Hi :)
Your going in blind from her;)
"That's it Kid. Either you're eating your food right now or I'm going to stuff it down your throat. Your choice."
The thread was coming from one pissed Jason Hayes. He was standing right in front of the hospital bed. Arms crossed and eyes unyielding starring at his youngest teammate.
The Kid had managed to land himself in the hospital, again. Shows out lying about not having the flu. Disobeying orders and running into a tunnel after a fleeting target, alone, getting stabbed -sorry cut- with an old rusty knife and then not telling anyone about it, was a bad idea. A really bad idea. -some might even say it was one of the worst ideas he'd ever had, in his short time of being on Bravo.- Jason definitely seemed to think so.
Some might've argued with that, had Bravo six not ended up in a hospital bed. Everyone in DEVGRU knew Bravo's Kid had a habit of getting himself mixed into sticky situations, but usually he got out again with only minor scratches.
This time however, not so much. The short version. The flu developed into a mild case of pneumonia. The knife wound showed out to not be "Just a scratch." Which resulted in Trent being able to add blood loss to the list of his little brothers injuries. Along with infection. Dehydration. Bruises. What was actual scratches. And all the symptoms that might follow with those injuries. Oh yeah, also a broken pinky toe. Don't ask how. Nobody knows.
All that, plus a very high fever, that had them all worried beyond words.
However, after days of being unconscious or incoherent with a fever muddled mind, Bravo's rookie was finally fully awake, clear minded and coherent. To Jason and the rest of Bravo's great relief.
The Kid had woken fully up yesterday noon and not long after did Jason send the team home. They where under orders to stay away for the next twenty four hours, which had earned Bravos team leader a lot of complaints. But Jason had stood his ground, promising to let them know if anything happened. In the end they'd reluctantly left.
Jason himself had of course stayed. Though, now he wished he'd given that task to Ray or Trent. One of them would probably have had better luck with The Kid. The two of them always seemed to be better to understand and communicate with the team rookie, than he was ever gonna be. Hell, somedays it seemed like even Brock or Sonny were better at talking with their kid brother, than him. At times Davis and Blackburn, too.
Jason didn't know why, the two of them just always seemed to end up being at each other's throat.
Jason's current problem was that since waking up yesterday, his rookie had refused to eat. Which is acceptable the first day. The second day, not so much.
So now, Jason was trying to stare his troublesome youngster down. However the man on the other end of the stare, just crossed his arms and scowled back at him.
Jason send him, his best Jason Hayes glare. The one that could get even solid rock to yield. The young man before him, couldn't help but flinch either. Breaking eye contact, The Kid looked down. Still refusing to as much as touch, the tray of food in front of him.
"For god's sake. All I'm asking of you is to at least take a bite." Jason raised his voice. Hands thrown frustrated in the air.
"And all I'm asking is that you leave me alone." Bravo six bit back. "Doesn't seem like any of us is getting what we want. Does it?"
"Eat your food." Jason growled. When the tray stayed untouched, he barked. "That was an order Petty Officer."
The younger man just huffed and turned his head to look the other way.
"That's it. You were warned." Jason moved forward, fast. Really fast. Before Bravo six had a chance to even register what happened, Jason had a hard grip at the back of his neck. Leaning in he whispered in a low and dangerous voice. "I've more then lost my patience with you. Either you eat something right now or I'm gonna force feed ya. Understood?"
When he received a nod Jason slowly let go. Something that showed out to be a mistake. As he straightened up, a fist connected with his left cheek, catching him off guard. Another hit him in the chest. Making him stumble back. His back collided with the wall. In less then a second he had collected, his thoughts and brought his arms up, ready to defend himself. He quickly realized he was out of The Kid's range. He also noticed, that he wasn't out of throwing range. He accurately managed to duck right before the tray with the apparently extremely offensive food collided with the wall, right where he's head had been just seconds before.
"WHAT THE FUCK, Kid." Jason lost the last of his self control. He looked furiously at his unruly subordinate.
Spenser was still sat in his bed. His body was tense, yet somehow his shoulders seemed more slumped down then usual. He was clearly having trouble breathing. But that wasn't what made Jason's anger vanish. Nope, that was his face. Every part of The Kid's face was clearly showing defiance and rebelliousness, except his eyes. While the youngster would seem insubordinate and ready to fight, in the eyes of strangers, Jason saw something completely different. He saw the feelings in The Kid's eyes.
Pain. Self blame. Guilt. Hurt. Sadness. Confusion. Shame. Despair. Self disdain. Self hatred. Hopelessness.
He saw the the sea of mixed feelings in his teammate. He saw the plea for help. And he couldn't stay angry, not when his kid needed help.
Jason lowered his hands. Slowly he approached the hospital bed, carefully sitting down on the edge.
Bravo Six turned his head away again.
"I'm not hungry, Jase. Please just leave." His voice was so small and... and... and broken. The realization almost broke Jason's heart, too.
"Look at me, Kid." Jason instructed. Once again his orders went ignore. Tenderly he reached out a hand, taking The Kid by his chin. His grip was gentle but still insisting. Slowly Jason tilted his brothers head, so that he could look him in the eye. Locking gazes, Jason continued in a soft voice. "There you go. See much better."
He smiled lovingly at the younger man. Why couldn't help but quirk a lip, too.
"Kiddo I'm not gonna leave. Not until you're able to do the same. Your not just stuck in a hospital. Your stuck in a hospital with me and I'm not going anywhere. So why do you insist on doing this so much harder for the both of us? What's wrong?"
"Nothings wrong." The answer came far too quickly and far too forceful, to be true.
"Yeah and Sonny's a beauty princess." Jason said in a sarcastic voice, earning himself something he chose to take as a laugh. "Seriously what's going on in that head of yours." Jason gently tapped him on the forehead.
"Nothing, really."
Jason sighed deeply. It might just be a couple of months ago, they drafted The Kid, but Jason had quickly learned his new rookie was one of the most prideful, arrogant, stubborn, cocky -that hadn't come as a surprise to anyone- unbelievable cheeky and idiotic, persons this planet had ever had. He'd also learned that no matter what The Kid was gonna deny needing help, even if he stood with a giant neon sign saying"I need help. Please help me." Bravo Six didn't ask for help and it wasn't something you should offer. It was something you should force him to take. That was just how it was.
Jason knew they both were more stubborn and had more vanity then what was good for them. Which also resulted in them having battles of wills, far to often.
But tonight it seemed like Jason was gonna have to lose, if he wanted to win. Therefore did he do something he'd only don a handful of times in his life. He degraded himself to begging.
"Please Kid. I'm begging you, tell me what's going on. Let me help."
For a moment the younger man just stared at him, unable to believe what he heard. Here he was, a zero, an disgrace to Bravo team, too the world. Yet the legendary Jason Hayes himself, was begging to help him. He didn't understand. Would probably never be able to understand.
"Why? Why would you care?" His voice was more shaky then he would have liked.
"Why shouldn't I. Your my brother. A part of my team."
The blonde shook his head.
"No. No I'm not. I'm not a part of your team. I failed." And the tears started falling. "I failed. I failed. I failed."
Jason's heart was shattering as he listened to the sobs. He couldn't take it anymore and reached forward, wrapping his youngest brother in his arms. "Shh, Kid. Shh. You didn't fail. Shh."
He soothingly rocked The Kid back and forth in his arms, mumbling into his golden curls.
When the sound of sobbing finally quiet down, Jason gently peeled his subordinate of off his chest. "You didn't fail. Why would you even think that, Sunshine?"
"I did fail. I failed to catch the target. He got away, because I wasn't good enough." Hiccuped Six, as he wiped at his cheeks. "I failed, I don't deserve to be on Bravo."
"Of course you do. You didn't fail, you just weren't at your best. Considering you had the flu and acted like a dumbass by running into that tunnel without backup, I'm pretty impressed you didn't end up getting yourself killed."
"He still got away. I failed. I shouldn't be on Bravo team."
And a light flickered on in Jason's head.
"Kid, you don't seriously think I'd kick you of the team for such a technicality. Do you?" Jason couldn't help but hold his breath, as he searched every part of The Kid's face. Fearing he already knew the answer.
"You said it yourself. Margin of error zero."
Jason dropped his head. Oh how he hated being right.
"Do you think I'd kick one of the guys off the team, did they make a mistake?"
"No."
"Then why do you think it's different with you."
"Cause you hate me."
And Jason's heart shattered into a trillion pieces. How? How could he think that?
"No. Sunshine I need you to listen to me, and listen to me good." Jason's voice was urgent and powerful, even though it was barely above a whisper. He made sure to keep eye contact as he spoke. "I could never hate you. Yes I've been apprehensive towards you. I've been caught up in the past and been prejudicial. But never once did I hate you. And we would never kick you off the team just because of a little mistake. I need you to understand that."
There was silence for awhile. Big blue eyes starting at Jason, as they tried to comprehend and understand. Understand they weren't hated, weren't unwanted, were welcomed and maybe even loved? Cared for?
Those words seemed so strange. So foreign.
Jason gave him time to understand. All the while he tried to understand himself. Understand how The Kid could have went for months believing he was unwanted, barely accepted, disposable, of lesser worth then his brothers, hated. Jason couldn't fathom that The Kid thought of himself as disposable. As someone to be shifted out, the moment he made even the smallest mistake. And yet it all made sense. It explained why The Kid had kept them at an arms length, why he'd never let them in, isolated himself. But to Jason's great dread it also explained why The Kid always had done his upmost to be perfect, why he'd pushed himself beyond what was healthy, why he'd lied about being sick and injured, why he'd spun up with them even though he had the flu. But worst of all it explained why he always pulled those stunts, that left them all sure was gonna die.
"Kid answer me honestly. Did you believe that a part of your role on the team was if it became necessary to sacrifice yourself? Did you believe that we picked you so that you could die for us?" Jason could hear the beating of his heart. Could feel how it tried to hammer its way out of his chest. He briefly wondered how it could still be able to beat.
A small almost unnoticeable nod of a blond head and Jason was sure his world just tipped upside down.
"Your not expendable. Your not just here to die. To sacrifice yourself so that we can go home to our families. You are part of our family. Don't ever believe anything else Sunshine. You understand? Or do I need yo tattoo it on your skin, before you believe it?" It was a question and a statement, but also a threat. Don't let it ever be misunderstood that if necessary Jason would do it. He also knew his brothers would be more then willing to hold the younger man down, if required.
"I understand. Or so I think." Bravo Six's voice was raspy and rough.
"Good."
They stared awkward at each other for couple of seconds.
"Kid I know, I don't always seem to understand you, but I can't imagine a world without you in it."
"I know, boss." He said, eyes lowered to stare at his hands.
"Do you really?" They both knew the answer to that.
"No. But I hope that I one day will."
"I guess that's gonna have to be enough."
"Thanks."
Jason reached out and squeeze The Kid's knee.
"Now that you know, your never gonna be kicked off the team how about something to eat?" The small chuckle, he received made Jason smile.
"Yeah that sounds good."
"Great, then why don't we see if we can get Davis to smuggle some burgers past the nurses, huh?"
"And an ice pack."
"And an ice pack." Jason grinned.
Hi again.
So started out with me feeling sick after dinner, that got added up with the slightly masochistic side of me wanting a gut wrenching SEAL team fic, which somehow ended up with Clay and Jason whump.
Not hungry (plus) masochistic side (plus) writing (plus) SEAL team (plus) Jason Hayes (plus) Clay Spenser = Whump
Don't ask how that happened, I've never been good at math ;) Actually I'm not even sure how any of this fic happened. Definitely didn't go the way I excepted.
Well that's writing I guess, never ends as planned.
By the way, did you notice something odd in the story?
If you didn't you might wanna recheck before reading further.
Yes, your right. I don't mention Clay's first name in the story. Not at any time.
Did you notice?
Did it seem weird?
Now on to all the practicalities.
First of all disclaimer, this is a fanfiction and therefore I own nothing of it.
Yes, I'm bad at gramma and no I don't have a beta. Cause honestly don't know how they work or how to get one.
I know nothing about injuries, American hospitals nor American military. (Actually I know nothing about any military at all.) So sorry for inconsistencies.
Remember I haven't even finished season three of SEAL team, yet. So please don't spoil.
Yes, I am gonna finish Nobody's fault. Just needs to figure out what's gonna happen next, decide on a course and of course write it ;) plus publish it, obviously.
Please let me know what you thought.
I always love getting comments, favorite and follows. (By the way this is a one shot, case someone was wondering.)
Oh and tell me if you noticed the thing with Clay's first name.
Thank you for reading. Both the fanfic and authors note.
Love ;)
Uh uh uh. If your having a bad day or just wants to see a cute animal try writing "quokka" in your search machine.
;) ;) :) :)
