Waterloo

Chapter 1: coconut shampoo

Notes:

EDITED: 5.29.21
lol it's me again. I've been feeling really meh about these beginning chapters bc I feel like they don't match up with the rest of the fic so I'm doing a big edit!!
The main plot is the same, and all of the scenes are in the same place but I've added/changed some stuff and fixed some of the dialogue and description. Wanted it to fit my style a bit more! anyway I would say the edits are big enough to re-read this fic, although I'm updating as I go so there'll prob be a few days between updates (what's new)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

" In the dream I don't tell anyone,

you put your head in my lap. "

— richard siken

friday, december 13, 1977

Sirius was tired when he went down to breakfast that morning. It had been the full moon the night before, and he'd spent it racing Moony through the forest and play fighting with Prongs while Wormtail hung onto his antlers for dear life. Sirius had only gotten some sleep in the few hours between moonset and the time he, James, and Peter had to sneak out before Madam Pomfrey showed up.

It had been hard that morning (like it always was) to leave Remus, his small form curled under a tattered blanket, mouth slightly open as he slept soundly. When Remus was awake, he seemed hardly a boy of seventeen, aged by the masks he put up daily against the world. Asleep, Sirius felt he looked finally his age—worry lines smoothed out of his forehead and long eyelashes brushing against his cheeks.

Sirius wanted to curl up with him and never ever leave.

Trudging into the Great Hall, Sirius quickly found his friends and plopped down in the empty seat next to Remus. James and Peter were sharing a copy of the Daily Prophet and Remus was reading a letter (presumably from his mother) and absentmindedly stroking the head of his snowy owl Artemis. Sirius sighed loudly, trying to get his friends to pay attention to him. It didn't work. He sighed again, louder.

"Something the matter, Pads?" Remus asked. He didn't look too bad this morning, but Sirius saw a brand new silvery scar on his wrist as he reached for the jam. (He remembered that one. They were back in the shack, and Moony had gotten restless, gnawing at his own paw as he waited for the impending sunrise).

"I'm exhausted. And we have a Transfiguration exam today!" Sirius grumbled.

"We're all tired, Padfoot, but somehow you were the only one late to breakfast," said James, taking a bite of toast.

"Ugh." Sirius groaned. Lily walked in then, claiming the empty spot next to James.

"Morning!" She said brightly.

"Sleep well?" James asked, pecking her on the cheek. Sirius pretended to gag, earning a giggle from Remus.

"Oh, so your girlfriend can be late to breakfast? But I can't?" Sirius asked.

James shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, she probably has a better excuse than you."

"A better excuse than—-" But Sirius stopped short, as Remus shoved him with his shoulder in an attempt to shut him up.

"Moony! That hurt," he said, then muttered, "I wasn't going to say anything anyway."

"Sorry," said Remus, although he didn't look all that sorry as he struggled to hide his smile.

"S'alright," Sirius said with a smile, letting his head fall on Remus's shoulder. The boy under him stilled for a moment, as if not quite sure what to do. "How are you this morning, Moons?"

"Oh. You know. Tired. The usual—good, I guess. Better than usual?" Remus rambled nonsensically.

Sirius snorted. "That's good." He met James' eyes across the table. James raised one eyebrow then jerked his head in their direction. Sirius raised an questioning eyebrow back, but James merely grinned and shook his head.

Remus felt his heart splutter as Sirius cozied up to him. They were close friends, sure, but generally didn't get so physically close that they could smell each other's shampoo.

Remus dreamed of that coconut shampoo smell.

"What are you doing?" Remus forced his voice to be light and joking.

"What d'you mean?"

"This," Remus said, gesturing between the two of them—Sirius' head on his shoulder, their hands inches apart on the old wooden bench.

"Sleeping."
"Well, you can't sleep here," Remus shook Sirius off his shoulder, hoping no one had seen. It wasn't that big of a deal, and he knew no one could read his mind or anything, but he still worried. Something small could be heavily blown out of proportion. Along with being a werewolf, Remus was carrying quite a few secrets. "Perhaps you ought to study for the exam."

"Oh, please—" Sirius cut himself short as he saw James glaring at something just behind his shoulder. Sirius turned, and saw the back of Snape and his friends walking away, still sniggering to themselves.

"Idiots." James muttered.

"I think they saw you two," Peter said to Remus and Sirius.

"Oh, great." Sirius muttered.

"Who cares. It wasn't that weird." Remus said, although his heart rate had sped up. Having feelings for his best friend, Remus found, was definitely not great. Everything he did out of friendship seemed to take on another, more romantic spin in his mind. Of course, to the outsider, they looked merely like close friends, but that was not the story that played through Remus' head. Remus let himself look at Sirius' profile for a moment. He was quiet as he ate his breakfast, silvery eyes trained on his eggs, but he looked up just in time to watch James's face light up.

"Sirius, truth or dare?" James asked him, an evil grin on his face that Remus was far too familiar with.

"Truth or dare?" Lily asked, not expecting this turn in the conversation.

"Sometimes, when they get bored they randomly start truth or dare games. They're usually short lived, but it's always a good opportunity for pranks. It's pretty fun," Peter explained, although he said the last bit as though he didn't think it was all that fun.

"C'mon, Pete. You do have fun sometimes," said Remus.

"Sometimes being the important word in that sentence." Peter muttered. He turned to Lily. "One year, they played a truth or dare game every week. Once a week you'd suddenly get it sprung on you! It's actually a little scary…"

"Was that fifth year? When Sirius made a makeshift parachute with Droobles Best Blowing Gum and jumped from the rafters at dinner?" Lily asked.

"Yep." Sirius replied nonchalantly. "Got in loads of trouble for that. Rem, remember when we made you go skinny dipping with the Giant Squid?"

"I wish I didn't remember," Remus grumbled.

"Aw, it was funny!"

"It wasn't funny when the Head Boy saw me and told McGonagall and she came down and I had to get out of the lake, in front of her, naked. I'm not sure she's ever been so angry at me."
Peter let out a loud laugh, then covered his mouth as Remus glared at him. "Sorry. Why didn't you tell us about that? We thought you just chickened out."

"I was embarrassed!"

"Oi! I asked Mr. Padfoot here a very serious question. So, Sirius? Truth or dare?" James prodded.

"Dare." As a rule, Sirius tended to always choose dare. They didn't play the game often, and it usually only lasted about a day or two, so he wanted to have the most fun he could have.

"Sirius, I dare you to—" he leaned over so they were closer and he could whisper "—pretend to date Remus until you've convinced the entire school."

Remus quite literally froze, fork in his hand, eyes wide and panic began to build in his stomach. What was he going to do?

"What? " Sirius was suddenly wishing he'd picked truth. Remus looked over at Sirius nervously.

"Yeah, it'll be fun. And it'll annoy Snape, which is generally the thing I strive most for in my life." James said. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Er, okay. Do we just like announce it to the school or…?" Sirius asked, purposefully avoiding the brown eyes that he felt boring a hole into his head.

"No, just let them figure it out. Hold hands, use cute pet names, stuff like that. They might just think you're being weird but eventually they'll figure it out."

Sirius took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he would consider simply a role to play. He slipped his hand into Remus's and cozied up to him again, placing his head back onto his shoulder. Remus had thrown a deep red hand-knit sweater over his uniform that morning, his robe stuffed hastily into his bag. The yarn was scratchy under Sirius's cheek, but it smelled like him. The scratchy-ness was worth it; Sirius thought that Remus looked adorable in that sweater.

"Remus, dear, " he stopped to glare at James, "why can't you just give me all the answers to the exam, since you're so smart and all."

"Hm, boyfriend Sirius acts a lot like friend Sirius," joked Remus, his shoulders relaxing a bit under Sirius.

"Well, I hope you didn't expect me to change just because we're dating now," Sirius acted hurt, looking up at Remus through his eyelashes.

"Of course not, I love you just the way you are," Remus said, meaning it much more than his voice carried it across.

"You love me?" Sirius squealed.

"You two are moving fast." Lily muttered.

"I'm so glad we all have Transfiguration together," sighed James, still grinning widely.

Sirius and Remus walked to class hand in hand, though people hardly paid them any mind. Everyone expected the Marauders to do strange things, and holding hands with each other was probably near the bottom of that list.

"Do you think James will make us kiss?" Remus asked, as they neared the classroom. He tried to keep his voice light. The two boys had fallen back, behind the group. James and Lily led the way, Peter between them.

"I'm not sure," Sirius answered honestly. "Would you mind?"

Remus felt like his heart had been flipped inside out. "I don't know. It's just a dare, I suppose."

"Yeah."

They fell silent. Remus was silently cursing at himself in his head. I don't know. Idiot. Of course you know .

When they arrived at the transfiguration classroom, Lily grabbed Sirius' wrist to hold him back.

"I had an idea. For your little dare thing," said Lily.

"Ooo, Lily Evans being mischievous? Who would have thought!" Sirius teased, grinning at her.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I am very mischievous, thank you very much. Anyway, I think you should write little love notes and throw them at Remus all class." Lily said.

"Nice. Like I made James do to you that one time last year?" Sirius asked.

"Something like that."

"Brilliant. That was pretty funny," Sirius chuckled, remembering the way little piles of love notes followed Lily around nearly every class.

"Don't tell James, but I actually kept all of them. They're in a little box in my room," Lily admitted, cheeks flushing.

"No way , James would literally die if you told him that. He thought you'd burned them!" Sirius clapped his hands, grinning. "Oh Lils, please can I tell him? Please, please?"

"Sirius! Absolutely not." Lily flushed a deeper red and turned to walk into class, Sirius hot on her heels, still whispering.

"Lily, Lily, Lily. Please?"

"Go sit down," she snapped at him under her breath.

Sirius took his seat next to Remus, but kept shooting Lily pleading glances as McGonagall did her usual pre-test spiel at the front of the room. He was quite sure Lily was still blushing.

Compare and contrast human transfiguration spells and the abilities of a Metamorphagus. It was an easy enough question, in Remus' opinion, but he'd hardly put quill to paper before a small ball of paper landed on his test. He glanced over at Sirius, and found him bent over a whole army of love notes he was hastily writing, tongue just peeking out between his teeth.

Remus opened the note, and saw " Hi Moony " was written on it, along with several little hearts. He tried hard not to grin like an idiot, but couldn't stop the blush that he knew was creeping up his cheeks. It was pretty adorable. Their performance was obviously overdone for the dare's sake, but Remus had to admit he was kind of enjoying himself.

He'd finished the first question, and was working on the next when Sirius sent over a few more notes. He'd levitated them over, so they were rather more controlled than the first one. Remus unfolded these too, and began to read:

I like your sweater today. Very adorable.

Hey babe. Do you know the answer to number three??

(does this count as a love note?????)

Are you feeling okay?

You look alright (more than alright hehe ;) ), but just want to make sure.

You left the hospital wing so early this morning!

I can help you cheat if you need it (what can I say, I'm a romantic guy).

Remus wasn't sure either of the last two counted as love notes, but he appreciated the effort all the same (also he wasn't sure he'd ever recover from Sirius calling him babe , even if it was just in a letter. Fucking hell ).

The letters continued for a few more minutes, Remus becoming more and more panicked as he realized he was hardly getting anything done because of Sirius distracting him (which was practically the story of his life). He was just starting to scrawl out his own note (something along the lines of: thanks for the notes but also i've only answered three questions and i actually need to finish this exam and so do you!! ) when he saw McGonagall approaching from the corner of his eye. She stopped between Sirius and Remus' desks, and watched with a frown as a note that had been floating lazily over to Remus stopped abruptly, and landed on the floor.

"Mr. Black, what on earth are you doing?" She sounded tired, after spending the past seven years uttering that same phrase over and over.

"Sending Remus notes."

"I can see that, thank you."

"Then why'd you ask?" Sirius was leant back in his chair, two legs off the ground.

"Mr. Black! That's a detention. Stop sending Mr. Lupin notes. Cheating is not allowed, as I'm sure you know. And please sit normally—I can and will spell your chair legs to the floor."

"Alright. Although I'm sure you know I have no reason to cheat off of Mr. Lupin , I'm only giving him some moral support. He's ill, you know. Spent all last night in the hospital wing."

Sirius wasn't technically allowed to know of Remus' lycanthropy, and his lie seemed to work well enough on McGonagall, though her eyes were still narrowed suspiciously.

"I was aware of that, thank you. Remus, are you well enough to finish your exam this morning?"

Remus could feel several eyes on him, and he sank lower in his chair. "Yes, Professor."

"Wonderful. Can you hand me those notes so I can confirm that neither of you are cheating?"

Remus froze. "Er, I'll just put them away if that's alright. They're personal."

McGonagall looked between the two of them, seemingly weighing her options. She bent down and picked up the note that hadn't made it to Remus' desk. Remus felt on the verge of vomiting as she unfolded it and slowly read. With a hmph , McGonagall folded up the note and placed it on Remus' desk. "No more passing notes in my class."

After class, and a stern talk with McGonagall, Sirius pulled Remus through the crowd to catch up to the others. Lily and Peter had Herbology next so they split away from the group when they passed the front doors.

"Surprised you didn't get in trouble for your note passing in Minnie's class. Were they that bad?" James asked, throwing an arm around Remus.

"What d'you mean?" Remus asked, brows furrowed.

"Y'know. Dirty. Like—oh, I'll give you an example." James cleared his throat, and his voice took on a breathy kind of tone. " Oh, Moony, I just can't stop thinking about the other night. Remember when you f—"

"That's enough of that!" Sirius exclaimed loudly.

Remus ducked out from under James to punch him in the arm. James just kept grinning. "You, James Potter, are an absolute prick."

"Well, what did they say?"

Remus flushed, thinking of the way Sirius had called him adorable. And babe. Hey babe. LIke it was nothing, casual. For one brief, traitorous second, Remus imagined Sirius calling him babe for real, when he actually meant it. Hey babe.

"Oooh, he's blushing!" James exclaimed, which, naturally, only made Remus blush harder.

"Oi, Prongs, truth or dare?" Sirius asked.

"Dare."

"I dare you to shut the fuck up." This started a fight between the two, and Remus was quickly left behind as James made a swipe at Sirius, who ducked and ran off, James close on his tail.

Sirius and James gone, Remus took the opportunity to read the note McGonagall had picked up. Remus had stuffed it quickly in his pocket, and the paper was crumpled. In his careful, aristocratic calligraphy, Sirius had written " Moons—you're the most gorgeous boy I've ever seen."

Remus heard Sirius' loud laughter reverberate through the hallway, and wondered how he was going to survive this dare.

Notes:

Hi :) hope you had fun. I cannot guarantee a speedy update, because I literally have so much to do (so much. Book editing, several essays, and other random stuff awaits me), but there will be one because I did enjoy writing this, and I have ideas for the plot. A note about the truth or dare thing. It isn't like a whole event for them or anything, it's just kinda something they do randomly for fun. It won't be a big part of the story, as James really only wanted to do that one dare. There might be a few more sprinkled in though for fun. Pls kudos this and comment ! If u plan on commenting, just know I love you

Chapter 2: a great sadness in your future

Notes:

Hello !!! I have no idea how the Hogwarts school schedule works. Maybe I should, but alas I do not. They do have somewhat of a schedule, I just have no clue if it's realistic.

EDITED: 5.30.21
surprise! I'm sick today so I had lots of extra editing time. woop woop (also I'm leaving all my original notes on these chapters so if it doesn't say "edited" before it then it's one of the og ones)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

" Should I tear my eyes out now?

Everything I see returns to you somehow."

— "the only thing," sufjan stevens

Lunch passed in a blur, but a few moments stood out to Sirius. As a group of Hufflepuff's passed their table, Sirius looped his arm around Remus' waist and pulled him close—close enough to where Sirius could feel his gentle breaths through his school robe and thick woolen sweater. As he lent his head on Remus' shoulder, Sirius watched James smirk and glance over at Peter, who was biting his bottom lip, trying not to laugh.

"Something funny?" Sirius asked, an eyebrow raised challengingly. Something seemed off about it, though he couldn't quite put his finger on it in the moment. He ignored them, and thought about how he wished he could burrow deeper and deeper into Remus' wool sweater.

Feeling brave, Sirius slipped his hand into Remus'.

"Why are your hands so cold?" Sirius murmured, moving a bit so he could hold Remus' hand in both of his.

"It's December, Pads. Not to mention it's around the time of my—my problem. The real question is why your hands are so warm."

"Well, as I'm sure you know, I do have a pretty nice fur coat. Keeps me warm enough." Sirius grinned up at him. Remus rolled his eyes, but smiled all the same.

"You're ridiculous."

"No, I'm Sirius . Forgot my name, love?"

"My point still stands."

Sirius saw that James and Peter were still watching them quietly chat with each other, the two exchanging suspiciously happy glances, chuckling quietly. It reminded him of earlier, and he tried to remember what was bothering him about it.

Later, however, as he, James, and Lily crossed the lawn to Care of Magical Creatures, it hit him—rather like that bludger had in his first ever Quidditch game.

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, then ran to catch up with his friends, cornering them just before they reached the rest of the students gathered at the edge of the forest.

"You!" Sirius exclaimed, rounding on James.

"Me?" James asked hesitantly.

"Prongs, I can't bloody believe you. Lils, did you know about this?" Sirius then rounded on Lily. She shook her head, confused.

"Maybe if I knew what you were talking about…"

"James. Last month, Wormtail and Moony had gone to bed, and you made me tell you. You know, about—about him. And now, you've gone and done this bloody dare? What if he figured it out?"

"Isn't that the whole point, Pads? I mean, you weren't going to crush on him your whole life, right?"

"I would have, actually. What about the group? Imagine if we broke up? Not to mention my family. I mean, fucking hell , what would they think?"

"You'd stay friends, I suppose. And you don't have to worry about your family. You're a part of my family now." James shrugged. "Besides, it's not like he's a stranger. He's your best mate. I can't imagine you wouldn't be able to patch things up." Sirius opened his mouth, but James held up a hand to silence him. "Listen, Sirius, you know I didn't do this to upset you. From this moment on, I solemnly swear to be the absolute best wingman in the world. I can even talk to him if you'd like."

"Hold on, hold on," Lily interrupted their moment. "Sirius, you've actually got a crush on Remus?"

"Lily!" he hissed, glancing around to make sure no one was in hearing range of them. Deeming the coast clear, Sirius spoke again, in a whisper, "keep your voice down. But, uh, yes, I do."

"Keep my voice down? You've been practically on top of him all day. I'm actually surprised the whole school isn't buzzing about it yet."

"Merlin, don't remind me."

"Paaaads? Do you accept me as your wingman?" James inquired again. Sirius regarded him suspiciously for a moment.

He sighed. " Fine, Yes. Who else would I choose?"

They went to join their class, Sirius falling uncharacteristically quiet as he walked.

"Did you tell Wormtail?" he asked eventually.

"Yeah, I told him last night about the dare—the liking Remus bit. I mean, he already knew you were into blokes, after the Gideon Prewett incident last year, and he was starting to suspect you liked Remus. You're not all the subtle about it, if I'm being honest. He thought the dare was pretty funny. I can't help but agree."

"Oh, definitely hilarious . My heart's been beating so fast all day, I might quite literally give myself a heart attack before the day is over."

"You're not mad, are you?" James asked. "About me telling Pete?"

Sirius threw an arm around James and ruffled his already messy hair. "Nah, s'alright. Besides, he's a Marauder, I'd have told him soon anyway."

He didn't have to elaborate more, James (and Lily, from years of being around them) understood that the bond between the Marauders was more than just regular friendship. There was deep love there, even if they (being teenage boys) wouldn't outright admit it, connecting the four of them. They told each other everything—there were no secrets between the Marauders. Now there were , Sirius thought guiltily.

In class that day, Professor Kettleburn had them studying Nifflers. Each small group got a Niffler that they were meant to draw and label, in review for their final exam the next week. In Sirius, James, and Lily's group, however, it turned mostly into Sirius and James playing with the Niffler, while Lily desperately tried to keep them on task.

"Come on, we have to be writing stuff down," said Lily, irritated. She watched Sirius flip a small coin towards the Niffler, who jumped at it gleefully.

"We're studying them, Lils. We can write things down later. Besides, you have to be nice to me today." Sirius said, pouting at Lily from across their little circle.

"Why?" Lily asked, picking up the Niffler, who was trying to dig through her bag. She took a moment to observe its ears before scrawling something down on her parchment and putting the Niffler back on the ground.

"Well, for starters, you should be nice to me everyday just because. But also, thanks to your boyfriend, I've been having an incredibly stressful day."

"Oh, please, you're loving it." James said, rolling his eyes.

"That's completely beside the point," said Sirius stiffly, though he was trying his hardest to keep his face impassive, and not give in to the smile that was threatening to break through at any moment.

Secretly, he was loving it, but it was rather bittersweet—Remus wasn't really his, but he was able to pretend, and say things he wouldn't ever say if they weren't doing this silly prank. He thought of the note McGonagall had read that morning; the one that he'd written for Remus.

Moons—you're the most gorgeous boy I've ever seen .

He was the most gorgeous boy he'd ever seen, but was it wrong to say so if they weren't really dating? Would Remus know he meant it? How much he meant it? Sirius had a sudden ache in his heart, a desire to walk right up to Remus, snog him senseless, and tell him just how much he meant it. " The most gorgeous boy I've ever seen …" He imagined himself saying, lips inches away from Remus', thumbs trailing the length of his jawline.

Shaking off his impulsive thoughts, Sirius went back to absentmindedly sketching his Niffler. It was a very good thing Remus didn't take Care of Magical Creatures, Sirius realised. Otherwise, he may have just made an incredibly bad, reckless decision. Remus didn't like him, couldn't like him. They were friends—they'd only ever be friends. He told himself that over and over, a mantra he'd been repeating since they were thirteen and Remus had won a race around the lake against James (who insisted there had been cheating involved). As he'd collapsed, laughing, on the grass next to Sirius, he couldn't help but look at him. Remus' cheeks had been flushed, hair mussed from the wind, a real, unbridled grin on his face and green eyes shining in the sun—gorgeous.

Remus doesn't like me. We're friends. Friends, friends, friends, friends—

After class, Remus and Lily met up in the Great Hall to go to Divination together. He and Sirius had just had a rather awkward hug in the midst of the throng of students, which was wildly cheered on by James (much to their embarrassment).

"James seems far too excited about this whole dare," Remus said later, as he and Lily walked up the stairs. A few portraits behind them, Sir Cadogan was running wildly in an attempt to catch up. His shouts of " m'lady!! " and " sir!! " were fading as he lost energy.

"Yeah. I reckon he's just bored." They were quiet a moment. Remus felt that Lily knew more than she was letting on, and was just about to prod her some more when she spoke again. "What if you pranked him? Get some revenge."

Remus grinned, momentarily distracted from her odd behavior. "Oh, brilliant. It'll have to be something he really hates, otherwise he'll probably just enjoy himself the whole time." They laughed.

"Are you enjoying it?" Lily asked then, after a moment. "The fake dating Sirius thing, I mean." She was looking sideways at Remus in a way that made him feel like she was staring into his soul. Remus tried to avoid her gaze. He was glad they had made it to the trapdoor into class.

"Oh, er, I don't know. It isn't so bad, since we're friends and all."

Lily said nothing, and they entered the class through the trapdoor. Their teacher, Professor Nitt, wasn't there yet when Lily and Remus took their seats in the back of the class. They were sat next to Mary MacDonald and Hestia Jones, two of their other seventh year Gryffindor friends. The four made idle talk until Professor Nitt arrived.

When she did, shawl wrapped tight around her bony shoulders and blue eyes scanning all the faces in the room, Remus tried to sink down in his seat. Remus always made Lily sit in the back with him because he thought it would deter Nitt from constantly prophesying about him.

Alas, his attempts were in vain.

Immediately, her eyes turned and landed on Remus, who was pretending to be very interested in his textbook, sat so low in his chair he was practically hanging off of it.

"Oh, Mr. Lupin," her voice was high-pitched as she walked over to him, "I fear there is great sadness in your future…"

"Uh oh, is his boyfriend going to break up with him?" whispered one of the Ravenclaws. Nitt glared at the girl for interrupting her, and Remus blushed.

"Like I was saying. Something you are dreading will come soon…"

"Goodness, something I'm dreading? There's actually quite a list of things I'm dreading, Professor. Did your third eye give you any specifics?" Remus snapped at her, straightening up in his seat. He always made an effort to be kind to all his teachers, but Nitt had a habit of getting under his skin—Perhaps he'd be a bit nicer if she predicted someone else's death or great sadness for once.

"That is all I know." Remus could tell Nitt was getting annoyed with him as well. "I have warned you now. Class, please put away your books, you won't need them. Today we will be looking into the crystal ball…" her voice tapered off as she walked to the cupboard of crystal ball's, passing one out to each table.

This was always a fun lesson, because it meant Lily and Remus could do absolutely nothing the whole time. Of course, they did want to pass, so they tried their hardest to at least to play along a little.

"I think I see...erm, a great sadness in your future. Perhaps… something you've been dreading?" Lily told Remus, squinting at the foggy crystal ball in front of her. She looked up at him with a grin, to which Remus responded with a roll of his eyes.

"Wonderful, can't wait," Remus deadpanned. He looked into the ball himself, seeing only his face, distorted and pale, reflected back at him. "In your future, I see you going to bed, and uh, then waking up in the morning."

"Oh, well that's good," said Lily. They laughed, gaining them a glare from Nitt, before writing down their predictions.

"Anything else? Perhaps the thing I'm dreading?" Remus asked. Lily contemplated a moment, although it didn't seem like she was looking for answers in the crystal ball as her eyes remained firmly glued to his.

"The thing you're dreading…hm—perhaps that Sirius is going to find out you have a crush on him?"

Remus froze, the grin on his face sliding off.

"Oh. That's...interesting," he said, staring at his hands, gangly and scarred, clasped together on the table.

"Is it wrong?" Lily's voice was gentle.

"No, no you're right. Don't tell anyone, promise? I haven't told anyone, so Merlin knows how you figured it out."

"I promise that I won't tell anyone. Also, how dare you question my third eye. I know because I looked in the crystal ball, obviously ." Remus gave her a weak smile. "Only joking. I've just been watching—did you know you practically…light up when you see him? You get all smiley and soft and gentle and you stumble on your words."

Remus blushed, and let his head fall down on his hands. Lily was right. Lily was always right.

"Are you going to tell him?" she asked.

"I dunno." Remus' voice was muffled by his hands.

"I think you should." She spoke so clearly, so certainly, that Remus raised his head from his hands to peer at her.

"Really? I can't risk our friendship like that. It would be silly."

"Remus."

"Yes?" his voice sounded small.

"You two are best friends." Lily said. She didn't want to entirely give up Sirius's secret, but she thought it might help them a bit if she hinted at his feelings. "What if he feels the same?"

"I can't imagine he does. He's got every bloody boy in the school to choose from—surely he's not going to go for me."

"The crystal ball says that's bullshit," Lily said, crossing her arms and sitting back in her chair.

"It's not!" Remus' retort was louder than he'd meant it to be, and they were threatened with detention by Professor Nitt before returning to their conversation, now in voices just above a whisper. "He'd tell me if he liked me. This is Sirius Black we're talking about; he's not exactly shy about who he's into. Remember the Gideon Prewett incident? At the Halloween party last year?"

Lily waved a hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, but what if he didn't really like those people? It's easy to pretend, but it's harder when it comes to real feelings. Maybe he just didn't like them as much as he likes you. This is Sirius Black we're talking about," Lily parroted back at him, "he's not exactly forthcoming with his deepest darkest feelings, is he?"

"Well, I guess not." Remus frowned. He thought of those bloody notes from Transfiguration. They were still in his bag, tucked between the pages of one of his notebooks. "But I…I don't know…"

"S'okay, Remus," Lily reached out to take one of his hands in hers. "You don't have to say anything to him right this minute, but don't put it out of your mind completely. All I'm saying is that he might feel the same."

The thought of confronting Sirius made Remus want to throw up, so he thought he'd leave it for a bit until he worked up enough confidence. Sitting there, hand in hand with Lily, looking into her hopeful eyes, he felt for the first time that perhaps his feelings for Sirius could turn into something real after all.

Notes:

Hello again. I hope you liked the chapter :). I do have ideas about the prank Remus is going to have James do, and it'll probably be introduced in the next chapter, although might not be actually done in that chapter. Have a good morning/afternoon/night

Chapter 3: the secret chocolate stash

Notes:

good evening! (I say, as it nears 11 pm lol). So my pre-notes for this chapter are that I've kinda changed some characters ages and such. First, I've mentioned Bertha Jorkins who, according to Sirius in Goblet of Fire (I'm p sure), was a few years older than them. Since they're in their last year, she would have been out by then, so we're just going to pretend she's the same age. This is probably the only time she'll be mentioned so it's alright. SecondlY, I've decided to make Frank and Alice Longbottom the same age as the Marauders, because I think it would be cool and no one really knows for sure how old they were anyway. That is all have fun :)

EDITED: 6.4.21
hi besties sorry this took a few days. this chapter needed so much work. (so much). still not entirely sure I love it but it's better now. also there's this bit I added where Sirius jokingly tells Lily that Peter has a tail. He does in fact mean an actual tail. I feel like the convo seems random but it comes from the fact that he /does/ have a tail (which lily doesn't know ofc) bc he turns into a rat. not sure this description helps much, in fact it's probably more confusing, but that's okay. enjoy new and improved chapter three. (also omg this fic hit 10k hits the other day !! love you all mwah.)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

" You touched my hand and you smiled

All the way back you held out your hand

If I hope and if I pray

Ooh it might work out someday "

— "seven wonders," fleetwood mac

"I hate potions," grumbled Peter, dragging his feet on the old flagstones.

"You're certainly not the worst in the class, Pete," Lily said comfortingly. Then she shrugged. "Besides, all the instructions are written out on the board, you just have to follow them."

Peter stopped his pouting to glare at her. "Easy for you to say! Y'know, sometimes I mix up my lefts and rights and then I'll have to mix the potion one way but do it the other and then it's all messed up…"

"What?" asked James. Peter looked up at him.

"That doesn't happen to you?"

"Er..."

After Divination, Lily and Remus had rejoined the others in the Great Hall so they could all head down to the dungeons together. Sirius felt his heart flutter when he saw Remus again, thinking back to his daydream from Care of Magical Creatures—the way he'd kissed Fantasy Remus, the way he'd touched the soft, faintly freckled skin on his face. Sirius knew he was blushing when James and Peter forced them to walk next to each other, and he knew his blush only got worse when he felt the back of Remus' fingers brush against his—light and soft, like petals or butterfly wings.

Potions was their last class of the day and Sirius could tell that everyone was buzzing with an energy that only the end of class and an upcoming weekend could bring. Though it was the next weekend, talk was already beginning to fly around the school about the last Hogsmeade visit before winter break, and one could almost taste the excitement in the air. Sirius heard two girls whispering about who they were going to ask on a date to Hogsmeade, and he briefly wondered if he'd have to take Remus, for the dare (or maybe for real, though he didn't let himself think too long on that train of thought).

"So, boys, how are we going to celebrate this fine Friday afternoon?" James asked.

"Sleep?" Sirius suggested, suddenly feeling the past 24 hours weighing down on him like a thick, warm blanket—one that he wanted to curl up and sleep under for a week.

"Sleep? I thought you were going to help me study for our Charms exam. You know, since you're my boyfriend and all." Remus tried to say boyfriend loud enough that the people around him could hear. It worked somewhat, as a few students nearby turned their heads to look at them.

"Oh, no," groaned Sirius, who was genuinely a bit miffed. He had wanted to take a nap. "You don't even need help studying, you're just being annoying. Besides, the exam is like…a whole week away. That's forever."

"Annoying?" Remus repeated, an eyebrow raised. "If that's how you feel…"

Realizing his poor choice of words, Sirius blanched. "Oh, no I didn't mean that . You're not annoying. In fact, I'll help you. I'd love to help you study, really!" Sirius rambled, barely thinking as he reached out to grab Remus' hand. He'd hardly even realized he'd done it, but when Sirius tried to pull his hand away (in case he'd made him uncomfortable), Remus held on tight.

Remus felt as Sirius stiffened beside him, trying once to jerk his hand away. Remus held on, letting his thumb brush against Sirius' soft skin. "It's okay," Remus said gently.

He wasn't sure if he was talking about the studying anymore.

They were all quiet for a while, and before long they'd made it to Slughorn's classroom, waiting for him outside the door.

Remus cleared his throat. "If you study with me, Pads, I'll make sure it's worth your while."

Sirius relaxed a bit more and barked out a laugh. "Oh will you? And how will you do that Mr. Lupin?"

"A whole chocolate bar."

"From the stash?"

"From the stash."

"The secret chocolate stash?" Peter looked wide-eyed between them. "He must really like you, Padfoot."

Sirius shrugged, playing at nonchalance despite his flushed cheeks. "I should hope he likes me, Wormy. He is my boyfriend after all."

"So romantic." James put a hand over his heart and pretended to swoon. All four descended into laughter, but were silenced by a glare from Professor Slughorn, who had arrived to unlock the door.

"What are you four laughing at?" he asked, knowing full well that four laughing Marauders generally meant nothing good.

"Oh, nothing Professor." James said, smiling innocently. "Only excited for today's potions class!"

Slughorn grumbled, then went about ushering everyone inside, giving out smiles and awkward shoulder pats to his star students. He praised Snape on his excellent grade from the last paper they wrote, and he told Lily that she'd gotten the top grade in the past exam. When the Marauders walked through the doors, however, Slughorn studiously ignored them, opting instead to look to the next student in line—" Ah! Mulciber, wonderful…"

"Ah, when will Sluggy reciprocate our love?" James asked wistfully, as the four settled into their usual seats at the back of the class.

Remus wrinkled his nose. " Our love? I think that's all you, mate."

Slughorn introduced the potion they were making that day, writing out the ingredients on the board with his wand, before sitting behind his desk to let everyone prepare their ingredients.

Lily was sitting with her friends Alice Brown and Marlene McKinnon, two other seventh year Gryffindors.

"Frank was telling me that he overheard Bertha Jorkins telling her friends that Sirius and Remus are dating. He said he didn't believe her, he does share a room with them after all, and probably knows them better than Bertha, but I figured I'd ask you." Alice said, beginning to carefully cut her dandelion root. Alice was dating Frank Longbottom, who did indeed share a room with the Marauders.

"Bertha is known to spread rumors." Lily cleared her throat, "but she wasn't wrong this time." It didn't feel quite right to be sharing such private information, let alone something that was a lie, but she supposed part of the dare was convincing the entire school.

"Really? That's interesting. Not the biggest surprise though, I'd say." Alice grinned. "I'm mostly shocked everyone isn't talking about it yet."

"That's what I told them! I say it'll be spreading like wildfire by dinner."

"Oh, definitely. Y'know, sometimes I wonder how rumors do spread so fast here. I bet it's the portraits…" Alice eyed an old man sleeping in his portrait suspiciously. Lily laughed at her and soon they were both giggling.

"Whatcha laughing at?" asked Marlene McKinnon, another of their friends sitting at their table. She was cutting up her own dandelion root, curly blonde hair tied back messily, strands of it escaping and framing her face.

"Sirius and Remus are dating," Alice said, before Lily could even open her mouth.

"Oh, really?" Marlene asked, finally looking up. She looked at Lily for confirmation—Lily nodded.

"Yeah, it's uh, pretty recent." She cleared her throat, hoping to steer the conversation somewhere different. Lily thought about anything and everything she could start a conversation about, and eventually landed on something she thought was promising. "Oh, Marls, I saw Hestia earlier in Divination," she said casually.

"Funny that. You know, I saw her this morning, when we woke up in the same dorm, then later at breakfast, when we sat together, and then later—" Marlene said dryly.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. I only meant that when I saw her, she said something about you," Lily said, "she said you guys had an interesting conversation yesterday, but that I'd have to ask about you about it and I was only wondering if—"

"Oh, Merlin, Marls, did you finally tell her that you're like, practically in love with her?" Alice gasped, eyes wide. Lily rolled her eyes, having intended to phrase it a little gentler than that.

Marlene looked between the two girls, lips pursed, before her face broke out in a big smile. "Yeah, I did."

Lily and Alice squealed, causing a few people to turn and look at them curiously. Marlene shushed them. "Bloody hell, don't tell the whole school!" she hissed.

"Sorry, sorry. What happened?" Lily asked, quieter this time.

"I might have asked her to be my girlfriend." There was a pause. Marlene grinned. "And well, she may have said yes…"

They squealed again, and this time Marlene did nothing to stop them.

Back a few tables, Sirius was glaring at his potion.

"Just because you glare at it, doesn't mean anything's going to happen," Remus told him, watching as Sirius's potion bubbled an angry red color. "You need to add more bat spleen, I think. Prongs?"

James peered into his friend's cauldron and nodded.

"Yeah, some bat spleen should do it."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," said Peter, rolling his eyes.

"Hey! I watched Padfoot cut up that bat spleen and it wasn't nearly enough. The board says two spleens, and believe it or not, I can read." James said indignantly.

"Really? I would have never guessed." Sirius muttered, cutting up another bat spleen. He threw it in, and his potion turned neon green, not the pale blue that was the end goal. "Moony! You said that would work!" he groaned.

"Sorry! Erm," Remus flipped through his potions book, running a hand through his hair. Then, he grabbed some of his extra dandelion root and threw it into Sirius's cauldron. It faded into a dark blue. "You'll need to stir it counter-clockwise uh, five times, then it should be fine."

"Aw, thanks Moony." Sirius threw his arms around Remus.

"Oh. You're welcome." Remus almost whispered. He didn't think he'd ever get used to Sirius being touchy like that.

"What d'you think the girls are squealing about over there?" Peter asked, looking over at Marlene, Alice, and Lily's table—all three girls had big smiles on their faces.

"Who bloody knows," Sirius grumbled. "Oh! It's turning brown; why is it turning brown? Moony!"

"See you two! Enjoy your studying date." Lily waved as they all parted ways at the mouth of the dungeons. Most everyone was going back to the common room, and Sirius watched them leave longingly. Despite the promise of chocolate, he was still thinking of that nap he could have had.

"I'm surprised you even wanted to study today, you know, considering your furry little problem and all," Sirius told Remus as they began walking towards the library.

"Oh, I didn't really. I just wanted to see if you'd actually agree to it." Remus said, shrugging. Sirius gaped at him.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Bloody hell, Moons. Do I still get the chocolate?"

"Yeah, you can have the chocolate. I have to grab a book from the library so the chocolate can be your payment."

"Brilliant." Sirius didn't say it, but despite his grumbling and complaining, he would have done anything Remus asked him without anything in return, even if it cost him sleep. However, the chocolate was being offered so he supposed it didn't hurt to accept it.

Sirius was quiet, and Remus was considering reaching out to take Sirius' hand again. He was still thinking of the way it had felt earlier—soft and warm and safe. Just as he went to reach out, he felt Sirius purposefully brush the back of their hands together. Remus glanced over at Sirius' profile, and felt as he wordlessly looped his pinky finger around Remus'.

Remus looked down at their connected pinky's, but said nothing.

They walked like that until they reached the library, making some conversation along the way, but had to disconnect so Remus could search for the book he needed. Sirius followed him around diligently, rather like an overprotective puppy until they were back in the halls, book tucked away in Remus's bag.

They'd started to hold hands sometime after leaving the library.

The two boys chatted idly as they walked, passing several secret passageways on their way but going right past them, neither wanting to shorten their time together.

"I thought of a good prank for James to do," Remus said. "It's to get him back for the dare, though I'm worried he might enjoy himself, which rather defeats the purpose."

"Oh, tell me, tell me!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Well, I thought he could get Moaning Myrtle down from her bathroom and into the Great Hall. I haven't thought of something for her to do yet, but it'll come to me," Remus explained, grinning at the thought of it. James was one of the more-disliked Marauders in Myrtle's book, and Remus was sure James would bemoan that fact when Remus told him about the prank later.

"That's genius. Maybe Myrtle could follow Snape around all dinner? Or one of the teachers?"

They discussed possibilities for the prank until they arrived at the Fat Lady, nearly doubled over in laughter. The Fat Lady was deep in conversation with one of her friends (a witch in a very pointy hat from a few portraits over) but paused to look down at them, irritated with the boys as she so often was.

"Password?" She sounded bored, voice edging on annoyed.

"Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans," gasped Sirius, recovering slightly from his laughing fit. The portrait swung open.

The common room was much warmer and cozier than the cold halls outside. The December chill had not made its way in yet, and a fire burned happily in the large fireplace. James and Peter were sitting on their usual couch, a game of Wizard's Chess balanced precariously between them on the cushions. Lily was sitting on the ground by James, leant up against his legs, her homework spread out on the coffee table.

Remus immediately crossed the room to collapse into his favorite armchair, murmuring hello's to his friends as he sat down.

"That was fast. Guess it didn't take you two long to figure out Moony knows much more about Charms than you do, Pads." James said, grinning up at his best friend.

"Very funny. I actually know quite a lot about Charms, Prongs . Turns out Moony just needed to check a book out of the library, and wanted to pull me along. Speaking of, do I get my chocolate soon?" Sirius asked, looking across at Remus. He was curled up in his chair, flipping through the library book. It was some extra reading for Charms that he thought might come in handy for their exams.

Before Remus could responded, Sirius heard a quiet "checkmate" from Peter and then—

" PETER! "

Nearly everyone in their vicinity jumped in shock, and Lily turned around to whack James on the leg with her rolled up parchment.

"James, bloody hell!" she exclaimed.

"Sorry, darling." James looked miserable, but Peter had a wide grin spread across his face as he put away his chess pieces. "This little rat wins every fucking time!"

"It's not very nice to call Peter a rat, James," Lily chided gently. James glared at Peter, who stuck out his tongue in response.

"His name is Wormtail," James pointed out.

"Why do you lot call him Wormtail, anyway?"

"Because he has a tail," Sirius replied promptly. "It looks like a rat's. You know, all pink and long and segmented."

"I do not have a tail!" Peter blushed. "He's lying, Lily. I don't have a tail. What the hell, Pads?"

"You do too. I've seen it." Sirius shook his head. "He's in denial, Lily flower, don't listen to him."

James reached out and placed a hand on Peter's shoulder, grinning. "Poor lad has to magic it away every day, but we've all seen it. Moony's seen it, haven't you Moons?"

But whether or not Remus had seen Peter's hypothetical tail, they did not find out. Curled up in his red knit sweater, knees pulled up to his chest, and head tucked into the corner of the chair, Remus Lupin was sound asleep. Sirius marveled again, for the second time that day, just how peaceful he looked as he slept.

In the brief moment where everyone stared at Remus in silence, he made a little noise and shifted, dislodging the abandoned Charms book in his lap and sending it towards the ground.

James, the only one with his wand already in his hand, was quick to freeze the book just before it hit the floor.

"How'd he fall asleep so fast? And in the midst of all that madness?" Lily asked, looking at the sleeping Remus with furrowed brows.

"Sleeps like the dead, our Moons," James said, placing the book on the floor by Remus' bag.

Peter nodded solemnly. "Remus could probably sleep through a Gryffindor party."

"He almost did once—remember? When we found him curled up on the couch halfway through Sirius' rendition of Moonage Daydream and he said he was only 'resting his eyes'?"

"Should we wake him up?" Lily asked.

"Nah, he should sleep. I'm not surprised, honestly, I thought it was crazy he wanted to spend this break studying for his exam," Sirius said, shaking his head fondly.

"Yeah, it didn't seem very in-character for him right now because…well, you know." James said. Lily looked between them.

"Because why?" she asked.

The three (awake) Marauders exchanged glances. Eventually Sirius decided to respond, fixing Lily with his most charming smile.

"Lils, unfortunately you cannot know what we're talking about. But I promise it's really really boring."

"Yeah, you really wouldn't want to know. It's uh, super boring." Peter added enthusiastically. Lily rolled her eyes.

"You guys are the worst liars. James?" James tried not to make direct eye contact with her, and bit nervously at the skin on his lip.

"It isn't my secret so, uh, I can't really say. Sorry, love."

"Oh, well, that's alright. Don't tell me if it's a secret. If he wants, Remus can always tell me himself." Lily shrugged. After barely a minute's pause, she looked back up at James. "James, did McGonagall tell you we have Head Boy and Girl duties tonight?"

"What? She did not tell me. I'm bloody tired of patrolling this school," he groaned, letting his head fall back on the cushions." I think I need a nap too."

"I second that." Sirius yawned.

"Third," said Peter. Lily looked between them, then shook her head.

"You guys are so weird."

"Aw, thank you Lily." Sirius said.

"I don't think that was a compliment, Pads." James said, still leaning into the pillows behind him, eyes closed.

"What? Lily, I thought you said you were going to be nice to me today…I'm heartbroken." Sirius gasped, hand pressed to his heart.

"You are the most dramatic person I have ever met,"

"Was that a compliment?"

"No."

"Lily!"

Notes:

Hi! thanks for reading ily

Chapter 4: merlin, his life was crazy

Notes:

good evening!! I'm having a lot of fun writing this fic. I'm not sure if it's 100% accurate, and I've continued to kinda make stuff up in this chapter lol but it's alright, we're all just having a good time (except for Remus and Sirius, tbh). Also as someone (a girl) who has in fact had a massive crush on her best friend (also a girl) a few years ago I definitely feel like I can hone in on those gay, best friend crush feelings to write all this lmao. Enjoy the chapter !

EDITED: 6.6.21
surprisingly didn't do much to this chapter! I edited some of the convo at the very start and then the very end w lily asking the /question/ (don't want to spoil it lmao). just kinda cleaned it up and made the dialogue less awkward throughout & such. enjoy! (also, I feel like this fic has been getting loads of attention the past few days so hello to all my new ppl!!)

(also also, there's there's very brief talk of girls getting periods in this chapter & just wanted to say that I know girls aren't the only ones who get periods !! it's just not something they'd prob acknowledge at the time. you're all valid though. kisses for all my peeps who menstruate. mwah

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

" You're as beautiful as endless,

You're the universe I'm helpless in. "

— "venus," sleeping at last

"I can't bloody sleep! Wormy, if you say anything else, I will not hesitate to throw a book at you," Sirius nearly growled, an arm thrown over his eyes. After lowering his arm to glare at his friends, Sirius looked across the coffee table at the still-sleeping Remus, and wondered how he'd managed to even fall asleep. Everytime Sirius closed his eyes, he felt the soft skin of Remus' hands and the scratch wool of his sweaters, heard his gentle voice and quiet chuckles, smelled his tea tree shampoo (he dreamed of that tea tree shampoo smell).

"This is the common room, Sirius. If you want to sleep, just go upstairs." Lily said, finishing up her homework and putting it away. She checked her watch. "We should probably get going. It's nearly dinner time"

"Urgh. I can't believe it." Sirius let himself flop off his chair and landed with a soft thump on the carpet. Lily bent down to give him a pat on the head as she passed.

"Hey, at least you don't have Head Boy duties tonight," said James. He waited until Lily went upstairs to drop her bag off before saying, "I mean, doesn't McGonagall know about his furry little problem? Wouldn't she get it?"

"No, because we're not supposed to be involved in it, Prongs, in case you've forgotten." Sirius was sitting up on the carpet now, but made no move to get up for dinner, even if he was thinking of all the food.

"Oh. Yeah. But still."

"That wouldn't even make sense, James." Sirius said. "It's Moony who has the issue, and therefore if we didn't know, it would barely affect us at all. Not in like a physical way, at least."

"I mean, sure, but friends feed off each other's vibes and stuff. So uh, if Moony was feeling tired and sad and a bit of a mess, that would rub off on me and I too would feel tired, sad, and a bit of a mess, which would mean that McGonagall should understand and I shouldn't go out and patrol tonight," explained James. Sirius just looked at him.

"What the fuck are you on about? Feed off each other's vibes ?" Sirius repeated incredulously. "Moony should never have let us rent those Muggle movies last summer, bloody hell. I certainly wouldn't have let you watch them if I knew you were going to start talking like a hippie."

"Oi! I'd make a great hippie. I think I'd look well hot in a tie-dye shirt."

"That's entirely beside the point—"

"So you think I'd look hot in a tie-dye shirt?" James wiggled his eyebrows.

"He's got a boyfriend , James," Peter chided.

Sirius flushed, but glared at his friends all the same. "You two are incorrigible ," he grumbled.

"Sounds like a Moony word. Learn that from your boooyfriend ?" James asked innocently.

"I—no…right, this conversation has entirely digressed. Can we go to dinner please?"

Just then, Lily came back downstairs chatting with Alice, Marlene, Mary MacDonald, and Hestia Jones. When they passed the boys, Lily looked over.

"Meet you there?" she asked, before leaving the portrait hole with her friends, laughing as they went.

"No! Wait for us!" James said, running after them with Peter on his tail. Right before they left, James turned around. "Wake Moons for us, won't you Pads?" Then, it was only Sirius.

"Pricks." he grumbled, walking over to stand in front of the sleeping Remus. He reached out a hand, and gently shook his shoulder. He liked being so close to Remus—close enough to see every pale scar on his face and the few freckles that survived through the winter (in the summer, Remus was a whole constellation of freckles). Remus squeezed his eyes shut tighter, and Sirius shook him gently again. "Rem…"

Remus stirred, and his eyes fluttered open. He looked at Sirius, confused a moment, before remembering where he was.

"Is it dinner already?" he asked, quietly.

"Yeah. Everyone's gone down. They asked me to wake you up."

Remus looked up at Sirius quietly for a moment. Sirius stared back, hungrily almost, like he might forget what Remus looked like if he looked away. He wouldn't, of course, having already memorized every freckle and scar that he could see.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Remus whispered.

"Like what?"

Remus stared into Sirius' eyes—grey and blue like cloudy days or the sea during a storm. He felt transfixed.

"Like…like…" like I'm something beautiful. Gorgeous. (Moons—you're the most gorgeous boy I've ever seen). "Er, I dunno. Sorry."

Sirius smiled easily and stepped back. "You alright? You seem a bit disoriented."

Remus rubbed his eyes as he stood up, shaking off the last dregs of his nap. He snorted. He was a little disoriented from his nap, but he felt most of it came from the way Sirius was looking at him. Looking at him in a way Remus was quite sure he never had before. Either way, his heart was pounding and the shock of being woken up by the boy he had a crush on and was currently fake dating (who also happened to be his best mate) inches away from his face was still setting in.

Merlin, his life was crazy.

He didn't tell Sirius any of this, obviously, only smiled back and slung his bag over his shoulder. "I'm alright. Ready to go?"

"Yeah, I'm starving." Sirius looked nervous, but held out a hand anyway. Smiling shyly, Remus took his outstretched hand.

"I can't believe they just left us here," Remus said, as they walked to the portrait hole.

"I know! We might have to make James's prank harder just for that." Remus hummed in agreement. "And would you believe, just before he left James was trying to use you to get out of his Head Boy duties."

"Classic Prongs."

"Yeah." Sirius snorted.

"What was he saying?"

"Just that since you just had your time of the month, McGonagall should let him off of his duties tonight."

"Oh! I told you twats to stop calling it my time of the month ." Remus said grumpily.

"Sorry. It is your time of the month though…" Sirius grinned as Remus swatted at his arm with his free hand.

"It's not!"

"Is too."

"Is not! Girls get their periods for like, days and days. Then the rest of the month their bodies are on this whole cycle of hormones and ovulation and—"

"Your body's on a cycle too though. The moon's cycle." Sirius paused for a moment, then looked back over at Remus. "What's ovulation?"

"Oh my god, I'm changing the topic." Remus rolled his eyes. "Did anyone think it was odd that I fell asleep? I mean, obviously you guys wouldn't but there were quite a few people in there. I didn't even mean to, really, the exhaustion just hit me so I closed my eyes for a minute and must have drifted off…"

"Oh, don't feel bad. You needed to sleep. And Lily was a little curious, but we told her it wasn't our secret to tell. She didn't mind."

"Should I tell her?" Remus asked, watching his and Sirius's intertwined hands.

"Are you sure you want to? I mean, there isn't really a need to."

"But what about after this year? We'll be out of school, living our own lives. I'll be the werewolf who no one wants to deal with and everyone is bound to find out. I might as well tell her now."

"I'll want to deal with you," Sirius's voice was quiet as he looked over at Remus. He had his eyes averted and seemed to be looking anywhere but Sirius. "You'll always have the Marauders to come back to, if you need us."

Remus looked up at him.

"Thank you, Sirius, really. I'd hug you, but those first years over there are watching us and it's a little weird."

Sirius ran a hand through his black hair and let go of Remus's hand, throwing his arm around his shoulders instead.

"I think they're jealous of us," Sirius said, grinning down at him. Remus blushed, and smiled back. "I mean, we are the most handsome boys at school."

"Actually I think you're supposed to say that I'm the most handsome and then I say 'oh, no, darling you're the most handsome!'" Remus said with a laugh. He was glad the mood had lightened, he didn't like to think too much about the future.

"Hm. Well then I suppose that while I am definitely one of the most handsome boys at this school, no one can look as effortlessly adorable as you manage to do every day, which therefore puts you at the top of the list."

"Adorable? Really?" Remus looked down and caught sight of a new, slightly pink scar on his arm that he remembered Madame Pomfrey mending that morning. He'd never once thought of himself as adorable (despite his mother's constant insistence that he was).

It took a lot of Sirius to hold back from saying what he wanted to ( The most gorgeous boy…) and he had to clear his throat before he spoke again.

"What? You're actually the most adorable person I've ever met." Sirius dragged his thumb across a scar that spanned from Remus' thumb and wrapped its way down his wrist. The scars, Sirius was quite sure, were the reason Remus felt the way he did about himself. That, and the general self-hatred over his lycanthropy. It made Sirius sad that he thought so poorly of himself. It made him want to kiss Remus and hold him and tell him just how wonderful and kind and adorable (gorgeous) he was.

Shaking off those thoughts, Sirius traced the scar on Remus' thumb again. It was from last year, and Sirius remembered it because it had been quite deep, and Madam Pomfrey kept Remus in for almost two days for that as well as some broken bones in his arm. The Marauders had switched out at Remus's bedside, but Sirius tried his best to be there as often as he could. He'd stayed there overnight, sleeping in a chair (although, to be fair, he did charm it to be squishy), and then Mary MacDonald had shown up the next morning. With flowers. "Does Mary still like you?" Sirius asked, seemingly out of the blue.

"Huh? Oh, I'm not sure. I wasn't aware she liked me in the first place."

"Please, are you forgetting that time she brought you flowers? Or that time she asked you to Hogsmeade which you thought was a friend thing, and then were surprised when she tried to kiss you at lunch? And then that time—" Remus cut him off by shoving him with his shoulder.

"Sounds like you haven't forgotten. Are you jealous, Pads?" Remus smirked.

"Me, jealous? Definitely not." He paused. "Hey, wait! You haven't told me that I'm the most handsome! Aren't you supposed to compliment me?" Sirius exclaimed. Remus shrugged.

"I'm not sure I can compete with you calling me 'effortlessly adorable', honestly."

They were both glad to have made it to the Great Hall, which meant they were saved from going any deeper into the conversation, into uncharted territory that neither were ready to explore.

Remus, personally, was quite glad to be saved from having to go on. He wasn't sure he could come up with something that sounded anywhere close to platonic, yet still genuine. (His genuine thoughts about Sirius were far from platonic).

"I told Wormtail he should turn into a rat and run across the Slytherin table, but he said he wouldn't." James told them after they'd sat down. Remus took a scoop of potatoes from a plate in front of him that had been empty moments previous.

"Wormy, that's so boring. Don't you love hearing them scream in terror like little girls?" Sirius asked. Peter looked at him oddly.

"You saying you like to hear them scream in terror is a little weird, you know that right?" Lily asked.

"Well, I didn't mean it like that . I just like playing jokes on them."

"I figured. And I like to prank them too, obviously, but I do value my life a bit more." Peter said, shuddering at the thought of being caught in his (illegal) animagus form at the Slytherin table.

"What if I dared you to do it?" James asked. Peter grinned, a little evilly.

"Considering our truth and dare has no rules, I can just not do it. Also I could just pick truth." James eyed him for a moment, then seemed to give up with a sigh of defeat.

"Do you want a dare, Prongs?" Remus asked. He and Sirius exchanged a smile.

"Why not. You've got to ask it right though, if this is a truth or dare."

"Fine, fine. Prongs, dare or dare ?"

James gasped, then pretended to swoon. "A man after my own heart. I'm not sure why I'm not dating you."

A simultaneous "HEY!" from both Sirius and Lily sent a few glances their way, and Remus tried feebly to quiet them down.

"Guys, shut up," Remus began, trying to stifle his own laughs. "James. Your dare—which is the choice I'm assuming you picked since you had no other option—is to go see Moaning Myrtle sometime this week and convince her to spend every meal on a day of your choosing following Snape around and loudly flirting with him."

James was quiet as he thought it all over. Suddenly—

"Wait a minute—Remus! Myrtle hates me!"

Remus grinned. "I thought you'd say that."

"And—?" James began. Remus shrugged.

" And you can figure it out. Besides, I think she hates Sirius the most." Sirius nearly choked on his food.

"Oi, I resent that!" he managed, choking a little as he quickly swallowed the mouthful of food he'd just put in his mouth.

"Well, it's true. Just because you're easily the most handsome at this school, doesn't mean you aren't also incredibly annoying."

"So you do think I'm the most handsome!" Sirius seemed overjoyed at this, completely ignoring the fact that he'd also been called "incredibly annoying".

"Oh, um, yes I'd say so." Remus was blushing, and he stumbled over his response. He cursed himself for not coming up with a response that was a bit more eloquent, but his brain seemed to have turned to mush.

"Aw, I knew it. Of course, you're still the most handsome in my mind—"

"Bloody hell. Guys, can you stop flirting?" Peter interrupted.

"Please," James added, flicking a piece of mashed potato at Sirius, "I can't concentrate on my food over the sound of all this ridiculous sexual tension."

"We do not have 'ridiculous sexual tension', James!" Sirius protested.

Remus had had a burst of energy from his nap, but by the time dessert rolled around, he was beginning to feel tired again. Halfway through his treacle tart, he found himself dozing off on Sirius's shoulder, something he most certainly did not mean to happen.

"You alright mate?" James asked, after he'd shaken himself awake for the second time.

"Just a little tired," Remus replied lightly, trying to downplay the tiredness and the pain that came along with having transformed into a werewolf less than 24 hours previous.

"Y'know, I was a little surprised to see you at breakfast this morning…" Peter began, glancing at the disheveled Remus. "Usually Pomfrey keeps you longer."

James, who had been with Remus when he woke up in the hospital wing that morning, chuckled darkly. "She was livid that he wanted to leave."

Remus managed a small grin. "Yeah, she thought that 'wanting to take my transfiguration exam' wasn't a good excuse. I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if she had breathed fire. I told her I felt fine though, so there wasn't anything to keep me around for."

"Except for the fact that you vomited in the corridor almost as soon as we walked out of there," James pointed out.

"Well, yeah, but I didn't vomit again after that, did I?"

"How did I miss all of this?" exclaimed Sirius, who had been listening quietly.

"You were sleeping, Padfoot." Peter said, rolling his eyes. "Maybe you should have been there, you know, for your boyfriend."

"Oh, fuck off, Wormy," Sirius grumbled. "I'm a great boyfriend, aren't I Moony?"

Remus looked at Peter, then to Sirius. Exhausted, he managed a "sure, Sirius."

"Hah! There you go."

"I think I'm going to go to sleep early, if that's alright. I'd like to be awake for the game tomorrow." Remus gave James a small smile, which he returned enthusiastically.

The following morning, the final Quidditch match of the season (Gryffindor v. Slytherin) was going to take place. It was James' last game ever on the Hogwarts team (they were all sure he'd get invited to join a team after school) and he'd been talking of little else for the past few days, spending the majority of his time zooming around the pitch, generally with the Marauders as an audience.

"Thanks, Moons! I hope you feel better in the morning," said James. The others said goodnight, and Remus left, thinking happily of his bed and finally being able to sleep. He made a mental note to leave Sirius his chocolate on his bed before he forgot.

Sirius watched Remus' small frame until he'd turned the corner and was gone from view. He looked back down, pushing the remains of a treacle tart around with his fork.

"Are you worried about him?" It was Lily, scooting closer to the three boys, her voice hushed.

"Hm? Oh, well, I bit. He's been ill these past few days." Sirius didn't meet her eyes.

"He's been ill for the past seven years, Sirius," her voice was soft, but Sirius' eyes were sharp when he looked up at her.

"Yes, everyone knows he's ill. Sometimes he gets bad relapses and…" Peter spoke this time, hurrying through his words as he jumped to defend Remus. None of them were fond of lying to Lily, not even Remus, but it was a necessary evil for the time being.

"I know he's ill, and I've…" Lily paused, bottom lip drawn up between her teeth. "I've had a feeling for a few years that—well and I, and I feel awful for bringing it up now considering…but—is Remus a werewolf?"

Chapter 5: stay?

Notes:

A little short chapter to finish off Friday! It's essentially five pages of them flirting and cuddling. So enjoy that lol.

EDITED: 6.12.21
hello hello. I spent far too long trying to figure out the alcohol content of firewhisky & how many bottles it would take to get an average person drunk. honestly I still don't really know but I think it's quite strong???? so like maybe 3ish??? if u are a harry potter alcohol fanatic do let me know.

(also, I kept the origins of the infamous "sirius can't read" joke in this chapter. originally when I wrote this fic I accidentally made it so many times people thought he was illiterate. sirius can read. this had been a psa.)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

" I glow pink in the night in my room

I've been blossoming alone over you

And I hear my heart breaking tonight

I hear my heart breaking tonight

Do you hear it too? "

— "pink in the night," mitski

"I don't understand how you figured it out," Peter mumbled, after all three boys reluctantly told Lily she was correct in her assumptions. They'd all been wary, but Sirius had tried to reason with himself that Remus was going to tell her. Besides, this was Lily Evans —they could trust her.

"I think I've known for a long time, really. I noticed a few years back that his hospital visits and 'relapses' seemed to be only once a month. Then I realized they all coincided with the full moon." She cleared her throat. "Also, I er—I saw you all last month. I'd been looking out the window when on patrol and saw you three turn into...well, turn into animals I suppose. Don't tell Remus I know if you think he'll get upset. I didn't want to say anything to his face and certainly not today of all days…" Lily explained, looking a little anxiously at the Marauders in front of her.

They all were quiet. Sirius had his arms crossed, his expression bordering on anger as he listened. James wasn't giving much away by his expression, but Peter looked so nervous Sirius wouldn't have been surprised if he burst into tears. Finally, Sirius decided to speak.

"I'll tell him," Sirius said, voice even. "It's better he knows that you know, and also that you aren't going to judge him for it. Which you won't, right Evans? Because if you do judge him I will quite literally hex you into the next century."

"Of course I support him, idiot. Put your wand down." She tried to swat Sirius's wand away from her face.

"How'd you know it was us? The animals, I mean," James asked.

"Well you were all invisible at first, under that bloody cloak I'm sure, but then I saw a rat appear out of nowhere and scuttle towards the Whomping Willow. Then you two appeared and changed as well. How'd you manage to become animagi? Don't you need to do that through the ministry? You three could have gotten yourselves killed!"

"We're illegal animagi. It's not too difficult, really—we just read the books, followed the instructions, y'know…"

"It was a little harder than that," Peter muttered under his breath. James ignored his comment.

"And trust me, Moony gave us enough ' you could have been killed ' talk to last a lifetime." James paused, then grinned down at his girlfriend. "Wanna see me transform into a stag?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You are such a show-off."

"What! Says the boy who transforms into a dog whenever he gets the chance."

"Well, I mostly transform so I can scare the shit out of Professor Nitt by making her think I'm the Grimm. Also the belly rubs." James smiled at this, and their bickering stopped.

"The Grimm prank is a classic."

"Sometimes you guys freak me out." Lily said, shaking her head.

"So the terrorizing teachers freaks you out but not the illegal animagi bit?" There was a pause, where James thought about what he'd just said. "Y'know, honestly none of that sounds all that great."

Up in the dorm, Remus was still wide awake. He'd pulled on his pyjamas and climbed into bed, the lamp on his bedside table washing his corner of the room in warm yellow light. He stared out of the window for a while, watching the clouds float lazily across the lake and the mountains beyond.

Of course, initially he had been excited to sleep, but then he'd remembered the dreams. He knew he was in for a night of nightmare after nightmare. It would be a sleepless night, he was sure—and Remus was dreading it. He supposed he could go get a sleeping draught from Madam Pomfrey, but he thought if he showed his face in the hospital wing so soon after his escape she might not let him leave again. So, instead, Remus grabbed his new Charms book from his bedside table, and began to read in the hopes that it might make him sleepy.

He was halfway through a very boring chapter on the creation of a charm that's sole purpose was to clean tea kettles, when he heard the soft pads of feet outside on the stairs. Four feet—or rather, paws. He sighed, but kept reading, hoping maybe Sirius would just leave him be. He'd only gone a few more pages when there was the squeak of the door opening, the quiet rustle of something moving through the room, and then a huge black dog jumping on the bed.

"Hello, Sirius." Remus said, looking up casually over the top of his book. The dog whimpered, as if disappointed. "Are you upset that you didn't scare me? Because first of all, that isn't very nice considering I'm recovering from my transformation into a werewolf; and second of all, because I just transformed into a werewolf, I happen to have heightened senses. I heard you outside the door just a few moments ago."

Padfoot sighed, then changed tactics. He chased his tail a bit, jumped around on the bed, then, after finding Remus was too absorbed in his book to notice him, he tried pulling it out of his hands with his teeth.

"Sirius! That's a library book! How am I going to explain the slobber to Madam Pince?" Remus grumbled, wrenching the book out of his mouth. He placed it gingerly back on his bedside table, looking on in mild disgust as a glob of slobber slowly dripped off the edge of the book and landed unceremoniously on the table.

Sirius transformed back into a human and found himself sitting on Remus's legs. "Tell her you had a bit of a furry little problem?"

"You're insufferable." With Sirius sitting across his lap, grinning, Remus found he wasn't as angry as he was before and his words came out far more lovingly then they perhaps should have.

"Insufferable? Did you eat a dictionary before I came up here?" Sirius teased him, rolling off Remus' legs and flopping down beside him, head in his lap.

"Ha ha. Insufferable isn't actually that hard of a word. Have you ever read a dictionary?" Remus asked, looking down at Sirius. He felt quite nervous, practically cuddling Sirius in their empty dormitory. Sirius pretended to look hurt.

"Oof. Moony, you know how I feel about that topic. I thought we already discussed that my parents didn't love me enough to teach me how to read."

"Ah, right. How could I forget. It's a wonder you're passing your classes, to be honest."

"Yeah, well, Wormtail usually reads everything to me. And if he can't, I just get by with my good looks and charm."

"Of course. Who needs to be literate when you have good looks and charm?" Remus teased him. Without really thinking he let his left hand travel to the ends of Sirius's black curly hair, which was splayed out beneath him, and twisted a curl around his finger. Remus knew his sheets would smell like coconut shampoo later.

"Are you playing with my hair?" Sirius whispered.

"No. Perhaps it's a ghost?"

"A ghost? Moony, I think you've been at Hogwarts long enough to know how ghosts work. Also, I wasn't aware there were any ghosts who looked just like my best friend Remus." Sirius reached up and grabbed Remus's hand, pulling it away from his hair. "And he has the same gorgeous hands as him too. The resemblance is truly uncanny."

"Uncanny? Get that from the dictionary?"

"Well, ghost-who-looks-like-Remus, I happen to have a friend, Moony, who sometimes uses big words that I pick up on." Sirius tilted his chin up a bit so he could see Remus, and smiled. Remus smiled back, but felt himself blush as Sirius continued to trace the freckles and scars on his hand.

"You are so weird, Sirius Black." They were quiet a moment, and Remus found he was enjoying the silence so much more than he had been before Sirius had arrived. "Where are the others?"

"Downstairs. There's a pre-game party going on. I imagine there'll be a post-game party as well. If they win, of course."

"Oh. That's nice."

"Yeah, though it's not all that fun because James isn't letting anyone on the team drink. Says we need to be in tip-top shape for the game tomorrow, as if he's in charge or something. Besides, I never even get hungover! Such a stick-in-the-mud, our Prongsy."

"Clearly he's taking his demotion from Quidditch Captain well."

"Yeah, well, we all know he still acts like he's the captain. I don't even think Marlene minds, really. We all indulge the bloke."

Remus hummed in agreement, before looking down at Sirius with a grin. "You so get hungover."

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do. Remember the day after Halloween? You complained all day. And you'd only had like maybe two Firewhiskys."

"I'd chugged them, Rem. Anyway, surely I had more than that. Wasn't it more like three? Four?"

Remus gave Sirius a pat on the head, a bit like he would when he was a dog. "Nope. When will you accept that you're a lightweight?"

"I'm not!"

"You're in denial, Pads." Remus shook his head in mock seriousness. "You accidentally got drunk off Butterbeer when we were fourteen."

Sirius pouted. "I was small!"

"We were the same size then."

"Oi! What's with all the bullying tonight?" Sirius asked, smiling to show he wasn't really that upset.

"Sorry." Remus looked back out of the window again. It was so intensely peaceful outside, he thought. The sounds of laughter from downstairs could be heard, quiet and muffled as if they were listening through water.

Sirius looked up at Remus' face, cast partly in shadow from his bedside lamp. He looked a little upset, brows furrowed just barely and lips downturned into a tiny frown. Sirius sighed, and reached up to poke him in the cheek.

"Yes?" Remus spared him a tight smile, and Sirius frowned.

"I'm not actually upset, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"Then what's got you all mopey?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "You really know how to comfort a guy, Pads."

With a huff, Sirius rolled onto his stomach and grabbed both of Remus' hands in his. "Remus Jonathan Lupin, what ever ails you this fine evening?"

This time Remus smiled a real smile, and Sirius couldn't help but grin back. "That's not my middle name, you fool."

Sensing perhaps that he had been holding Remus' hands for too long, Sirius let them go and sat up, leaning up across from Remus against one of the banister's on his four-poster. He let their legs settle together where they met in the middle of the bed, hoping Remus didn't pull away. He didn't.

"Well, Mr. John Lupin, what's wrong?"

"I dunno. Just stressed I suppose," Remus supplied. He fell silent, and Sirius raised an eyebrow at him.

"...And?"

Remus huffed. "Stop pestering me, Sirius. I don't want to talk about it."

"It's moon stuff, isn't it?" Sirius asked calmly. He and Remus weren't strangers to the occasional tiff, and he wasn't going to back down now.

Remus merely stared at him, lips pursed in a way that reminded Sirius of McGonagall. He told him as such.

Remus huffed again, though this time he was fighting down a smile. "You're annoying."

"So are you. Glad we've got that in common."

"I can tell you're not going to leave this alone."

"Nope."

"Fine! I'll bloody tell you," Remus poked Sirius' leg with his foot. "It is moon stuff. It's just…since we talked on the way to dinner I keep thinking about Lily. I mean, we've been friends for just about seven years and she still doesn't know the…the truth about who I am."

Sirius cocked his head. "What? That you secretly read Jane Austen novels when you can't sleep? Or that you listen to Fleetwood Mac when you miss your mum?"

"The fact that I'm a werewolf, Sirius."

As soon as Remus had said what was bothering him, he knew there was something Sirius wasn't telling him. He waited a beat for Sirius to speak, but he said nothing, eyes downcast to his hands in his lap.

"Something to add, Padfoot?"

Sirius finally looked up at him. "Lily knows. About the…uh, werewolf thing."

"Who told her?" Remus asked, voice quiet. For one sickening moment, he imagined Snape—his leering grin as he divulged Remus' darkest secret to his slimy little friends, to Lily. "Was it Sn—"

"Oh! No, not him. She figured it out on her own. She—she didn't want to say because she was worried about upsetting you and well, I told her I'd do it. She's totally fine with it."

"I suppose she was always going to find out at some point. Are you sure she's okay with it? I mean, she isn't…she's not disgusted is she?" He asked the last question quietly, looking across the gap between them to meet Sirius' eyes.

" Never , Moony. She just wants to be there for you, like we do, I promise." Quiet. "Are you tired?"

"I should be. Perhaps I'll turn the light off now. Try to fall asleep." However, the thought didn't appeal to him at all anymore. He was entirely in control, when he was awake.

"Would you like me to stay?" Sirius proposed, voice quiet. Remus felt his heart lurch.

"Stay?"

"Well, it's just I know you get terrible nightmares, so I thought I could just stay here, be a comfort. If you want, of course." Sirius grinned then, "You know I'm good at comforting people."

Remus regarded him for a moment. Adorable, hair messy, in his bed. Asking to stay in his bed.

"Okay," Remus said slowly, not entirely sure what he was signing up for. It wasn't that they'd never shared a bed, but it was more the fact that Remus was desperately in love with him and they were supposed to be fake dating. Was it weird to share a bed with your crush when you were also pretending to be a couple?

Sirius grinned even wider, and jumped up to put his pajamas on. He came back a few minutes later, and settled into the space Remus had made on the bed.

"This bed was not made for two people," grumbled Remus, trying to find a comfortable position that didn't end up with him fully cuddling Sirius. Of course, he'd have loved to cuddle him, but he was sure Sirius would think that was weird. Even if he was the one who suggested it in the first place. (Why did he suggest it?)

Eventually, they ended up laying on their sides, face to face. Remus wasn't sure if it really was any better than cuddling. In the dark, he could barely make out Sirius' eyes and the curve of his lips as he smiled at him.

"Is this strange?" Sirius asked. Remus chuckled, hoping he didn't sound as nervous as he felt.

"I don't think so. Prongs and Wormtail will make fun of us tomorrow, though."

"It's worth it. Do I get a goodnight kiss?"

Remus knew he was joking, but he said it with such a straight face he could hardly formulate a response.

"No. I should go to sleep." Remus closed his eyes, and tried to ignore Sirius' eyes boring into him, barely inches away.

"Alright then. Goodnight, Moony."

Sirius reached out, and grabbed one of Remus's hands. Remus felt his heart beat faster, and he opened his eyes.

"I can't sleep if you're holding my hand." Remus murmured. Sirius stuck his tongue out at him.

"You are so boring, Lupin."

"Go to bed, Black." Remus rolled over, and closed his eyes, letting exhaustion take him.

Notes:

friday is over! time for the weekend. i hope you all enjoyed the chapter! as always, pls comment and kudos!

Chapter 6: happy christmas, padfoot

Notes:

fuck zodiac signs, what scent is your shampoo?

EDITED: 6.27.21
been super busy but finally finished this chapter! there was a lot I wanted to change. biggest thing is that Sirius is now also on the Quidditch team all the time and Remus is the announcer. I honestly changed like most of this chapter lmao. it's a lot longer now. enjoy this 4k word rollercoaster !

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

" Sometimes I wonder; when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time "

— "delicate," taylor swift

saturday, december 14, 1977

Remus woke to a screech. He groaned and rolled over, pressing his face into a pillow that smelled oddly familiar—like coconuts and boy and something warm and earthy. Sirius . It hit him then, face pressed into his pillow, that he and Sirius had just shared a bed . Not because of nightmares, but rather on purpose, and all night long.

Except now, Sirius was gone.

Remus rolled onto his back, opened his bleary eyes, and sat up a bit so he was resting on his forearms and could survey the whole room, doused in early morning December light.

Before Remus could say anything about the shriek he'd just heard, there was a crash, a lot of rustling, then Sirius burst from the bathroom, towel wrapped around his hips and an angry expression on his face. His black wavy hair was dripping, sending rivulets of water down his neck, pooling in his collarbones, and flowing down over his chest. Remus looked away before he could let his gaze travel further than Sirius' faint six-pack, staring intently at a very boring piece of wall instead. (Definitely not thinking about the way the water clung to Sirius' pale skin, or the freckle just to the left of his bellybutton). ( Bloody fucking Christ ).

"JAMES POTTER," Sirius growled, thankfully shaking Remus from his reverie. "what the fuck is this?"

James was howling with laughter, and had to dodge a shampoo bottle that Sirius had just chucked at his head.

"What did you do with my shampoo?" Sirius was glaring at James, who was only just recovering his ability to speak.

"Well, Pads, you were just so adorable cuddling with Moony when we came upstairs last night, and I couldn't help myself … so," he chuckled and looked at Peter in the next bed over, who was biting the insides of his cheeks to stop from laughing, "I switched your shampoo with eggnog."

" What? "

"The Muggle Christmas drink! Happy Christmas, Padfoot!"

"Where did you even get eggnog?" Sirius asked, his curiosity winning over his anger for just a moment.

"I had my parents send me some from the Muggle village near where we live. I thought we could spike it for our Christmas party next week." Sirius looked almost proud, but then remembered he was supposed to be angry.

"You're insufferable, Prongs." He crossed his arms, and went back to glaring at his best friend.

"Insufferable? Where'd you learn that one, Pads?" Remus called out then, his voice still laced with sleep.

"Moony! You're up! And, to answer your question, I learned it last night from a ghost who looked just like you." Sirius grinned at Remus, who rolled his eyes fondly in return. Peter and James exchanged confused looks.

"What the hell does that mean? Is that like a euphemism or something?" James asked.

"Oh you are on thin bloody ice , Potter."

"Doesn't answer my question…"

"Moony, I'm going to use your shampoo," Sirius called out loudly, ignoring James as he turned to go back into the bathroom.

"Alright."

"You four are up to something." It was Frank, sitting on the edge of his bed pulling on his shoes.

"What do you mean?" James asked, feigning innocence.

"Yeah, we're never up to anything," Remus said, turning his head so he could smile sweetly at Frank a few beds down.

"Never ever!" Peter added enthusiastically.

"Yeah right." Frank rolled his eyes. "I just—I mean, are you really dating Sirius? You guys shared a bed and all, plus you've basically been all over each other since yesterday morning but you're always like that so—"

"We are dating," Remus said swiftly, cutting him off.

"Er, okay…" Frank stood up and made his way to the door. "I'll leave you all to your plotting, or whatever it is you four do. Good luck at the game, James. Tell Sirius I wish him good luck too."

"Thanks, mate!"

When Frank was gone, the door firmly shut behind him, Remus looked back up at his friends. "Were Sirius and I actually cuddling?"

"Practically spooning . It was disgusting." James said, scrunching his nose.

"That's homophobic, James." Sirius said, walking out of the bathroom, hair freshly washed with Remus's Tea Tree shampoo.

"Wait! No! I didn't mean it like that, idiot," James threw something at Sirius, but he stopped it with a flick of his wand.

"Whatever you say, Prongs. Although I will say that it wasn't 'spooning' when Moony hit me in the face."

"Hey! You hit me in the face too! You also threw your arm over my face at one point and I could barely breathe. You could have smothered me, Pads." Remus hurriedly pulled on his sweater so he could respond. Today, he was wearing a red and gold striped one his mother had knit him.

"Yours was more of a punch, I'd say. I wouldn't be surprised if it bruised." Sirius was grinning, and Remus narrowed his eyes challengingly at him.

"Bruised?! You're ridiculous. Let me see it then."

"See it?"

"Yeah! Come here, since you're so injured…" Remus made a grab for Sirius, who was standing by his bed wearing only trousers, his Quidditch jersey in his hands. Sirius dodged his grasp with a laugh.

"Peter, I feel like we should leave… this seems like a private moment…" James muttered, as he and Peter watched them fight, giggling as they jumped about.

"I'm honestly shocked they aren't really dating at this point…" Peter murmured.

"I feel the same. It's not looking good, Pete. They're truly clueless."

The Marauders made their way down to breakfast that morning much more energetic than the day before. James and Sirius entered first with the rest of the Quidditch team to loud cheers from most of the hall. When Remus and Peter entered behind them, Remus noticed that he was getting quite a bit more attention than usual, noticing giggling and whispering as he passed the tables.

Settling into his seat next to Sirius, Remus leaned in closer to his friends. "Why is everyone looking at us so much?"

"That, dear Moony, would be the brilliant work of Wormtail and myself," James announced proudly. When he didn't get more than a raised eyebrow from Remus, he sighed. "Everyone totally thinks you're dating. I heard some pretty crazy rumors coming from the Ravenclaw table. Basically, they were saying that you and Pads…well, honestly I don't fully—er, how do two guys even have "—his voice dropped to a whisper, as if he were about to say something scandelous—"sex?"

Sirius barked out a laugh, then buried his head in his hands to muffle his giggles.

"Oh my god." Remus flushed and dropped his head into his arms on the table. "Oh my god . I wish you had bloody smothered me last night, Sirius."

Sirius dropped his hands and looked up. "Kinky."

"Sirius!" Remus raised his head to glare at him. "You're not helping!"

"Sorry!"

"Why's everyone so invested anyway? We've been 'dating' for what, a day ? Do they think I'm that bloody desperate to get into Sirius' pants?" Remus asked, pushing his eggs around his plate.

"Most people are," Sirius said.

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. "Alright, Mr. Ego."

Sirius gave him his most blinding grin. "Anyways, who's to say I wasn't desperate to get into your pants?"

Remus had no response to that and could only manage to open and close his mouth a few times ( like a fish , he thought) before James snorted and Peter let out a little giggle.

"You two are idiots. Absolute idiots." James shook his head and Peter had to cover his mouth with his hand as he struggled to contain his growing laughter.

"I don't get it, why are they laughing at us?" Sirius asked, leaning into Remus.

"Who knows. Weirdos." Remus stuck out his tongue at them across the table.

"You two are the weirdos." James said, sticking out his tongue in return. "You know Wormy," he said then, directing his attention towards Peter, "I've half a mind to go spread some rumors of my own. We're credible sources after all—best mates and we share a dorm room with the two fools."

Peter didn't even have time to respond before Remus was angrily brandishing his fork in the face of one smirking James Potter.

"I'm not being funny, James Potter, if you even dare spread a single rumor you'll be doing your own homework for the next month."

"I'm not being funny ," James parroted, in a terrible—in Remus' opinion—Welsh accent.

"Are you mocking me?"

"Definitely not, my sweet little Moony."

"You're mocking me."

"I'm practicing my Welsh accent. Is that a crime?"

"You're being a dick, Prongs."

"Language, Remus!"

Remus grumbled something unintelligible and looked back down at his (now quite cold) eggs. He felt Sirius' shoulder nudge against his and, instead of pulling away, stayed a warm and familiar presence against his side.

Remus was still reeling a bit from the whole rumors situation (and James's inquires about gay sex, although he was mostly trying to forget that bit). He found it odd that groups of giggling students were speculating about his and Sirius' relationship. A relationship that wasn't even real , no matter how desperately he wished it was. (He really, really wished it was).

"Lily!" James' voice shook Remus from his thoughts (which were inching closer and closer into I-wonder-what-would-happen-if-I-just-snogged-Sirius-right-now territory).

"Morning, love." She dropped into the seat beside James. "You alright there, Remus?"

"Oh, yeah, m'alright." Remus shook himself and sat a little straighter, fully abandoning his eggs (a lost cause at this point) and gnawing instead on a piece of toast (which was slathered in a mix of all the fruity jams the Gryffindor table had to offer. Remus Lupin did not take toast spreads lightly). "If you must know, your boyfriend is mocking me for being Welsh. Which I thought was something that we left behind in first year."

Remus sent James a pointed look, but the other boy didn't seem bothered. James grinned and shrugged. When he spoke again, it was in the same silly Welsh accent he'd done before. "What can I say, I'm an eleven year old at heart."

Remus frowned and looked again at Lily. " Lily ." He felt and sounded rather like a petulant child.

"James, don't be rude to your friends," she began, sounding as exasperated as Remus felt. "Especially the poor little Werewolf ones who—" realizing what she'd just said, Lily's eyes widened and she gasped.

There was a deafening silence between the four boys as they all looked at Lily, mouths agape.

"Oh Remus, I'm—"

But what she was no one ever found out, because as soon as Remus let out the first chuckle, the floodgates opened and the four boys were nearly in tears from laughter. Lily (who most certainly did not find this a laughing matter) watched on in confusion, only able to let out a few uncertain chuckles of her own.

As he sat, laughing at the absolute ridiculousness of his life, Remus came to somewhat of an epiphany. Nothing in his life was normal, but sitting there, surrounded by his laughing friends, he knew he'd be okay as long as they all were together.

A few minutes after the Werewolf joke, Sirius found himself watching fondly as Remus set about preparing another slice of toast. By now, he knew how Remus liked it—cherry, apricot, strawberry, then a bit of the blueberry. All mixed into a concoction of jams that, in Sirius' opinion, wasn't very good at all. Remus liked it though.

Remus was also staring at him.

"Alright, Pads?"

"Oh. Yes, alright. Sorry. Just thinking about the game." (He was not thinking about the game).

"How we're going to win the game, I hope you mean," James said, in his stern I'm the Captain voice. (Even though he was very much not the captain anymore).

"Of course, Jamie," Sirius replied briskly. "I was thinking about how I'm looking forward to getting all my anger out on those bloody Slytherins."

"Alright, Padfoot, I think you're trying to win, not get permanently kicked off the team." Remus said with a laugh.

"They can't kick me off, it's the last game," Sirius said simply. He turned to Remus with a sly grin. "What do you know about Quidditch rules anyway, mister?"

"I'm literally the announcer, Sirius."

"Doesn't mean you know the rules."

"It…actually does."

"You think our Moony wouldn't have bloody memorized that rule book once he got the job?" Peter asked with a snort.

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you just implied that I actually follow the rules , Wormtail." Remus said, eyebrow raised.

"You're a prefect, Remus."

"You're head boy, James."

"Fair point."

"I merely like to be prepared," Remus said, shrugging.

"Our Moons, always prepared." Sirius grinned and reached over to mess up Remus' hair. The other boy frowned and ran his fingers through it in an attempt to smooth it back down.

"I'm quite excited for the game," Peter said, smiling as he reached for another piece of toast. "I love seeing you two play. It's just…so exciting when you hit the balls and catch them and throw them…"

"Eloquent, Worm," Sirius said. Peter stuck his tongue out at him.

"I love Quidditch…" James added, grinning.

"Oh, trust me, we know." Remus said. James pretended not to have heard him.

"You know, if I ever have a son, I'll train him to be the best Quidditch player in the world."

"What if you have a daughter?" Lily asked.

"Oh, well obviously I'd do the same." There was a moment's quiet, before James looked over at Lily with a grin. "Are you saying you want to have kids with me?"

"Oh, Merlin. " Sirius groaned. Remus dropped his face into his hands and Peter sighed heavily. Lily was blushing as she tried to hide her grin.

"What? It was just a question!" James exclaimed defensively.

"Can we just have one normal conversation this morning? One that doesn't end up… here ?" Remus asked, poking at the discarded toast crusts on the side of his plate.

"Are you going to eat those?" Sirius asked, prodding the crusts on Remus' plate.

"Nah, you can have them. I'm surprised you asked this time."

"Well, we're dating now, so I figured that means I need to ask for your crusts."

"I'm not sure where the logic lies in that, but I appreciate the gesture."

The Gryffindor changing rooms were filled with a low buzz of chatter as the team scurried about, muttering about plays and the weather and who moved that bloody blackboard . James and Sirius were tucked away in a quiet corner. Sirius had taken over an entire bench, laying flat on his back with his arms draped off the sides, fingers just barely able to scrape over the worn cobblestone floors.

"It was mortifying , Prongs. I'll never recover."

"You kissed him on the cheek." James was on the bench next to him, bent over his broom as he carefully scuffed out invisible marks along its shiny wood surface. "It's not like you bloody made out with the bloke."

Sirius groaned and covered his face with his hands. "It's worse! It's awful! You kissed Lily and then I—I don't even know what happened; I just leaned in! And there I was! With my lips on the cheek of one Remus bloody Lupin!"

"I'm sure he didn't mind, Pads, honestly. You two are meant to be dating anyways, it's not that weird."

Sirius' hands fell to the floor again, and he lolled his head to the side to stare despairingly at James. "His skin is so soft and he smelled liked strawberry jam," Sirius said quietly, deploying his saddest puppy dog eyes.

James snorted loudly as he stood up, broom in one hand. He looked down at Sirius. "What you need, mate, is to get a life."

"Oi! I listened to you rhapsodize about Lily for years . Don't think I've forgotten— Her hair looks like fire tumbling down her back in wavy, gorgeous locks. She's got these green eyes like grass in the springtime, sparkling emeralds, fresh pickled toads… "

James scoffed and went to walk away. Sirius got up to follow him. "I never said she had eyes like fresh pickled toads."

Sirius leant against the wall as James put away the things he'd been using to polish his broom. "Yes you did. Third year, potions, stupid lovesick expression on your face as you diced up literal dead, pickled toads."

"Yeah, well, you're one to talk! Mister do you think Moony will mind if I wear his sweater? It smells like him… Have you noticed the way Moony's got bits of green flecked in his eyes? Do you think Moony got a haircut over break? Do you think Moony—"

Blushing, Sirius jumped at James and pulled him into a headlock. Shrieking with laughter, James tried to wiggle free, finally succeeding by tickling Sirius until he released him, both laughing as they wrestled.

"Oi! Can you two keep the fighting to a minimum please?" It was Marlene, hands on her hips as she stood in front of an annotated map of the Quidditch pitch. Colored arrows, illegible writing, and the occasional squiggle adorned every inch of the map. "Some of us are trying to win the Quidditch Cup here."

Sirius heard James' sharp intake of breath and watched as he stepped away and straightened up, fixing his robes. "I'm trying to win the Quidditch Cup as well, actually ," he said importantly, bustling over to Marlene and leaving Sirius without another word.

With a fond huff and roll of his eyes, Sirius grabbed his broom (top of the line—a congrats-on-starting-your-final-year-of-school-and-running-away-from-your-family present to himself) and went to join James by the board.

"And finally onto the field we've got chaser James Potter and Beater Sirius Black! Potter's been a star member of the team since he joined as a second year, and will no doubt get many offers to play on the national level once he graduates." The crowd cheered loudly at this, and Remus watched from the announcer's box as Sirius gave James a high five. Then, basking under the attention as usual, James did an exaggerated bow and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"As the Gryffindor and Slytherin teams line up, Potter messes up his hair for the upteenth time! He probably thinks he looks cool, but he really just looks like a twat." Remus heard McGonagall grumble from behind him, so he quickly cleared his throat and continued. "Gryffindor Captain Marlene McKinnon steps up to shake hands with Slytherin Captain Regulus Black. Now, remember Marly, if you break his hand then you'll have a better chance of catching the Snitch first!"

"Lupin!"

"Sorry, Professor! I was only kidding, really." Remus smiled sweetly at her. "The Captains have shaken hands, all bones intact, and…Madam Hooch blows her whistle! The game has begun!"

Sirius loved Quidditch. He liked the feeling of pushing off from the ground, the wind whistling in his ears, watching the students turn into a multicolored blur. He took it all in—the broom beneath his hands, the swooping feeling in his gut as he sped through the sky, the crowd screaming behind him. This would be his last ever Quidditch game. Unlike James, he wasn't going to pursue any kind of professional Quidditch career after school. He could, if he wanted, but truthfully he didn't know what he wanted.

None of that mattered now though. He forced himself to be in the moment, to appreciate the first of many lasts he knew he'd be experiencing this year. Drawing his eyes away from the game for a moment, he looked over at Remus in the announcer's box, McGonagall glowering behind him. He was in his element, cracking jokes and making sarcastic comments as McGonagall slowly got more and more agitated.

Looking away from Remus, Sirius did a few laps around the pitch, watching the Slytherin beaters carefully. Gryffindor was winning by twenty points when Sirius decided to go a little higher for more of a bird's eye view. He didn't go too far, in case he was needed, so he ended up hovering just above the game, eyes scanning the players below him. He caught sight of Remus again, cheering as Gryffindor scored, and remembered the night before.

As he let himself fly a bit lower, he thought about how Remus had actually let him sleep in bed with him (on purpose, all night) when there was a loud whoosh by his ear, and a bludger streaked past him. Sirius spun around, and was met with the leering face of one of the Slytherin beaters.

"Don't get distracted, Black. You wouldn't want to get hurt and ruin that pretty face of yours."

"I appreciate the compliment, Goyle, but you're not my type." Sirius hit the bludger hard, and Goyle nearly fell off his broom in an attempt to avoid it.

"Nice one, Pads!" James said on his way past. Sirius grinned at him. He was just about to respond when the other Slytherin beater, who was behind Sirius, hit the bludger back towards him. Sirius didn't see it this time, and it slammed into his broom, splintering the handle and causing Sirius to be chucked off towards the hard, snowy ground.

"Potter makes another goal, bringing the score up to 60-20, with Gryffindor in the lead!" The crowd cheered. Remus watched the game idly for a moment, waiting for something interesting to happen. A gasp rippled through the crowd and Remus watched as Goyle hit a bludger at Sirius. Thankfully, he managed to hit it back. "Black and Goyle seem to have had an altercation involving a near miss with a bludger. I'm sure it's hard to get through his thick head, but surely Goyle knows it's against the rules to— Sirius watch out !" It was no use.

Sirius wouldn't have been able to dodge the bludger in time.

Remus watched, as if in slow motion, as Sirius fell to the ground, landing in a heap on the remnants of last night's snow. Gasps echoed through the stands, and Remus sat in shocked silence, unable to say anything at all.

An hour later, Sirius was tucked away in a hospital bed, still under the effects of whatever potions Pomfrey had given him. Remus sat to the left of him, holding his hand (because he wanted to, although he tried to justify it by thinking James would get a kick out of it). Peter and James were sitting on his right side and Lily at the foot of the bed. The rest of the team was outside, as Ponmfrey would only allow a few guests at a time.

"Padfoot! How do you feel?" James asked, when Sirius first opened his eyes.

"Er, hungry," he said, blinking up at the ceiling. "Head hurts a bit."

Everyone let out a sigh of relief.

"We were really worried," Lily said, hands tangled in her lap, eyes wide.

"Sorry, Flower," He grinned down at her then looked over at James. "Did we win?"

"Well, we had to end the game once you fell, but we were winning before that and Slytherin got disqualified so basically we won."

Sirius sat up too fast, yelped when a sharp pain shot through his head, and was pushed back down again by Peter and Remus.

"That's brilliant," he said with a grin, hand pressed up against his throbbing head.

" Sirius ," Remus tutted, "you fell a really long way!"

"What?" Sirius asked, cracking a small smile, "did you think I was seriously injured?"

"You broke some ribs and your arm, and, need I reiterate, fell nearly twenty feet!" Remus exclaimed. Sirius turned to look at him, as if he'd only just realized he was there, and his eyes traveled down to their connected hands. Remus tried to pull his hands away, but Sirius was too quick for him and held on tight.

"Mending bones is nothing, Moons. Surely—" Sirius broke off, realizing what he was about to say. "Er, I mean...Sorry."

"It's fine," murmured Remus quietly, eyes cast downwards towards their connected hands. His heart was pounding still from the experience of watching Sirius fall, and then collapse, onto the ground. It was the closest he'd ever come to losing Sirius, and he felt ill at the thought of having to live a life without him in it.

For the first time, sitting in a hard wooden chair, hand in hand with Sirius under the bright Hospital Wing lights, Remus thought—

Is this what it feels like to be in love?

Notes:

I hope you liked the chapter !! When I was writing it I got some ~really~ good ideas for future chapters so get excited for that haha. see you next time ! ily ! pls comment and kudos

Chapter 7: the epitome of youth

Notes:

good evening! i've been pretty busy lately so it's been a few days since my last update, but I'm hoping i'll have some time to just chill and write soon. my main note for this chapter is that i've added midterms to hogwarts? i assumed they had like pre-christmas break tests but i don't think they do and honestly i don't even think it's a think in the U.K. in general. anyway, they're a part of the story now lol.

EDITED: 6.29.21
bit of filler chapter tbh & I didn't edit much! hopefully I'll get the next edited chapter out this week too :)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

" It's dusk falling to dark.

I listen to music.

I eat up a few wild poems

while time creeps along

as though it's got all day.

This is what I have,

The dull hangover of waiting,

the blush of my heart on the damp grass,

the flower-faced moon. "

— "little crazy love song," mary oliver

It was early afternoon when the snow started up again. The Marauders were lounged about the common room, trying to study for their exams and ignore the sounds of the younger kids screeching happily as they ran around outside.

"Why are they having so much fun ?" Sirius groaned, letting his head fall onto his open potions textbook. He'd been let out of the hospital wing around lunch, and was feeling much better. Madam Pomfrey had given him a potion for his headache and he couldn't even feel his recently mended bones anymore. His only lasting wound was his now destroyed broomstick (his friends had to listen to hours of " I just bought it! I mean I'd ridden it like, a handful of times and… " In short, they had been carefully avoiding any conversation that could possibly turn towards Quidditch since lunch).

"I suspect they aren't as stressed about getting good grades as we are. We've got NEWTS coming up, and these mid-term exams give us a good look at our end of year exams," Remus said. He was laying across the couch, face hidden behind a book. Old assignments and papers littered the ground around him. Occasionally he'd summon one, read it over, then let it fall back down onto the rug.

" I'm not stressed about grades." Sirius said firmly, sitting up again and turning to look at Remus. Sirius was sprawled out on the rug next to the fire, a neat stack of books next to his head. Remus looked up from behind his Ancient Runes book and gave Sirius a pointed look. Sirius groaned again. "Oh, Merlin, I am stressed about grades…" he let his head fall back down onto his book.

"Just think! One week from now we'll be done with exams, Christmas will be days away, and we'll be at Hogsmeade," James said, staring dreamily out of the snow-speckled window.

"I am excited for Christmas…" said Sirius thoughtfully, as if it had only just occurred to him.

"Really?" said Peter, jumping at any excuse to look away from the astronomy paper of Remus' he was trying to decipher.

"Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard you say you're excited for Christmas," said James, eyebrows furrowed. Sirius rolled onto his back, so he was staring up at the ceiling.

"Well, you wouldn't be excited either if you were going back to the Black household. Orion and Walburga are a nightmare, not to mention the rest of them. Narcissa isn't the worst, but Bellatrix can be awful. And then there's their husbands…" The boys sat quietly as they listened to Sirius. He didn't often go on about his family, but they all knew they weighed heavy on his mind. They'd all comforted Sirius after his nightmares, hugging him tightly and unsure if they could bring up the things he'd muttered as he tossed about in his sheets. No, please, no, don't—

Presently, Sirius took a breath, and continued. "They're all just constantly nagging at me and trying to get under my skin, since I'm the disappointment of the family, as they often remind me. Andromeda is the only cool one, but of course she's not allowed anywhere near our Christmas since she married Ted, the muggleborn, and had a baby with him. She'll sneak me presents occasionally, or send them straight to Hogwarts."

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Remus said, quietly.

"Yeah, mate. I know how much your biological family sucks . But you're a Potter now, not to mention a Marauder. You never have to set foot in that house again, I promise," said James.

"You know we'll beat any of them up if they try to get near you," Peter added, in a rare show of bravery. (Peter wasn't perhaps the most outwardly brave, but they all knew he would do anything for his friends. They all would.)

Sirius chuckled. "Thanks guys. You know, this Christmas will be the first I've spent here at Hogwarts," he said, sitting up and looking around at his friends.

"We'll make it the best Christmas of your life," said Remus, smiling at Sirius. James grinned widely.

"Yeah! We've got our first, and last, Marauder's Hogwarts Christmas party planned…"

"And the spiked eggnog!" added Peter.

"Are you guys really going to spike that eggnog? That isn't very befitting of a Head Boy, Prongs." Remus said, pretending to be serious but failing to hide the smile playing across his lips.

"Pretty sure that being Head Boy actually gives me more power than you, Mr. Prefect, so yes, the eggnog will be spiked, and I'm afraid that there's nothing you can do about it."

"Well, you can't say I didn't try."

The four boys slipped back into an easy silence, flipping open their books again and reading back over their papers. They were interrupted again, however, when Sirius spoke a few minutes later. He was resting on his elbows, looking over his potions textbook with furrowed brows, strands of hair falling into his eyes. Remus had secretly been watching him over the top of his book for some time.

"Does anyone know what potions Slughorn is going to have us make?" Sirius asked. Remus quickly brought his eyes back to his textbook before anyone saw who he had been looking at.

"Dunno. Ask Lily, I'm sure she'd know," said James, not looking up from an old charms essay.

"You could ask Snivellus, his other favorite," suggested Peter, sniggering.

"Yeah, right. I'd rather kiss the giant squid than ask him for potions help. Can you imagine?" Sirius said, pretending to gag.

"We need to get those Slytherins back for what they did at the game today," said James, pushing away his studying for a more interesting topic.

"Something big …" Sirius added, rolling onto his bag, like a starfish on the old plush carpet. It was in moments like that that it struck Remus just how similar Sirius was to his dog counterpart.

"Sirius, are you going to study any more?" Remus asked, closing his book with a soft snap.

"No, don't think so." Sirius turned to look at him, and Remus thought his heart might burst. It was silly, considering they'd been in the same room all afternoon together, but something about him looking Remus straight in the eyes, hair messy, and a soft smile on his face, made Remus's heart beat wildly. (he looked gorgeous).

"Would you mind running down and getting snacks from the kitchens? I'm thinking—" began Remus, desperately trying to push down his feelings. He couldn't finish his sentence however, because Sirius swung his head around to look at James, eyes alight.

"The kitchens!" he exclaimed, jumping up onto his feet. "Moony, you're a genius!"

"I—what?" Remus asked, taken aback. Sirius grabbed his hands and pulled him up from the couch, a mischievous smile already forming on his lips. At that moment, Remus thought he looked like the epitome of youth. He tried to memorize every inch of his face, knowing their future lay uncertain and dangerous in front of them, and such moments of frivolous childhood fun might soon be hard to find.

That brief moment looking into his eyes gave Remus that same feeling he'd gotten as he began announcing his final ever Quidditch game. The last year of school, he found, brought forth new and strange feelings. Every day was a new "last". Last sorting ceremony they'd see at Hogwarts, last Halloween in the Gryffindor common room, last time they'd watch through the old glass panes as autumn melted into winter and the first snow fell upon the grounds. It was hard to recognize the gravity of the endings as they happened, hard for Remus to truly understand in the moment.

Hogwarts was his home, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to say goodbye—wasn't sure how any of them could say goodbye.

Sirius, refusing to tell anyone his plan, led his friends to the kitchens, his and Remus's fingers laced together the whole way down.

Remus was becoming used to holding his hand, and thought he might miss it when they were no longer pretending to date.

When they reached the hallway, they had to quickly duck behind a tapestry as a few shivering second-year Hufflepuffs shuffled past, all lost in thoughts of warm clothes and lazy afternoons and a big crackling fire. The boys grinned at each other, energy lost studying replaced by the thrill and adrenaline of breaking the rules.

Sirius tickled the pear on the portrait to the kitchens, and they entered, the elves greeting them enthusiastically.

"Mr. Black, sir, what is it you are needing today?" The elf's eyes were wide, a tiered cake wobbling in her arms. James took the cake from her before it toppled over and set it on a nearby table.

"Well, my dear Moony here would like some snacks…" Sirius was scanning the room, watching the elves carrying food this way and that.

"Surely you didn't bring everyone down here just so I could get food. I thought you had a plan," Remus said, following Sirius's eyes with his own. Sirius turned to him with a wide grin.

"Oh I do, darling,"—Remus's heart fluttered—"but you have the floor." He made an exaggerated gesture towards the small army of elves that had gathered to take his order. Remus perched himself on the edge of a chair, and thought about what he wanted.

"I'm not feeling all that great," he began, feeling the residual aches in his bones deeply once he spoke it aloud, "so perhaps I'll just have a bar of chocolate, if you've got any."

"Oh, we do, Mr. Lupin. Would you like a tea?" the elf before him asked. Remus was going to say no, but felt persuaded by the wide-eyed creature in front of him.

"Um, alright. If it's no trouble."

"No trouble at all, sir."

Remus leant back in his chair and watched as the elves scurried away, all on a mission to get his chocolate and boil his water.

"Something about house elves just doesn't sit right with me…" mused Remus, watching them work. His friends were paying no attention to him, but were watching Sirius pace the length of the room. James was watching anxiously, wanting to be included, and Peter was watching with his eyes wide, as usual, as if awed by the boy before him.

It wasn't until two small house elves delivered Remus his steaming tea cup and massive bar of chocolate that Sirius finally spoke up. He was standing at the head of one of the long, wooden tables.

"This is the Slytherin table, isn't it?" Sirius asked one of the elves, hands pressed flat against the old wood.

"Yes, sir. What is it you are needing?" The elf probed.

"I've got a favor to ask."

Notes:

i hope you enjoyed the chapter! i've loved reading the comments you've all been leaving so thank you for that!

Chapter 8: for my friends

Notes:

thank you all for almost 1,000 hits !

EDITED: 07.04.21
first of all I would just like to say that originally when I posted this chapter I had just hit 1k hits, and now! a few days ago I hit 20k !! thank you all so much I've loved reading all your comments and seeing all the love you've given this little fic ! secondly, I am actually adding dates to the chapters. they do not align with the actual days of december 1977 though lol. I also changed the ending of this chapter quite a bit so it doesn't fit with the beginning of chapter nine anymore ! beware ! okay goodbye !!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

" Tell me tomorrow I'll wait by the window for you

I'll wait by the big house for you

I'll wait by the squeezebox for you

I'll wait by your dresses for you "

— "run," stephen fretwell

All four Marauders were grinning widely when they walked into the Great Hall that evening for dinner. It had taken a lot of convincing, but the house elves had eventually agreed to their plan. (One might say that the house elves had been forced into the prank, but the Marauders would swear that wasn't true.)

"Brilliant job boys," James said promptly after they'd sat down, still giddy with adrenaline. He and Peter high-fived.

"Oh, I've missed this," Sirius said, sighing happily.

Remus snorted. "What? Dinner?"

" No , silly. The thrill of pulling off pranks, ruining the days of countless Slytherins." Sirius shook his head reverently. "Nothing compares."

"Oh no, what have you lot done now?" Lily asked, sliding into her seat next to James.

"Nothing," Peter responded immediately.

Lily raised her eyebrows and looked over at Remus.

"Don't look at me," Remus said, arms raised defensively. "I'm not telling."

Tutting, Sirius pulled Remus closer to him, glaring teasingly over at Lily. "Picking on our little Moony here because you think he's an easy target, are you? Just because he actually studies for his exams and wears button-downs under his sweaters you think he'll break Marauder code? Oh, Lily, it's like you haven't known us for seven years." He shook his head solemnly, still holding Remus tightly around the waist. What he did not know was that Remus' face was flushed a bright red, and he was desperately hoping Sirius couldn't feel his heart pounding.

Thankfully, Lily did see these things. "All right, all right, bloody hell," she said, rolling her eyes. "Let the poor lad go, you're suffocating him."

(He wasn't really, but Remus figured it was better than the reality— Sorry Sirius, it just made me a little flustered when you wrapped your arms around me and held me to your chest and I could smell my shampoo in your hair and feel your heart beating against me and—)

"Oops, Sorry Moons."

"Oh, s'alright," Remus replied (far too breathlessly, in his opinion). He shifted a few inches away from Sirius.

"You two are as bad as Hest and Marls over there," Mary Macdonald said, speaking up for the first time that evening. She gave a nod to Marlene and Hestia, who were sitting next to Remus and Sirius, their heads bent together as they whispered and giggled. Hearing her name however, Marlene looked up.

"Oi!" The exclamation had come from both Sirius and Marlene, who were wearing almost identical pouts.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, you know…" Mary waved a hand, "always cuddling and whispering and giggling and acting like you're the only two in the whole world."

Remus looked down at his empty plate. Did they do that? Before he could fall down too much of a rabbit hole, Remus noticed James waving his arms around wildly in an attempt to get their attention.

The food had just appeared—meaning the prank had begun.

Sirius immediately dropped his conversation with the girls, and swung his head around, trying to see the Slytherin's first reactions.

It was quite funny. At first, they didn't seem to notice anything was amiss, but slowly, as they heard the clink of glasses and china and heard the students delight in the dinner before them, heads began to turn, and the Slytherins realised that they were the only table who hadn't received any food.

"Is this a joke?" Regulus Black muttered to his friends, glaring at the Gryffindor table, laden with food. Sirius sniggered at this, and sent his brother an overly-cheery wave. Regulus rolled his eyes and looked away from them, down to his empty plate.

Some people who had friends in other houses were going over to get food from them, and eventually all the commotion caught Dumbledore's attention. He announced that he was going to the kitchens to speak to the elves, and promptly swept out of the hall.

"Hm, that was anticlimactic," sighed James, sipping his pumpkin juice.

"Do you think Dumbledore will figure out it was us when he goes downstairs to find we covered the Slytherin table in socks?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, I imagine," Remus said with a short laugh. Lily looked disapprovingly at them from across the table.

"That was not nice!" she exclaimed.

"Well, they wouldn't do what I asked. It was Peter's idea anyway," Sirius shrugged.

"If they don't give us food for our party tonight, Black, we're going to have an issue," Marlene told him, waving her wand at him rather threateningly. Sirius leant closer to Remus, as if Remus might save him from whatever hex Marlene would throw his way.

"There won't be any issues, McKinnon ," said Sirius. "I told the elves we had to do it because the Slytherins were going on a trip to Hogsmeade for the evening and wouldn't be eating in the hall tonight, so if I put the socks on the table they wouldn't forget to not put food on it."

"You lied to them?" Lily said, exasperated.

"Yeah, it wasn't even a good lie," Mary said, eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, what were they going to do, check ?" Sirius snorted, as if such an idea was ridiculous.

"I mean, they might have. The elves do go around the castle, it's not like they're locked in the kitchen. You'd know that if you read Hogwarts: A History," Remus pointed out.

"I've read Hogwarts: A History, obviously . What do you think I read as a child, fairy tales?"

The Slytherins did eventually get their meal, but were left to eat alone in the hall, with Slughorn as chaperone. The Gryfindor seventh years were the first to leave, already getting excited for their Quidditch victory party. Sirius had reached out to grab Remus' hand and Marlene was mid-way through a rant about how she wished there was somewhere they could get some muggle Vodka, when McGonagall stepped in front of them. She trained her eyes on Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter.

"Good evening boys. Follow me, please." McGonagall saying please, in Sirius' opinion, was generally a good sign. She'd at least retained some basic manners. They had done worse, after all.

Being seasoned rule-breakers, the Marauders were hardly even nervous after being sat down in front of McGonagall, her eyes roaming over them disapprovingly in silence. Peter was the only one cracking under the pressure, and kept shooting nervous glances at his friends.

"I know it was you four who pulled that stunt at dinner," she said eventually, hands clasped on her office table. "It always is."

"It was my idea," Remus announced, meeting her eyes calmly and coolly. Immediately sensing where he was going, Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but Remus kicked him under the chair. "I didn't like the way they acted at the game today, and I wanted to get them back, for my friends. You know it was against the rules, what Goyle and Mulciber did. They completely ganged up on Sirius."

"So Potter, Black, and Pettigrew weren't involved at all?" McGonagall asked, eyebrows raised. "That seems unlikely…"

"We were involved, Professor. It wasn't just Remus," James said quickly, before Remus could speak. Sirius watched Remus' frown deepen as he huffed in irritation.

McGonagall looked between them all, and smiled ever so slightly. "I'll give you a warning this time boys, because it's Christmas. But I'd like you to stay out of trouble for the next few weeks, as it will be a detention next time."

"Thanks, Minnie. We'll do our best," James said, with the serious air of a man finishing up some successful business deal. McGonagall didn't comment on the nickname, but Sirius saw her purse her lips in a way that suggested she was trying not to smile.

"Have you got any more biscuits?" Sirius asked.

"Yes, I have, Mr. Black." McGonagall sighed in a fond way and pulled out her old biscuit tin. Sirius thanked her with a grin, grabbed two biscuits, and handed one to Remus as they walked out the door. (After all four boys had profusely thanked her for letting them off the hook).

"Thanks, Sirius," Remus said once they'd made it into the hall. He nibbled on the edge of his cookie.

"You didn't have to take the blame, you know." James said, his own biscuit in his hand.

"It didn't really matter to me." Remus shrugged. "I didn't want you lot to get in trouble. Besides, it should have been me who came up with something. What they did to you was totally out of line, Pads."

He spoke with such passion, and Sirius felt his heart swell with affection. He looked over at Remus fondly, and slipped his biscuit-free hand into Remus's biscuit-free hand. He thought he saw Remus blush a little, but couldn't be entirely sure.

"Thanks, Rem."

When they arrived at the Common Room, decorations were beginning to go up, under the direction of Hestia and Mary. Another group of Gryffindors, led by Marlene, sat in the corner hunched over a long piece of parchment, arguing loudly about what food they should get from the kitchens.

Sirius, Remus, James, and Peter slipped past them all and headed up to their dormitory to drop off the Marauder's Map, which they'd used earlier when sneaking down to the kitchens.

Sirius was rummaging through his trunk in search of something to wear to the party when Peter cleared his throat.

"Erm, Padfoot? I think there's an owl for you," Peter said. He'd walked over to the window where a large dark owl was pecking at the glass.

" Shit ," Sirius swore, sitting back on his heels. He looked over at the owl and then the shirt in his hands. Everyone was quiet as they watched him. "It's Bellatrix's owl," he eventually explained, sighing.

"Oh. Shall I read it to you?" James asked. He swung the window open, and let the owl perch on his finger. Remus untied the letter, and unfurled it. Peter stood on his tip-toes to try and read it over Remus' shoulder.

"I can read, Prongs."

"I know, idiot." James smiled sweetly at him, then plucked the letter from Remus' hands. He put on a ridiculous high-pitched aristocratic drawl as he read. " Dearest cousin, I should probably be addressing you as just 'Sirius' now, since you've been burnt off the family tree, but I am writing this letter on behalf of your mother as a kind of olive branch. A peace offering if you will— "

"She doesn't beat around the bush does she? Bloody hell," Peter muttered, joining Sirius on the floor by his trunk. Remus perched on the edge of his bed. Sirius had the ridiculous thought that they all looked a bit like children being read a bedtime story. (A bedtime story from hell).

"I'm reading, Peter dear." Peter rolled his eyes. James ignored him. " Your mother and father would like you to return home for the Christmas holidays. You're expected to be at the dinner Christmas eve. There will be very important guests there. You may have been removed from the wall, but it is important to retain loyalty to one's blood. A time is coming when we all must pick sides, and it is prudent that you do not forget blood and magic will always be stronger than friendship. I'm expecting a response as soon as you receive this. Your cousin, Bellatrix. "

"Well that was…alarming," James said, trying to put on a faux-bright voice. When Sirius looked up at him however he could see James' frown and furrowed brows as he stared down at the letter.

"Don't listen to her, Pads," Remus said softly. "You know what they say—the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

"What? Who says that?" Peter asked.

"Muggles. It's, er…it's a Bible thing. Religion. Anyway , the point is that blood isn't more important than the friendships and bonds we form outside of family. Bellatrix is wrong."

"Yeah, I know." Sirius smiled weakly at him. He did know, but it was nice to be reminded. The Black name was just that—a name. He wasn't a Black; he had his own family, and they were all sitting around him. "Sounds like a nightmare, honestly. I mean, another Black Christmas party? As if I haven't suffered through enough of those." Sirius flopped onto his back. "I swear, Bellatrix is going to kill me one day. I mean, who does she think she is? She's my cousin, not my mother ."

"I'm surprised your mother didn't write you, actually," James said, handing Sirius the letter. He took it, and ripped it into shreds.

"I imagine she'll be next. Perhaps a howler, that'll be really her style," Sirius looked over at the owl then. "You can tell Bellatrix to fuck off, if you don't mind."

James glanced at the owl, then back at Sirius.

"I'm not sure if you've forgotten, but I don't think he can speak."

Sirius stomped over to his desk, grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill, and wrote " fuck off. —Your dearest (not) cousin, Sirius. " in his finest cursive. Signing it with a flourish, he tied the letter to the owl's leg and flung it unceremoniously back out of the window

"You're brave, mate," James commented, watching the owl fly into the clouds.

"Well I'm in Gryffindor for a reason, aren't I?" Sirius sat back down on the floor with a grumble.

Remus watched as Sirius quietly went back to looking through his clothes. Pre-party Sirius was never this melancholy, and Remus cast concerned looks at James and Peter.

"I think you should wear that blue shirt, Padfoot," Peter said, breaking the silence. He crawled across the floor to sit next to him and plucked the shirt out of Sirius' hands. "It, er…brings out the blue in your eyes!"

"Oh, and those dark jeans!" James added enthusiastically. "You know, the ones that make your arse look amazing."

Sirius huffed out a laugh. Remus had a suspicion that Sirius knew what they were doing, but he let them shower him in praise anyway.

Sirius held up the two pieces of clothing. "Any thoughts, Moony, fashion extraordinaire?"

"I am most definitely not a fashion extraordinaire." Remus rolled his eyes, then softened his voice as he looked back at Sirius. "But you'll look great, Pads."

"Thanks, Rem." Sirius' voice was just as soft as he responded.

James (always a moment-ruiner) clapped loudly. " Alright! I think it's time you put your clothes on and we all go get absolutely plastered, hm?"

"Sounds brilliant."