This is absolute nonsense. It doesn't make sense but it does contain slight spoilers for the Liyue storyline. If you haven't played through most of the Liyue quest, proceed with a bit of caution. This came about as a joke between my husband and myself but I couldn't not write it because of how ridiculous it is.
Again, nothing about this is meant to be serious; if you need a laugh, I hope this helps!
Zhongli sighed heavily, putting his pen down with little ceremony. He closed his eyes, gently massaged them as he had for the past week, but so avail. They still burned and now it was beginning to feel as though someone was taking a pickaxe to his optic nerves.
No one told him mortal bodies would suffer in such manners. His Gnosis might be on his person but this form was just as vulnerable as any other human's. If he wasn't careful, things wouldn't go according to plan.
Just as he was about to rise from his chair with the intent to manage other tasks that didn't require as much attention, he was interrupted by a sudden knock.
Zhongli let out a breath through his nose. He might have to work with the Fatui to achieve his ends but that didn't mean he needed a babysitter whose name fit his behavioral patterns. He amended his thoughts; he was agitated, that wasn't entirely fair of him and Childe was, on occasion, good company.
"Come in."
The Harbinger entered, his demeanor seeming to slip for a moment after he looked at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Director.
At least, that's what Zhongli thought. It was hard to tell. What were once clear, crisp features, were...well, hardly that anymore.
After 6,000 years of attuned senses, this…
"I can return at a later time if you're unwell," Childe offered, to which Zhongli waved a hand.
Childe seemed like he had more green in his outfit than usual.
"It's nothing."
Childe cleared his throat. Actually, it seemed as if it came from a bit to the left...
"Excuse my candor but you look like you're straining even to see me. You seem quite enthralled with your eucalyptus plant over there."
Oh.
"I'm perfectly fine, Harbinger. What brings you here?"
He hoped Childe missed the waver in his voice. He couldn't be losing his vision...no…of all the things he needed most...
Well, certainly not the kind of Gods Eye that so many wore on their person, their source of power. He didn't need that . But how was he supposed to navigate the mortal world?
And who was even around from his era to know the effects of…
"We scheduled lunch. I received no notice of a cancellation and I came by to check that you were well."
I couldn't read my schedule, that would be why…
Zhongli apologized before closing his eyes again, bearing the brunt of another wave of pain.
"I may have been reading too long by candlelight," he admitted. "It seems it's finally taking its toll."
"In that case…I think I know just the thing. In Snezhnaya, we..."
Well, it did help. Kind of.
He could definitely see smaller, cramped writing better, and everything seemed a bit more...in focus.
But the sheer weight of the contraption…
On another afternoon, he received a different visitor. One with yellow hair and a floating companion. The Traveler was certainly from a different world, if not a different time-he hadn't seen such markings on clothing in well over five-hundred years. The floating black hole with a wise mouth reminded him of another, one from the darkest regions of his mind that he could no longer put a name to.
The lenses over his eyes gave Paimon a strange fishbowl appearance and considering she had a habit of getting into people's faces, it was disruptive to say the least.
"Paimon, we talked about this," the Traveler chastised. "Personal boundaries. You can't just ask someone about their…"
Zhongli looked up and met the Traveler's eyes. They were wide-eyed, dare he think stunned. But there was a twitch of their mouth and they were quick to disguise it as a cough. At least they had manners.
"Zhongli, what are you wearing?" they asked after closing the door behind them and walking towards the Archon.
Paimon grumbled something and the Traveler's smile faltered. "Childe's not exactly a doctor."
"They've been working quite fine. I don't have to bend down to see things. Everything is much closer. It makes seeing details easier, certainly."
"Zhongli, I don't know how to tell you this…"
"I appreciate your direct nature, Traveler. Say what you must."
The Traveler seemed to spin in place for a moment, Paimon fluttering about as well, until they found the small round mirror hanging on the wall. With a huff of effort, the non-Vision user lifted it and held it up for Zhongli to assess.
The contraption was a bit...much, he supposed. The idea was to use the same method as glider goggles, an adjustable strap around his head to keep everything in place. Giant lenses made his amber eyes look like dinner plates, taking up most of his face. He was reminded of children looking into the wrong end of a spyglass at one another and the way water so easily distorted things when the sun hit just right.
He could see the Traveler's point and felt his ears heat in embarrassment. "I've been having trouble seeing lately. Childe said these would…"
"You're wearing magnifying glasses. Literally. You can even see where the handle was broken off."
That would explain the weight.
"Ah," was all Zhongli could muster.
A child made a god look like a fool.
"Come on, let's see if we find an eye doctor that's available," they held out their hand after swatting Paimon away.
Much later, when Zhongli was safely in the hands of a professional, the Traveler left the lobby for fresh air only to find the Harbinger waiting.
"Making an upstanding citizen of Liyue into a momentary laughingstock for his eccentricity is rude , Harbinger," Paimon shrilled. "You Fatui get your kicks in the strangest ways."
"If I wanted a kick , you'd know it," Childe quipped, crossing his arms. "You need to stop ruining my fun, Outlander ."
"I'll continue to ruin your fun as long as the Fatui see fit to continue to meddle in affairs that aren't theirs," the Traveler replied.
"Oh, I think I'll enjoy that."
There was a glint of something in Childe's eyes that told the wayward Traveler he wasn't kidding.
Before either of them could respond, the door opened again and Zhongli stepped out onto the pavilion. In place of the giant goggles, he wore a simple pair of wire-framed glasses that seemed to perpetually love to slide down ever so slightly.
"Ah, Childe, there you are. I thought perhaps you could join us for dinner. Consider it a rain-check for our lunch from the other day. Your choice of venue, Traveler."
They felt the name of a nearby new discovery fall from their lips and Zhongli began leading the way almost immediately. The Archon was either oblivious to the slightly ajar mouths and dry swallows that occurred and instead filled the momentary silence.
Childe pulled a little at his collar and muttered, "If this is how you fix problems, Traveler, perhaps I'll stick to making trouble for you for a while."
