THE TALE OF JANNA - LIGHTS, CAMERA, CHAOS!

The Cloud Kingdom. This exotic land inhabited and ruled by flying unicorn heads loomed high in the skies above Mewni; Until the Cleaving, that is. Once the dimensions merged, the skyward land was relocated to the airspace above humble Echo Creek. This brought in a new wave of foreign tourists, who would reach the Cloud Kingdom by hot air balloon or helicopter. But tonight, a special visitor was en route to the kingdom in a most unusual ride...

A black, macabre-looking elevator pulled by a winged demon rose through the skies, and descended outside Ponylu Studios, the biggest production studio in all the kingdom. As the crowds of camera-carrying paparazzis snapped pictures of the hellish flying carriage, the doors opened, and out walked who but Janna Ordonia.

"Thanks, Gordon. Buy yourself something nice." She remarked, and flung a token to her winged chauffeur. As she headed towards the studio, a pack of pony paparazzis swarmed her, and repeatedly photographed her with their bright, flashy cameras. Janna groaned in annoyance, reached into the pocket of her jacket, and threw down a couple of smoke bombs, which she carried on her at all times. While the shutterbugs were blinded by the smokescreen, Janna hurried into the studio to make her daring escape.


Ponylu Studios was every bit as chaotic as you'd imagine. All the different members of the crew, from the highest-ranking producers to the lowliest production assistants, were like busy bees buzzing amongst a hive of havoc. It wasn't long before Janna was swept into the frenzy by one of Pony Head's many sisters.

"What up! You must be Janna! I'm Jan-Jan—HEY! We got the same name!"

"Not really—" She couldn't finish, as Jan-Jan suddenly whisked her into a chair facing a mirror, where the creepy twins Shinda and Shonda were waiting. "Uh, what are you doing—AH!" The unicorn twins quickly got to work styling Janna's hair and makeup, despite her reservations. When they were finished, the teen troublemaker was sporting a tacky look she wouldn't be caught dead in.

"I look horrible." The raven-haired girl remarked. She wasn't fussy about how she appeared to others, but even she had a limit. Before she could protest any further, she was pushed over to Whistine and Krysthalle, more siblings of Star's so-called bestie.

"Hey, girl! Put on this outfit we picked out for you!" Krysthalle directed. The garb in question was a gaudy pink dress with overly lacy frills, a poofy upper half, and a glittery skirt that was way too short for Janna's liking. While pink happened to be her favorite color, and one she had become quite comfortable with wearing, the dress looked absolutely hideous.

"No thank you."

"But you'd look so fine in it!" Whistine encouraged.

"I'm fine with what I'm already wearing." Janna refuted; Unfortunately, the floating unicorn sisters wouldn't take no for an answer. They tugged at the human girl's jacket and skirt, ticking her off; Both unicorns were repaid with slaps so hard they left red marks on their equine faces.

"Such a diva..."


Meanwhile onstage, the show's host, Crown Princess Lilacia Pony Head, was wrapping up a chat with her first special guest, Love Sentence's lead singer Justin Towers.

"Yeah, that's great, baby, but your time's up. Thanks for telling us about your solo album!"

"But I didn't get to tell you! You just talked about yourself the whole time."

"'Cause I'm the best, baby. Bye byeee!" Pony exclaimed, as her security escorted Justin backstage. "Now for our next guest. I know I said my bestie Star Butterfly was coming, but she ate a rotten sandwich and couldn't show up."

"No Star?" This saddened squeak came from Starfan13, who had come all the way to the Cloud Kingdom to see her idol onstage.

"Anyways, here's Janna Banana!" On that cue, Janna came out from the curtains and stepped onstage as the audience applauded. Ironically, for someone obsessed with spying on others, she was a bit anxious while on camera.

"Now I know how Eclipsa felt." She thought to herself. Janna took a seat on the comfy guest chair, and awkwardly waved to the audience.

"Hey, Janna...or should I say, Snatcher, the Earth-Ni Protector!"

"Actually, I'm retired, remember? Left the team after New Year's." Janna corrected.

"Oh yeah, right. What was up with that? Don't you still wanna fight crime?"

"That's the thing; There's not much crime to fight anymore. The job got boring, so I called it quits."

Cool, cool. You know, I wanted to be an Earth-Ni Protector, but that nerd in the metal mask wouldn't let me." Pony retorted. Before Janna could debate the truth of that statement, the motor-mouthed unicorn interrupted her. "So, how did you get your magical powers, anyways? You ain't from Mewni, and you definitely ain't a Butterfly."

"That's classified info, Pony. I will say this; It was a mess." The teenage mage retorted.

"Fine then, keep your secrets. Anyhoo, I had Seahorse ask people what they think about you, so let's watch it!" The screen on Pony Head's desk began playing a compilation of interviews with various civilians. It began with accolades of admiration for her stint as a superhero, or fascination with her mysterious magic. However, things started going downhill with the appearance of Hope Hadley, one of Janna's classmates at school.

"Janna? She's...interesting. She saved the city and the world and stuff, and that's awesome. But...I hate to say this, but she kinda freaks me out sometimes. Like, this one time, she released a bat in the computer lab!"

"Good times." Janna commented. To her, being called creepy was a compliment. Unfortunately, there were some people who thought even worse of her, like the middle-aged interviewee following Hope.

"Janna Ordonia is a terrible role model for my children! She practices witchcraft, and worships the Devil!"

"More like the other way around." She playfully riffed. The last of the questioned civilians was an older mewman villager, from a village in the hinterlands.

"That wicked witchling? She was trained in dark magic by Queen Eclipsa! She'll be the new Queen of Darkness, and rule Earth-Ni with an iron fist!"

"That's the plan." Janna's joke got a laugh from the audience, as well as from Pony.

"Dang, gurl. You got thick skin."

"You have no idea."

"Anyway, enough of that diss track. Let's talk about your boyfriend, Prince Tom Lucitor."

A wave of "oohs" emanated from the audience; Relationship drama was a big chunk of the Pony Head Show, and the romance between the Prince of the Underworld and his commoner girlfriend was sure to be juicy television.

"What about him?"

"Well, what's it like dating demon royalty? B-Fly would know, amirite?"

"It's, um...pretty cool. He's rich, he's handsome, he's the ruler of all demons; What else could a lady ask for?" The beanie-wearing teen coyly commented, causing some cheers from the crowd.

"Okay, I see you! Now we're gonna play a game. I'm gonna pull up a picture, and you'll explain it. Like this!" On Pony's cue, an image appeared on the desk screen; It was of Tom carrying Janna, while flying through the air on a starry night.

"That's Tom and I flying together."

"Yeah, but why? Ain't there a juicy story behind it?"

"I dunno, maybe? We've done it hundreds of times, it's hard to tell."

"Alright, how 'bout this one?" Pony pulled up another picture, which made the audience laugh; Janna, on the other hand, was rather shocked. It was a picture of her happily cuddling with Tom's pet bunny Marshmallow, who was dressed up in a little superhero outfit. Needless to say, this adorable picture embarrassed Janna, as it messed with the macabre persona she embraced.

"Wha—How did you even get that?" She cried, disgusted by a taste of her own medicine.

"I got my ways." The third and final picture appeared on the screen, causing Janna to gasp and turn red as a tomato, while people in the audience whistled; It was a candid shot of her and Tom engaged in a steamy make-out session on Lava Lake Beach. Yes, there was tongue involved. No, Tom wasn't wearing a shirt. And obviously, Janna was furious.

"Now that's a good one. Talk about hot and heavy, am I right?" Pony teased. Janna responded by whipping out the Kali sticks she used to wield her mystical powers, and zapped the screen with a blast of green magic, destroying it.

"I see why Star doesn't hang out with you anymore." Janna got up from her seat, and was about to leave, when she remembered the special supplies she brought for the show. The scion of Eclipsa took a bottle of strange red liquid out of her jacket, and started smearing it on the floor.

"Hey, hey, HEY! What do you think you're doin' to my stage? Is that blood?"

"No, it's punch." Janna sardonically retorted. She used the liquid to form a summoning circle, and drew a nine-pointed star in the middle of it. Once the nonagram was complete, she sprinkled black, ashy sand over it, then began to chant in some ancient, forgotten tongue. As she spoke the unknown incantations, the lights began to flicker, and the whole room shook, causing the audience to panic.

"What's going on? Janna, stop it, you're really freakin' me out!" Lilacia worried. Once Janna finished her ritual, a plume of dark, billowy smoke erupted from the summoning circle; Once the fumes cleared, the being she had invoked was revealed, much to everyone's horror.

Standing tall and proud in the circle was a mighty eldritch demon from parts unknown. His skin was rough as coral and black as coal; His antlers were like the branches of a leafless tree, and his fangs were sharp as iron spears. Fleshy tentacles hung from his face like the beard of a king, and long was his pointed tail. His gaze was piercing, and all-seeing; Eighteen eyes across his body glowed an eerie amber, sending chills down the spines of his many witnesses.

"I am Ne'Kagaloth the Dire!" Spoke the demon, in a voice that boomed like thunder. Upon seeing the eldritch being, Pony yelped in fright and flew away in such a panic that her horn got stuck in the metal grid holding up the stage lights! As she tried freeing herself to no avail, Ne'Kagaloth looked down at the mere human girl who had summoned him.

"'Sup."

"Insignificant mortal. Why doth you summon me to your Earthly domain? Know you not the carnage I embody?"

"Look around you, dude." The sorceress stated. Ne'Kagaloth turned his gaze to the frightened crowd, and froze up, his nerves trembling. "Go on, big guy. You know you want to." The dire demon cleared his throat, and began to recite an Earthly passage.

"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day.

To the last syllable of recorded time;

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing."

Once Ne'Kagaloth was finished, he took a bow, and the audience that once feared him applauded. Janna smiled proudly; She had heard of Ne'Kagaloth the Dire from Tom's grandfather Relicor; As it turned out, he was a struggling actor looking for his big break.

"Thank you, thank you! I simply love Macbeth." The demon thespian spoke, when Pony Head finally got herself unstuck, breaking loose a stage light that fell and struck his head. "YOWCH!"

"You're not supposed to say the name of the play, dude. It's bad luck." Janna advised. Just then, a talent agent in a three-piece suit ran out from behind the curtains, and approached the towering titan.

"You there!"

"Me?"

"Yes, you! That was one of the greatest performances I've ever seen! How would you like to be a star?"

"I'd LOVE it!" Ne'Kagaloth joyously exclaimed, then wiped a tear from his eye. "And Mother said I'd never make it." He then knelt down to look Janna in the eye. "This is the greatest day in my thousand-year life. Thank you, mortal girl."

"Anytime." As the demon and his new agent headed backstage, the crowd cheered once more. On the ground, Pony groaned, exhausted from the show's shocking climax.

"That was craaaazy." The unicorn weakly moaned. Now that her big show-stopper was finished, Janna strutted to center stage to sign off.

"You've been a wonderful audience, but that's all for tonight. Goodnight, everybody!"