Time stopped for me then. I forgot about the fear gas, the chase into the Narrows, Nightwing, Tiger's Eye, the Joker… it was all gone. It was just this moment.
"Please don't kill me…".
His icy blue eyes expressed a type of terror that I had witnessed before. In the many tortured victims of the mob. Within myself. Within my mother. Fear had a way of dispersing itself through the most impenetrable walls of the mind. Silent… deadly… unassuming until it ripped you from stability.
I stared in disbelief at the shell of a man I used to call my father. He looked so frail… so fragile now. Just another nameless, futureless, aimless, soul of the asylum. I wondered if he even remembered who I was.
Like the deceptive calm before a tsunami, I drew into myself the emotions that had been building in me since my father had been put away.
Rage, I realized, was much more potent than any chemically induced fear Crane could have produced. My adrenaline took over.
"Look at you" I growled softly, "you're nothing now."
The waters were silently disappearing from the shorelines in my mind… building momentum.
He inched pathetically backwards, and for the first time in my life, I felt powerful.
I hadn't realized how hard I had been clenching my fists until I saw him eying them.
"Please!" he pleaded, " I can't get you anything… anything you want!"
Anything you want.
The momentum was built now within me. This was the tipping point.
Walking briskly towards him, I picked him up by the collar of his orange jumper, easily lifting him off the ground.
"Anything I want?"
He was cowering.
"You'll never be able to give back what you stole from me."
His eyes widened as the poison from my words made its way into his conscious mind.
As if awakening from a dream, there was recognition in him now. I saw thousands of emotions flash across his face. He couldn't see the eyes behind my mask, but he knew who I was.
As seconds of silence passed, gunshots fired from further down the alley.
Distracted, he managed to slip from my grip. Looking down the alley I could barely see around the corner from where the shots came from, but my instincts were muddled by my desire to hunt my father. I ran after him and into the abandoned apartment building he had first tried to escape into.
Rushing into the building, everything was dark. I followed his footsteps as they scuffled down the hallway and into an open flat. As I entered the flat, I suddenly realized I had let my emotions overtake my defenses. Before I had time to switch on my night vision, a large object came crashing down on the back of my head and I fell straight forward onto the apartment's floor.
With a grunt, I quickly regained my composure and looked around. He was nowhere in sight, but he couldn't have gone far. I turned on my night vision, doing my best to ignore the throbbing pain exploding from the back of my skull.
"Come out and fight me, you fucking bastard!" I screamed.
Silence.
I walked silently from one room to the next, listening for sound. He couldn't have escaped the apartment. He was in here somewhere. I wasn't sure what I was planning to do once I found him, but I really only had two choices.
The kitchen was empty as well. Dust had piled on top of old cans and used dishes. Here and there sleeping bags were strewn about. Most likely inhabited by a few dozen homeless Gothamites.
Suddenly I felt something against my leg and jumped skiddlishly. Turning around, I scanned the floor and sighed. It was a stray alley cat that must have come looking for food.
Before I could turn fully back around, I felt a violent force hit the slide of my body. At first I felt like I had bumped into something, but then I felt the warmth and a hand around my neck.
A knife clattered to the ground as my father pushed me up against a kitchen wall.
"You're supposed to be dead!" he screamed.
"So are you!" I choked back, kicking him hard in the stomach. Despite the advanced technology in my suit, I was still vulnerable to hand to hand combat. He released me as I stumbled towards the bloodied knife. I was beginning to feel the pain in my side. I hoped the wound wasn't too deep, but the warmth in my suit continued to spread.
Before I could collect the knife, his foot collided with the side of my face, causing me to roll towards the center of the kitchen.
He picked up the knife and came at me again.
It was then I realized how defenseless I really was. Batman was no a killer. The suit never carried guns or knives.
My hands met his as we struggled for control over the knife. It was then that I was finally able to come in contact with his skin… and I experienced the insight once again.
I screamed as his memories flooded into mine. It was something I never wanted to experience. It felt intrusive, violating.
He was angry at the world.
He truly hated me.
The worst of it all is that he was actually REMORSEFUL about my mother's death.
He would have traded my life for hers.
"If it wasn't for you" he spat, "she would still be alive"
I threw him onto the floor, and screamed as the knife sliced into my arm.
"FUCK YOU, Falcone."
"What are you going to do, Lucille? Kill me?"
The groveling man from before had now regained much of his former vigor. Perhaps rage had fueled him as well. He now seemed much more like my father.
I held my arm angrily, seething. I realized I actually did have a choice... I could kill him.
Our silence was broken by another explosion from outside and a woman was screaming. It shook me from my dark thoughts and brought me back to the reality of the night.
I was bleeding profusely. I could either try and finish my father off with the potential to die alongside him, or rush out to do what I was there to do: help save Gotham.
I cursed at him. With one more look at his resentful face, I raced out of the apartment and into the street.
Under the orange glow of the street lamp, I noticed the streets were empty. Silence beyond my heavy breathing.
It was beginning to drizzle and my head was spinning. There was no sign of an explosion or a woman… had I imagined it?
My body ached, and I was sure I was going to faint. I felt my legs collapse from under me and I let my body rest.
I had let the tsunami consume me… Now I was just another floating victim in the aftermath of my own rage. Blood pooled and dispersed through the street puddles as I began to cry softly.
After a while I heard footsteps from behind me. I could only assume it was my father coming to finish me off.
"Just do it" I mustered to spit out between my sobs. "You have no power over me anymore. I'm free from you... from your rules. I'm free-" I sounded delirious. The world around me was growing dark as I began to fade into unconsciousness. I accepted that this could be the end for me as my breathing grew faint. Fuck him, fuck all of this, I thought.
The last thing I heard before going completely under was the sound of a familiar voice.
"That's quitters talk Luce. People like us, we don't quit".
I woke up, screaming. Sweat was dripping down my face. My mask was gone. Everything around me was dark. I tried moving my body, grunting as I felt a surge of pain on my side.
I was trying to recollect where I was, the events prior to this moment. My mind was as dark as my surroundings. I couldn't piece together what had happened…
I had been with Alfred and John in the manor. We were drinking smoothies… and then -
Flashes of the Gala, explosions of body parts, seeing ghostly figures on the street…. My father… The Joker?
"Lucy, Lucy, Lucy" purred a voice from the darkness. Suddenly it was intensely bright. A flood light from above illuminated an even brighter, white room. I squinted as pain erupted in my head.
"I didn't think you had it in you to be so… bold."
As my eyes slowly adjusted to the light and I realized where I was. It was an old and dingy room. A windowless hospital room. And there he was, the Joker himself, grimacing in the doorway.
I blinked, looking around. I was wearing a dirtied hospital gown.
"What did you do to me… where am I?" I spoke hoarsely, feeling as though I had a mouth full of sand. I tried to move my body and realized I was tied to the bed.
"I had to play nurse," he said, strolling towards me in his regular purple attire. "We don't want you keeling over when the fun is just beginning. No, Luce. I want you to be very much alive."
My side was sore, but since there seemed to be no blood leaking onto the bed, he must have done a decent job at stitching me up. I wasn't sure whether to thank him for saving my life or ask him why I was tied to a bed. But I didn't have time to ask.
"The whole batgirl getup doesn't really suit you, babe. It doesn't show off your b-e-a-u-tiful face." He was now next to me, stroking a cheek.
"How did you know it was me…"
His grin couldn't have been any larger as he continued to stroke my face.
"Oh, please. The way you ran after your father… I could spot you even if you were in a gorilla suit."
I wrestled to move despite my restraints and weakened, injured state.
"Why didn't you go through with it, Luce? You know you wanted to…" he said mockingly.
My head was still spinning. I was recollecting the past events like a bad dream.
"Go through with what?"
It was then that he grabbed my face hard, pressuring his thumbs and forefinger against my cheeks. He leaned in close, sobering me with an instant uneasiness.
"Why didn't you kill him" he whispered. He was so close I could feel his warm breath on my face. A part of me felt a ping of excitement in the danger of the moment... The most dangerous man in Gotham. The most insane criminal.. Inches from my face.
Suddenly he released me, swiftly straightening himself, folding his arms as if patiently waiting for an answer. I shook myself from a string of emotions.
"I-I couldn't"
"You wouldn't!" he snapped. "You wanted to, you could FEEL the freedom it would have given you… but you were still afraid!" He was ecstatic now, pacing as he spoke. "Once you do it, you'll never feel the burden of it again. I know you better than you think, doll. Do you really want to live in the shadow of your boyfriend?"
"He's not my boyfriend!" I screamed, shaking myself so hard that I felt something pop in my side. The warmth from hours before was there again.
The Joker frowned.
"Luce, you're ruining my work! It's not everyday I get to practice on such a lovely gal…"
"You took my clothes off!" I screamed with realization.
"I was gentle," he purred. I knew my face was glowing red, and he continued to stare.
"You liked having that power over him, didn't you?" he continued, sitting on the bed now, next to me. "Why don't you just let yourself have that? You deserve it, Luce. Let yourself live a little! Life is too short. If you don't start doin' things that you want to do, you might just lose your mind!" he said, letting out a wheezing laugh. His yellow teeth were unnerving.
I ignored him, changing the subject to my current state.
"Where does this leave us? What are you going to do now?"
He leaned in towards me.
"Well, there are plenty of things I could do" he thought, licking his scars and staring me dead in the eyes, "but this isn't about me."
"Stop with the games…" I said weakly. I realized the more I moved, the more the stitches were coming undone. I unfortunately had to stay still.
"I don't joke," he said plainly.
I gave him a strange look, but he continued with a serious face. Since I had met him, I realized this was probably the most genuine emotion of his that I had experienced.
"What do you want", he asked.
I was speechless. Tied to a hospital bed, bleeding out with the Joker by my bedside… and I had nothing to say. I should have been afraid. I should have said that I wanted him to leave me alone… to let me go. I began to open my mouth, but closed it again.
"Well, my diagnosis" he continued melodically, "is that you are going to feel very trapped when you go back to your-" he stopped himself, clearing his throat, "you friend at Wayne Manor."
He must have known now about John. He must know that he was Nightwing. I had fucked everything up. I had given myself away by chasing after my father.
"I would prescribe to you… a new course of action."
I thought about John. The night before had been an adventure to say the least. I hoped he was okay… that most of the convicts had been apprehended by him or the police. I thought about all the dead cops…
"You killed so many innocent people…" I began. He continued on, ignoring my outburst.
"I would prescribe that you experience a little more of the freedom that you deserve, Lucky Lucy. There's a reason you ran into me. Fate had it in your cards that you'd draw the luckiest one of them all…"
"I'm not like you... Why am I tied up like this?" I asked, changing the subject. I was enraged.
"Feeling like an animal in a cage?" he teased.
"Fuck you!" I spat. He leaned closer to me.
"That's my girl," he whispered. I was taken aback- speechless, as I moved my body away from him as best as I could.
"Let me show you the chaos. I've been waiting to push you over the edge… come join me on the other side…"
I did my best to move my head from side to side as he held it in place with one strong hand. Not this, not like this. I knew what was coming. He knew my weaknesses and he knew I wouldn't be able to push him away. It was the second time in one night that my emotions were about to be violated.
"Stop," I pleaded.
He was close to me again. So close. I was trying to resist him as best I could. His makeup was mostly wiped away from sweat. His black eyes staring menacingly into mine and I could feel my heart beating fast.
This wasn't a man. He looked like a man, but he couldn't be real. This was all either a nightmare or something more. I was staring into an endless void.
"Tell me to leave you alone. Leave you with the life you used to have… do you really want to go back?"
A tear ran down my cheek as he brushed it away with his free gloved hand.
His warmth around me was intoxicating and I said nothing.
Grinning, he adjusted his grip around my neck. In a swift movement, his lips were on mine.
