Beginning Notes:

I don't really know what this is...? Just angst with Craig's gang + Butters and Kenny at the end I guess :)

WARNINGS FOR: Depression, Abusive Relationships, Child Abuse, Self-Harm, Bulimia, Suicide, Mental Breakdown


The quietest people have the darkest secrets.

He learned how to be quiet. How to suppress his urges to scream out in frustration or fear. He could hold his breath. He could be as quiet as a mouse. He knew things that he wasn't supposed to know. He kept secrets he shouldn't have ever found out.

His parents always argued. At first, he would cry and scream, begging for them to stop. Then his father would hit him and tell him to shut up, making his mom yell even more. Then his dad would hit his mom and he would see the red marks on her face fade to purple and then to black. He stopped crying after that.

His mom left and he didn't cry. He didn't cry when his dad turned his anger and frustration with his mom onto him. He didn't scream when his father gave him the same marks he gave his mom. He didn't yell back when his father yelled at him. His dad told him not to tell a soul what happened in his house, that it was none of their business and that he would kill him if anyone found out.

When people asked about the bruise on his face or the cut on his arm, he didn't answer them. He kept his lips zipped for the fear of being killed. He was called into Mr. Mackey's office but he never talked to him. He pressed his lips together until they turned white and wrung his hands with one another as he learned about child abuse and negligence.

He was anxious and scared. He couldn't sleep at night for the thought of his father coming into his room at night, knife in hand kept him awake. He tugged at his messy head of hair, ripping sections out every now and then whenever it became too much for him to handle but he never made a sound.

He grew up and found things out that he never wanted to know about.

Like the time he was at Bebe's house for a sleepover and found her bent over her toilet, sticking her fingers down her throat. He froze, not knowing if she had already seen him or not. She eventually looked up at him and they locked their huge, fear-filled eyes with each other.

"Don't tell anyone Tweek." She whispered to him, clear tears running down her face as her lips glistened with salvia.

He didn't. He didn't yell for help and reveal his friend's secret. Instead, he walked over and sat beside her, rubbing her back as she continued to make herself sick, despite the fact that the scene was bound to be ridden with germs. Bebe was his friend and he didn't want her to hate him. He kept her secret.

Bebe died a year later.

Or the other time when he was sitting at lunch with Craig and their other friends. The time his eyes happened to wander down to Stan Marsh's arm where he saw skin-colored scars that were usually covered by Stan's jacket. His hand flew up to his hair and he felt his heart stop. Craig noticed this and wrapped his arm around him, knowing this was a sign that he was upset. However, Craig didn't see the scars and he couldn't tear his eyes away from Stan's blemished skin.

Eventually, Stan caught him looking at his arm. He followed his gaze to where his scars were showing and without looking back at him, pulled his sleeve back down and continued laughing at something Butters had done, like he was the happiest person in the world.

Stan killed himself, just like Bebe had.

That was in middle school. In high school, things didn't get better. He got more marks from his father by the day. His calls with his mother became less often until he had forgotten the sound of her voice. He never visited her anymore.

The feeling of the school and the people around him was melancholy and gray. Wendy often ended up talking about Bebe and then he would hold her while she cried. Wendy would tell her how she had loved Bebe and felt guilty because she never told her that. He bit his lip to keep from crying and ran his hand through her soft, silky hair. He never said a word though.

Kyle walked around, clearly miserable with Kenny and Butters while Cartman joked about how much of a pussy Stan was. He wanted to kill Cartman and he had a feeling that Kyle did too. Kyle didn't talk much anymore. He never smiled either. Stan's death had crushed him and he had had to learn just how much it hurt Kyle the hard way.

When he found Kyle sobbing in the hallway, alone one day. He really needed to stop seeing things like this. Kyle, head in his hands, his unruly ginger hair peeking out from underneath his hat, crying. Kyle was tough, he had never seen him cry before. He hadn't even cried at Stan's funeral. But not here he was, 3 years later and he could feel all his emotions pouring out of him.

He walked slowly, getting closer to him with every quiet step he took. He felt like he shouldn't be there, like it wasn't his place to confront Kyle about the way he felt. His feet didn't stop moving though and he ended up in front of him, kneeling down and putting his hand on his shoulder. Kyle flinched and his head shot up to look him in the eyes.

"What are you doing here Tweek?" He choked before breaking down into another set of tears. He just sat down and wrapped his arms around him, forcing back his own tears.

He missed Stan too.

The group he was in got smaller. Kyle moved away, Cartman decided he was too good for them, and joined a new group and Jason died. He got hit by a car while they were playing football. He blocks the memory of sharing a horrified look with Butters from his memory. Jason had been one of his best friends. He didn't say how he felt about his death, just like he hadn't said anything about Stan's or Bebe's. He comforted Clyde, instead.

Now it was just himself, Craig, Clyde, Token, and Jimmy. Kenny and Butters choose to hang out on their own. They had been a part of Stan's exclusive group and were upset to realize it had fallen apart.

He remembers the boy he had met in the 10th grade, Brad. No one had liked Brad and now that he thinks about it, Brad had been a jerk. He was tall and muscular, with beach blonde hair and hazel eyes. He was the captain of the football team and kept the dumb jock stereotype alive. He goofed off in class and shoved the kids he called nerds into lockers. He was buddies with Cartman and hated everyone else. Besides him.

He always watched him like a hawk watched its prey. Token and Clyde would point out how he was staring at him and he would blush and hide his face in a book. Craig would scoff and roll his eyes, wrapping his arm around his waist and bringing him to his side, protectively. Craig would kiss him and flip Brad off, making him feel wanted while Brad made him feel used.

"Hey, twink." Brad came up to him one day. They had never spoken before, nor did he want to speak with him. He was alone in the hallway, having stopped by his locker before he went outside to walk home with Craig and Jimmy. He ignored Brad, hurrying to gather his things.

"Don't ignore me." Brad hissed, slamming his locker door shut so Tweek couldn't pretend he hadn't seen him.

He watched him in slow motion as Brad bent down, bringing his hand to his face so he could cup his cheek as he pressed his lips onto his. It wasn't right but he was too shocked to react. Craig was the only one who was allowed to kiss him. His friends were the only ones who were allowed to touch him. Yet his dad hit him and Brad was kissing him.

Brad lick his bottom lip with his tongue and he snapped out of his trance. He furrowed his eyebrows and frowned, separating his lips from Brad's. He pushed Brad off of him and into a locker, making him grateful they were the only people in the hallway when Brad crashed into the metal with a bang.

He stared straight ahead at Brad. He wanted to scream and hit him just like his dad did to him but he didn't. He wanted to tell him to stay away and he wanted to run out to Craig to tell him what happened. He wanted to cry.

But he didn't do any of those things. He didn't want to hurt people like his dad hurt him and his mom. He didn't want to make Craig worry or get him into trouble because Craig would insist on beating Brad up and Clyde, Token and Jimmy would want in on him too. He didn't want to cry because crying was admitting that there was something wrong.

He turned and ran down the hallway, out of the school doors, and down the stairs, passing by all the students with a whoosh. He passed by his friends and ignored their calls to him. He ran until he couldn't see the school anymore but then he only ran faster. He ran until his feet burned and he couldn't breathe. He ran home and slammed the door shut behind him, sliding down against it and sitting down on the floor of his house, attempting to catch his breath. He couldn't though and the world around him turned black as his head crashed to the floor.

The next thing he felt was pain.

He opened his eyes slowly and then they shot open just in time to see the pattern on the bottom of his dad's shoe collide with his face. He tasted the metallic taste of blood in his mouth and saw the blurry crazed expression of his father. The burning pain was too much and he the tension left his body again.

The next thing he remembers is waking up in his bed, the sound of his alarm going off ringing inside his head. He tried to remember how he had gotten there but his mind is fuzzy and his head hurts too much to think. He tries to get out of bed but his legs give out on him once his feet touch the floor.

He manages though. He's confused as to how it got there but he wipes the dried blood off his face and bandages what he needs. He reminds himself to breathe even though his lungs hurt and he still can't remember what happened the previous day. He gets dressed and tugs on his hair, twitching frequently.

He goes to school and feels all eyes on him. He saw how he looks and he knows it's concerning but he doesn't know what he'd say to people so he continues his vow of silence. He avoids Craig and his other friends all day knowing they would demand an answer. He feels alone.

The day passes by him and he's in his own little world. His world is white and there's nothing in it. It's blank. People ask him what happened to his face but he just walks past them in a haze. Throughout the day he feels heavier and heavier, tenser and tenser. Something's wrong, nothing's right.

He remembers his mom. He should've told someone.

He remembers the bruises. He needs help.

He remembers Bebe. He could've helped her.

He remembers Stan. He could've helped him too.

He remembers Kyle. What if he's next?

He remembers Brad. The stares, the kiss.

He remembers his friends and Craig. What if they have secrets too? What if it's crushing them?

He can't breathe. He stops in the middle of the hallway, dropping his books on the floor. He doesn't pick them up. They fall with a loud crash, attracting everyone's attention to him. His heart his beating fast, too fast for him to keep up with. He's dying, he knows he is.

He's panicking now. His breathing quickens and he feels himself hyperventilating. He stumbles into a locker and slides down it, the memory of himself doing the same thing the previous day flooding his mind. He remembers his dad and his boot in his face.

"Tweek?" He hears someone ask him and he looks up but he can't match the voice and face to anyone he knows. He's forgotten the people he's supposed to know.

"Shit. Butters, go find Craig." The same person instructs Butters and Tweek hears someone running down the hallway.

The person tells him to breathe but he can't. He's not in his body, he can't control himself. He's floating and he's distant from the situation at hand.

He hears more footsteps approaching and he tucks his head in between his legs.

"What happened?" A new voice asks, a voice that's familiar. Someone kneels down in front of him and takes his hand, holding it gently.

"I don't know." The first voice said. "He dropped his stuff and then started crying."

"Tweek?" The second voice asks him. He's able to put a name to the face that's in front of him and realizes that Craig is in front of him, holding his hand.

"Craig." He whispers. "Craig, I'm s-s-sorry."

"Hey, it's okay." Craig assures him. "It's okay. What happened? What's happened to your face?"

"It's all my fault." He whispers again before taking a shaky, sharp breath. A sharp pain stabs him in his rib and he can't breathe again. He starts crying again and his body feels like it's on fire.

"Goddammit." Craig cruses to himself. "Tweek, come on honey. Just breathe, it'll be okay."

"It's all m-m-my f-fault." He repeats, sobbing uncontrollably. "I should've told p-p-people but I d-didn't. I-ngh-r-ruined e-everything."

"Damn Craig, get your boyfriend under control." He hears someone else say and he recognizes the snotty voice that belongs to Brad.

"GET AWAY FROM ME." He screams, trying to back up against the locker as much as he can. "STAY BACK. DON'T TOUCH ME."

"Get away from us pervert." Token says as he shoves Brad away while Clyde pushes away Cartman.

"F-F-Fuc-k-k off l-l-losers." Jimmy stutters to the rest of the crowd who slowly start to disperse.

"Come on Tweek, you just need some air." Butters tells him softly. He feels himself being picked up off the floor and Craig's long arms wrapped around him as Craig carries him throughout the hallway and outside, his friends following behind them.

He still can't control himself. He's still grasping at his hair and twitching but Craig's hold on him is tight and he keeps him together. The fresh spring wind breezes past him as they walk to the bleachers and Craig sits him down, bringing him into a hug and kissing his head.

"I ruined everything." He whispers again, out-of-control tears being replaced with raw ones. He's blocked how he's felt for so long, he couldn't hide it forever.

"You didn't ruin anything baby." Craig soothes him. "You could never."

They're all silent now and he can't take the silence. He can't keep quiet any longer and he looks at each of his friends, one by one. They're all too quiet.

Craig's always been quiet. He uses gestures more than he uses his words. So has Token although he's more thoughtful and his gestures are kinder. Clyde's not as quiet but he's kept to himself more and more ever since his mom died, something he blames himself for. Jimmy's one to break any tension with a joke but now he lets them sit in the tension instead, like he's run out of reasons to keep things from getting awkward. Kenny and Butters are always with one another now, keeping to themselves.

They're all too quiet.

"Please. He begs them. "Please, just say something."

They all look at each other sadly. They've all lost so much. They all have so many things they've kept from one another.

"We love you." Craig tells him simply, hugging him tighter as everyone joins one another in one big hug.

He feels safe for once.

The quietest people may have the darkest secrets… but he's not the only one quiet one.


Ending Notes:

Please leave any comments, questions or feedback in the comment section, it would mean a lot to me! If you have any ideas for me, I'd love to hear them! πŸ’–πŸ’–

Everyone have a great day/night and I hope you keep reading!

-Lis 😁😁