Dean was very much regretting his compliance.
He'd discovered that about two seconds in - just about when Cas and Charlie were both trying to lift the cow into the bathtub, failed, and then demanded that he go over and help them - and was only being reminded of that as he stood in the doorway a good five feet minimum away from the bathtub and was still getting drenched in water.
And yet, staring at Cas trying to clean the cow… Well, okay, fine, he couldn't be mad, but it still had to be addressed. "Y'know, Cas, I was promised clean." Cas blinked, confused. "This is not clean. This… this is the freaking armageddon of bathrooms."
Charlie coughed out, "Cowmageddon."
Cas frowned. "It's not that bad, Dean. She's only splashing a little water around… it's not dirty."
"It better not be… I've gone over that damn bedroom how many times?"
"At least ten, Dean." Cas looked over at him with that all-seeing stare (that also had no effect on Dean). "I'm surprised we still have floorboards left. Or bleach. Or vinegar. Or literally any other cleaning supply." He paused, then added, "And then you opened all the windows and turned on the attic fan."
Dean was not defensive. But. "You can't deny it's clean, now, Cas. Or, well, mostly clean." Given that she was still shitting all over the place, there was only so much he could do… but that was basically that.
Cas didn't answer, simply smiling and returning his attention to the bath. Or, rather, to the shampoo he was trying to work into her scalp and to the toothbrush he pulled from somewhere, dunked in the bath, and then started brushing Samantha's fur with.
Dean blinked. "W-what are you doing?"
"I saw it on the Google. It's clearly realized it's not a good cow father and decided to do better. Apparently, a wet toothbrush is like a mother's tongue. It's comforting to her, Dean."
Dean nodded. Then he stopped nodding. Then his eyes widened in… not horror. Not horror. (But, yes, horror.) "Is that my toothbrush?"
Cas nodded. "Yes, Dean."
Dean couldn't very well help the surge of horror at that. After all, it couldn't possibly be sanitary for something that had been in his mouth to be used for cleaning the cow's fur. Which was… absolutely not what should have been upset about because that's his toothbrush. Which meant he didn't have one anymore. That was obviously and totally what he was concerned about. "Well…" He didn't care about the cow at all, but… "At least brush her the right way."
Cas nodded. "You're right. I can't reach her like this." Two seconds later, his trench coat was discarded and he was hopping into the bath. "That's better."
Dean was fine. Completely and absolutely fine. Not at all distracted by- nope, he wasn't. Not by anything. At all. Whatsoever. Wet hair? Who cared about that? "I, uh… I meant brush with the fur and not against it, Cas. Not to take a bath with her."
Cas frowned. "I am getting clean and cleaning her at the same time. This is very effective. Two…" He blinked, then covered Samantha's ears again. "Two birds one stone."
Dean… gave up. "Okay."
He did notice, however, that Cas shifted the brush, brushing with the grain… and, shockingly, it worked. Who knew? Not that Dean was staring at Cas or anything. He just… happened to notice it. On some random glance towards him that was a completely unique phenomenon.
Which was, of course, why Charlie smirking at him (again, and they really, really needed to talk about her ridiculously smug expressions) was completely uncalled for.
And then, as if that wasn't enough, Sam moo'd, fur soaped and pushed together into a… he could not believe he just thought cowlick completely unironically.
And then, because the universe clearly hated him and still wasn't satisfied, Cas looked at Samantha, turned to practically beam at Dean, and shouted out a too-triumphant, "She likes it!"
Which was about when Dean came to the conclusion that there was a distinct possibility he would give up on life before the day was out.
Or at least run out of beer.
