Brandon Road / .com

The Office: From there to here

The OFFICE: FROM THERE TO HERE. An origin story.

EpiSODE 4: ctrl-alt-DAmeet

By

Brandon Road.

FAde In:

INTRO

OUT. 9am. four blocks from dunder mifflin scranton office.

BOBBY, CHRIS, AND REX ARE HEADING IN TO DUNDER MIFFLIN SCRANTON OFFICE. THEY ARE IN THEIR VAN WHEN THEY SEE A MAN WITH A BACKPACK ROLLERBLADING CHAOTICALLY ALL OVER THE STREET. THERE ARE NO OTHER CARS SO BOBBY PULLS THE VAN UP ALONGSIDE THE ROLLERBLADER AND PUTS IT IN PARK.

REX

Hey! How ya makin' out there buddy?

The man has headphones on and is unaware of the van. He continues to stride forward awkwardly. CHRIS takes a double take from his seat and leans out the window.

CHRIS

MICHAEL? Is that you?

BOBBY recognizes MICHAEL. He pulls the van over in front of him. MICHAEL is sweating profusely through his dress shirt - and is gasping for air. He brightens up when he sees the guys get out of the van to greet him. He takes off his headphones and Third Eye Blind can be heard on his Walkman. He pauses the Walkman.

MICHAEL

What's crackalackin' homies? I got the Ride Him list of goods in my bag! Gonna go set it up before everyone gets there. Gonna surprise DAVID WALLACE!

BOBBY

Hey! Good morning MICHAEL! Um, nothing. Just heading into work.

MICHAEL clearly has no balance on his skates as he drifts around street trying to remain upright.

MICHAEL

Neat! What are the odds? I'm heading there too! I picked these rollerblades up at a garage sale. Did you know that Hollywood has taught ducks to rollerblade?

BOBBY

Pardon me?

MICHAEL

Yeah! The man I bought these off told me that ducks can rollerblade and it makes them mighty. ED TRUCK always says I could go for more mightiness. So I thought what the hey! Best $400 I ever spent!

REX looks at MICHAEL's rollerblades. They are cheap looking and like many 90's rollerblades, are colored in neo-pinks and bright yellows.

REX

MICHAEL? You bought those for $400 at a garage sale? Are you insane? What were you thinking? Duck's can't rollerblade? What ever gave you that idea?

MICHAEL begins to start gliding away from the guys. While trying to keep his balance, he does a very wide turn to face them.

MICHAEL

The man said ducks rollerblade and it makes them mighty! Crazy right! What do you think that means? A rollerblading duck used these very skates - $400 is a bargain. I would of spent $400 on a Gameboy so what's the difference here?

CHRIS

NO MICHAEL. The man clearly was referring to the HOLLYWOOD MOVIE FRANCHISE MIGHTY DUCKS. They aren't actual ducks. They are kids. They rollerblade IN THE MOVIES.

MICHAEL arrives back to the group. He is unable to stop. He glides in BOBBY who stops him. MICHAEL looks to CHRIS.

MICHAEL

Kid ducks are ducklings. Not kidlings. Kids are baby goats, CHRIS. And who are you to tell duck kids that they aren't mighty? Kids believe what they want. Let them be mig-

BOBBY has lost his grip on MICHAEL as his rollerblades shoot from under him. MICHAEL violently tries to regain his balance. BOBBY and CHRIS reach out to brace him. They each catch an arm.

MICHAEL

Thanks dudes. I'm usually more mighty on my duck skates.

REX

How about you take off the . . . duck skates . . . and jump in with us? Besides, you look pretty tired.

MICHAEL ponders the offer and nods. He pushes off from BOBBY and CHRIS and glides backwards uncontrollably. As he is doing so, DWIGHT is power-walking past on the sidewalk. DWIGHT sees the group and yells.

DWIGHT

I win again, MICHAEL?!

MICHAEL turns to DWIGHT which causes him to lose his balance again. He re-gains it and yells back.

MICHAEL

In your dreams!

MICHAEL turns to the guys and with an urgency in his voice, he barks at them.

MICHAEL

REX! BOBBY! – quick remove my duck skates!

REX

UH, we need you to sit down, or we can't take them off?

MICHAEL is clearly not listening and more occupied with the fact that DWIGHT has distanced himself further up the street and towards DUNDER MIFFLIN. He shakes off REX and CHRIS and starts off down the road to the office in hot pursuit of DWIGHT. DWIGHT notices this and starts speed-walking more aggressively. MICHAEL glides for a moment to allow himself to hit the play button on his Walkman. He begins to sing to the tune "Semi Charmed Life" as he begins to stride forward.

MICHAEL

"I WANT SOMETHING ELSE TO GET ME THROUGH THIS . . . DWIGHT'S NOT GONNA WIN! BABY! BABY!"

REX and CHRIS exchange a glance and shrug. BOBBY shakes his head. They pile in the van. They stare at the scene playing out before them. CHRIS finally breaks the silence.

CHRIS

This is something else, eh. We should film this. . .

Before BOBBY or REX can respond, someone races past the van. It's STANLEY. He is in a full out sprint.

REX

Was that . . . STANELY?

By now STANLEY has reached MICHAEL and DWIGHT – and has passed them without even acknowledging them. MICHAEL sees this and loses his balance and wipes out in dramatic fashion. DWIGHT turns his head to taunt MICHAEL and speed-walks straight into a street sign. The three guys in the van share a collective "OUUU". Then, CHRIS puts the van in reverse.

BOBBY

Uhh, the Office is that way?

REX

Yeah. Shouldn't we check on those two?

CHRIS looks into the side mirror as they pull away.

CHRIS

I just don't really feel like having to submit a statement for a police report today.

END SCENE

OPENING CREDITS ROLL

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM. DAY.

THE ENTIRE OFFICE STAFF IS COLLECTED INSIDE THE CONFERENCE ROOM. TOBY HAS WHEELED THE WINDOWS 98 COMPUTER INSIDE THE CONFERENCE ROOM AND IT IS SET UP TO PROJECT THROUGH A VERY LOUD AND HOT PROJECTOR ONTO THE CHALKBOARD. BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX ARE SEATED AT THE VERY BACK OF THE ROOM AND HAVE THE CAMERA SET UP FACING THE FRONT. THEY ARE LOOKING TO CAPTURE THE PRESENTATION AND AT IT INTO THEIR VIDEO. THEY ARE AWAITING AUSTIN'S ARRIVAL TO BEGIN THE PRESENTATION. MICHAEL, WHO HAS CHNAGED HIS SHIRT FROM EARLIER, LOOKS AROUND THE CONFERENCE ROOM FROM HIS CHAIR.

MICHAEL

Alright. Where's AUSTIN? He said 9 o'clock. If you're 10 minutes early, you're 5 minutes late. He should know that! I know DAVID WALLACE appreciates promptness!

ED TRUCK is standing at the door and checks his watch impatiently. He glances out into the office. He sees AUSTIN enter the office at reception.

ED TRUCK

Ahh, speak of the devil!

DWIGHT rolls his eyes and snorts.

DWIGHT

Ha.

ED TRUCK doesn't respond to DWIGHT's comment. Instead, as AUSTIN approaches the conference room, he straightens his tie and smiles.

ED TRUCK

AUSTIN, good morning. Glad you could join us again today. We are all set if we want to get underway!

AUSTIN shakes ED TRUCKS' hand and enters the room. He appears disheveled, he has a 5 o'clock shadow and his tie is not done up all the way. AUSTIN quickly straightens his tie and clears his throat.

AUSTIN

Good Morning, DUNDER MIFFLIN. Apologies. I was up all night filling reports and - got tied up this morning.

MEREDITH, who is sitting at the back sipping a coffee, chuckles, smirks and elbows ANGELA who is seated next to her. She quietly whispers.

MEREDITH

Damn right he filled my reports. Guess who tied him up?

ANGELA gags. PHYLLIS, who overheard lets out a laugh. DWIGHT turns to them annoyed.

DWIGHT

Stop it. The sooner this is over, the sooner this Devil Computerman leaves and the sooner I can decide on which plan I want to execute to defeat his Overlords.

DWIGHT turns back to the front of the room. He motions for AUSTIN to proceed.

DWIGHT

Continue Devil Computerman. As you were. But! Be warned. I am trained in the way of Hermes; God of Thievery. I will be able to identify your trickery!

AUSTIN takes off his suit jacket and hangs it over the back of a chair at the front of the room. DWIGHT hasn't broken his stare towards AUSTIN. AUSTIN nods in a mocking manner directed at DWIGHT.

AUSTIN

I appreciate your attention to detail DWIGHT. I will certainly be seeking some notes from you after this presentation. Perhaps you can put some of that Hermes training to good use . . . since he IS ALSO the God of Messages, eh?

AUSTIN smirks at DWIGHT. DWIGHT tilts his head in approval.

DWIGHT

Well, played Devilman. Well played. But you are mistaken. That is Mercury. I will not judge you as it's a common misconception among Mercury followers.

CREED

Mercury is in retrograde right now.

CREED taps both his ears with his index fingers and then gives AUSTIN "the guns" and winks

CREED

Just so you know. Take your time, BRANDO. You have my full ear.

ED TRUCK, who was quietly soaking in the weird conversation finally steps in.

ed truck

Ok! Enough chit chat. Let's get going on this shall we? I don't want to rush AUSTIN through is as it will be crucial for us all to understand the computer.

AUSTIN smiles politely at ED TRUCK and then nods at CREED. AUSTIN then addresses the room.

AUSTIN

Thanks everyone, Ok. First off, I'm going to -

AUSTIN is interrupted with a yell from reception. JUDY yells to the conference room.

JUDY

DAVID WALLACE HAS ARRIVED!

ED TRUCK turns around quickly to greet DAVID WALLACE who has arrived at the conference room door. They shake hands. MICHAEL stands at attention smiling. DWIGHT notices this and instantly stands up too, unsure of why – but afraid to be left out. They are the only ones standing beside AUSTIN in the conference room. DAVID WALLACE takes one step into the conference room.

DAVID WALLACE

Hello everyone. Don't mind me. I'm just going to sit in.

DAVID WALLACE ducks into the conference room casually. The office murmurs a hello. DAVID WALLACE raises his eyebrows as he sees AUSTIN.

DAVID WALLACE

AUSTIN, right? From MICROSOFT?

DAVID WALLACE extends a hand to AUSTIN. They shake hands.

AUSTIN

Good Morning. DAVID. Yes. I'm AUSTIN and I'm with MICROSOFT. Yes. Thanks for joining. We were just about to get started. We have a great group here and I really am excited to show them how the computer will make their lives easier!

DAVID WALLACE nods. As he turns to find a seat, he sees BOBBY, CHRIS and REX in the back. DAVID WALLACE points at the men and quizzically tilts his head.

DAVID WALLACE

PBS film crew?

REX

Yes. Hello! I'm REX, this is CHRIS and Bobby.

DAVID WALLACE

Excellent. I'd like to chat with you after. But, let's get this started, shall we?

MICHAEL, who has been standing since DAVID WALLACE arrived, exclaims from the middle row of chairs.

MICHAEL

I have saved you a seat, DAVID WALLACE. It's normally reserved for Salesmen of The Year but I will gladly let you use it. Come sit. I am MICHAEL. You know me from my letters. I hope you allow me to present a gift to you!

DAVID WALLACE obliges and goes to sit down. MICHAEL hands DAVID WALLACE his backpack with the Ride Him List goods in it.

DAVID WALLACE

Of course, MICHAEL. Thank you.

DAVID WALLACE sits and sets the bag down without opening it.

MICHAEL

Aren't you going to see what I got you?

DAVID WALLACE smiles and grimaces.

DAVID WALLACE

I will check right after this, MICHAEL. I appreciate the gesture. I really do. But, I think we should get this underway. I will most certainly look after. Ok?

MICHAEL smiles. He then goes for a handshake as DAVID WALLACE goes to turn back to face the front. DAVID WALLACE reaches back awkwardly and they shake hands but with only with finger tips. It's a weird exchange. However, MICHAEL seems thrilled and is beaming ear to ear. From behind him, DWIGHT extends his hand looking for a shake. MICHAEL swats it away. DWIGHT recoils his hand and sits down. MICHAEL turns to AUSTIN.

MICHAEL

Okay Computer Devil! Do your worst!

MICHAEL, who is now sitting a row behind DAVID WALLACE, leans over his shoulder and says to DAVID WALLACE.

MICHAEL

If I had it my way, we'd never have meetings in the conference room. Waste of time.

DAVID WALLACE turns, confused. MICHAEL leans back in his chair tapping his watch. AUSTIN looks to BOBBY at the back of the room. BOOBY clicks "record" on the camera and gives AUSTIN a quick 3-2-1 countdown with his fingers.

The following is seen through the camera lens.

AUSTIN

Okay. I think we can officially get underway. Today, we are going to learn a few tricks and tips about the MICROSOFT Windows 98 computer. You will see just how effective and efficient it can be to aid in your daily routine here at DUNDER MIFFLIN. First off, I'm going to run you through the basics of an aptly named program – MICROSOFT OFFICE.

AUSTIN leans to the computer and jiggles the mouse. The screen comes alive on the wall. A gasp can be heard in the room. AUSTIN sees the looks on the faces of the staff and smiles.

AUSTIN

Technology, am I right? Wait until you get a load of this.

AUSTIN moves the mouse cursor around the desktop clicks on the MICROSOFT WORD icon on the desktop. The MICROSOFT WORD program opens, and a blank white page appears.

MICHAEL

Whoa whoa whoa. Why is everything white? Where did everything else go?

DWIGHT

Trickery!

AUSTIN looks to the group.

AUSTIN

This is MICROSOFT Word. This program will enable you to type out reports, orders, make sales notes – or even if you wanted to . . . write a song. It's a blank canvas. You take this keyboard and type out the words. How about you come up and give it a try, STANLEY.

STANLEY is caught off guard but obliges. He walks up to the front on the conference room. He looks at the keyboard and starts hitting buttons. It spells out "S-T-A-N-L-E-Y". He looks to the wall and smiles.

STANLEY

Well I be damned! Incredible!

AUSTIN

Excellent, STANLEY. And much like a typewriter, you may backspace errors. You can indent for paragraphs. If you want to make this BOLD, you can do so to. If you don't like the font, you can change that too. It also comes with pre-built templates for specific documents that require certain formatting. It's really quite an intelligent program. TOBY, why don't you come up, type a few things and then show us how to "Save a File."

TOBY jolts to life and walks to the front of the conference room. STANLEY returns to his seat. MICHAEL sees TOBY pass his row of chairs as he makes his way to the front of the conference room. He puts his hands to his mouth and yells:

MICHAEL

Booooooo!

TOBY shakes his head and begins to work on the computer. ED TRUCK snaps his fingers at MICHAEL as if to say "Be quiet." MICHAEL recognizes this and leans back in his chair. He mimics closing a zipper across his mouth. TOBY has now taken control of the mouse and begins to work on the computer.

TOBY

Okay. So, I'll type a few things.

TOBY proceeds to type out a few sentences. He is using his index finger and typing one letter at a time. He types: "Dunder Mifflin Paper Company human resources representitive TOBY likes this computer and it will make things easier to do at work and help be better at my job and that will make things better for working here and it's fun." TOBY finishes his typing and steps back to look at the screen to admire his work. Little does he know, he has misspelled Representative. No one says anything until PHYLLIS raises her hand an quietly speaks.

PHYLLIS

That sentence is what my niece would call a run-on sentence. Also, what's that squiggly line under "representative"?

The office shares a collective laugh at TOBY's expense. TOBY flushes in embarrassment. AUSTIN notices this and jumps in.

AUSTIN

Sure. Maybe a run on and sure maybe a spelling error but look at this function. This program highlights your spelling errors with that "squiggly line".

AUSTIN highlights the sentence and proceeds to use the Spellcheck tool and fix the sentence. He then highlights the word representative. The office members look to OSCAR. OSCAR notices this and speaks.

OSCAR

It was incorrect but the program has the correct spelling. Punctuation looks good too.

AUSTIN looks to TOBY. TOBY is still flushed.

AUSTIN

TOBY. What's the most difficult word you know but don't know with 100% confidence it's spelling –

MICHAEL jumps in before TOBY has a chance to answer.

MICHAEL

Halitosis!

DAVID WALLACE turns and looks at MICHAEL. He turns back to face the front. AUSTIN looks to TOBY. TOBY shrugs and proceeds to type in "Hallitoesis". The squiggly line pops up to indicate that it's spelt incorrectly.

AUSTIN

Awwwhh. So yes. Incorrect. Good try TOBY. But, before we try and see –

OSCAR shows his piece of paper with the proper spelling. AUSTIN notices this and trails off.

OSCAR

See what the computer shows.

AUSTIN highlights the word, and it shows exactly the spelling OSCAR has on his pad of paper. The office members once erupt seeing that the words match. OSCAR smiles with satisfaction.

AUSTIN

Well, well. OSCAR. You are going to be quite proficient on this program! I can guarantee that!

Everyone in the conference room claps. OSCAR meekly smiles. DWIGHT chimes in.

DWIGHT

Question.

AUSTIN points to DWIGHT.

DWIGHT

It's rude to point. Don't point at me.

AUSTIN puts his hands in his pockets and nods at DWIGHT.

DWIGHT

Don't nod at me. What are you a prairie hutterite? –

MICHAEL shouts.

MICHAEL

Don't have a cow, DWIGHT! Ask the question!

DWIGHT calmy asks.

DWIGHT

Does the – machine - also have the ability to perhaps show the . . . I don't know . . . root words and the meanings before and after prefixes and suffixes.

AUSTIN smiles.

AUSTIN

Sure. Why not. This little doosey has a Dictionary built into it . . . so . . . let's see!

The office erupts in cheers again.

DWIGHT

Search "Emotion"... as in "The computer will never have the ability to feel emotion."

DWIGHT chuckles to himself. No one else does. TOBY looks to AUSTIN. AUSTIN leans over to TOBY and takes control of the mouse.

AUSTIN (TO TOBY)

Dictionary function is here.

AUSTIN clicks the mouse a few times and steps back. TOBY smiles and then he types in the word. TOBY leans in towards the screen.

TOBY

I don't see a root word but . . . it says here "The word emotion dates back to 1579 when the French adapted it from the word Emouvoir".

TOBY mispronounces Emouvoir. OSCAR speaks.

OSCAR

Pronounced : Emouvoir. Just. Nitpicking but just saying.

DWIGHT lets out an over exaggerated laugh.

DWIGHT

Wrong. Emotion. Root word: Moat. As in I have built up a "moat" around my being to protect me from feelings. E-MOAT-tion. It's right in the word. Right in the middle. The machine is wrong. I am right.

OSCAR

That is preposterous. If that theory were correct, you'd say the root word in . . .

OSCAR looks to the ceiling as he searches for a word to use in his argument.

OSCAR (CONT)

. . . Carrot would be "rot". Do you see what I mean? Come on, DWIGHT. You cannot believe that.

DWIGHT bluntly responds.

DWIGHT

The root word in Carrot is "Arro" as in the "Arrow-like shape" it grows in as it penetrates the Earth. And another thing wise guy, the carrot is in fact a root. We eat the root before the carrot tree can grow to full stature. Mose forgot to harvest one of our Carrot trees last year and now it's over 10ft tall with limbs. So. There. Boom. I win again.

OSCAR rolls his eyes.

creed

I'm learning so much today. I'm glad I woke up today.

ED TRUCK lets out a sigh.

ED TRUCK

Can we continue? Why must it always be so difficult with you, DWIGHT.

DWIGHT

I respect a good "stress test". Would you use a bridge if it was just built and the engineer said "Yup. Looks good!". I surely wouldn't without referring to the stress test findings.

PHYLLIS mutters under her breath.

PHYLLIS(under breath)

You stress me out.

DAVID WALLACE throws up his hands.

DAVID WALLACE

Please. Let's move forward. Lots to learn and I don't want to waste any more of AUSTIN's time figuring out "root words".

DAVID WALLACE glares at DWIGHT. DWIGHT doesn't seem to mind and with a large smug smile, he looks to AUSTIN.

DWIGHT

Proceed.

AUSTIN looks at DWIGHT and then to ED TRUCK and finally to TOBY.

AUSTIN

Crazy idea TOBY. But. How does it sound if we maybe set up a program to help you with the typing and the writing? Maybe you can become the leader on this and help train the others on this. I have a few programs that could certainly help. Sure, they have small weekly fees but we can build that into your current payment plan! I will leave some info with ED TRUCK and he can realign with me.

MICHAEL scoffs.

MICHAEL

The only thing TOBY will ever write will be his own obituary.

TOBY lowers his shoulders and mutters to himself as he heads back to his chair.

TOBY(to himself)

I'll show you.

AUSTIN then changes his tone and heads back to the computer. He takes control of the mouse and begins typing away. He then looks to the group.

AUSTIN

Alright. Now, we want to save this. So here is how we – do – that . . . Click this. Click save. And then name the file -

MICHAEL

Name it - TOBY STINKS.

MICHAEL leans forward again to DAVID WALLACE

MICHAEL

He does stink. You should smell his office. It's a cross between hot elephant farts and Cheez-Whiz.

DAVID WALLACE turns only half-way to MICHAEL. AUSTIN didn't hear MICHAELS remarks and goes forward with the presentation.

AUSTIN

So, the file is saved. We can even exit the program and pick back up where we left off. So now. We are going to open our current files that are saved on the computer! I have a feeling the accountants in here will like this when it comes time for searching out reports!

ANGELA

Doubt it.

AUSTIN looks to ANGELA and tries to smile. Her unimpressed expression throws him off. AUSTIN coughs and tries to clear his throat. He looks to ED TRUCK.

AUSTIN

Can I get some coffee, ED?

Out of nowhere, TED pipes up.

TED

Honestly, Rostin. I have no idea what this is about. First thing we're talking about plants and now were talking about saving files and such in a computer. I have no idea who you are. Why would you ever assume I'd get you coffee?

AUSTIN is startled and turns to TED. TED is sitting in the front row. AUSTIN was clearly talking to ED TRUCK but of course, TED has misheard him.

AUSTIN

Uh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. I was talking to ED TRUCK.

TED gingerly gets out of his chair and groans. He slaps his thighs with his palms.

TED

Well, I'm up now. So. Whatever.

TED walks out of the room. From out in the office, he yells back to the conference room.

TED

I only know how to do black coffee!

DWIGHT yells back.

DWIGHT

Black like your soul. Get to it then!

ED TRUCK walks over to the conference room door and shuts it quickly. DAVID WALLACE looks to ED TRUCK.

ED TRUCK

I'll explain later.

DAVID WALLACE nods. AUSTIN shakes his head. He looks to TOBY and goes back to work. REX nudges CHRIS at the back of the room while they are filming.

REX

That guy is crazy. Literally can't hear anything but his own name.

CHRIS chuckles and nods in agreement. Suddenly, a loud tap can be heard at the window of the conference room. It's TED. He yells from the office to the conference room.

TED

I put a fresh pot on! It's going to be a while! I hope you don't mind!

DWIGHT slowly gets out of his chair and moves to the glass of the conference room. He slowly pulls the blinds down. TED bends at the knees and slowly crouches as the blinds creep down.

TED

I hope you don't mind!

END SCENE

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM. MID AFT.

IT HAS BEEN 3 LONG HOURS. THE GROUP HAS BEEN AT IT ON AND OFF. AUSTIN HAS SHOWN THE TUTORIALS FOR THE VARIOUS PROGRAMS AVAILABLE ON THE COMPUTER. HE IS JUST ABOUT TO SHOW THEM THE FINAL PROGRAM – EXCEL. HE KNOWS HOW VALUABLE IT IS AND IT'LL SEAL THE DEAL. HE OPENS IT. OSCAR TAKES NOTICE AND EXCLAIMS FROM HIS CHAIR.

OSCAR

What is that? Is that what I think it is?

AUSTIN looks up from the computer and smiles.

AUSTIN

Yes, OSCAR. That is a spreadsheet.

DAVID WALLACE smirks and looks to OSCAR. He puts his arm around the chair beside him, crosses his legs and leans back.

DAVID WALLACE

I've heard of the EXCEL program. Finance uses it at corporate. I've never seen it in action. This is fascinating! It keeps getting better. You will like it, OSCAR. I hear that it's going to be a prerequisite at HQ soon for any Accountant. BIG STEPS!

AUSTIN

You bet. You can name the cells, provide formulas for them and they calculate it all how you design. Perfect for accounting. You can build a bar graph, pie graph and even – a scatter plot. Which – is my personal favourite of all plots. I love me a good scatter plot.

AUSTIN chuckles to himself. DWIGHT pipes up.

DWIGHT

What about a cemetery plot, huh?

ED TRUCK groans.

ED TRUCK

DWIGHT. Cmon now. Can we go a damn day without hearing about cemetery plots.

DWIGHT doesn't react. By now, AUSTIN had gone ahead and started building a data set in the EXCEL program. As he has done so, OSCAR stares forward and then looks to the screen. The office members look to OSCAR as if to seek his approval first.

OSCAR

It can tally up fractions? Decimals? Can you define the formulas yourself? Can you save them for future files? I have so many questions!

ANGELA

Maybe if you stopped talking and let the man speak he'd show you.

OSCAR glares at ANGELA.

AUSTIN

OSCAR. It can. This program may be the smartest of all the MICROSOFT programs currently. I think it will greatly benefit you when applied correctly.

OSCAR shakes his head in excitement. He begins to smile.

OSCAR

Fascinating. This would be wonderful. Wouldn't it, ANGELA?

OSCAR looks to ANGELA with stern face. ANGELA doesn't move and yawns.

ANGELA

It seems difficult.

AUSTIN

Trust me, it's very easy.

ANGELA looks at AUSTIN for a moment and then plainly replies.

ANGELA

I don't trust you.

CREED

I trust you, Brando. I can see it in your eyes. I get a good read on you, fella. Keep up the good work.

AUSTIN nods. He then quickly types in a function into a cell. It shows 2(3x3). He stops and steps back from the computer and points to the screen.

AUSTIN

I will skip the basics but you get the point. This formula here . . . And the answer is here . . . You could apply that formula to any data as you drag it over the numbers here . . .

The flashing number in the cell shows 18. The room goes quiet. Everyone looks to OSCAR. OSCAR awkwardly smiles. He pulls out a notebook and begins scribbling. After a few moments, he raises the book. It shows the same number and a full breakdown of the equation – long hand. OSCAR speaks with a sense of surprise in his voice.

OSCAR

Calculations are correct.

The office erupts with cheers. AUSTIN smiles.

AUSTIN

Excellent! You can now duplicate that into chart form and have it populated a graph. You can define y axis, x axis . . .

AUSTIN quickly builds a chart. By now, the entire office is transfixed to the program. AUSTIN steps back from the computer again and points to the screen.

AUSTIN

And viola, we have ourselves a wonderful chart that can be submitted within reports or perhaps filed away for future reference.

Again, the office members hold their excitement. OSCAR has been building a similar chart on his notebook with the data on the screen. OSCAR completes it and raises it to show the group.

OSCAR

It's the same. Calculations are correct.

Once again, the office erupts in cheers. ED TRUCK then stands up from his seated position and addresses AUSTIN and then the staff members. He senses the positive momentum in the room and wants to jump on it.

ED TRUCK

Why don't you show them that messenger program you were talking about in my office yesterday. M-S-N or whatever. I know it's not out until next year but perhaps a sneak peek? DAVID, you'll love this.

ED TRUCK nods to AUSTIN and DAVID WALLACE as he sits back down. AUSTIN smiles and pulls out a floppy disk from his coat pocket.

PHYLLIS

What is that?

AUSTIN

A floppy disk. It contains the program – I will run a quick demonstration.

MEREDITH elbows ANGELA again and whispers.

MEREDITH

It sure wasn't floppy and it wasn't quick let me tell ya.

By now, AUSTIN has the rudimentary MSN program up on the screen.

AUSTIN

We will be quick. So, this program isn't out until next year. It runs on the internet and is an Instant Messaging Program. It connects anyone who has a profile, and they can chat. This is going to eliminate "Water Cooler" talk and it will also speed up work related conversations. Instead of walking to . . . STANLEY's desk to ask a question – you can type it here and he can respond. We are even piloting a program that integrates all of this in a "Hub". It would be your email – once the company has approved those at head office of course –

AUSTIN looks to ED TRUCK and they share a laugh.

AUSTIN(CONT)

-It'll also have business related files to access, productivity aids and we are looking at having perhaps a data base of sorts to hold all the necessary info – a reference file if you will. We are only in the design stage so for today . . . we will just stick with MSN for now. It's going to be amazing once it's completed!

DAVID WALLACE leans forward and puts his elbows on his knees. AUSTIN has launched the program and has started showing its function. DAVID WALLACE claps his hands together.

DAVID WALLACE

Incredible. Simply incredible. I must know more. This would streamline so many things. It's ready next year? What about the Hub program?

AUSTIN

It sure is. Beyond this little tutorial for MSN, there isn't much else I can legally say. So. Really, that about covers it. I best be stopping myself there.

AUSTIN steps away from the computer. DWIGHT speaks up.

DWIGHT

So you can, in theory, type WHATEVER you want into the . . . MSN machine and it will show on the other person's screen? Is that correct?

AUSTIN nods.

AUSTIN

Everyone will need a computer and everyone will have the own profile for the program to work.

DWIGHT nods.

DWIGHT

So you can, in theory, type WHATEVER and you will have no repercussion? Is that correct?

AUSTIN shrugs and goes to speak. DWIGHT interrupts him.

DWIGHT

I can't any problems with that!

DWIGHT rolls his eyes sarcastically. AUSTIN decides to not engage with DWIGHT and looks to ED TRUCK instead.

AUSTIN

How'd we do for time, ED TRUCK?

As AUSTIN goes to shut down the computer, his mouse icon scrolls past "Solitaire" on the START menu. DWIGHT jumps to attention.

DWIGHT

What are those programs? What is Solitaire? What are you hiding from us, Devil? Enough trickery! Let us see it!

AUSTIN

Uh, Solitaire is a card game already downloaded onto the computer. It's not important. We can skip going through that.

DWIGHT is unconvinced and presses.

DWIGHT

Liar. Show us. I demand thee.

DAVID WALLACE

DWIGHT. AUSTIN is not going to show us solitaire. Besides, you or anyone else here will never use it anyway. It's likely a distraction and time waster. It might as well not even be there. Anyways, can we wrap this up and jump next store? I want to chat further. In private. I also need to chat with the PBS guys so this could take a while.

ED TRUCK and AUSTIN nod. DAVID WALLACE gets up and walks out of the conference room with the two men. AUSTIN leans back into the conference room.

AUSTIN

Hey TOBY. Can you wheel the computer back to your office? And if there are any questions from anyone – please make note of them and I'll answer them before I leave. Thanks, sport.

AUSTIN looks back to BOBBY, CHRIS and REX.

AUSTIN

I hope you got enough footage. Maybe we can even record my answers?

AUSTIN then looks to MEREDITH. There is a moment pause.

AUSTIN

We still on for Outback Steakhouse, 7pm?

MEREDITH doesn't hesitate.

MEREDITH

Sure thing, bucko.

END SCENE

INT. LUNCH ROOM.

BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX ARE SEATED IN THE LUNCH ROOM. THEY ARE QUIETLY DISCUSSING THE FOOTAGE FROM THE MORNING. DAVID WALLACE ENTERS.

DAVID WALLACE

Hey guys. How'd it go in there? All of us at corporate are really excited you are here. We certainly will use the video you develop to introduce and educate the other branches on the MICROSOFT Computer. It's all so exciting.

REX

Sure it is. The footage has been great. We are extremely excited to be here and we are happy to be a part of DUNDER MIFFLINS growth into the future.

BOBBY

Things are good, DAVID. Thank you.

DAVID WALLACE

Swell. I think it's going to be great. Hey listen. I'm sticking around tomorrow. ED TRUCK is going to be interviewing some new potential hires. Maybe that's cause for some more footage? Perhaps work that in some how?

CHRIS

Sure. The more the merrier. When are the interviewees coming in?

DAVID WALLACE stops for a moment and then proceeds.

DAVID WALLACE

I think 2pm. We are –

DAVID WALLACE looks behind him to the office. He steps closer to the guys and lowers his voice.

DAVID WALLACE

ED TRUCK is actually looking at replacing JUDY and even adding another salesman. Truth be told, DUNDER MIFFLIN SCRANTON is firing on all cylinders. ED TRUCK has built a powerhouse team here. With a few additions, he could be the top branch within the company.

BOBBY seems impressed.

BOBBY

I would of never guessed.

DAVID WALLACE

Yeah. This company needs more MICHAEL SCOTTS and DWIGHT SCHRUTES. Their sales have been on the incline since day one. If each branch had one of them – we'd be made.

CHRIS looks out through the window in the lunchroom to the office. He sees MICHAEL and DWIGHT. MICHAEL is drawing fangs on a beanie baby. DWIGHT is spinning in his chair on the phone throwing punches.

CHRIS

Yeah. They are quite the pair. So, we'll see you tomorrow?

DAVID WALLACE

You bet. See you then.

DAVID WALLACE leaves the guys. CHRIS turns to BOBBY.

BOBBY

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

END SCENE

int. lunch room. 30 mins later

BOBBY, CHRIS and rex have MICHAEL AND DWIGHT SET UP FOR ANOTHER INTERVIEW SESSION. THIS TIME, THEY ARE MORE INTERESTED IN THEIR "OFF THE WALL" ANTICS THAN THEY ARE THE FOOTAGE. THIS IS CLEARLY FOR their ENJOYMENT. They have the camera focused on the two in frame from the stomach up.

THE FOLLOWING IS SEEN THROUGH THE CAMERA LENS.

CHRIS (OFF CAMERA)

Can you describe in your own words what the significance of the computer is to this office.

MICHAEL has a cold look on his face. He turns to DWIGHT. DWIGHT has his eyes closed and is muttering words to himself.

MICHAEL

What are you doing?

Without opening his eyes, DWIGHT responds.

DWIGHT

I am mapping out the floorplan of this office and inscribing it into my memory. When the Computerman Devil takes over the branch, I will need to rely on my memory to gain access to this fortress to defeat him.

DWIGHT continues to mutter. MICHAEL looks back to the camera.

MICHAEL

Tell me a computer will beat DWIGHT and I will be shocked. You know what? I am willing to bet you that we won't have computers in here by the end of the year. I'd bet you my whole savings account on it.

CHRIS (off camera)

That didn't really answer the question guys. Please. What do you think of the computers coming to DUNDER MIFFLIN?

DWIGHT opens his eyes.

DWIGHT

Ok. That's how you want to do it? Ok. Here's a story for you; It is the year of our Lord 2022. The Earth is inhabitable. Computers have begun to learn. Paper selling computers have been superior to man for months. They began to replace us. Sure, it started off small and innocent: Mailman, Toll Booth Operator, Garbageman – they all got replaced. Then they went for the big guns-

DWIGHT holds up his hand to count.

DWIGHT

Botanist. Taxidermist. Zoologist. Mixologist. Bear-ologist.

BOBBY snickers off camera. DWIGHT looks to him.

DWIGHT

Something funny? You yourself are a slave to these damn machines already. Look? If this camera wasn't here would you be?

MICHAEL

AHH! The old "camera and the egg" conundrum. I riddle old as time herself.

DWIGHT is still staring at BOBBY.

BOBBY (OFF CAMERA)

I was laughing at bear-ologist. I don't think that is a real job.

DWIGHT

Why don't you ask my Cousin Hector about that. He's been a bear-ologist his whole life. His lineage comes directly from bears. That's what gives him his ability to run on 4 legs.

DWIGHT points off screen to the office behind him.

DWIGHT

Them? They are the poor lambs that will be slaughtered. Don't kid yourself, you can taste the scaredness in a lamb chop. Believe me. I ruined a Schrute Fowl Supper with a scared lamb. Always approach a lamb from the West. West is best.

CHRIS looks to REX. REX has a puzzled look on his face.

REX

But DWIGHT . . . if the computers replace all of us, what ever will you do?

MICHAEL cuts DWIGHT off before he can answer.

MICHAEL

You know what I would do? I would take my 2 time Salesman of the Year and I would sell my time to the computers. They would pay me for my time. Like an Egyptian Ferrel.

DWIGHT looks at MICHAEL. He recognizes that MICHAEL has said "Ferrel" instead of "Pharoh" but doesn't address it, instead, he plainly responds.

DWIGHT

That would make you an employee of the computers.

MICHAEL

Uh. No. I would be getting paid, DWIGHT.

BOBBY (OFF CAMERA)

MICHAEL. You just described employment. Being paid for your time. To provide a service.

MICHAEL sits up straight and looks at BOBBY off camera.

MICHAEL

Ok. Riddle me this. How come I make sales for 2 weeks. Then I get paid for it. Hmm? Magic? No. I'm being paid to sell. My very first day I told ED TRUCK my time is free. Pay me for my sales only. He said he liked my style and agreed.

DWIGHT turns to MICHAEL inquisitively.

DWIGHT

MICHAEL. Are you telling me that you only get paid for your sales? Nothing else?

MICHAEL

DUH. That's how business works. I don't know what you're talking about.

DWIGHT turns to the camera.

DWIGHT

The computers will have fun with this one.

END SCENE

OUTRO

MAIN OFFICE AREA. LATE AFTERNOON.

PHYLLIS IS MAKING HER WAY AROUND THE OFFICE COLLECTING THE REST OF THE WORKERS QUESTIONS/FEEDBACK FOR AUSTIN AND HIS COMPUTER PRESENTATION. AUSTIN HAS AGREED TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS FOR THE GROUP AND PROVIDE FEEDBACK BEFORE HE LEAVES. THE FILM TEAM HAS FINISHED UP WITH MICHAEL AND DWIGHT AND THEY HAVT TOO Returned to the main office area.

PHYLLIS

Ok everyone! I think I've gotten all the submissions for feedback and questions. Last chance. Is there anyone I missed?

As she turns to the staff, TOBY enters from the HR Office through the Kitchen.

PHYLLIS

Hey TOBY. It looks like I'm finished here. What would you like me to do with these submissions?

TOBY walks to PHYLLIS. In her hand, she has a thin stack of papers. TOBY takes them from her.

TOBY

Thanks, PHYLLIS. Let's get these to AUSTIN.

TOBY turns to AUSTIN who has just exited ED TRUCK's office. TOBY approaches him.

TOBY

Hey AUSTIN. We have the questions here from the group. Do you want to run through them quick?

AUSTIN looks to his watch and then to TOBY.

AUSTIN

You know what, TOBY. I actually gotta run. I have an appointment this afternoon before I get back to HQ. So, how about you EMAIL those over and I can fire back my responses. Sound good?

TOBY looks to the papers and then to AUSTIN.

TOBY

Ok. Sounds good. I'll email them over later.

ED TRUCK appears from his office with DAVID WALLACE.

ED TRUCK

We do appreciate the visit AUSTIN, but please – get on your way. We don't want to hold you up. TOBY will email those over when he can! Thank You!

AUSTIN obliges and waves goodbye to the office members. ED TRUCK and DAVID WALLACE take AUSTIN to the exit of the office. But, before they can, DWIGHT skips over to TOBY and snatches the papers out of his hand. AUSTIN and ED TRUCK turn around.

DWIGHT

FAX. THESE. DON'T. EMAIL. THEM. FAX is more secure than – emails. The Computer Devil is lying to you all. The computers and printers will be the death of us all!

DWIGHT looks to AUSTIN. AUSTIN chuckles.

AUSTIN

You should really embrace computers and printers DWIGHT. With more computers, that brings more printers and that means you sell more paper. You actually may end up selling printers here one day. Who knows. It's a positive change for you. Why do you hate that so? What do you currently rely on for sales now?

DWIGHT steps forward in a challenging manner.

DWIGHT

We rely on "lists". Everyone needs paper for lists. Grocery lists, TO-DO Lists, Wish Lists, Cyclists . . .

CREED shouts form his desk.

CREED

Christmas Lists!

DWIGHT points to CREED.

DWIGHT

Exactly. What he said. Often when people forget things, I ask them if they've been "listing". If they weren't listing then I cannot help them. Live and die by the list.

AUSTIN

Are you saying listing or listening?

DWIGHT

Listing.

AUSTIN

What?

DWIGHT speaks to the whole office.

DWIGHT

Sounds like someone hasn't been listing!

AUSTIN laughs. He looks to ED TRUCK and then to DWIGHT. AUSTIN reaches into his coat and produces a business card.

AUSTIN

When you're ready, DWIGHT . . . send me your list of Wants and Needs and I can guarantee that a computer can solve them all.

AUSTIN slaps a card down on the reception desk. He turns and leaves with ED TRUCK. TOBY walks over and picks up AUSTIN's card. He examines it and then points to it and addresses DWIGHT.

TOBY

See. I will email them to AUSTIN and he'll get them back to us. I don't have a FAX number from him . . . NO FAX number on his card.

DWIGHT turns and walks to the fax machine behind the reception desk and places the papers in the tray. He punches in a few numbers then looks back to AUSTIN. The fax machine fires up. TOBY looks to DWIGHT.

toby

It's not a competition, DWIGHT.

DWIGHT coldly responds.

DWIGHT

I don't remember signing a Non-Compete clause.

TOBY doesn't respond. From behind him, the fax machine in ED TRUCK's office can be heard receiving DWIGHT's fax. TOBY exhales, defeated.

END OF EPISODE

This content is non-commercial fan fiction. It was written out of admiration of the original writings. I only intended to present MY OWN view of what COULD have taken place before the original works. Any characters, settings or other details from the original works that have made their way into my stories are owned and belong to NBC Universal and any other relevant copyright holders. I do not own any other Trademarked Materials which includes any mentioned items/people/places/things/etc held in Copyright. This work is available for enjoyment of fellow enthusiast that wish to be taken into a fictitious prologue of the beloved storyline. It is not to be distributed in any manner for the purpose of monetary gain.