Bat Crazy

"Well this is just a perfect way to spend a Saturday night." Gloria groaned as she paced the basement floor. "Stuck in my room, with Cricket, on a stormy night, and the power's off!"

"Could be worse." Bill chimed unhelpfully with a nervous chuckle as the sounds of the bat smacking against walls and knocking things off their shelves rang outside the door. "Could be another blood moon."

"No, because if it was another blood moon, I'd have ended up tied up somehow!" Gloria pinched the space between her brows with another groan as she half heartedly punched the wall. She didn't exactly have a whole lot planned, but she was totally considering visiting that new taco place!

"Oh heh right, sorry about that, again….."

"Urgh, Why doesn't Tilly just use her animal mind control powers or whatever." Chip inquired as he hugged his arms, drops of water from the 'occasionally' leaking pipes plopping onto his head every so often.

"Afraid that won't work." Tilly admitted with a headshake. "Not every animal can be tamed by Tilly. Snakes, Bats, chihuahuas…we'll just have to wait until Mr. Bat flies out on his own."

"Urghhh that could take all night!" Gloria groaned.

"What I wanna know is who left the dang door open!" Gramma roared from the corner as she waved her cane around like a mad man, barely missing Chip's shins as the former ceo silently backed away.

"I don't know…" Gloria hummed as Tilly bumped into her in the blinding darkness. "But if I had to take a wild guess-Cricket."

Cricket jumped as he caught sight of the fingers pointed in his direction. "Oh c'mon! Why do y'all always assume it's me!"

"Cause it usually is." Everyone replied simultaneously.

Cricket dramatically placed his hand against his forehead, tutting at them. "Convicted with no evidence what a shame….also just a quick reminder, last time we had a problem with someone locking a door it was all ole Daddio's doing."

"Hey!" Mr. Green defended, with a hurt look. "I said I was sorry."

"Doesn't change the fact you did it." Cricket shrugged. "Meanwhile I have a spotless record when it comes to closing doors."

"What about that time you forgot to lock up and we had all our coffee beans stolen?" Gloria asked, flattening her gaze.

Cricket blushed. "Oh, hehehe, well I-aherm-thought you forgot about that…."

"Typical Cricket," Chip whispered to Tilly with an elbow bump.

"You're one to talk." Cricket spun around, shining his flashlight in Chip's direction. "I'll bet it was you, who left the door open!"

"Oh sure, blame it on the new guy." Chip shot back with an eye roll. "I'll have you know I never once forgot to lock the store up, you know why? Cause you don't get employee of the month thirteen years in a row just by being the manager who decides who gets employee of the month"

Gloria blinked. "I'm pretty sure that's exactly how you get it."

"And how do we know it wasn't you!?" Cricket jeered, as he spun back around to Gloria.

Gloria blinked, again. "What?"

"Maybe you're just acting annoyed so that no one suspects it was you who left the front door open!"

"Cricket I appreciate that you think my acting is that good, but trust me. This-" Gloria shined the light of her phone against her stress lines. "Is all real."

"Yeesh, you could really stand to borrow my moisturizer." Chip suggested, patronizingly.

"Gee, thanks." Gloria replied with a sarcastic glare.

"Perhaps it was whoever came in last?" Tilly proposed, just as she accidentally walked into the wall again.

"Hmm," Gramma buzzed with a narrowing look. "So who was the last to come in?"

"Weeelll, I know I came in first because I got the watering done early, Tilly came in next when she was done playing with Anush, Gloria and Chip were pretty much inside the whole day, Ma came in when she finished her quilting out on the porch, so the last person to come in was..Cricket!" Bill accused with a finger point.

"No! Fallacy! I came in first." Cricket cried. "I snuck in to play BattleWars with Tilly while you thought I was 'going to fetch more fertilizer'."

"You did what?" Bill asked with his hands sternly planted on his hips.

"Not the time Dad," Cricket crossed his arms. "Point is, you're wrong. I was the first person in so it was Gramma who left the door open!"

Gloria couldn't help ,but make the cliche gasp of shock as everyone whirled around to face the old woman.

Gramma narrowed her eyes, throwing both hands into the air. "You don't know what you're talking about boy!"

"Confess old woman!" Cricket pressed hysterically.

"Never!" Gramma yelled as she started to beat the walls with her cane. "I ain't going down without a fight!"

With that declaration the whole group broke out into inane bickering.


Chip side stepped over to Tilly as everyone continued to argue, twisting the girl back around as she attempted to yet again walk herself into another wall. "Okay, besides me you're the most put together person here. What do we do?"

Tilly shrugged, scratching her head. "Maybe we could try to catch the bat ourselves, all we would need is a strong enough pillowcase."

Chip hummed. "That could work ,but I also kinda like having bat free hair so how do we…" He trailed off as he looked over around the basement and spotted a stack of Gloria's sun hats she was 'saving for Paris' sitting in the corner.


"Okaaaaaay" Gloria vaguely heard Chip say as she continued her shouting match with Cricket. "Y'all have fun in crazy town. We've got a bat to catch."

Out the corner of her eye, Gloria watched as Chip and Tilly slowly backed up the basement stairs and, wait were those her sunhats-

"And another thing!" Cricket yelled, interrupting Gloria's thoughts. "It was me who used up all your water colors to dye my hair!"

"What?!"

"I wanted to experiment, okay!"


"Okay here's the plan…I don't have one ,but I once chased a raccoon out of the Wholesome Foods bakery with nothing ,but an old broom and a squirt gun. So this should be a piece of cake."

Tilly hummed as she stayed low to the floor, gripping the pillow case. "You really think so?"

"Totally," Chip replied with a flagrant hand wave as he ducked behind the wall separating the living room and the kitchen. "Everyone knows bats are just skinnier raccoons…with wings."

Tilly hadn't known that, but she nodded her head anyway.

"All we gotta do is sneak up on it and wham! Stuff it in the pillow case." Chip explained as he quietly led them both into the question.

"The hard part'll be finding the-"

"Duck!"

"No, bat remember? Get it together Till-Ah!" Chip shrieked, dropping his flashlight as the bat swooped down and latched onto his face. He crashed against the kitchen counter in the struggle before sinking to the floor a few seconds later.

Tilly's eyes widened as she quickly dashed towards them with the pillowcase.

Just as she got close though, the bat hissed at her and took off again into the shadows again.

"Okay," Chip panted as he continued to lay sprawled out on the floor, his face more scratched than a cat post. "Maybe we do need a plan."

Tilly hummed. "If we could just get it to stay still for a minute we'd be able to trap it."

Chip pursed his lips. "Wait, what do bats eat?"

Tilly shrugged. "Fruit, I think."

"Worth a shot." Chip proclaimed as he shot upright. "To the fridge!"


"Okay this should be enough right?" Chip asked, gesturing to the trail of bananas, apples,peaches, and whatever else they could find scattered throughout the house.

"I think so." Tilly agreed politely. "Now we just wait."

"Got it." Chip nodded as they crouched behind the couch like a shield.


"Urghhhhhhhhh this is taking forever!" Chip pouted as he turned back to Tilly.

Tilly sighed. They had been sitting there for over half an hour. "Perhaps I was wrong about the fruit…."

"Well what else could they possibly eat?"

Tilly crossed her legs in concentration. "I think I read somewhere that some bats actually eat bugs."

"But, we don't have any bugs." Chip complained, throwing his hands in the air.

Technically they did, but Bessica the beatle and Serena the spider were part of the family, they'd have to go with the next best thing.

"No, but I'm pretty sure Papa still has the lady bug costumes me and him wore for Halloween two years ago in his room."

Chip arched a brow, blinking rapidly like he hadn't heard her right. "You're kidding right?"

"Do you have any better ideas?" Tilly asked earnestly.


Chip moaned louder than a blue whale as they crept down the hall, the plastic antennas strapped to his headband bouncing with every step.

Unfortunately Tilly couldn't find her black spandex and Dad's were too big for Chip so their get up wasn't entirely convincing ,but it would have to do.

"Here batty, batty, come and get these nice, juicy ladybugs, ripe for the taking." Chip sarcastically baited, throwing his arms out in a fictitious, flirty gesture.

Tilly hummed, adjusting the armholes of her plastic wings as she sat atop Chip's shoulders. "Yep, us delicious, abnormally large and definitely not a pair of humans in disguise, ladybugs."

"Bit on the nose, don't you think?" Chip asked sardonically as they neared the end of the hallway. "Ugh this isn't working either. It's been twenty minutes there's no way-"

Tilly's eyes widened as she happened to look down that exact moment, and there beneath the shadow of Chip's fake wings was the bat.

"-should just call animal control at this poi-"

"Chip."

"What?" He barked as he put his hands on his hips, causing the bat to tense.

"Don't. Move."

"What are you tal-" Chip cut himself off as he looked over his shoulder and caught a glimpse of the bat. His eyes widened, as a frightful little "Meep." escaped him.

Tilly narrowed her eyes, readying the pillowcase. "It's go time."

With that she pounced for the bat, only to have it slice right through the pillow case and dive for Chip's face again as Tilly crashed to the floor.

"Whoops." She winced as she looked up and saw the unfolding carnage.


"And you know what else I-" Gramma suddenly paused, as if choking on her words. "I uh, I forgot what we were arguing about."

"Pft, well I-" Cricket arms slowly uncrossed. "I think I forgot too…"

"Me too." Gloria admitted with a sigh. "All I know is all the yelling, really tired me out."

Bill sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah me too. I suppose playing the blame game got us nowhere ,but sore throats huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Gloria hugged her arms. "I just, it's hard to admit wrong in this-whatever we are at this point. Too many people to rub it in your face."

"You wound me Gloria." Cricket said. "When have I ever taken the opportunity to rub your mistakes in your or anyone else's fac-okay yeah I see your point you can stop giving that look!"

Gloria groaned, relaxing her glare.

Bill pursed his lips to the side of his mouth as he came to stand beside Gloria. "You're right Gloria, we're…alot sometimes."

"Speak for yourself." Gramma cut in sarcastically.

Bill gave his mother an exasperated look before turning back to Gloria. "And, maybe we all have to be careful that no one feels more attacked, than protected in this- how did you say it Gloria? Whatever we are at this point?"

Gloria smiled. "Yeah, couldn't have said it better myself."

"So what we're saying is we all agree it was totally Gloria and not me who left the door ope-"

"Cricket!" Gramma,Bill, and Gloria shouted.

Cricket looked ready to defend himself again, when the sound of tossing and tumbling from above caught everyone's attention.

Everyone crowded against each other as the sound got closer to the door.

"Speaking of protecting…" Bill trailed off as Gramma raised her cane and Cricket readied his fists for battle.

Everything went deadly quiet for a second, then the basement door burst open and-

Oh it was just Chip. A very scratched up Chip in a ladybug costume (for some reason?), but definitely Chip.

"HA!" The former ceo cackled, puffing his panting chest out as he proudly pointed to the squirming bundle hanging from his grip. "Who's laughing now you stupid bat?! Oh yeah that's right ME! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Yep, definitely Chip.

"Is that one of my sun hats?" Gloria barked disappointedly, already knowing it was.

"Sorry, Gloria. The pillowcase was too thin." Tilly apologized as she came to stand beside Chip, who still had yet to quit laughing maniacally.

Gloria sighed. "It's okay, really. Thank y'all for catching the bat."

Tilly smiled charmingly. "No problem."

"Honestly it was almost too easy." Chip bragged as he leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms. "Once we-"

Tilly's eyes widened at the same time everyone else's did.

"Uh Chip you just dropped the- "

"AHHHH NOT AGAIN!" The blonde screeched as the bat smashed itself into his face.

Gloria sighed throughout the night as they all worked together to catch it again, repeating the lesson they learned in her head lest she get the urge to mock Chip.

Which was, very tempting given that by the end of it they ran out of the regular bandages and his face had to be bandaged with Tilly's kitten band aids.

They never did find out who left the door open though…


Nancy sighed happily as she finished her Biker's Weekly Magazine, mind drumming with a million different thoughts as she looked out at the cloudy sky.

"Say, did I remember to close the front door when I dropped off Cricket's overnight bag at the house earlier?" Her silly boy always forgot to take it back home after he and Tilly slept over.

Nancy shrugged a second later. "Eh, even if I didn't, I'm sure someone got it."