The second she gets his lips over hers, she knew it was a mistake.

She had lusted after this moment for the better part of the last two decades and now that she found herself in the middle of it; it wasn't what she wanted.

It had literally all fallen into place and he was sitting on her couch, open and wanting, looking and smelling amazing, and she just couldn't. It felt wrong. It felt like Kathy was going to burst through the room and slap her into Sunday. It felt nearly unnatural.

"Liv, are you ok?" Elliot whispered in the intimate space they'd created over the last few moments.

Always so in sync.

She banished Kathy's voice and last words from her mind as quickly as she could.

"Yeah." She lied.

"Olivia," He intoned, already knowing the answer before he even asked it. He just wanted to hear her say it and it endeared him to her but also set a fire in her belly about the whole thing. And not the good kind.

"Are you feeling this thing between us right now?" She said as confidently as she could, which sounded weak even to her ears.

"I thought I was. Is this not what you want?"

"I really thought it was. I swear Elliot, I'm not trying to lead you on but—"

"Liv," He ran his thumb across the curvature of her cheekbone. "It's ok."

"No, Elliot. You don't understand—" she pushed back from his embrace, trying to emphasize her point.

He took her hands in his, "Make me understand. I want to. I want to do this how you want."

"Oh, El." Her voice cracked despite how much she tried to stay calm.

"For so long we pushed this thing to the back burner because we had to. And now that we finally can, I just feel so guilty. The only way you're able to sit on this couch right now is because she's—" Dead.

"Olivia, no. I'm here because I want to be. Not because you're some second choice."

"But El, you literally just got out of a thirty year marriage. What are your kids going to think? It's barely been a year."

"Liv, you gotta stop being so scared about this. You know my kids love you. Kathleen pretty much thinks you hung the moon. And Dickie's not the bratty seventeen year old you remember. Not to mention that you helped birth Eli." He chuckled,

"Elliot, you still have two other daughters." Olivia said, not wanting to believe the kind words.

"They love you. I promise." He kissed her forehead with reverence, "I don't know what's going on inside that pretty little head of yours, but I know that they just want us to be happy. We'd be stupid to let this go. And my mom? Don't even get me started on some of the things that she's said in the last year."

"I'm trying, I really am. Maybe we just need to take it slow."

"I mean, we've been taking it slow for the last twenty-three years. I think we'll do just fine. I can't screw this up and not have you in my life after I just got you back."

She didn't respond but just nodded a knowing look his way and decided to take another risk and leaned in again.

Having her feelings out in the open now and knowing his heart allowed her to relax so much more into the kiss. There was a smolder building that she could feel stirring between them. And while she had no intention of taking it any further tonight, the feeling of a bit more calm and serenity in his arms lifted a weight from her shoulders.

She was a "one and done" kind of girl, especially after all the loss and heartbreak and trauma she had suffered and continued to work through in her past and in his absence.

The hand he ran through her hair and down the nape of her neck sent shivers down her spine and spread a warmth deeper into her chest.

They broke for air and rested against each other's foreheads, breathing in the shared air. His other arm had drifted to the small of her back to pull her closer to him but now rested on the curve of her hip, rubbing small soothing circles over the thin cotton of her t-shirt.

"How's this for slow?" He barely whispered,

"Just fine for me." She sighed out softly, readjusting against him and the couch cushion.

Maybe it wasn't that she didn't want to start something with him, the man she shared a whole parallel universe with, but the deep-seated shame and fear that had always surrounded such thoughts and feelings, were now able to bubble up freely. Letting go of that guilt was hard and she knew this probably wasn't going to be the first time she needed to pump the breaks. Olivia knew the man so intimately wrapped around her too well. He threw himself into every endeavor and despite her knowledge of his oft-tumultuous marriage, there was no mistaking how he felt.

"You feeling a little better?" He questioned,

"Some of the bricks are coming down. Not all the way, I don't want to rush this either. But I think I'm ok for right now."

"Ok." He said simply with a hint of a smile dancing across his features,

"And I wouldn't mind a little more of this either." She flirted back,

"Just say when."

So continues the wandering hands and minds to a place where they didn't have to deal with the murders and assaults and trauma and everything they have in the years that he's been gone.

She wholeheartedly believes that if they had both been the single, career-driven, passionate people they were and could've been when they met back in 1999, they would've already made up for those 23 years of kisses and weekends. Of staying in bed and maybe even a few kids whose little feet pitter-pattered down the steps on Sunday mornings; when he made breakfast and she wore his T-shirts and that perfect swath of light strewn in from the open kitchen window. The smell of coffee wafting from the kitchen into her room, her hair a mess on the pillow—no doubt a sign of her exhaustion and satiety from the night before.

Maybe she can imagine this parallel universe just a few times more than she has.

Maybe she could make that parallel universe that she had always imagined and tucked away into the recesses of her mind…be the one that she lives in a little more often.

The one where they can just be Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler. Partners.