Title: Odd Cravings
Summary: When Harry asks to go back in time, Death stipulates that he has no influence over bringing life – Harry has to come into the world the way everyone does.
"Ow," James wheezes, hand coming up to his stomach. "Did someone just sucker punch me in the kidney? What was that?"
[tl;dr Death goes full Zeus and the Marauders are pretty sure James is being possessed by a demon]
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Harry stands inside a train with a deformed child in his arms, wrapped in his jacket. "Can I go back? I didn't – I could have done more, saved more people."
"Possible," muses the shifting figure, like heat waves off a road, not quite there but with too sharp edges. A smile. "Any preferences?"
"Before…my parents die," Harry muses. "Before me? Can I do that?"
"Possible," the figure repeats. "However, I hold no jurisdiction over the living. I cannot create what has not been created. You must come into the world as all do."
Harry frowns a bit. "Okay, I suppose if I'm old enough to hold a wand by the time my parents get attacked then I don't mind."
The figure hums. "Find a seat, this will be a long ride."
James jerks up halfway into a sit up where he's lying on Sirius' bed and then flops back down with a pained groan, messy black hair smushed back into the pillow and nose crinkling hard enough that his glasses push up. "Ow," James wheezes, hand coming up to his stomach. "Did someone just sucker punch me in the kidney? What was that?"
Sirius looks over from where he's lying beside James, book propped up on his chest and long black hair spilling over the pillow right next to James. He smirks, grey eyes lighting up like a storm as he laughs. "Wow, a long-ranged hex? Is that a thing?"
Remus frowns a bit where he's sitting at the end of the bed and the scar down his chin pulls slightly. He puts aside the notes he was revising and pulls his wand out from short, wheat-coloured hair tucked behind his ear. He rolls up onto his knees, lanky body shuffling down in the small space available between the two. "Show me where."
"It's fine, it was just for a moment," James says but pulls his jumper up anyway and points at the spot, basically right below his navel where faint lines of a six pack is developing on his sun kissed skin. He peers up at Remus with large brown eyes, waiting for a compliment on his abs.
Remus tries a diagnostic spell and hums. "Doesn't say you're injured."
"It's probably because you ate too much treacle tart," Sirius says wisely, reaching over with a pale hand and caressing James' bare stomach as creepily as he possibly can.
James slaps Sirius' hand away and shoves his jumper back down. "At least my liver isn't shot to hell, and I won't mention the STD-"
"It's not a bloody STD, you dumb deer-"
Moony whimpers, muscles still jerking strangely under his skin. James shushes the werewolf, softly petting the heavy head resting on his thighs while Padfoot licks Moony's flank.
Moony huffs, shivers and slowly starts to uncurl his tense limbs. Padfoot nods at James to shift already. They don't tell Remus but Moony seems to feel better if someone holds him while he transforms and they can't do that without staying human – Remus would have an absolute fit if he knew they were hanging around Moony like this.
James gently eases Moony's head off his thighs and the werewolf growls, low and deep so it rumbles through him, eyes focusing on James.
"Aww, you miss Prongs too much?" James jokes, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Moony's forehead with an exaggerated mwah~.
James shudders open, bigger as he shifts, feels the weight of his antlers – and then slams right back into human with the wind knocked out of him. Padfoot barks, tense while Moony rises up onto all fours, already taller than James sitting on the ground, back arched and teeth bared.
"It's fine," James laughs, leaning back.
He tries again, falls sideways onto human hands. Again and the room spins around him as Moony leans in.
"I can't," James gasps. "I – Padfoot, I can't. I can't."
Padfoot barks and rams into Moony from the side just as the werewolf lunges. James scrambles up, staggering as his head pounds and his legs feel weak. Claws swipe across his back, yank him sideways until the material tears and James is free again.
There's snarling and a crash of something against the wooden walls of the shack as James crawls up the tunnel as fast as he can and then, instead of hitting the knot on the whomping willow and potentially letting Moony out, he scales the trunk and sits in the fork of the swaying branches – just out of reach though the branches whipping past half a meter away still try to knock him out.
James hisses as he reaches back through his ruined jumper and feels the blood dripping down his back. "Remus is going to be so upset."
"Why were you even still human?!" Remus snaps, pacing in angry circles around the empty classroom.
James hesitates, fidgeting with pushing up his glasses. "Moony feels better if he-"
"He will fucking eat you, you stupid little deer!" Remus screams and then stops abruptly, lips pursed. He lets out a heavy sigh and runs a hand down his face. "Sorry. Sorry, James."
"It's okay," James soothes, walking closer and pulling Remus into a hug. "I just – I don't know what went wrong. It's still not working."
Sirius is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, watching the other two. "Did you…lose the ability?"
"That can't happen," James scoffs, rubbing circles into Remus' back. "I mean…can it?"
"It's just what we know already," Remus says with a shrug, gesturing to the book he's reading, the three of them squished into a loveseat in a dark corner of the library. "There's a conscious reflex to not shift when you're injured, to prevent further damage."
"I'm not hurt though, and you can push through the reflex, I've done it before," James argues, angrily flipping through his book.
"It's that, or you're pregnant and your magic is stopping you from hurting the baby," Sirius sighs, tossing his book onto the floor where the rest of the pile sits.
"Maybe it's a curse," Remus offers.
"No one knows I'm an animagus – and if they did know we'd have bigger problems being unregistered." James flips back a page and holds up his book as he reads. "Ah-ha! People have been known to lose the ability to shift for self-defence purposes like to prevent injury or in cases of pregnancy – oh fuck right off."
"-ames? Jamie!"
James jerks in shock, head whipping around to stare up at Sirius, who's kneeling on the ground beside him. James is sitting back on his calves in front of his open trunk at the foot of his bed, in pajamas and even without his glasses so the rest of the room is a mix of dark blurs.
"You good?" Sirius asks worriedly, hands still on James' shoulders. "You weren't answering."
"I don't sleepwalk," James muses. He looks into his trunk and nothing seems off so he closes it with a shrug. "Dunno, I feel fine."
Sirius doesn't look reassured. "Sleep with me, yeah? If you start walking off I'll gladly slap you."
"You're a real friend," James deadpans but does get up and climb into Sirius' bed with him, pulling the curtains closed. "I'm the big spoon."
"It's my bed, I'm the big spoon."
"Fine, I guess I'll just sleep with Remus instead."
"Shut up!" snaps another Gryffindor boy from further down the room.
"Throw up a silencing charm, genius," Sirius retorts sharply and drags James down into the covers. "Fucking loser."
James giggles as they settle in, pushing back so they're plastered together. "Can't believe no one's pushed you off the moving stairs yet."
"No one's got the balls," Sirius scoffs and nips at James' neck to make him stop shuffling around.
"Gah-! I hate that."
"Don't make me do it then."
James grunts and rubs his face into the pillow before settling. He closes his eyes and fights the urge to move a bit more because Sirius will actually bite his neck like a dog and the Prongs in the back of James' mind hates that.
A long moment later, when he thinks Sirius is sleepy enough, James shifts just a bit to roll backwards into Sirius. Curls up more. Straightens out. Shoves a hand under his top to scratch his stomach and feels wetness. James opens the curtains with his other hand and holds out the one that's a bit wet, squinting at it in the moonlight through the windows. It's dark.
"Why does Padfoot smell blood?" Sirius mutters.
"I think my stomach is bleeding," James muses.
Sirius pats around and grabs his wand off the side table before throwing up a light that splashes against the inside of the curtains. They both squeeze their eyes shut for a moment so they don't get blinded and then James shoves up his pyjama top. There's a tiny smear of blood, mostly soaked up by his clothes.
"Oh cry me a river," Sirius scoffs and vanishes the blood, revealing a small triangle carved into James' lower stomach just under his navel. "And…how, exactly, did you do that to yourself?"
"Not bad," James muses, head raised awkwardly to see better. "Clean lines, looks like a perfect equilateral. Even sleepwalking me is a champion."
"Sleepwalking you needs a better hobby," Sirius retorts and mutters a quick healing spell. Nothing happens. He tries a stronger one. Nothing happens.
"Whatever, I'll use dittany in the morning," James shrugs.
"This doesn't concern you?" Sirius asks slowly.
"I've done weirder stuff to myself awake."
"I'm getting Remi," Sirius declares and rolls out of bed.
"No, don't bother Remi," James complains. "Siri, really, he only just calmed down."
Five minutes later, Remus stands over the bed, staring at the scar that doesn't heal with dittany. Even werewolf saliva-covered bites heal with dittany.
"Sorry, Remus," James tries with doe-eyes on max, sitting up against the headboard with his top off for better viewing.
"It's not your fault," Remus sighs. "No, I take that back – it's entirely your fault but that's fine too."
"Might be a curse," Sirius says, sitting cross-legged beside James. He shuffles vials around in the emergency first-aid kit they've collected for full moons. "Skin regrowth potion?"
"Try only a few drops," Remus muses. "If it is a curse the side-effects are whack."
"We can just put a band-aid on it and go to sleep, it's not bleeding anymore," James offers, turning away from the dropper. "No, I don't need bloody skin regrowth."
"Don't make me hold you down," Sirius tsks.
"I can take you," James scoffs. "Come here, big boy."
Two minutes later James takes the stupid drops stupid Sirius feeds him while stupid Remus hums and pokes the stupid unhealable triangle on his stomach.
"Grab the cloak," Remus sighs. "Let's go to the library."
James groans but slides off the bed and dramatically crawls around Remus to his trunk where he searches around a bit. "Is it in one of yours?"
"Did you lose it again?" Sirius gets off the bed and heads to his trunk.
"Well it is invisible," James mutters.
"It was in mine yesterday after we went for the kitchen run, then I put it in yours," Remus tells James.
"Not in mine," Sirius declares after dumping out half his shit onto the floor. "Just take the map and we'll go down, the cloak will turn up like it always does when we lose it."
The black mark doesn't heal but doesn't seem to be open either – it looks like it was carved in and there's still a divot that you can feel in the skin but the line is thin and the triangle is small enough that it's not really noticeable.
"Just call it a tattoo and be done with it," James groans, cheek pressed to the library table. "We've been at this for weeks. There's nothing on triangles."
"There's too much on triangles and not enough on your triangle," Sirius retorts. "Why am I reading arithmancy, I don't even take this class. Remus, swap with me."
"I'm reading history," Remus warns.
"Aaaand I'll keep my numbers, that's fine."
"Let's stop," James whines into the stack of books beside his head.
Sirius slams his book down onto the table. "Jamie, if you act like a bitch, I'm going to treat you like one. Stop complaining all the fucking time."
James stares into the spines of the books and purses his lips, feels his eyes start to burn like he's going to cry, which is ridiculous because he doesn't cry when he gets upset so he doesn't know what this is about. "What. What have I been complaining about? Sitting in the library doing nothing for two weeks?!"
Sirius groans, falling back into his armchair. "Are we doing this again?"
"Yes," James snaps, surging up. "Yes, we fucking are. I'm so sorry I'm mildly inconveniencing you by being fucking exhausted all the time."
"Yeah, you used that excuse when Hufflepuff fucked us up the ass during quidditch on Wednesday," Sirius scoffs.
"No, that was because I was throwing up in the locker room every time we took a timeout!" James sneers. "And I missed Moony again this month as well, and I-"
"You were throwing up?" Sirius blurts out in shock, leaning forward in concern. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I did, you son of a bitch!" James screams and people are looking at them even with the muffling charm. "You told me to man up and be a proper captain!"
"You said you were feeling tired! That's pretty bloody different from throwing up!"
James hurls the entire stack of books at Sirius and stands so fast his armchair almost tips over. His lower lips wobbles and he's tearing up and this is so dumb, he should just punch Sirius in the face instead of cry.
James storms around the table, yanks his hand away when Remus reaches for him and breaks into a run when he has a clear path to the library doors.
James shoves himself into the little wall divot behind the pedestal of a bust that James had to silence because it kept trying to talk to him. Like he appreciates the attempt, but he really just wants to mope right now, not actually fix his problems.
The corner is unplottable on the map for a reason they've never figured out, but that comes with its own problems because there's only a few places that don't show up on the map and so it still doesn't take that long until Remus and Sirius find him.
Remus kneels down and sits back on his calves beside the pedestal so he can see James curled up into a little ball with his knees to his chest. "Can we talk?"
James hits him with a silencer so Remus just shuffles over until his back is against the wall, sitting cross-legged with one shoulder jutting out and hiding James even further.
Sirius leans against the opposite wall, arms crossed and looking over at a painting of swaying bamboo. Sirius doesn't apologise – not genuinely. That's not how he works.
"Oh, what's that?" James mutters snidely. "Not the sound of an apology, that's for sure. Sirius Black, what a man, such a brave Gryffindor."
Sirius' jaw clenches. "Are you still feeling sick?"
James laughs, high-pitched and too sharp. "Too late, motherfucker, you can piss off."
"Let's just-"
James hits him with a silencing charm. "I'm going to sit right here and feel like shit while I contemplate casting half a dozen cheering charms on myself just so I stop feeling at all. I don't give a fuck what you do."
Sirius storms off around the corner.
Five minutes later Padfoot slinks back with wide puppy-dog eyes and his tail between his legs. Padfoot stops at the little gap and ducks his head, peers up at James sadly.
"Coward," James spits.
Padfoot shoves his large head into the gap and rests his chin on James' feet. Lies the rest of his body down, still with big, watery eyes. His throat moves like he's whimpering behind the silencing charm.
They sit there in silence for half an hour before James breaks because wow, they really know how to guilt trip him, don't they?
"Fine," James mutters. "Whatever, I'm not mad."
"Do you think we can go to the hospital wing?" Remus asks quietly because the silencing charm already wore off.
"No," James huffs. "Physically and spiritually impossible."
"Even if I give you a piggy-back ride?" Remus coaxes.
"I'm too t – I don't want to."
"Tired?" Remus finishes, half turning so he can see James. "You can say it. If Sirius talks shit, I'll throw him out of a window with my werewolf strength, okay?"
"Okay," James grumbles.
"A piggy-back ride and Sirius can bring you some ice-cream?" Remus continues. "And we can cuddle tonight?"
James smiles even though he tries not to. "Damn it. Yes, alright."
It's dinner time so they do pass people on the way over but it's not like James didn't once spend an entire day sitting Sirius' shoulders so really these people are overreacting. They come across Lily at an intersection and James offers up a salute.
Lily scowls at him. "Remus is sick every other week and you make him-"
"Lily," Sirius interrupts, human now and hanging a few steps back. "Shut the fuck up if it's none of your business."
"Now is not a good time," Remus offers up as they walk past.
"We're going to the hospital wing," James explains to try and smooth things over and turns so he can flash his best sunshine grin, the one Sirius says makes him look like a sweet summer prince.
Lily narrows her eyes and walks off.
James rests his chin on Remus' head and sighs. "That couldn't have gone any better."
"Nothing that I can see," Pomfrey admits as the last diagnostic charm comes back a nice sea water blue. "It seems the vomiting dehydrated you a bit and you're getting too skinny but other than that perfectly fine."
James shrugs. "I'm probably over it now."
"If you get the stomach bug come straight to me," Pomfrey warns them. "That kind of thing runs through this school like a tidal wave, I'd like to catch it early."
"Sure," Sirius says dismissively. "Hey, can you also check James' stomach, there's something on it."
James pulls up his jumper and points at the little triangle. "Showed up a couple weeks back, hasn't done anything."
Pomfrey pokes around it. "I'll grab some dittany."
"Tried that," Remus explains and ticks off everything they attempted (except potions that they technically shouldn't have without a medical licence, or all the spells Sirius tried that are very much from the Black library).
Pomfrey starts frowning. "Hm, alright leave it with me for a bit and I'll have a think. Come straight back if something happens."
"Gotcha," James says and as soon as they're outside he conjures a bucket to throw up into.
"Perfectly fine," Sirius repeats with a too sharp smile.
The next moon rolls around and James sits up in the willow with a blanket because they said he shouldn't come but he really misses Moony. He's been trying to shift to Prongs, constantly, but it never works. He can't even get it to stick for a second.
So James sits bundled up in his nest and nibbles on shortbread biscuits which is the only thing that doesn't make him feel nauseous. He watches the stars past the swaying branches of the whomping willow and idly traces the little triangle on his stomach with a free hand.
Eventually he nods off and Sirius wakes him up some time later when the sky is only just turning over with hints of baby blue on the horizon.
"Leave any for me?" Sirius jokes, crouched on a branch above, the tree frozen.
James pats around and holds out the very last biscuit. "Never say I don't love you."
"Aww, sunshine."
"Aww, starlight."
"That's cute but can we go now?" Remus drawls, bundled back up in clothes and looking particularly limp as he peers up at them from the ground.
Sirius comes out of the trance, sitting cross-legged in front of James who mirrors him, holding hands and with a candle made of a deep pink potion burning softly on the ground between.
"Anything?" Remus asks, sitting further off in the Room of Requirement.
Sirius spits out the yew twig. "It's draining – well, no, it's storing his magic into something else."
James spits out his own twig. "Where?"
"Uh, your stomach, right behind the triangle. It's two containers but they're not attached to anything so…either someone is coming back to pick it up or whatever they did to you has another purpose."
Remus frowns. "Could that be why he's so exhausted?"
"And being sick," James chimes in. "Because it's…in my stomach? So it's interfering with digestion?"
"Logical," Sirius admits. "Saw Pomfrey in the halls by the way, she doesn't know. Just says to go back if it acts up."
"She should be able to trace the magic, right?" Remus muses.
"If she can, she would have seen it the last time," Sirius drawls and blows out the candle before leaning further forward and giving James a peck on the nose. "Your magic is gorgeous."
"Maybe it only just started taking his magic," Remus argues.
"Remi, baby, I love your optimism and unwavering faith in the kindness of people's hearts – oh wait a second, are you even my Remus?!"
Remus rolls his eyes. "Fine, I'm just desperate."
James pulls their still connected hands towards him and kisses Sirius' knuckles. "Think we can overload it with magic?"
Sirius starts laughing.
"No," Remus sighs. "Guys, come on."
James trots down the corridor, smiling brightly at the several brave students still staggering around with symptoms of a stomach bug that hide the magical exhaustion.
He taps his wand to the wall where they marked it and a flap of stone opens up. James slides out the little black box, fills over the hole left and tucks the box into his full satchel before heading to the next.
His body moves before he realises what's happening and he swings around a corner, eyes locked onto Dumbledore's back as the man wanders down the hall, completely unaffected even though they regulated the drain to be dependant on remaining levels so Dumbledore just has so much magic that he can't even feel what was taken.
The wand.
James needs the wand.
How does he get the wand?
The death stick.
Just take it.
No, no.
Come on, James.
You can do better than that.
He pulls out the magical box he just took and transfigures it, moulding the outside casing to a perfect replica of something he's never seen before in his life but knows so intimately. He compresses the magic inside, filters it to mix the signatures enough it feels like raw magic, refines it so the magic jumps at his touch and the stiffness settles to the bottom.
James takes a step back, another, turns and runs. Dives straight through a portrait of water that ripples around him and sprints through the secret tunnel, climbs the jutting rock steps to pop out from under a suit of armour. He takes a quick left and jumps down the gap in the carpet instead of leaping over it.
James lands badly and staggers, arms pinwheeling and latching onto the closest thing, ripping Dumbledore's pocket open.
"Woah there!" Dumbledore cries in amusement, steadying James by grabbing his upper arms. "Where's the rush? Are you running from Minerva again?"
"Would I ever? Minnie loves me the best," James scoffs, dropping down and picking up a small bag of lemon drops, a letter probably about to be sent off and a wand before popping right back up. "Good job staying up by the way, considering how old you are."
"My, what a lovely backhanded compliment," Dumbledore muses, taking the items dumped into his hands and smiling even brighter when James transfigures the ripped pocket into a little stitched painting of a lighthouse looking over a nice port. "Oh, and Mr Potter?"
"Yeah?" James calls, turning so he can jog backwards.
"What are you doing with all that magic?"
James laughs. "Do you really wanna know?"
Dumbledore smiles, blue eyes twinkling. "Have a good day."
"Bye~!"
James sprints down three connected secret passages and bursts back out into an empty classroom. He pulls the wand out of his sleeve and pauses.
Bites down on the end and it crumbles like chalk in his mouth but drips down his throat like nectar. Tastes like nothing, like raw magic, like fresh snow.
