Farkle's P.O.V.

It has been almost 2 months since Riley left. We are still broken as a group. Smackle, Zay, and I still aren't talking to Maya and Lucas. We are completely aware that this isn't completely their fault. We share blame with them, but we feel they put us in an awkward position and aren't ready to forgive them for that.

I know Riley wouldn't want us to be divided. She would want us to have each other's back like we always have. But it just isn't the same without Riley here. Riley kept us together and she made sure we were doing right for ourselves and each other. Even though we didn't always do right by Riley. I'm not sure if we can keep that up without her.

Now she's gone somewhere without any of us to back her up. We are on our own and I feel like we are struggling more without her than she is struggling without us. Maybe we needed her more then she needed us and we didn't realize it until it was too late.

It's not like I've been in a constant depression since she has been gone. I have had happy moments, but sometimes they feel tainted or unreal because Riley isn't here to share these moments with. She's been one of my best friends forever and I look back and I can't understand why I continued to lie to her. I don't understand how I agreed with my friends that we should keep things from her to protect her.

How was that our right? We should have always told her everything even if it was hard and then supported her through the hard times. That's what friends are supposed to do for each other. That is what she did for us. Instead we made decisions and choices for her without ever giving her a say. The Lucas and Maya thing may her been the final straw for her, but I don't think it was the only thing we did wrong.

I hope where ever Riley is she is happy and she is living the life she wants. I hope she gets to make all of her own decisions like she should have been able to do here. I hope her choices make her happy and give her the life she wants to have. I hope she surrounds herself with people who support her choices and decisions. She deserves that and we took it from her.

I know we will eventually forgive Lucas and Maya and be their friends again. But deep down I think we all know it will never be the same again. We have damaged our friendship. Not just with Riley, but with each other too.

Maybe this is a part of growing up, growing apart from people. Or maybe if Riley ever comes back we might to repair the damage, I don't know. What I do know as much as I want to look for Riley Smackle keeps reminding me that it will do more damage than good. So all we can do is wait and hope for the best.

I want Riley to be happy and I want that for us too. Maybe the key to fixing things with Riley is to work on ourselves first. We need to air out all the things we keep bottled up. And we definitely need to talk about Riley and all the ways we wronged her and how, if we ever get the opportunity to, we can right those wrongs.

I think I'll start by dealing with my problems first than branch out to my friends. I can't help them until I help myself. I need to do what Riley would want me to and maybe in some small way that will start to fix things between us and her.