So long ago he'd held her close. She'd been his ally, his loyal friend, his wife...once. They'd had babies together. A girl, Jobjj, and a boy, Wayenk. A man needed anchors. Sadly, he had no idea where Asajj had gone, taking their children with her. Sometimes it felt as though she, Wayenk and Jobjj were remnants of his uncertainties. Relentlessly, the nightmares he regularly had lingered, never sure where one ended and another began.
Sounding incoherent, he muttered, "I gave Padme my word. Loyalty is not obsession. Keeping her son safe is my vow. I will keep my promise."
He sat up in his cramped uncomfortable bed, holding his head between unsteady hands. He gave a dark, tinny laugh, listening to its hollow echo within the cave. His dusty lodging was an abyss. He'd had a home once. Not this endless hole dug into the side of this gargantuan mountain. Ventress, he and their little ones had lived in a modest sandblasted two-room dwelling on the outskirts of the Dune Sea. Funny how he could never find it when he ventured out hunting its location whenever something volatile within him stirred.
You're always in my head and my heart, Asa. But it's not enough. Not nearly enough. Asa, why?
Obi-Wan lay back down, unraveling. His sore eyes really hurt, like they'd been sunburned. Tearing up, his eyes saw shadows of what had been, when Asajj and he had fought side-by-side later on during the Clone Wars, and then much later when she'd turned to bounty hunting, and he'd joined her. A vivid memory of her gripping her twin lightsabers glowed in his mind's eye as her severely slender form coalesced.
Obi-Wan...
Undeniably, it was she; no one spoke his name as Asajj did. Lovelier than ever... Her effect hit him hard. "My love," he whispered, swallowing his steady flow of tears, "how I miss you. Needing you is my true obsession..." Heaving a heavy sigh, Obi-Wan actually smiled. Something he hadn't done for too long a time. Even while surreptitiously watching young Luke play with the skyhoppers and other miscellaneous toys Obi-Wan would sneak to Luke, smiles never graced Kenobi's careworn face.
Dooku's ex-apprentice, a former assassin and talented bounty hunter puckered her petite mouth. Her succulent lips mesmerized Obi-Wan. The thought of kissing her breathless rendered him boneless. "What are you doing?" she demanded.
Agonized, he choked out, "Missing you. Didn't you hear me? We belong together, Asa. Never to part."
"I died."
Obi-Wan faltered only for a moment. "Now when I need you the most, you deny me."
Her haunting voice filtered in and out, sterner this time. What she said hit him like a Force punch. "Your feelings mislead you. Obi-Wan. Every fiery caress, scorching kiss, torrid intimacy. Our marriage. Our beloved children given away to protect them from the galaxy's evil. All of it ended the day I brought Quinlan back to the Light, defeated Dooku and you and he laid me to rest on Dathomir. The part of me that lives in you listen and listen well. Cease wallowing in the past. Move on. Prepare for what's to come. Embrace your destiny."
Obi-Wan barked, "Without you it's not the same. I want it to be the same with you, Asa. With our younglings." Shaken to the core, Obi-Wan shivered and stuttered, "I want more than just you blowing my brain. I need you physically back with me!"
The laughter he cherished reverberated in the cave. "What you want is impossible. You know that, my love. Stop torturing yourself. If not for yourself, do it for me."
He said her name reverentially as it trickled from his mouth. "Asajj. Anything for you."
Ventress urgently urged, "Obi, don't get lost in the madness."
Pressing his fists into his eye sockets, he murmured, "I suppose it's no surprise to you that it's a constant battle. Fighting to keep my sanity. Qui-Gon never answers me. If it weren't for your imprint, I fear I would've gone completely mad long ago. "
"Don't let go, darling. You're nothing if not irresistibly stubborn. And, as you know that I know. Loyal to a fault."
Shivering as he chuckled, Obi-Wan nodded. "I wish we were back in that seedy club on Coruscant, Asa, where you used to sing. I remember that particular night you sang your heart out when you noticed I was in the audience hanging on your every note. It's such a comfort hearing your beautiful voice in my head when I'm slicing meat in the open-air plant."
Much to his delight he heard her hum a bit and then ask, "Why meat processing?"
"I like working with my hands. And moisture farming is dirty, tiring work."
"I wish I hadn't died."
"You and me both, Asa. And you said we'd never be partners."
"Did I?"
Snorting, Obi-Wan confirmed, with a shout, "You most certainly did!"
"What I said was we'd never be lovers."
"Wrong again!" Obi-Wan rejoiced, gloating and suddenly reliving many of their intense sexual sessions.
"Get some rest. You've had a busy day. That youngling will be the death of you. Flitting around in the desert like a Toydarian on spice."
"You know I can't when I'm like this with you heavily on my mind."
"Stop obsessing. Or I'll diddle your Midi-chlorians."
"Promises, promises. You make diddling the Midis fun."
"All right this is enough communing for one night."
"No, don't stop." Obi-Wan put every ounce of begging into his plea.
Gently, she promised, "I won't, dearest. But for now, relax your mind and sleep. Just close your eyes."
"Don't leave."
"Not before you fall asleep."
"Sing me a lullaby. I'll fall asleep faster." He lay back, closing his eyes.
"All this aloneness has made you incredibly needy." Eager to assuage him, his inner-Ventress indulged him. "Sweet dreams, Obi."
"Oh, they are when I dream only of you."
She sang and her voice wended its mysterious way through the varied cockles of Obi-Wan's receptive mind.
It wasn't long before Obi-Wan went limp. The cloying smell of meat lost its annoying strength. Like a delightful breeze Asajj's essence sated him. Despair and loneliness subsided. Pleasure slithered throughout his body as he fused with the Force.
They need you, Obi-Wan...both of them...
"Qui-Gon," he murmured, catatonic, as composure seeped into him. The faint beating of his heart grew stronger. "Master..."
A dyad in the Force...
"Yes, Master. I understand. And will obey. I'll protect them both."
