17-24
Chapter 17: reasons i should and should not date sirius black
" I lie awake and dream about you
If you only knew
What I'm going through
Time and again I get ashamed
To say your name
It's hard to grin and bear
When you're standing there
My lips are dry
I catch your eye and look away "
— "elton's song," elton john
wednesday, december 18, 1977
"Mum says hi to you three," James said, nibbling on some buttered toast as he looked over his mother's letter at breakfast. " Aw, and she gives Sirius, her fav— her favorite son ? Oh, come on." He frowned, and sent a glare Sirius's way.
Sirius laughed, and tried to peek around James's shoulder to see what the letter said. "What did she want to give me?"
"Well, she wanted me to give you a hug, but I'm not so sure I'm going to give you one now."
"Get over here, you twat." Sirius made a grab for James, which he failed to dodge as Lily was next to him and the only place he could go was backwards off the bench. He struggled in Sirius's arms a little, but Sirius was a tight hugger, and eventually he gave up with a sigh.
"Are you going to let me go?"
Sirius dropped his arms with a grin. "If it's any consolation, you're my favorite brother."
"Eurgh. Let's not get too sappy. It's far too early in the morning." Peter mumbled, hands grasped around his tea like it was keeping him alive. He made his tea religiously every morning—English Breakfast, with far too much milk and two carefully selected sugar cubes.
"Pete, it's eight-thirty." Remus pointed out. He was holding his own tea (his second of the morning—Chamomile), and flicking lazily through the Daily Prophet .
"Yeah, but I was kept up half the night by Potter's chattering. I mean, honestly, it was like when we were fifteen and he would talk about Lily all night ." Peter chuckled a little at the memories. "Merlin, remember? It was all… ' did you see Lily got a haircut over the summer?' "
" Do you think Lily likes my stubble? She probably doesn't…I should shave it, shouldn't I? " Remus added, sniggering as James's pouty expression across the table.
" Lily's so pretty… " Sirius said, voice mock-dreamy as he batted his eyelashes at James.
"Oi! That's enough, thank you very much. Besides, we had loads to talk about last night…I mean, The Order of the Phoenix ," he dropped his voice to a whisper and leant in closer to the other Marauders.
They'd learnt about the Order the night before, after Dumbledore had summoned them to discuss the Black Christmas Party situation. He'd seemed impressed with their sleuthing and general dedication, even if they didn't have lots of information. They were able to tell him that there was going to be a party where there was sure to be lots of dark witches and wizards, if Regulus' note was anything to go by. They'd also told Dumbledore of their suspicions about Regulus, but he didn't seem overly concerned about it. His nonchalance had irked Sirius—Regulus was only one person, sure, but he was his brother . He wasn't beyond help, surely?
"I can't believe I missed it. Bloody detention," Peter said, glaring at Sirius at the word 'detention', but Sirius ignored him, sparing the small boy only a fleeting grin.
"It's exciting, isn't it?" James continued, eyes gleaming in a familiar prank-planning kind of way. "We'll get to be right in the middle of it all—fighting Death Eaters and sneaking around and saving people…"
"You make it sound a lot more fun than it probably will be," Remus said with a snort.
"You don't think it sounds fun, Moons?"
"I mean, I'm not sure fun is the word I'd use…I suppose I just think you all need to look at it a little more realistically. This is a war, after all, people will die." There was a silence, and Remus hurried to fill it. "Besides, I suppose I just know where my place will be in all of this."
"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, brows furrowed.
"I can't imagine Dumbledore has any other werewolves on his side. And, you've all been reading the Prophet, loads of werewolves are turning to Voldemort," Remus shrugged, "they'll send me into all kinds of werewolf encampments I'm sure—to figure out what their plans are and all that."
"But that sounds… really dangerous." James said. "Surely he wouldn't send you out alone."
"It's a war, Prongs." Remus repeated with a shrug.
Around the castle, as the final day of exams dawned, students began to tentatively look forward to Christmas and the final Hogsmeade visit of the term on Saturday.
That morning, Hagrid could be seen lugging a massive Christmas tree through the Great Hall, leaving a trail of melting snow and pine needles behind him. The teachers had done most of the decorating, as they usually did, but the students were adding their own festive flair.
"It's brilliant, isn't it?" Sirius asked, grinning broadly as two Ravenclaw fourth years walked through the doorway of a nearby room, before stopping to stare at each other in a panic as mistletoe appeared above their heads. A few people in the hall cheered and whistled, and the two flushed before one gave the other a very awkward kiss on the cheek.
"And it works on every door?" Remus asked, watching as the Ravenclaws scurried in opposite directions.
"Yep. If two people walk under any doorway in the castle, mistletoe will appear above their heads and they'll have to kiss."
"What happens if they don't?" Peter asked, somewhat alarmed.
"Well, nothing. But they should . It's festive!"
"Where'd you even find this spell?" James asked. People seemed to be catching on to what was happening, and crowds began forming as students hesitated to enter the classrooms.
"Library. It was a few spells really—just had to mush them all together." Sirius shrugged. It was usually a sign that if Sirius Black was seen in the library, pranks were being planned.
"Remus!" a voice called out from behind them. The Marauders turned and Remus's stomach sank somewhat as he recognized the golden blonde flop of hair and obnoxious smile belonging to Gilderoy Lockhart, sixth year Ravenclaw.
"Oh, Lockhart." He said, sounding not nearly as excited as the other boy.
"You can call me Gilderoy," he said, flashing his teeth. "I was just heading to the library to study for my Defense Against the Dark Arts exam, then I saw you—Hogwarts' best study group leader!"
Remus raised an eyebrow. "But you've never been to one of my study sessions." He said, remembering distinctly Lockhart telling him he ' knew it all already ' after extending an invitation the year before.
Lockhart flushed a pale pink. "I know, but I was just hoping you would help me go over a few topics for my exam this afternoon? Unless,"—his eyes roamed over Sirius, James, and Peter standing behind Remus—"you're already busy."
"Nah, we're just leaving. Enjoy your studying , Rem." Sirius said, eyes unusually cold as they looked over Lockhart. Remus wasn't quite sure where all the possessiveness was coming from, and felt it was rather an overreaction. James seemed to feel the same, and Remus saw him roll his eyes. It was only studying, after all.
"Erm, right. Thanks. Good luck on your Care of Magical Creatures exam." Remus waved them off.
"They're a bit weird, your friends." Lockhart said, as he and Remus began weaving their way towards the library, having to dodge several harried students as they went.
"You wouldn't think so, if you got to know them. They're loyal and kind and funny. They're just a bit protective of me, is all." Remus shrugged, already annoyed with the younger boy. Lockhart got on his nerves on the best of days, and it was certainly not the best of days.
He'd spent the night dreaming of Sirius, jerking awake a few times only to watch him sleep through the gap in his curtains, moonlight touching the high planes of his face. He was well aware of what his heart wanted—had wanted since they were fifteen and Sirius had held his hand as James pierced his ears in the dorm bathroom (a somewhat risky choice of piercer, but James was surprisingly careful-handed when he needed to be)—but his head was still holding him back from making any kind of move (he was one reasons-I-should-and-should-not-date-Sirius-Black list from going absolutely mad).
Luckily, when they arrived at the library, Remus and Lockhart were able to enter at the same time as another small group of students, and were saved from any mistletoe appearing above their heads. Remus couldn't even imagine what kissing Lockhart would be like. Probably toothy . He couldn't help but chuckle at the mental image, and Lockhart shot him a questioning look.
"Sorry. Just thought of something funny." They stopped at a table that was about midway through the library, next to a large window overlooking the lake. "This good?"
"Brilliant." Lockhart set his books down a little too loudly than necessary. "Defense Against the Dark Arts is really my best subject, you know." Lockhart commented as he flipped through his textbook. Remus had sat down and was studying a chip in the wood table with great interest. "I'll be famous one day, I reckon. Slayer of werewolves and vampires, saver of the downtrodden."
"Slayer of werewolves?" Remus repeated, trying to keep his voice light as he flicked his gaze up to meet Lockhart's bright blue eyes (much more blue than Sirius').
"Mhm…but that's beside the point. Studying." Lockhart stated, looking over at Remus from under his lashes. "Like you said earlier, I don't really study…so, won't you show me how?"
"Er," Remus pulled the book over so it sat between them, not noticing the way Lockhart tried to drag his fingers across his hand when they passed. "I mean, it's not that hard…"
Remus spent nearly an hour quizzing Lockhart on everything from Inferi to the Unforgivable Curses. They'd even practiced some nonverbal spells, though he wasn't very good at those. Remus felt the only thing he was good at was the shield charm—which he'd nearly perfected.
It was around the hour mark that Remus began to feel there was some kind of ulterior motive for their study session (though part of him was wondering if he was just so bored he was making things up. He enjoyed helping other students study, but Lockhart was annoying and a bit of a lost cause). Somehow, Lockhart seemed to be getting closer to Remus, until he noticed that their chairs were practically touching. It was about the third time Remus felt his foot brush across his barely exposed ankle that he decided to speak up.
"Did you really want to study today, Lo-er, Gilderoy?" he asked, putting down the book. Lockhart blushed again, and ran his fingers through his hair in a way which reminded Remus of James.
"Did you and Black really break up?" Lockhart blurted out.
Remus started. "Oh. Uh, yeah, we did. But we're friends so it's um, yeah it's alright now." his words came out in a rush, not having expected that particular question.
Lockhart was scooting closer, Remus realized, and he wished he could sink back into his chair.
"Black's a bit of a prick anyway, I think. You deserve someone better than him—someone nicer, funnier, more handsome." They were far too close, and Remus didn't miss the way Lockhart's eyes flicked over his body. Their lips were inches apart, and Remus could smell Lockhart's cologne—something flowery and strong that would surely give him a headache. He jumped up then, ignoring the way Lockhart sat back in surprise, and grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he walked backwards away from their table.
"Er, listen, it's been…very illuminating, but I've really got to-to go. I have to go. Good luck on your exam, I'd study more if I were you." Remus said, before promptly turning on his heel and hurrying out of the library, leaving Lockhart, put-out and frowning, behind him.
Notes:
hello! comment & kudos if u want!! i hope you enjoyed the chapter
Chapter 18: what ifs?
Notes:
hi :)
EDITED: 8.20.21
hi (again)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
" and I said to the star,
'Consume me.' "
— the waves , virginia woolf
Remus, despite his initial outburst in the library, took his time meandering through the castle. He'd looked at the clock behind Madam Pince's desk before he'd left, and saw that exams were still in progress, so there was no need to rush anywhere. He eventually decided on going to the common room, where he might run into some of his other friends.
When he climbed through the portrait hole some minutes later, he found the common room completely empty except for Mary, who was hanging trying to wrap tinsel around a massive christmas tree in the corner, and Marlene and Hestia, who were giggling and wrapped up in each other's arms as they swayed about to Christmas music (coming from Lily's record player). Remus's heart lurched at the sight of the two girls, and he thought of Sirius. An anxious feeling rolled about in his stomach.
"Can you two please stop making out for three seconds and help me?" Mary exclaimed, spinning around to glare at them, then added, softer, "oh, hello, Remus."
"We aren't making out, thank you very much. Besides, you had it all under control." Marlene shrugged, then laughed as Hestia spun her around.
"I can help you, Mary." Remus offered with a smile, crossing over to her and taking a box of ornaments from her arms. "Where is everyone?"
"Exams. Then we threatened all the others to leave. McGonagall is letting us decorate the common room this year!" Marlene said.
"Well, more like we wore her down about it every day until she couldn't be bothered to say no anymore," added Hestia.
"Who usually decorates it?" Remus asked, realizing he'd never really questioned the magical appearance of decorations in their dorm every December.
"Dunno, actually. House elves probably." Marlene shrugged, crossing over to one of the couches and plopping down on it, pulling Hestia with her. "We thought we'd do a better job. Alice and Lily are in on it too, 'course."
"Ah, we thought we heard raised voices coming from the girls dorm the other night," said Remus with a chuckle.
"Mm, we learned everyone has very strong opinions on how Christmas decorations should be done…" Hestia said, grinning.
"We heard you were on a little study date with Lockhart," Mary said, putting the finishing touches on the tinsel. Remus had to duck out of the way as she began levitating ornaments to put on the tree.
He frowned. "What? Who told you that?"
"James. Had to stop by to grab something before his exam."
"Sirius seemed rather grumpy about it all," Hestia gave him a pointed look, and Remus rearranged the ornaments on the table to avoid it. "I was under the impression that you were going to talk to him ?"
"Yeah, what's up with that?" Mary asked, crossing the room to drop some garland in Hestia and Marlene's laps, instructing them about where she wanted it hung before turning back to Remus. "Hest told us all about your prank—"
"And your kiss!" Marlene piped up, wrapping the garland around her neck like a scarf and making loud kissing noises.
"Ugh, guys ," Remus grumbled, collapsing into a nearby armchair. "We did talk, if you must know. I—well, I told him I needed more time to think…and it's just been like normal since then, which is a little weird, if I'm honest."
"Why'd you tell him that?" Mary asked, moving to sit on the arm of Remus's chair.
"Yeah, I mean you've been pining for that boy since you were like fifteen years old—everyone could see that." Marlene said, eyes trained on her levitated garland.
Remus gnawed on his lip. Marlene was only saying what he'd been telling himself for the past 48 hours, but couldn't seem to get past the mental wall he'd built up—a wall of fears and unpredictable futures and wars and what ifs?
But then he thought of that afternoon in the library, surrounded by the cloying scent of Lockhart's cologne and the near-kiss they almost shared. He compared the experience with his and Sirius' kiss from a few days ago, and sighed.
"I've been a bit of an idiot, haven't I?" he said eventually. Mary laid a hand on his shoulder, but could only open her mouth to speak before the portrait hole swung open.
"Afternoon ladies, Moony." It was James, cheeks flushed and a Gryffindor scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. It seemed their exam had been outside.
"It's not even lunch yet, James." Hestia said, bustling past, more garland in her arms. Marlene stopped her with a hand to her shoulder and gently picked a piece of tinsel out of her hair.
Remus smiled at James in greeting, but couldn't ignore the way his heart had begun to pound. Wherever James was, Sirius was.
"SIRIUS!"
There he is.
Lily stormed into the common room, hair a shocking shade of blue. James's eyes widened, and Remus watched as he tried to stop the smile growing on his face. "Oh…Lils…" he cleared his throat, biting his lip.
"Nice hair," Marlene quipped, jumping behind Hestia when Lily turned her wand on her.
Sirius climbed in next, followed by a cackling Peter. "Fun, isn't it, Prongs? Doesn't really match the eyes though. Maybe a few shades greener?"
"If you even point that wand at me you will regret you were ever born."
"Ah, but Flower, I already do regret being born."
Lily let out an irritated kind of groan, and turned on James to demand he change it back. There was some back and forth, but after more pleading and several threats, Lily's hair was back to its regular fiery red, though she was still glaring daggers at Sirius.
Sirius cast his eyes around the room, looking for a way to avoid Angry Lily (it had been unanimously decided by the Marauders when they were thirteen that Angry Lily was her scariest variant) when his eyes came to rest upon Remus, who had since gotten up and was helping Mary unravel reams of muggle lights to put on the tree.
"So, Moons, done making out with Lockhart already?" Sirius asked casually, strolling over to them and picking up the end of the string of lights, turning it around in his hands to inspect the plug curiously.
"What?!" Remus frowned at him. "How does everyone know he likes me?"
"You mean you didn't know?" Mary asked, gently pulling the plug from Sirius's hands so she could take the lights over to the tree.
"Well, not until he spent a whole bloody hour brushing hands with me, touching my knee, my arms, my shoulder. Then he tried to fucking kiss me ."
"He tried to kiss you?" James asked. "What'd you do?"
"Left him there," Remus shrugged. "It was a nightmare trying to teach him, honestly. The lad's in Ravenclaw, you'd think he'd be smart ."
"Brutal." Hestia said with a snort.
"It's true! Lockhart probably couldn't tell a vampire from an inferius, if it came down to it. He told me he wants to be some kind of monster slayer . You know, vampires, werewolves, the like."
The other Marauders, and Lily, who had only recently learned of lycanthropy, turned to stare at him in shock. They turned almost entirely in sync, which Remus probably would have found funny had he not been imagining his own death at the hands of the sixteen year old boy who had just tried to kiss him in the library.
"Werewolves?" Peter asked.
"He said that?" Sirius said, frowning.
"I bet loads of people want to kill dark creatures," Mary said with a shrug. Sirius's frown deepened but refrained from commenting after Remus just barely shook his head in warning. "Dunno what kind of job that is, though."
"Probably not a very lucrative one," said Remus, lightly.
"It's a terrible job!" Lily burst out.
"Yes, well, it is what it is. Not sure he'd be able to be a monster hunter anyway, with the brain he's got." Remus cleared his throat. "Anyway, are we still going ice skating tomorrow?"
It was an admittedly awful subject change, but James quickly jumped to his rescue. Sirius was still frowning at him, and Remus was avoiding his eyes. "Of course! Wormy was thinking we could have a snowball fight too—it's supposed to snow again tonight."
"Oh, yeah, brilliant." He looked up and finally met Sirius's gaze. "You alright there, Pads?"
"Can I talk to you?"
"Alone?"
Sirius glanced around—Hestia was sprawled out on the couch, flipping through radio channels with lazy flicks of her wand. Marlene and Mary were arguing about whether or not they should charm the room to make it so it was constantly snowing ( "It'll be a mess!", "It's bloody festive, Mary!" ). James wasn't really paying them much attention, flicking through the records. Peter and Lily were busy pouring over the plans for the upcoming Marauder Christmas Party.
"Yeah." Sirius, much to Remus's surprise, grabbed his hand and pulled him across the room, into some small alcove where they were hidden from view of the others.
"What's all this about?" Remus asked, tentatively taking his hand out of Sirius'.
"Did Lockhart really say those things? The killing werewolves and all that?" Remus sat down, and Sirius followed. They sat side by side, legs stretched out before them.
"He did. Honestly, Sirius, people say shit like that all the time. It isn't a big deal."
"But it is! No one should…he can't just say something like that. To you or…or to anyone, really."
"Well, he didn't know he was trying to snog a werewolf, did he?" When Sirius made a noise like he wanted to protest, Remus raised a hand. "Really, Pads, I don't care. The whole thing, the flirting bit and the almost-kiss, made me realize something. About you. Well, actually it was about me I guess but…"
Remus glanced over at Sirius, who was watching him—eyebrows raised, expression hopeful. Remus let his hand fall off his lap and land next to Sirius's. He inched his hand to the left until their fingers were tangled together again.
"Oh, Sirius, I don't know what the bloody hell I was thinking when I said…I mean, it is terrifying and maybe it's stupid and maybe I don't deserve it but I just…I want…" Remus, unable to find any more words, shifted so he was facing Sirius more fully, and kissed him. Sirius kissed back, and Remus felt it was the first time he'd been able to breathe since Sunday.
"Oh, Moony," Sirius pulled away. "Only you could be so eloquent."
"Shut up," Remus swatted his chest half-heartedly.
"I'm expecting love poems, I hope you know. Perhaps songs as well. Definitely love letters." Sirius said, hands still grasping at Remus's robes. Remus rolled his eyes. "And of course you deserve it. You deserve everything , Moonbeam."
"Thank you," Remus breathed, eyes still locked with Sirius'. It felt good to hear him say it, to know he meant it.
Sirius grinned. "Will you go to Hogsmeade with me? On Saturday?"
"Were we not already going together? You know, as best best friends?" Remus asked. Sirius pulled him back to kiss him again.
"You're so annoying."
"Well, I learned from the best."
Sirius swatted playfully at his arm. " So , Hogsmeade?"
"Of course." Remus reached out and pushed a lock of hair behind Sirius's ear. "What are we going to tell the others?"
They weren't far away, only separated from them by a wall and the loud Christmas music coming from the record player. Sirius bit his lip. "Can we tell them nothing? For now. It's not that they wouldn't be supportive, Merlin knows James and Peter would probably kill for us to get together at this point, but it's just…I'd like to keep you to myself for now."
"Yeah, I feel the same. Until we work everything out. Then everyone gets to know." Remus said, smiling at Sirius and interlacing their fingers again.
"Absolutely everyone. I reckon we can write a little announcement in the Prophet. 'Remus Lupin and Sirius Black dating—our sources say they intend to stay together forever and ever and ever and ever…' "
Remus was kissing him again, and Sirius wished they could stay just the way they were for eternity.
Notes:
i hope you liked this chapter ! comment and kudos if u want
Chapter 19: carrots
Notes:
good evening :)
EDITED: 8.21.21
minimal edits in this chapter again! I changed the quote at the start. I also did add one scene but it literally adds almost nothing to the plot except for more kissing lmao
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"I don't know no love songs
I can't sing the blues anymore
Oh, but I can sing this song
You can sing this song when I'm gone.
It won't be long before another day
We gonna have a good one
And no one's gonna take that time away
You can stay as long as you like."
—"you can close your eyes," james taylor
thursday, december 19, 1977
Remus was woken Thursday morning to the gentle, unmistakable tickle of whiskers on his cheek. He groaned, burying his face in his pillow. " Pads, please don't lick me." He grumbled, voice muffled.
Remus braced himself for an inevitable attack from Padfoot, but slowly grew suspicious when it never came. He cracked open one bleary eye, and nearly tumbled backwards off the bed when he found himself face to face with a cat—a very angry looking ginger one that he realized was Carrots, Lily's cat.
"Carrots?" He whispered, then realized he sounded rather stupid. The cat wasn't going to respond to him.
"Ah, I see Carrots has found you." That was Sirius, walking out of the bathroom with a grin on his face. He'd just gotten out of the shower, and was wearing only his silky pajama bottoms slung low on his hips.
Remus frowned. "Are you wearing your pajamas again?"
Sirius looked down, then back up at Remus. "Yes?"
"You got out of bed this morning, in your pajamas, took a shower, then immediately put back on those same pajamas?"
"Merlin, Moony, it's Christmas break . I just had to endure nearly a whole week of exams—I think I can wear my pajamas whenever I want." Sirius grinned at him, then dried his hair with the towel around his neck (leaving it sticking up in all directions in a rather James-like way) before throwing on a shirt and plopping himself down at the end of Remus's bed.
Carrots immediately went to him, nuzzling at his knee before crawling into his lap and curling into a ball (Remus thought Sirius looked incredibly adorable, freshly showered with Carrots in his lap, though he wasn't sure he had the bravery to say it aloud).
"Youlookcute," Remus gushed, immediately regretting it when Sirius raised an eyebrow at him, cocky grin in place.
"What was that?"
Remus flushed an even deeper pink. "You—you look cute."
"Aw, thanks Moonbeam." He leant forward to gently tug at one of Remus' curls. "So do you—with all your bedhead."
Still blushing profusely, Remus ran a hand through his messy hair. "Where are the others?" He asked, looking around at the other empty beds. "Is it late? Did I sleep in?"
"It's only nine. You know Frank— always up early even on break,"—Sirius made a face at this, as if getting up early on break was one of the worst things a person could do—"And James dragged Peter off on one of his Quidditch practices. Poor Pete, you know how James is about Quidditch."
"Why didn't you go with them?" Remus knew how much Sirius enjoyed practicing with James, even if he complained about his occasionally fanatical tactics.
"Thought I'd rather stay here with you." Sirius said with a casual shrug. "You look cute in the morning—cuddable."
"Cuddable?" Remus asked, eyebrows raised. Sirius flushed, and Remus took his socked foot out from under the blankets to nudge at Sirius's knee. "Come on then; cuddle me if you must."
"If I must ," Sirius snorted, dropping Carrots unceremoniously from his lap to crawl up the bed and slip under the covers with Remus. Carrots, letting out a loud meow of irritation, settled herself in the spot he once occupied and turned her yellow-eyed glare up at the boys. "You sound quite enthusiastic."
"Oh, so sorry," Remus cleared his throat dramatically, his hand stilling at the base of Sirius's neck, fingers caught up in the damp curls there. "Dearest Padfoot, I've been thinking about you for the past twelve hours and I'm afraid that if you don't get into bed with me right now I might just die as a result of my thus touched-starved teenage years."
"Better." Sirius murmured into his neck. Remus could feel his breath on his collarbones where his shirt had been pulled down.
Remus went back to playing with the hair at the nape of Sirius's neck. "Really though, Pads, thanks for staying this morning. I know you like practicing with Prongs."
Sirius shrugged against him. "I wanted to, and I don't have a broom anymore since the accident. Besides, thought it'd work as a nice apology for not ice skating with you later today."
Remus snorted. "You are ice skating with me today."
"You know I can't skate!"
"Well, you will today. Don't worry, love, I'll teach you."
"Oh! You can't do that."
"Do what?" Remus asked innocently. Sirius turned his head to pout up at him.
"You called me love so I would say yes."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did!"
"Did it work?"
Sirius's scowl deepened. "Yes," he grumbled.
Remus bent down to kiss the tip of his nose. "Tidy. I won't let you fall, I promise."
"You better not."
Sirius was beginning to think that this was the best day of his life—and it wasn't even ten in the morning yet.
Even as he held Remus in his arms, one hand cupping his jaw as he kissed him soundly, the other hand holding himself up above Remus, he could hardly believe it was real. That Remus was his real, actual boyfriend—that he could kiss him like this every day of their lives, if he'd let him.
"Mm, Sirius?"
"Yeah?" Sirius moved from Remus' lips to his neck, kissing down to his collarbone.
"James and Pete…"
"Two people you definitely shouldn't be thinking about right now," he murmured, feeling Remus shiver beneath him as his breaths hit his exposed skin.
"They'll be back soon," Remus said breathlessly, grabbing at Sirius' shirt to pull him back up. When Sirius did meet his eyes, Remus was smiling gently at him, lips pink and hair splayed out on the white pillow beneath him. "And I'm hungry."
Sirius snorted, pulling himself up above Remus with a forearm resting on either side of his body. "You're going to stop kissing me to eat?"
"Unless you'd rather I die of hunger?" Remus asked, expression now sober as he raised an eyebrow in Sirius' direction.
"And you say I'm dramatic." Sirius chuckled. "I guess I'll allow it, as long as you kiss me lots later. You know, to make up for all the lost time."
"I suppose I can do that," Remus said slowly, as though thinking it over. Then he grinned cheekily and leaned up to give Sirius one last kiss. After wiggling his way out from underneath Sirius, Remus padded over to the mirror. "I've also got to shower, or at least brush my hair. I look like an absolute wreck."
"Oh, but you look gorgeous, darling!" Sirius called from behind him.
" He's lying to you, dear, " the mirror said, in a rather unkind tone. " It looks like you've got a whole family of birds living in there. "
Despite Remus' own reluctance to leave his bed (his bed that currently had Sirius Black curled up under the covers), he knew James and Peter would be returning. He was right, of course, because as soon as he stepped out of the bathroom wearing his sweater of choice for the day, he could hear James and Peter climbing the stairs.
When Remus went to his bed to get his bag, Sirius poked his shoulder. "Cute sweater."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Thought you hated this sweater."
"I was just messing with you. You're the only person I know who can wear Slytherin green and still look adorable."
Remus smiled, and ducked his head to hide his blush. "You're such a flirt."
"'S practically my middle name."
"I thought your middle name was Orion?" James asked, flinging open the door and striding past them, hair damp and curling. Peter trailed behind him, looking rather exhausted.
"Oi! You're one to talk, Fleamont ."
They were halfway through breakfast when Remus decided there was definitely something wrong with Lily.
They'd taken Carrots to her earlier, and she'd seemed all right then, if not a little vacant, but now Remus was watching Mary and Marlene sitting on either side of her whispering quietly, and Remus knew there was something more going on.
Lily looked on the verge of tears, and Remus was not the only one who noticed.
"All right, love?" James asked her. He had to peek around Mary to speak to her, as she'd plopped herself between James and Lily at breakfast that morning and wouldn't move.
Lily nodded.
"Are you sure?" Remus asked cautiously.
Lily pulled out a neatly folded letter from her pocket, and looked down at it as she chewed her lip. "It's my dad," she said eventually, voice quiet. "He's been ill, you know, but he's—well, 'Tunia says he's not going to make it…" she sniffled, and placed the letter on the table.
Remus pulled it towards him, and unfolded it to read the careful ballpoint pen script. Sirius and Peter both scooted closer so they could read over Remus's shoulders.
" Don't bother coming back …" Remus read aloud, an eyebrow raised. " Are you going to go back?"
Lily burst into tears then, and Remus's eyes widened in alarm. James sent him a glare from across the table. "Sorry! Sorry, Lily, I didn't mean to upset you…"
"No, no, it's okay," she sniffled again, and wiped a few tears from off her cheek. "I just…don't know what to do. I know Petunia doesn't want me there, but I want to see my dad..."
"I'm sure he wants to see you," James said gently, reaching over Mary to place his hand over Lily's.
They all watched as Lily chewed her lip in an anxious silence, staring down at her and James' hands. "Would you come with me?" she asked eventually, voice quiet.
Suddenly feeling very much like they were intruding on a private moment, the other three Marauders pretended to look busy.
Mary cleared her throat, and stood up from the table, leaving her space open for James to occupy. "Right, well, I'm going to grab my skates. Coming, ladies?" She asked, giving Marlene, Hestia, and Alice pointed looks. They all nodded and grabbed their things.
"We'll come too. I need to find some skates for Sirius." Remus said.
Sirius groaned. "Merlin, I forgot ."
"Oho, you finally got Sirius to agree to come skating with us then?" Marlene asked, grinning as the boys joined them as they left the Great Hall, leaving James and Lily quietly whispering on the bench.
"Very, very reluctantly." Sirius grumbled with a sigh.
"So, did you talk to Lily?" Sirius asked James later that morning. They were both standing on the edge of the lake, watching their friends. Lily had pulled Remus away when they'd arrived, but he'd promised to come back for Sirius later. He could see them on the other side of the lake, a little ways behind Hestia and Marlene, hand in hand and deep in conversation.
"Yeah. We're going to talk to McGonagall later, see if we can leave today or tomorrow." James scuffed the toe of his skate on the snowy ground. "I've never met her parents." He added quietly.
"You see them twice a year at Kings Cross," Sirius pointed out.
"But I've never really met them. I've never been to her house and stayed there. What if they don't like me? What if I can't do enough for Lily? I mean, her dad is dying , Pads."
"They're both going to love you. Everyone loves you, idiot. And don't worry about Lily. Just be there for her, like you always are. She chose you, over everyone. Because she loves you. I mean, she could have chosen Remus—he's better in a crisis than the rest of us, but she didn't." Sirius said, shrugging.
James glanced over at Sirius, then pulled him into a tight hug. Sirius squealed as he lost balance and almost made them fall over. "I love you," James muttered into his hair.
Sirius grinned and pulled back, still holding onto his shoulders for balance. "I love you too, Prongs."
"Speaking of love and Remus—why did he call you a flirt this morning?"
"You heard that? He was just… joking around. It's just a little joke between us." Sirius tried to shrug nonchalantly, but James only snorted.
"Yeah, alright." He sounded unconvinced, but didn't push the matter.
"Ready?" It was Remus, skating over to them, making it look bloody easy . He stopped in front of Sirius and held out his hands. Sirius looked down at them and then over at James apprehensively.
James merely grinned, and stepped onto the ice, grabbing Lily's hand. "Have fun, Pads."
"Oh, fine ." Sirius sighed and grabbed Remus's hands, taking his first tentative steps onto the ice. (Secretly he was quite excited to have a reason to hold Remus' hands in front of all their friends).
As they started slowly around the lake, Sirius decided that ice skating wasn't as hard as he had first thought, though that may have been because Remus was doing most of the work keeping him upright. They started with a few slow loops around the lake.
"You know, ice skating seems like the kind of thing a young, pureblood heir would be quite good at." Remus commented. His eyes flickered over to Sirius and the other boy shot him a grin.
"That is, in fact, precisely why I'm not good at it." Sirius said, swinging their hands between them. Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "My parents tried to teach me, but I mostly just refused. Regulus was better than me at it, but then again he was better than me at most things…"
Remus squeezed his hand. "That's not true. He was just better at playing along."
Sirius sighed, feeling a pang in his chest as he thought of his brother. "Yeah. I 'spose."
They skated in silence for a few minutes. Sirius stole a few glances over at Remus. He had a Gryffindor scarf wrapped tightly around his neck, and a matching red beanie on his head. Sirius could see his puffs of breath in the air, and the pink dusting on his cheeks and nose from the cold.
Remus caught him staring, and smiled, red flush on his cheeks deepening. "Hi," he said.
"Hi," Sirius breathed. "I wish I could kiss you."
"Right now?"
"Mhm."
Remus looked around, then sped up, pulling Sirius behind him. They rounded a corner and Remus stopped them behind a big tree that blocked them from view of the others.
"Merlin, Moons," Sirius gasped, coming to a stop and clutching his chest. "You scared the shit out of me. That was too—" Remus cut him off with a kiss, gloved hands coming to rest behind his neck.
"Can't believe I can do this whenever now," Remus murmured, pulling back just barely.
"Yeah," Sirius whispered, all complaints leaving his head, lips chasing Remus' as he pulled away.
Smiling as Remus began kissing him fully again, he draped his arms around Remus's waist. They were fine until Sirius tried to pull himself closer to Remus. The sudden movement startled him, and Sirius heard his quiet squeak before Remus lost his balance and took them both to the icy ground, landing with a thump.
Remus immediately started laughing, and Sirius glared at him reproachfully, gently pushing at his shoulder. "Moony! You said you wouldn't let me fall." He crossed his arms, almost pouting.
"Sorry, Pads." Remus, still grinning, leaned over to kiss him, and Sirius couldn't help but smile into it.
Mum,
(I'm so sorry this is a few days late, I've been busy with exams and things.)
Artemis seems glad to be back, and I did feed her a few extra sausages like you said. I'm glad you indulge her snacking habits—I always do (I wonder where she learned those habits from…)
The moon was alright—they're always better when my friends are around. It's been a few days now so I'm practically back to normal. I'm sorry you've been sleeping badly. I'm always okay, you needn't worry about me.
I'm glad to be staying at Hogwarts with my friends this year, as it's our last year and all, though I do already miss you. This morning my friend Lily got news that her dad is going to die soon. She and James are going to go see him tomorrow I think, but it all just made me think of you. I suppose it just made me miss you more than usual.
I'll definitely come home for the Easter holidays—we can have a belated birthday celebration. The two of us can bake my favorite chocolate cake together.
I hope you have a good Christmas, mum. I love you.
Remus
(p.s. Thanks for sending the package. It's Sirius's Christmas present.)
Notes:
I hope you liked this chapter! comment and kudos if you would like as per usual
Chapter 20: the brightest star in the sky
Notes:
happy valentines day :) I started writing this chapter today bc I was annoyed at one of my book chapters I'm trying to rewrite right now. I usually write these chapters slowly over a few days but this one probably took me like three hours total (subtracting the break I took to have some soup lol). So, enjoy this irritation and tomato soup fueled chapter. (also it's valentines day, so there's lots of fluff ofc)
EDITED: 8.27.21
going to hopefully finish this whole fic up by the end of august!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
" Of all the stars,
the fairest. "
— sappho
saturday, december 20, 1977
"I miss James." Peter said, standing in front of the mirror and adjusting his scarf.
" I can't imagine he misses you. You look terrible in orange, by the way. " The mirror said bluntly. Peter looked down at his orange scarf with a frown. Sirius snorted from behind him, where he was lacing up his black Doc Martens.
"This mirror has been awful to me all bloody year. I mean, it isn't all that nice at the best of times, but this is getting ridiculous!" Peter exclaimed, giving it a dirty look. The mirror had nothing to say to this. With a great sigh, he walked back over to his bed, where he picked up a black scarf and exchanged it for his orange one. "You know, I caught it telling James how lovely his hair looked the other day. It looked a fucking mess!"
"Clearly the mirror has favorites, Pete." Sirius said smoothly, shrugging.
"It's a mirror . It shouldn't talk at all, honestly."
"Sirius charmed it earlier this year to compliment James but say mean things to you." Remus said, walking out of the bathroom. He was wearing a jumper he'd stolen from Sirius earlier that morning, and his hair was still damp from his shower—sticking up in spots where he'd tried to scrub it dry with his towel.
"Moony!" Sirius groaned, flopping backwards on his bed, feet still planted on the floor. "I thought I'd sworn you to secrecy!"
"You're kidding ." Peter said, glaring at Sirius from across the room.
Sirius sat up and shrugged. "I didn't tell it what to say. It didn't have to go so hard on your scarf—I thought you looked absolutely glowing in the orange."
"Oh, you are such a prat, Padfoot." Peter practically growled, throwing his pillow at Sirius's head. This, of course, created a pillow fight between the two of them. Remus tried to dodge the pillows as he got ready for the day, but he did get one good shot at Sirius' head when he turned the other way.
The three boys emerged from their dorm some minutes later out of breath and grinning, their feud forgiven and forgotten (although Peter did choose to go with the black scarf in the end, over the orange one). They had their jackets and hats and mittens in hand, and were going to stop for a quick breakfast in the Great Hall before heading out to Hogsmeade with the rest of the school.
The school buzzed with excitement, and there was laughter and chatter emanating from every corner of the Great Hall. It seemed to be an unspoken thing that while, of course, the day out was a break from school, it was also a break from the war and the tragedies that seemed to be taking over their lives, slipping into the secure bubble Hogwarts provided the,. Despite several students receiving the paper that morning, Remus noticed not a single one had opened it. His own paper lay folded, unopened, beneath a plate of bacon.
"I miss Lily." Mary said glumly.
"They'll be back," Remus said, pouring himself some tea.
"James said they'd write when they got there and keep us updated." Sirius said. He stole Remus's tea as soon as he set the teapot back down, earning him an eye-roll.
"It's terribly sad," Marlene said.
"Yeah." Remus frowned, and a silence fell over their end of the table, in harsh contrast with the high spirits of everyone else in the hall. When he thought too hard about it—Lily at home with her dad who was going to be gone by the time they saw her again—it made him feel that deep anxiety that one can feel all the way up in the beating of their heart and down in the pit of their stomach.
It made him think of…of…well, he wasn't even sure he could think it without feeling nauseous. He took a steadying sip of tea and leant into Sirius. Without even looking at him, Sirius slipped his hand into Remus' under the table.
"They wouldn't want us to be sad though, James and Lily." Peter said. "They'd want us to enjoy our weekend."
"Very wise of you, Worm." Sirius said. "Speaking of enjoying the weekend, are you taking Caroline out on a date today?"
Peter gave him an exasperated look. "Yes, Pads, she is my girlfriend y'know. I know this is a rather foreign concept to you, but sometimes people take their girlfriends out on dates."
"Excuse me, I took my girlfriend out on dates all the time!" Sirius exclaimed. "Come on, Marls, back me up here!"
Marlene snorted. "You took me on a date once to The Hog's Head, which is just terribly romantic to begin with, but then you left halfway through because you had promised to meet Remus at Honeydukes."
"Right. Well, I'm sure there were other dates, at some point. I mean, I can't particularly think of any now but…well," Sirius cleared his throat. "But this isn't about me. Peter darling , do tell, will you be taking the elusive Caroline to Madam Puddifoots? Or perhaps the Hog's Head, for a more romantic location, as Marls graciously pointed out."
"You're making it really difficult to like you today, did you know that?" Peter asked in an overly fake, high-pitched voice. He dropped back down to his normal octave. "But no, I'm not. I, er, actually haven't really planned it out. I'm hoping we just…naturally figure it out?"
Mary snorted and reached across the table to pat Peter's hand. "Good luck with that, love."
Remus nudged Sirius's knee with his own under the table, and smiled when Sirius turned to look at him and squeezed his hand.
"Yes, Moonbeam?"
Remus huffed. "You're not really going to call me that, are you?"
"You love it."
"Debatable. Have you planned our date yet?" he dropped his voice to a whisper and leaned closer to Sirius, so they wouldn't be overheard. It was intoxicating, being so close to him, and Remus leaned back before he impulsively kissed him in front of all their friends.
"That I have, Rem. And I can promise it is neither Puddifoots or the Hogs Head." He seemed nervous then, and whispered, "I hope you'll like it."
"Of course I'll like it, Pads. I'd like anything as long as you're there."
"You're such a sap, Lupin." Sirius grinned, bumping his shoulder into Remus's. "It's very cute."
Remus ducked his head to hide his blush. "You're a nightmare."
They'd finished their breakfast quickly, and hardly had time to say goodbye to Peter before he hurried off to find Caroline at the Slytherin table. Mary was tagging along with Marlene and Hestia for the day, and so it wasn't hard for Remus and Sirius to peel away from the group and head off down the snowy streets alone.
They enjoyed the walk down to the village, laughing and talking and standing as close as they thought they could get away with, the backs of their hands brushing every so often.
"You know, I'm starting to wonder if Caroline is even real." Sirius mused, as they entered the village and walked down the picturesque main street.
Remus snorted. "She is. I've met her."
"Really? And I haven't?"
"Don't worry Pads, you'll meet her eventually," Remus laughed and let his hand pass by Sirius's again, lingering long enough to hook two of their fingers together. "Now, do I get to know where we're going? Or are we going to talk about Pete's girlfriend for the rest of the day?"
"Well, as much as I just love Wormtail and his romantic endeavors." Sirius grabbed his hand fully and pulled him across the street to stop in front of Honeydukes. "Here's our first stop."
"First stop?"
Sirius grabbed Remus' hand fully to drag him into the store. Immediately Remus was surrounded by that familiar smell of chocolate and sugar and warmth. " Please , Moony. Have a little more faith in my date-planning abilities."
Remus grinned at him, tongue barely poking out from between his teeth. "I dunno, Pads, All I've got to go off of is your epically-romantic Hog's Head rendezvous with Marlene."
"I've matured loads since then!"
"It was only two years ago."
" Yeah , I'm a different man now, my darling Moonbeam. Very sweet and romantic and thoughtful and going to buy you loads of chocolate. Now, do you want a hot chocolate? I think I'm going to get us hot chocolates…"
Nearly twenty minutes later, the two left Honeydukes laden with a myriad of chocolates and candies, paid for entirely by Sirius (much to Remus's chagrin). As soon as they were back in the cold, busy main street, Sirius grabbed Remus's hand again.
"I am going to pay you back." Remus said stubbornly, clutching his hot chocolate in his other hand.
"You are not."
"That was a lot of money! We can split it, at least."
"Don't worry about it, love. You can pay me in kisses, if you absolutely must." Sirius grinned up at him and Remus chuckled.
"Are you using my own methods against me, love ?"
"Perhaps. Is it working?"
"You're so ridiculous." Remus huffed, though his wide grin considerably softened his words.
Sirius pressed closer to him and gave him a quick kiss on his jaw before stepping away again, just as quickly, with a matching smile on his face. He dropped Remus's hand and bounded away, before turning back, still grinning. "Race?"
" Race ? Sirius, I don't even know where we're going and I'm not running ." Remus grimaced at the thought. "Is this part of the date?"
"Nah, just thought it would be fun."
"It's definitely not fun. Sirius, no, Christ ." Remus muttered as Sirius took off and he had no choice but to follow.
When he finally caught up, Remus found that he and Sirius were in the small clearing that looked out over the snowy hills, and, not far away, the Shrieking Shack. They were alone, and Sirius had procured a blanket from somewhere. He was lying casually on it, propped up on his elbows, surrounded by all their sweets, sipping on his hot chocolate. Remus was breathing heavily, clutching his own drink in one hand and a stitch in his side with the other.
"I…hate…you," Remus gasped, collapsing down next to Sirius on the blanket. He took a sip of his hot chocolate to soothe his throat, which was burning from the cold air, and felt his breathing slowly return to normal. "Where'd this blanket come from?"
"I shrunk it last night and put it in my pocket." Sirius pulled the cup out of his hand gently, then replaced it with his own hand before leaning in and kissing him, warm fingers of his other hand trailing gently over the skin just under Remus's scarf. "Still hate me?"
Remus pulled him closer, slipping his hands under Sirius's jacket to wrap around his waist. "Less. But please never make me run again."
"Deal."
They continued like that for a while, relishing in a privacy they almost never had. Sirius thought it was almost too soon when Remus pressed one last lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth and curled closer into his side, resting his head on his chest. Sirius was definitely not opposed to a cuddle, though.
"You know, Rem, I was studying for our Astronomy exam the other night and I had a thought—"
"That must have been painful." Sirius snorted then moved his hand from Remus' hair to his side, digging his fingers into the skin there and causing Remus to squeal loudly. Remus squirmed away from him, batting at his hand. " Sirius! You know I'm ticklish, you absolute prat."
"Oops." Sirius grinned down at Remus, which only made him frown deeper.
" Oops? "
Sirius tried to deploy his biggest and most effective puppy-dog eyes. "Come back and cuddle? It's cold out here."
Remus crossed his arms petulantly. "Should have thought of that."
"Please?" Sirius looked down and could tell that Remus was trying hard not to smile. "Pleasepleasepleaseplease—"
"Fucking hell, alright ." Remus huffed and rolled back over, throwing his arm across Sirius again and resting his chin on his chest. "No more tickles."
"No more tickles," Sirius confirmed, leaning his head down to press a kiss to Remus' nose. " Now , as I was saying. I had a very painless thought the other day when I was studying for Astronomy."
"Mhm?"
"Well, Sirius is a star, you know,"
"—The brightest star in the sky—" Remus interrupted, smiling up at him.
Sirius smiled back. "Right. And you're Moony . And, well, we're a bit like the moon and the stars aren't we?"
"And you say I'm the sap." Remus chuckled, but then pushed himself up so he could kiss Sirius again. When they pulled apart, Remus grinned. "Why were you studying your own star? It's not exactly the hardest thing to spot."
"I'd had a long day! I thought if I studied something I knew then at least I'd feel like I'd learned something."
Remus was still grinning cheekily at him. "Sure. And then what, you ended up daydreaming about me?"
"Oi! I'm trying to be romantic here!"
"Sorry, Pads. It was very sweet." Remus reached for Sirius' hand. "It changes the moon a bit, you know? I mean, it's always been a scary thing for me, that panic of a full moon night. But since you and James and Pete have been in my life it hasn't been so scary. It's awful, of course, but I know I've at least got you three to help me. You've really changed my life. My little star— fy seren fach ."
Sirius gaped down at him, unsure of what to say. "Wow, Moons. You really out-romanced me there."
"It's not a bloody contest." Remus chuckled fondly.
"I know." Sirius leant down to kiss him again. "All I've ever wanted is to make your moons better. I never want you to suffer more than you absolutely must. Now, I thought you told me you didn't pay attention to your Welsh lessons?"
"Yeah, well I know some things. I'm not completely incompetant." Remus rolled his eyes. "Can you pass me a chocolate bar?"
Sirius snorted and sat up, dislodging Remus from his spot on his chest. He ended up with his head on Sirius's lap instead, as Sirius sorted through a small stack of chocolates next to him.
"Of course, ma lune . Which one?" He asked, as he sorted through them. "Oo, let's try this one!"
Remus made a face and rolled off of Sirius's lap, sitting up so they faced each other, their knees pressed together. "The Christmas one?"
"It's seasonally appropriate!"
"It looks scary ." Remus gingerly pulled the vibrantly packaged chocolate bar out of Sirius's hands and peeled back the wrapper. He looked back up at Sirius and raised an eyebrow. "You want to eat this?"
It seemed to only be chocolate in name, as it was bright red and neon green in color, the two swirling and creating an awful pattern that hurt to look at. "Yes? You don't?" Sirius asked, before leaning forward and taking a bite out of the chocolate in Remus's hand.
"Sirius!"
"Oh." Sirius sat back and furrowed his brows as he chewed. "Well, it's different."
Remus choked, clearly having taken a bite as well. " Sirius . It tastes like a tree ."
"A Christmas tree. Seasonally appropriate." Sirius held out a normal bar of dark chocolate. "Here."
"Thanks, babe. Want this monstrosity?" Remus tossed the chocolate at Sirius.
"Babe?" Sirius repeated, cheeks flushed.
"Oh," Remus blushed as well, "Sorry. I-I didn't mean to. Is that weird?"
"No, no. I…I um,"
There was a rustling noise coming from behind them, and they turned to see Peter rushing towards them, huffing with a letter clutched in his hands. A girl with shoulder length black hair was following him, though she looked rather put-out (probably for having her date interrupted).
"Guys, guys, I got a letter!" Peter said, finally reaching their spot and collapsing down on the blanket. The girl—Caroline, Remus recognized—perched herself on a nearby rock. "It's from James."
Notes:
hope you enjoyed ! comment and kudos if you desire !
Chapter 21: every moon
Notes:
hello! this chapter gets kinda heavy with parent and death stuff, so heads up for that. It is, however, essentially 1.5k words of hurt/comfort lmao so there's that.
EDITED: 8.28.21
all the warnings still apply:) also I changed the quote lol but that was the biggest thing I did
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
" But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm
If your cascade ocean wave blues come
All these people think love's for show
But I would die for you in secret
The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me
Would it be enough if I could never give you peace? "
—"peace," taylor swift
The afternoon came and went; the easy, happy energy of the morning gone and replaced with a melancholy quiet. As evening fell, cold and bright blue outside the large windows in the common room, the Gryffindor seventh years sat around the fire in silence. Sirius had the letter from James clutched in his hands and had just broken the news to them.
"When will they come back?" Marlene asked quietly. She was sitting in one of the big armchairs, Hestia in her lap, her arms wrapped around her waist and her cheek pressed up against her shoulder. Remus felt envy curl in his stomach every time he looked at them, and so had settled for staring down at his crossed arms. It felt wrong to get upset over something like that considering the circumstances, and so the envy was always followed by pangs of guilt. He and Sirius were sharing the couch—he sitting on it horizontally, legs bent so only the tips of his socked toes touched Sirius's, who was curled up opposite him, the letter now folded and placed on the side table. Remus could see he was now absentmindedly picking at the skin around his nails.
"James didn't say. Probably in the next few days." Peter said, fiddling with a loose string on his sleeve.
"I can't believe Lily's dad passed," Mary said with a sigh. "He wasn't really that old at all— we're not that old. We're only seventeen; sometimes I feel like…like death is following us around…if that doesn't sound stupid. "
"I don't think it's stupid," Hestia said quietly, fingers lightly tracing over Marlene's. "S'pose we need to get used to it—death, that is. With the war and all."
Remus had had enough, and with a pounding heart he stood up suddenly, swallowing hard when everyone turned to look at him in surprise. "Er, sorry. Just I—I think I'm off to bed for the night. Think I might write to Lily," he murmured, before turning and hurrying up the stairs. Part of him desperately wanted Sirius to follow him, while the other part wanted only to be alone.
As soon as he snapped the door of the dormitory behind him, Remus took a deep breath. The room was cool and quiet, and he felt he could practically hear the sound of his heart over the deafening silence and the gentle tick of the small clock on Peter's bedside table. It was soothing, but as soon as he was given a moment to think a wave of sadness hit him, and he sat down hard on his bed.
He sat there a moment, feeling every emotion run through his body like electricity—like the waves on the shore of his mother's favorite beach by their house. She'd grown up in the next town over, and would take Remus in the summer to visit all her favorite spots from her youth. The two of them take the old car and look for sea glass on the shore and get ice cream on their way home (Remus always got chocolate, of course, and his mother always got strawberry). Remus remembered when he was younger and scared of the sea—ankle deep in the ocean and his mother grasping his hand, trying to coax him out deeper.
Feeling tears pricking at his eyes, Remus shook his head and stood up, deciding to get ready for bed and write to Lily in the morning. Mechanically, he pulled on his pajamas and brushed his teeth, avoiding his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Walking out of the bathroom, he eyed his carefully made bed, but ended up padding over to Sirius's instead, pulling back the duvet and climbing in, taking an unsteady breath.
He'd only just let his eyes slip close when the door opened with a quiet creak. Remus ignored it, pulling the blankets up closer to his chin.
" Chéri ?" It was Sirius, poking his head around the door of their dorm. "Are you alright?"
Remus sighed, and opened his eyes. He lolled his head to the side so he could see Sirius, lit from the back and cast in shadow (he looked like something out of a painting, or maybe an angel with the way the light from the stairway lit up the stray hairs around his head). (Remus decided to keep that thought to himself).
"Come here?" Remus asked, breaking the silence. Sirius snapped the door shut and shrugged off his jacket, kicking off his jeans and pulling on some pajama pants on the way (Remus thought they might have been James'). He was still in his thick sweater, and pulled it off to reveal a plain white shirt. He threw the sweater behind him at random before he crawled into bed next to Remus.
Remus spared him a tiny smile, and glanced around at the clothes now littering the floor. "Are you going to pick those up?"
"Nah. They landed mostly on James' bit of the dorm. S'just payback for all the stuff he leaves in my room at home." Sirius settled down into the pillows and pulled Remus to him. At the mention of James, Remus sighed. "Is this about Lily? And her dad?" Sirius asked quietly after a moment.
"Yes." Remus paused. "No."
Sirius was quiet and waited for Remus to continue. As soon as they'd read the letter earlier that day, something had changed in Remus. Sirius knew there was something bothering him, but he also knew better than to nag him about it.
Sirius felt as Remus grabbed at one of his hands, lacing their fingers. With another sigh, Remus began rubbing over the rough skin on his thumb.
"You were picking at it earlier, your thumb," Remus practically whispered. Smoothing his own thumb over the reddened skin again and again.
"I know." Sirius whispered back. It had been a particularly bad habit of his as a child, but now only resurfaced now and then when he got particularly anxious. Remus brushed over another roughened patch of skin, and Sirius felt his heartbeat rise as he remembered forcibly the way he used to get in trouble for picking or biting his fingers, the way his mother used to punish him. He closed his eyes, and cleared his throat. "I think you're avoiding my question."
"It is Lily…it's, well it's just that knowing what she's going through right now…losing a parent, you know," Remus spoke, his phrases a little disjointed as he tried to put his feelings into words. "It's made it really real." He finished, quietly, as if he were talking more to himself than Sirius.
"It's made what feel real?" Sirius asked, brow furrowed. Remus took an unsteady breath and pulled away, turning so he and Sirius were face to face. There was a wobble to Remus's voice when he spoke next.
"Sirius, I think my mother is dying." His voice was quiet, though easily heard in the heavy silence. Sirius remembered a few nights earlier, over a week now, when they'd talked in bed, lightly and full of laughter. It struck Sirius just then how much had changed in that week. It was odd sometimes, the way so much could happen in only days.
"Has she said so?" Sirius asked. Remus shook her head, and fell back on the bed, staring up at the canopy above them. Sirius sat up, resting on one elbow so he could look down at Remus.
"No, but I know . In all her letters there's just this…undercurrent of something . She seems desperate to see me, and last time we hugged she held me like…like it was the last time. Which sounds so stupid but… and I hear her and my dad whispering late at night…they think I can't hear them, but y'know, werewolf hearing…" he paused then, and blinked hard, tearing his eyes away from Sirius and looking out towards the window. "I'm not sure I can do the moons without her. Alone."
Sirius reached out, dragging his fingers gently through the curls that had fallen over Remus's forehead. His eyes flickered back over to Sirius's. "And what gave you the impression that you'd be doing it alone, Mr. Lupin?"
Remus huffed. "You know you guys can't be there with me during the summers."
"Ah, but Moonbeam," Sirius brushed his finger just under Remus's right eye, collecting the small tear that was threatening to spill down his cheek. "We'll be done with school by then. We'll have our own little apartment in London and we'll spend every moon together."
Remus furrowed his brow, and opened his mouth like he was going to speak, but Sirius shook his head. " Every moon. Until we're seventy and your fur's gone grey."
Remus let out a watery chuckle and Sirius brushed away another tear. "What about when we're seventy-one?" he asked.
Sirius rolled his eyes, grinning. "I'll be there when you're seventy-one too. And seventy-two, seventy-three, seventy-four—"
"Okay, okay. I get the picture." Sirius could see a real Remus-smile underneath his watery exterior. He smiled back, gently.
"We really love you, Remus, all of us. We'll be there if your mother dies, we'll be there for every moon and every morning after. You know that, right?" He met Remus's eyes. "I'll be there."
Remus, not trusting himself to say much, stared into Sirius's eyes a moment before burying his face into the other boy's chest, hiding his tears in Sirius's pajama shirt. Sirius was quiet, a hand brushing through the curls at the nape of his neck.
"I love you all too," Remus whispered. "You…you and James and Peter. How did I get so lucky?"
Remus felt Sirius shrug against him. "I think the real question is how did we get so lucky."
"Sap," Remus murmured, managing another small chuckle.
"Hey, you started it!"
Notes:
hello again. I hope you liked this chapter :) comment and kudos if u want! (also, thanks so much for 5,000 hits ! crazy!)
Chapter 22: you need a james hug, and i'm not going to take no for an answer
Notes:
evening, all. another chapter so soon after the last! this is practically unheard of for me lmao. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get the next one out because my computer screen is currently broken (I am typing this through several colorful lines flickering across my screen), so I'm not sure when that will all be fixed. hopefully /soon/ lol
EDITED: 8.29.21
not much changed in this chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
" But I'm gonna stick to you boy, you'll never get rid of me
There's no other place in this world where I rather would be "
— "honey, honey," abba
tuesday, december 23, 1977
Mum,
I just got your letter, and wanted to start by saying that Lily's dad passed a few days ago. I thought you'd like to know, since you said you were praying for him. She's back now, and seems to be doing better. We've all been there for her, just like you've always been there for me.
This situation—Lily's dad dying, supporting her through it—has made me really see how important it is that we are there for those that we love, and how it's important that we're open with each other.
You've always been there for me, despite our differences and when dad wasn't there, but I don't think we're being open with each other right now.
I want you to know that I'm dating Sirius. We've been dating for just about a week, but it's different with Sirius—he's been my closest friend for seven years. I can't imagine much can come between us now. I'm sure this will be a shock to you, but I want you to be the first to know. Because I love you.
Because I love you, I want to ask you to be really truly honest with me. I've noticed something's been going on with you, and I want to know before it's too late.
Are you ill? I'm sure you've only been keeping it a secret to protect me, but I'd feel better if I knew for sure. I only want to be there for you—
"Fuck." Remus grumbled, dropping his quill and rubbing his hand over his face. There was ink on one of his fingers, and it smudged over his cheekbone.
"Alright, mate?" James asked, carefully. He and Remus were alone in the common room. Many people had gone home for the holidays, but those that remained were outside enjoying the snow. Sirius and Peter had gone down to the kitchens to get them snacks. They intended to spend their afternoon getting everything together for their Christmas party, which was only two days away.
"Yeah," Remus sighed, pulling his hand away. Remus knew his eyes would be red and watery as he looked over at James, and he hoped he wouldn't notice. Alas, no such luck. (He should have known, though. James Potter was nothing but observant when it came to his friends).
"Yeah, alright, you little liar," James scoffed. Remus raised an eyebrow at him. "Come on, get over here."
James scooted so he was sitting up on the couch, and opened his arm, clearly intending for Remus to get under it.
"Thanks, James, but I don't really need a hug right now. I'll just finish this letter and stop being such a bloody emotional mess—"
"No, no." James shook his head, and fixed Remus with a glare. "You need a James Hug, and I'm not going to take no for an answer."
"Merlin, ever heard of consent?" Remus quipped.
"Cuddle me, Remus."
"Christ, alright ." Remus honestly thought the idea of a hug from James sounded quite nice right about then, so didn't put up much of a fight. He joined James on the couch, letting himself get wrapped up in his big arms. He settled his head on his chest with a sigh.
James grinned, though Remus couldn't see it from his position. "How are you feeling now?"
"It seems that with this one hug you've solved all my problems. My mother's healthy, I'm no longer a werewolf, I've passed my Newts, my crops are watered…"
"You're loving it."
Remus snorted against him. "You're confident."
"No one has ever said anything bad about a James Hug, so you're right, I am rather confident in my abilities."
The portrait hole swung open, and Peter and Sirius walked through. Peter was carrying a large tray full of food, and Sirius was picking bits off of it every once and awhile. From his spot on James's chest, Remus saw Sirius laugh loudly at something Peter said before he looked up and made eye contact with him. When he was sure Peter was looking away, Remus shot Sirius a wink. (Sirius pretended to not be flustered).
"Prongs, you're giving Moony a James Hug ?" Sirius crossed his arms. "I'm so jealous."
"Of who?" Remus mumbled, gaining a loud laugh from James and the blush to creep up further up Sirius's cheeks. Remus pulled away then, giving James a little pat on the arm as a way of thanks.
"Moony was sad, and I simply couldn't sit here while the poor lad cried! All on his own, smudging the ink of his letter to his sweet mother…"
"Thank you, James. I think we've gotten the picture now." Remus said dryly, standing up to cross back over to the desk, where his letter sat unfinished.
"Are you okay?" Peter asked, setting down the food on the coffee table. He handed Remus a small plate with a brownie and some strawberries (James had added the strawberries).
"You were crying?" Sirius asked him, concerned. He perched himself on the edge of the desk, swinging his legs so there was a soft thump every time his heels hit the wood.
"I was not crying ." Three unbelieving looks were cast his way. "Okay, let me rephrase that. No tears actually fell from my eyes."
"Oh, moons…" Sirius began, but was silenced when Remus held up his hand.
"No speaking, I need to finish this."
There were a few moments of silence, broken by the sound of Remus's quill scratching on the parchment and Sirius stealing a strawberry off his plate. He wrote a few final lines before signing it and slipping it into an envelope, then attaching it to Artemis' leg. He gave her a goodbye pat on her head and she was off, through the open window and into the crisp December afternoon.
"Did you tell her?" Sirius asked, rather vaguely. Remud knew what he meant. They'd spoken extensively the night before, and came up with a sort of plan. First they'd tell his mother about their relationship, then they'd tell their friends (though they hadn't quite worked out a timeline for that second bit yet).
"Yeah." Remus turned to face Sirius, who was still lounging on the desk.
A fond sort of look came over his face. "Rem, you've got…" he licked his thumb and reached out, rubbing at the ink on his cheek. Remus smiled up at him.
"Thanks, Pads."
"No time to flirt! We've got a party to prepare, people!" James exclaimed loudly, jumping up and clapping his hands for emphasis.
"We weren't—" Sirius began, then paused when he caught Remus' raised eyebrow. "Well… whatever . What's first for our party planning?"
"I'm going to need a little more enthusiasm, Padfoot." James said, hands on his hips. (He looked startlingly like Euphemia as he glared across the room at them.)
"Like mother like son," Sirius murmured quietly. Remis snorted.
"No whispers! Get up! We're starting with the decor…"
The girls had been decorating some days before, so the common room was already decked out in garlands and had an impressive tree in one corner, but James still thought there was far more that could be done (" just some garland isn't going to cut it, Remus. This is Christmas, for Merlin's sake…" ).
He'd ordered Sirius and Remus to stay and try to figure out how to charm the ceiling like the Great Hall to make it look like it was snowing (he'd gotten the idea from Marlene the day the girls had decorated it, but modified it to get rid of the messy aspect); then he'd given them a stack of books and left with Peter. Their task was to sneak down to Hogsmeade and try to get some Firewhisky from Rosmerta at the Three Broomsticks (by force or by flirting, Remus and Sirius weren't yet sure).
"Be good, you two." James said, just before he left.
"Of course we'll be good ," Sirius rolled his eyes. "What do you think we'll get up to?"
James narrowed his eyes, and walked backwards across the room, eyes flickering between the two of them. "I can't be sure…"
"You're so bloody dramatic, Prongs. Just go!" Remus said, crossing his arms and trying his best to look stern.
Peter had already left the portrait hole, but stuck his head back in the room momentarily when James joined him in the hall. "Enjoy yourselves," Peter sing-songed. The door closed, and they were gone.
"Those absolute little shits ." Sirius grumbled, sinking down in his chair. "Is this their new game plan? Just leave us alone as often as possible and hope we just…make out?"
"S'a little late for that." Remus mumbled, cheek pressed into his hand as he flipped through a book James had left them.
"Merlin, maybe that's it!" Sirius sat up straight again, eyes wide. Remus turned to look at him, quiet as he waited for Sirius's inevitable explanation. "They know. They have to fucking know."
"How could they know?" Remus sat back in his chair, turning a little so his and Sirius's knees brushed against each other under the table.
"Well, Pete had a right laugh when he saw we'd slept in the same bed that night a few days ago. And then…I dunno. They can probably like…tell or something. I suppose we look different. Do I look different to you? Glowy?"
"Absolutely glowing . Are you pregnant?" Remus grinned, then schooled his face back into a stern frown, whispering, "am I not the father?"
"You're such a dick. I'm being serious! And please , don't make a Sirius joke." He shuddered in mock horror, as if he didn't make jokes about his name all the time.
"Wouldn't dream of it, babe. But really, would it really bother you if they knew?" Sirius had his hands clasped tightly together, and Remus reached out to grab one of them, pulling it back into his own lap and running his fingers over the smooth skin on the back of his hand, and the rough calluses on his fingers.
"I guess not. I just…want it to be on our own terms, you know?"
"It will be, Pads, don't worry."
"Yeah." There was a silence, then Sirius was pulling on Remus's hand, pulling him closer. "They did leave us alone…"
"Mm, they did…" Remus smiled as he closed the gap between them, pressing his lips to Sirius'. Sirius' hands fell from Remus' and wound their way around his waist, slipping under his shirt and laying flat against his back. Remus had his hands in Sirius' hair, and—
"Good lord, what have we got here?"
Remus and Sirius sprung apart, Sirius needing to grab onto the table as he almost toppled backwards off his chair. It was Marlene, arms crossed and shit-eating grin spread across her face, Hestia stood next to her, grinning just as wide.
"Fucking hell," Remus muttered, letting his forehead fall foreward and hit the table, pressing his hand up to his own racing heart.
"This is new," Hestia said casually.
"'Spose. Though it was newer about a week ago," Sirius said, sighing. "Don't tell anyone. Please?"
"Of course we won't," Marlene said, seriously. She and Hestia crossed the room and took the seats across from Sirius and Remus. Remus picked up his head and rested it on his hand. His heart was pounding and he felt ill. "Who else knows?"
"You two. My mum in a few days," Remus said.
"Not James and Peter?" Hestia asked, brows furrowed. "But I thought they had that whole fake dating thing going? I mean, surely they knew you two liked each other."
"I guess they had some idea, yeah," Sirius shrugged. "We just…wanted a moment to ourselves, you know?"
Marlene hummed, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. She was wearing a simple, soft-looking leather jacket, and had two long blonde braids trailing down over her shoulders (Remus supposed Hestia had braided her hair. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to braid Sirius's hair. He wasn't sure it was long enough to hold a braid, but he'd like to try if Sirius would let him). (He'd probably let him).
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Why are you looking at us like that?"
"I'm not looking at you like anything!"
"Yes you are! Like we're some kind of bloody museum exhibit. Never seen a gay person before, Marls?" Sirius teased. Marlene huffed, and rolled her eyes.
"Prick."
"We're just glad you worked it out. We're happy for you," Hestia said, smiling across at them. "Or at least I am. Dunno about Marls, here."
Marlene gasped dramatically, then gently hit Hestia's shoulder. The other girl laughed and hit her back. "Of course I'm happy for you. Really really."
"Thanks guys," Remus said. He felt a lot more at ease. He supposed he had felt more shocked at being found out than anything; he knew Marlene and Hestia would be supportive.
"Now that that's all out of the way, we can get back to decorating. Marls, do you remember that spell that makes it snow?" Sirius asked.
Marlene visibly brightened. "Of course I do, dear Sirius."
Twenty minutes later, the four seventh years found themselves standing in snow up to their ankles, desperately trying to pick up anything that could be damaged by water off the floor.
"I told you we should have modified the spell, Sirius!" Remus grumbled, brushing snow off of a 17th century book about vampires in Australia he'd saved from a low bookshelf.
"I didn't know it would actually make it fucking snow!"
"What's the countercurse?" Hestia asked, trying to vanish a large mound near the portrait hole, to no avail.
"I don't know, I don't know," Marlene mumbled, flipping madly through some of the books James left. She was sitting cross-legged on the table to avoid the worst of the snow on the floor.
"Hurry up!" Sirius growled, grabbing a handful and throwing it out the window. "If Minnie finds this she's going to actually murder us. They'll hang our heads above the fireplace in the common room like House Elves. It'll be a warning—if you and three other gay seventh year wizards decide fill the entire fucking room with snow, this could be you!"
" Fuck , I forgot about McGonagall!" Marlene groaned. "I can't get detention!"
"You better start searching faster then," Sirius said darkly, tossing another meagre handful of snow out the window.
"Well, you could help me, you know," Marlene snapped. She grabbed a book at random and tossed it at Sirius. He managed to just barely catch it.
Clamoring over a snowbank, Sirius made it to Marlene's table and climbed on top, glowering across at her. "I bet I'll find it first."
Marlene huffed. "Yeah, sure."
" Merlin ," Remus groaned, closing his eyes and rubbing his hands over his face.
"Why did we leave them in charge again?" Hestia asked from beside him.
"No bloody idea."
Notes:
hi :) hope you all enjoyed the chapter ! comment and kudos if you liked it !
Chapter 23: i've been meaning to tell you, i'm dating peter
Notes:
hi! I finally found time to finish this chapter lol. also, I went back to all the chapters and added little quotes/song lyrics to the start of them. Some are book quotes, but if they're lyrics then the songs will be on the playlist! (like this one! I think this is the first song I added to the playlist)
EDITED: 8.30.21
biggest thing I changed in this chapter was some of Remus' fun little religion monologue at the start. also last chapter should be out tomorrow!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
" And when you ran to me
Your cheeks flushed with the night
We walked on frosted fields
of juniper and lamplight
I held your hand
And when I awoke and felt you warm and near
I kissed your honey hair with my grateful tears
Oh I love you girl
Oh I love you "
— "for emily, whenever i may find her," simon & garfunkel
wednesday, december 24, 1977
Remus wasn't a religious man. Despite his mother's religious upbringing (Remus had never even met that side of his family—religion and magic didn't often mix well. Which made his parents pairing even more ironic, he thought), she hadn't much bothered to instill any of it in him. If he had to guess, he would imagine it was his father's doing.
Lyall had always thought religion was unorthodox (and it was, really, in the wizarding world), but Remus knew that his mother kept a bible in the back of one of the kitchen cupboards and, when alone with Remus on the night of the moon, would always tell him the same thing.
She'd tell him to picture his body, just the way it was, and to imagine it flooding with bright yellow light from the tips of his fingers and toes to the deep recesses of his heart— God's love , she would say, running her fingers through his hair, giving him one last kiss on the forehead. Remus did as she said, every moon, but he wasn't sure it was God's love he felt strengthening him, but rather, just love. The love of his mother, his friends—that was his religion.
He knew his mother prayed in stolen moments when his father was busy or out of the house. Though for who she prayed for, Remus wasn't entirely sure. He supposed she prayed for him and, surely, his father. She'd prayed for Lily's father.
Remus had prayed only once. It was after a particularly bad moon over the summer—he'd probably been thirteen or fourteen. He was outgrowing the cage his father had put him in, and in the morning he'd nearly clawed himself half to death. His father was always worse around the moons—meaner—though Remus had never really understood why. In hindsight, it was probably just the reminder his son was a dangerous half-breed . Those were the words he'd used that morning, muttered under his breath, angrily mopping up Remus's blood from the ground.
His mother had seen to him later, gently and cracking small jokes the whole time (much like Sirius did for him at school). He'd prayed for her that night, prayed that she'd always be there. It had felt a little silly at the time, and still felt a little silly to Remus five years later.
But either way, he supposed it hadn't worked.
"Moonlight?" Sirius whispered. "You up?"
It was early morning and Remus sat on his bed, the curtains open so he could watch the sunrise. Sirius poked his head through his own curtains, squinting at the weak winter light that filtered through the windows.
" Moonlight ? That's new," Remus whispered back.
"Just mixing it up." Sirius looked around the room to confirm everyone else was asleep, then raised one eyebrow. "You coming in?" he asked, twitching the curtains open a fraction, enough for Remus to slip into his bed. Remus complied.
They were quiet as they crawled back under Sirius's blankets. Remus found himself practically half on top of him, head on his chest. He closed his eyes, and had almost fallen asleep again to Sirius's heartbeat and his hand in his hair, when Sirius spoke. "You're awake early. What were you up to this morning?"
"I've been meaning to tell you, I'm dating Peter. We've been having an on-and-off affair for the past week or so. Sometimes we have time for a quick shag in the shower in the mornings," Remus mumbled sleepily, eyes still closed. Sirius snorted, and Remus felt the vibrations of it reverberate through him. He smiled into Sirius's pajama shirt. "Kidding. I was just taking some quiet time to think."
"Ah, so you were worrying about your mother and what she would say in response to your letter?"
Remus huffed. "Yeah, I mean she's always liked Wormy well enough, but I'm not sure she'd really fancy him as a son-in-law."
"Goodness, marriage already?"
"Mm," Remus yawned. "I'm expecting him to pop the question any day now really."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're so annoying but still manage to look cute. Do tell, what's your secret?"
"Well, I'm a werewolf, and werewolves are notoriously adorable and cuddly, obviously . Also you're annoying and cute all the time, so I s'pose I learnt it from you."
"I'm going to take that as a compliment. I think it's because your Welsh accent gets thicker when you're tired."
"It so does not."
"It so does."
Sirius trailed a thumb over the blush on Remus's freckled and scar-littered cheeks. He'd always thought that Remus's skin looked like the night sky—scars stretching between smattering of freckles like constellations. "Now, where were we?"
"Me and Pete's undying love for each other?"
"Ah, yes. You were avoiding my question. So, Rem, what were you worrying about this morning?"
Remus sighed, and rolled off of Sirius's chest, landing on a pillow with a dramatic huff. He pulled himself up so he and Sirius were shoulder to shoulder. "I guess I'm nervous to hear what my mother has to say about me and you, but even more nervous to hear what she has to say about herself."
Sirius hummed, and reached out to take Remus's hand, which was clenched around a handful of his sheets. "At least you'll know the truth."
"Yeah," he said faintly. Then, with more certainty. "Also, I want to tell James and Pete about us. Today."
"Alright." Sirius leaned over, and pressed a kiss to his temple (there was a mole there, on his left temple), "I'm ready if you are."
The Great Hall was oddly barren, and a smattering of students were spread out across the four tables. The seventh year occupants of Gryffindor tower (minus Frank and Alice, who had to go home for the holidays) were laughing loudly, cheeks flushed from their morning out in the snow.
"I can't believe I missed it," James said, shaking his head solemnly. James had just made Sirius retell the story of their failed snow spell for the millionth time since he'd told him the night before. "You four, up to your waists in snow in the common room, Minnie at the door, furious. I mean. What. A. Scene."
"Yeah, I'd rather you'd been there than me," Marlene said. "I'll be in detention until I die!"
"Don't be dramatic, McKinnon. It's only a month," Sirius said, waving a hand dismissively.
"Dramatic? You were the one who said our heads would be hung above the fireplace like house elves!"
"A month with Filch. Merlin knows what he'll make us do." Hestia shuddered. "I know he's itching to get out those bloody…medieval torture methods he loves to go on about."
"He's always threatening that. It's all just talk," Remus said, shrugging. He pushed his soup around with his spoon. "He'll probably make us…give a bath to that new kitten of his, Mrs. Norris."
Sirius snorted. "Yeah, then take her for a walk around the school. But not too long, mind. She's got tiny little legs; she's only a baby."
"Of course," Remus nodded solemnly. "Wouldn't want to tire out the poor, sweet thing."
"You two aren't taking this seriously at all are you?" Lily asked.
"No," Sirius and Remus said, simultaneously. They looked at each other and laughed.
Marlene rolled her eyes. "Ridiculous. The both of you."
After lunch, The boys decided to have a snowman building contest, and managed to drag Mary and Lily into it as well. Marlene and Hestia declined, deciding instead to take a walk around the courtyard.
They could still see their friends in the snow, save for the occasional stone wall. Marlene slipped her gloved hand into Hestia's as they walked, enjoying the quiet that was occasionally interrupted by loud shrieks of laughter and muffled voices.
"When do you think they'll tell the others?" Hestia asked then, swinging her and Marlene's hands just barely. "Sirius and Remus, I mean."
"Dunno. Soon I'd imagine, while they still have the choice."
Hestia hummed, and they fell back into silence again.
" James Fleamont Potter, I swear to God if you try to put snow down my shirt again—"
Marlene snorted. "Lily's really got her hands full with that one."
"Yeah," Hestia grinned, "She really loves him though, I can tell." Hestia tightened her hand around Marlene's. Then, because she'd been thinking it for days—"I really love you , you know. Which is maybe crazy actually and that was a stupid way to have said that thinking back on it but I suppose now you—mmph."
Marlene had grabbed her face in her hands and kissed her soundly, walking them backwards until Hestia's back was pressed against an old stone wall in some hidden corner. When Marlene pulled back a fraction, Hestia continued. "I've never spent Christmas away from my family before but I…well, I really wanted to. To spend it with you, here. I'd spend every Christmas with you, if I could, forever—"
Marlene cut her off with another kiss, pressing Hestia back into the stones. "You talk far too much. But ," she grinned cheekily at her. "I love you too. Happy Christmas Eve, darling."
Hestia sighed happily. "Happy Christmas Eve, Marly."
"Mary, tell Pete he's shit at snowman making."
"Peter, Remus wants you to know you're shit at snowman making."
"I know, I know. They stressed me out, okay! I'm not good under pressure," Peter mumbled, hiding his face in his hands.
"It was a snowman building contest, not a fight to the death," said Remus, rolling his eyes. They were all back in the common room, trying to get warm by the fire before dinner.
No one knew where Marlene and Hestia had gone off to, but everyone else was accounted for. Peter and James were sitting on their normal couch, while Sirius and Mary were in the adjacent armchairs. Lily was upstairs looking for nail polish, as Sirius wanted to paint his nails again, and Remus had planted himself directly in front of the fireplace.
He always ran hot around the moons, but as he was almost exactly between the last full moon and the next one, he was back to his usual human temperature (which for Remus meant freezing —he was almost always wearing two sweaters). He would have much rather joined Sirius in his chair, but they still hadn't spoken to James or Peter yet about their relationship.
While Peter, James, and Mary were getting into a quickly escalating discussion about snowmen, Remus risked a glance at Sirius, as if to communicate a million unsaid worries. He smiled easily back at him.
"Will you let me paint your nails?" Sirius asked him. They were close enough that he didn't need to yell, even as James shrieked something about " twelve fucking buttons, Pettigrew, honestly... "
Remus looked down at his nails, neatly cleaned and filed. "I don't know. I'm mostly worried about your nail painting skills more than anything, honestly."
"Oi! It can't be that hard." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows. "You know you want to…"
Remus pretended to deliberate, though he'd known he'd cave as soon as Sirius had asked him. He huffed, and reached out a foot to kick Sirius gently on the shin. "Fine."
"Yes!"
James quieted and peered around Peter. "What are you two whispering about?"
"Moons is letting me paint his nails."
"Oh, nice! Can you paint mine?"
"Ooo, and mine?" Peter exclaimed.
Once Lily returned, Sirius spent far too long picking the right color for Remus' nails. In the end, however, he picked out a pale green color. He said that it reminded him of the little flecks of green in Remus' caramel eyes. ( Remus blushed profusely when he'd whispered it in his ear.) (Had he spoken above a whisper, Remus was sure it would have blown their cover.)
"How's the girlfriend, Pete." Mary asked conversationally as she applied a thin layer of sky blue nail polish. Mary had offered to paint Peter's nails, and Lily had taken James. (James had picked out a bubblegum pink, but Lily claimed it clashed with her hair and had picked him out a softer pink instead). "What'll she think about your new nails?"
"She'll think they're cool, I reckon." There was a silence, then Peter blurted out, "We shagged! Me and Caroline, I mean. I've been wanting to say but then never found a good time and—"
"Wormy!" James exclaimed, jostling his hand in his fervor and causing Lily to paint a stripe of polish on his skin. "Tell us everything ."
"Everything?" Sirius repeated, glancing up at James from the spot he and Remus had snagged by the fire.
"Everything! Come on, don't you want to hear about our little Wormy's sexual escapades?"
"Absolutely not. Especially not when you say it like that, Prongs." Sirius snorted, and Remus watched as he slipped back into concentration, his tongue resting between his teeth as he finished a coat of polish. " Voila. J'ai fini, ma lune ."
"I don't know what that means," Remus whispered.
Sirius smiled at him. "I've finished."
"Oh, right. And ma lune ? Are we back on the French names?"
"Yep. French sounds nice coming out of your mouth, by the way."
Remus tried to raise his eyebrows at him in a casual kind of way, but he knew he was blushing. "Stop flirting with me, Black."
"I'm not sure you know what you're asking for there, Lupin."
Remus opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a loud gasp from James. It seemed that he had, in fact, gotten Peter to tell him about him and Caroline. "Oh, Pete, a broom closet?"
"Romantic." Lily said dryly. She performed some charm to dry James' nails then leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek.
"Well, I wasn't about to take her to our dorm, was I?" Peter asked defensively.
"Why not?" James asked plainly. Peter narrowed his eyes and Sirius laughed before he could stop himself, ducking his head in the crook of his arm to hide most of it.
"I really don't want to know what you've done in our dorm, Prongs. Merlin ."
"It's the dorm or the broom closet, Pete." Sirius said sagely. Peter wrinkled his nose in thought.
"I suppose. How would you know?"
"Well, I…I suppose I, I mean I don't—"
"Don't hurt yourself," Remus muttered under his breath.
"Hey! Rude!"
"Watch who you're calling rude, Pads, I'm the one in control of your nails right now." Remus waved around the jar of dark, sparkly blue nail polish in his hand.
"Oh, threatening."
"I am threatening!" Remus said, practically whinging, "James, back me up."
"Terrifying." James deadpanned.
"He's lying to you, Moons. You're like…"
" Don't finish that sentence," Remus threatened.
"—the sweetest, most adorable—" Remus groaned, burying his head in his arm to hide his blush.
As late afternoon slipped into early evening, Remus began to get increasingly stressed over telling the others about him and Sirius. He felt it was rather silly, considering he was trying to stick to a non-existent deadline he made for himself, but he pulled Sirius aside as they walked back from dinner all the same.
"We should tell them back in the dorms," he said, voice low as he and Sirius trailed behind the others.
"Alright. What are we going to say?"
They quieted as Remus thought about it, any words he'd planned out beforehand slipping from his mind in the way all good plans do when you need them most. It was in these few moments that, lost in his head, he forgot about the mistletoe spell on the doorways, and didn't realize that they were entering the portrait hole until Sirius nudged him and pointed above their heads.
"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me."
James and Peter had gone in just before them (one at a time, as they'd become used to), and turned at Remus' exclamation.
James barked out a laugh. "Oh, go on then!"
Remus crossed his arms, feigning annoyance, and spared a glance in Sirius' direction, before looking up at the mistletoe above their heads. Sirius quirked an eyebrow and Remus returned the gesture with a tiny shrug. The longer he looked at the tiny sprig of mistletoe, the longer he thought perhaps it wasn't the worst situation they could have found themselves in.
"Oh, please." Peter rolled his eyes at James' enthusiasm. "You know they don't have to actually kiss, right? The charm breaks once you get a few feet away from the other person."
Remus looked up again, decision made, and brought his eyes firmly to Peters. "Yeah, but who's to say we don't want to kiss?"
Peter's eyes widened, and he and James shared a look. Sirius stepped closer to Remus, and wrapped one arm gently around his waist. "Can I kiss you?" he whispered. Remus nodded, breathing a quiet yes before their lips were pressed together. The mistletoe disappeared with a pop, and Sirius pressed a final, lingering kiss to Remus' lips before pulling away.
He grabbed Remus' hand and turned back to Peter and James with a cheery grin. "Well, that took care of that! Bed, anyone?"
" James …they actually," Peter murmured, then turned to Remus and Sirius, "are you actually…?"
"We are in fact dating—surprise—" Sirius said, pulling Remus towards the boy's staircase.
"—and will entertain any questions you may have in the morning!" Remus finished with a wave.
James stood his ground, arms crossed. " Oh , I can't believe you two! Where are you going?" They disappeared up the stairs, and he threw up his arms in exasperation and set off to follow them. "You can't just leave!"
"I've got lots of questions!" Peter squeaked, following James up the stairs.
By the fireplace, the seventh year girls were all sprawled out, watching the scene with interest.
"Well, that's one way to do it," Marlene said, as soon as all four boys had disappeared.
Lily snorted. "I suppose. You know, I think I've known that they've been dating since that day we went ice skating. They held hands the whole time and I'm pretty sure it was them I saw making out behind a tree."
"Yeah, they think no one can hear them but I swear they're bloody constantly flirting with each other," Mary said, with a fond laugh.
"Oh, to be young and in love," Hestia murmured from her spot on the carpet, just in front of the fire.
"Oi!" Marlene threw a small pillow at her and she caught it with a laugh. "You're young and in love!"
Hestia grinned, and rolled over so she could press a kiss to the tip of Marlene's nose. "Yeah. I am."
Notes:
I hope you enjoy this penultimate chapt :)) comment and kudos if u want !
Chapter 24: tea tree shampoo
Notes:
oh my god hi. it's the last chapter. thank you so much for all the support and love you've all given this fic !! it's been fun :))) enjoy the final chapter !
EDITED: 8.31.21
I said I would finish this in august and! we've still got an hour and twenty minutes left of august so, shockingly, I did it! anyways not many edits in this chapter but thank you so much again for reading and loving this fic
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
" Waterloo,
Promise to love you for ever more"
— "waterloo," abba
thursday, december 25, 1977
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS!"
The curtains of Remus' bed were flung open, and light flooded the previously peaceful space. He opened one bleary eye and looked around. To his left on his bedside table was the freshly-opened letter from his mother, it's contents confirming his worst suspicions while also being far more supportive of him and Sirius than he'd ever dreamed. Despite that, thinking of the words she'd scrawled in her messy writing made fear and sadness roll around in his gut. He pushed those feelings down—that was a problem for later. To his right was Sirius, warm and permanent and running his fingers gently through Remus' bed-head.
" No, " Remus groaned, squeezing his eyes shut again and pressing his face into Sirius' chest.
"Come on, Moonbeam," Sirius sing-songed, "It's Christmas ."
"It can be Christmas in an hour."
"Merlin, these two are already fighting like an old married couple." That was Peter, from somewhere near the end of the bed. Remus felt as another shape, James probably, sat down by their feet.
"Why is everyone here, " Remus mumbled incoherently. " Making noise."
"We live here too, shockingly," Peter said, as he too climbed on Remus' bed (much to his annoyance).
"Up you get, ma lune ," Sirius said softly, leaning down to press a kiss on the top of Remus' head. "I reckon there's chocolate in your stocking."
Remus rolled over with a grumble, and settled himself comfortably against Sirius' chest. He raised an eyebrow at Peter when he noticed the other boy's wide eyes.
"You two are like properly together, aren't you. Like…kissing and cuddling and stuff."
"Peter, we've been sleeping in the same bed for the past week," Remus pointed out, eyebrow still raised. He hadn't really meant to imply anything by it, just pointing out that they were well into kissing and cuddling , but Peter's eyes widened even more.
"Oh Merlin, so you two are…doing it in the dorm as well? Because I'm still a little foggy on the dorm versus broom closet situ—"
" Peter!" Remus exclaimed, throwing his hands over his face as he heard Sirius' loud bark of laughter. He tried to sound angry and ignore the bright blush he knew was creeping up his neck. "We are not doing it in the dorm , fucking hell." Peter opened his mouth, but Remus cut across him with a look. " Or a bloody broom closet. Prongs, hand me my stocking please. I'd like to hit Pettigrew across the head with it."
James gave him a sharp salute and got up to collect the stockings. "On it, ma lune ."
" Christ. "
Remus did get lots of chocolate, and received an extra bar (a heart-shaped one. Dark chocolate with little strawberry bits) from Sirius, though he said that it wasn't his only gift, and that Remus would get that later. Remus had a secret gift for Sirius as well, tucked carefully beneath his bed.
The sun rose higher in the sky, casting Remus' bed in a pale glow from the winter sunlight streaming through their windows, and the boys took turns opening presents. Remus' most favorite gift was the briefcase that his friends had all gone in on, and had Professor R. J. Lupin embossed along the front.
He'd stared at it, lost for words. " Well what do you think, Professor Lupin? " Sirius had whispered, resting his cheek on the top of his head.
" We know you'll make a bloody brilliant teacher one day, mate, regardless of your lycanthropy. " James had told him.
" Yeah! Fuck lycanthropy! " added Peter enthusiastically. Remus had let out a watery chuckle, and had hid his real tears in James' shoulder when he pulled him in for a tight hug.
The other most notable present was the record player Sirius got from his favorite cousin Andromeda. Along with it, she'd sent a few albums. Hunky Dory , Waterloo , Bridge Over Troubled Water, A Day At The Races, and the newest Fleetwood Mac album, Rumours —just to name a few. Andromeda had written him a long letter, giving him a rundown of every album and her personal reviews of each.
" I didn't know what music you would like, so I thought I'd give you a little of everything, " she'd written in a careful, aristocratic scrawl. She certainly had given him a little of everything. Popular albums sat among more underground ones; there was Rock and Pop and Disco and even a bit of American Folk (" Sweet Baby James, James Taylor—this was Dora's pick. She falls asleep to it every night and wanted you to be able to listen to it too. ").
Sirius hurried to set it up (with lots of help from Remus, who knew his way around muggle technology better than Sirius did), and they finished opening presents to the smooth voice of David Bowie, a backdrop to their laughter and light arguments over if they would wear the matching pajamas that James had gotten them for the rest of the day. Remus was opposed to this wholeheartedly, but he was outnumbered, and was practically forced down to the common room in his new green pajamas, adorned with little snitches and Santa hats. He wasn't sure why they were Quidditch themed, but this was James, after all.
"Cute pajamas," Lily said, when they finally made their way down for lunch. James sat beside her, and she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
Marlene pretended to gag. "Gross. Not at the table ."
James ignored her, but blushed a little and turned to kiss Lily properly.
"I'm so hungry," moaned Remus, ignoring James and Lily and looking over at the other girls. "They've been keeping me hostage and starving me. We didn't even have breakfast ."
Mary patted him on the shoulder. "Poor thing."
Sirius snorted, and rolled his eyes. "Please. You've been eating chocolate all morning, Moons."
Remus shook his head solemnly. "I'm a growing boy, Sirius. I need at least three meals a day."
"Yeah, Sirius , are you trying to stunt his growth?" Marlene asked, raising her eyebrows at him.
Sirius laughed, and Remus smiled at the sound. He liked making Sirius laugh. "Yeah, that's my evil plan. I just want to be taller than Remus for once in my bloody life."
"You were taller than me in third year," Remus pointed out, spooning soup into his bowl.
"I guess. For like a second."
Remus rolled his eyes, but smiled as he bumped his shoulder into Sirius'. "Pass the bread, love?"
"When you're finished eating, can we open more presents?" Marlene asked, sounding rather like an impatient child, "Lils wouldn't tell us what she got all of you and it's been killing me for weeks."
They did eventually make their way up to Gryffindor tower, and took advantage of the empty common room to all sit around the fire and open presents, uninterrupted. It didn't take long, and by the time they finished it was hardly mid-afternoon. Despite the early hour, a few younger kids were beginning to creep hopefully down the stairs, asking when the party was going to start.
"Oo, yes!" Hestia had exclaimed, after the kids had disappeared back up to their dorms. "I'm ready for some of the spiked eggnog."
"Hest, It's barely three in the afternoon," Mary said with a snort.
Hestia reached forward to pat her cheek. "I know, Mary, I know."
"How many people are coming to this thing anyway?" Peter asked, watching James as he got up and purposefully began to stalk the room, inspecting decorations and muttering under his breath. Remus could tell he was slipping into Planning Mode (also affectionately referred to as his Mother Hen Mode by Sirius), and was hoping he and Sirius might slip away before the worst of it.
"Fifteen or twenty? Not sure really, but probably most everyone who stayed behind for the hols." James stopped and looked down at his friends. "Alright, this room isn't nearly ready. Hestia, could you get the eggnog and firewhisky? We—"
As James turned his back on them, Remus felt a gentle tug on his hand. He turned to see Sirius, grinning softly, jerking his head towards the stairs to their dorm, eyebrow raised.
Remus smiled back, glad they were on the same page, and the two of them carefully and quietly snuck up the stairs. They were entirely unnoticed by James, who was still barking out orders.
"A true Quidditch captain," Sirius said, a hand to his heart. Remus shut the door behind them and they were alone.
"Too bad he isn't the Quidditch captain."
"Well, he was , don't forget. Only got replaced by Marls when he punched Goyle in the face."
"Oh, right." Remus took a step closer to Sirius, and saw his eyes flicker down to his mouth. "Why are we still talking about James?"
"I don't know." Sirius breathed, before closing the gap between them. "You smell nice," he whispered, making Remus laugh against his mouth. "Like…like tea tree shampoo and you."
Remus smiled against him, and gripped Sirius' waist tighter.
They continued until Sirius had his back pressed against the wall and Remus had his lips on his neck, when Sirius remembered the reason they were up in the dorm in the first place. He placed his hands on Remus' shoulders. "Moons, Remus." Remus jerked his head back, wide eyes scanning Sirius' face. Sirius reached out to drag his fingers through Remus' hair. "Sorry, Moonshadow, I'm fine. Just wanted to give you your Christmas present."
"What? This isn't my Christmas present?" Remus countered, leaning in again for another kiss. He got one (Sirius wasn't about to say no to a kiss) and grinned against his mouth. "Also, Moonshadow? Isn't that a Cat Stevens song?"
Sirius pulled back, flipped them so Remus was against the wall, and began to sing softly. " I'm being followed by a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow, leaping and hopping on a moonshadow…"
Remus surged forward and wrapped his arms tight around Sirius' waist, burying his head in his neck. "I don't deserve you," he murmured.
Sirius scoffed under him, and his arms came up to wrap around Remus. "You deserve everything."
Feeling uncharacteristically teary at the compliment, Remus sniffled, then pulled back a touch so he could look Sirius in the eyes. "I love you." His voice was quiet, slightly thick with unshed tears. It was maybe an obvious thing to say, they'd said it plenty of times before, but something felt different in the way Remus said it this time—he loved him, not in the way he loved James or Peter or Lily or Marlene or Dorcas or his mother or any of the others.
Remus watched as Sirius' eyes widened a fraction, before he smiled blindingly and leaned down to kiss Remus softly. "I love you too. Now please stop kissing me, I have a Christmas present to give you."
"You kissed me , you prat. And I want to give you my present first." Remus said, stubbornly. He took a hold of Sirius' shoulders and steered him towards his bed, pushing him until he was sitting down, legs crossed on the soft duvet. Remus went to pull away, to duck under his bed and grab the wrapped present he'd ordered all those days ago, but Sirius reached out and grabbed his arm.
"Wait, Rem, I have to tell you something." He spoke seriously, eyes wide.
"What is it?" Remus asked, brows furrowed.
Sirius' face broke out into a wide grin, and he pressed a kiss to the inside of Remus' wrist. "I love you."
Remus huffed, though he felt so happy on the inside that he thought he might actually die. "I love you too, fy seren . Now please let me go so I can get your present."
Sirius acquiesced, letting Remus duck down to grab the long brown package and set it back down on his bed. The packaging left little to the imagination, and it was rather obvious what was beneath the wrappings. Sirius' jaw practically dropped. "Rem…did you really…?"
"I don't know," Remus said vaguely, shrugging. "You better open it."
Sirius did open it, tearing at the paper until a brand new broom, identical to his recently destroyed one, lay on the bed between them.
"Oh, Remus."
"I know how much that broom meant to you. It was your freedom—freedom from your family and everything they stood for and then it broke after you fell and I knew I wanted to get you another one. You deserve to always be happy, and to be free from them and anything else."
"How did you…"
"Afford it?" Remus filled in. Sirius nodded. "Well, I've been doing a few odd jobs for my neighbors during the summer, setting aside some savings for the future." Remus shrugged. "This seemed a just cause."
Sirius launched himself at Remus, until he was practically in his lap, his arms tight around his neck. "Thank you, love," he murmured against his neck. "I am free now—I am always free with you."
"It's no problem," Remus whispered, pressing a kiss to Sirius' hair. "When do I get my present?"
Sirius pulled back with a snort. "Impatient." He grabbed his wand and vanished the wrapping paper beneath his broom, before summoning a book-sized object from the drawer of his bedside table. "I suppose we should hurry up, though. James will throw a fit when he realizes we're missing."
"He probably already knows." Remus shrugged, taking the wrapped gift from Sirius' outstretched hand and holding it in his lap a moment. Then he looked up, eyes filled with mirth and lips quirked up in a small smile. "What if they think we're shagging? And they're too scared to come upstairs and check?"
Sirius gaped at him a moment before breaking into loud laughter. "Oh, Moons, you're probably right. Poor dears. Think we ought to jump around on the bed a bit? Freak 'em out?"
Remus stood up, then flopped back on the bed. They both giggled at the loud sound of creaking bed springs. "Oh, they'll be so disappointed when they realize we've never shagged."
Sirius bounced a few times, causing them both to let out another round of giggles. "I know. How ever will we help poor Pete with his broom closet or dorm dilemma?"
"I don't know. I suppose he'll just never get a solid answer." Remus grinned at him, then held up the small package. "Got me a book, Pads?"
"Yep. Wrote it myself. It's a 200-page love letter." Sirius said, face straight. Remus raised his eyebrows, and Sirius rolled his eyes. "It's not a bloody 200-page love letter. Open it!"
When Remus opened it, he felt Sirius hadn't been far from the truth. It was an album, every page filled with photos from all seven of their years at Hogwarts, each picture with a little description or funny memory scrawled out in Sirius' neat handwriting—it was a love letter, in a way.
"Sirius, I love it," Remus murmured, fingers tracing over a photograph—it was from last year, one Peter had taken (Remus knew because it was slightly shaky) and it showed Remus laughing as James and Sirius bounded about the room, school ties around their heads and shirts partly unbuttoned, probably singing.
"There's empty pages in the back, so we can keep filling it." Sirius gently flipped the pages until he got to the last one that was filled (it was from their Halloween party last month, Remus was giggling drunkenly and was letting himself be spun around by Sirius). "The year isn't over yet."
"And then we've got the rest of our lives," Remus said, fingers resting over Sirius'.
"We've got forever."
"Hm, I'm going to need a lot more pages for forever ," Remus said, smiling and leaning towards Sirius.
"Good thing I can magically add pages." Sirius leant into Remus, kissing him.
"I love you," Remus sighed.
After finishing his third spiked eggnog drink, Remus was feeling comfortably buzzy, his chest warm as he swayed along to the music. Sirius had dragged down his new record player for the occasion, and had spent nearly half an hour carefully putting the records in the order he wanted them to be played. Remus was quite sure he'd seen Mary and Lily rearranging them earlier, but had decided to say nothing about it.
Remus set down his glass, trying to decide if he needed another drink or not (his foggy brain was quite intent on another, just for the fun of it, but part of Remus was aware that he wanted to avoid a hangover in the morning). He was staring at his glass, probably looking rather odd, when Sirius caught sight of him from across the room.
"Remus!" Sirius hurried over to him. Remus tried to think of how many drinks Sirius had had, but he couldn't remember, especially not when Sirius leaned in and began to press little kisses to his neck. "Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you."
Remus chuckled. "I've been here. How many drinks have you had?"
Sirius pulled back and scrunched up his nose as he thought, and Remus couldn't help but lean down and kiss it. "Can't think if you're kissing me," Sirius mumbled. "Think I've had four ." He dragged out the word, as if he wasn't entirely sure it was true or not.
"Five!" said James, popping up beside them. He had a wide grin on his face, and had Lily glued tight to his side.
"Five?" Remus repeated, not sober enough to connect the dots.
"Sirius has had at least five."
"Six, actually, I think," said Peter, appearing on Sirius' other side. He sighed. "Drinking makes me sad. I just, it makes me a little weepy, you know? Sirius was playing Fleetwood Mac earlier and I cried a little. Do you know how it feels to listen to Fleetwood Mac drunk? Absolutely fucking life changing. It's like…so dreamy and…" Peter sniffled, and Lily peeled herself away from James.
"Let's go get you some water, yeah?"
"Alright." Peter whispered, letting himself get led away.
"So, how was your afternoon?" James asked, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Our afternoon," Sirius repeated, a wide grin on his face. "Brilliant. Moony gave me a broom. I gave him the photo album, you know, the one we worked on, Jamie."
"Pete thought you two were shagging," James said, a little too loudly as he tried to speak over the music.
"That's what I said!" Remus gasped, then broke out into giggles. Sirius joined him, until they were both laughing and clutching at each other.
"I want another one," James said, once they'd quieted. He eyed the massive punch bowl of eggnog behind Remus. "I don't think I'm nearly drunk enough."
"Same," Sirius said wistfully. Remus took his wrists and carefully took him to one of the couches. In front of them, Hestia and Marlene were jumping around to a Queen song playing from the record player.
"I think you're plenty drunk."
"Boring."
"You'll thank me when you're not throwing up tomorrow." Remus raised one eyebrow, challenging him, but Sirius merely shrugged, and cuddled into Remus' chest.
"Alright." Sirius was quiet for a moment, his hand snaking around Remus' waist to stroke over the skin just under the hem of his sweater. "Moony, can you hear your heart beating?" he whispered. "I feel like I can hear mine, pounding."
"Not really. You're a bit of a lightweight, Pads."
"I know," Sirius groaned. "Moony?"
"Yes, love?"
"I like it when you call me that," Sirius sighed. Remus moved so they were longways on the couch, with Sirius still curled up around him.
"Is that what you were going to say?" Remus asked, amusement laced in his voice.
"Oh, no. I forgot what I—" Sirius stopped as a new song came on. "Ooh, Moons I love this song!"
Perhaps in other circumstances Remus would claim he didn't dance (he didn't dance), but Sirius was lovely and sweet and Remus felt fuzzy and unwilling to put up much of a fight.
He let himself be pulled off the couch and back into Sirius' arms.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooh you take my breath away
Look into my eyes and you'll see
I'm the only one
Sirius was pliant in Remus' arms, letting himself be led around the small rug in front of the fireplace.
"Sirius, you know I have no idea what I'm doing right now, right?" Remus asked, after he stepped on Sirius' foot and he burst into a little fit of giggles.
"You're doing wonderfully ," Sirius pulled Remus closer to him, and laid his head on Remus' shoulder. When he spoke again, Remus could feel the puffs of his breath against his neck. "Remus? Did you know that I love you?"
Remus rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Yeah, you might have mentioned it."
"Good, good. Can never say it too many times."
Remus smiled into his hair and spun them around again, giggling when he stumbled and almost fell over.
"Watch it, Lupin!" Marlene quipped, spinning by with Hestia in her arms.
"Careful, Moony." Sirius held onto the tops of his arms, giggling along with him. "Are you dizzy?"
"A bit," Remus admitted, watching as the common room around him wavered just barely.
"Come, let's go sit down." Sirius disentangled himself and began pulling Remus towards his favorite armchair.
" No ," Remus mumbled. "Let's dance. Are you dizzy?"
"A little." Sirius pulled Remus down onto his lap, ignoring his protests. "Cuddle me?"
I will find you
Anywhere you go
Right until the ends of the Earth
I'll get no sleep till I find you to
Tell you when I've found you
I love you
"What's going to happen, Sirius?" Remus asked, just as the song finished and another began.
"What d'you mean?" Sirius mumbled. It was an uncharacteristically serious comment for drunk Remus.
Remus turned to look at him, picking up his hand and dragging his fingers absentmindedly over his nails, and the sparkly nail polish from the day before. "After school," he spoke in a whisper "with the war and with…with my mother and with us and—"
"Remus—"
"I'm scared."
"Remus, we've still got half of a year. A whole half year to pull pranks and have parties and bother all the teachers. Then, after that," he said, catching as Remus opened his mouth to speak again. " After that , we'll get a flat together, just us two, if you'd like, and we can visit Prongs and Mrs. Prongs whenever we like and Peter can come and stay and we can have dinner parties and movie nights and it'll be just the same, if only a little different."
Remus was quiet, his light brown eyes boring into Sirius' bright blue ones. "I'd like that. Can we get a dog?"
"A dog." Sirius repeated. "Like a…like an actual—"
"Sirius, love, I'm having you on," Remus laughed then, eyes lighting up. "You're more than enough work."
"Oi! Rude!" Sirius laughed too, and Remus leaned down to kiss him. "Remember two weeks ago, when you fell asleep on this chair the night after the full and I woke you up for dinner? I almost kissed you then."
Remus hummed against him and pulled back a fraction. "I remember. Then you held my hand all the way down to the Great Hall."
Sirius glanced down at their hands, and threaded their fingers together. "I'd quite like to hold your hand forever, if that's alright with you."
"You'll hear no complaints from me, cariad . "
