1

Nikolai

Nikolai walked through the library, looking for someone to sit with. Or someone he knew, at the very least.
Mission accomplished, he thought as he spotted David from his engineering classes at a table with two girls.
Nikolai found David fascinating. Not having had to complete his military service, David was almost an entire year younger than Nikolai and being Grisha, he was already brilliant at what he was doing. Nikolai hadn't actually had a chance to talk to him yet, but that could change now, he decided.
"Hey", he plopped down his books on the table, "I take classes with David. You don't mind if I sit with you guys, do you?"
David glanced up from his books and Nikolai could tell that his classmate recognized him, but he didn't say anything. Instead, it was one of the girls that answered.
"Sure", she smiled.
Nikolai realized knew her in passing and how couldn't he? Her bright wine-red hair was almost as recognizable as the silken eyepatch that was covering one of her amber eyes and the thin scars running all over her face and neck.
"Genya", she introduced herself.
"Nikolai", he replied, giving her a smile.
"Nice to meet you", she smiled back at him, "You seem to already know David, and this is Zoya." She pointed at the other girl, prompting her to finally look up and Nikolai had to keep his breath from catching. Saints, that girl was pretty. She had her thick black hair up in a high ponytail, held together by a blue ribbon that complimented her striking blue eyes and a golden nose ring glittered against her dark skin. He also spotted the lanyard for her student ID around her neck, blue, indicating she was Grisha. Etherialki, if he wasn't mistaken.
Then she scowled at Nikolai and went back to typing away on her notebook, not acknowledging him any further and Nikolai started to seriously doubt his sanity for thinking she was attractive.
Genya sighed. "Zoya, would it hurt you to be nice for once in your life?"
"Yes", Zoya said pointedly without interrupting her typing.
"Lovely", Nikolai said dryly, prompting Genya to laugh.
"I'm sorry", she said, "We're not making a very good first impression, are we? You said you know David from class? So you're in engineering, too?"
"Well, it's my one true love", he grinned, "But my major is political science. What about you?"
"Guess", Genya pointed at the notebook in front of her. He leaned over to take a closer look and saw that it was filled hasty sketches of figurines wearing dresses and little fabric squares glued next to it.
"I'll have to go with biology", Nikolai said with a smirk and Genya laughed. "Close enough."
He was about to ask what kind of classes a fashion major entailed, but Genya had turned to David and said: "David, love, why don't you tell Nikolai what you're working on?"
So Genya was David's girlfriend. Nikolai made a mental note of that. It explained why he'd seen Genya hang around the engineering classrooms a couple of times, he supposed.
David looked up, obviously surprised to be suddenly involved in the conversation. "This is a project for one of the higher classes. I don't think you'd understand much", he said, but there was no arrogance whatsoever in his voice. Nikolai peered over onto David's tablet, filled with long, complicated equations he did in fact not understand and nodded. But then he spotted a messy sketch tucked into one of the corners. "It's a power source, isn't it?", he asked, and David nodded, enthusiastically. "Oh Saints here we go", Genya muttered as he launched into an explanation on Grisha made power sources, but Nikolai was fascinated. He had assumed that David mainly took higher classes because he was Grisha, because they needed his fabrikator talents, but now he realized that it was most likely because David was just insanely smart.
"It's mostly theoretical for now", David finished his explanation and Nikolai nodded. He was itching to get his own notebooks out, try sketching up something like David's power source himself, but that unfortunately wasn't what he'd come here for. So instead, he reached for his stack of books and pulled out the "Comprehensible history of Ravka's political landscape" to get some of his appointed reading done.

"Anyone want some coffee?", Nikolai asked an hour later, slamming his dreadful book shut. Nothing was more boring to him than reading about corrupt politician's failed attempts at ending unnecessary wars. Besides, nothing about this book was even remotely comprehensible and Nikolai often found himself rereading the same paragraph two or three times before any of it sunk in.
"Yes, please", Genya said, "With milk and sugar if you don't mind." She started digging around in her bag, presumably looking for change. "Don't worry", Nikolai said quickly, "I've got it. Anyone else?"
"They don't drink coffee", Genya said when neither David nor Zoya answered.
Nikolai raised an eyebrow. "How?"
"Don't ask me", Genya grinned, "I keep wondering the same thing."
What an odd group they were, Nikolai thought as he was walking over to the coffee machine, stretching his legs.
Sweet, bubbly Genya, brilliant but awkward David and… Zoya. What was her deal? Nikolai wasn't sure, he just knew that she was rude and unlike David, who mostly just didn't seem to notice the conversations going on around him, she was definitely ignoring him deliberately.
Maybe it was because she didn't drink coffee, Nikolai thought as he poured milk into Genya's cup, people who could function without caffeine were not to be trusted in his opinion.

When he returned to their table, Zoya had shut her laptop and was playing with something that looked suspiciously like his ID card.
"Lantsov, huh?", she asked with a smirk when he said back down, "Like the politician."
Nikolai sighed. "Yes, like the politician. Can I have my ID back, please?"
Zoya tossed it over to him and seemed genuinely surprised when Nikolai caught it out of the air. "Is he your dad?", she asked.
"Yes, he's my father", Nikolai said, hoping to cut the discussion as short as possible. Alexander Lantsov was decidedly not one of his favorite conversation topics.
But Zoya seemed to be done anyways.
"You're older than us", she noted instead, nodding towards the ID card he was still holding.
"Yeah", Nikolai said, "I did my miliary service before coming here."
"Aw, did you actually?", Zoya's tone was mocking, "I thought all you rich, privileged kids just buy your way out of it."
Saints, what was this girl's problem?
"You mean like my brother?", Nikolai asked, trying hard to keep his voice friendly, "No, I actually wanted to do it. Serve my country, you know?"
Zoya raised an eyebrow. "I see", she just said with an amused tone in her voice and started packing up her things.

"Listen", Genya said the second Zoya was out of earshot, "I'm sorry about her. She's usually not that… unpleasant. Well", she seemed to think about it for a second, "She isn't exactly known for being nice and polite, but that was still worse than usual."
"I see", Nikolai said. That somehow didn't make it better at all.
"So", Genya said, "Military, huh? Where did you serve?"
"Os Kervo." Nikolai smiled. Finally something he enjoyed talking about. "I was in the Navy. Did you serve?"
Genya shook her head.
"Because you're Grisha, too", Nikolai said, realizing, "You're all Grisha."
He shouldn't have been surprised, supposed. Os Alta College was one of the only colleges in the country that took on more Grisha students than their Otkasat'sya counterparts.
"Yep", Genya said, "We all went to boarding school together, too."
That, finally, made sense. It explained how the three of them knew each other and why they were friends, despite being so very different from each other.
"So", Nikolai said, "Has Zoya always been this absolute ray of sunshine?"
"Yes", said Genya decidedly, "It has actually gotten better. She used to be very angry. One time, she… Well", she paused, "Actually, that's not really my story to tell. Either way, she isn't all that bad, I promise. She's a really good friend."
That Nikolai found hard to believe, but he didn't say anything.

2

Zoya

"No, that's not how you hold your hands", Zoya said and stepped in front of Lev so he could see how she did it. Lev rolled his eyes.
"Leave me alone, Nazyalensky, my way works perfectly fine."
"Okay", Zoya snarled at him, familiar anger rising inside her, "Show me."
Lev moved his hands apart and Zoya felt her hair ruffled by a mild breeze.
"Weak", she snapped and summoned a gust of wind, strong enough to knock Lev off his feet but controlled enough to leave him standing. Shame. She really wanted to slam him into the wall.
"See", she said, "This is what you could do if you actually tried for once."
Lev scoffed. "That's not fair." Of course it wasn't. Zoya had been training since she was nine and she had been training hard. Lev had only discovered that he was a Squaller when he was fourteen and his wealthy parents had decided that it was not their problem and someone else could train him later. Of course it wasn't fair, but Zoya didn't care.
Not when Lev, who was a year older than her, had apparently decided to make every lesson his parents paid her to teach him as miserable as possible. She didn't even know why. She had gone into the tutoring thinking they'd be at least civil with each other, but Lev had treated her with nothing but disdain from minute one. Maybe it was because he could tell that she was Suli and he didn't like it that a Suli girl was better at something than he was. Maybe it was because he, like most ravkan children, had been raised to see Grisha as necessary but decidedly other, less than and being one was too much for him. If that was his issue, he'd have to work through that himself and if he was just racist, well, Zoya thought, then he could go fuck himself.
"Again", she said through gritted teeth, "We have twenty minutes left. Show me your stance."
With a very dramatic sigh, Lev positioned himself opposite her. He raised his hands and- "No", Zoya snapped, "Wrong. Again. Correct your feet first. They're way too close together." Lev overcorrected and was now standing with his feet way too far apart. Either he was stupid, or he was trying to make this as difficult as possible for her. Maybe it was time for a practical demonstration.
With a flick of her wrist, Zoya summoned a gust of wind that hit Lev in the chest. Like she had expected, he lost his balance immediately and landed on his butt. Zoya had to try her hardest not to laugh at how utterly stupid he looked.
"See", she said instead, "This is what happens when you don't get the stance right." Lev glared at her from the floor. Then he got up, corrected his stance and before Zoya could react, he slammed his hands together and she was hit by a wind much stronger than anything he had managed to do before. It wasn't quite strong enough to knock her off her feet, but still strong enough to startle her.
She smiled. He was like her, or at least like she'd been, the angrier he was, the stronger he was. She had grown out of it when she was twelve or thirteen, though. By then she'd been strong enough to not rely on her anger as a catalyst anymore, but maybe it would give Lev the push he needed.
"Aw", Zoya drawled, getting back into position, "You want to fight me? Cute. You're about as good as I was when I was ten."
Lev grunted and hit her with another gust of wind. It took Zoya a mere hand movement to redirect his attack into the wall behind her. "Is that all you can do?" She shot back at him, and he made an attempt at redirecting her attack the way she had, but he clearly didn't do it in a way that felt natural to him, like she had told him time and time again, instead copying her movements. It didn't work and he found himself knocked off his feet once more.
"Fuck you, Nazyalensky", Lev panted, pushing himself back up.
He looked healthy, his cheeks flushed, his eyes bright, but he was clearly exhausted. Zoya knew what it did to Grisha to grow up not using their powers. Like all the others, Lev was skinny, sickly, and tired quickly.
"That was pathetic", Zoya stated and this time she didn't just say it to make him angry. She meant it. "You're pathetic, Lev. You're not even trying."
"Yes I am", he spit back, "Maybe you're just a bad teacher."
"No", Zoya said, indignantly, "I know what I'm doing and if you would just listen…", she stopped herself when she noticed her frustration creeping into her voice. Oh no, she wouldn't let him notice how much he affected her.

A few minutes later, Zoya stomped over the college grounds, back to her dorm room. This day had been straight up awful. It wasn't just Lev, it was that annoying Lantsov kid as well. Zoya felt like she hadn't gotten any of her coursework done today, because she had to listen to him chat with Genya for the better part of an hour.
"Bad lesson?", Genya asked when Zoya slammed the door shut behind her.
"I hate him", Zoya grumbled as she dropped her bag on the floor, not really knowing if she was talking about stupid, pathetic Lev or chatty, annoying Nikolai with his open grin and easy jokes.
She threw herself on her bed and buried her face in her pillow. "I hate him", she repeated.
Genya sighed. "Why don't you just stop teaching him then?" So they were talking about Lev.
"No", Zoya said.
"Why not?", Genya asked, reasonably, "You do have enough other students."
"Because his parents pay well and I need the money", Zoya said, pushing herself back up and leaning against her headboard, "And because if I give up on him then I'll be a horrible teacher and he'll be right."
Genya raised an eyebrow. "So what you're saying is that this entire situation could be avoided if you weren't stubborn."
"Possibly", Zoya said and slowly felt her anger dwindle.
It was always like this with Genya, had always been like this.
Genya had come to the boarding school right after Zoya's eleventh birthday and Zoya had hated having a new roommate. And it didn't help that Genya had brought her clingy little foster sister Nina to the school and while Nina had her own room, she liked being with Genya and was practically always in their room, often sleeping there too.
So, one afternoon, after a particularly bad day, Zoya had come into the room and just laid into Genya. She had screamed at her for at least ten minutes and Genya hadn't said anything, she'd just endured it quietly. Then, when Zoya had finished, out of breath, face still red from yelling, her hands bunched into fists, Genya had looked up at her.
"You're angry", she had said, her voice calm but her amber eyes blazing, "You're always angry, but I don't see how that is my fault. You can talk to me about it, if you want to, but what you will never do again is let it out on me when I haven't done anything to you."
And just like now, Zoya had suddenly felt very deflated, all her anger gone.
She hadn't apologized to Genya, not then.
It was only a few months later when they had started to become friends and even little Nina didn't seem as annoying anymore that Zoya gathered all her courage and apologized. Genya hadn't even remembered it anymore, but Zoya would never forget what her friend had told her that day.
"The other reason I don't want to give up teaching Lev", Zoya continued, "Is that if I give up, he'll give up and then, he'll be dead by forty because pushing down his powers will slowly kill him. Either that or his parents will find another teacher for him, someone who can't handle him."
"Aw, you care", Genya said, "So you do have a heart after all."
"I don't", Zoya said coolly, "I just don't want it to be my fault when he drops dead in a few years."
"Yeah sure", Genya grinned, "You keep telling yourself that. By the way, while we're on the topic of you having a heart – Why did you have to be so awful to Nikolai today? He has been literally nothing but nice to you."
Zoya rolled her eyes. "He's annoying", she said, "That's all. I don't come to the library to make friends, and neither should he."
"And that's why you called him a rich, privileged kid and basically accused him of lying about his military service?", Genya asked, skeptically, "Because he talked in the library?"
Zoya scoffed. "He is a rich, privileged kid. And his dad's an asshole."
"So what?", Genya challenged, "That's not his fault, is it? You should give him a chance. He's really nice and David says he's smart, too. Also, most politicians are assholes, not just his dad."
"And he's a PoliSci major", Zoya argued back, "Which means he will most likely become an asshole politician, too."
"No", Genya said, "I honestly don't think so. I don't know why he's majoring in it, but it's for sure not his passion."
"Why do you even care so much?", Zoya asked, mildly irritated, "We barely know him. Why does it matter whether I like him?"
"Because", Genya sighed, "Zoy, don't take this personally, you know I love you, but I really want to find at least a few new friends while I'm in college. And you're my best friend, so I want you to like them. Or not scare them off by being unnecessarily mean, at least."
"You wanna be friends with that guy? Really?", Zoya asked, but Genya's words did make her feel at least a little guilty.
"Okay, okay, I get it", Genya put her hands up as if surrendering, "You don't like Nikolai."
Zoya rolled her eyes again. "It's alright", she mumbled, "Be friends with him, I'll try to not murder him. But don't expect me to start being nice to him."
"See", Genya said, beaming, "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

3

Nikolai

Nikolai's phone buzzed. It was a message from Genya, asking him whether he wanted to come study with her and her friends. Glad to have an excuse to escape his messy, stuffy dorm room, Nikolai grabbed some of his books and headed over to the campus library.
Genya and David were already there, at their usual table, in their usual seats, and like usually, Genya greeted him, while David was too caught up in whatever he was doing to really notice him.
While Nikolai was setting down his books next to Genya's sketchbook, Zoya came up to the table, her bag over one shoulder, a cup from a popular coffee shop just off campus in her hand.
"So", Nikolai asked while Zoya started unpacking her things, "How has everyone's day been?"
"Good so far", Genya said with a smile, "Yours?"
Nikolai shrugged. "Boring classes, but fine other than that." He turned to Zoya, expecting her usual answer along the lines of "My day was good until you showed up", but she surprised him by shrugging and saying: "Fine", before turning back to her laptop.
For a second, Nikolai was tempted to tease her about it, but if she was starting to tolerate him, he wasn't about to ruin it. But then again, why did he even care? He didn't really consider these people friends; it wasn't like they ever hung out outside of the library and Genya was the only one who really talked to him. And it wasn't like he went out of his way to spend time with them, either, and if he was being honest, Zoya was the main reason for that.
He respected her. Much like him, she seemed to be incredibly hardworking and dedicated, but she wasn't nice. Not to him at least. He tried to talk to her but on a good day, she'd ignore him and on a bad day, he'd be met with scowls and snide remarks.

It bothered him more than he cared to admit. It wasn't just that people usually liked him unless he gave them a reason not to and he'd known Zoya for less than two weeks and, at least in his opinion, he'd done nothing to warrant her acting like this.
It was also that Nikolai thought that she, while maybe not nice, was at least an interesting person, someone he wanted to get to know better, but she wouldn't let him.
Then again, maybe that was starting to change now? At least she hadn't sneered at him when he asked about her day.
Nikolai decided to take a chance and leaned over to her.
"I thought you didn't drink coffee", he said, pointing at the cup next to her. She looked up from her laptop, surprise in her eyes. Just surprise, Nikolai noted, no annoyance.
"I don't", she said, "It's tea, which clearly is the superior hot drink."
"Oh how wrong you are", Nikolai grinned, "But please, enlighten me, as to how you arrived at that very incorrect conclusion."
"Easy", Zoya said indignantly, "You get the same amount of caffeine, but it doesn't taste like shit."
Nikolai wanted to argue back, keep the conversation going, but Zoya had turned her attention back to her laptop, so he left it at that.

"Hey, Nikolai, do you want to join us for lunch?", Genya asked after a long, but not very productive study session.
Nikolai shrugged. "Sure."
Spring had come slowly this year and while it wasn't very warm just yet, the day was still nice and they'd been cooped up inside all throughout the harsh ravkan winter and so they decided to take their trays outside.

They had almost reached a bench when a guy, shorter than Nikolai, but by the looks of it quite a bit older than the four of them, walked past them, roughly slamming his shoulder into Zoya's in the process. She dropped her tray, gasping when the food splattered all over her clothes.
Nikolai turned around, expecting the guy to apologize, but Nikolai's horror, he just started laughing. "Now that's how you're supposed to look", he sneered at Zoya, "Like the little Suli Trash you are."
What had he just called Zoya? Nikolai had known that, even after years of reforms, Ravka still wasn't particularly kind to the Suli, but this? The open hatred? Nikolai could feel fury rise inside him, but before he could do or say something, anything to wipe that smug grin off this guy's ugly, hateful face, Zoya, seething with anger, started raising her hands next to him. Nikolai heard static crackling in his ears, then Zoya slammed her hands together and a gust of wind hit the guy in the chest, powerful enough to send him flying over the lawn.
Right. It was all too easy to forget that all three of them were Grisha, effortlessly powerful.
"Wow", Nikolai said quietly, "Remind me never to mess with you."
"Well, he had it coming, hadn't he?", Zoya said through gritted teeth, barely contained anger in her voice, cheeks flushed and eyes gleaming.
Genya put a hand on Zoya's arm. "Zoy, are you okay?", she asked softly, "I-"
"I'm fine", Zoya cut her off sharply, brushing off her hand, "That guy was an idiot, and he won't bother me again."
Then she turned around and marched towards the bench, leaving them little choice but to follow her.

"That was impressive", Nikolai noted once they'd sat down, "The way you sent that guy flying."
Zoya just shrugged. "I had good training", she said while attempting to wipe the remnants of her lunch from her shoes with a napkin, "And I worked hard. Anyone would be as good as I am if they'd had the same training and worked for it. And just for the record", she looked over at him, now with a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, "That little bit of wind was nothing. I could tear this whole place down if I wanted to."
"Well, I better be careful then", Nikolai said. His tone was light, but he meant it. He had no interest in being hurled over the school grounds by an angry Zoya.
When Zoya sat back up, after apparently cleaning her shoes to her satisfaction, Nikolai noticed a small necklace around her neck. The chain was golden, matching her nose piercing and her various earrings and it had a small, tear shaped blue gemstone dangling from it. It looked very pretty, but before he could admire it any further, Genya spoke up.

"So, Nikolai", she said while unwrappig her sandwich, "Did you have a girlfriend in the navy? Or a boyfriend?"
"Well", Nikolai grinned, "I was certainly popular with both men and women, but I managed to keep my heart all to myself."
It was true enough. Nikolai had met girls in the navy that he liked, girls that liked him back, but it had never gone beyond the occasional late-night fun. The initial spark had always been there, but somehow, the kindling had always run out way too quickly, there had never been enough there to keep the flame burning beyond the initial moments.
"Oh, a player then", Genya said, "That makes two of you."
Nikolai raised an eyebrow. "I take it you're not talking about yourself?"
"No, I'm happily taken", Genya smiled and reached for David's hand, who looked at her mildly confused, but then he smiled back at her and interlaced his fingers with her.
"I told her to stop calling me that", Zoya said dryly while reaching up to untie the blue ribbon that held her ponytail together. Her dark hair tumbled down her back and for a second, Nikolai was mesmerized by it. If you looked beyond all the spite and anger, Zoya was very attractive, and she knew it.
"I'm not a player", she reiterated, running her fingers through her hair, "I set very clear expectations."
"Doesn't mean you haven't broken a few heart", Genya said with a wink.
Zoya scoffed. "I haven't. None of those guys really liked me. They just thought they did because the sex was good or whatever."
"And you're so sure about that because…?", Genya asked.
Zoya shrugged. "I just know, okay?"
Nikolai found that he didn't want to talk about Zoya's potential love life anymore, so he leaned over to her and asked: "Hey, do you want some of my food?"
Zoya frowned. "No", she stood up. "I'm going back to the dorm to change", she said, anger creeping back into her voice, "I don't want to smell like a fucking Caesar Salad for the rest of the day."
Then she walked off, but after a few steps, she turned around again. "And just so we're clear", her voice was icy, "I don't need your pity, Lantsov." And with that, she was gone.
"I never assumed you did", Nikolai muttered, taken aback by her sudden outburst.
"Don't take it too seriously", Genya said, "She's not mad at you. I think what happened just rattled her more than she wants to admit."
Nikolai nodded. "Yeah, I figured. Does shit like that happen a lot?"
Genya sighed. "Not like this, no. But stupid, backhanded comments? We all get those a lot. We're Grisha and also…", she paused, "David is smart, people just don't like that. I look… like this", she gestured towards her face, towards her eyepatch and her scars, "And Zoya, well, you saw what she has to deal with. But we manage." She smiled but Nikolai felt his stomach clench. He'd known people were generally awful to each other, but seeing it firsthand? Seeing people he cared about affected by it?
"That's terrible"
"Yeah…", Genya said, suddenly looking very distant, her hand still in David's, who had gone back to pouring over a heavy looking book.
Nikolai cleared his throat. "Can I ask where you got your scars from? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, obviously."
Genya shrugged. "It's fine, it wasn't anything major, just an accident at school when I was thirteen maybe. But", she smiled, "I hated them in the beginning. I wanted nothing more than to be able to tailor them away, so I started actually taking my training seriously. And then, a few years later, when I was finally good enough to attempt it, I realized that I didn't want to anymore. They're part of me now and I love how I look."

4

Zoya

Zoya didn't want to go to class. She wanted to stay in bed and watch shitty TV shows and forget that the outside world existed. Well, more like forget that assholes existed, assholes that said awful things to her friends and called her Suli trash and made her drop her lunch and humiliated her in front of her friends and especially in front of that stupid Lantsov idiot.
She really did hate him. No, she didn't. Not really, she had to admit to herself, she just hated how easy everything was for him. She hated that he could just sit down with her friends and make them his own with his jokes and easy charm when it had taken her months to become friends with Genya and at least two years before David had really talked to her. She hated how his hair was always just a little bit too tousled for his pristine outfits as if he'd been running his hands through it all day and how pretty his hazel eyes looked when the afternoon sun fell through the library windows, turning them more golden than green. She hated how good he was with his words, how much she wanted to laugh at his stupid little jokes. And above all, she hated that he was nice. She had given him no reason to be kind to her and yet, he was. He still asked about her day, asked about her, made an effort to get to know her. She'd shown him that she was not a nice person, not a good friend and still, he didn't seem to care. Zoya didn't understand it, didn't understand him and that annoyed her above everything else.

Of course, she still went to class. Skipping lessons was not something she did, no matter how she was feeling. She hadn't done it at school, and she wasn't about to start now.
Zoya had always taken school seriously. She'd started going to an otkasat'sya school when she was seven, but by the time she was nine, her squaller gifts had gotten so out of control that no teacher at the small village school was willing to put up with her anymore. It wasn't like she set out to cause trouble, but every time a teacher scolded her for something she got angry and when she got angry it was like she couldn't help herself. So, her aunt had made the undoubtedly hard decision to send her to Os Alta, to one of the boarding schools that specialized in training young Grisha.
Zoya had been furious with Liliyana. Not only was her aunt sending her away, punishing her for something that wasn't her fault, she had also chosen the school in Os Alta, which was significantly further away from her hometown close to Novokribirsk than the school in Os Kervo would have been.
"You just want to get rid of me!", she had screamed, "You don't love me at all! If you did, you wouldn't send me to a school all the way across the country!"
But then, her and Liliyana had taken a road trip to the eastern parts of Ravka, all of Zoya's belongings stuffed into the trunk of her aunt's old car and now, almost thirteen years later, Zoya was grateful for Liliyana's decision. The school in Os Alta was by far one of the best ones in the country and if she hadn't gone there, she wouldn't have met Genya and David.
At the new school, Zoya had thrown herself into the work. She had quickly risen to the top in all her classes, but the lessons she enjoyed most were with an old teacher called Baghra, who taught her how to control and strengthen her powers. Using them made her feel strong and like she could conquer the whole world with her storms.
At first, Zoya had thought that the faster she managed to master her powers, the faster she could go back home to Liliyana, but Baghra had shut that idea down quickly.
"Silly girl", she'd said, "You're not going home, you're here to stay."
And when Zoya had finally seen Liliyana again, in the summer holidays, she'd realized that, as much as she'd missed her aunt, her place wasn't in that little town anymore. She'd outgrown it, just like she'd outgrown her favorite pair of boots.
Zoya touched her necklace. It had been Liliyana's gift for her tenth birthday, her first birthday away from home and there hadn't been a day since where Zoya hadn't worn it.

After class, Zoya was supposed to tutor a small, quiet squaller girl from Fjerda named Kajsa, but she didn't show up and when Zoya finally checked her phone after waiting for a good twenty minutes, she realized Kajsa had cancelled earlier in the week.
The thought of just going back to the dorm room and crashing there was very tempting, but she still had quite a lot of work to do before the end of the week and she knew that she wouldn't be able to focus in her room, so she dragged herself to the library.
Genya wasn't at their usual table but David and, regrettably, Nikolai were.

"Hey", Nikolai said, looking up from his work, "How have you been?" He gave her a smile.
Saints, why did he have to be nice? And why did his smile have to look like it could turn a cloudy day sunny in an instant? Zoya liked clouds.
"Alright", she said without really looking at him.

He didn't push it any further and Zoya was grateful for it. There were few things she wanted to do less than have Smalltalk with Nikolai Lantsov.
She reached up to gather her hair into a ponytail and tied it up with her favorite ribbon. She didn't really mind having her hair down when she was studying, but she had noticed how Nikolai had started looking at her when she did anything with her hair, like he had never seen anything more fascinating, and it amused her. Well, maybe amusement was the wrong word to describe the feeling she got, but she definitely felt something and that was enough to make her want to tease him with it.

Zoya had been deep into researching the effects of the jurda market on the kerch economy for her essay when Nikolai stood up next to her, breaking her focus.
Like almost every time they studied together, he walked off to the coffee machine, just to return with two cups a moment later. He placed one of them in front of her. It was her favorite tea.
Zoya looked up at him, surprised. "How did you know?", she asked.
"Lucky guess", he said and then he had the nerve to actually wink. Zoya scowled at him.
He sat down next to her. "What are you studying?", he asked, leaning over and glimpsing at her laptop.

Zoya sighed. There seemed to be no way to escape him.
"What do you mean?", she asked back, "Like, right now?"

"No", Nikolai said, "No, I mean, what's your major? We've been hanging out for like two weeks now and you never told me."

"Oh", Zoya said, realizing he was right, "I guess I haven't. My major is business, but I also take history."

"History?", Nikolai asked with a grin, "Really? Do tell me, what else are you hiding?"

"Oh, you'll never know", Zoya said dryly.
She supposed she understood his surprise. She had never been particularly passionate about history; she'd only taken it because her scholarship required her to take a second subject and history had seemed like a practical choice, something to broaden her knowledge about the world. But lately, as they'd moved on from ancient kaelish religions to Ravka's more recent history, she found herself actually enjoying the classes.
"Let me guess", Nikolai said, "You also like to knit."
Zoya scoffed. "Nikolai, please, that is ridiculous. I crochet, of course."
That made him laugh and Zoya couldn't help but notice how he crinkled his nose while doing so and as she turned back to her laptop, she couldn't fully keep herself from smiling.

"Where were you today?", Zoya asked Genya that evening when they'd both returned to their room, "You left me alone with Nikolai."
Genya laughed. "Saints, Zoy, you're so dramatic. He's not that bad. And besides, I didn't leave you alone. David was there."
"Yeah same difference", Zoya mumbled.
"Anyways, I had that presentation for my design class today", Genya said, "I'm pretty sure I told you about it?"
Zoya felt a pang of guilt. Of course Genya had told her about it, but she'd been so wrapped up in her own problems that it had simply slipped her mind.
"Right", Zoya said, "How was it?"
Genya smiled. "Good. I have a really good feeling about it."
"That's great. Which pieces did you choose in the end?", Zoya sat down on Genya's bed next to her friend.

"Wait, I can show you", Genya pulled out her laptop from her bag on the floor and began navigating through her very messy drive.
Zoya winced. "Saints, how do you find anything on there?", she asked, but before Genya could answer, a new window popped up on the screen. It was a video call invite from Nina.
Genya accepted the call and a second later, Nina's face filled the screen.
Nina wasn't really Genya's sister, not by blood anyways, but with her freckled face, auburn hair and green eyes, she easily could have been.
"Hey", Nina said, "Oh, hey Zoya."
"Hi", Zoya replied, "How are you doing?"
"Good", Nina said, "School's boring without you guys there, though."
Genya and Zoya laughed.
"How are your weird friends?", Genya asked.
"Excuse you", Nina said indignantly, "They're not weird. But yeah, they're fine." She looked at something that was clearly behind her laptop and giggled. "Inej says hi"
Genya raised an eyebrow. "They're not supposed to come to your room especially not that late in the evening, you know that, right?"
Nina shrugged. "I told them, but if they wanna come, there's not really anything I can do to stop them." She did not seem to mind at all, Zoya thought.
She still didn't completely understand the deal with Nina's friends. She knew they'd all lived in Ketterdam before they'd come to Ravka, but why four very chaotic sixteen-year-olds lived on their own in a foreign country was beyond her. There was Inej, Nina's best friend, a kind, tiny suli girl and the only one originally from Ravka. Then there were loud and fidgety Jesper, who regularly got into trouble for selling his Adderall to college students and then gambling the money away and quiet, anxious Wylan, who was smart but had horrid grades because he struggled with letters and words. And there was the weird Brekker kid. Zoya didn't like him. He was clearly the group's leader, always pale, always looking like he was plotting someone's murder. He didn't talk to people, instead staring at them menacingly. And he also had these stupid gloves that he never seemed to take off.
Genya had asked tried asking Nina about her friends, but either Nina didn't really know what was going on with them either or they'd sworn her to secrecy, because she kept dodging her sister's questions.
"I just called to say that I might see you this weekend", Nina said, "School decided that, come half term, Kaz can go to college early because of his grades and we're helping him move."
Right, weird Brekker kid was called Kaz, Zoya thought, and she had to keep herself from laughing. It wouldn't matter that Kaz was smart, not here. People would make fun of him anyways, for being a child, for wearing gloves, for having weird friends. She knew.
"Cool", Genya said, "I have quite a bit of work to do, but we can meet up for lunch, if you want. My treat."
"Great", Nina grinned, "I'm excited to see you. Anyways, did I tell you that Adrik and Leoni started dating?"
"What?", Genya sat up straighter and Zoya grinned. Always the gossip queen. Adrik and Leoni were two of Nina's school friends. Zoya knew Adrik because he was a squaller like her and Leoni she at least knew in passing.
"Those two?", Genya asked, saying out loud what Zoya was thinking, "Really?" It really was quite hard to imagine, seeing as Adrik was gloomy and grumpy and Leoni was sunshine personified, but Nina nodded. "Yup, we're placing bets how long it will last."
Genya laughed. "That's a little mean, don't you think?"
"They'll be fine", Nina said, then she looked behind her laptop again, presumably to where Inej was sitting, "Listen, I'm sorry, but I gotta go."
Genya raised an eyebrow. "Don't do anything illegal."
"And don't get caught if you do", Zoya added.
Nina laughed. "Don't worry. See you this weekend." And with that, she disconnected the call.
Genya sighed. "They're not a good influence."
"She's sixteen", Zoya said with a laugh, "You gotta let her make her own mistakes. And besides, she's clearly happy."
"I guess", Genya yawned, "Saints, I'm tired. I think I'm gonna go to bed early tonight."
Zoya nodded and went over to her own bed, where she pulled out her phone and started scrolling through her news app. Nothing sounded particularly interesting, until she came across an article about how Vasily Lantsov had been seen leaving some prestigious club with some B-lister celebrity. She opened it with a grin.
She wasn't really interested in the story, but there were some pictures attached to the page. She opened one of them and zoomed in to Vasily's face. He didn't look anything like Nikolai. Well, they had the same hair, but while Nikolai always carried himself with an easy confidence, Vasily looked like he wasn't exactly sure what to with his hands, his arms, everything really. And where Nikolai's face was all high cheekbones, smiles and bright eyes, Vasily's face was round and heavy, his dull grey eyes always a little sleepy looking with nothing of Nikolai's wit in them. He looked like the sort of person who'd call her a "Pretty thing for a Suli" and think nothing of it. He looked a lot like their father, who, in turn, didn't look anything like his younger son either. Nikolai seemed to take after his mother, and he was probably lucky for it.
Saints. Zoya scoffed at herself. Had she really just thought about how Nikolai was handsome? That was ridiculous. He certainly was good looking, but why was she thinking about it? It wasn't like high cheekbones made him any less insufferable, and besides, he wasn't even her type. She didn't go for the fjerdan looking guys, no matter how much their eyes looked like gold when the sun hit them right. No, she truly didn't care that he was objectively attractive, she decided.

It wasn't until Zoya was starting to get ready for bed that she noticed something was wrong, though she could only place the feeling once she'd pulled off her sweater.
"No, no, no", she muttered while already shaking out her duvet, before frantically digging through her bag, "No, please."
"You alright?", Genya asked, her voice sleepy.
"No", Zoya said, her throat impossibly tight, "I can't find my necklace."

5

Nikolai

"And that's it for today", the professor said, ending the class. It had cost Nikolai a lot of concentration to stay awake during yet another lecture about the micro dynamics of Shu politics.
The afternoon before, David had shown him some sketches for a piece of marine technology he was working on, asking for Nikolai's opinion as someone who had spent quite a bit of time on a ship. They had ended up working on it until the early morning hours. At first, they'd been in the library, then, when the librarian had kicked them out, they'd gone to his dorm room, because unlike David, Nikolai didn't have to share his room. One of the perks of being the son of a wealthy politician, he supposed.
Now, Nikolai was exhausted, and Shu politics didn't help. The only thing that had kept him awake was participating in class. Well, participating in class and coffee.
Trying his best to answer the lecturer's questions didn't make the topics less boring, but sometimes Nikolai could trick his brain into caring when he tried hard enough. Besides, being active and charming usually made the teachers like him, which helped with his grades, something he did care about.
Growing up, good grades had been one of the only surefire ways to get his father, his parents, really, to notice him. His parents didn't care that he loved maths and numbers, didn't care that he was excellent at solving problems, didn't care how inventive and smart for his age he was, unless it was reflected in his grades. So, Nikolai had adapted. He'd worked hard to be the best in his classes and in the rare cases where he didn't manage to do that, he had utilized his charm to win over the teachers.
Nikolai had long stopped caring about his father's approval, but the hunger for success had stayed, the wish for someone to tell him that he'd done good.
With Vasily, his parents had never been like that, but Vasily was different. He was older, he looked like their father, he thought like their father, he knew what he wanted, he knew who he was. All qualities Nikolai didn't share. He had become so good at changing into whoever he needed to be, that sometimes, when he lay awake at night, he started wondering which version of him was the true Nikolai.
Was he Sturmhond, part of the ravkan navy and admired strategist? Or was he Nikolai, the model student, who came to class in impeccable clothes and gave smart answers, friendly with everyone, friends with no one? Or was he still Kolya, the little boy racing towards something he could never reach, faster and faster while it seemed to slip away further the harder he tried, begging for scraps of his parents' attention, scraps of his brother's love? Maybe he was all of them. Maybe he was none of them.
But that was an issue for another day, he decided and started to pack up his things. Brooding about it really didn't solve the issue at hand, if anything, it only made him miserable.
When he went to put his notebook into his backpack, he accidentally knocked his pen from the table.
Cursing under his breath, he bent down. He found the pen and was already halfway back up when he noticed something glittering on the floor under the seat in front of him. He reached for it and pulled out a necklace with a thin golden chain and a blue gemstone. It was beautiful and he knew who it belonged to. Just looking at it made him imagine it resting against Zoya's skin, the gold contrasting her skin, the blue complimenting her eyes.
She must've lost it and when he let it run through his fingers, it became apparent why: A small part of the clasp had broken off.
Looking at it, Nikolai realized that couldn't remember ever seeing her without it, which meant he should probably give it back to her as soon as possible.
If he'd had Zoya's number, he could've texted her, but of course, she'd never given it to him. He could've texted Genya, but her classes were usually in a different building so the chances of her finding Zoya before him were slim.
And besides, Nikolai wanted to be the one to tell her he'd found it, to return it to her. It was truly ridiculous, and he knew it, but he couldn't help thinking that maybe, if she saw that he cared, she'd finally look at him with something other than utter disdain. Maybe, she'd even give him a chance at a proper conversation. He'd just give it to her when they saw each other in the library later, he decided.
But luck seemed to be on his side today. When he was leaving the building to head over to his next class, he spotted Zoya's dark hair through the crowd of other students.
"Zoya!", he quickened his steps and caught up with her a moment later.
"What do you want?", she snapped. Saints, he was used to her not being friendly, but this was low, even for her. Still, Nikolai smiled and held out the necklace. "I think this is yours?"
"Why do you have that?", Zoya snatched it from his hand, clutching it in hers.
"I found it", Nikolai said, "In my lecture hall. I remembered you wearing it, so I took it."
"Oh", Zoya said quietly, "Thank you." She tried to fasten the necklace around her neck.
"That won't work", Nikolai pointed out, "The clasp is broken."
"Oh", Zoya repeated. Her voice sounded tight, and Nikolai was surprised by how much pain he could see in her eyes. He suddenly had the strong urge to reach out and touch her hand that was still clutching the necklace, promise her that whatever caused her to look like she was about to burst into tears would be alright.
Of course, he didn't do that, as he was pretty certain that doing so would get him an instant taste of Zoya's Grisha powers. Instead, he said: "I'm sure David can fix it if you give it to him."
Zoya nodded, still looking distraught.
"This necklace means a lot to you, huh?", Nikolai asked softly.
Zoya nodded. "It was a gift from my aunt. She died last year", her voice was softer than anything Nikolai had ever heard from her.
Then, as if she'd just realized what she was saying, she squared her shoulders, tossed her raven hair back and, cheeks burning, said: "You're right, David can fix it for sure. It's not that big of a deal."
At once, any softness or anguish Nikolai had thought he heard before had disappeared from her voice, replaced by absolute iciness. He raised an eyebrow at the speed with which she had managed to recompose herself, but before he could say anything, she turned around and walked off, but not before shooting him a glare so angry that it made Nikolai want to take a step back.

Nikolai couldn't stop thinking about Zoya for the rest of the morning. She had given up a tiny piece of herself to him and, by the looks of it, immediately regretted it. He knew it had been stupid to assume she'd give him the time of day if he showed her that he cared, but it stung nevertheless. She still hated him. She hated him and that would never change, there was nothing he could do about it. If anything, their encounter earlier had only made her hate him more.
And yet, Nikolai couldn't stop thinking about the pain in her impossibly blue eyes, the way her hand was clutching the piece of jewelry, the way she sounded, the way her hair fell, soft waves that framed her sharp edges, edges on which he would cut himself if he wasn't more careful. He couldn't stop thinking about how she smelled when she sat next to him, of something beautiful yet wild that he couldn't quite place.
But it was also her other side that he couldn't seem to forget, the side that he saw most often. Angry Zoya, spiteful Zoya, Zoya who could send a guy flying if she so pleased.
She'd looked terrifying in that moment, terrifying but beautiful, in the way the saints in his old red book looked beautiful.
Nikolai shook his head in annoyance. No, she wasn't special, she was just another girl who had piqued his interest with her pretty face, but really, there was nothing likeable behind that pretty face. He ought to just stop trying to make her like him. He'd said it himself, she hated him and that wasn't going change, so what was he even fighting for? This stupid little infatuation had to stop.

There was no point in avoiding Zoya, he decided, that would only make it worse. So, after class, he headed to the library anyways. He could still spend time with Genya and David, he would just have to ignore Zoya, the same way she usually ignored him. Still, there was a tiny part of him that was disappointed when he reached the table, and she didn't even look up at him. But it didn't matter, not really. He would open his laptop and he would stop paying attention to her. And he did.
He didn't pay attention to her when she pulled the necklace from her bag and slid it over to David, he didn't pay attention to her when she swept all her hair to one side to put it back around her neck once he had fixed it, the blue stone dropping onto her skin, resting against her cleavage in a way that made him want to reach out and trace it with his fingers and he certainly didn't pay attention to her when she started fiddling with that saintsforsaken blue ribbon again.
"You found your necklace!", Genya exclaimed when she noticed Zoya putting it back on, "Where was it?"
"It was in one of my lecture halls", Zoya said with a tense smile, "I must've dropped it there yesterday."
"Oh, that's good", Genya said, "I'm glad you got it back."
Zoya nodded and Nikolai wanted to object, wanted to say that he was the one who had brought it back to her – but he didn't. It was probably better this way, less complicated.
He got up to get coffee for himself and Genya, but no tea for Zoya. Not this time.
When he sat back down, he purposefully turned a little, just so he wouldn't see Zoya every time he looked up and then he got to work.
It did the trick. For a while, the numbers and equations were all that occupied his mind, finally granting him some form of peace.
That peace was interrupted by Genya's laughter. Nikolai had no idea how long he'd been working, but a quick glance to his laptop's clock told him that it'd been well over an hour.
"Nikolai are you listening?", Genya asked, clearly amused.
"No", Nikolai admitted and forced himself to smile at her, "Sorry, I wasn't. Come again?"
"I was just saying how a girl I have some classes with is having a party next weekend. We're all going."
"I'm not", David interjected.
"Okay, Zoya and me are going", Genya corrected, "Do you want to come along?"
"I told you I'm not sure if I'm going, either", Zoya said, her tone irritated. Nikolai noticed that she was purposefully avoiding his gaze, her eyes fixed on Genya.
Genya sighed. "Saints, you're so boring, both of you. But Nikolai's not boring, are you Nikolai?"
Nikolai laughed. "I have many qualities, but boring surely is not one of them."
"See", Genya said cheerfully, "That's the spirit. I'll text you the details."

At least he had something to look forward to now, Nikolai thought. A big party would take his mind off things. Avoiding Zoya wouldn't be hard and besides, she might not even go.

For the rest of the week, Nikolai stayed in his room to study. He struggled to get anything done at all with all the distractions in the world within reach, his phone, his books, his construction paper notebooks with sketches waiting to be finished, but it was better this way.
Pretending Zoya didn't exist wasn't working as well as he'd hoped and every time he saw her, he was reminded of how she'd looked at him before she'd walked off, like he'd done something horrible to her when all he had wanted was to do her a favor.
His room was messy, too, making it even harder to focus, but between classes and coursework, Nikolai just didn't have the time to keep everything tidy. Then again, he hated cleaning, so maybe not having time was just an excuse. Either way, his floor was now littered with papers that had sat on his desk before he'd had to clean them off to at least have somewhere to work.
Just when he was about to get back to work, he got a notification from one of the news pages he was subscribed to. Even if his heart wasn't truly in it, staying on top of current events was important to Nikolai as a PoliSci major. He clicked on the notification, hoping for a distraction, but it was yet another article about Vasily and his newest conquest. She was a lesser-known actress and pretty, in a bland sort of way and why anyone would care about her or Vasily was beyond Nikolai. He was glad that the press mostly left him alone these days. They had strictly been denied access to him while he had served, which had apparently made them lose interest in him. No wonder, after all, he was just "Nikolai Nothing", as they'd dubbed him, always in his brother's and father's shadow.
Not wanting to read any more about his brother, Nikolai closed the page and then, after contemplating the sad beginnings of his paper for a moment, he closed his laptop, too. He needed to get outside and do something, or he'd explode.

He was on his way to the cafeteria, when he heard someone call out to him across the yard. He turned around and saw that it was Genya, who was waving him over to her group. Seeing Zoya's raven hair in the group made Nikolai briefly reconsider, but he didn't want to seem rude, so he made his way over to them.
When he came closer, he realized that Zoya and Genya were standing with five teenagers, the youngest looking about fifteen, the oldest no older than seventeen.
"Nikolai", Genya beamed at him, while Zoya was demonstratively looking in the other direction, "Meet my sister Nina and her friends."
A tall girl with reddish-brown hair and big green eyes waved at him.
"Hi everyone", Nikolai said with a smile. It was only then that he noticed the cardboard boxes on the floor.
"Who's moving?", he asked.
"Kaz", Nina nodded towards one of the boys. He was pale with black hair, a scar running over his left eyebrow and one of his gloved hands was holding a cane, topped with something that looked like a bird's skull.
"He's starting here next week", another boy said in a strong zemeni accent. He was tall and certainly looked zemeni, but there was something else in is accent, harsher than zemeni. It took Nikolai a second to identify it as a kerch accent.
That Kaz boy looked awfully young to attend college and it was the middle of the term too, but Nikolai decided not to ask.
"Well", Nikolai said, "Nice to meet you all, but…"
"We hoped you could maybe help us", Genya cut him off. "Kaz has a bad leg, so he can't really do much heavy lifting."
"Okay", Nikolai said, "Sure." Not where he'd seen his afternoon going, but definitely better than sitting in his room for the rest of the day.
He grabbed one of the boxes, which was surprisingly heavy.
"Zozo, can you take the two small ones over there?", he heard Nina ask. He turned towards her and saw that she was indeed talking to Zoya. He knew Genya sometimes called her Zoy, but Zozo? He couldn't help but grin. Then Zoya caught his gaze and for the first time in a few days, their eyes met. Nikolai felt like his heart skipped a beat, but then she scowled at him, reminding him that he wasn't going to do that anymore.

6

Zoya

Zoya had wanted to apologize to Nikolai. He hadn't been to the library all week and she was pretty sure that that was her fault. She'd acted like an asshole when he'd given her the necklace back and she knew it. She was still stunned by how easy it had felt to open up to him. She had wanted to talk to him, had wanted to tell him about herself, about her life, about Liliyana and how hard it had been to lose her aunt a year ago and that scared her, possibly more than she wanted to admit, so she had overreacted and been cruel to him.
She knew that, just a few weeks ago, she wouldn't have cared about hurting his feelings, wouldn't have cared that he didn't even look at her anymore, but since then, something had changed. She wasn't exactly sure what it was. Maybe had finally worn her walls down with his relentless wit and friendlyness or maybe it was the fact that she felt like he actually saw her. He'd known the necklace was hers and he'd known that it was important to her, despite her trying to hide it and that had made her feel… something. She still wasn't sure what kind of feeling it was or even if it was a good or a bad thing, but there had definitely been something.
It had taken her all week to gather up the courage to talk to him. She wasn't good at that kind of thing, at heartfelt conversations, at admitting she'd been wrong, but when Genya had roped him into helping with the move, she'd hoped that maybe, they'd get an opportunity to talk to each other. And then Nina had called her by that stupid nickname, and he'd looked at her and their eyes had met and she'd felt like she was falling. But then he'd smirked at her like a nickname that Nina had made up when she was eight was the funniest thing in the world and suddenly, all she could think of was that he really wasn't all that nice and didn't deserve an apology anyways.
So they'd continued to avoid each other. Not that Nikolai, who always got along with everyone had a hard time with this. He had even gotten the awful Brekker kid to talk to him and by the end of the day, they'd been engaged in a heated debate about Brekker's upcoming law classes. Nikolai had offered to switch to kerch, Brekker's native language, but Brekker, whose ravkan was mediocre at best, had insisted on sticking to ravkan so he could improve. Zoya had occasionally overheard Nikolai explain something to Brekker in kerch if he didn't understand. Zoya barely knew any kerch, but Nikolai seemed to have quite a firm grasp of the language, because of course he did. Seriously, was there anything he wasn't good at?
"So", Nina had asked her while they assembled a desk together, "Where did you find that Nikolai guy?"
"He's classmates with David and he just kind of decided to become friends with us", she'd replied, putting more annoyance in her voice than she actually felt. The last thing she needed right now was Nina thinking that there was something that really wasn't.
"He's nice", Nina remarked, "Even Kaz isn't that mean to him." That was a compliment, Zoya supposed.
"I honestly think he's annoying", Zoya said and surprised herself with how wrong those words felt. She found that she really didn't see him like that anymore.
"Really?", Nina asked incredulously, "Why?"
"He talks a lot", Zoya said defensively, trying to come up with all the reason she'd hated him when she had first met him, but she really couldn't think of anything anymore, "And that's annoying when you're trying to get work done."
Nina grinned. "Zozo, it wouldn't kill you to have fun every once in a while, you know that right?"
Zoya scoffed. "That is beside the point. Also, can you stop calling me Zozo, please?"
"No", Nina said, her grin growing wider, "No I don't think so. It's funny because every time I do, you look around to see if other people heard it. Genya knows and I know you don't give two shits about my friends, so I'm assuming it's Nikolai you don't want to hear. Which leads me to the assumption that you don't find him quite as annoying as you try to make it seem."
"I do care about your friends", Zoya protested.
Nina gave her a look, implying she knew that Zoya had deliberately switched topics, but she went along with it. "You think they're weird", she said accusingly, "You all do."
"Yeah", Zoya replied, "But, like, can you blame us? Look at them. Inej is sitting on top of the kitchen cabinets, Saints know how she even got up there. Jesper hasn't sat still for more than twenty seconds at a time since we've gotten here, that little ginger boy is turning the assembly instructions into cranes and Brekker doesn't even have to try to be weird. But that doesn't mean we don't care."
Nina had started to answer, but then Genya had called her over to help with something and she hadn't had a chance to talk to Nina again before they'd all left sometime later.

And so she hadn't apologized to Nikolai. Now she regretted it, but there really wasn't a lot she could do about it.
She hated how he was able to make her feel like this, not like herself at all. It was decidedly unlike her to spend this much time thinking about what someone else thought of her, was decidedly unlike her to feel her heart skip just a little when she looked at a certain pair of hazel eyes for too long and it was very much not like her to lie awake at night, replaying brief conversations in her head, thinking about where they could've led if she'd done something differently, said something else. Saints, she really needed to get him out of her system, somehow.
And so she ended up leaving her dorm room to go see a guy she'd found on Tinder while swiping right on guys who looked exactly like she liked them. No golden hair or hazel eyes in sight. She'd matched with him quickly and when she did, she had set her phone down to wait for him to message her. She was Zoya Nazyalensky, she didn't message first.
Genya merely raised an eyebrow when Zoya told her where she was going.
"Turn your location on, will you?", she asked. Zoya nodded and there was a sense of mutual understanding between them. Zoya was more than capable of defending herself, should one of her dates turn out to not be what she had expected, but Genya still insisted on looking out for her and Zoya was secretly thankful for it.
Another thing she was grateful for was how Genya simply acknowledged their differences, without making snide remarks about it, like others might have done. Genya was the kind of person who was made for love, she had always been, she loved David and she loved their moments together and the sum of all the big and small moments would forever be enough for her. Zoya was different. She liked seeing Genya happy, but she couldn't imagine herself living her life like that, much less imagine the kind of person she'd want to spend that kind of life with, a person that would love her just as much as David loved Genya. No, even if that person existed, Zoya could very much live without them, could spend her life just having fun, forever thrilled by the touch of strangers.

When she arrived at the guy's apartment, they only exchanged a few words and by the time Zoya was in his bed, her clothes on his floor, she'd already forgotten his name. All she wanted to do was to lay with him until she forgot everything else. Usually, it was easy for her to get lost in the pleasure of skin on skin, hands and lips touching her body, but today, something was different. Kisses that would've usually made her thrumming with tension, leaving her longing for more, felt empty and hollow. It was still fun, Zoya thoroughly enjoyed her evening, but it wasn't quite what she'd been looking for. She'd wanted to lose herself in his arms, but just for once, when she'd really needed it, she couldn't seem to manage to.

"Oh come on", Genya said the next Saturday evening, "It will be fun, I promise."
"I'm tired", Zoya complained, "I really don't feel like going out."
"But I don't want to go on my own, I barely know anyone there", Genya pouted.
"Lies", Zoya said lazily, "You know plenty of people and if you don't, you just get to know them."
Genya grinned. "Okay fine, but they're not you. They're not my best friend."
Zoya sat up. "Did you really just play the best friend card to get me to go to a party with you?"
"Depends", Genya laughed, "Is it working?"
"Yeah", Zoya sighed, "It is. But only if you do my makeup."
"Oh, absolutely. What are you going to wear?"
"Not sure…", Zoya had already started to rummage through her closet, "What about this?" She pulled out a midnight blue top, long sleeved, but mostly made from a very sheer fabric. She'd bought it a few months ago, but rarely worn since then.
"Hot", Genya said approvingly, "Wear that."
Zoya nodded, pulled out a short black skirt and held it up against the top. "Those go together, right?"
"Sure", Genya said, "You'll get cold though."
Zoya shrugged. "Don't really care. Gives me an excuse to go home early."
"Fair enough", Genya laughed.
When Zoya had changed, she sat down at Genya's small vanity while Genya pulled out her makeup kit.
"Shimmer or matte?", she asked, pointing at two shades of blue eyeshadow.
"Shimmer", Zoya said and closed one eye. Instead of using a brush to apply the powder, Genya simply used her tailor abilities to bleed the color onto Zoya's eyelids. It took a moment and a few adjustments until Genya was satisfied and she moved on to the rest of Zoya's makeup.
"Hair too?", she asked when she was done.
Zoya nodded. "If I'm putting in an effort anyways, I might as well go all out."
"That's the spirit", Genya said, while moving her fingers over Zoya's hair. Zoya didn't really understand how her friend did it, but by the end of it, her hair was glossy and bounced off her shoulders.
Zoya stood up, glanced into the mirror, and said: "Alright, let's go."

7

Nikolai

Since Nikolai avoided the library like the plague these days, he'd barely seen Genya all week, only stopping for the occasional chat in the hallways or the yard. He wasn't happy about it. He enjoyed talking to her and he was sorry that he had to stop spending time with her for the sake of getting over his stupid infatuation with Zoya. She'd tried asking what was wrong, but he had brushed her off, making up some excuse about having a lot of work. They both knew it was bullshit, but she hadn't pressed the issue and he was glad about it.
Now he was glad to meet her at the party she'd invited him to the week before, even if she'd brought Zoya along. Nikolai couldn't help but notice that she looked even more stunning than usual.
"You came!", Genya said after spotting him and gave him a quick hug.
Zoya just gave him a very tense smile, mumbled a "Hello" and then said to Genya: "I'm gonna go inside and get us drinks… Or whatever."
Genya looked after her. "She's been so weird lately", she said, "I really don't understand why she has such a big problem with you." She considered for a moment, then, very sweetly, she asked: "Nothing happened between the two of you, did it?"
Nikolai grinned. Two could play this game. If Genya wanted something to gossip about, he would give her something.
"Oh, wouldn't you like to know?", he asked and winked at her.
"I indeed would", Genya said, matching his tone, then she sighed. "Listen, I'm gonna go and find Zoya before she does anything stupid. See you later?"
"Sure", Nikolai nodded and headed inside, preferably to find something boozy.
It was a typical college party, plus the added chaos that tended to come with drunk Grisha. It smelled of kvas, the floor was sticky and the music too loud. Before long, Nikolai had spotted a group of people he knew and he joined them, just to immediately get handed a red plastic cup filled with was smelled like the cheapest kvas available. Not what he preferred, but he gulped it down anyways and went to fill his cup back up.
A while later, Nikolai's throat was sore from trying to talk to people over the way too loud music and he'd had enough kvas to make him feel pleasantly lightheaded. He decided to head outside for some air. While he walked through the house's garden, he pulled out his phone to see if he had missed any texts. There were two. One was from Genya, asking where he was, but that had been over half an hour ago and she hadn't followed up, so it probably wasn't anything important. The other one was from Vasily, reminding him about some important dinner in a few weeks' time. Exasperated, he plopped down on a bench to start typing up a response to his brother, when he heard a voice say: "Hey"
He turned around and there she was. Just his luck, he thought bitterly, he had managed to find the one bench that was already occupied by Zoya.
"It's alright", he said dryly while pocketing his phone, "I'm leaving."
"Don't", Zoya said. Had he thought he was over his silly little… whatever he was feeling for her? This one word was enough to show him that he definitely wasn't.
He turned towards her and as he did, he could feel his breath catching. He hadn't gotten a proper look at her earlier, but now he did. Neither her sheer little shirt nor her short skirt left much to the imagination and her hair somehow looked even softer than usually, while her red lipstick highlighted the curve of her lips. She was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her.
"What are you drinking?", he asked, pointing at the red cup she was holding.
"Lemonade", she said after a moment, "I don't really… drink."
"Huh", Nikolai said and then they just sat there for a bit, the silence between them slowly growing awkward.
"I-", she started after a while, then she cleared her throat, started again. "Listen, I owe you an apology."
Nikolai looked up, surprised. That was the last thing he'd expected from her.
Before he could say anything, she continued.
"I know I was awful to you and I'm really sorry about that. It's just that…", she took a deep breath, "I don't open up to other people very easily."
"Really", Nikolai said dryly, "I hadn't noticed that."
Zoya let out a nervous sounding little chuckle, which was enough to make Nikolai laugh, too. A little at least.
"I don't regret telling you", Zoya continued, "About… You know, my aunt and everything. I just regret how it happened. It was so fast, and I felt like I had no control over it and… Well, I guess I just freaked out a little."
Nikolai nodded. "Thank you for telling me."
"To be honest", Zoya said, "I was planning to apologize when we helped Brekker move in, but then I was busy and you were busy and… you know."
Nikolai smiled. "That was fun, though. I honestly look forward to seeing Kaz around more often. The kid's interesting and he's got brains."
"I don't like him much", Zoya admitted.
"Really, why?", Nikolai asked.
Zoya shrugged. "He's just not very pleasant to be around, I suppose. He never really talks, not to me at least, and if he does, he's straight up rude. Also, he always just glowers at people as if they just killed his puppy or something."
Nikolai couldn't help laughing. "That sounds like someone else I know."
Zoya went quiet for a moment and Nikolai was starting to think that he might have ruined the moment, but then she threw her head back and started laughing.
It occurred to Nikolai that he'd never heard her laugh properly before and he hadn't known what he'd been missing the entire time. It made his stomach churn a little and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to pull her close and to make her laugh again and again.
Saints, what was he thinking? Maybe he should've gone easier on the kvas.
"I thought you hated me", he admitted when they'd both stopped laughing.
"No", Zoya said, "Not at all, actually. I'm just not very good at showing that I care", she gave him a sort of half-smile.
"Well, I certainly noticed that", Nikolai winked at her, prompting her toll roll her eyes, and scooted a little towards her.
"Anyways", he said, "I think I'm gonna tell you something about myself now. To level the playing field."
Zoya chuckled. "That kind of sounds like a dumb idea but go ahead. I'm sure Genya will love the gossip."
"I don't like politics", Nikolai said, "I might have just stayed in the Navy if I could've chosen, or taken something more interesting, like law instead."
"Then why didn't you?", Zoya asked.
"My father. He has this vision of me and my brother becoming his successors, carrying the Lantsov legacy into the next generation or whatever. So it was either PoliSci or being cut off from the family. Not that he cares about me much either way, of course", he added, a bitter note creeping into his voice.
"Yeah", Zoya said, her gaze distant, "I feel that."
Nikolai didn't ask. Instead, he waited for her to continue.
"My father was Suli", she said after a while, "Is Suli, I suppose. I never really knew him though. He left when I was a few months old. I think he missed his family and felt a little trapped. My mother couldn't handle it when he left, so my aunt took me in."
"She raised you?", Nikolai asked.
Zoya nodded and it suddenly made a lot more sense why the necklace meant that much to her, why she'd looked so distraught when she'd talked about her aunt. "Well, until I was nine, at least. That's when I went to boarding school, but I obviously still saw her in the holidays, and we wrote letters and talked on the phone and… you know. I miss her", she added after a moment.
"I'm sorry", Nikolai said, but Zoya just shrugged. "It's alright. Those things happen."
She turned a little towards him and now, her knee was touching his. Nikolai didn't move and neither did she.
"I saw your brother on the news the other day", she said, obviously desperate to change the topic, "You look nothing like him."
Nikolai sighed. "Yeah, that is part of the problem, I think."
"Your father treats you like shit because you don't look like him?", Zoya asked incredulously.
"No he treats me like shit because he's probably not my father", Nikolai mumbled. He'd never said it out loud. It wasn't like it was some huge secret. His mother had been involved in cheating scandals before, so it wasn't a big leap by any means to assume that her son, who looked nothing like the rest of the family, might not be her husband's after all. But it still wasn't something he liked to talk about. Or think about, for that matter.
"Well", Zoya said dryly, "At least you're the hot sibling."
Nikolai couldn't help but laugh. "So you think I'm hot?", he asked.
"No", Zoya suddenly seemed to be very focused on her nails, "You're not my type."
"Really?", Nikolai grinned and lightly nudged her with his shoulder, "What is your type, then?"
"Oh, I'm sure you'd like to know", Zoya smirked back at him, but she didn't move, instead leaving her shoulder touching his and Nikolai suddenly became acutely aware of how close they were sitting. Her skin felt cool against his and by the look Zoya was giving him, eyes a little wider than usual, she'd just realized as well. Still, neither of them moved.
"Are you cold?", he asked, his voice sounding more breathless than he would've liked.
"Not at all", Zoya replied, her voice not much more than a whisper either. She looked down and as she did, a strand of her hair slipped out from behind her ear and fell over her face. Before Nikolai had even realized what he was doing, he had reached out and tucked the strand back behind me. Her hair really was as soft as it looked, he noticed distantly, his heart beating out of his chest, the tips of his fingers that still rested against her cheek tingling.
"Wildflowers", Nikolai said finally, "That's what you smell like. I couldn't figure it out for the longest time, but now I know what it is."
And then he kissed her.

Zoya went rigid beside him and a second later, she pulled away.
They just looked at each other for a moment, Nikolai's mind racing. Saints, this had been a mistake and he was sure he'd just ruined whatever chance of friendship they'd had with each other.
"If you're gonna kiss me, at least do it properly", Zoya mumbled, before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a deep kiss.
It felt as though time had stopped. Zoya's lips were soft, and he could taste the sugary acidic taste of her lemonade on them, could feel her hands tangling in his hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist, desperate to pull her closer, desperate to feel her.
He'd had no idea how badly he had wanted this, wanted her, before it was happening, but now he never wanted to stop kissing her ever again.
She parted her lips slightly and Nikolai felt like his entire body was thrumming with energy. He wanted nothing more than to lose himself in her smell, her touch, her lips, her hair falling over his shoulders. Still, he pulled away, placing another kiss on the lips, then kissing the corner of her mouth, moving down to her neck, covering her skin in kisses. He could hear her inhale sharply when he traced over the hollow of her throat with his lips. He moved his hands down from her waist, pushing up her shirt, running his hands over her skin.
That's when Zoya pushed him off. "No", she said, "No, please."
"I-", Nikolai started, but she just stood up, turned around and walked off, hair messy, shirt crumpled, leaving him feeling utterly unraveled.

8

Zoya

Zoya kept tossing and turning. She couldn't sleep. Not when she could still feel Nikolai's hands tracing over her skin, his lips on hers, her hands in his hair. Not when her heart was still beating so much faster than it should have. Not when the regret she'd started feeling immediately after pushing him away was still gnawing at her and definitely not when all she wanted was to kiss him again and again and never stop.
Saints, she'd had hooked up with plenty of guys at plenty of parties and barely spared them a thought afterwards. Why did it have to be different this time? And why, of all people, had it to be Nikolai who made it feel different?
Frustrated, Zoya turned onto her side. If she thought about it enough, she'd probably realize why kissing Nikolai felt so distinctly different than kissing anyone else, but that was a conclusion she frankly didn't want to come to.
"Zoya!", Genya suddenly said, her voice annoyed. Zoya startled. She hadn't realized Genya was awake.
"Sorry", she mumbled, "I'll quiet down."
"What's the matter with you?", Genya asked back, her voice now more sleepy than annoyed.
Zoya hesitated. She knew that this was the type of thing Genya would want to know about, but she wasn't so sure if she was ready to talk about it just yet. Not when she was still figuring it out herself.
"Nikolai kissed me", she finally admitted, because she felt like her head would explode if she didn't tell someone.
Zoya had expected Genya to be shocked or at least surprised, but Genya just said: "Oh did he now? Well, better late than never."
"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?", Zoya asked, her temper rising. How could Genya dismiss this so easily when she herself couldn't stop thinking about it?
"He's crazy about you", Genya said very matter-of-factly, "And no matter how much you like to pretend otherwise, I know you don't hate him either, so it really was just a matter of time before the two of you stopped being idiots, wasn't it?"
"It's not that easy", Zoya said, frustrated.
Genya sighed. "It literally is. He likes you, you like him, you guys kissed and I'm assuming you both enjoyed it? Unless he's a horrible kisser, of course. He isn't, is he?"
"No", Zoya mumbled, "He's not."
"See", Genya said, "I don't get why you're all worked up about it."
"I don't even like him like that", Zoya argued, "He's nice, sure, and alright looking and a damn good kisser, but that doesn't mean…"
"Oh, please", Genya cut her off, "We both know that's not true." And maybe Zoya really did know but admitting it to herself was a whole different story.
"I pushed him off", Zoya confessed instead, "When we were kissing. He was, like, starting to feel me up and… I didn't like that, so I kind of pushed him off and ran off."
"Zoya", Genya groaned, "Why would you do that?"
"I didn't like it", Zoya repeated defensively, "What else was I supposed to do?" It wasn't even true, not really. She had liked it, saints, she could still feel her skin tingling where his hands had been. It had all just felt like a little too much a little too fast.
"Oh, I don't know", Genya said her voice basically dripping with sarcasm, "Tell him how you were feeling, maybe? You know, communication?"
Zoya felt her face heat up. Genya was right. She'd been an asshole. Again.
"And what if he doesn't like me?", she asked quietly, "What if just thinks I'm pretty but nothing more?"
"Zoy, I'm not a mind reader", Genya said. She sounded slightly exasperated. "I think he likes you for a lot more than just your looks, but you're obviously not going to listen to me, are you? I can't help you here, you need to talk this out with him, not me."
"Hmph", Zoya mumbled and Genya laughed.
"It wouldn't kill you to tell me I'm right, you know?"
"You never know", Zoya grumbled, "It just might."
Genya scoffed. "Alright, goodnight Zoya."

"Have you texted him yet?", Genya asked, probably for the hundredth time.
"No!", Zoya snapped, "And I'm not gonna do it any faster if you keep annoying me. What am I even supposed to say?"
"It doesn't matter", Genya groaned, "Zoya, it really, really doesn't. If this means even half as much to him as it very obviously does to you then it doesn't fucking matter what you text him. He's probably just waiting to hear literally anything from you."
"Why do I even take dating advice from you?", Zoya grumbled, "You've been with the same guy since you were, what, fifteen?"
"And I'm still with him", Genya reminded her, "So I'm obviously doing something right."
Zoya knew she was making this more difficult than it needed to be. For herself, for Genya and definitely for Nikolai. But she couldn't help it that she felt like throwing up every time she even so much as thought about texting him.
"You know", Genya noted dryly, "If someone had told me like a month ago that some guy would turn my confident, snarky, headstrong best friend into an anxious mess at a loss for words, I would've thought they were mad. And yet here we are."
"I'm not a mess", Zoya protested half-heartedly, even though she most definitely felt like one.
Genya just laughed, then she said: "I swear to all the saints, if you don't text him within the next few minutes, I will take your phone from you and fucking do it myself."
"Alright, chill, for fuck's sake I'll do it", Zoya pulled her phone up, opened the blank chat with Nikolai and let her fingers hover over the keyboard.
I'm sorry for what happened
No, too forward. And it also sounded like she regretted kissing him. She didn't.
Can we talk?
Nope. That sounded way too serious.
Can we meet up?
That worked. Maybe.
Before she could overthink it, she pressed send and the threw her phone onto her bed.
"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?", Genya asked.
Zoya was about to reply something when her phone buzzed. Her stomach clenched.
She picked her phone up and stared at Nikolai's reply.
Like a date? 😉
Saints, was there anything this boy could take seriously? Apparently not. Still, her heart fluttered just looking at the message.
"Lemme see", Genya demanded, while sitting down next to Zoya. Zoya showed her the short message thread. Genya chuckled. "You obviously didn't scare him off, so that's that."
"And how am I supposed to respond to that?"
Genya rolled her eyes. "Do you want to go on a date with him?"
"Yes?", she said uncertainly.
"Then tell him that", Genya said, "Although, now that I think about it, if your entire relationship is going to be like that then I don't think I really want to set two of you up. For the sake of my own sanity."
With a dramatic sigh, Zoya typed Sure and hit send.
Nikolai's response appeared almost immediately.
Great! Little Palace coffee shop? In an hour?
Zoya stared down at her phone, puzzled.
"How did he know?", she asked.
"That that's your favorite coffee shop?", Genya asked back, "Well, if had to take a wild guess then I'd say it's because you carry around a cup with their logo on it every other day. By the way, the fact that he noticed and remembered that should probably tell you that he doesn't just like you for your looks. Oh, and he also asked me what kind of tea you like, like, weeks ago."
"He did?" Zoya had appreciated the gesture when she'd thought he really was just good at guessing, but somehow, the fact that he'd gone out of his way to find out what she liked made it all the more special.
"Why?", she asked, burying her face in her hands, "Why is he so cute?"
"Oh", Genya giggled, "That sounded very different last night. Look at me", she continued, doing a, in Zoya's opinion, very poor impression of her voice, "I'm Zoya Nazyalensky and I don't fall in love and I'm definitely not in love with Nikolai."
"I'm not." Zoya didn't even know why she was still denying it. She'd always known that she would fall in love someday, probably, but knowing it really hadn't prepared her for how utterly confusing the whole thing was, how stupid it made her feel. But then again, it hadn't prepared her for how good it felt either. The strange little flutter her heart made every time she saw him, the tension every time their eyes met and then the kissing. Saints, the kissing. Zoya enjoyed kissing guys, but not a single one of them measured up to Nikolai, to his lips, his arms around her waist, holding her tight, his warmth, his smell. Not when even thinking about it made her heart race all over again.

Sounds good she replied.
Zoya exhaled. "Ok so um… I guess I'm meeting him in an hour", she said.
"Great", Genya said, "Listen, you know what you're not gonna do, right?"
Zoya gave her a confused look.
"What you're not gonna do is wall off or worse, run off when anything relating to feelings comes up, yeah?"
Zoya sighed. "I'll try my best."
"You better do." Genya scooted over and leaned her head against Zoya's shoulder. "I'm happy for you", she said quietly, "I really am, and I hope it works out between the two of you."
"Thank you", Zoya said and leaned her head against Genya's for a second, before jumping back up.
"What am I gonna wear? Genya help."

When Zoya arrived at the coffee shop an hour later. She felt surprisingly calm, considering what she was about to do. If she didn't think about it too hard, it almost felt like just another day with her getting just another cup of tea at her favorite coffee shop.
Nikolai wasn't there yet, but, almost like clockwork, her phone went off a moment later.
Sorry, running a couple of minutes later, then, almost immediately, a second message: I'm not ditching you, I promise.
You better not
, Zoya replied with a grin.
Nikolai showed up a few minutes later, jacket loosely thrown over one shoulder, phone in the other hand, brows furrowed. It was a nice day, so of course the sun had to make his hair gleam like gold. He gave her a wide smile from afar and if Zoya hadn't been nervous before, she definitely was now.
"Vasily, I'm hanging up now", she heard him say when he came into earshot, "Yes, because I am busy, believe it or not. Saints, yes tell dad I'm coming to his stupid function, bye"
"Hey", he gave her another smile, "Sorry about that."
"No problem", Zoya said, "Family trouble?"
Nikolai rolled his eyes while haphazardly stuffing his phone into his pocket. "Can we talk about something else, please?"
Sure, how about I haven't stopped thinking about you for a second since last night, Zoya thought, how about I can't look at your mouth without imagining how it felt on my neck.
"Do you want to go inside?", she asked instead.
Nikolai nodded. "I'd kill for a good coffee right now."
Apparently he'd gotten about as much sleep as she had last night. Zoya found the thought strangely comforting.
"A latte with an extra espresso shot for me and a chai for her", Nikolai ordered when they came up to the counter, before glancing at her. "Chai's good, right?"
"Yeah, thanks." Zoya nodded. He still remembered.
"My dad is having this big function in a few weeks and I really don't wanna go", Nikolai explained as the sat down at a table by the window that looked out onto Os Alta's marketplace, "Saints know why he wants me there. Publicity, I assume. It's gonna be insanely boring and I have so much coursework too."
"I thought you didn't want to talk about it", Zoya teased him, secretly grateful for the opportunity to drag out the inevitable just a little longer, thankful to be able to just slip back into old patterns with him.
"I didn't", Nikolai sighed, "I don't. They just annoy me."
"Hm", Zoya said before taking a sip of her chai and instantly regretting it as it scorched her tongue.
"So, um", Nikolai said after a moment, "I'm guessing you didn't ask me here to talk about my father."
"No", Zoya said, her heart speeding up once again, "Er-"
"Last night", Nikolai prompted.
Zoya nodded slowly. "Last night… happened."
"I'm sorry", Nikolai said, "I realize you weren't comfortable, I should've… asked or something."
"And I shouldn't have run off", Zoya admitted, looking down at the table, "I'm, uh, still figuring this whole thing out." How was she supposed to explain this? Explain that, while she usually enjoyed being desired, for once, she didn't like the idea of him wanting her simply for her body, for easy kisses and long nights?
"What thing?", Nikolai asked, his tone shifting from earnestly to amused.
"Yknow", Zoya mumbled in a non-committing way. She looked up at him. "Your eyes look really nice in this light, by the way", she said.
"Thank you", Nikolai give her a wide smile and she could've sworn he blushed a little. "I'd compliment you too, but I'm sure you already know just how stunning you are", he paused before he added, more quietly this time, "But then, if I were to compliment you anyways, I'd probably tell you how wonderfully your hair frames your face and how beautiful your eyes look, like the sky just before dusk."
Zoya couldn't help but smile. Nikolai and his damned way with words.
He reached across the table, lightly touching her fingers with his. "I'd tell you how much I like you."
"You barely know me", Zoya blurted out, finally saying out loud what she'd been thinking about all day. How could he like her for who she was if he didn't know her?
Nikolai's eyes went wide with surprise. "But I do", he said softly, "Zoya, I do know you."
The way he said her name, hearing it out of his mouth for the first time sent a pleasant shiver down her spine.
"I know you're brave and smart and strong, you're confident, you know what you want. I know that you might not always be kind, but you still deeply care for people. I know that you prefer tea over coffee, I know that you play with your hair when you're focused, I know that you have your favorite things, like your necklace and your bracelet with the little bone charms and your blue ribbon. I know that you're incredibly proud of all your accomplishments, proud to be Grisha."
Zoya swallowed hard. Just thinking about how he'd noticed all these things about her made a strange, warm happiness bubble up inside her. She let her fingers slide over Nikolai's, their hands resting on top of each other now.
"So I guess what I'm saying", Nikolai continued with a smile, "Is that I might not know every little thing there is to know about you, but I really don't need to to know just how much I like you and how much I want to learn more about you."
"Maybe you do know me a little bit better than I would've though", Zoya conceded with a smile. "And… Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I do really, really like you too."
She felt like she wasn't only admitting this to Nikolai, but by saying it out loud for the first time, it almost felt like was admitting it to herself, admitting that her feelings were real, that this wasn't just some little crush that would wear away with time. This was the real.
"So", Nikolai said and flipped his hand underneath hers so that he could interlace his fingers with hers, "What do you say? Do we give this a shot?"
Zoya nodded. "Just…", Saints, this was embarrassing, "Nikolai, would you mind it if we… went slow with… all the physical stuff? I just want to make sure that…"
"Hey, you don't have to explain or justify it", Nikolai said, "Just tell me if you're not comfortable with something, I'll do the same and we'll figure it out from there, okay?"
"Yeah, cool", Zoya said lamely. How did he manage to make this all feel so uncomplicated? Maybe it really just was that easy.

"So you're going to your dad's… whatever?", Zoya asked a while later when they were walking across the campus, back to the dorms. She had her hand in his, his lighter, always warm skin somehow the perfect match for her darker, perpetually cool hands. Zoya was still surprised how right it all felt, just walking across the school grounds, holding hands with the boy that had somehow managed to steal her heart.
"Yeah", Nikolai said, "It's just about him getting reelected for the council and it will obviously look better if we all play happy family for the press."
"I'm sorry", Zoya said, "I'm sure that sucks."
Nikolai shrugged. "I'll be fine. I guess. Anyways…", they had reached Zoya's dorm and Nikolai smiled.
"Hey, I really enjoyed today."
"Me too", she said, "Um, well, see you around, I guess?"
"Oh you won't get rid of me that easily", Nikolai said with a wink, "We'll definitely see each other around."
"I mean I would hope so", Zoya countered, "Otherwise I'd have to assume you didn't mean all the nice things you said today."
"I can assure you that I most certainly did", Nikolai squeezed her hand a little, before letting go of it. He'd already half turned to leave when he turned back towards her.
"Zoya?", he asked.
"Hm?"
"I really, really want to kiss you right now."
"By all means", Zoya said, a smile spreading on her face, "Go ahead."