Brandon Road / .com
THE OFFICE: FROM THERE TO HERE
The OFFICE: FROM THERE TO HERE. An origin story.
EpiSODE 7: Mist OppOrtunity
By
Brandon Road.
FAde In:
INTRO
INT. Break room. AFTERNOON
MICHAEL, DWIGHT, STANLEY AND CREED ARE HUDDLED AROUND A TABLE CLOSEST TO THE WINDOW IN THE BREAK ROOM. ON THE TABLE IS A TIN CAN THAT IS ATTACHED BY STRING THAT TRAVELS OUT THE WINDOW AND OVER TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM WHERE ED TRUCK, DAVID WALLACE AND TOBY ARE PREPPING TO INTERVIEW THEIR POTENTIAL NEW SALESMAN, JIM.
MICHAEL
Guys. I feel like James Bond. Or a Power Ranger. I feel like a Power James Ranger Bond.
MICHAEL steps back from the table and assumes the classic James Bond pose.
MICHAEL
The name is Ranger Bond. Power James Ranger Bond.
MICHAEL snorts at his own joke that CREED and DWIGHT clearly don't find funny.
DWIGHT
MICHAEL. You can't be serious. James Bond would never associate with a Power Ranger. First off, Power Rangers take orders from a floating head in a cave. Zordon? Please. Caves aren't meant for humans. Caves are meant for bears and bats. Bears. Bats. Caves. The "BBC". I love "BBC" Can't get enough BBC.
STANLEY almost jumps in to inform DWIGHT what he is saying but chooses not to. Instead, STANLEY quietly begins to chuckle. DWIGHT stops for a moment, looks at STANLEY and then proceeds on his rant.
DWIGHT
Yeah. Well. Secondly, James Bond could defeat all the Power Rangers at once – even Rita Repulsa wouldn't be able to control her sexual urges towards James Bond. Finally, – and most importantly - James Bond stars in the greatest video game ever of all time on the planet in this galaxy. Goldeneye. What have your precious Power Rangers ever accomplished in the world of video games? They are nothing. James Bond is everything.
STANLEY finally cracks and addresses MICHAEL between laughs.
STANLEY
Hate to break it to ya, MIKE. DWIGHT has got ya here. Them Power Rangers look great and all but no lady can deny a sexy man in a suit. Mhhm! Let's hear it for the BBC, DWIGHT!
DWIGHT smiles and STANELY and him fist pump. STANLEY proceeds to flex and admire his biceps. MICHAEL stares at DWIGHT unimpressed. He turns to STANLEY slowly and then to CREED. CREED has his ear up against the tin can on the table.
MICHAEL
DWIGHT. Could James Bond do this?
MICHAEL backs away from the group and begins a karate impression. CREED joins him but his actions are wild and unpredictable.
MICHAEL
Power James Ranger Bond! Triceratops!
creed
Flower Games Banger Wands! Pterodactyl!
DWIGHT stands up straight and puts his foot up on the table. He begins to rub it seductively.
DWIGHT
Call me Bond. James Bond. I will be having your sex now. Shaken. Then stirred. Maybe even blended.
DWIGHT begins to act out his best James Bond sequences. As MICHAEL and CREED finish their routines – which each last about 30 seconds and stand in a pose – DWIGHT turns to the door. REX is standing there with his camera filming. He tilts his head from behind the lens and he is smiling ear to ear. He gives them the thumbs up.
DWIGHT
You don't have my consent! Delete that! Now!
REX
I think I'll keep it. Could come in handy for training other branches ... on the power of seduction.
DWIGHT walks over to REX.
DWIGHT
I think you should delete that.
REX notices he has the upper hand on DWIGHT. He smirks.
REX
How about this. If you can beat CHRIS at Goldeneye – I'll delete it. CHRIS!? Psst – come here!
REX leans out into the office and motions for CHRIS. CHRIS appears with a confused look on his face.
CHRIS
Hey. What's up? I'm just finalizing the story board for the next scene . . . Kinda busy.
CREED
The cameraman and the weirdo want a bondage fight.
CHRIS looks to CREED; stunned. CREED squints at CHRIS.
REX
DWIGHT here wants to challenge you in Goldeneye. Think you can beat him?
CHRIS turns back from facing CREED and looks to REX.
CHRIS
Uh. Ya. I'd even take him down in slappers only in Facility map. Heck – no cheats even. But what's in it for me.
DWIGHT
It doesn't matter what's in it for you. You will be beaten. Tonight. 7pm. O'Richards. The new pub. I'll bring the console. Prepare to lose.
The men wait and then shake hands aggressively.
MICHAEL
I'm so excited! I feel like a Power Ranger on his first day of Power School!
DWIGHT
Listen. People don't go to the circus to see the elephants, they go to see carnage. Remember that.
DWIGHT releases CHRIS's hand and looks to MICHAEL. MICHAEL breaks back into his Power Ranger routine – which spawns CREED to do the same. DWIGHT shakes his head and leaves the room. As he does, REX slowly opens the camera and begins filming again.
END SCENE
OPENING CREDITS ROLL
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM.
ED TRUCK, DAVID WALLACE AND TOBY ARE STANDING AROUND THE END OF THE CONFERENCE ROOM TABLE HOVERING OVER PAGES SCATTERED ON THE CONFERENCE ROOM TABLE. THEY HAVE BEEN DISCUSSING HOW THE CAMERA TEAM WILL BE FILMING THEIR INTERVIEW. BOBBY, CHRIS, AND REX ARE AT THE FAR END OF THE ROOM ADJUSTING THEIR EQUIPEMENT.
ED TRUCK
Ok. I think we have everything set up. Guys. Remember, don't make a scene. You're here to document only. Got it? Document how TOBY uses the computer to input data and how its beneficial to HR.
BOBBY, CHRIS and REX all nod.
DAVID WALLACE
OK! TOBY. Shall we invite JIM in and get this underway.
TOBY nods and walks out into the office over to JIM. JIM is seated at reception on a small lounge chair. His legs are crossed, and he is reading a magazine. TOBY approaches JIM.
TOBY
Hey, JIM. I'm TOBY. Welcome to DUNDER MIFFLIN. I think we talked on the phone.
JIM smiles and sets down the magazine. He stands up to greet TOBY.
JIM
Sure thing, TOBY. You're voice on the phone didn't disappoint – you are a leader . . . I can tell.
TOBY blushes and bashfully waves off the compliment.
TOBY
Don't try and butter me up, JIM. But I must say. You sounded shorter on the phone.
JIM tilts his head and is unsure if TOBY is complimenting him or not.
JIM
Uhh, I call it how it is, T.
TOBY seems smitten by JIM. A smile slowly creeps across TOBY's face.
TOBY
Shall we get to the interview – .
JIM cringes but smiles. TOBY cringes too. His smile disappears.
JIM
That's a new one. Sure thing. After you. Lead the way.
The two men begin to walk across the office towards the conference room. JIM awkwardly looks to the employees and nods and raises his eyebrows as if to acknowledge them. They are all staring back. The tension is thick in the room. MICHAEL – who was hiding behind the copier machine in earshot the whole time - mimics the sound of a fart. He masks his voice in a poorly executed southern American accent.
MICHAEL
Oh my word. That man has blessed us with his smelly odor.
The office murmurs a laugh. MICHAEL then alters his voice again. This time of an old-time baseball radio announcer.
MICHAEL
Lordy lordy! I do say – that he has gotten alllll of that fart-ball and the stench will be a home run! Phillies win on a fart-walk off!
PHYLLIS chuckles and ANGELA rolls her eyes. STANLEY lets out a loud nose laugh. MICHAEL continues in his accent. He seems to be feeding off the office energy from his jokes.
MICHAEL
He goes by JIM. Long hand – Jimothen. Jimothen... JIM HALPERT. JIM – HALPERT.
MICHAEL stops for a moment.
MICHAEL
Jimothen. He is Tall-y and Length-y and THIN. JIM – O THIN! Not fat like AL"BERT" – Likely Uses PERT shampoo on his SCAL-PERT.
Another low laugh comes from the office members which urges MICHAEL to finally do his Alex Trebek impression.
MICHAEL
The category is "Who am I." For $400, What is tall, dresses like an MTV Music Video and looking to get a job here at DUNDER MIFFLIN SCRANTON.
MEREDITH
What kind of job.
MEREDITH licks her lips and grits her teeth at JIM. TOBY is still trying to get JIM into the conference room but JIM doesn't notice. JIM steps towards the office. DAVID WALLACE has now appeared in the doorway behind him and leans in the door frame with his arms crossed. JIM didn't see DAVID WALLACE emerge and addresses the office.
JIM
Ok. Hi. I'm JIM HALPERT. Not JIMOTHEN. That is my father's name.
JIM pauses. No one gets his joke. He continues.
JIM(CONT)
Ok. I get it. You may be scared. Everyone here sees the new guy and thinks I'm out to take your job. Truth is – I'm here to work. This suit – it's my older brothers. This briefcase – I got it at a swap meet in Dayton. This haircut – $5. And it's called The Hanson Mmm-Bop. I just read in that magazine over there that confidence is the key to any professional setting –
JIM then points to MICHAEL without taking his eyes off the office staff.
JIM (CON'T)
So, with confidence, I can safely answer your question Mr. Trebek – WHO IS JIM HALPERT. So now, I'll take City of Scranton Nicknames for $100, please.
MICHAEL slowly appears from behind the copier with a huge grin. JIM grins then winks at MICHAEL. The room's tension is cut. Behind JIM, DAVID WALLACE smiles approvingly and steps back into the office. DWIGHT, who has been silent up to now and observing JIM see DAVID WALLACE disappear and then begins to slowly clap. JIM looks across the office at DWIGHT.
DWIGHT
The Ole' Coal Hole.
Jim blinks. He puts his hands into his pants pockets. He shrugs his shoulders.
JIM
What?
DWIGHT snickers.
DWIGHT
Tsk-tsk. Charming. Tall. Physically fit. Doesn't know the nickname of the town he lives in. This begs the question . . . you consider yourself an . . . ALPHA don't you?
JIM shrugs and smiles and goes to respond. DWIGHT pounces out of his chair and cuts him off.
DWIGHT
Quiet you! Every office has ONE Alpha. I am that Alpha! You are a Beta! You will answer to me and me alone. Got that Beta-boy?
DWIGHT's out of the blue spat has caught JIM off guard. JIM handles it with class.
JIM
Looks like somebody missed their lunch, maybe it's time to eat some ALPhA-BETA soup?
The office groans and laughs at JIM's pun. This enrages DWIGHT further. He stares menacingly at JIM and shouts.
DWIGHT
Don't cross me tall man! Just because these other BETA's laugh at your joke doesn't make you an ALPHA! Don't let it go to your head!
TED
What.
TED has rolled out from under the closets desk to JIM – he is covered in dust. JIM looks down at TED. TED looks at JIM.
TED
Listen. I dropped a cheerio behind my desk and it's bothering me. What do you want, Hanson?
JIM looks to TED and then to TOBY and then to DWIGHT. JIM claps his hands together and motions to the conference room.
JIM
Shall we?
The men enter the conference room and shut the door. TED is left lying on the ground.
TED
OK. Someone help. I think I've either found a really good cheerio or a really old fruit loop.
No one answers and the whole office goes back to work except DWIGHT. DWIGHT slowly sits down at his desk. PHYLLIS looks to DWIGHT with a satisfied smile.
PHYLLIS
Looks like the new guy really go ya there, DWIGHT?
DWIGHT slowly picks up his phone. He punches in a number and waits a moment. Finally, he speaks.
DWIGHT
MOSE. Yes. It's me. DWIGHT. Yes. DWIGHT. MOSE. Listen. Go to the garden shed and inflate my Sock'em Boppers. I'm going to need to expel some energy tonight.
DWIGHT holds onto the receiver for a moment and then speaks again – but quieter.
DWIGHT (con't)
And get the horse roast from the root celler. I'm going to need all the carbs and protein I can get to battle another ALPHA.
DWIGHT hangs up the phone slowly. As DWIGHT does so, MICHAEL has walked over to the conference room door. MICHAEL turns to the office, spreads his arms and smiles. He motions with both hands to the conference room door in pure joy. Clearly, JIM had made a positive impact on MICHAEL. MICHAEL is speechless and completely smitten by his interaction with JIM. TED ruins the moment as he yells from under the desk in front of MICHAEL.
TED
Shoot. Nevermind! It was a Caramel Lifesaver!
END SCENE
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM.
ED TRUCK AND DAVID WALLACE ARE SEATED ON ONE SIDE OF THE TABLE. TOBY HAS HIS COMPUTER SET UP ON THE OTHER. CORDS ARE EVERYWHERE AND HE IS BARELY VISIABLE FROM BEHIND THE LARGE MONITOR. BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX ARE SEATED AT THE FAR END – FILMING. JIM IS SEATED AWAITING HIS INTERVIEW. JIM IS VISIABLY RELAXED AND COMPOSED.
THE FOLLOWING IS SEEN THROUGH THE CAMERA LENS.
JIM
Thanks for taking the time to meet with me today. I'm looking forward to chatting with you further about this position.
JIM looks down to the camera. He looks to DAVID WALLACE.
JIM
What's with the … the film … crew? Pretty high tech in here. Got the Windows Computer. Couple of cameras. It's like the whole future right here.
DAVID WALLACE
Yes. Here at DUNDER MIFFLIN we've made great strides to accrue technology to better help our employees work. This Windows Computer has been an amazing investment. As for the cameras, don't mind them. We are in the middle of filming an employee training video. We figured we could double-down and film your interview. That's if . . . you don't mind. We'd be happy to not if –
JIM cuts DAVID WALLACE off.
JIM
Not a problem. Happy to be a part of it. It's only temporary right? Haha. I don't really think of myself as a "camera friendly" person but hey . . . I'll try my best!
ED TRUCK has JIM's resume in his hands. He's been reading it this whole time. TOBY has been quiet behind the monitor the whole time. There are odd spurts of him click clacking on the keyboard.
ED TRUCK
Before we get started, JIM. I want to let you know that I don't respect Yes, No or Maybe as an answer. We strictly deal in percentages around here. It gives a better answer. You understand?
JIM looks to DAVID WALLACE then to ED TRUCK.
jIm
Yes. I follow.
ED TRUCK leans back in his chair.
ED TRUCK
What I heard there was "I follow". But to WHAT length. 70%? 80%? … you see what I mean about percentages? If you said 100%, I would have known right away that you understood. It optimizes things. So, let's try it again.
ED TRUCK leans forward. He repeats what he had said earlier, but slower and more deliberate.
ED TRUCK
We strictly deal in percentages around here. It gives a better answer. You understand?
JIM
110%.
ED TRUCK nods with satisfaction.
ED TRUCK
Ok good, JIM. How did you hear about this role?
JIM
Ya. Ok. Let's jump right into it. The answer is really in the question I must say. My neighbor heard something about it at his softball league. He's an ex-mechanic who knows … CAM? From the warehouse here?
ED TRUCK sets down the resume and looks directly at JIM.
ED TRUCK
CAM is a warehouse worker yes. That's all he is and all he ever will ever be. Without us in Sales – there are no warehouse workers. I'm 1000% sure of that. You follow, JIM?
DAVID WALLACE leans forward and smiles.
DAVID WALLACE
Okay. Good. Now. Maybe lets jump back a bit. How about you tell us about yourself, JIM. Why don't we start there.
DAVID WALLACE looks down to the camera and nods. He then glares at ED TRUCK.
JIM
Well ok. So as you know I'm, JIM HALPERT. I currently reside here in SCRANTON – WEST IS BEST. Go Invaders. Haha. Uh. Love basketball. I've been getting into this whole cycling thing – don't know if it'll ever catch on but it's pretty fun. Uh. I'm a hard-worker. I enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done and I like to have fun. I think I could bring a nice, friendly and polite –
ED TRUCK waves his hands to stop JIM. JIM looks at ED TRUCK confused.
JIM
Is there something the matter?
ED TRUCK
As a matter of fact there is. I refuse to have any of my Sales Team use the "P" word when addressing themselves.
TOBY looks to ED TRUCK.
TOBY
Uh. ED TRUCK. We've discussed this. This is kind of inappropriate . . .
ED TRUCK waves his hands in TOBY's direction.
ED TRUCK
"Polite" is such a word that can mean many things to many people and I stand by my believe that Sales Reps shouldn't be referred to using that title. If anything, the only "P" word my Sales Team should be is either: pushy, persistent, and powerhouses. Politeness takes the back seat in sales, JIM. Don't be a door-mat, be the door-knob. The customer uses you as the doorknob to open their sales journey. You follow?
JIM is caught off guard but nods. TOBY looks to the PBS Film Crew.
TOBY
Trust me. We reviewed this in our Monthly H.R Meeting last week.
TOBY turns back to the computer and click-clacks away on his keyboard. ED TRUCK seems annoyed but continues.
ED TRUCK
Sure. Whatever you say TOBY. But to move forward JIM, FUN is a part of paper sales. We have fun here. Fun is what we do. Sure. Sometimes we have too much fun and certain individuals take it too far with their jokes. You won't ever let jokes interfere with your work, will you?
JIM looks at the camera. The camera zooms in on his face. (insert classic JIM FACE)
JIM
Nope.
ED TRUCK clears his throat. JIM answers again.
JIM
99%.
ED TRUCK nods. TOBY speaks up.
TOBY
Tell us about why you'd be a good fit for this roll.
JIM
I'm sorry, TOBY. What was that?
TOBY leans to the side of the monitor. JIM leans the other way. They then each lean the opposite way again. They share a laugh. Finally, they both lean to the correct side and begin.
TOBY
Why are you a good fit for the roll.
JIM
Yeah. Great question, T. Sales is sales is sales. Once I study the playbook – I'll know inside and out what client's needs are – paper-wise. I can study them and build a strong attack plan to navigate the nuances of sales.
ED TRUCK looks to the camera and then to JIM.
ED TRUCK
JIM. May I be blunt.
JIM awkwardly laughs and then nods.
ED TRUCK
I just need to stress this. The warehouse people don't get it. They parade around here all high and mighty –
DAVID WALLACE waves his hands in front of ED TRUCK and interrupts him.
DAVID WALLACE
No! This is not the time nor the place, ED TRUCK. Sorry, JIM. Uh, can you describe in detail your past work experience.
JIM puts his finger to his chin as if to look like he is thinking.
JIM
I've learned more outside of the workplace than I ever have within one. I never let schooling or work ever interfere with my education. I would say that Life has taught me a lot. I use every moment as a teachable moment.
DAVID WALLACE smiles and reluctantly nods.
ED TRUCK
Describe a time when you've had to deal with a subordinate – like say – A warehouse worker – and needed to describe a task to them and how did you go about doing that? Knowing full well that they may have a disability. . . Mentally. And physically.
JIM
Starting to think you don't like the warehouse people.
JIM laughs. No one else does. CHRIS coughs.
JIM
Yeah. So, at my previous position. I was building into a leadership role before a restructuring happened. I would often need to provide data to my fellow employees and direct them based off that. Data driven sales. Time sensitive and prudent.
ED TRUCK
What did prunes have to do with your job. I didn't see prunes on your resume.
TOBY
I think he said "prudent" ED TRUCK. Not prune.
ED TRUCK
What the heckin' frick does prudent mean.
TOBY click clacks away and then reads his computer screen.
TOBY
Adjective. Acting with or showing care and thought for the future.
"no prudent money manager would authorize a loan without first knowing its purpose".
The camera zooms in on ED TRUCKS face. It is a look of bewilderment.
ED TRUCK
Yeah of course. That was a test. Anyway. Last question I have here. What sales tactic is better? Halting or Stalling?
JIM smiles and lets out a laugh.
JIM
Aren't they the same thing?
ED TRUCK doesn't flinch and looks to JIM.
JIM
Ok. Umm. I would say that halting would involve withholding info from the sale which would give you the upperhand . . . and stalling would be more of an elitist way to persuade someone to purchase more by creating unease and driving their anxiousness towards the sale.
A smile slowly creeps across ED TRUCK'S face.
ED TRUCK
I made both those up but the way you described them sold me. 100%. I like it. He's good.
ED TRUCK leans to DAVID WALLACE and points at JIM again.
ED TRUCK
He's good.
JIM continues.
JIM
Thanks. I must say I am more of a Cloak and Dagger salesmen myself.
ED TRUCK snaps his head quickly. JIM has caught his attention.
ED TRUCK
Go on.
JIM
Cloak and Dagger is more of a theme. The theme of the sale. I like having themes.
ED TRUCK nods in agreement.
ED TRUCK
Themes. Yes. I like themes.
JIM smiles and then chuckles.
JIM
I made that up too.
ED TRUCK sucks his teeth. He looks at JIM.
ed truck
You've sold me twice, JIM.
TOBY allows ED TRUCK to finish then jumps right in.
TOBY
What makes you want to be a part of DUNDER MIFFLIN.
JIM stands up and walks to the window facing the office. He points to the office.
JIM
That. The "it" factor. DUNDER MIFLLIN has IT. I can sense it. This place practically drips in IT. The history. The future. All meeting in one place. Out there. I want to be challenged. I want to have goals. I want to be successful.
TOBY aggressively types away on the computer. JIM walks back to his chair and sits down smiling.
ED TRUCK
You have all the answers of a great salesmen. The great salesmen that dawned these walls before you would be very happy.
ED TRUCK turns to DAVID WALLACE and TOBY.
ED TRUCK
Guys – I think we have our man.
DAVID WALLACE
Uh, we have a few other interviews left ED TRUCK. You know corporate likes to follow Maritime Law in these situations.
ED TRUCK slowly turns to DAVID WALLACE. He is clearly confused again. DAVID WALLACE identifies this and raises his eyebrows.
DAVID WALLACE
Maritime Law, as in we all must unanimously approve if JIM joins? Much like on the high seas – all the crew need to approve if a drifter is allowed on the boat.
ED TRUCK nods. He clearly doesn't get the reference. DAVID WALLACE continues.
DAVID WALLACE
JIM, we really appreciate your time – we do have plenty of interviews to get to so unless you have any questions . . .
JIM
When do I start?
Everyone shares a laugh. TOBY especially. He leans to the side of the computer and slyly says to JIM.
TOBY
I'll call you.
The room stops. The camera zooms in on JIM's face. It's a look between creeped out and confusion. It pans to TOBY's face. He looks at the camera and then ducks behind the computer.
DAVID WALLACE
Well. That about does it.
Just then – MICHAEL busts through the door. The camera zooms in on him. He is sweating profusely. His underarms and his neckline have clear sweat stains. ED TRUCK bolts up.
ED TRUCK
What's the matter, MICHAEL? Is everything ok? What's wrong?
MICHAEL catches his breath and takes a deep gulp.
MICHAEL
They've called back.
ED TRUCK takes off his suit jacket and rolls up his sleeves. He points to the camera. Then points to JIM.
ED TRUCK
About damn time. Cmon. Come see how the pro's do it.
MICHAEL runs back into the office. ED TRUCK jogs after him. DAVID WALLACE loosens his tie and smiles.
JIM
Uh. Who called?
DAVID WALLACE
CHRIS – you better get that camera. It's showtime.
END SCENE
INT. MICHAEL AND DWIGHT'S DESK AREA
MICHAEL IS STANDING OVER HIS PHONE ON HIS DESK; SWEATING PROFUSELY. DWIGHT SEEMS UN-WAVERED AND HIS WORKING AWAY. EVERYONE ELSE HAS GATHERED AROUND MICHAEL'S PHONE. IT HAS ONE LINE BLINKING TO SIGNAL IT IS ON HOLD. THE WHOLE OFFICE LOOKS NERVOUS. ED TRUCK DRAWS A DEEP BREATH AND SPEAKS TO THE WHOLE STAFF.
ED TRUCK
People. This could be our ticket out of this dump.
PHYLLIS
I kind of like it here.
ANGELA
No. You don't. No one does. ED TRUCK – we need this. Please.
OSCAR
ED – don't stress. You got this.
TED
Got what.
STANLEY leaps over his desk and grabs TED by the tie.
STANLEY
If you as say another peep I will end your life. Shut up. Go into the kitchen. Clean the damn fridge. Get out of here. Your negative energy is ruining ED TRUCK's mojo! We can't have bad ju-ju on a call as important as this!
TED straightens his tie and walks to the kitchen. He passes DAVID WALLACE, JIM, TOBY, BOBBY, CHRIS and REX on the way by. They didn't see the exchange between the two.
JIM
What's going on here?
TED keeps walking without acknowledging him.
JIM
What's wrong with the floor guy? Ok. Good talk.
DAVID WALLACE stops and turn to JIM. He adjusts his glasses, rubs his forehead, and puts his hand in his pants pocket.
DAVID WALLACE
JIM. ED TRUCK, MICHAEL and I have been hounding a client for a while. Part of sales is the hustle. What you're about to witness could be a ground-breaking deal. We've all hustled for months on this project –
MICHAEL
Project Mr. Manhattan. To be exact.
DAVID WALLACE turns to MICHAEL quick and then back to JIM.
DAVID WALLACE
Working title, MICHAEL. But yes. This project has been at the forefront of our Fiscal Year Growth Plans.
JIM
Sounds important. But, wouldn't you want this deal done in – private maybe?
DAVID WALLACE
This is too time sensitive. We've received only 2 phone calls back from them. Ever. Besides –
DAVID WALLACE steps forward and stands beside ED TRUCK – who is staring at the phone. He speaks louder while he puts both hands on ED TRUCK's shoulders. He begins rocking ED TRUCK back and forth.
DAVID WALLACE
-this.. . this is a Family win! TEAM!
Up until this point BOBBY, CHRIS and REX had been quiet. BOBBY turns to REX.
BOBBY
Should we video tape this er?
REX
Does it matter.
ED TRUCK overhears the exchange and pokes REX in the chest with his index finger.
ED TRUCK
You're damn right it matters. Buckle in. You're about to watch this sales dragon come alive. Welcome to the thunder dome.
On que, CHRIS opens the camera and begins filming. ED TRUCK steps towards the phone and clicks the line to open it. It's on speaker.
THE FOLLOWING IS SEEN THROUGH THE CAMERA LENS.
ED TRUCK
Good Afternoon. This is ED TRUCK. Sales Manager here at DUNDER MIFFLIN PAPER CO. SCRANTON.
There's a pause and then a voice comes through the phone.
PHONE VOICE
MR. TRUCK. This is RICARDO REVALDI from SKYMALL America. How the heck are ya partner?
PHYLLIS gasps. Oscar grabs her hand and hold it. MEREDITH fans her face. JIM looks to DAVID WALLACE in astonishment – DAVID WALLACE nods in approval. He mouths "SKYMALL.". He then sits down on the desk, folds his arms and speaks to the phone.
DAVID WALLACE
Uh. Hi MR. REVALDI. This is DAVID WALLACE. I am Reginal Director, Sales. It's a pleasure to talk to you today. We've exchanged a few voicemails recently. Thanks for calling in.
MICHAEL, feeling left out, assumes the same position as DAVID WALLACE.
PHONE VOICE
Oh, MR. WALL-
MICHAEL
This MICHAEL J SCOTT. I sale. DUNDER. PAPER.
The phone line goes quiet.
PHONE VOICE
What. Was that on your end or on ours? What was that?
DAVID WALLACE scrambles and quickly responds.
DAVID WALLACE
That was MICHAEL SCOTT. Our Lead salesmen on this.
PHONE VOICE
Oh! Yes! MICHAEL. Yes. We've already talked – that's why we are here chit chattin'. ED, DAVID ... I hear you have the deal for us. We're on lunch here and only have about 10 minutes.
MICHAEL looks at DAVID WALLACE and then to ED TRUCK. They all smile. TED pokes his head out of the kitchen having incorrectly heard his name - and before he can say anything STANLEY drop kicks the door closed. To this point, DWIGHT hasn't even paid any attention to what is happening around him.
ED TRUCK
SKYMALL needs a Northeast Paper supplier. We understand that you have a need and we at DUNDER MIFFLIN has the facilities. The man-power. The technology to facilitate all orders accordingly. A partnership makes total sense. Synergy.
There is a pause. Everyone looks around nervously.
PHONE VOICE
Synergy. I like that. You've got my attention. Go on.
DAVID WALLACE scooches in closer.
DAVID WALLACE
With 2000 sq ft of warehouse space spread over 3 properties in the NorthEast – DUNDER MIFFLIN would not only build current orders but also facilitate future inventory. A Hub and Spoke model so to speak. We have recently acquired a fleet of Windows 98 computers to rapidly propel us into the 2000's. Our vision of cohesion with SKYMALL would be to supply all Northeast airlines with the product printed via our locations. Coupled with that, we would own the home delivery and the Direct to Consumer market on the Eastern Seaboard as well. We're talking a one stop shop. Simple. Easy. Efficient. I believe that "efficiency" was a pillar of the Q1 Report you released a few weeks ago.
Again - there is a long pause.
PHONE VOICE
Heck. I am sure buttered up. Y'all have done your research. I get a good sense from you 3.
ED TRUCK fist pumps. DAVID WALLACE motions for him to calm down.
DAVID WALLACE
We'd be happy to set up a meeting and come work out the contract. We can close this by the end of next week.
There is no answer. ED TRUCK looks nervously to DAVID WALLACE. JIM looks around the room. Everyone is locked into this call.
PHONE VOICE
Hmmm.. Well. MIKE. What do you have to say? You're the one who got through to me – I must say partner . . . the fruit basket was a damn classy touch. Only an ice sculpture and a chocolate fountain would have topped all that. From one salesman to another you boy, you do hustle.
All eyes turn to MICHAEL. He grits his teeth. MICHAEL goes to speak but nothing comes out.
PHONE VOICE
Uhh. MIKE? You there? Hello? DUNDER?
Everyone looks at MICHAEL confused and somewhat shocked that he has buckled under the pressure. ED TRUCK senses the tension and speaks up.
ED TRUCK
I think I speak for MICHAEL and everyone here at DUNDER MIFFLIN when I say -
PHONE VOICE
OH! Sorry DUNDER. The SUBWAY subs have just shown up. We'll have to continue this at another time. Email my assistant to set it up, MICHAEL.
MICHAEL suddenly jumps in.
MICHAEL
Okay! Hey RICK, it's MIKE.
PHONE VOICE
MIKE! There he is! Gotta run though fella . . .
MICHAEL
I know, I know! I was pooping. Sorry. I'm back. I hope enjoy your lunch. But one thing. . .
PHONE VOICE
Hey! Sorry MIKE! I'm also away next week. I am away on holidays for a few days. Then, we can link up after – and discuss budgets and that also gives me time to review the other offers from other companies. But hey. Got to run though … this meatball sub's calling my name! Thanks y'all. Remember. Shop SKYMALL.
The phone line goes dead. The office goes silent. No one in the office moves. MICHAEL looks around. He walks to ED TRUCK who is staring blankly ahead in bewilderment. MICHAEL draws in a deep breath.
MICHAEL
I think that went well.
ED TRUCK
On what planet do you think that went well? I don't know how we come back from that? We didn't get a commitment; we didn't get a follow up meeting – all we got was a crummy "thanks and we'll review". Please MICHAEL – enlighten me how that went well. We've been chasing this whale like Ahab!
CREED
Did you know, dolphins are also whales. And the equivalent to a land whale . . . is a water hippo.
The office members look at CREED speechless. JIM looks to CREED – amazed.
JIM
Wow. That's a new one.
CREED
You're welcome.
DAVID WALLACE gets up and places his hand on his hip. He shakes his head and points to MICHAEL.
DAVID WALLACE
Land whales. Hippos. Sea horses. It doesn't matter. MICHAEL. You are the lead salesmen here. I need this to be closed. The suits at HQ won't like to hear how this is going! MICHAEL! We built Q2, Q3, and Q4 budgets off this sale and NOW – we still haven't closed it! FIX. THIS.
The entire office seems downtrodden. MICHAEL sinks in his chair. JIM looks around the room and moves to MICHAEL's desk.
JIM
You kept notes on all the calls you had with RICARDO yes?
MICHAEL nods.
JIM
Dig em out. What's his assistant's name?
MICHAEL slumps to his desk and pulls out a file. He flips to a page and lays it down on the desk.
MICHAEL
It's KELSI. Extension 442.
JIM grabs the paper and rolls up his sleeves (the first look at the classic JIM look)
JIM
Dial the number for SKYMALL.
MICHAEL looks at JIM then to DAVID WALLACE and ED TRUCK. JIM sees the look.
JIM
Trust me.
MICHAEL scoots in his chair to phone and dials the number. He picks up the receiver and hands it to JIM. After a few moments, JIM puts the receiver to his chest.
JIM
It's ringing.
JIM puts the phone back to his ear.
JIM
Well hello. This is –
JIM pauses. He turns and looks to DWIGHT.
JIM
-DWAYNE ROOT ... From Youngstown-Warren Regional Airport. I have a few questions for RICARDO REVALDI. He told me fill out form 85-B-JC Compliance Report for Sales Reporting to the USDA, but he only sent us 52-A-JJ. Can you patch me through to him please?
JIM looks to MICHAEL and winks. DWIGHT seems angry and goes to complain to DAVID WALLACE. DAVID WALLACE waves him off. DWIGHT stands down. DAVID WALLACE then perks up and ED TRUCK does as well.
JIM
Ahh. Ok. Ok. KELSI is his assistant. Could you patch me through to her. I think it's extension 442. She was a great help last time we spoke.
JIM waits again.
JIM
OK thanks. I'll hold.
The office members all sense what JIM is doing and they all inch closer to him. DWIGHT's face is going redder and redder with rage.
JIM
Hey KELSI! Good to hear your voice. Umm, this is DWAYNE ROOT From Youngstown-Warren Regional Airport. How are you today?
JIM waits as KELSI replies. JIM smiles and nods.
JIM
Haha, typical RICK. We go way back. Doesn't surprise me he doesn't talk much about me… the man tends to hold it all close to his vest! Classic Rick! Him, MICHAEL SCOTT and I from DUNDER MIFFLIN go way back. Big college buddies.
JIM laughs and let's KELSI speak. He nods, smiles, and waits. Finally, he responds.
JIM
Yes. All three of us are the class of '88 from there. Wacky world brought us back together.
JIM laughs again. KELSI can be heard speaking on the other line.
JIM
That's RICK! Anyhoo! He asked me to submit form 52-B-JJ but he didn't tell me I needed to submit darn 52-A-JJ! So! In all compliance metrics in mind, I don't want to upset RICK while he's – away. Did he say where he was going? He mentioned somewhere – "fun". . . but didn't specify.
JIM nods. He looks directly at DAVID WALLACE, then to ED TRUCK.
JIM
Kels. 52-A-JJ was only sent and he had strict instructions to submit 52-B-JJ. I don't want to disappoint ol' RICK. BUT! I had no idea he was going away on holidays to –
JIM glares at MICHAEL and starts nodding his head as if to get MICHAEL to pay attention, which works. MICHAEL looks directly at JIM intently.
JIM
AHHH where was it? Oh yes…. – SARATOGA SPRINGS – for a fishing trip for the next two weeks! Heck I'm stayin' down there too – where is he stayin'?
JIM motions to MICHAEL again – MICHAEL perks up and grabs a pen and paper. He begins to write as JIM speaks.
JIM
OHH! RITZ CARLTON, SARASOTA FLORDIA. He's on a fishing trip there for holidays starting next Monday – ahhhh – I knew it! Anyway ! Kels. Been a swell chat! Ok buh-bye! I'll get those forms submitted ASAP.
JIM hangs up the phone. He looks to MICHAEL who is smiling ear to ear. He then looks to DAVID WALLACE who is beaming. ED TRUCK is beginning to clap. The office breaks out in cheers.
DAVID WALLACE
Brilliant. Simple brilliant. Sales tactic 1-0-1. Always have a backup plan. That was marvelous. I won't have any trouble expensing that trip for you two! Well done! I think you've all but solidified your role here at DUNDER MIFFLIN!
JIM's look of certainty fades to uncertainty. He looks to DAVID WALLACE.
JIM
Us two?
MICHAEL strides over to JIM, he hugs him and plants a big kiss on his cheek.
MICHAEL
Yes. Us two. Forever. Johnny and June.
END SCENE
OUTRO
int. office. ED TRUCK'S OFFICE
THE WHOLE OFFICE IS COLLECTIVLEY STILL CELEBRATING THE MOMENTUM THEY GATHERED OFF THE PENDING SKYMALL SALE. DWIGHT IS STILL SHOOK THAT HE IS OUSTED FROM THE SALE AND HAS BEEN SHOWN UP BY JIM HALPERT. DWIGHT ENTERS ED TRUCKS OFFICE. ED TRUCK IS CAUGHT OFF GUARD.
DWIGHT
ED TRUCK. What we witnessed today from JIM was exquisite.
ED TRUCK
Wasn't it?! It makes my sales loins tingle. I love it. I love a good loin tingle.
DWIGHT
Right. However, I've been doing some research. I've made some connections with a company in Japan that is seeking exclusive USA representation to print all their trading cards. Tsunekazu Ishihara is his name. I think we can utilize this connection and benefit.
DWIGHT reaches across the desk and hands ED TRUCK a dossier. ED TRUCK slowly takes the dossier from DWIGHT. He opens it and its contents drop to the floor. Images of Pokemon cards scatter on the floor.
ED TRUCK
Uh. What is this? –
ED TRUCK reaches under his desk and produces a handful of trading cards.
ED TRUCK
I'm not interested in trading card companies, DWIGHT. These little – things – are fads. They will not be here tomorrow. SKYMALL was our ticket out of here. Did you witness the theatrics JIM put on today? Maybe you have a thing or two to learn about sales from him. HMMM?
ED TRUCK stares at DWIGHT; who stares back. DWIGHT meekly replies.
DWIGHT
Yeah, but – TV GUIDES and POKEMON cards are sure things. ED TRUCK, you gotta know this . . . paper companies love trading cards – it's literally a license to print money.
ED TRUCK interrupts DWIGHT
ED TRUCK
Paper companies LOVE. MONEY. There is no money in trading cards and TV Guides. Believe you me. I went through the whole POG craze of the early 80's. A whole bunch of us lost a lot of money – it was dark. If it wasn't for my shares in ENRON, I would have never made it!
DWIGHT slouches and accepts defeat. He looks back into the office and sees the workers all huddled around JIM HALPERT still congratulating him and paying him respects. DWIGHT begins to feel the beginning hatred for JIM HALPERT boiling up within his soul. ED TRUCK sees DWIGHT's defeat and gets out of his chair to console him.
ed truck
Listen DWIGHT, you can't get em all.
DWIGHT slowly turns to ED TRUCK. He steps away from ED TRUCK's grasps and puts one hand on the window looking out to the office.
DWIGHT
One day . . . I'll catch 'em all.
END OF EPISODE
This content is non-commercial fan fiction. It was written out of admiration of the original writings. I only intended to present MY OWN view of what COULD have taken place before the original works. Any characters, settings or other details from the original works that have made their way into my stories are owned and belong to NBC Universal and any other relevant copyright holders. I do not own any other Trademarked Materials which includes any mentioned items/people/places/things/etc held in Copyright. This work is available for enjoyment of fellow enthusiast that wish to be taken into a fictitious prologue of the beloved storyline. It is not to be distributed in any manner for the purpose of monetary gain.
