What I felt at that moment was ecstasy. It was a rush. I never thought I'd feel as alive as I did when his mouth was pressed against mine. It was an animalistic lust that was violent, aggressive and everything that John could never have given me.
At first I struggled against him, naturally. His scars pressed into my face and I could feel his caked makeup rubbing against my cheeks. But slowly, as he continued to press himself against me, my eyes rolled back into my skull, succumbing to the inevitable... the gift of my insight. What he had wanted me to feel all along.
My mind was flooded by him. I had no choice but to let them in.
I thought I would fear looking into his mind so freely. But the further I fell into it, the more I wanted to see. His perspective was so skewed. Moments of his past were completely stripped of emotion…no remorse when he had massacred his mother and father. In fact, it thrilled him. It made him feel alive.
Gaining power in the criminal world was all just a part of a game. He didn't desire what most people would kill for - money, love, power… the events of his chaotic past were strung together like random pieces of trash along a clothesline. Nonsensical and stemming from one basic need: chaos. Casualties were inevitable, and from his selfish, narcissistic point of view, people were sheep to be herded and slaughtered.
If anything, he didn't lust for me. He didn't want to save me. He wanted to see if he could spread his state of mind. Like an unfeeling virus. He wanted to see if he could push me off the edge. Joining him, so to speak, in the madness…The more the merrier.
I was the test subject and this was the beginning of the experiment.
Looking into the mind of a psychopath created neuro pathways for me that should have never been connected. The intimate contact left me emptied of my own thoughts, my own identity. The animalist lust and narcissism filled me as well. So much so that I didn't mind when my stitches ripped open.
"Untie me" I growled.
"Mm.. will you be a good girl?" he purred, wrapping one hand around my neck and squeezing.
"No," I said, biting his lip. He growled and pushed me back into the bed with excitement. Jumping on top of me with feline-like agility, he untied my arms. I wrapped them around him and pulled him onto me. In no way was he surprised. If anything, he was expecting this and he was enjoying it.
As he began to pull off my gown, he realized the amount of blood I had lost and pulled away.
"Ah tah-tah-tah. Don't bleed out on me sweetheart… we don't want that."
I sat up to try to bring him back towards me. He looked satisfied at my frazzled state and gave me a hard push back onto the bed with a single hand.
"I wouldn't move if I were you. Round two might kill you." he said, observing the pooling blood with a glimmering curiosity.
I was trying to open my mouth to speak, but the words weren't coming. My world was dark again. I blacked out.
The next morning the police found me delirious. Apparently the GCPD was tipped off about my whereabouts by a note written in red…taped to police headquarters. I was rushed to the hospital and put in the ICU… regaining consciousness days later.
John was by my side since the beginning. I knew he was stricken with guilt. Upset with himself for putting me in this situation. What I saw behind these initial emotions was indescribable hatred towards the Joker. Without me saying, John knew what had happened. It had been all over my face. Literally.
"Do you remember anything from that night?" He had asked, holding my hand. I was numb to my gift for now. I hadn't the mental strength nor physical strength to summon it.
I shook my head. "It's all a blur" I lied.
Apparently there was no sign of my batsuit… the Joker must have taken it with him.
John stroked my hand gently, not knowing what to say. I had asked him about Halloween night. He noted that a handful of policemen were killed at the Asylum. The remaining GCPD not trapped within the Asylum aprended a good amount of the escaped convicts… but many dangerous criminals were still loose in the city. John was continuing to work overtime as Nightwing.
Meanwhile, he described that funerals for the policemen killed at the asylum were being held throughout the week, and the major was busy renovating what was left of the Asylum.
"John," I spoke softly, squeezing his hand. "I need to rest," lying once more to his face. John nodded and held his other hand softly to my cheek, kissing my forehead. There was no comparing his sweet affection to the violent passion of the Joker.
"I'll come back in a few hours. Try to sleep." he said, drawing the shades to the bedroom and shutting off the lights. At least this room had windows.
As soon as he left the room, I exhaled. Inspecting myself, I checked my wound. The Joker's stitches had been replaced with fresh ones… it didn't look infected, just raw and barely beginning to heal. My mind was racing and my adrenaline was pumping.
I needed to get out of here… I was already feeling claustrophobic.
…Feeling like an animal in a cage?... he had whispered to me.
I sat up in bed. I knew I couldn't go back to the manor now… I couldn't continue to live the life I had before. Things had changed and I was no longer scared of the city. I needed to figure out my place now. Start making decisions for myself.
Most of all, I wanted to finish off my father.
As darkness clouded my mind I heard a knock on the door and I quickly laid back down, pretending to sleep.
The door cracked open slightly and was left ajar. Whoever was standing there was hesitant to come in.
"Ms. Falcone?"
I was the commissioner.
I eventually opened my eyes and began to sit up in bed.
"Please" he said, walking over with a hand raised, "don't put too much stress on yourself. I heard you were awake… and I'd like to ask you a couple of questions… about Halloween night."
Memories of the Joker's body pressing into mine immediately raised my pulse… the machine I was hooked up to told no lies. I was hoping the commissioner wouldn't use it against me.
I nodded and he pulled up a chair next to my bedside, adjusting himself on the seat and taking out a small notebook from the inner pocket of his jacket, clicking a pen.
"I know this is probably a lot for you right now, Ms. Falcone, but we want to make sure we find the Joker as soon as possible. We don't know what he is planning to do next and you may have some answers for us-"
"What makes you think he talked to me about any of that?" I said defensively. His demeanor instantly shifted.
"Well, first off, Ms. Falcone. Why would the Joker have singled you out and brought you to that abandoned hospital? How did you get these wounds? And where were you on Halloween night when this activity was going on?"
I realized I was being interrogated now…
Had John known about this? Why wouldn't he have warned me? Was I a suspect to him as well? I cursed inwardly and knew I had to think of something quick.
"Well" I began. He was looking intently at me. "I was in the narrows getting some more of my stuff from my old apartment… I went alone because I didn't want to bother John- he was working. When I was leaving the Narrows, a bunch of cars came flying by and one crashed just around the corner. That was when I saw my father leaving a van…"
Gordon was scribbling things down furiously.
"I… ran after him and he attacked me."
"Why did you run after him?"
"Because I wanted revenge… he- had my mother murdered when I was a teenager…"
Gordon was silent, lowering his pen and paper.
"I'm so sorry Lucy… I had no idea."
"No one does… and there's no evidence to back it up. He will probably never pay for what he did."
There was silence between us as I stared down at my hands. So far, I was telling partial truths. Now I had to think of some good lies.
"He stabbed me and left me to bleed out on the ground… I'm not sure how I ended up with the Joker. Maybe he was trying to use me as bait? I don't remember much after that… I had lost a lot of blood…"
"You're saying you don't remember him making… physical contact with you?"
I teared up, doing my best to act as uncomfortable as possible. The truth was, I liked it… In fact, I had loved it.
"I'm sorry Ms. Falcone- I think that is best left to the special victims unit. I won't press you any further about it… my apologies."
He seemed satisfied with my answers for now and stood up from his seat.
"Thank you for your time, Lucy. I know this must be very hard for you… and I promise we will get him. One way or another. And if you remember anything-"
"I'll let you know" I finished.
He nodded and pocketed his notebook. Saying goodbye, he closed the hospital door leaving me alone again… with even more conflicting thoughts.
I sat in silence.
Maybe John didn't trust me… He had touched my hand. Did he assume that I would have sensed this? He could have just told me aloud.
It was unlike him to keep things from me… and I couldn't blame him for his suspicions. Things between us had definitely changed and I needed to escape from here as soon as possible.
Sitting up once again, I disconnected my vitals monitor and pulled out the wires sending various fluids into my arms.
Placing my feet on the cold linoleum floor, I walked delicately over to the windows, opened the blinds. Looking down, I was 5 floors up. No fire escapes this time. Besides, there was also no way I was leaving in a flimsy hospital gown.
My head was spinning and I was craving the adrenaline that I had felt days ago.
There was another knock on the door. Now what, I cursed.
A young nurse entered my room, pushing a cart with a tray full of food. A petite little thing, closing the door behind her. Realizing I wasn't in bed, she finally spotted me by the window.
"Ms. Falcone! What are you doing out of bed? You're still in critical condition!"
"I- wanted to open the windows to get some fresh air…" I lied.
"You have a button next to your bed for assistance, please use it next time. You need to rest as much as possible…"
She parked the cart next to the bed and came over to help me back into bed. I put one arm around her as she led me back.
Just my size.
In an instant I had my arm around her neck, with another hand around her mouth, muffling her screams. Struggling to keep her from flailing, I pushed her against the wall as I choked her. This rush of adrenaline was exactly what I needed to finish the job.
"I wish I was sorry…" I whispered into her ear as she stopped struggling and began to fall limp in my arms.
"...but I'm not".
