Author's Notes: Our beloved couple had many missed opportunities to understand one other better. So much time was wasted in unhappiness when just one conversation could have changed everything between them. I was inspired to write this story by the song, "At Last" by Etta James. Here are the lyrics:
At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Ooh yeah, yeah
At last, the skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you
I found a dream, that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Ohh yeah yeah
You smile
You smile
Oh and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At last
At Last …..
John Thornton was a busy man. The business of running a cotton mill was never-ending. As was the ache in his heart for the woman he loved more than anything or anyone else in his life. Margaret Hale had shown John that there was so much more to life than his cotton mill and his family. She awakened feelings in him that he had never experienced before. John felt his life was meaningless without her, so he worked long hours to the point of exhaustion to avoid the emptiness of his life without hope of ever making her his wife.
Three months ago, she had spurned his proposal and rejected him most vehemently. She did not believe him when he told her he loved her. The whole proposal had gone wrong almost from the moment he began speaking. John admittedly did not present himself well, and Margaret had misunderstood his motivation for proposing to her from the beginning. If he could go back and do things differently, he would.
If she would just give him a sign, he would try to woo her and court her properly this time. He would make her understand how much she meant to him. However, since the day of the disastrous proposal, she was shy and uncomfortable in his presence. She was always courteous, but her eyes darted around, or she cast them downward as if she could not bear to look directly at him.
John took lessons in the classics with Mr. Hale, Margaret's father, but it hurt to be around her. Still, he endured it because it was better than not seeing her. He had told her on the disastrous day of the failed proposal, that he loved her and would love her always. If she would not welcome his attention, he would bestow kindness upon her parents. He brought fruit that he had chosen himself for her dying mother. He supported Richard Hale as a friend while Maria was nearing the end of her life.
To an onlooker, he appeared to ignore Margaret when they were in the same room together, but John was very aware of her at every moment. He noticed the scent of her soap when she served him tea, he took note of her appearance, and when she was not looking, he would gaze longingly upon at her. He loved her deeply, and he ached for her. Still, he kept his feelings hidden because she had made her feelings clear to him. His love for her was unwelcomed and unwanted.
John was convinced that Margaret did not understand who he was. She saw him as a stern and steely mill master. Little did she know that he had a tender heart beneath that forbidding exterior, and that heart beat solely for her.
Margaret was miserable in John's presence because she realized she had made a mistake in rejecting John, but she had no idea how to fix the situation. He was so cold to her that she did not believe he really loved her. She longed for the two of them to have a conversation, any conversation, but he never directly spoke to her any longer.
How she wished she could tell him that she regretted the harshness of her words the day he had offered his heart to her. Margaret had not been ready to be engaged, but she would have been willing to get to know him better. His timing had been all wrong, and he had lost his temper with her. The conversation took a turn from bad to worse and Margaret had said cruel things she did not mean. She saw the hurt she had inflicted with her words on his face and heard it in his voice.
Now, there was little hope of them ever finding their way to one another. Her heart ached.
John was a shy man. His mother and his sister were always trying to match John with several Milton ladies, especially Miss Latimer. Over the years, he had tolerated it, but none of those ladies ever caught his eye or held any interest for him. The older he got, the less patience he had for it. He was a grown man, and yet the ladies in his family treated him like he was a boy incapable of making his own choices without their input.
It made going home each evening almost unbearable at times. His mother had been willing to accept Margaret if she had become his wife, but now she hated her with a passion. The more she hated Margaret, the more he loved his beloved angel. There was no woman to compare to her on God's green earth. For him, it was Margaret or nobody. He would love her for the rest of his life.
To avoid going home, at the end of the day, John took a solitary walk each evening. He thought of Her. Margaret. He longed for her so much that his heart physically ached. He thought of her without restraint during these walks, and it was a relief after trying to keep thoughts of her at bay while he worked.
This evening, John walked through the graveyard. The sun had not yet set, and there were few people out. John felt the need to visit his father's grave. What he would not give to be able to talk to him about Margaret! Surely, his father would have advice to help John navigate this painful journey. He had long ago let go of his anger toward his father for ending his own life and thrusting John into the role of provider for the family at the tender age of 14. John lamented that his only close male friend was Margaret's father, Richard Hale. He certainly could not go to him for advice.
When John arrived at the grave site, he was surprised to see the familiar brown coat and dismal brown hat that belonged to Miss Hale. She had laid fresh flowers on his father's grave and had bent her head to pray. she stood there for a few minutes more before turning to leave.
She gasped in surprise to see John. "Mr. Thornton!"
"What brings you to my father's grave, Miss Hale?" He did his best to keep all emotion hidden from her.
"I discovered his grave site several weeks ago while walking through the cemetery. I stop by here every day to pray for your father, just as I pray for my mother."
"But why? You never met him." John was confused.
"He was your father. I suppose I wanted to honor him as I do Mama. It comforts me to speak to him, Mr. Thornton."
"Comforts you? Why is that Miss Hale?"
Margaret swallowed hard. She would have to be brave in this moment if she had any hope of setting things right with Mr. Thornton.
"Because I have so many regrets about the two of us, Mr. Thornton. We are very good at misunderstanding each other. I want to understand you better, but we never speak anymore. I find myself missing our disagreements because at least we were talking to each other."
Margaret took a deep breath before continuing, and John noticed that she was very nervous.
"Mr. Thornton, can we please speak from our hearts instead of speaking in anger?"
John said, "I spoke to you from my heart once before and that did not work out so well."
Margaret winced and felt her heart lurch, "Please forgive me, Mr. Thornton, for how I spoke to you that day. I was wrong to do so! I regretted my words the moment you left the room. When I think back on our conversation that day, I am filled with regret and shame. It is a great honor for a man to offer his heart as you did. I wish we had just sat down together and talked about what you wanted and what I might have needed at that moment."
John was incredulous. Could it be that she had changed her mind about him?
"But Miss Hale, what about the other man? I cannot forget what I saw at Outwood Station."
"As I have told you many times, things are not as they appear. The only man I have embraced who was not family, is you on the day of the riots. Family. That is all I can tell you. You will have to trust me and believe in the woman you know me to be."
John wanted to believe her. He desperately wanted to believe her.
"I saw you in his arms, Miss Hale, after dark. Everyone in Milton gossips that you have a lover."
Margaret bristled, "Then everyone in Milton believes a lie! I am not wanton, Mr. Thornton. I know that you believe I am because you withdrew your "foolish passions" shortly after the Outwood Station incident. Your perception is that I am lacking in moral character, but I can assure you that I am not the woman the small-minded and vindictive tittle-tattles of Milton make me out to be!"
"I have seen Miss Latimer take your arm, and I have seen you walk out with her. People believe that you have an attachment to her. Are the gossips right?"
John was aghast! "No, absolutely not! I am not so fickle that I could love someone else! Surely, you know that?"
"Just as you surely know that I could not be wanton?"
John and Margaret stood there, each looking directly into the other's eyes. Each trying to read what the other was thinking.
After a few moments of staring at each other, John spoke his truth, "I was jealous, Miss Hale. I wanted to be the one holding you in my arms. You looked at him so tenderly."
Margaret understood how he felt, "And I wanted to be the one walking with you and holding your arm. I was jealous, too. I wondered how you could tell me that you would love me always and then almost right away, start courting her. You never courted me, Mr. Thornton, or even asked me to walk out with you."
John could hardly believe what she was saying. Could it be possible that she might love him, too?
Her words encouraged him, so he asked, "Miss Hale, dare I hope that we could begin again?"
"Yes, I would like that, Mr. Thornton."
John offered her his arm, "May I escort you home, Miss Hale? It will soon be dark."
Margaret took his arm, and the two of them conversed pleasantly on the way to Crampton.
When they arrived, Richard invited John in for supper. John happily accepted because he would get to spend precious time with Margaret. Richard led John to the study, and Margaret left them to help Dixon in the kitchen.
John realized that this unexpected time alone with Richard was his opportunity to ask Richard's permission to court Margaret.
"Mr. Hale, I need to speak to you about your daughter."
Richard nodded for John to continue.
"I love Margaret very much, and I have for months. I would like to ask for your permission to court her."
"John, are you sure Margaret would agree to a courtship? I was not under the impression that she had tender feelings for you."
John smiled, and replied, "I believe that her feelings have changed, and yes, I think she will agree to it."
"I would welcome you as a son into our family since I am assuming that you asked to court her with the intention to marry my daughter. Margaret is still mourning her mother. It is still too early for her to go out to social events and feel comfortable, I believe. You may go for walks and spend time together in our home or at your home with your mother as a chaperone."
John was thrilled, and anxious to talk with his beloved. Surely she would accept him this time.
"Of course, Mr. Hale and thank you. I want to assure you that I will always take care of Margaret."
Margaret appeared at the doorway and asked the men to come to the dining room for supper. She smiled shyly at John.
John seated her at the table, and then took a seat across from her. He was thrilled to be sharing a meal with her and enjoying the conversation. He wanted nothing more than to share his life with her and every evening could be like this one.
John would look back on that simple supper that night at the Hale home as one of the most important and special nights of his life. The food was delicious, but it was the company that mattered most. He was soon to become a member of this family, or so he hoped.
He loved the Hale home, humble as it was. The dining room was filled with candlelight and there were flowers gracing the table. The whole atmosphere was warm and inviting. He loved the feminine touches that he was sure Margaret would bring to the mill house. He looked forward to coming home to his darling girl each night. He was getting ahead of himself he knew, but he was becoming even more confident as the evening progressed.
After dinner, Richard told the two of them to meet him at the study. He had a book in his room he wanted to get.
John took Margaret's hands in both of his and knelt down before her, "Margaret, I love you very much. I believe I have loved you from the first moment I met you because of your spirit, your compassion for others, and your independent nature. Will you do the honor of allowing me to court you?"
Margaret could not have imagined this very morning that this conversation would ever take place. Her prayers had been answered.
"Yes, I will accept your offer of courtship, with all of my heart, I accept."
Richard paused at the door, and felt his eyes fill with tears of gratitude. John was like a second son for him. His daughter would marry a good man who loved her.
He cleared his throat, and the couple broke apart.
Richard reached his hand to John, and said, "John, I could not trust my daughter to a better man."
John and Margaret sat together on the settee and Richard took his normal chair. The conversation flowed easily, but John knew the hour was growing late, and he needed to get home. His mother would wonder where he was. He stayed a short while longer, not wanting to leave his Margaret.
Richard asked Margaret to see John to the door. John took both of her hands in his. He kissed both of her hands and then, he kissed her cheek softly. Margaret blushed furiously. This was her first kiss from a man other than family, and it was wonderful!
John lifted his head to look at her in wonder. This amazing and beautiful woman was now his Margaret.
Margaret was gazing back at his handsome face. This dear and handsome was her John now.
"Please bend down a bit, John." He did as she asked, and she rewarded him with a kiss of her own and whispered in his ear. I love you, John Thornton."
John was touched by this show of affection from her and her declaration of love. He let go of her hands and took her in his arms. He whispered softly, "Margaret"
She whispered back, "John."
He drew her closer and touched his lips to hers. How wonderful it felt to finally hold her in his arms and to feel her body close to his.
They could have stood like that for hours. John reminded himself that someday, they would spend their nights together, and he reluctantly took his leave of her.
John felt like he floated the two miles home. His heart was full, and his future was looking brighter than it ever had. Margaret would be his wife. He vowed to court Margaret properly and to not press her to set a date for the wedding right now. Tomorrow, he would buy her a ring, and present it to her as a symbol of their love.
His lonely days were over. He had her love, and just as he had dreamed, she was finally his. At last.
