A/N: I have had the idea of Agathe writing a letter to Georg just before her death, one that he would find and read following her passing, and I decided that it might be nice to have her write little letters for each of their children as well. Each chapter will be one letter, so there will be eight in all, and I am going to try to get them out as quickly as possible. This one is rather long, spanning the most important times in Agathe and Georg's relationship, but others will be shorter. Especially Gretl's at the end. I really, really hope you enjoy this!


Dear Georg,

You are not and never have been the kind of man to say, 'I told you so', so I suppose I'm going to have to say it for you.

You told me so.

I can't remember how many times you told me not to interfere with Marta's care and to just take a step back and let the doctor do his job. I can't remember the amount of times you tried to remind me of how poor my immune system was and how much of a risk I was taking by merely sitting at her bedside. The only thing I am able to remember is all the times I completely ignored you and brushed off your concerns.

I wish, more than anything, I had listened to you because we wouldn't be in this position.

No.

You wouldn't be in this position.

You wouldn't feel as though you have to keep checking in on me all the time (only five minutes ago, you poked your head around the door and asked if I was feeling tired or needed anything), you wouldn't have to decline invitations to parties I know you long to attend to care for me and you would be able to sleep at night. You would still have a life, should I have just listened, and I hate that I'm such a burden on you.

I feel so guilty, but that's not my reason for writing this.

I decided to write it because I want to tell you exactly how I feel.

How I am supposed to sum up sixteen years of complete happiness in one letter, I have no idea, but I suppose I should start at the very beginning.

It took me a while to realize it, not helped in the slightest by the circumstances at the time, but I have loved you since the moment we met. When I was a little girl, governesses and nannies would read me bedtime stories about princesses bumping into their one true love when they least expected it. I thought it sounded romantic and it was a lovely way to pass the time, but I thought it was a load of nonsense until I was the one it happened to. Of course, my experience was somewhat less romantic and far more embarrassing since I crashed, head-on, into you and made you spill your port all over your new shirt. You could have lost your temper with me and I would have deserved it. I mean, I was storming away from my father and acting like a child, so it was completely my fault. You didn't though. You were so incredibly sweet to me.

I remember not being in the mood for a conversation at the time, so I made my apologies and went upstairs to cool my head, but I couldn't stop thinking about you and the way you looked at me. Even though I made an utter fool out of myself and wrecked your shirt, you looked at me in a way I had never been looked at by a man before, not even Emilio. I decided not to think much into it though, honestly, because I had heard many horror stories about sailors and their reputations and I stupidly believed that you looked at most women in such a manner. When you came and found me in the garden later on, that was when I started to realize you were the exception and I was wrong about you. You knew that I was upset and having a hard time of it without me having to say a word and you still have the ability to do that to this day.

I had never opened up to anyone the way I opened up to you that night.

Until that point, I had never said a word about the things Emilio was doing to me or how sick and tired I was of the life I was being forced to live, but you made it so easy and – even though I knew nothing about you – there was no doubt in my mind that I could trust you with all I said. I never worried that you would walk away from our conversation and tell my parents or Emilio about the things I said. I knew you would keep it to yourself and I think that was one of the things that drew me to you so much. I finally had someone I could speak to about my problems and you honestly made them so much easier to bear. I had a good deal of friends around me, but you were far more than that.

When I try and pinpoint the exact moment I fell for you, I fail.

Even now, all these years later, the little things you do for me and our children make me fall in love with you all over again.

I shan't talk about all the time we spent apart while you were away at sea – the time I spent with Emilio and the things he put me through – because that will only taint this letter and I want this to be something to help you get through the darkest days when I'm no longer here.

I think I may just skip to the part where this love story of ours truly begins.

It's my favourite part, after all.

Emilio was, at that point, a thing of the past and I knew in my heart that you were the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I had this little calendar on the wall in my bedroom and I would cross off the days until your return since you told me when I could expect you. I have never known a period of six months to pass as slowly as that one did, but the day eventually came and I remember sneaking out in the early morning and catching four buses so I could be there waiting for you when you reached land. Your face was an absolute picture when you saw me. It was undeniable I was the last person you were expecting to see standing there, but I saw the moment you worked out what my waiting there for you symbolized and I remember your comrades cheering when you picked me up and kissed me in front of them.

To this day, you haven't kissed me like that and I hate you for it.

No, I'm only kidding.

Mostly.

Our courtship was much shorter than I envisaged it, honestly, I thought we would be courting for a year at least before you asked me to be your wife, but I always knew the answer was going to be yes. Before you proposed, I always planned on making you wait a little while for an answer because I wanted to tease you and make you sweat. Winding you up was and always will be one of my favourite pastimes. When the time came, however, you put so much time into making the proposal as beautiful as possible for me and I hadn't the heart to do that to you. You went above and beyond, despite the fact I would have been okay with a simple proposal in the garden, and you made me feel so adored. Even father commented on how wonderful a proposal it was and that is seriously saying something because you know how he felt about you.

He thought what we had would never last and he told me that the whole way through our courtship.

He would tell me you were using me and you were going to break my heart someday, but I had too much faith in you to listen to him.

I still find it laughable that he saw such things in you when he never saw a single thing wrong in Emilio.

Enough about them though, I'm getting side-tracked and there is only so much ink in this pen.

I remember our engagement being short, shorter than our courtship by a long shot, but I also remember it being one of the happiest times in my life. Your being home on leave meant we could go on more dates and every one of them was more wonderful than the last, especially the one when we took a picnic down to the lake and spent the whole day there. You pushed me in at one point and I was livid because I was in my new dress, but then you joined me and we went for a swim and why I was upset with you slipped my mind completely in no time at all. I had also never been kissed in the middle of a lake before, so that was rather an exciting moment for me. You made that day so, so perfect.

I wish I had the strength to go down there with you one last time.

You'll have to go down there for the both of us someday. Sit on the bank and remember me and the beautiful memories we had of the place.

I admit, I am starting to feel a little tired now, so this part will be quite brief and that saddens me because this is the part I love the most.

Oh well.

The day of our wedding was the most magical day of my life and I say that despite the rain, the terrible jokes Max kept making, your lovely suit getting torn at the reception and the motorcar taking forever to start when we were trying to leave for our honeymoon. Of course, at the time, I was mortified about all those things and I struggled to see the funny side of it all unlike you, but that is the only thing I see when I think about it now. In all the time that has passed since then, I don't think I have ever felt as beautiful as I did when I was walking towards you down the aisle. Whether that had something to do with the way you couldn't stop staring at me or something else, I have no idea, but I mean that. I loved my dress and I loved my hair, I just loved everything about the way I looked and I felt like the princesses in those stories.

I remember driving up into the hills to have our photographs taken following the ceremony, just you and I and the photographer, and it was so peaceful and romantic. Save for my veil constantly blowing into my face, I mean. Sitting here at my desk, I have one of those photographs beside me, the one where you caught me completely unawares with that kiss, and the memory of it is still enough to put a smile on my face. Absolutely nothing about those photographs is forced or staged and the genuineness of them is truly one of my favourite things about them.

Along with you looking so terribly handsome, of course.

I remember you made me laugh so much my stomach hurt and my mascara ran, meaning we had to cut the photography session short since I was an absolute mess by that point and had no means of cleaning myself up. What the guests must have thought when we came back here, I have no idea, but I don't doubt the lot of them talked about it for days to come. You know what the upper class are like, my love, as do I.

I think my favourite part of our entire wedding day was our wedding night.

You reassured me so much over the months leading up to our wedding day and on the day itself, telling me we would take our time and we had no need to rush into anything, knowing we had the rest of our lives for things like that, but I was still sick to my stomach with nerves. When I looked in the mirror, I had no idea what you saw in me. I have no idea why I was so self-conscious because I'd never experienced it before and the way I looked never bothered me much, but I hated what I saw that night. I felt my peignoir wasn't sitting right on my body, my hair looked bad, I looked completely exhausted from the day's events and I was far from the blushing bride I knew I was supposed to be.

I was worried what you would think when you came in and saw me, but I had no need to be.

The way you looked at me when you came into the room made every insecurity I could have had melt away in a heartbeat, it honestly did. I forgot all about how lousy I felt minutes before and, even though there was still a little nervousness there, I felt so much more confident in myself. We talked for hours before we finally consummated our marriage, that's another thing I remember. We were lying on the bed, lying so close I could feel your breath on my face, and you were running your hands through my hair while telling me I was in control. You promised me we wouldn't do anything I felt uncomfortable with and, no matter how far things progressed, if I felt overwhelmed or wanted to stop at any point then we would. You were so selfless that evening, Georg, so warm and understanding and I had never loved you as much as I did then.

I remember us lying there together in the aftermath, listening to the sound of the rain against the window and the wind outside, and I swore I had never been so comfortable in all my life. I think I said that out loud as well and it made you laugh. That whole evening was so wonderful.

We had our ups and downs through the years, as I knew we would, and I know we argued a little more than was probably good for us when you were home from sea sometimes, but there was never a moment when I questioned my love for you or yours for me. You were the one who made it a rule that no one in this house, not even our children, would be allowed to go to bed without resolving a matter beforehand and I still love and live by it. There were many times when I felt I was the one in the right and you were the one in the wrong, but we were both far too stubborn to admit defeat and so I turned to you in bed and apologized first. I know there were many occasions on which you did the same, so don't you dare sit there and shake your head at me. See, my darling, I know you better than you know yourself and don't you forget that.

I love you and I am grateful to you for so much, I truly am, but the thing I love and am grateful to you most for is our children.

Growing up, I knew I wanted children when I was older and I told myself that I would be more than content with just one or two. If someone had told me that, at the time of my writing this, I would have seven, I doubt I would have believed them. I can hardly believe it myself and I was the one who had to birth the lot of them! Our sweet Liesl with her love for music, our Friedrich with his love for you and all things naval, Louisa with her reservedness but darling personality, Kurt with his ability to sneak cookies from the kitchen without being caught, Brigitta with her love of books, Marta with her inquisitive nature and little Gretl who still has yet to show you who she is.

I so wish I could be around to see who she turns out to be.

To watch her take those wobbly first steps, say her first word, just everything I have been blessed enough to experience with the others.

It hurts me to think she and Marta won't remember me, perhaps even Brigitta too, but I'm hoping you'll keep my memory alive for the three of them. What am I saying? Of course, you will. I know you would never let them go through their lives not knowing how I treasured them.

I do treasure them, sweetheart, just as I treasure you and each and every one of our babies.

There. I think that's all my favourite things about our time together covered rather nicely, but I have no doubt you're going to remember far more things than I ever will. You're always the one reminding me of the precious moments we spent together through the years, even ones I have long since forgotten about for one reason or another. Before I bring this letter to an end, however, there is one thing I want to say.

Sixteen years with you was not enough.

Not by a long shot.

But, saying that, we could have had forever together and I still would have been left wanting so much longer by your side.

You have made me the happiest woman living since the moment I met you and I cannot find the words to tell you how much that means to me and how much I adore you. If you take anything from this, let that be it. You may have regrets in the months to come and you may feel as though you want to go back and do things differently, but that is the last thing I want. Everything that happened to us was what got us to this point and if one tiny detail had been changed, our lives would be completely different at this moment in time and I don't want to imagine that.

My life, despite the circumstances right now, is perfect and loving and being loved by you is the greatest blessing in the world.

Now, I am going to end this letter here and go and find you because I refuse to waste another moment of the precious time we have left together.

Forever yours, my dearest darling,

Agathe.


A/N: Thank you so much for taking the time to read this chapter! I know it was super long and I apologize for that (I got very carried away) but I am incredibly proud of it and I don't say that much about my work. I would love to know what you guys thought of it, so a review would truly make my day. I could leave this as a one shot if that is what people think is best, or I could go on with my idea of doing a chapter for each of the children too. Let me know!