Brandon Road / .com

THE OFFICE: FROM THERE TO HERE

The OFFICE: FROM THERE TO HERE. An origin story.

EpiSODE 3: Come sale away

By

Brandon Road.

FAde In:

INTRO

tuesday morning. Reception area at the dunder mifflin office.

BOBBY, CHRIS, and rex HAVE THE CAMERA SET UP FACING THE CORNER WHERE THE EMPLOYEES ENTER THE OFFICE FROM RECEPTION. they have instructed the employees of the office that this scene will be crucial to the final product. they have coached the employees for 30min already on how to walk in casually, carry a conversation, not to look at the camera and to walk past them as they would normally. DESPITE THE INSTRUCTIONS, THE DUNDER MIFFLIN EMPLOYEES JUST CAN FATHOM THE HOW TO PROPERLY ACT IN THE SCENE. this is take six.

CHRIS

Alright. Take 6. - ACTION!

CHRIS yells to the employees who are waiting at the door. They begin filing in. PHYLLIS and STANLEY are engaging in conversation quietly. DWIGHT enters walking briskly not moving his arms. CREED, ANGELA, OSCAR enter. MEREDITH enters behind them. They are all walking normally, smiling. MICHAEL and ED TRUCK enter, and MICHAEL goes to hold ED TRUCK's hand. ED TRUCK is clearly not impressed and whips his hand away.

ED TRUCK

MICHAEL! What are you doing?!

MICHAEL

Just trying to hold the hand of my mentor and friend. My friend-tor. You are my friend-tor ED TRUCK. I've told you this every day since you hired me and I'll keep reminding you.

TOBY is stuck behind the two men who are now not walking forward. He lets out a quiet cough into his fist. MICHAEL whips around.

MICHAEL

GOSH! Toby, if you're sick stay home. We don't need your sickness spraying around the office.

TOBY goes to reply but just puts his head down. MICHAEL looks at the camera and steps forward. He crosses his arms and nods back at TOBY.

MICHAEL

And that kids - is why you say yes to drugs. Drugs are good. They defeat diseases and can cure your sicknesses.

From behind MICHAEL, TOBY speaks.

TOBY

MICHAEL. I'm not sick. Everyone, I'm not sick. Trust me. Just - got a frog in my throat is all.

TOBY lets another small cough out. DWIGHT laughs.

DWIGHT

Silly. By the sounds of it, you didn't boil your frog to a core temperate of 500F before you ate it. That's what's causing your throat irritation.

TOBY

I don't eat frogs. That sounds disgusting.

DWIGHT

By the sounds of your cooking practices, your frogs WOULD be disgusting! I wouldn't eat them either.

MICHAEL calmly turns to TOBY. He pokes him in the chest and lowers his voice.

MICHAEL

I'm sick of you and your complaining. You are the champion of the complaining-ship around here. Captain Complain-er.

DWIGHT steps to TOBY. DWIGHT has a pill box in his hand. DWIGHT shakes it and 3 pills fall into his palm. He goes to hand them to TOBY.

dwight

If you're in fact sick, take this one first. With plenty of fluids. It's designed to loosen the body but . . . it'll tighten the stool. The second one will loosen the stool but perhaps may result in tenderness in the groin area as it tightens the body. Lastly, this jagged little pill –

DWIGHT grips the last pill in between his thumb and for finger. He raises it to eye level and inspects it. His eyes go wide.

DWIGHT (CONT')

You're lucky. You 'oughta know that these are MOSES' favorite. Take half of it first and then when your mouth goes numb . . . take the rest of it. When you feel your throat constrict, that means it's really working.

TOBY looks to DWIGHT and then to MICHAEL. Lastly, he looks to CHRIS who is off camera. He extends his hand and DWIGHT drops the 3 pills into it. TOBY looks to the group.

TOBY

Anyone got any water?

STANLEY

I have some distilled water at my desk. It's the best to take when you're taking pills . . .

STANLEY looks around nervously.

STANLEY(CONT)

From what I've read about pills in magazines is what I meant. Not that I'm taking pills.

CHRIS throws his hands up in defeat. TOBY looks to DWIGHT.

dwight

I would get some water ASAP if you're planning on taking those, TOBY.

ANGELA pushes past the group and heads to her desk unimpressed. PHYLLIS follows ANGELA'S lead and heads to her desk.

ANGELA

I'm done with this.

PHYLLIS

Me too.

BOBBY looks to ED TRUCK concerned.

BOBBY

Everyone! Can we reset! We almost got the shot! We could use one more take and that's enough!

ED TRUCK wipes his face with his hand.

ED TRUCK

Holy. This is painful.

ED TRUCK looks around to the group and motions with his index finger in a circular motion.

ED TRUCK

Ok! One more time! ANGELA! PHYLLIS! Let's go!

The group collectively groans and heads back out in the hallway. ANGELA acts as if she doesn't hear ED TRUCK and doesn't re-join the group. PHYLLIS returns. REX watches as they leave and looks back to BOBBY and CHRIS. BOBBY adjusts the camera and gives REX the thumbs up. REX looks back to the hallway.

REX

Action!

Off camera, TOBY can be heard coughing. MICHAEL appears alone and puts his hands on his hips. He points back into the hallway.

MICHAEL

How do you expect me to work in these conditions?

DWIGHT appears behind MICHAEL.

DWIGHT

I agree with MICHAEL here. I can't work like this. Tell TOBY to fix it proper or go home.

MICHAEL turns to DWIGHT.

MICHAEL

Fix it proper?

From out in the hallway, OSCAR shouts.

OSCAR

In that context, DWIGHT's verbiage is correct.

BOBBY looks to CHRIS. CHRIS drops his head in defeat.

CHRIS

Alright, here's what we are gonna do -

END SCENE

OPENING CREDITS ROLL

int. office. finance dept. 11am.

BOBBY, CHRIS, AND REX HAVE OSCAR AND ANGELA SET UP TO RECORD A SCENE. THEY ARE ASKING THEM TO SHOW THE STEPS THEY TAKE TO ACCEPT DATA, PROCESS IT AND THEN FINALIZE IT. THEY WANT TO SHOW THE DIFFERENCE WITH THE COMPUTER AND WITH DOING THE PROCESSES MANUALLY. THE TASK IS PROVING TO BE MORE DIFFICULT THAN FIRST THOUGHT.

BOBBY

OK, Oscar. This time, can you please pretend that you are working on a spreadsheet and you're having difficulty. Maybe rub your forehead or perhaps erase something you've written. We're trying to show the difference between the manual work – what you're doing now – and then later we will show the way the computer can speed up those processes.

DWIGHT overhears the conversation from his desk and intervenes.

DWIGHT

Wait. You want OSCAR to "pretend" to work? ED TRUCK wouldn't be happy to hear this. They waste enough time over there in Accounting. They don't need any more reason to do so.

BOBBY

DWIGHT. This doesn't concern you. This scene is OSCAR and OSCAR only. Don't worry. We'll get to you.

DWIGHT shuffles a few papers on his desk. He then scooches his chair in closer into his desk. He puts his elbows on his desk and leans on them. DWIGHT speaks low and deliberate.

DWIGHT

That sounds like a threat.

CHRIS

You yourself wouldn't want to waste time, would you? I don't think so. DWIGHT, please. Just carry on your daily routine.

CHRIS's quick snap has caught the attention of CREED who was busy at his desk as well. CREED looks up to DWIGHT from across the desk and whispers across the office loudly. Everyone can hear it, but CREED doesn't seem to know that.

CREED

It's a threat. They are all threats. Each one of them.

MICHAEL snorts. He shakes his head. He looks up from his work and speaks matter of factly.

MICHAEL

It's funny how "threat" is spelt like "treat". They don't sound the same but they mean the same thing. It just makes you wonder who wrote the dictionary that we learned from.

MICHAEL snorts again and continues about his work. REX pauses his work and looks at MICHAEL.

REX

MICHAEL. We didn't learn our language from the dictionary. Dictionaries were written a long time after language was defined. Do you think we learned our language from a dictionary?

MICHAEL doesn't look up from his work. He response is blunt.

MICHAEL

Where else do you think we learned to do the talking, smart guy?

Everyone in the office turns to MICHAEL. REX doesn't respond. CREED however, looks over to reception and sees a man standing there. He waves exuberantly. The man looks at CREED and waves slowly back. He clearly is not excited as CREED is. DWIGHT's attention has been caught by the man as well. The man is in a fitted suit. He is carrying his coat in his arms. He is also carrying a leather briefcase.

DWIGHT

Well, well, well . . . look who it is: The man sent from the Computer World to downsize us. Listen here ComputerMan, if my Great-Aunt Hauke can live without plumbing for 80 years we can certainly live without technology! And another thing, my plans for downsizing this branch are far superior than any machine can run on any simulation!

The man smiles at DWIGHT. JUDY has finally arrived to work and can be seen entering the office behind the man. She lets out a big smoker's cough and sucks in the snot from her nose. She spits it into her coffee mug. She doesn't even look at the man.

JUDY

Hello Mr. O'Soft. ED TRUCK is in his office. You can head right in. I can assure you he's not busy -like usual. You won't be interrupting anything in there.

The man looks at JUDY.

Man

Are you sure? You just got here . . . how would you know?

JUDY slumps down to her chair at reception and proceeds to pour herself a coffee from a thermos into the mug she just spit in.

JUDY

You calling me a liar, Mr. O'Soft?

MAN

Uhh . . . no.

JUDY

Good. I am a lot of things but a liar is not one of them. You see. It's 11am. That means ED TRUCK just got finished his morning review of yesterday's sales and he is likely "resting his eyes because numbers make my eyes hurt".

The Man watches as JUDY air-quotes aggressively. JUDY picks up her phone receiver to page ED TRUCK's office to announce his guest. The dial-tone can be heard so JUDY proceeds to smash the receiver on her desk in hopes to get it to work. She fails. She stands up and yells to ED TRUCK's office.

JUDY

HEY ED! MIKE O'SOFT IS HERE TO SEE YOU!

The man shakes his head as JUDY sits back down and leans over reception to her.

Man

Hey, uh –

The Man (AUSTIN) looks at the name plate and sees JUDY's name. He smiles.

AUSTIN (CONT)

JUDY. My name is AUSTIN and I'm FROM MICROSOFT. I was here about a week ago setting up the computer in HR. I'm just checking in to see how things are going! ED TRUCK requested a follow up meeting. So I'm just looping back to get a temperature check and a status report on how you are doing.

JUDY looks up to AUSTIN and frowns. She proceeds to sip her coffee without breaking her stare.

JUDY

All of your sales-y words mean nothing to me. I don't know what you're trying to prove to me, son.

By now, DWIGHT and CREED have made their way across the office to greet AUSTIN.

CREED

Hey! Austy! I found a Frito that looks like Bob Dole. Want to see it?

DWIGHT elbows in front of CREED and stands face-to-face with AUSTIN. AUSTIN smiles.

AUSTIN

It's DWIGHT? Right?

CREED

Those rhymes! I love rhymes. Maybe I can show you my book of rhymes sometime.

CREED reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a pad and pen. He begins to scribble down a note and reads aloud as he does.

CREED (under breath)

Rhymes. . . Sometimes. . .

AUSTIN and DWIGHT are face to face. Neither are saying anything. ED TRUCK has now emerged from his office. He has a newspaper in his hands.

ED TRUCK

AHH! AUSTIN. Nice of you to stop by. I like the tenacious attitude. I respect the hustle. Reminds me of a younger sober version of myself.

ED TRUCK turns to the office.

ED TRUCK

You see. Following up on a sale. The signs of a good salesman. What is the next rule MICHAEL?

MICHAEL stands up from his desk at attention and saluting.

MICHAEL

RULE #5, SIR! FOLLOW. UP! CONFIRM SALE! KEEP IT PERSONAL! Abbreviation is F -

ED TRUCK waves his arms to stop MICHAEL from continuing.

ed truck

No MICHAEL! No need to abbreviate. Not necessary. We all get it. Anyways, AUSTIN, shall we?

ED TRUCK and AUSTIN shake hands. AUSTIN proceeds to enter ED TRUCKS' office. CREED shouts to AUSTIN.

CREED

Alright cool, Austy. Let's save that frito for lunch! You. Me. Bob Dole. It's a siesta.

DWIGHT turns to CREED unimpressed.

DWIGHT

CREED. Why are you insistent on making friends with the enemy?

CREED looks around and motions for DWIGHT to lean closer. DWIGHT obliges. CREED puts his hands on DWIGHT'S shoulders.

CREED

You see. The Computerman in there is here to sell more computers. That will make us more useless than we already are. I want to be on his good side so when he destroys this place, he will think I'm cool and take me with him to travel on his road-travelling-sales-circus. You feel me?

CREED rubs DWIGHTS shoulders, smiles, and then heads back to his desk. DWIGHT turns to CREED and yells across the office in a cracked voice.

DWIGHT

Bob Dole fritos? He can't eat fritos! Machines don't eat?! You're doomed! We are all doomed!

During this exchange, CHRIS had changed the camera position to capture the moment. However, BOBBY had noticed and put his eye to the camera lens to check the quality. PHYLLIS's head was clearly in the shot. Dead center. BOBBY turns to REX.

BOBBY

Nope. No good. PHYLLIS was in the way. We won't be able to use that shot for anything.

PHYLLIS turns to the group apologetically.

The following is seen through the camera lens.

PHYLLIS

I'm sorry.

REX (off camera)

No! It's no problem, PHYLLIS. We will –

MICHAEL's crotch covers the screen and begins thrusting.

MICHAEL

That PHYLLIS is a babe! SCHWING! SCHWING! SCHWING!

END SCENE

INT. OFFICE. OUTside ed truck's office. AFTERNOON.

CHRIS AND REX ARE STANDING OUTSIDE ED TRUCK'S OFFICE. BOBBY IS ACROSS THE OFFICE ADJUSTING THEIR EQUIPMENT. ED TRUCK AND AUSTIN HAVE YET TO EMERGE FROM ED TRUCK'S OFFICE. CHRIS AND REX ARE DEBATING ON WHO KNOCKS. THEY ARE KEEN TO DISCUSS THE COMPUTER WITH AUSTIN.

rex

You knock. A quick tap-tap and see what is going on in there. The interview with AUSTIN could be crucial!

CHRIS

Ok! I know. I just … I don't want to interrupt. What if they are busy or planning or something?

STANLEY has appeared behind the two holding two shakes.

STANLEY

Excuse me gentlemen! It's time for ED TRUCKS's and AUSTIN's shakes!

STANLEY taps quickly on the door. From within, ED TRUCK yells "COME IN!". STANLEY looks to REX and looks to the doorknob as if to say "Open it." REX opens the door for STANLEY who walks in. REX tries to poke his head in and AUSTIN pops into the door frame.

AUSTIN

Hey! You guys are from the film crew, right? Why don't you join us? We're just discussing the computer and how it's helping. I think you may be interested in this talk. Please. Join us.

AUSTIN steps out into the office. He ushers the men into ED TRUCK's office. BOBBY sees this from across the office and makes his way over. MEREDITH gets up from her desk quickly and stops BOBBY in his tracks.

MEREDITH

Listen bucko. Give the Computerman this piece of paper for me. Tell him I've got "something jammed in my CD-ROM." And could you his expert hands to help me . . . "pop it loose."

BOBBY looks to the piece of paper confused. He looks back to MEREIDTH.

BOBBY

Uh. I don't follow.

MEREDITH

Listen. Just deliver the package would ya?

BOBBY

Uh. Ok?

MEREDITH smiles and winks. BOBBY looks at the paper. It's MEREDITH's pager number. Slowly, BOBBY looks back to MEREDITH as he as begun to connect the dots.

MEREDITH

CD-ROM is code. He'll know what I mean.

MEREDITH heads back to her desk. BOBBY shudders and heads to ED TRUCK's office. Before he enters, he looks back to MEREDITH who has arrived at her desk. They lock eyes. MEREDITH begins rummaging on her desk and pulls up a CD. She slowly puts her index finger in the center of the CD and begins to twirl it, smiling seductively. BOBBY gulps and enters ED TRUCK'S office.

END SCENE

INT. ED TRUCK'S OFFICE.

ED TRUCK IS SITTING AT HIS DESK ENJOYING STANLEY'S SHAKE. STANLEY HAS RETURNED TO WORK. IN ED TRUCK'S OFFICE, AUSTIN IS OPPOSITE OF ED TRUCK. BOBBY IS CASUALLY LEANING ON A FILING CABINET. CHRIS AND REX HAVE THE CAMERA SET UP READY TO FILM AUSTIN'S INTERVIEW.

AUSTIN

Anything in particular that I need to say or do or . . . I feel I should of maybe swung this past our legal department but heck, what's a 30 second shot of me going to hurt right?

CHRIS looks to AUSTIN.

CHRIS

Don't over think it. Really, just say who you are, where you are and how the computer will help move DUNDER MIFFLIN into the 20th Century. We are going to include ED TRUCK in the scene, and it'll be an "exchange" sort of scenario. You'll have the graph to show the way the computer has helped the company and hand it to ED TRUCK. Those are the basics of the scene. Beyond that, ED TRUCK knows what to do . . . follow his lead.

AUSTIN nods at ED TRUCK and begins to think. He looks down to the graph on the desk in front of him. As he is doing so, BOBBY walks over to his side. BOBBY kneels down and discretely hands him the piece of paper (the one with MEREDITH's pager number on it). AUSTIN looks at him. Quietly, AUSTIN asks;

AUSTIN

What is this?

BOBBY closes his eyes and shakes his head and gets up from the kneeling position. He looks directly at AUSTIN and sternly replies.

BOBBY

Just . . . be careful.

AUSTIN turns and looks out into the office through the glass in ED TRUCK's office. He sees MEREDITH. He blinks calmly. AUSTIN looks to BOBBY. AUSTIN nods with a straight face.

AUSTIN

Right.

CHRIS

Alright, we are good to go when you are!

AUSTIN turns back in his chair and faces the camera.

The following is seen through the camera lens.

AUSTIN

Hello. My name is AUSTIN and I am from Microsoft. I am here today at DUNDER MIFFLIN SCRANTON. They have recently upgraded their HR department with a WINDOWS 98 Computer. A sure sign of forward momentum here!

Camera pans to ED TRUCK.

ED TRUCK

We are extremely happy to have the Windows 98 Computer here at DUNDER MIFFLIN.

ED TRUCK is speaking in monotone. He smiles and gives the camera the thumbs up. The camera pans back to AUSTIN. He is holding a graph up to the camera.

AUSTIN

This graph here, which was compiled and printed from the very same computer at DUNDER MIFFLIN, using paper from this very branch! - highlights employee productivity over a 3-month span with a Computer vs. No Computer. The growth is clearly lined out and it's substantial!

AUSTIN turns to ED TRUCK and passes the graph over the desk. He looks at it and turns to the camera.

ED TRUCK

Whoa. Would you look at that. This computer will save the company millions.

The camera slowly zooms in on ED TRUCK's awkward smiling face. After a few seconds, it pans out slowly. The shot reveals AUSTIN, who is looking into camera. AUSTIN turns to ED TRUCK.

AUSTIN

Millions? Try Millions but with a "B". Billions. Heck, you may even need to call the Re/Max Team to begin the search for a second location? Expansion eh? Hmmm! All from a single computer! DUNDER MIFFLIN SCRANTON has entered the 20th Century . . . isn't it about time you do to?

AUSTIN pauses for affect.

CHRIS (off camera)

END SCENE! Wow! Great job guys! That was excellent. For a first take . . . I think that could be the one to be honest. You nailed that final line, AUSTIN. Very clever.

AUSTIN and ED TRUCK share smiles and high-five over the desk. AUSTIN adjusts his suit jacket. He is clearly enjoying himself.

AUSTIN

I just kind of went with it. I feel all tingly. I like this! I like this a lot!

REX

That was fantastic. Our best shot yet.

ED TRUCK exhales and seems to have gotten an idea. He raises his finger in the air.

ED TRUCK

You know what guys? Just spitting in the dark … but if you think that scene is ok - let's take AUSTIN back to HR and he will show off the computer. What do you think?

BOBBY

I like it! But. Won't TOBY be busy?

ED TRUCK laughs.

ED TRUCK

TOBY is never busy. He may LOOK busy. But he is never ever really – "busy." The sales team is busy. TOBY? Never busy. You follow?

ED TRUCK stands up from his desk.

ED TRUCK

Besides, being busy is the root cause of all evil as I like to say. It's a state of mind. I haven't been "busy" in 10 years and look at me – peak condition.

ED TRUCK puffs his chest out proudly. REX looks to BOBBY and CHRIS.

REX

Well. If no one is "busy" here . . . I think it's an excellent idea, ED TRUCK. Let's head back.

BOBBY, CHRIS and REX exchange a look as if to say for the first time that the shooting was going well.

ED TRUCK

Let me just –

ED TRUCK has taken a big sip of his shake and stopped suddenly. He begins to pound the desk with his fist. The men in the office are stunned and don't know what to do. ED TRUCK lifts his head for only a moment and through gritted teeth whispers.

ED TRUCK

Brain. Freeze.

END SCENE

INT. SALES OFFICE AREA. DAY.

DWIGHT IS LICKING AND SEALING ENVELOPES. HE HAS A STACK TO HIS LEFT OF SEALED ENVELOPES AND A STACK OF UN-SEALED ON HIS RIGHT. HE IS STARING STRAIGHT AHEAD AS IF IN A TRANCE. MICHAEL NOTICES THIS AND SPEAKS TO DWIGHT.

MICHAEL

What are you doing?

DWIGHT continues to stare ahead and go about his licking and sealing.

DWIGHT

Wouldn't you like to know.

MICHAEL

That's why I asked, stupid. You should be calling up clients and selling sales. Not doing arts and crafts.

OSCAR, who overhears MICHAEL's error, leans back from his desk and looks to MICHAEL.

OSCAR

Actually. It's not "selling sales" it's "making sales".

MICHAEL pauses for a moment and turns to OSCAR and retorts.

MICHAEL

I'm Salesman of the Year. I sell sales. I think I know what I'm doing here, OSCAR.

OSCAR leans back to his work. He mutters under his breath as he picks up where he left off.

OSCAR(under breath)

Do you though?

MICHAEL doesn't hear OSCAR's comment and looks back to DWIGHT. DWIGHT has now stopped.

DWIGHT

As a matter of fact MICHAEL, I'd like to see a computer send out 100 sales requests letters in less than 30 minutes. Yeah . . . that would be the day. Each one is the EXACT same as the last. All written by hand.

MICHAEL

DWIGHT. You silly shameful boob. They already can. It's called email. It's sent over the interconnnect.

ANGELA

Yeah, DWIGHT. Don't you remember ED TRUCK telling us about the plans to switch every communication over to email over the next few years?

DWIGHT starts to lick envelopes again but seems angry. He licks 1 more and then stops.

DWIGHT

For your information, I shut out the Computerman's voice. I don't hear anything that comes out of his liar mouth.

MICHAEL

I wish I could shut out yours, DWIGHT.

DWIGHT smacks his desk.

DWIGHT

You know what MICHAEL? You'll be sorry when email takes over. And for you ANGELA. Won't you miss submitting statements by hand? Won't you miss filtering through our sales data to condense and display the profitability of my work?

ANGELA

No. No I won't.

DWIGHT shrugs off ANGELA's stoic response. He turns to PHYLLIS.

DWIGHT

PHYLLIS. Won't you miss the satisfying sticking of the stamps? STANLEY – won't you –

STANLEY puts a single finger up to shush DWIGHT. It works and DWIGHT stops.

STANLEY

If there is anything to help me get out of here and get these puppies to Miami. . . I WILL DO IT. I promise you that. Every minute in here is another minute NOT THERE.

DWIGHT begins sensing he is against the whole office. He turns back to MICHAEL. MICHAEL is grinning at him.

MICHAEL

DWIGHT. You don't even know what the "e" in email stands for. How do you plan on stopping something you don't even understand?

MEREDITH

What's the "e" stand for MICHAEL?

MICHAEL looks to MEREDITH and gets up. He giggles and retrieves a large standing easel by the XEROX machine. He flips to a blank page and writes everyone's name down on one side. In bold at the top, he writes his name. He addresses the office.

MICHAEL

Attention everyone! You are now witnessing the cous-da-gras act. Everyone is going to get a guess as to what the "e" stands for! Let's start with . . . eenie-meenie whimpy – dopey – OSCAR.

OSCAR who was busy at work is caught off guard.

OSCAR

Uh. I actually don't know, MICHAEL. Uh. Electro?

MICHAEL scribbles down electro in marker beside OSCAR's name.

MICHAEL

Good good. ANGELA?

ANGELA.

No.

MICHAEL

Ohhhkaayyy, why are you the worst. MEREDITH?

MEREDITH

Eh, MICHAEL, the "e" stands for erection.

MICHAEL giggles and writes "erection". The office members are now having a gag and DWIGHT is fuming.

CREED

I love playing hangman. Give me a hint, MICHAEL. Was it Professor Plum in the Conservatory with a monkey's wrench?

MICHAEL crosses CREED's name off the list without responding.

MICHAEL

PHYLLIS my man. What's your guess.

MICHAEL tries to flip the marker in the air and catch it but drops it. He fumbles and picks it back up. PHYLLIS meekly replies.

PHYLLIS

I'm not a man.

MICHAEL turns to PHYLLIS.

MICHAEL

That would be weird. You're right. That would be icky-icky. Hurry. Give me an answer.

PHYLLIS

Enter?

MICHAEL jots down Enter beside PHYLLIS' name. Without having to turn around – MEREDITH shouts again at MICHAEL.

MEREDITH

Everyone?

MICHAEL

And some days I wish you were my everyone! I will allow two answers from lovely MEREIDTH because she is having fun! Cmon people! Let's have some fun! And how about you JUDY?

JUDY slowly looks at MICHAEL from her desk.

JUDY

Easy.

MICHAEL

Oh! So you do listen! Judy's playing along everyone, yeah! She's making it e-a-s-y.

MICHAEL spells out easy as he writes it down beside JUDY's name. He looks back to the office seeking a laugh. No one laughs. MICHAEL isn't put off after he fails to see a response to his joke about JUDY from his co-workers.

DWIGHT

MICHAEL. You've made your point.

DWIGHT walks over to the easel and stops. He takes a look at the easel and tilts his head. A smile appears on DWIGHT's face. DWIGHT takes the marker from MICHAEL. He circles the guesses.

DWIGHT

MICHAEL. Electro. Erection. Enter. Everyone. Easy.

MICHAEL turns quickly and gasps. He tries to cover the words with his hands. A quiet chuckle comes from the office as they have pranked MICHAEL successfully. Meanwhile, TOBY has made his way to the office from HR. TOBY is speaking to CHRIS back into the doorway before he enters.

TOBY

Sure guys. Sounds good! I'll be right back, I just need to grab . . .

TOBY looks to the office and takes one look at the easel and immediately stops talking. TOBY has read what is on the easel. MICHAEL sees this. The whole office is quiet for 10 seconds during this standoff. TOBY smiles and goes to speak but MICHAEL cuts him off.

MICHAEL.

Don't you dare.

END SCENE

INT. HR Dept. eND OF WORK DAY.

BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX ARE FINISHING UP THE LAST COUPLE OF SHOTS OF AUSTIN SHOWING OFF THE COMPUTER. THEY HAVE ONE MORE SCENE TO RECORD. SURPRISINGLY, IT IS GOING VERY WELL.

REX

Ok. AUSTIN. In this scene. Can you be typing away and turn to us, the camera, and say; "Thank-you DUNDER MIFFLIN SCRANTON and to all of you fellow DUNDER MIFFLIN employees out there." – Or something like that.

AUSTIN nods. He turns to the monitor and begins typing.

The following is seen through the camera lens.

CHRIS (off camera)

Action.

AUSTIN begins typing. He turns around and smiles at the camera over his right shoulder.

AUSTIN

DUNDER MIFFLIN SCRANTON, Thank you. To all you fellow DUNDER MIFFLIN employees out there, be well. Thank you.

AUSTIN holds his smile. TOBY enters the office unaware the group is still filming. He's chuckling as he is talking to himself as he enters the room.

TOBY (OFF SCREEN)

MICHAEL'S electro erection ... ha ah.

Everyone looks at TOBY. He suddenly realizes that the filming was still underway.

TOBY (off screen)

Um. I mean . . .

BOBBY puts the lens cap on the camera. The scene cuts to black. However, the audio is still rolling.

BOBBY

Don't worry, TOBY. We can edit that out.

TOBY

Thank you.

AUSTIN

Uhh . . . should we do another take without the erection comment?

END SCENE

OUTRO

INT. OFFICE. RECEPTION AREA.

ED TRUCK IS SHOWING AUSTIN OUT OF THE OFFICE. THE OFFICE COLLECTIVELY IS ALSO PACKING UP AS THE WORK DAY IS NOW OVER. BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX ARE STANDING WITH ED TRUCK AND AUSTIN AT RECEPTION.

ED TRUCK

We can't thank you enough for coming in, AUSTIN.

CHRIS

Yes. AUSTIN. We got some amazing shots. I wish we could of spent more time with you. We will be sure to send over a copy of the final product for you to have!

AUSTIN looks around and then addresses CHRIS.

AUSTIN

You know what guys? It's been great. I'm staying in town tonight. I am not due back at HQ until tomorrow evening. I can easily swing by and be available for more shots? Perhaps even run the group through a crash course? I think that could be fun, no?

AUSTIN looks to ED TRUCK for approval. ED TRUCK is clearly excited. CHRIS pumps his fist in excitement. REX and BOBBY look at one another smiling. ED TRUCK sees this and steps to JUDY's desk.

ED TRUCK

JUDY! Quickly call DAVID WALLACE!

JUDY looks at ED TRUCK and doesn't say anything. She continues to pack up her things. He slips a cigarette in her mouth and walks out the office. No one says anything. ED TRUCK nervously looks to everyone.

ED TRUCK

Uh – Ok! Ok! Good night, JUDY!

JUDY doesn't respond and leaves. ED TRUCK waits a moment then runs into his office. He picks up his phone to call DAVID WALLACE. As this is happening, CHRIS turns to DWIGHT confused.

CHRIS

Who is DAVID WALLACE?

DWIGHT

DAVID WALLACE is our conduit to HQ. He is what you'd call "Our Superior's Superior". If DUNDER MIFFLIN were an Ant Colony, he'd be our ROOK to the QUEEN. He was the man who invited the ComputerMan virus into our home here.

DWIGHT sits back down at his desk. He grabs a pencil and sharpens it with the hand-crank sharpener on the side of his desk. He feels the tip and seems satisfied how sharp it is. He takes out an entire box of unsharpened pencils from his drawer and begins sharpening one loudly. Without looking back to CHRIS, he speaks over his loud sharpening.

DWIGHT

My advice is to be prepared, boy! When the storm comes, be sure to have your tent packed and your tarp secured!

STANLEY has collected all his belongings and was about to leave. He stops and puts his hand on CHRIS' shoulder before he passes.

STANLEY

DAVID WALLACE is not that bad. He's from Corporate. Classic corporate guy y'feel? Wishy washy with answers. He'll answer a question with another question if he doesn't know. Pie in the sky mentality. Wears a suit. Clean cut. Likes to watch Seinfeld. You'll see. I wouldn't be intimidated. He may be perfect for the video. Anyways. See you guys tomorrow.

STANLEY speed-walks out of the office dressed in jogging-ware. ED TRUCK has reemerged from his office. He claps his hands together smiling. MICHAEL is now standing with the group by ED TRUCK's office.

ED TRUCK

DAVID WALLACE will be here tomorrow! He's going to join us! How splendid! AUSTIN- can you be here for 9am?

AUSTIN was jotting notes down and turns to ED TRUCK.

AUSTIN

Sure thing! How exciting! See you all tomorrow! I am excited to meet DAVID WALLACE! I think he'll really enjoy the presentation.

MICHAEL quickly runs over to his desk. He digs into his drawer in his desk and pulls out a picture frame. He runs back to the reception desk and sets up the picture. In the frame is a certificate that was presented to MICHAEL for the Salesmen of the Year. MICHAEL added a crude cut out of his face and taped it onto the certificate.

AUSTIN

What's that? What's in the frame? Is that you?

MICHAEL is busy adjusting the frame and doesn't look to AUSTIN as he responds.

MICHAEL

I need to make sure DAVID WALLACE knows that I am Salesmen of the Year. Back-to-back. What good are awards if you can't show them off and no one knows you won them.

ANGELA has her things collected and makes an off handed remark to MICHAEL.

ANGELA

How could anyone not know? That's all you talk about.

MICHAEL seems unaffected by ANGELA's snarky remark as she leaves. He is still busy adjusting the frame.

MICHAEL

Maybe. One day. I will be handing out Salesmen of the Year awards. Perhaps at an awards banquet even. DUNDER MIFFLIN awards. I can see it now. Maybe we wouldn't just stop at sales either . . . I could call it … The DM's. Everyone could get a DM. Imagine a World where we all get a DM. Whimsical.

The group doesn't address MICHAEL's blabbering and continues about packing their things. ANGELA stops at the door and turns back to MICHAEL.

ANGELA

That's about as bad idea as your scheme for that stupid Chit-Chat Snap thing.

MICHAEL sucks his teeth and looks at ANGELA.

MICHAEL

First off, it's called Snaps of Chats. Secondly, Snap of Chats is still in development stages thank you very much.

ANGELA shakes her head.

ANGELA

What even is Snap of Chats. It sounds ridiculous.

MICHAEL stops. He looks directly at ANGELA.

MICHAEL

I can't even begin to describe what it is because I don't fuller know what it is. What I do know, Snaps of Chats could one day turn out to be a Worldwide language!

DWIGHT

Like Pennsylvania Dutch.

MICHAEL

Sure. Whatever that is.

DWIGHT

Or sales. Sales is a language? Or maybe Sign Language. We all use signs, no?

ED TRUCK claps his hands together and turns to DWIGHT annoyed.

ED TRUCK

DWIGHT. Why must you be like is? I for once just want to leave after a good day of work and not have to think about something dumb you said about some random dumb thing.

DWIGHT blinks; unphased. AUSTIN awkwardly clears his throat and fixes his hair.

AUSTIN

Alright. I'm heading out. Quiet night for this guy. Reports, reports, reports. I need my shut eye for tomorrow. Got a big day of CRM and B2B enhancements that I'll need to approve.

AUSTIN elbows BOBBY's ribs in a joking manor. BOBBY smiles. AUSTIN nods.

ED TRUCK

Alright everyone! Have a good night! See everyone tomorrow!

ED TRUCK leans over to his office door and closes it. He then locks it. AUSTIN looks to ED TRUCK confused.

AUSTIN

Don't want to have your files left out, eh?

ED TRUCK chuckles.

ED TRUCK

Open door policy for me closes at 5pm, AUSTIN. Work life balance. 5:01? I'm mentally clocked out. Physically. I may still be here, but like, I'm gone. That's the key to longevity in this business. It has taken me years to develop that mindset but now that I have it dialed in, I can literally forget about everything here until 9:10am tomorrow morning.

AUSTIN and ED TRUCK share a laugh. They the wave to the staff and disappear out of the office. As everyone leaves, MICHAEL runs back to his desk and pulls out another piece of paper. He flattens it on his desk and goes to put his coat on. MICHAEL is clearly rushed and agitated. However, he is giddy.

MICHAEL

Well, if everyone is leaving – I guess I'll pack up, too! I have a busy night of shopping to do! I need to collect DAVID WALLACE'S Ride-Him list for tomorrow!

BOBBY is struck at how MICHAEL of all people who know what a rider list is. But, he is confused why he called it a ride him list.

BOBBY

How the heck do you know what a rider list is and why do you need to get one for DAVID WALLACE?

MICHAEL is slipping into his coat. He responds flatly.

MICHAEL

RIDE HIM LIST. NOT RIDE-HER. You see my mom's friend – LEO - from Canada that comes to visit. He keeps her company while my dad is away for work. Well, one time I seen a piece of paper left out on the kitchen table. I found it and I asked him what it was. He said it was a list of things my mom needs from him to ride with her. He called it his "Rider List". I guess if he didn't supply what was on the list, no rides. Whatever that means.

BOBBY spurts out a laugh. MICHAEL has finished putting on his coat. He stops and looks at the film crew.

MICHAEL

So, you see. It's not a ride-her list, it's a ride him list. DAVID WALLACE is a him. I want to "ride with him."

REX is baffled.

REX

MICHAEL, I think LEO might be …

CHRIS slaps REX across the chest to stop him from continuing. CHRIS shakes his head. REX stops. Instead, CHRIS turns to address MICHAEL.

CHRIS

MICHAEL, what the heck is on the – ride him list for DAVID WALLACE?

MICHAEL looks down to the sheet and begins reading.

MICHAEL

A bottle of champagne. Roses. Chocolates. Vanilla flavored lube -

CHRIS

WHAT?!

MICHAEL

For shaking hands? You don't want dry scaly hands when shaking them do you? Plus vanilla is a wonderful scent and offers the most palm lubrication! Have you ever shook hands with someone who didn't have smooth hands?

None of the guys respond.

MICHAEL

Exactly. It's like you're shaking hands with a chainsaw. It's icky. ED TRUCK always says that you can read someone just by their handshake.

Again, none of the guys respond and a deeper look of confusion comes across their faces. MICHAEL continues.

MICHAEL

Ok. Here. Give me your hand, REX. I'll show you.

MICHAEL steps towards REX and REX awkwardly extends his hand. REX looks to BOBBY and CHRIS confused but also a tad scared. MICHAEL grabs REX's hand and shakes it three times and then releases it. MICHAEL steps back, draws in a large breath and closes his eyes. After a moment, he opens them.

MICHAEL

Ok. So Rex. I got my read. You're mid to high twenties in age. Caucasian male. Dark hair –

REX laughs.

REX

That's all normal stuff! Literally look at me and that's a given!

MICHAEL

I'm not finished. Did I say I was finished. No. You are ALSO. . . a fan of guitar, you like to eat spicy dishes and you've recently had a fight with . . .

MICHAEL shuts his eyes again. He waves his right hand at eye level.

MICHAEL(CONT)

. . . I'm seeing a brotherly figure enter in my zone here. Was it your brother?

MICHAEL opens his eyes and looks dead at REX. REX is stunned.

REX

Wow. That's actually all pretty close. I had a fight with my cousin last week . . . how'd you know? I play banjo. And the spicy food . . . I love it.

MICHAEL adjusts himself.

MICHAEL

Guys. I'm not as dumb as I look.

MICHAEL looks to the men. They are struck at this whole conversation. MICHAEL hastily begins to stuff the list into his coat pocket.

MICHAEL

Yeah. So. Whatever. I copied LEO's list. It's all right here. There's plenty more. I'm sure it works for him because my mom keeps saying how satisfied she is and how happy he makes her . . . why wouldn't I use what's on his list to satisfy DAVID WALLACE?

MICHAEL makes his way to the door. He is muttering to himself. REX breaks the awkward silence and says to MICHAEL as he leaves.

REX

Tell me how you knew!

MICHAEL stops. He turns slowly.

MICHAEL

My aura needs recharging. I can't explain what I see . . . it is a curse as much as it is a gift.

MICHAEL turns and leaves. The PBS Crew look at one another in silence.. They head into the conference room to gather their things to leave for the day as well. Once in the conference room, REX breaks the silence.

REX

Ok. I'm a little weirded out but . . .

CHRIS jumps in.

CHRIS

Don't let him rattle you. He's cooky.

REX seems unconvinced. BOBBY jumps in.

BOBBY

How exciting is tomorrow going to be?! Let's shoot the group in here tomorrow! We can set the camera up over . . . . here? This is crazy!

CHRIS begins to pace the room. He is starting to feed off BOBBY's excitment and it shows.

CHRIS

I know! What about this? What if we get ED TRUCK to lead some Role Play scenarios?

MEREDITH, who was walking past the conference room stops and pokes her head in.

MEREDITH

Now that's an idea. I've always wanted to do a Minotaur one. Half man. Half beast. You know what I mean?

BOBBY

Uh . . .

MEREDITH

Obviously the bottom half is the man half. I'm sick but not a complete sicko.

As MEREDITH is standing in the doorway, her pager starts going off. She takes it off her hip, reads it and smiles.

MEREDITH

Right on time. Well. See you tomorrow!

MEREDITH leaves the office smiling. BOBBY stands for a moment and then walks to the window and glances out in the parking lot.

REX

This keeps getting weirder and weirder. What was that about?

BOBBY doesn't say anything. BOBBY can see AUSTIN waving good-bye to ED TRUCK and heading to his vehicle. He has his cellphone up to his ear and looks back to the building. He sees BOBBY in the window and waves. BOBBY waves back. MEREDITH has entered the parking lot. AUSTIN sees her and looks awkwardly from BOBBY back to MEREDITH. BOBBY steps back from the window and shudders.

BOBBY

It was nothing. Don't worry about it. The less we know the better.

END OF EPISODE

This content is non-commercial fan fiction. It was written out of admiration of the original writings. I only intended to present MY OWN view of what COULD have taken place before the original works. Any characters, settings or other details from the original works that have made their way into my stories are owned and belong to NBC Universal and any other relevant copyright holders. I do not own any other Trademarked Materials which includes any mentioned items/people/places/things/etc. held in Copyright. This work is available for enjoyment of fellow enthusiast that wish to be taken into a fictitious prologue of the beloved storyline. It is not to be distributed in any manner for the purpose of monetary gain.