Kaeya's not coming.

His patience thinning, his fingers loudly drummed the bar's countertop. He ignored the customers' curious glances thrown his way.

Kaeya usually sat himself in front of the bar to have a drink and talk to him. However, the bar was already closing and there was still no sign of the troublesome man. Diluc had also searched in vain for him around the city. And the reason for Kaeya's absence the whole day was painstakingly obvious.

He let out a resigned sigh. "Charles, I'm just going to head outside for some air."

"Sure thing, Master Diluc."

It was moonless night and the streets were relatively quiet. Diluc went behind Angel's Share where he could be left alone with his thoughts. He leaned his back against the wall, his fingers tracing his mouth. He recalled the moment their lips touch and a lightness bubbled up inside him. The kiss tasted of wine and of happier times. However, the sense of peace he felt mocked him now. Maybe it was too soon to hope that something between them had changed after last night.

Diluc felt like he was back to where he started, walking on egg shells around Kaeya, hoping he wouldn't scare him off.

He stared unseeingly at the night sky. He thought of the small, malnourished child close to his age whom his father had introduced to him. One eye covered, and one eye staring at him warily.

He and his father did their best to get close to Kaeya. It was a struggle at first. Sometimes the shy child would balk at the overwhelming affection, and sometimes he would see the same child watching his father and him with painful longing.

Now, Kaeya's doing it again. Pulling away when he wanted so much to do the opposite.

"I just miss you, Luc… But being served a drink or two by you would have to be enough," Kaeya's words echoed in his mind. It was the most honest Kaeya had been with Diluc in years.

At the time, Diluc was almost rendered speechless by the tender feelings Kaeya's words evoked, the memories of other times when Diluc had seen that vulnerability come through. It was that same vulnerability that made Diluc naively fall in love with lonely boy hiding behind the façade of charm and confidence. It was a side of him only Diluc was privy to—which he was gullible enough to not even question.

Kaeya was a multi-faceted gem, with some sides of him that charmed people and some sides that unnerved Diluc even when they were children. There was this sense of otherness from Kaeya to which Diluc learned to turn a blind eye. The young and sheltered Ragnivindr did not want to be reminded of Kaeya's cruel life before being his father's ward. Diluc conveniently ignored this grimmer side of Kaeya, clinging to an idealized image, boxing up and ignoring parts he found confusing with no further desire to learn more. So when Kaeya faced him with inescapable truth, he felt like he had lost his last tether to the ground after his whole world had been shaken with the death of his father.

All he could recall was the disturbing expression on his sworn friend and lover's face while his father's life faded. Looking back, he knew that one moment didn't signify Kaeya's apathy regarding his father's death but rather the opposite. A defense mechanism from an overwhelming grief which stemmed from a place Diluc knew nothing about, or did not care to know.

Images of their emotional battle haunted Diluc. He had meant to finish off Kaeya, but at the same time he didn't. He was relieved… glad that he didn't. Horrified by what he had almost done, he decided to leave. Inasmuch as he couldn't trust his former friend and lover, he also couldn't trust himself.

During the four years he had been gone, he had joined an underground intelligence network and used his connections to protect Monstadt from a distance. But truth be told, all he was doing was running away from his own guilt and remorse.

Diluc hated the feeling of vulnerability rocking him to his core. So he lied and convinced himself that he hated Kaeya. Rejected the feeling of want and longing whenever he thought of the man. However, the loneliness clawed deeper and deeper into his flesh until he could no longer deny how much he missed his home.

How much he yearned for Kaeya.

The two of them were now on their way to relearn each other and Diluc was careful not to push for anything more than what he believed they were both ready to accept. However, Kaeya flipped everything on his head again. He just realized how out of depth he was at trying to understand Kaeya.

"Master Crepus didn't know. He would've hate me… If he knew... *hic* he'd hate me…" Diluc remembered Kaeya slurring drunkenly in his passed out state. "Even Diluc…"

Something heavy dropped at the pit of his stomach. He wondered how other people would rebuild a broken home. For a moment he believed their emotional distance was too great to close.

"I just miss you, Luc…"

The flame of hope in Diluc's chest from Kaeya's drunken confession was a candlelight in the midst of the abyss. But their kiss left an intense blaze in his heart that left him breathless and thinking: How did I think I could live without this for so long?

Diluc had been mulling over what he really wanted for a long time now. What little hope he had hadn't been enough to quell the doubts but it was enough to solidify his decision.

He just hoped Kaeya would meet him halfway.