Chapter Two
After being abandoned in such a humiliating fashion, Amanda decided to call it a night. Cabs were lined up outside the embassy, so she was able to easily hail one and head home.
Ashamed of his abandonment of Amanda on the dance floor, Lee soon returned to find her, only to see her making a hasty retreat.
He knew he should go to her immediately and apologize. But he hadn't dreaded a conversation like this since… ever. So, he drove. For a while. And he contemplated not going to see her at all. He could imagine her expression when he delivered his news, and the thought of causing her pain… But he heard his uncle, the Colonel's voice: "Tough moments separate boys from men." And so, he headed to Arlington.
He arrived at Amanda's home an hour later, giving her time to put the boys to bed. Lee approached the window, and Amanda looked out to discover Lee sheepishly glancing through the window.
Despite what an unpleasant night it had been, he still looked as handsome and charming as ever… perhaps even more so. There was something so endearing about Lee when he wasn't perfectly polished—as he was now with his tuxedo tie undone and his hair tousled.
She opened the door and Lee immediately began speaking.
"Amanda I'm so glad you are ok-when I came back to get you-"
Amanda cut him off: "Lee It's late. And it has been a bad night."
Lee responded, "Amanda… wait…."
And Lee began to… ramble.
Amanda knew of her propensity for a good ramble. She even prided herself on her ability to shift dexterously in mid-thought when necessary to cover quite a range of thoughts in a short space of time. But Lee? Lee typically chose his words with precision; even when he would get angry, he would quickly blow his top and move on. Now, he seemed to be processing aloud—as Amanda herself did so often—and she realized, not for the first time this evening, that Lee was simply not himself tonight.
"… So because of my past—my parents … Eva… Dorothy… my fear of abandonment tends to destroy any shot I have at a meaningful relationship before it takes off. Dr. Pfaff said that I tend to self-sabotage meaningful relationships."
Amanda was staggered to know that A) Lee willingly visited Dr. Pfaff and B) Lee listened and even gave credence to what the psychiatrist had to say.
Still… she couldn't piece together what he was saying with the events of their dismal evening.
"Lee… I don't understand… what are you talking about?"
"Tonight… I know I was running cold and hot… and it is unfair to you. But I messed things up a few weeks ago, and rather than be open and discuss it with you maturely, tonight I thought I might just distance myself from you altogether. I never want to hurt you Amanda—and the thought that I might…"
"Lee, you are scaring me," Amanda quietly said.
"When we danced tonight… Amanda you have an intoxicating effect on me—surely you know that by now." Lee seemed bashful at the admission— a schoolboy finally admitting a crush.
Even amid the anxiety Amanda was feeling—her spirits lifted at this revelation. A part of her never believed he would admit that he had romantic feelings for her. And "intoxicating"? She beamed in spite of herself. Lee "Scarecrow" Stetson was intoxicated by Amanda King. Take that! the Randy-babies of the world!
But just as quickly as her spirits had lifted, they were dashed as she observed how his whole demeanor changed. He looked weary. Even broken. Lee's voice was now little more than a whisper: "Despite my feelings… I behaved inappropriately… and Francine insisted that I tell you the truth about what happened." And he looked her in the eyes and said, "And you know what? She is right."
Amanda replied, "Francine? Now you have really lost me." Anxiety, mixed with a dose of dread, began to envelop Amanda.
Lee swallowed and looked away.
"The night at the Fox Run Hotel. During the Marvelous Marvin case."
"The Marvelous Marvin case? What does a case about poisoned hamburgers have to do with anything?"
"You remember our first evening there undercover? I was really hoping to spend some special… alone time with you."
Amanda blushed at the memory; she remembered each moment very well. Lee flirtatiously insisted that he escort her to her room across the hall from his—he was charming and sexy at the same time—a potent mix.
"But as you will recall, Francine ruined that…" Oh, Amanda remembered. Who knows what might have happened between them if Francine hadn't popped up right as Amanda was inviting Lee in for "coffee"?
"I was very disappointed… and frankly… frustrated…if you know what I mean." Lee turned away, unable to make eye contact. "So I, I… lapsed into some old habits. I headed down to the bar."
A prickle of fear began to make its way down Amanda's spine.
"I had a few too many drinks… and became friendly with a convention attendee. A female attendee."
Amanda was finding it hard to breathe. "No…no Lee. Please stop." She had to make him stop speaking.
But Lee was plowing ahead with the story, certain if he stopped for a moment, he might never say it. "I left this woman at the bar… but she was persistent and followed me to my room."
"I don't need the sordid details, Lee. I get the picture." Amanda turned to go in the house, but Lee blocked the door.
"Amanda… we got carried away… but I swear I stopped things…before they went…too far." Amanda cringed at the euphemism. "But Francine, true to her word, knocked on my door at the crack of dawn, and this woman answered. Needless to say, Francine was disgusted by my behavior."
"Look, I know Francine has not always been your biggest fan…but she has observed that you and I are growing closer, and she insisted that if I ever planned to have a relationship with you, I must come clean. So Amanda, that is what I have done." Lee appeared exhausted, as though it had taken every ounce of strength he could summon to unload this confession.
Amanda felt as though she had experienced a physical blow. This lurid… interlude… had happened just a few doors down the hall from her at the hotel. It made her sick.
She felt so foolish that she thought Lee wanted her on that very evening.
Amanda felt unsteady on her feet.
Memories from the Marvelous Marvin case began to appear in a new light to her. She and Francine were trapped together in a freezer at one point, and Francine had bitterly remarked that Lee would not be "arriving on a white horse" to save them. Francine also cynically advised Amanda not "to count on anyone but herself because people leave." These comments now seemed weighted with greater meaning.
When she tried to speak, she barely recognized the lifeless, hoarse voice that emerged: "I need you to go, Lee."
Lee reached out to take her hand, but she immediately recoiled. Lee pleaded, "Please Amanda…please…you don't understand…the minute it happened I regretted it. And now as I've thought back, I realized I was doing just what the doctor would call 'self-sabotage.'" Lee admitted, "I was so mortified to tell you—I thought I would try to distance myself from you to avoid telling you the truth—but when I held you again tonight, that all went to hell. You know Amanda…what we have is…."
Amanda finished his sentence with the words that could wound him the most: "What we had Lee…is now over…even before it began."
They were both surprised by the venom attached to her words.
Lee was rendered speechless. Finally, he whispered. "No…."
Tears sprang to Amanda's eyes, and she helplessly began visualizing the events of that horrid night and this in turn prompted a full-fledged wave of nausea. How could she get him to leave? Well, if he wanted to stay in her mother's garden all night, so be it.
She moved past him, shut the door, and Lee watched her disappear into the house. A moment later, the downstairs lights were off.
He stood there—paralyzed. When he thought back to all of the exchanges they had shared in this very spot—he longed for even a moment—a second—of their easy, playful banter. And her babbling? What he would give for even a fragment of a single ramble at this moment. But his sweet, loving Amanda—and all her joyful, quirky wonder, had shut down.
To Be Continued...
