all this time I didn't know you were breaking down.
Annabeth couldn't take it anymore. She stormed out of the rec room, leaving the rest of its occupants in a state of shocked silence. She knew she was being unreasonable—they really did need to plan for the upcoming war, but she just couldn't bring herself to sit around that stupid ping pong table while everyone casually discussed Percy's impending death. She also knew that, objectively, this had to be infinitely worse for him, being the subject of said death, but she had carried the weight of The Great Prophecy alone for so long (Chiron excluded) and now Percy knew. Percy knew which meant she could no longer pretend it wasn't real. Pretend it was someone else's life. Someone else's fate.
She didn't even realize where she was going until she found herself on the edge of the beach. Of course, her subconscious would have brought her here. The ocean had come to be synonymous with Percy, and therefore synonymous with comfort, even if she was beyond frustrated with him right now. She had found herself by the ocean far more than she would care to admit this past summer, hoping it would close the rift between the two of them. But now, as she made her way closer to the water, she had never felt further from him.
Despite her inner turmoil, Annabeth knew there was nowhere else she could go that could make this situation any better. So, once she had made it close enough to the shore, she threw herself down into the sand and wrapped her arms around her knees. The water was warm as it rose to brush her feet, and she allowed herself to be consumed by her thoughts.
She sat there for what felt like forever, keeping her eyes on the illuminated water as she desperately tried to figure out a way to sift through all of these feelings she was having. She tried to be logical (she was a daughter of Athena after all) but no plan she could come up with could change the reality of the situation. The Fates had decreed it—someone she loved would not survive this battle. She knew that prophecies weren't that straightforward, but even without the ominous"hero's soul, cursed blade shall reap" hanging over his head, there was still going to be a battle, and that meant Percy could die. Those two weeks when he had been on Calypso's island had been terrible, and even then she'd had hope that he may still be alive somewhere. If he died, Annabeth wasn't sure she would recover.
"Are you okay?' The sound of his voice cut through the storm brewing in her mind. He sounded hesitant, like he wasn't sure if his presence would make this better or worse. To his credit, she didn't know either.
Unable to find the words, she simply shrugged her shoulders, staying silent as he came and sat down next to her in the sand. She tried to ignore the beat her heart skipped as he bumped his shoulder into hers.
"Is everyone mad at me? I know we need to plan, I just…" she trailed off, not particularly wanting to have this conversation with him of all people.
"Nah, they aren't mad. They- We all just wanted to see if you were okay."
She could hear the strain in his voice. Her heart twists at his slip. Maybe he really hadn't wanted to be the one to check on her. She can't say she can blame him, hadn't she just been thinking the same thing? But still, it hurt to know that the tension between them had gotten so bad he didn't even know if he wanted to be around her anymore. She tried not to take it too personally—deep down she knew that Percy would always be there for her.
Always.
Except now, maybe that wasn't true. The chances of him being around got smaller and smaller as they barrelled toward his 16th birthday.
She squeezed her eyes shut. She absolutely did not want to think about that anymore. Not when she was so mad at Percy for being gone for so much of the summer. Not when he was right here next to her.
Besides, she was trying not to make this all about her, and she didn't want to spend what felt like the only time they'd had alone all summer complaining to him about this. Still, it was all she could think about.
Annabeth knew her life as a demigod was never going to be an easy one. She had learned, far quicker than she should have, that there was a good chance that she and everyone she loved would die at a young age. The knowledge had turned her into somewhat of a pessimist. Everyone had left her. And, as much as she loved Camp Half-Blood, it was undeniable that being the child of a goddess had only brought her pain—there would always be that fear looming over her that the people she loved would one day leave her, whether they wanted to or not.
But these past years with Percy had given her hope again. Despite knowing from the moment she met him what his fate would be, she couldn't help but start to believe that maybe he would be different. He had made it so easy, having her back time and time again.
How stupid she had been.
"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice cuts through her inner turmoil and she realizes that they've been sitting here in silence while her thoughts spiraled further and further into despair.
She didn't really, at least she didn't think she did. It wasn't fair to put this on him, not when he was the one who had to shoulder this burden already; especially because so much of her frustration was directed at him. But she found herself nodding slowly, and then the words were pouring out of her before she could stop them.
"I- This whole situation. Kronos and Luke and the prophecy. I can't do it anymore. I can't sit there and plan on how we're going to kill Luke like we don't know him anymore. And I know that maybe we don't really, but part of me still can't accept the fact that the Luke I knew is gone. And I'm sorry, I know you hate him now and that you don't understand why I still care about him so much. But Luke and Thalia were the first real family I ever had and now it's like-"
She broke off, her voice cracking as the tears she had been fighting off since she first sat down on the beach finally spilled over. She hated feeling weak like this, the burning in her throat and behind her eyes a constant reminder of everything she had lost, everything she still had to lose.
"-they're just both gone in one way or another. And now we're sitting here talking about you dying in less than two weeks like it's nothing and I just can't take it anymore." She wiped her face harshly, annoyed with the tears that were now falling in earnest.
Percy sat stiffly beside her, the mention of Luke had caused him to tense up. She couldn't blame him for how he felt about Luke, but she also couldn't face his judgment about the situation.
She could see Percy's mouth fall open in her peripheral vision, could see the gears turning as he tried to figure out what to say to her. The distance between them— which had been growing ever since they made it out of the labyrinth—became painfully apparent as he struggled, and she felt another stab in her heart as it became clear that Percy had no idea what to say to her anymore. But it didn't matter that Percy had never been the best with words; she wasn't done word vomiting all over him.
"And I'm mad at you too. This whole summer you've been gone. I've missed you so much and I know I can't blame you for not wanting to be around while all of this is going on but it's- it's almost like you don't want to be around me and I feel like you're still here but you're already gone too."
Breathing heavily, she pressed her palms into her eyes as the realization that she had just dumped all of that onto Percy set in. She fought off the urge to scream and scrambled to her feet. She did not want to deal with the aftermath of whatever that had been.
"Oh my gods. I'm sorry, Percy. I'm gonna go," she said, not even pausing to catch the pained look that had come across his face as she turned and made her way back up the beach.
It took Percy a few seconds to process what exactly had just happened, but once he had recovered he was hauling himself up in the same fashion, turning to follow after her. "Annabeth, wait!"
She ignored him. Or maybe she hadn't even really heard him, the rushing in her ears blocking out most of what was going on around her. Admittedly, she felt better after getting that off of her chest, but the crushing feeling of pain had only been replaced by embarrassment.
Percy finally caught up to her, gripping her wrist and spinning her back around to face him. "Annabeth, just wait up for a second."
He paused for a second and then quietly asked, "Don't I get to say something?"
She still wouldn't look at him, her cheeks red from mortification and all the crying. But he kept his grip on her wrist firm, not letting her get away from him as he said what he needed to say.
"Look, I'm sorry that I've given you such a hard time about Luke. And I'm sorry I haven't been there for you with all of this. I didn't realize it was affecting you so much. But Annabeth, he's not on our side anymore." She could tell he was trying to be gentle, but that didn't stop her from picking up on the sharp edge in his tone.
She let out a sigh. They weren't going to get anywhere with this conversation, she knew that. But he didn't seem to be done talking, so she didn't bother trying to interrupt.
"And I know it's stupid, but part of the reason I've been avoiding you this summer is because it hurts to be around you. Because I know that I may have to say goodbye to you and I don't think I can do it. And I know that I should be trying to spend every second I can with you but I'm scared it'll only make it that much harder to-" He trailed off, not quite having the words.
Annabeth winced at the confession, but she understood what he was trying to say. There was a moment of uncomfortable quiet, neither of them knowing what to say next. They were stuck at an impasse, and there was nothing either of them could do to fix what was happening. Before she could break the deafening silence, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. It was tentative at first, as if he honestly wasn't sure if it would make things better or worse, but when she didn't pull away he tightened his grip. Percy hugged her harder than he ever had before. She tried not to think about how close they were, about how good it felt to be held like this. Burying her face in the crook of his neck, she allowed one last stray tear to fall.
"I'm so sorry, Annabeth. I had no idea that you were dealing with all of this. I know things have been rough for all of us, but that doesn't change the fact that I haven't been the best of friends."
"It's okay, I haven't either, and I'm sorry too. I just don't want to lose you, Percy." She said it quietly, like it was a secret.
He couldn't promise that it wouldn't happen, they both knew that. So instead, he pulled her even closer, burying his face in her moonlit hair.
She knew that this didn't really fix anything. Tomorrow they would go back to war strategy—to preparing for the end of Percy's (and maybe everyone's) life. But if these were some of the last few moments she would get with him, she was going to enjoy them.
this is something that I wrote a couple of months ago and then abandoned because of school. But, my semester is over and I will be back with a vengeance! I personally will never tire of pre TLO and pre HOO fics, so I am happy to contribute to the canon. I hope you all enjoy :)
