Despite her protestations - ranging from a pleading But Dean, she's a baby cow! to a pouty Cas would let me. - Dean left Charlie at the front door and headed in alone; she might be pissed at him for a bit, but - not that he cared about the cow or anything, of course - he didn't want to just spring an unexpected visitor on Cas and his new pal. Except… well… Cas wasn't there. Or, at least, he wasn't in his usual spot, working on the couch, and the telltale sound of rustling fabric was missing.

He let the screen door slam shut - it didn't just slip from his fingers because Cas is always home, where the hell is he; it was intentional - before shouting, "Cas, you here?"

From somewhere in the other room came a (not at all relieving), "No."

"Cas, we've covered this… You're obviously the one saying it. The second you say that, I know you're here." It took longer than it should have to occur to him, "Also, it's me. I already know about Samantha."

Cas appeared from the rough proximity of the cow's room, door closing softly behind him. "I thought lying is how you become president?"

"Lying well, Cas." And - why was this so hard to remember? - "I already know about the cow."

"I'm practicing."

"W-" Dean considered pushing the issue and promptly dropped the idea. "Okay, I give up." Which… might have been a tactical misstep because that meant he had nothing to say except the one thing he'd sorta, maybe, possibly been hoping he wouldn't have to address. "So. On the topic of our little secret… It's not… exactly a secret. Anymore."

Cas raised an eyebrow. (Dean did not swallow instinctively.) "Why not?"

"Charlie knows me too well?"

And, just like that, Cas relaxed again. "Oh, Charlie." He gave a shrug that somehow conveyed an eye roll without his eyes actually moving. "Charlie can know."

Well, good , but that brought up a different matter, and they really - like it or not (and Dean chose not fairly easily) - had to discuss it eventually. "Cas, how long do you think we can keep this up? We have friends. I've got Charlie; you've got your family." Cas didn't seem to register the point, so, "They know how to read us. You think Gabe or Balthazar ain't gonna take one look at you and know somethin's up? My dad might not notice, but other people are definitely gonna. And what do we do if- hell, not even if: when someone else finds out? We just, what, trust that they'll keep it quiet?"

Cas still looked unimpressed. "Anyone close enough to figure out about Samantha won't tell. If you have to tell someone, fine. Stop worrying."

Easier said than done, Cas… But it was his choice, so, "If you're sure."

Cas nodded. "I'm sure, Dean."

It took a few seconds for Dean to remember why he'd gone in alone and break eye contact, gesturing towards the door. "Charlie's… Well, she's outside. She wants to visit, but I said I'd check with you." He shrugged. "I'd warn you that she's already a bit obsessed and-"

Cas didn't hesitate before walking over to the door and opening it, stepping back to avoid a blur of red as Charlie practically bolted inside, grinning (somewhat manically, in Dean's opinion). She flashed a few seconds of glare at Dean - his penance for leaving her outside, he assumed, though he never could really tell with her - and then followed Cas as he walked towards Samantha's room. Dean tagged along (completely reluctantly) about five paces behind them.

By the time he actually reached the doorway, Charlie and Cas were both inside the room, crouching - and no, Dean didn't cringe at the thought of what was on said floor - in front of the cow. Charlie was already petting the cow, murmuring something that the animal clearly wasn't listening to, too distracted by Cas saying, "Samantha, say hi!"

As Dean could have told them, there was silence. (He'd say crickets, but Cas might want to adopt those, too, and Dean couldn't handle that.)

Cas' frown was actually a bit more of a pout. "Come on, Sam-" Dean did not wince- or, well, maybe he did, but only because Cas decided it was a genius idea to start mooing at the cow again. Dean was so unsurprised that he couldn't summon the energy to be exasperated, actually finding himself deciding it was a pretty good approximation of a cow.

And then, as though the universe had seen fit to make things even worse, the damn thing moo'd back.

And then, as though the universe had decided things still weren't bad enough, Charlie joined in, fighting through a laugh - okay, nope, not a laugh… far more of a giggle - to produce a shaky thing that was almost a cow and yet drastically, drastically different.

That was about the moment Dean came to the conclusion that said universe existed with the main purpose of spiting him. (You'd think he'd do something with that information. He didn't have the learning curve for that, though.) "You both realize that she doesn't talk, right?"

If there were anything Dean was less equipped to handle than Cas or than Charlie, it was both of them together. Literally. In chorus. "She just did!"

Dean blinked. "She's a cow. She moo's." He shook his head and leaned against the wall at the threshold. (He would not be setting foot into that room anytime soon if he could help it.) "She's probably trying to figure out why two lunatics are mooing in her face."

Cas was shaking his head before Dean finished talking, but at least he waited until the end to speak. "That's not what she said, Dean. You just have to listen to her-"

Dean actually rolled his eyes. "I'm listening to you two spouting gibberish at a cow; I can hear plenty. And I ain't listenin' any closer. Some things you just can't unhear."

"A cow? She's not just any cow, Dean. She's special."

Cas nodded vehemently, hair flapping enough that it was rescued from where the cow was trying to bite it. "Exactly, Cas!"

"You just met her, Charlie." (And Dean was starting to - starting to? More like had been for a while - regretting that decision.)

If outrage could be boiled down to a single expression, it would be the one on Charlie's face. "So? She's still special. I can tell!"

Dean was pretty sure that his patience shortened a bit more each day since Cas had brought home the damn cow, and this was no exception; he was exasperated enough to stop trying to be reasonable and instead give up. "O-kay." He drummed his hands on the baby-proof gate as he pushed himself off the wall and to his feet. "I'm gonna grab the supplies. Y'all pull your Doctor Doolittle shit and fawn over her-"

In hindsight, he really should have expected them to argue back… but, in his defense, them both saying the same word at the same time was still a bit new to him. Especially when that word was, "Calf."

"What?"

Charlie actually had the audacity to shake her head at him. "A fawn is a baby deer, Dean." He blinked back at her, and she - also not sharing Cas' avoidance of eye rolls, apparently - rolled her eyes. "Samantha is a baby cow."

He had made a huge mistake. Dean turned around and walked out.