Lucas P.O.V.
Riley has been gone for over two weeks now. I came back from Texas the night before school was to start for us. It didn't and still doesn't feel right to be going to school without Riley. Maya is currently mad at me for taking off to Texas and not contacting her at all while I was there.
She is also mad because I didn't answer any of her calls or texts while I was there. I don't blame her for being mad. I just feel so bad about this Riley situation we all do and we are doing exactly what Riley wouldn't want us to do. We are letting it affect our lives, our friendships, and all our relationships in a negative way.
Riley wouldn't want this for us, but she isn't around to help us fix this. She is the glue that holds us together and somehow we forgot that and forgot how important she really is to us. Zay, Farkle, and Smackle are still not happy with us. I don't think they are as mad as they were the first day, but they are still mad to an extent.
They are still taking space from Maya and I and I don't blame them. Maya told me how she found them hanging out one day when she was just out for a walk. She told me how it made her feel and she realized how we made Riley feel. I didn't need to see them hanging out to know how awful we made Riley feel.
We were the worst friends to Riley with some of the things we did. Who were we to decide what she could and couldn't handle? To pick at who and what she likes? We decided that Riley couldn't handle things, but that wasn't our decision to make.
We claim we were protecting Riley with all the things we didn't tell her or we tried to keep her from hearing about. Not just in this instance, but in all instances. We weren't protecting Riley we were basically controlling her life and we had no right to do that.
Riley deserves better than that. I hate having to give her space it is killing me to do so, but I am going to keep trying to do it. She deserves to be happy and if this is what is going to make her happy then I will do my best to power through. I hope we can all figure out how to be happy too, that is what Riley wants for us. I know it.
