Brandon Road / .com

the office: from there to here

The OFFICE: FROM THERE TO HERE. An origin story.

EpiSODE 11 : The bee all and all

By

Brandon Road.

FAde In:

INTRO

OFFICE MID DAY. INT.

DAVID WALLACE, MICHAEL, BOBBY, CHRIS, AND REX ENTER THE OFFICE. THE STAFF TAKE NOTICE. THEY ARE GREETED BY PAM AT RECEPTION; WHO IS SMILING POLITELY. (PAM HAS HER DESK SET UP THE WAY WE ARE ALL USED TO – MINUS THE COMPUTER. SHE HAS REPLACED JUDY'S ASHTRAY ON THE DESK WITH A BOWL OF SKITTLES. PAM RECOGNIZES THE GROUP BUT IS LOOKING TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION.

PAM

Good Afternoon everyone. Welcome to DUNDER MIFFLIN SCRANTON. My name is PAM.

DAVID WALLACE points to PAM and then looks to MICHAEL. DAVID WALLACE wags his finger in PAM's direction.

DAVID WALLACE

Quick learner here! I like it! I like it a lot!

DAVID WALLACE goes to greet PAM but is interrupted. MICHAEL slides through the group and looks at PAM.

MICHAEL

PAM. We talked about this. DUNDER MIFFLIN Andddddd . . .

PAM looks at MICHAEL with a look of unease. She then quietly adds while looking at DAVID WALLACE.

PAM

Where People and Paper come together . . .

MICHAEL jumps in front of the group and to the tune of The Beatles – Come Together - he sings:

MICHAEL

Come together. Right now. Over Paper. Boom-boom-ba-boom.

DAVID WALLACE shakes his head as MICHAEL does air-drums.

DAVID WALLACE

No slogans, MICHAEL. We already went through this before. We cannot afford any legal trouble at the moment. Especially something as serious as copyright infringement.

MICHAEL side glances at PAM. On her desk - out of DAVID WALLACE'S vision – there is a stack of posters with STANLEY impersonating The Notorious B.I.G's album cover for "Life After Death" – It says "DUNDER MIFFLIN SCRANTON – Life With Paper" . PAM notices MICHAEL's side glance and covers them up with a folder.

MICHAEL

You got it, Pontiac.

DAVID WALLACE nods. He turns his attention back to PAM. DAVID WALLACE proceeds to play along with PAM's introduction.

DAVID WALLACE

My name is DAVID WALLACE. You must be the new secretary I've heard all about. Welcome to the Team, PAM. You likely know why myself and the PBS CREW are here . . . but first . . . I better meet with ED TRUCK. Is he in his office?

PAM nods. DAVID WALLACE smiles. He turns to BOBBY, CHRIS and REX.

DAVID WALLACE

I'll be a couple minutes with ED TRUCK explaining the . . . situation. Set up in the conference room. Let's be out of here by 4pm. Ok? Ok.

REX

But . . .

DAVID WALLACE

Ok great. Thanks guys.

DAVID WALLACE continues towards ED TRUCK'S office. He stops. He looks back to PAM and smiles. PAM smiles back.

DAVID WALLACE

I like this. I think you're going to great here.

DAVID WALLACE flashes a "thumbs up". PAM smiles. DAVID WALLACE enters ED TRUCKS office.

DAVID WALLACE enters and quickly shuts the door. As he does, a paper airplane flutters across the office. It casually strikes CHRIS in the arm. It startles the group. MICHAEL gasps. CHRIS picks the plane up from off the floor and unfolds it. Inside there is a scribbled note: "I'm watching you." CHRIS looks into the office but everyone has went back to work. CHRIS clears his throat and steps forward to address the office.

CHRIS

Hello DUNDER MIFFLIN. BOBBY, REX and myself are happy to have returned and we are looking forward to showing you the Educational Video you all so graciously starred in.

No one acknowledges CHRIS or his friendly demeanor. CHRIS claps his hands together.

CHRIS

Okay. DAVID WALLACE and ED TRUCK are running over a few things but we will be getting set up in the conference room. Thanks everyone. See you in there soon for the viewing.

CHRIS turns to BOBBY and REX and motions for them to head to the conference room. They oblige. CHRIS stays back and speaks to PAM and MICHAEL.

CHRIS (quietly)

What the heck is happening with the asbestos? Does everyone here know?

PAM

My boyfriend ROY said asbestos is like a hornet's nest . . . harmless if you leave it alone but it's harmful when agitated –

DWIGHT

What kind of hornet.

DWIGHT, who was standing in front of a nearby wall steps forward. The front of his shirt and pants are colored and textured to match the wall. His face is also painted to blend in. He is wearing a similar colored swimmers cap to conceal his hair. The group had no idea he was there as he is camouflaged. PAM, MICHAEL and CHRIS are stunned. MICHAEL starts to laugh uncontrollably as he cannot fathom how DWIGHT was unseen earlier. DWIGHT walks up to the group.

MICHAEL

WOW! You totally go me! I had no idea! This guy is GOOD! I'm going to go get my camera! I left it in my cubby with my lunch.

MICHAEL skips and makes his way to the kitchen and disappears. DWIGHT doesn't respond to MICHAEL but presses his questions again with PAM.

DWIGHT

Eastern yellowjacket? European Hornet? Bald face hornet?

PAM and CHRIS remain silent.

DWIGHT (CONCERNED AND GENUINE)

People. This could be a real danger to the well being of the office. Not to mention the local ecosystem. You could be tried in court for withholding this type of information. Do you know what an invasive species can do to farmland?

CHRIS steps forward. DWIGHT sizes him up. He laughs.

DWIGHT

I'll be surprised if you can tell me the difference between the colonization and the nesting habits of any of the World's hornets . . . Camera Man.

CHRIS

It's not hornets DWIGHT. It's . . .

CHRIS looks around and then lowers his voice.

CHRIS

It's asbestos. There's asbestos in the office. They are clearing it out today -

DWIGHT leans back in shock. He begins to step back from CHRIS. DWIGHT then turns on his heal and sprints to the office plant beside the copy machine. He tears out the plant and digs into the soil making a large mess. He produces a garbage bag. He rips it open and reveals a WORLD WAR II era gas mask. He puts it on. He then runs over to his desk and kicks the front of it. The front falls off revealing a hidden compartment. Within the compartment is a shield and a full blue body suit. DWIGHT puts the suit on. By now – the office employees have stopped working and have taken notice.

STANLEY

DWIGHT. What's the matter? You're messin' up the joint. You crazy or something? You look ridiculous man!

DWIGHT points his shield in STANELY'S direction.

DWIGHT

I am Orson Karloff – AKA The Human Torches' greatest adversary!

No one responds.

DWIGHT

Tell me you have heard of me? Strange Tales. August 1963. Issue 111? No?

Again, no one responds. DWIGHT lets his shield drop to his side and raises his mask.

DWIGHT

Seriously. You people haven't taken any of my recommendations on where to start in the Marvel comic world? Someday, you will wish you had taken interest in it.

CREED responds.

CREED

I'm a big Green Lantern guy. How 'bout you?

DWIGHT slowly turns to CREED.

DWIGHT

Shut up.

Finally, PHYLLIS speaks.

PHYLLIS

DWIGHT, that mask is scary. Stop it.

ANGELA looks to the mess DWIGHT made and shakes her head. She goes back to work but chimes in.

ANGELA

Someone is going to have to clean that up. I don't know who but someone better do it before it begins to smell.

DWIGHT dons his mask again. He raises he shield and yells through the mask – muffled.

dwight

It's asbestos! We have asbestos in the building! I am Asbestos Man!

JIM stands up from his desk seeing an opportunity to crack a joke and lighten the tension.

JIM

Did he just say we have investors in the building? OSCAR – are you an investor? Can I become an investor? Where are these investors?!

JIM opens his arms and looks around the office comically. OSCAR looks to JIM unamused.

OSCAR

Not funny. But actually, I am not an investor. I prefer to manage my money with grace and given the economic turmoil some businesses have been seeing based off recent projections from Wall Street, I feel playing the long game is the best practice. So JIM, am I an investor? Of sorts. Yes. But I could go on for hours explaining that to you. I don't have the time. You might. But I don't.

JIM whistles. He then looks up to the ceiling.

JIM

Geez. When you put it that way OSCAR it's a damn good thing I have my Mutual Fund paying out a dividend of 10% annually – and set to mature in 5 years. But hey, that's a low risk venture and I don't want to bore you with those details of my economical dossier . . .

JIM smiles and sits back down at his desk. He sips his coffee and looks to OSCAR. OSCAR, who is surprised at JIM's response, nods approvingly. JIM and OSCAR share a moment. OSCAR then turns to DWIGHT.

OSCAR

Now. DWIGHT. Please explain the situation and take that damn mask off your head.

TED

Yeah? What?

OSCAR looks at TED who is standing at a nearby filing cabinet. TED is playing with a yo-yo and aggressively chewing gum.

OSCAR

Is that really a good use of time?

TED rolls the yo-yo again. It descends to the floor and retracts up to his hand.

TED

Shoot! Well. I seen this on SEINFELD last night. JERRY was trying to get his yo-yo to sleep but couldn't and I just can't get mine to sleep either. It's troublesome. Thanks for asking OSCAR. I've been at this all day.

MICHAEL reappears from the kitchen, with his camera in hand. He takes one look at DWIGHT and stops dead in his tracks.

MICHAEL

What did I miss. I feel I may have missed something.

MICHAEL looks around and no one knows what to say except, TED.

TED

Well. Before someone interrupted me with my yo-yo'ing. . . I overheard talks of asbestos. I don't know what asbestos is exactly but judging how DWAYNE has reacted, it's serious.

JIM

DWAYNE. It's going to stick. We should update the employee registry, too.

TED begins yo-yoing again and doesn't look to JIM to respond.

TED

Yeah. DWAYNE.

TED points at DWIGHT. TED is still focused on yo-yoing and not looking at DWIGHT.

TED

What gives with the mask? Is it wear your mask to work day?

MEREDITH

You allow DWIGHT to wear his mask to work and then when I talk about my masks you all get bent out of shape. I don't understand you people.

DWIGHT disregards everyone's comments and walks calmly over to TED. DWIGHT grabs TED's yo-yo and throws it to the ground and then proceeds to stomp on it. TED closes his eyes and looks to DWIGHT.

ted

DWAYNE, I wish you didn't do that. I still didn't get it to sleep.

DWIGHT (muffled through mask)

You call me DWYANE one more time and I'll put you to sleep.

END SCENE.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM. MID TO LATE AFTENOON.

THE WHOLE OFFICE HAS GATHERED IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM. BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX ARE SEATED IN THE FRONT ROW. ED TRUCK AND DAVID WALLACE ARE STANDING AT THE FRONT OF THE ROOM. THROUGH OUT THE OFFICE, ALL AIR DUCTS CAN BE SEEN COVERED WITH RANDOM OBJECTS – TOWELS, SEAT CUSHIONS, SOMEONE'S COAT. TOBY IS PASSING OUT SURGICAL MASKS. NOT EVERYONE IS WEARING ONE. DWIGHT IS STILL IN HIS GAS MASK. CREED HAS A PIECE OF PAPER OVER HIS FACE SECURED WITH A STRING AROUND THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. HE HAS CRUDELY CUT OUT TWO EYE HOLES AND A MOUTH HOLE. HE HAS ALSO DRAWN ON A SET OF EYEBROWS AND A MOUSTACHE. CREED CLEARLY MISUNDERSTOOD THE WHOLE "MASK" SITUATION. STANLEY REFUSES TO PUT ON A MASK. MEREDITH'S MASK IS SOMETHING BETWEEN A MEXICAN WRESTLER'S AND A "GIMP" MASK.

TOBY

Hey, STANLEY. Can you at least humor us for the time being and put this on? I promise you it won't be long.

TOBY approaches STANLEY. STANLEY takes the mask from TOBY.

STANLEY

I presume I already have the antibodies within me to fight anything nature throws my way. I for one challenge Asbestos and I will show you I can defeat it; mask less.

STANLEY drops the mask on the floor. MEREDITH to STANLEY. She unzips her mouth hole and speaks.

MEREDITH

I'm with STANLEY. I said it already. Y'all don't like my masks . . but all of a sudden . . . I have wear one? Why do we have to wear these masks? Haven't we been working in the office this whole time? What gives?

MEREDITH zips back up. ANGELA scoffs. She is wearing goggles, latex gloves and a mask.

ANGELA (IN A MASK)

STANLEY. You aren't stronger than the Asbestos bug. Childish you think that. But you aren't. And MEREDITH, you of all people should be careful. Especially with how loose you live. I'd say acute asbestos exposure isn't the biggest health scare for you. Where did you get that mask anyway?

MEREDITH turns to ANGELA and unzips her mouth hole again.

MEREDITH

You wish you got "cute exposure" as much as I did. And for your information, this mask isn't even mine. It belongs to Robert. He's a part of our Thursday Night Group.

Collectively the office members groan. TOBY addresses the whole room.

toby (IN A MASK)

Listen everyone. It's just for precaution as they are beginning to remove the asbestos from the warehouse. We are safe here. However, since the duct work is connected – this is a safety measure we should follow – JUST in case. We've covered all the duct work as well. Please. We are doing this with your best intentions in mind. It's only a precaution.

DAVID WALLACE (in a mask)

Thanks, TOBY. Yes. We are acting with your best intentions in mind. I don't want to have to lockdown this office for long! BUT! for clarity, this office does in fact have asbestos in it AND its being removed today. So -

The office workers all speak at once incoherently interrupting DAVID WALLACE.

ED TRUCK (IN A MASK)

Please. Everyone. We are safe. Let DAVID WALLACE finish!

DAVID WALLACE

Thank you, ED TRUCK.

DAVID WALLACE turns to ED TRUCK. DAVID WALLACE notices ED TRUCK has one dress shoe on and one tennis shoe.

DAVID WALLACE

What's up with the shoe ED TRUCK?

ED TRUCK looks down. Without looking back to DAVID WALLACE, he replies.

ED TRUCK

I think I can explain this later.

DAVID WALLACE

Yeah. I think you should.

JIM – who is seated in the back between MICHAEL on one side and PAM on the other – raises his hand. DAVID WALLACE notices this and turns his attention from ED TRUCK's mismatched shoes to JIM.

DAVID WALLACE

Yes. JIM. Is there anything you'd like to add? I cannot stress this enough; but we are on a tight timeline here.

JIM

Yeah. I know I'm new so I won't badger on the masks. It's whatever. But Uh. Where exactly is the asbestos.

PAM, feeling comfortable seeing JIM ask a question, proceeds to ask one as well.

PAM

If I need to answer the phone, how do I manage to do that with my mask?

DAVID WALLACE looks to ED TRUCK. ED TRUCK looks to JIM and then to PAM.

ed truck

Cut a hole in it. Problem solved.

DWIGHT speaks up unprovoked.

DWIGHT (in gas mask)

The asbestos is all around us. Likely knowing the building codes in SCRANTON and area – it'll be in every load baring interior wall, every crawl space that needed extra insulation and –

ED TRUCK

Enough, DWIGHT. Don't be a radical.

MICHAEL

Don't compliment him like that. It only encourages him. Trust me. I work directly across from him. JIM -

MICHAEL turns to JIM. Then back to the front of the room.

MICHAEL

Don't worry. You'll learn. You got lots of years here to learn.

JIM stares straight ahead and furrows his brow while tilting his head quizzically. DAVID WALLACE looks to MICHAEL then to JIM and then to everyone in the room.

DAVID WALLACE

Ok. Let's get this going. Guys –

DAVID WALLACE moves off to the side and allows BOBBY, CHRIS and REX to stand up from the front row. DAVID WALLACE is clearly in a rush as he checks his watch.

CHRIS (in a masK)

Hey. Uh. Yes. Thanks DAVID WALLACE. Uh. Well. Considering today's recent events and with the timeline in mind –

REX turns to the TV with a controller. He hits play as CHRIS is talking and the video begins. There are opening credits rolling.

CHRIS

Ahhh ok thanks , REX. Uh. Yeah. Thanks and here's the video. This is the final product and we all hope you like it.

BOBBY (IN A MASK)

Thank you all for –

MICHAEL interrupts.

MICHAEL

Shh! It's starting! I'll miss the jist! I won't be able to follow if I don't know the jist. Hey – who's got the thing? Hey – TOBY – be useful and hit the lights! Greenwald! Hit the lights!

TOBY reluctantly shuts the lights off in the conference room. MEREDITH unzips and speaks again.

MEREDITH

I like it with the lights on. I like to see the goods. Got to know what I'm dealing with. Don't want to get caught off guard. You girls know what I mean.

MEREDITH turns to the females of the office. None of the reply. CREED replies.

CREED

I do. Something tickled my toe last night and when I pulled back the newspapers, there was nothing there.

OSCAR

Whatever could you mean. Thanks for the visual.

PHYLLIS snickers and blushes. ANGELA reaches into her pocket and produces ear plugs. She inserts them shaking her head in disgust.

DWIGHT

I sleep with the lights on. Since I was a boy I was warned of the evil spirits that would try and whisk me away into the Dark World.

STANLEY

DWIGHT. Can we just watch a video once and not have to hear about your sleeping habits? Don't you remember what we agreed upon? Before you open your mouth just ask yourself : Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by ME? Does this need to be said BY ME NOW? Cmon man!

The video has now begun. The office staff watch the video in its entirety.

As the video ends. REX hits pause from his seated position. TOBY turns the lights back on. The room is silent. DAVID WALLACE stands up. He looks at BOBBY, CHRIS and REX. A smile slowly comes across his face. He begins to nod his head in approval. He points to the TV repeatedly.

DAVID WALLACE

I'll be darned. You guys are geniuses. That video was amazing! That video was perfect. I don't say perfect often but boy oh boy what that perfect.

Almost on cue, ED TRUCK stands up and begins pumping his fists.

ED TRUCK

Geniuses! Spectacular! Now, the warehouse workers part was a bit redundant and could be removed but other than that it was pretty not bad!

oscar

Redundant is a pretty good word, ED TRUCK. Wherever did you hear that?

ED TRUCK points to OSCAR with one hand and JIM with the other.

ED TRUCK

I know! I heard JIM say that word and I thought what another scrumptoulus word! Big guy JIM with another one of his big words! Big Word Jim!

OSCAR rolls his eyes. Meanwhile, JIM shrugs off ED TRUCK with a smile.

JIM

Just trying to help anyway I can. You got a firm grasp on things here, ED TRUCK!

A look of confusion comes over ED TRUCK's face.

ED TRUCK

What does firm grass have anything to do with anything?

PAM snickers and looks to JIM. JIM smiles.

JIM

Close buddy. Close. Almost got that one.

ED TRUCK shakes his head.

DAVID WALLACE

Alright, PBS Crew! Come on up!

REX stands up and graciously accepts a firm and wholesome handshake from both DAVID WALLACE and ED TRUCK. BOBBY follows and then CHRIS. CHRIS turns to the office staff.

CHRIS

You know what? We do have to say we are honored to have worked alongside you and it was partly to do with you all being open to this project that we could have such a great final product. Thank you. It truly was a fulfilling experience.

TOBY gets up with a large smile and goes for a high-five.

TOBY

Dudes, you really kept all my scenes in. I feel like a rockstar. No. I feel like a movie star! Thank you so much!

BOBBY, CHRIS and REX all smile and meet TOBY with a high-five each. However, he intertwines his fingers in theirs in the air and shakes them awkwardly. TOBY – feeling satisfied – returns to his seat beaming.

DWIGHT

Question.

STANLEY

Oh lord.

BOBBY turns to DWIGHT.

DWIGHT

In the scene where we are all introduced, I specifically remember saying more. Why did I only get that speaking part and why was it only me saying my name? TOBY seems to have led this video. Did he pay you.

REX adjusts his mask and responds.

REX

Well, DWIGHT -

DAVID WALLACE goes to interject but REX waves him off angerly.

rex

This educational video was centered on the computer that TOBY has. It is to inform other branches how TOBY has been using it. We were introducing other employees, such as yourself to set a tone. But more importantly, this video was about the functionality of the computer and how it can help day to day with other branches at DUNDER MIFFLIN. In no way shape or form was it supposed to be about you. It was no small feat to build this video from the ground up.

DWIGHT adjusts himself in his chair. REX, who has been meek and mild to this point has lashed out and it seems to of caught everyone, including DWIGHT, off guard.

ED TRUCK

Exactly. An educational video. About the computer. How it can help us as a company. It was done wonderfully. Thank you. All three of you. No matter how big the feat was – you nailed it.

ANGELA takes an ear plug out.

ANGELA

Can we stop talking about feet please.

Suddenly there is a loud crash out in the office. DAVID WALLACE looks to the room with fear in his eyes. CREED has gotten up and has looked out into the office through the glass wall. He pressed his mask covered face to the glass. CREED turns to the group inside the conference room.

CREED

I'm not sure. But I'm pretty sure. There is a fight going on out there.

DAVID WALLACE

WHAT?! A fight?!

CREED looks back through the glass again. This time he nods and doesn't turn back to the group.

CREED

Yes. Sure is a fight. Not a brawl. Or a tussle. Well. Maybe it's more wrastlin' – but what I can be sure of is the spaceman is losing.

ED TRUCK looks at DAVID WALLACE nervously and they each jump to the door and run into the office. BOBBY looks to CHRIS and REX. BOBBY dashes to the back of the room and pulls a small camera out of one of their travel bags.

BOBBY

No way I'm not filming this. After all we've seen here . . .

ANGELA remains seated and does not move. She is putting her ear plug back in.

ANGELA

You are barbaric. This is ridiculous. I'm leaving.

ANGELA gets up and storms into the office to her desk. CHRIS looks at REX. They each wait a moment before they too dash into the office. BOBBY runs with CHRIS and REX into the office. The rest of the office staff, eager to see the fight, followed DAVID WALLACE and ED TRUCK. When they get to reception, the staff is standing in a semi-circle around two men on the ground. One of the men is TODD PACKER. He has returned and has one of the Hazardous Waste Removal workers (who is dressed in a HazMat suit) pinned to the ground. TODD PACKER notices the group as he places his combatant in an arm bar. He speaks to them. TODD PACKER is not wearing a mask. BOBBY raises the camera and begins filming.

THE FOLLOWING IS SEEN THROUGH THE CAMERA LENS AS BOBBY RECORDS.

TODD PACKER

Hey nerds! Caught this one in the hallway. He snuck up on me and tried to get me to wear this stupid mask. Can you believe that? The Packman using protection? Haha. I think not! Raw dog ALL THE TIME! Feels better. More natural. That'll teach you.

TODD PACKER pushes down harder on the man in the HAZMAT suit. TODD PACKER sees BOBBY filming. TODD PACKER looks directly into the camera and mouths: "Yeah".

PHYLLIS

Stop it, TODD. You're hurting him.

DAVID WALLACE looks around anxiously.

DAVID WALLACE

Yes. TODD. Please. You must release him. Please.

DAVID WALLACE approaches TODD PACKER and the pinned man. TODD reluctantly releases the man. The man stands up and runs out into the hallway and disappears. TODD PACKER stands up and dusts himself off.

TODD PACKER

Happy? Y'all can wear the masks like sheep but not the PACKMAN.

ED TRUCK looks to DAVID WALLACE – who is clearly not impressed. He then looks to the camera. He quickly looks back to DAVID WALLACE.

CREED (off camera)

I'd give you that round. I've battled roadkill that had more fight left in them than the spaceman did.

CAMERA PANS TO CREED. DWIGHT IS BESIDE CREED.

dwight

Roadkill-smoadkill. Have you ever heard of Airkill? Trying cleaning a guzzard after it's been clipped by a 747 –

ED TRUCK cuts DWIGHT off. CAMERA PANS TO ED TRUCK.

ed truck

No! I do NOT condone this behavior. Those men out there are here to help us! Whatever came over you to think you should fight him TODD?!

TODD PACKER adjusts his tie and puts his hand on his belt buckle.

TODD PACKER

If a strange man attacked you at work, ED TRUCK, I'm sure you would of reacted the same. It was a violation of my rights. He violated me. I could press charges!

CAMERA PANS TO TOBY WHO IS BESIDE ED TRUCK.

TOBY

Now now. Let's not get the cops involved. I think we all could learn from this. We all could take something good away from today.

CAMERA PANS TO MICHAEL.

MICHAEL approaches TOBY. He picks up the mask by TODD PACKER'S feet and goes to TOBY. MICHAEL stretches it over TOBY's head and covers TOBY's eyes.

toby

Really.

TOBY turns to DAVID WALLACE – the mask still covering his face.

TOBY

DAVID?

MICHAEL

See no evil. Speak no evil.

CAMERA PANS TO MICHAEL WHO LOOKS DIRECTLY INTO THE LENS.

MICHAEL

Ghandi said that.

PAM (OFF CAMERA)

Umm. Don't think so.

JIM (OFF CAMERA)

Yeah. His brother did. Rick Ghandi.

MICHAEL

Exactly.

CAMERA PANS TO TODD PACKER. HE'S NOW GOT A LARGE CATALOUGE IN HIS HANDS. HE'S HANDING IT TO ED TRUCK.

todd packer

Listen. I came here to get you guys this. I closed free sales this morning. I got a free breakfast at IHOP after I put one of my pubes in it – ol trucker trick – and then I beat someone up. That's a regular day for me. Maybe during our monthly 1 with 1 – we can discuss arm bar techniques but for now – maybe you should all be thanking me. First, we landed SKYMALL and now this little nugget falls into my lap.

OSCAR

Wait? How many sales did you close?

TODD PACKER looks at OSCAR with a threatening look not wanting to open the "free-three" debate again. MICHAEL jumps in.

MICHAEL

What's IHOP?

TODD PACKER looks at MICHAEL and raises one eyebrow.

TODD PACKER

Damn, Scott. This office made you get soft. Trucker life man! Way of the road! IHOP is an institution! Maybe one of these days you'll run the roads with the PACKMAN and we can grab some of the finest cuisine this great nation has to offer.

MICHAEL fist pumps into the air and jumps a little. He clearly is excited at the prospect of "running the roads" with TODD PACKER.

MICHAEL

YEAH!

TODD PACKER looks to DAVID WALLACE and ED TRUCK who are scanning the catalogue he handed them

TODD PACKER

Pretty friggin' good right?

DAVID WALLACE and ED TRUCK are immersed with the catalogue and don't reply.

CAMERA SCANS TO MICHAEL

MICHAEL

I can't wait to roll in the 'COUG! With the PACKMAN!

CAMERA PANS TO TODD PACKER

TODD PACKER

Damn straight, SCOTT. A true reflection of a good salesmen is his ride. Always have a good ride if you want to be in sales. Remember that. The bigger the better.

CAMERA PANS TO MICHAEL

MICHAEL has his eyes closed. He waits for a moment then opens them.

MICHAEL

Got it. I just made a mental note.

From across the office, a notebook comes flying towards MICHAEL which is followed by a pen. They fall pathetically short of MICHAEL. It turns out, DWIGHT has thrown both.

CAMERA PANS TO DWIGHT

dwight

Mental notes are the competition. You know this MICHAEL. Write your notes down. On paper. You sell paper.

CAMERA PANS TO ED TRUCK, WHO IS THUMBING THROUGH THE CATALOGUE WITH DAVID WALLACE LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER. TODD PACKER LEANS OVER TO THEM.

TODD PACKER

That's a draft catalogue. Hasn't even come out yet. Got it from our friends over at HAMMERMILL. I swung by with a client and then some dude gave me it on the way out. I think he was making a pass at me. Crazy fella should know the PACKMAN plays for 1 Team and 1 Team only. The Poon Team. But, you're welcome. Another sale. Another dollar. Another reason to love the PACKMAN.

TODD PACKER laughs and then begins to scan the office.

TODD PACKER

Anyhoodles, I have my expenses. Where is that weird little accounting lady?

TODD PACKER LOOKS TO THE CAMERA AND WINKS AND THEN BEGINS TO SCAN THE OFFICE SOME MORE. CAMERA PANS TO ANGELA – WHO IS AT HER DESK PACKING THINGS.

ANGELA

Not today, TODD.

ANGELA CLOSES HER BAG AND BEGINS TO WALK OVER TO LEAVE THE OFFICE. NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING AS SHE PASSES THROUGH THE GROUP. ANGELA STOPS BY RECEPTION. SHE LOOKS TO PAM (OFF SCREEN). ANGELA DROPS AN EMPTY FOLDER ON RECEPTION.

ANGELA

Please take Mr. Packer's expenses and I'll review them when we are allowed back in this death trap of a building. Thank you.

ANGELA pushes through the group and leaves. TODD PACKER turns and walks over to reception and pulls out a single piece of paper. He puts it in the folder.

CAMERA PANS TO OSCAR.

OSCAR

Looks like someone has finally decided to clean up their expenses? I knew you had it in you, TODD PACKER.

CAMERA PANS TO TODD PACKER.

TODD PACKER squints at OSCAR. He puts his hands on his hips.

todd packer

No. No. No. On that sheet is a set of directions. Those directions will bring you to places I expensed at. You will be able to collect the receipts there. As it should be. Why should I do your job for you. Cmon.

CAMERA PANS TO DAVID WALLACE WHO NOW HAS TAKEN NOTICE OF TODD PACKER'S ACTIONS. HE IS VISIBLY UPSET WITH TODD PACKER'S DEMEANOR. AS HE IS ABOUT TO SPEAK, ED TRUCK INTERRUPTS.

ed truck

. Ok. Well, this HAMMERMILL catalogue eh? Great work.

ED TRUCK scans the front of the catalogue. He stops.

ED TRUCK

Uh. TODD? It says "TO: MEREDITH PALMER" on the front?

CAMERA PANS TO MEREDITH. SHE IS SEATED ON A DESK CASUALLY. IT PANS BACK TO TODD PACKER. HE HAS A SLY LOOK ON HIS FACE.

meredith

Thanks, TODD. Saved me a trip over there. Well worth it.

CAMERA PANS TO DAVID WALLACE WHO LOOKS TO MEREDITH AND THEN TO ED TRUCK. ED TRUCK SEES DAVID WALLACE LOOKING AT HIM.

ED TRUCK

Great job . . . you two. Really . . . well .. . executed.

CAMERA PANS TO REX AND CHRIS – WHO ARE SPEECHLESS. REX LOOKS TO THE CAMERA AND SHRUGS.

cam (off camera)

Hey. Hate to break up the family meeting but uhhh – the Team is looking to start the asbestos removal in here. Might want to wrap this up.

CAMERA PANS TO CAM WHO HAS ENTERED THE OFFICE BEHIND DAVID WALLACE AND ED TRUCK – HE IS WEARING A MASK.

david wallace

Ah. Yes. Makes sense. Thank- You, CAM.

CAM AND ED TRUCK LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER. CAM MOUTHS AN *EXPLICIT* AND ED TRUCK CHOPS HIS CROTCH (like D-GENERATION X in W.W.E). CAM FLIPS ED TRUCK THE MIDDLE FINGER AND THEN LEAVES.

DAVID WALLACE

HEY HEY HEY! What's with that? Cmon. Set an example to your team here, ED TRUCK! Now isn't the time for petty schoolyard tithers. Read the room!

ED TRUCK straightens his tie and cracks his neck. He points at DAVID WALLACE and calmly but sternly replies.

ED TRUCK

One day you'll see just how bad the warehouse team is. I don't know when that day will be . . . but one day it'll be. I promise you that.

DAVID WALLACE inhales sharply. He lowers his voice and leans into ED TRUCK. BY now, everyone is watching this play out but not saying anything.

THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN AWKWARDLY ON DAVID WALLACE AND ED TRUCK.

DAVID WALLACE(to ed truck)

I trust this company. I trust what they have laid out for me. I see a future here. I think we need to really discuss your bedside manner towards the Warehouse folks and how it may be negatively affecting the workplace.

ED TRUCK looks around before he replies. His voice is even lower than DAVID WALLACE's

ED TRUCK

Bedside manner? I've never slept with anyone in the warehouse.

THE CAMERA ZOOMS OUT AND DAVID WALLACE LEANS BACK AWAY FROM ED TRUCK. DAVID WALLACE BLINKS RAPIDLY.

DAVID WALLACE

Okay. Okay.

DAVID WALLACE claps his hands together. He addresses the entire room.

DAVID WALLAC

Everyone, grab your things and let's get out of here. That's for today. Appreciate everyone's understanding. Also, PBS crew – well done.

DAVID WALLACE LOOKS DIRECTLY TO THE CAMERA AND NODS.

CREED (off camera)

What's the timeline here? I have a – project – and need to know if I need to take it or – leave it . . . extra . . . food.

DAVID WALLACE TURNS TO ED TRUCK WITH HIS HANDS ON HIS HIPS. CAMERA PANS TO ED TRUCK.

ed truck

WHAT?

CREED (OFF CAMERA)

Never mind.

THE CAMERA TURNS AROUND AND SHOWS BOBBY'S FACE. HE PULLS DOWN HIS MASK AND MOUTHS "WHAT THE F**K".

END SCENE

OUTRO

RECEPTION. END OF DAY.

EVERYONE HAS COLLECTED THEIR ITEMS AND HAVE LEFT EXCEPT THE THREE PBS CREW MEMBERS, DAVID WALLACE, ED TRUCK, MICHAEL, AND DWIGHT. BOBBY, CHRIS, AND REX HAVE ALL THEIR GEAR READY TO GO. JIM AND PAM HAVE HELPED THEM GATHER THEIR THINGS AND ARE STANDING WITH THEIR HANDS FULL. THEY ARE AWAITING TO HELP THE PBS CREW LOAD UP OUTSIDE. ED TRUCK SCANS THE OFFICE QUICKLY AND THEN SHUTS THE LIGHTS OFF. HE TAKES HIS MASK OFF. EVERYONE SEES HIM DO IT AND FOLLOWS SUIT.

ED TRUCK

Well. That puts a pin in that eh.

ED TRUCK turns to DAVID WALLACE. They shake hands.

DAVID WALLACE

A little unorthodox. But. We got the video and we got everyone out safe and on time. I didn't see today going the way it went but I think we worked with what we had and made the best of it. Heck, we must remind ourselves of the SKYMALL sale and on top of that – that HAMMERMILL catalogue. I must say ED TRUCK, you never fail to impress.

DAVID WALLACE turns to BOBBY, CHRIS and REX. DAVID WALLACE raises the DVD case in his hand and shakes it in the air smiling.

DAVID WALLACE

On behalf of all of us at DUNDER MIFFLIN HQ . . . thank you. I mean that. If the shareholders are even half as impressed as I am – they will be over the moon. The other branches will truly see the benefits of the computer and we will push DUNDER MIFFLIN into the 21st Century.

BOBBY smiles. CHRIS nods. REX gives the thumbs up. DAVID WALLACE turns to leave. Before he reaches the door, he stops and turns back to ED TRUCK. He lowers his voice and leans to ED TRUCK. ED TRUCK leans in. Only they can hear the conversation.

david wallace

ED. There may be a call soon. From me. Maybe from someone else at HQ. But please. Make sure you take the call. And. . . be prepared. Just make sure you have your facts straight. You understand me? I am on your side. Remember this.

ED TRUCK exhales slowly. He then looks at DAVID WALLACE sincerely.

ED TRUCK

I will, DAVID. I will be ready.

DAVID WALLACE

As for the whole shoe thing, I can look past it. Just don't make it a habit.

ED TRUCK

I won't. Thank you, sir.

DAVID WALLACE nods and then leaves – as he leaves, he raises the DVD case above his head – much like the ending scene out of The Breakfast Club. DAVID WALLACE then looks to JIM and PAM.

david wallace

JIM, PAM . . . I would be remiss if I didn't mention that every day at DUNDER MIFFLIN isn't like what you experienced this week. It'll level out. This week was – extraordinary and I don't want it to cloud your feelings around the company. We are just an average paper company. I have a feeling you'll both do great things here. We are happy to have you with us.

JIM

Thanks, DAVID. It wasn't that bad. Minus the possible exposure to a hazardous material –

JIM remains with a straight face. DAVID WALLACE looks to him concerned. Everyone is a little on edge at his response. JIM looks to MICHAEL and winks and then smiles.

JIM (CON'T)

That Tupperware container in the fridge marked TOBY is what I mean.

MICHAEL grins and looks at JIM with admiration. DAVID WALLACE chuckles and wags his finger at him. PAM senses the humour in the group and joins in. PAM looks to JIM and then to MICHAEL and the rest of group.

PAM

Yeah! Someone should warn those guys about that! It may be explosive!

DAVID WALLACE

I think you two will do just fine here . . . so long everyone. Thanks for the week. Onward.

The group collectively laughs as DAVID WALLACE exits. DWIGHT, who was at his desk setting his outgoing voicemail greeting, has made his way across the office. DWIGHT stands in front of JIM and PAM and speaks.

DWIGHT (still in his mask)

PAM. Food cannot explode. Unless you mix Beet scapes, 10w30 and a AAA Battery. Duh.

JIM

It was a joke, DWIGHT.

DWIGHT

JIM. I think you have a future in sales. I really do –

DWIGHT steps closer to JIM smiling. JIM smiles at DWIGHT.

DWIGHT (CON'T)

But if you ever joke about beets around me EVER again, I won't hesitate to put you to sleep. I will make you pass away.

ED TRUCK

DWIGHT! We've went through enough today – let's not add an Employee-Employee Harassment charge. Cmon!

DWIGHT remains smiling at JIM. DWIGHT's wristwatch begin to beep. Without breaking his stare to JIM, he raises his hand and shuts the watch off.

DWIGHT

Well. That's that. Just at the level of over exposure. So long.

DWIGHT continues out of the office.

BOBBY

It was a pleasure working with you! Good luck with everything!

DWIGHT stops. He turns his head slowly at the door.

DWIGHT

You'll be the ones needing the luck.

DWIGHT pauses for a moment. He then turns to JIM.

DWIGHT

Rookie. Question 1. Do you know how long it takes for a house foundation to settle?

JIM looks at DWIGHT and raises an eyebrow in question.

DWIGHT

30 Years. 30. Years. In paper years, that's around 2 weeks. Question 2. Do you know how long it takes a barn foundation to crumble?

JIM awkwardly laughs and shrugs.

JIM

I don't know but I know you're going to tell me –

DWIGHT cuts JIM off.

DWIGHT

It's a trick question. If the barn has livestock, the heat generated from the livestock actually prolong the life of the foundation. If you remove the livestock, you begin the crumbling process.

JIM does his classic blank stare.

DWIGHT

What I mean is that if you put the time in, you're going to settle in just fine around here. You won't crumble.

PAM

Hey, DWIGHT. That's really nice of you to say.

DWIGHT turns his attention to PAM.

DWIGHT

Well. I do home and barn inspections on the weekend pro bono so, I think I do know a thing or two about foundations. Lesson; don't mistake facts for friends, PAM. Goodbye. Goodbye, JIM.

DWIGHT turns and heads back out of the office. BOBBY snorts and MICHAEL also laughs. JIM and PAM share a look and smile.

JIM

I think he compared me to livestock but I think he was trying to be nice? Weird guy. Hell of a salesman. Weird guy though.

ED TRUCK exhales and takes one last look into the office and then turns to leave. MICHAEL stops him.

ED TRUCK

What's the matter, MICHAEL? You heard DWIGHT. Over exposure and crumbling and what not. We better get out of here. It's going to be an interesting week next week for me – so I better get going. I have a feeling DAVID WALLACE will be in touch sooner than I think . . .

MICHAEL

Since we have the camera crew here – I was hoping to get a picture of you and I. For old times sake.

ED TRUCK

Uhh . . . I guess. Sure.

MICHAEL looks to BOBBY and motions for him to produce his camera. BOBBY looks to PAM, who is holding the camera in a box in her hands. JIM grabs the camera and hands it to BOBBY. BOBBY turns it on.

MICHAEL

Great. Ok. How about we shake hands – like a ribbon cutting.

JIM

But without the scissors or without the ribbon. Right?

MICHAEL

Yes. So perhaps more like a couple co-workers shaking hands on the job.

JIM pretends to think hard.

jim

AHH! Gotcha. Like a . . . A hand job then.

MICHAEL

Exactly. Just a super salesmen and his boss sharing a hand job.

REX looks to CHRIS who is holding in a laugh. BOBBY is trying to hold it together. PAM is turning red. ED TRUCK is unimpressed.

MICHAEL

Alright, let's do a quick hand job.

MICHAEL walks over to ED TRUCK who is weirded out by MICHAEL's choice of words. ED TRUCK shakes his head and smiles anyway. They awkwardly shake hands and hold it. MICHAEL smiles briefly then it fades as he holds it too long. Just then, BOBBY takes the picture.

MICHAEL

Ah! Thanks! Hopefully it looks good. I think you got my good side. You definitely got ED TRUCK's good side . . .

MICHAEL clasps ED TRUCK's hand with both of his own.

MICHAEL (CONT)

. . . which is his outside. It's the outside that counts.

ED TRUCK pulls his hand away from MICHAEL awkwardly.

ED TRUCK

Yeah, okay MICHAEL, let's not make this a thing.

JIM winks at PAM. He mutters to her.

JIM

Oh, it certainly is a thing.

ED TRUCK looks to JIM having not heard his remark. BOBBY looks down to his digital camera.

MICHAEL

How'd it look?

Without raising his head, BOBBY responds.

BOBBY

It looks great. It looks just like two dudes sharing a hand job.

MICHAEL smiles.

MICHAEL

Perfect.

END OF EPISODE.

BEGINNING OF SERIES.

Hope you enjoyed the journey!

Brandon Road.

This content is non-commercial fan fiction. It was written out of admiration of the original writings. I only intended to present MY OWN view of what COULD have taken place before the original works. Any characters, settings or other details from the original works that have made their way into my stories are owned and belong to NBC Universal and any other relevant copyright holders. I do not own any other Trademarked Materials which includes any mentioned items/people/places/things/etc held in Copyright. This work is available for enjoyment of fellow enthusiast that wish to be taken into a fictitious prologue of the beloved storyline. It is not to be distributed in any manner for the purpose of monetary gain.