Hello everybody! I am so happy to join this 911: lone star community. I've been writing fanfictions for a long time but personal life is far much more important than writing as I had not enough time to do so.
For the record, I currently work on a farm and since Spring is coming soon, there is a lot to do there. Hence why I barely have time to write.
I've been watching 911: lone star for a while now. The first and second seasons are out in my country but the third is still not really here so I had to find a way to get these episodes from season 3 and I have to say; this is season seems dark and full of surprises according to the first nine episodes.
But what I realized was that they still don't really focus on Carlos and how he's coping with what happened in his relationship and his family, with the firehouse 126 and all that stuff. It feels like he's keeping everything to himself and acts, as we say in France, like a pressure cooker: it still builds up little by little and dangerously until it is released all at once without any warning. He says he's fine when clearly, he's not.
Firefighters are able to compartmentalize everything happening during a call but I guess police officers are not that effective when it comes to facing something difficult. I mean, not THAT much.
This is why it occurred to me to create a story in which Carlos finally releases the pressure he has been putting on himself all this time. I can't tell you more about it, I think you can understand, but if you are curious about it, I invite you to read this one-shot story. Maybe they'll be more as the season progresses, I don't know yet.
I can just tell you that it takes place after episode 9 of season 3.
DISCLAIMERS: I do not own any of the characters involved in this story.
Chill Chili night
Carlos had had a particularly trying day, one from which he would have difficulty fully recovering before the next day and the return to work. He had miraculously survived the trip home despite his extreme fatigue. Seeing him staggering past the front door, his boyfriend ordered him to go to the bedroom and rest. The policeman had neither the heart nor the strength to resist him and just obeyed him, covering the few meters which separated him from the bed almost in zombie mode. TK accompanied him for a while until he was sure that his man had fallen asleep. He wondered why he had come home in such a state of fatigue but couldn't find the courage.
Since he wasn't on shift today, the paramedic was able to take care of the house, cleaning the floors and running a few errands to fill the refrigerator. He found himself smiling as he got out of bed, when he could hear his other half snoring very lightly. It was something he could listen to all day if he had to. It wasn't very loud, it didn't wake him up in the middle of the night with the urgent need to hit him with a pillow to shut him up, quite the opposite. It was a sound that soothed him. After a last look at Carlos, he left, closing the sliding doors separating the bedroom and the living space.
An idea crossed his mind: usually, it was the policeman who did the cooking at home. He wasn't really good at it, but he could at least do the minimum. He frowned and took his phone in hand to dial a number, one of those he had learned by heart. He walked as far away from the bedroom as possible while the phone rang three times before the person on the other end answered.
"Hello?"
"Mrs. Reyes? It's TK."
"TK! I am happy to hear you! How are you?"
"Good, I am good. Hum... I, uh... I might need some help", he confessed in a faint voice.
"Everything's okay, mi niño?"
Since Carlos and TK had reconciled for good, Andrea considered TK as a second son and talked to him as such.
"Something happened to Carlos?"
"No, not at all, I promise", he answered very quickly, "I mean, I think so. Let's just say that... Uh... He just got home and his day has seemed pretty rough. I forced him to go to bed and rest a bit before dinner, he's exhausted. And... Uh..."
"You want to shake him up?"
"I am not very skilled when it comes to food but I was wondering if you had anything to cheer him up or... Shake him up, as you say."
"Say no more, TK. I know exactly what to do. Can you wait a few moments?"
"Uh... Yes, I can, of course", he confirmed, confused.
"I am on your doorstep in half an hour."
He didn't have time to say another word she had already hung up. Surprised and intrigued, he made room on the counter and prepared what he knew best: iced tea. He first boiled water in a pot, then added the tea bags before removing the pot from the heat and letting it steep for fifteen minutes. As he removed the tea bags, without crushing them to avoid adding bitterness, there was a knock at the door.
He knew it was Carlos's mother because although they had a doorbell, she hadn't used it, probably so as not to wake her son who was sleeping peacefully. He wiped his hands with a cloth and walked to the front door to open it for her.
"Mrs. Reyes."
"I already told you to call me Andrea, didn't I?" she tossed in an amused tone.
"Sorry, I'll try", he assured, kissing her cheek cordially. "You didn't have to come by."
He offered to take the coat off his guest, which she gladly accepted.
"When my son is not at his best, I am always there. How's my Carlitos?"
TK sighed lightly, turning his head toward the bedroom door.
"Deeply asleep, I hope", he said in a whisper as not to wake him up. "I don't know how he got home in his condition without crashing on the road. It was like he was running on automatic."
There was a slight silence before he continued.
"I've never seen him this exhausted", he confessed.
"It can happen from time to time, after a big stress."
"A big stress?" he repeated, doubtful.
Both sat down on the sofa, one beside the other. Andrea tried to explain.
"My son can let nothing appear, including with you I suppose. He has a strong tendency to internalize everything and keep it all inside. And after a while..."
"Everything loosens up", he said slowly. "Yes, I've seen him do that before. But I thought he could release the pressure with me."
"It takes time to realize that he can confide in you, TK. These past few months have been particularly tough on both you and him. He's had to deal with your breakup and it has broken his heart. You know what he said to me when you were lying in that hospital bed a few months ago, fighting for your life?"
TK shook his head negatively.
"I asked him to talk to you, to... Bring you back to the world of the living. He told me that if he did that, it would not be nice. He was very angry."
"Yes, I know."
He took a deep breath and explained.
"When I was in a coma, I heard everything. His anger, his fear. His sadness. I reacted like an asshole because of a simple formality."
"TK, you're not... An asshole", she copied his words. "But your reaction obviously upset him. He even didn't tell his parents because he didn't want to hurt us. And then it all happened. Between the house burning down, your separation. Your mother."
"The plane crash", he added, thinking back to Carlos' reaction to seeing him safe on the tarmac.
"That too, yes. He kept everything to himself and today..."
"Something triggered him and it was the last straw", TK finished her sentence.
Andrea nodded slightly, tightening more the hand of her son-in-law. This one sighed of despair.
"And I have not seen anything until today."
"Mi niño, do not blame yourself for not seeing anything. We didn't see it either the first time he imploded. Since he revealed his attraction to men, we never really talked about it with him and... I think he thought it was best to keep it to himself so as not to shock us. Gabriel and I didn't support him in the best way and now we regret it. We are his parents and we will remain so for the rest of his life, but today you are the most important thing in his life. It is to you that he must confide."
"And it is up to me to find the solution."
"Unfortunately, I can't help you with this. We haven't succeeded so far, but I feel that with you, he will feel freer to talk about his feelings. He has to."
She patted his hand while giving him a look of compassion and love. He smiled slightly, nodding weakly as he thought about the heavy task ahead. He knew that Carlos would not let it go and that he would probably shut down if he brought up the subject, but he was willing to do anything to free him of his burden.
"I will give you a way to know whether he's okay or not. Or if he's close to imploding. I noticed this a long time ago, and it takes his mind off things."
She didn't say anything more, but she got up from the couch and carried a bag into the kitchen, followed quickly by a questioned TK. She took out various products and placed them on the work surface, to the doubtful look of her son-in-law. Looking closely at the ingredients, he understood immediately.
"Chili?"
"Three years of relationship and you still haven't noticed? When he's brooding or not feeling good, he always cooks a good chili con carne."
He smiled, thinking back to all the times he had done that. Whenever he was stressed, whenever he had a hard time, Carlos would make chili.
"I never paid attention until now."
"Now that you know, I'll give you the recipe, so you can make him one when he's not okay, alright?"
"Thanks, Mrs. Re..."
He didn't finish his sentence when he saw that his mother-in-law had turned to him, one eyebrow raised as if he had made a big mistake and she didn't want to tell him.
"Sorry. Andrea", he corrected.
She laughed lightly before getting back to work.
"What can I do to help you?"
"Well, we're missing a crucial step in the recipe because we have to do this at the last minute but normally, we dip the red beans in cold water the day before. But we'll go with that. Can you put the beans in a large pot of salted water and bring it to a boil?"
"Sure thing."
While he prepared the pan, Andrea worked on adding salt and pepper to the minced meat. She then prepared another pan and added olive oil before placing the meat in it once the oil was hot. Asking TK to watch the meat as well while she continued to prepare the vegetables, she began to chop the onions and cut the sweet pepper into very thin strips. She was quick and dexterous enough to make him pale. She then removed the skin from one tomato and crushed it into large pieces. Satisfied with her son-in-law's work with the meat, she added the onions and sweet pepper, stirring for three to four minutes. She then added the crushed tomato, the garlic cloves she had crushed earlier, some cumin, and a bay leaf while TK drained the red beans after thirty minutes in boiling water and poured them into the bigger pot. The smell was intoxicating, an olfactory paradise he hadn't reached in a long time.
"It smells really good", he confided.
"And it tastes really good as well", she assured as she added water to the level of the beans.
She didn't forget the big spoonful of tomato paste as well as Cayenne pepper and chili pepper before mixing everything gently and putting a lid on it.
"All you have to do now is wait a good hour and a half for it to simmer and you can wake up my beautiful boy."
Seeing that she was putting her coat back on, TK frowned.
"Aren't you staying?"
"This evening is here for you and only you two. You need to find the miracle recipe to loosen your tongues and especially my son's. And I can't interfere in this relationship."
She kissed her son-in-law, who escorted her to the door.
"Take care of my Carlitos, honey."
"That's what I'm going to do. And, uh... Thanks. For the chili."
"Oh yeah, I forgot something."
She took a paper out of her coat pocket and handed it to him. As he read what was on it, he understood. It was the ingredients of the recipe and its preparation.
"Gracias", he said, raising his head.
"De nada, mi niños."
She left, TK taking great care to see her getting in her car before returning home, locking the door. He looked at the time on his phone: 7:30 pm. He sighed and as he watched the chili simmer, he decided to join his man in the bedroom. Setting his alarm for 9:00 pm, he opened the sliding doors and closed them immediately after him, watching Carlos carefully. He hadn't moved an inch and was still snoring faintly, a sign that he was sleeping soundly. He smiled and moved forward, removing his shoes before lying down behind his man. He put his arm around his waist and Carlos began to move slightly. TK's movements were not enough to wake him up but important enough that he unconsciously took his hand in his, like a child who needed his Teddy Bear to feel more secure. He passed his valid hand in his hair, applying a tender kiss to his neck before falling asleep in his turn. He was only awakened by the alarm on his phone, as was Carlos.
"Babe? What's going on? What time is it?" he asked, obviously still asleep.
"It's nothing, baby. It's nine o'clock."
"In the morning?!"
This time, Carlos was in the middle of a panic moment. He was already getting up furiously when TK came up to him and hugged him to calm him down.
"Calm down, Babe, calm down, it's nine o'clock in the evening. Sorry if I frightened you."
Reassured, he relaxed in the arms of his man and smelled his perfume. But...
"What's that smell?" he said, sniffing several times.
TK opened his mouth but said nothing for a moment.
"It's a surprise", he assured, taking Carlos' hand, "Come."
Together they walked out of the room, the smell getting stronger and warmer.
"Is that... Didn't you do that", he asked when he saw the contents of the pot.
"I didn't do that", TK confirmed. "When you came home earlier, completely exhausted, I didn't know what to do to help you. I was a little lost. So I called your mother."
Carlos' face tensed for a moment.
"She didn't hesitate for a second to come here and... And prepare a chili con carne like you like when you're not in a good mood."
"Ah... You noticed then."
"What? That when you're not feeling like it, you cook Chili?", he asked, laughing a bit. "To tell you the truth, it never occurred to me, it was... Andrea explained it to me. So she made me promise to cook you her chili recipe if I saw you on a bad day."
Seeing Carlos' doubtful look, which was justified since he had never been a good cook, TK continued.
"She gave me her recipe."
"She gave you THE family recipe for chili? She never gave it to me."
"I convinced her, apparently. Come on, let's see if it's good."
He took two plates and removed the pot from the fire while Carlos prepared the counter next to it. « So, tell me what you think. »
He took a bite and put it in his mouth. It was an explosion of flavor.
"Mh."
He closed his eyes, chewing as many times as he could before going and running his hand over his mouth.
"This is the best chili I've ever had", he admitted.
Tk smiled, also taking a bite and savoring the moment.
"Oh my God, you're so right."
There was a silence, as one bite followed another. It probably wasn't the right time, but there was never a good time to talk about things that upset people. TK stopped eating first, taking a deep breath to build up his courage.
"Baby, talk to me. Please. Tell me what's wrong ", TK finally let go. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"
Carlos stopped eating, resting his fork on the edge of his plate before spreading it slightly.
"Everything has gone so fast these past few months. I... I didn't realize how much I'd been holding it all in and... My last investigation was pretty hectic and... And I broke down", he admitted, bowing his head in shame.
"Carlos, look at me", he said, putting his hand under his chin to raise his half's head.
Once eye contact was made, TK could see tears ready to flow down his cheeks. It broke his heart.
"What happened tonight?"
Carlos swallowed his saliva several times before deciding to speak.
"I've been investigating a series of abductions for several days now. The investigation is ongoing so I can't really tell you anything but... Tonight, while following a lead, we discovered videos of the victims. It wasn't pretty. It really wasn't pretty."
"Baby..."
TK couldn't hesitate a single second longer to hug his boyfriend, stroking his hair and kissing his cheek tenderly. He could feel Carlos crying on his shoulder as let it all out. He needed it.
"I'm here, Carlos. I'm here", he whispered into his ear.
His embrace tightened, the policeman's grip was much more impressive than his own.
"I'm sorry", he could hear from the policeman's mouth.
"You don't have to apologize, baby. You're allowed to let off steam, you know that. That's what the house is for. That's what I'm here for", he explained, emphasizing the I.
"Speaking of confession", he quickly resumed as he cleared his throat, straightening up and wiping away his tears.
"Will you... Will you ever tell me how it all started? I mean, about..."
"About my addiction?"
As much as Carlos hated that word, it was the strict truth.
"You told me you had a relapse after a nuclear-bad breakup but we never really talked about it."
"You do have the right to know, indeed."
"If you don't want to talk about it, I totally understand."
"No, it's okay. We should open up more often and talk about our darkest moments. That's what you just did and... And now it's my turn."
He took a deep breath and began.
"When I first joined high school and wanted to join the football team..."
"The football team?" gasped Carlos. "With your chicken-shit body-build?" he joked as he pictured his love as a toothpick in the middle of the sharks.
"I know, I know, this was a really, really bad idea. I ended up breaking my wrist and a few ribs during the trials. Nothing alarming, the fracture was clean and not displaced. But I was having a lot of trouble with the pain, so the doctor prescribed painkillers. Opioids."
"I see. You got hooked pretty quickly, didn't you?"
"Exactly. When I didn't get my dose, it hurt all over, when in fact it didn't. It was... The drug talking. My mom, well... She figured out what was going on and sent me to rehab. I finished high school and... Right after I graduated, I enrolled in the Fire Academy in New York. I did it primarily because I wanted to be closer to my father. When my parents divorced after 9/11, my father was no longer at home. I thought that becoming a firefighter would change everything and that I would understand."
He grinned, taking his pendant in hand.
"When you end up top of your class, you get to choose the firehouse of your choice as your assignment. It's kind of a tradition in New York. And I was given an assignment to the 252."
"Your father's firehouse."
"It was quite a shock for him to see me unpacking in his firehouse", he said with a smile. "But we found a way to communicate, to reconnect while remaining professional. We were finally together and had found a balance between personal and professional life."
He took a sip of iced tea and resumed his explanations.
"I then experienced a bad situation in love and the only way I found to calm this suffering was not very... Well, not very conventional, I must say."
"You relapsed to destroy the pain you were feeling", Carlos understood.
"Yeah. A really bad idea, huh? But it was effective. And the downward spiral began. Stronger and stronger stuff when I wasn't on call. If I was on call, I would take small doses of alcohol to hide the withdrawal symptoms and continue this cycle indefinitely. Except for one day: my mom found me in a drug house, completely high. She took me across the country to the best rehab facility. She told my dad about it, and he preferred to tell my co-workers that I had been injured and that I needed at least a month to recover and get back to full duty work."
He took another deep breath, drank a few sips while Carlos waited patiently for the rest of the story, attentive to every word and gesture of his other half. He could see him kneading his fingers, not really looking him in the eyes, as if to avoid the pain that implied. His courage to talk about those traumatic moments inspired him even more.
"When I came back to the firehouse, I explained that I had broken my wrist and I had spent time with my mom. It wasn't a lie considering that... I mean, that just wasn't the reason I left. The first call I got back was to a car accident on the Brooklyn Bridge. That's where I met Alex. We became friends, and... We got together quickly, everything was working and I had finally found a way to... To make up for the difficulties of working with someone rather than with drugs."
Still hungry, TK took another bite of chili and took the time to chew and swallow before continuing.
"One day, I finally decided to take the plunge. I bought a beautiful ring, made reservations at a wonderful restaurant, and... I asked him to marry me. And... Uh..."
"He said no", Carlos said after a long silence.
TK nodded, frowning and swallowing. It was definitely one of the worst moments of his life that he could remember and one of the only times he had ever talked about it with anyone.
"Said he was in love with some other guy. He left me here, me down on one knee. I was humiliated. I didn't know... I... I had lost what kept me going without substances and suddenly, with the snap of a finger, it was all over. You know? And being in New York, it's relatively easy to get drugs. I bought the cheapest and easiest opioid to find and... The next thing I remember is my father's face right above me, surrounded by the firehouse paramedics I was working with. The pain in my chest telling me that he had resuscitated me because I had overdosed and my heart had stopped. The rest, well... You know the rest of the story. I came here in Austin and..."
Carlos nodded, finally getting the reason why his man was having such a hard time dealing with his emotions but also his impulsive behavior. And suddenly it hit him like a sore thumb.
"I get it now. This is why you haven't appreciated our first date? What said to you that day?"
He frowned.
"When I told you it was a just dinner and not a proposal. That's why you shut down and left, isn't it?"
"Yeah. It was still too fresh and... I just couldn't cope. I'm sorry."
"Hey, Tiger, look at me."
Their eyes met, this time it was TK's turn to have tears ready to fall.
"Don't be sorry for something you can't control. You are here for me, I am here for you. We just... Need to confide in each other more rather than keep everything to ourselves."
"You're right. I think we need to talk more."
"We should do this more often, like once a week. A nice chili con carne to let us decompress and talk about what's wrong", Carlos expressed.
"And what should we call it? Chill Chili Night?"
"Chill Chili Night? Sounds good to me, I like it."
They kissed languidly, TK breaking their embrace despite everything.
"Your lips still taste like chili. It sparks on my tongue", he said laughing.
Very much in love and quickly, Carlos began to smile in a slightly Machiavellian way.
"I can spark something else if you want", he then tease as he got closer to TK.
The paramedic began to smile, bringing his lips closer to his beloved's.
"Please do."
Now stuck-tight and replenished, they kissed again, letting themselves guide without a glance towards the sofa, both ready to savor a night of pleasure.
A chili to untie the tongues, a sensual session as a dessert, they had found the recipe to forget what was eating them up inside.
