Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage of the Hidden Leaf Village, was drunk again, and though Shizune didn't approve, she said nothing of it. Jiraiya, the Legendary Sannin and the Toad Sage, had died in battle. He had been lifelong friends with the Fifth Hokage, and they had only grown closer as time went on.

Through the crack in the door to the Hokage's office, Shizune watched her mentor take another long draught from a bottle of sake. From outside the office, the smell of alcohol was enough to make the medical ninja's spine tingle.

Tsunade put her bottle down, and stared at the stack of untouched reports upon her desk, her eyes unfocused, looking at something a million miles away. All day, Tsunade's face had sunken whenever the Hokage didn't think anyone was looking. And now, all that dire sadness was apparent, cutting through Tsunade's face and making her features seem somehow less. Even the glamour jutsu that she used to maintain her appearance of youth didn't seem to help. Shizune raised a hand, and was about to knock when Tsunade's voice cut through the silence.

"You may enter, Shizune."

The medical ninja gasped. She hadn't made even the slightest sound, and yet Tsunade had known she was there. The Hokage folded her hands before her face, looking rather unhappy as Shizune stepped into the office.

"I just came by to see how far you'd gotten with those reports," Shizune lied quickly, "the sun has already set, and the day is practically over."

"I know. And I'm sorry to say it, but I haven't made any progress on the reports," Tsunade replied.

There was a moment of intense silence where Shizune wondered what she should say next. Tsunade took another swig from her bottle, gulping it down like it was water, and she were stuck in a scorching desert.

"How are you holding up, Lady Tsunade?"

The Hokage thumped her bottle down with a little more force than was necessary, making Shizune jump.

"I'm fine!" Tsunade proclaimed loudly, as if she were sick of repeating the phrase.

Shizune inclined her head in a bow and mumbled, "I-I'm sorry ma'am, I just-"

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have raised my voice." Tsunade swiveled in her chair, so that she was facing the window, beyond which the black of night pressed against the glass.

Shizune noticed that Lady Tsunade's reflection was visible in the glass, and that the Hokage had tears spilling from her eyes.

"M'lady?" Shizune asked softly.

"It's just that… the one time I win a bet… and Jiraiya…"

Of all the times she could have won a bet, it would be just her luck that it would happen when she bet against Jiraiya. It felt stupid to even consider, but she still felt responsible for his death.

But that was not all. For the first time in a long time, Tsunade had very seriously been thinking about settling down, and maybe even starting a family. It had taken so many years for her to get past Dan's death. And just when she felt like she was ready to move on, the man who had helped her realize she wanted a family went and died.

Tsunade was no stranger to pain. It had shaped her life drastically, and ultimately pushed her to become a medical ninja. But the pain in her heart now was of her own making. If only she hadn't been so stubborn. If only she had told Jiraiya how she felt…

"I'll get these reports sorted out before tomorrow morning," Tsunade said softly. "Now, is there anything else?"

"No, Lady Tsunade. I was just worried about you."

The Hokage spun around in her seat, wiping her face on her sleeve.

"I appreciate your concern, but you should get some sleep, Shizune. Good night."

The younger medical ninja blinked, taken unaware by the sudden dismissal. She said a soft farewell and left with a bow, closing the door behind her and marching down the hall, leaving Tsunade alone in her office.

But the instant Shizune was gone, the Hokage's face fell. She stared into oblivion, her fingernail scratching at her desk as she fought a ferocious inner battle.

Tsunade, while not as smart as Orochimaru, nor as experienced as Jiraiya, was a powerful shinobi in her own right. She knew there were forbidden jutsu that allowed for the reanimation of the dead, and what was more, they were right up her alley. After all, she was well versed in medical ninjutsu. It wouldn't be much of a stretch for her to apply those principles to a reanimation jutsu.

But then again, Tsunade was the Hokage. She was entrusted to uphold the laws of the land, and there was a reason that forbidden jutsu were forbidden. Was it right that she shirk her duty to the village so readily? Or did she owe it to Jiraiya, who had professed his love for her for years, and gotten rejected every time?

She lifted the bottle of liquor to her lips yet again, and drank deeply of it. The burning in her throat helped to ease the suffering in her heart, and her mind was thick from the drink as she leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling.

Jiraiya. She just couldn't get him out of her head. The realization that he was gone was a particularly bitter pill to swallow. It hurt to think that she would never be able to see him again, or hear his raucous laughter. Jiraiya was gone forever, and whatever life they may have had together was gone with him.

Tsunade tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder, put the empty bottle in her desk, and stood from her chair. Her steps were unsteady, and her only thoughts as she rounded her desk and made for the door were those of her old friend.

"Jiraiya… you deserve to know how I feel. You should know how much I cared about you- how much I still care about you."

Before turning out the lights to her office, Tsunade paused at the door. This would be her only chance to turn back. She could turn around, sit back down in her chair, and work on getting those reports done, as any good Hokage would do.

But a part of Tsunade did not want to be Hokage anymore. She did not want to be responsible for anyone else's death. At that moment, all she wanted was Jiraiya, and he was the one thing she couldn't have.

She did not look back as she turned the handle to the door, and swept out of her office, heading downstairs to her workspace so that she might sort through the archives. Therein she would find reanimation jutsu, as it had been recorded by the Second Hokage. She may need to make a few variations to the formula, but one way or another, she'd find a way to make it work.


Jiraiya bolted upright, his eyes wide, and sweat coating his limbs as he looked to and fro. He was laid up in a room, sprawled out over his borrowed sleeping roll. Then, a loud croak rumbled, and a large green toad hopped onto his leg, but this was not any ordinary toad. This one had grey hair that had long since receded across his scalp, and a matching goatee. He wore a simple brown cloak, and frowned at Jiraiya with big, bushy eyebrows.

"L-Lord Fukasaku!"

"Jiraiya boy, what are you still doing in bed?!" The old toad crossed his arms and scowled at the young shinobi, "You have been summoned by the Great Lord Elder! Get up and get a move on! You don't want to keep him waiting!"

Jiraiya leapt to his feet, almost sending Fukasaku flying as he did so, and rushed to the bathroom, where he slammed the door shut behind him, and turned to face the mirror.

Staring back in him was a young man with long white hair. But how was that possible? The last thing Jiraiya remembered, he was floating in a dark place. His entire body had been hurting. There was a name, too… Naruto. But who was Naruto? Why did the name seem stuck in his head? And just what was going on here?

A banging on the bathroom door made him jump, and Fukasaku called out, "Hurry it up, boy! If you're even a second late for the Great Lord Elder's summons, I'll make you train so hard you'll turn into a toad statue!"


Several minutes later, Jiraiya had washed his face, dressed himself, and sprinted into the chamber wherein the Great Lord elder sat lounged upon his great throne. His eyes were opaque and webbed with cataracts, but the Great Lord Elder was not overly bothered by his blindness. How could he be, when he possessed the ability to peer into the future?

The Great Lord Elder gave a tired sigh and shuffled slightly, readjusting his body as he noticed Jiraiya, who was kneeling before him, and Fukasaku, who maintained a respectful distance.

"Who are you again?" The giant toad asked curiously, scratching at his chin.

Jiraiya, who was used to this, simply said, "It is I, Jiraiya, apprentice to Master Fukasaku. I have come at your request, Great Lord Elder."

"Ah, yes, of course." There was a pregnant pause, and then- "Wait, a moment, why did I summon you again?"

It was a good thing Jiraiya's face was downturned, as the Great Lord Elder's question caused his eyes to pop.

'This old toad is going senile!' Jiraiya thought, 'and why on earth am I here? What's going on?'

"Ah, yes, of course, now I remember," The Great Lord Elder Toad grumbled, "Jiraiya, you are nearing the end of your training. You have come far as a Toad Sage, perhaps farther than any other human being in history. However, there is one last thing you must do before you can become a Toad Sage in full."

"What is it I must do, Great Lord Elder?"

"You must travel into the Great Toad Forest, wherein you will meet a hermit toad by the name of Shuma. He will initiate you, and make you one of us."

"W-Wait just a minute," Jiriaya was on his feet in a flash, "I don't want to be a toad! No way!"

A hard fist on the top of his head drove Jiraiya back down onto one knee, and he found Fukasaku on his shoulder.

"You will not actually become a toad, you fool! This ceremony is an important part of our culture! It is a right of passage for all toads who come of age- the fact that Great Lord Elder is putting you to this test means that he acknowledges you as one of our own!"

Jiraiya blinked the stinging out of his eyes and rubbed the top of his head where the old toad had struck him, saying, "T-thank you very much for this chance to prove myself, Great Lord Elder!"

"Be warned, boy, that this is not a test for the faint of heart. You will be in considerable peril… but if you pass this test, you will be known as one of us- a Toad Sage in full."


As Jiraiya rushed about his room, throwing clothes into a pack, and choosing which of his most prized possessions he should bring along for his journey, he could not help but wonder about earlier. He had been so sure that moment underwater, where he had been an old man in agonizing pain, was real. He could still feel the burning in his lungs as they cried out for air, and the pain all along his spine. Oddly enough, he could also feel a great amount of satisfaction, and a terrible sadness that ate away at his gut like an icy maw.

Shaking his head, Jiraiya finished packing, and met Shima and Fukasaku by the door. He scooped them both into a hug before placing them back by the threshold and making for the Great Toad Forest, where he would undergo his initiation.


Author's Notes:

Guess who watched 471/500 episodes of Naruto? This guy.

That's right, I'm back for the first time in a lil while with a story I wrote... probably around the last time I posted. It was super rough so I threw on a new coat of paint and shipped it out. This is a nice lil Jiraiya/Tsunade Fanfic because I guess I just needed a way to cope with the Toad Sage's demise.

Here's some music to bop

Sweater Weather-The Neighborhood

Circles-Eden

Swamp2-Sewerperson