I'm awful with updates, guys. SO many things coming up it's rare that I get any time to write. But as soon as school is over hopefully the chapters will be coming faster. Also, I started writing my other story…and I REALLY want to post it but…it won't make sense just yet. Stay tuned though! And as always, I love all of my readers. :-*
And I noticed only some readers came back :'(Hope they see the new chapters!
"He either is or he ain't! The hell you mean 'not sure'?" I heard Daryl raising his voice.
Oh boy.
I jumped out of the sleeping bag quickly to pull on my pair of worn jeans and tried to get out as fast as possible.
By the time I was lacing my boots up, I could hear Rick's voice, explaining the reasoning behind leaving Merle behind after briefly introducing himself, which I'm sure most of the group agreed with (as inhumane as I thought it was, I was starting to believe it was the right thing as well). This really did not go well with Daryl.
I couldn't hear the beginning of Daryl's response, but I did hear the anger bubbling up in his tone, "So you handcuffed my brother to a roof and you left him there?"
I was out of the tent to hear Rick's small response, followed by a silence. Not good, definitely not good at all.
By the time I reached where everyone was, I saw Daryl being shoved to the ground by Shane, only for him to reach for his knife and to try to lunge at Rick. He was wrestled to the ground by both Shane and Rick, and then placed into a chokehold while Rick took the knife from him.
I was speechless. I didn't know whether to get angry or what, I didn't know how to react. I really was feeling sympathetic towards Daryl, I know I'd be lying to myself if I said I'd understand Rick's reasoning for leaving my brother behind, no matter how much of an asshole my brother were acting in this sort of scenario. Then again, I can safely say this would never happen with my brother.
"You best let me go!" He shouted, and Shane tightened his grip around his neck, with Daryl's panting growing heavier and heavier.
Rick leaned close and spoke smoothly but sternly, "I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic, can you manage that?" He was ignored, so he repeated his question again before nodding to Shane to loosen his grip on Daryl, throwing him to the ground. I didn't necessarily have a say in this, but man they could've been a tad bit gentler with him, it's not like he was overreacting or anything. At least, I didn't think so.
Rick was beginning to explain why he left Merle behind, emphasizing the part about "Merle not playing well with others" when T-Dog cut in, taking the blame, "It's not Rick's fault, it's mine. I had the key and I dropped it."
My eyes fell to the floor, I was kinda hoping to get a word in to try to make the situation a little less tense, but now with that thrown out there I'm pretty clueless at this point considering the racist background Merle has, but I'm crossing my fingers Daryl doesn't share the same ideas.
"And you didn't pick it up?" Daryl asked venomously.
"I dropped it down the drain." T-Dog replied as his shoulder fell, if that didn't show the pain and guilt he's been feeling since we got back then I don't know what would.
Daryl sighed and rubbed his forehead, not answering and pushing himself up off of the ground. I could feel both Shane and Rick tense up and prepare themselves in case Daryl were to lunge at T-Dog. "If that's supposed to make me feel better, it don't." He spat, walking past T-Dog. He froze in his footsteps, however, when T-Dog continued speaking.
He told Daryl the somewhat good news: T-Dog chained the door to the roof where Merle was handcuffed.
I could feel Daryl's pain when his face twisted but he tried to hide his emotions by wiping his face with the back of his palm, "The hell with all y'all!" He spoke again in a defeated and hushed tone, "Just tell me where he is so I can go find him," his voice cracked and I fiddled with my hands hoping he wouldn't do something irrational.
"He'll show you," Lori spoke up, eyeing her brother, "Ain't that right?"
I cut in, "Daryl, I didn't like it either." I could already sense Rick's disapproval at what I was about to say, but that didn't stop me from extending the offer to Daryl. I knew how much he's done for the group, and shit he has every right to react the way he reacted. "I'm willing to go back with you to Atlanta."
Rick assured him that he was going back, and Daryl stormed off, hopefully to get his things together or get some time to think, anything would be better than him leaving on his own. At least he didn't act like his brother and call me a stupid bitch for my offer, I suppose the lack of response was a good thing, but definitely unexpected.
All the attention was focused on Rick now, with Shane asking him why he even considers going back for "a douchebag like Merle" and I used that as my opportunity to sneak away before Rick could get the chance to talk to me. I already knew I wasn't going to hear the end of it. Hopefully Shane will be enough to distract him a little.
I overheard Lori express concern at the pair leaving, as well as Glenn's hesitation in volunteering and T-Dog joining almost immediately. I was a bit…worried that Rick hadn't talked to me yet about what I'd offered Daryl. I'm not too much of a patient girl at times, but I decided play dumb about who was going and hopefully try to make my way to assuring him that I will, in fact, be joining them whether they liked it or not. I don't imagine it going to smoothly though.
I saw him going back to our tent to get his uniform on, and I figured that'd be the best to bring it up. I really had to be careful with my words though.
"Rick," I began, waiting for a response. I had the sneaking suspicion he knew what I was going to do.
"Yes?"
"Who's going with you to Atlanta?" I asked with the best innocent tone I could use.
"Daryl, Glenn, and T-Dog."
"Hm." I nodded, "You did hear what I offered him, right?"
He turned to face me, "Of course I did, Isabelle."
I bit the inside of my cheek, not wanting to argue but I started to anyways, "So, guess this means you're not taking me." I slowly felt the redness creeping up on my cheeks, hoping I'd be able to control my tongue, "I can handle myself Rick, and besides my bag was left there too! And my gun!" My shoulders sunk, "I named it and everything…" I mumbled to myself, and I could feel him give a small smile come on as quickly as it disappeared. Guess he wasn't in the mood to argue then.
I did appreciate the fact that he was listening at least, I'm usually incredibly stubborn in these types of situations and will go on and on forever about my point. But in this situation could you blame me? No way in fucking hell am I staying here staring at clouds.
"Isabelle, you think I want you back out there again? We both saw how," he shifted uncomfortably a bit and his voice lowered, "how Merle…treated you."
Oh shit. This has always confused me about men, they always take the blame or feel responsible for shit that are completely out of their control. Well, 'always' is a bad word to use since I hate when people generalize. Fuck it, I'm a hypocrite anyways.
"Please, Rick, don't think that it was your fault. It wasn't, don't take responsibility for what happens to me."
"It could've been prevented though, Isabelle." He replied, bluntly. He wasn't even upset with me, he was upset with himself.
I crossed my arms, "Really? How, Rick? How?" I asked, annoyed. Before he could answer I continued, "Exactly, Rick. You didn't know what would happen, it's not your fault. It can't be your fault."
"I can prevent it this time around though." He insisted.
"You know Merle dislikes T-Dog a lot, and he gets to go." I argued.
"You know that's different."
"I can handle myself, Rick."
"I know that."
"Then why won't you let me go?" Was this just going to go back and forth? I really just wanted to get to the point fast before he tried to avoid answering it more than he already was.
"Isabelle, I don't want you getting hurt. I don't know what could happen out there. The city could be completely overrun with walkers, Merle could somehow have a gun, I don't know. I'd feel better knowing you were here, safe from any dangers." I opened my mouth to speak again, but he quickly added, "We just got here, why do you want to leave already?"
I rolled my eyes, "I could ask you the same thing, Rick! Merle isn't your responsibility, you don't have to go back, you choose to – just like how I'm choosing to go as well. And to address your other points, you think it's fair for me to sit here and twiddle my thumbs knowing you're out there? You say you don't know what could happen out there in the city, shit you don't know what could happen here in the camp. It could get overrun while you're gone. It could somehow fucking blow up. Neither of us knows, Rick. So that's an invalid point to make." I complained.
He sighed, "Isabelle, you know what I meant."
"No, I didn't. This isn't fair. You're saying you wanted me here because you know it's safe but what about me? How will I know you're safe? I'm allowed to care about you too and I want to help the group as much as I can, not sit here and wait for you to get back from some shithole infested with walkers!"
I can safely say I expected either a firm "no" again (I wasn't going to give up though) or a pause and him saying "Fine, you can go" but instead he pulled me into a tight embrace after a few moments of silence. Not that I minded or anything, of course.
"You're so stubborn, you know that?" He mumbled into my hair, and I smiled into his shoulder. I won this time around, and we both knew it.
"So? It helps me get what I want, and I want to go back there with you. If you're going to that shithole I might as well join." I joked, trying to ease the tension that may have been still lurking there.
As much as I didn't want to, I slipped out of his embrace and went to grab my shovel from the corner of the tent. I felt a little bad for being so bitchy about how I made my points to him and for assuming that he was just forcing me to stay here because I couldn't handle myself or something. I know it wasn't that reason, but surely most could understand my frustration. It's the exact same treatment I'd get sometimes back in training.
"Isabelle, I just wanted to make sure you knew that I didn't want you staying behind because I thought you couldn't handle yourself or anything like that." He began to clarify, freaking me out since he must've read my mind earlier. That or he noticed my fidgeting. "I want you to know that it's because, well you know that I care a lot and-"
Of all the times for someone to poke their head and interrupt an important conversation, it had to be now. It fucking had to be now.
Shane's eyes drifted back and forth between us, probably getting a kick out of interrupting us. Something about him really doesn't sit right with me.
"Daryl's been looking for ya, Rick." Shane said, eyeing me for a moment.
"We're not leaving yet, Shane." Rick replied with an irritated tone.
"We're?" he started, "Rick, don't tell me you're bringing her too. That's too many lives you're putting at risk for that asshole!"
"Shane, I decided myself to go," I assured him, "I'm not being forced or anything. This was my decision."
"Man, this ain't worth it. You two just got here and now you're heading out again." He turned to Rick, "We need you here. You saw that walker this morning, Rick, it was on the camp. We need people here to protect the camp, not out there!"
Walker? I must've slept through that.
"What walker?" I asked.
"You were asleep so you probably didn't hear it." Rick answered, and Shane finished for him, "It was at the edge of the camp. Right before you woke up, I think. Daryl killed it but who knows if it had friends. It doesn't matter though, we can't be risking this many lives for Merle."
Hearing that made me feel a bit uneasy, understandably, but I was surprised I didn't hear anything though, guess that means I got a good night's sleep. Unfortunately it'll probably be my last one for a while.
"It won't take long to get to Atlanta, Shane. We'll make it back soon enough," Rick then added, "I know that we need protection but we also need more guns."
"I don't like this, Rick. Just go talk to Daryl, he's waiting for ya."
As soon as Rick exited the tent, I was about to follow but I stopped. I figured I'd let him talk to Daryl privately and he'd come back to tell me when everyone were leaving. But since I didn't follow him, I was stuck in the tent with Shane and I sort of froze up. I'd only talked to him…last night at the campfire? Not really a conversation though, just him asking me questions about Ft. Benning. Remember when I said that I was terrible with people?
"So, Isabelle, you comfortable so far here?" He finally asked, breaking the slightly awkward silence.
"Uh, yeah." I stuttered at first, "Yeah, I am. I'm not too used to all of the people here, been used to surviving by myself and then with just one other person."
He nodded, and I wasn't sure if it was that he was taking what I said in or was just some habit of his, "How are you and Rick doing?"
I shrugged, "Good, I suppose? I don't know, I can't necessarily speak for him, Shane," I smiled, "you're gonna have to ask him how he's feeling though."
He returned the smile, "I thought it was funny how you two met – over guns and all. Glad to know that you two have been working well together."
I gave out a small chuckle, "Heh, well," I rubbed the back of my neck, "at first it wasn't necessarily 'working well together', more like him watching my ass all of the time."
"Can't blame him for that, Isabelle." He joked. Well it sounded like a joke, either that or he was flirting with me. I'm probably just overthinking this. Married men don't exactly do that.
I cleared my throat, "Uh yeah, but we work well together. And I think we're both fitting well with the group so far, so everything seems to be going pretty awesome. Though, I have to ask, what was it like before Rick and I got here?"
Shane hesitated before answering and I could tell he was trying to think of the best way to explain this, "A little different. I was sort of the default leader keeping the whole group alive. We had Merle around and he was basically some wannabe douchebag dictator, which is why I'm still not getting why you're all going back for him. Group's better off without him."
"I can only agree to an extent, Shane. You saw how it's affecting Daryl, we can't just get rid of anyone and everyone who happened to like Merle."
He gave a small cocky laugh, "Seems that Daryl's the only one."
I shook my head, "Doesn't matter. He's probably contributed to the group the most besides you or Rick, he deserves the group's respect and I really don't blame him for the way he reacted."
Shane's face twisted a bit, "You tellin' me that you agree with Daryl?"
"I didn't stutter, did I?" I harmlessly challenged, hoping he wouldn't take it to heart or anything.
He eyed me down for a brief moment before speaking up, "I can see why Rick likes you. You ain't afraid to think for yourself. That and there are…other qualities he likes about you."
Another nervous laugh from me, "Right. It was nice chatting, Shane, but I gotta get to the rest of the group right now."
"Be safe out there, Isabelle. Keep an eye on Rick too." He told me before I rushed out.
That was a bit uncomfortable.
I was heading over to where most of the group was, but noticed something off about Glenn. "Glenn," I paused to study his features, I don't think he was too happy at the moment, which I could get obviously but I also noticed that his sweet ride wasn't around, "Where is she?"
"They stripped her apart. Like vultures." He glumly replied.
I threw my arm around his shoulder and gave him a small squeeze, "I can relate a bit. Maybe we'll be able to find my ride one day and I'll let you drive." A small smile tugged at his lips, at least maybe now he won't be so sad. Glenn's sad face makes me feel like I just kicked a puppy.
I noticed Rick arguing again with Shane with the rest of the group just sitting there in listening. I saw Lori stand up and start to agree with her husband, basically restating the same reasons of Merle not being worth it and the guns not being worth it. Hell, even Carl jumped in with his little puppy eyes.
I stayed back though, since he could take care of himself. Well, that and I really didn't want to talk to the group anyways. I'm pretty sure by now most would know that I'm not exactly a people person.
It was really interesting to see how Rick was just a natural leader when interacting with the group though, keeping his cool and knowing how to reason with everyone. That's another reason I like to stay back sometimes, since I can have a short temper, I got it from my dad.
I saw Lori and Shane's faces relax a bit after Rick explained the situation better to him, well I don't know exactly what he said, maybe he threatened them or something for all I know. Whatever it was it definitely worked because Shane backed down and Rick left to Dale's RV.
I wonder how Shane feels with Rick around though, considering, well I assume he was the de facto leader since I don't think the group necessarily voted or anything. They probably thought anyone was better than Merle or Daryl, and trust Shane since he's a cop.
I can sort of tell that he's a bit annoyed though, being pushed aside by Rick. I know that Rick isn't doing it on purpose, but the group seems to be a lot warmer to him than (from what I've seen) how they've been with Shane. Hopefully it'll all work out in the end, I'm sure it's just something Shane isn't used to yet but he'll grow into it. Not hopefully, I know it'll all fall into place, some people need longer to adjust to change that's all.
Hmm, but now I'm worried about if he doesn't get used to it. It won't end well either, since choosing sides will get people killed. Damn it, think happy thoughts, I shouldn't have to worry about this right now.
I pinched the bridge of my nose to try to get my mind off of the inevitable power struggle between the two. Did I say 'inevitable'? That was the negative side of me talking. I mean possible, and by possible I mean very unlikely. That's better.
I'll just think about Rick instead.
No, wait, another bad idea. I just realized something really weird – we haven't even talked much about our feelings lately. God, that sounds so needy hearing it put like that. I can only remember that one time where I did admit I liked him a lot, but he just – man, I don't even know what he did. I think he said he liked the kiss or he liked me or whatever. It didn't feel enough though.
Fuck, why am I feeling so insecure lately? Am I that much of a loser that I have to hear that he cares about me and likes me? Fuck it, yes, I do need to hear it. I don't even know how I go about it though. "Hey Rick tell me you love me!" Yeah, I can't exactly imagine that going well.
It's just…I don't know. It's been mostly physical up to this point, minus sex and all, of course. That's what's different about men and women though, men show their feelings through touch and us women just say it and won't shut up about it. Okay, well it applies to me, at least.
I just don't want to force anything on him.
God damn, stop being so insecure about this, Isabelle.
Sorry for a chapter that was mostly just bitching, talking, and indecisiveness. There will be more action when the group goes back to Atlanta. Believe me!
Review time:
Brandi Grimes: thank you for the very kind words! And yes, I was having a hard time writing Lori as his sister…sometimes I accidentally put 'wife', yikes! Anyways, I hope you continue to enjoy my story!
Alex Cloninger: thank you! They look forward to your looking forward to their adventures ;p, also at this moment I am not interested in OCs, however, when I need one I'll let you know~
Leyshla Gisel: missed you
Padme4000: hmm, I'm quite interested in where I'm gonna go with it as well, but I really hope you guys will enjoy it
Velvetemr73: agreed, there are too many! Thank you for liking my character!
Ms. AnimeCartoonZombieFreak13: what a mouthful! And thank you for the sweet words!
Akuish: you are too kind~
Ventrille Bestion: y u no make account? Just kidding, and thankyou for the kind words, love!
No one: Luke is jane's boyfriend I hope you continue to read and enjoy the story and if you have any questions ask away!
guccileopard:guuuuuuuuuuuuuurl where u been. missed ya *heart*
To the rest, thank you for reading and I hope to hear more from all my faithful readers and all those shy lurkers out there! As soon as tests are over in May, I hope to get back on track with updates for my lovely fans. You're all awesome! :-*
