Hello nerds! 'Tis I, the author. (No, not that author.) You can call me Captain Party. First off, I'd like to introduce my new co-writer, Alexander_Black_13 on AO3. Would you like to say a few words?
Hey, I'm author #2, but y'all can call me Dorian. I figured I'd cross post and help with editing but most credit goes to her. I'm a little less family friendly so you may get some weird outtakes of us arguing in the notes. Mostly for comedy, but you never know. Enjoy the next 24 hours like they're your last because they may be, Dorian.
Captain Party here again and I'd like to thank everyone for the support I've gotten this early on. You're all amazing! Additionally, I'd like to ask an important question. Got any theme song ideas?
Peace out, losers!
!uoy gnihctaw eb ll'I
Sideshow Stuck
"So," Bill said, laying across several slick black chairs, grinning. "Who wants to check out that backroom?"
"No thanks," Kill rolled his eyes. "I'm not interested in no-clipping through reality."
Bill got up and smacked Kill upside the head.
"The backroom, not The Backrooms, nerd." Bill said.
"Uncle Ax told us not to go back there…" Will bit his lip.
"Come on!" Bill said. "I bet he's hiding something stupid back there, like a stack of Gold Chains for Old Men magazines."
"Isn't that the magazine you're always stealing from the store?" Kill grinned.
"No, it is not!" Bill's face went beet red.
"It is too," Kill said.
Will walked away smiling as his brothers bickered. At least they couldn't get into any trouble this way. Right?
A week later, their uncle was out and Bill crept silently through the Seer's Citadel. Stealth was a skill he'd perfected raiding the pantry back home.
He approached the door to the backroom, and jiggled the handle. It was locked.
"What are you doing?"
Bill turned around to see Kill, sharpening his pocket knife.
"Nothing!" Bill said quickly. He groaned internally that he couldn't think of a clever excuse.
"Nothing?" Kill raised an eyebrow.
Bill chuckled.
"Come on!" Bill said. "Aren't you the least bit curious at what's in the backroom?"
"Of course I am!" Kill smiled, holding out his pocket knife for Bill to grab. "Why do you think I came over here to check on you?"
Bill grinned back and took the pocket knife from Kill, using it to pick the lock on the backroom.
The door unlocked with a click and the two boys opened the door.
The backroom was dark, with a dim flickering lightbulb overhead. It was dustier than the rest of the citadel, and one object stood out due to its lack of dust. A journal with a gold triangle and the number four on the cover.
"Woah." Bill inspected the journal. "What's this?"
Kill wasn't listening but instead grinning maliciously at a device that looked like a laser gun.
Bill and Kill heard footsteps outside- and unsure if it was their uncle or their brother, they dashed out of the backroom and closed the door behind him.
The two leaned inconspicuously against the wall, Bill shoving the book behind himself and Kill shoving the laser gun he'd stolen into his pocket.
Uncle Ax walked up to the boys with an eyebrow raised.
"What are you two doing here?" Uncle Ax studied the boys as Bill tucked the book further behind himself.
"Oh," Bill said, putting on his best impression of Will to sound more convincing. "I dropped a dollar under the door and we were waiting for you to come back and get it."
"I see…" Uncle Ax said thoughtfully.
It was then that Bill noticed the bag Uncle Ax was carrying. He could see batteries through its thin plastic.
"What do you need those for?" Bill asked, dropping his act. "The energizer bunny?"
"Molecular destabilizer…" Uncle Ax muttered, rubbing the bags under his eyes.
Kill flinched.
The doorbell rang.
"That'll be for me." Kill grunted, pushing past Uncle Ax.
"Who-?" Bill said, following his brother.
Kill opened the door to reveal a girl in a black hoodie with twigs poking out of her hair. Her entire body was limp, as if it was ready to fall apart.
"Guys, this is my friend- what'd you say your name was again?" Kill said.
"Regular… FEMALE!" The girl screeched.
"She means Regina, right?" Will said, entering the room frowning.
"No, she said her name was 'Regular female'. How thick-skulled can you get?" Kill snapped.
Will sulked, causing Kill to flinch. Bill glared at Kill.
"Listen, I didn't mean it like that, okay?" Kill grumbled.
"Anyways, me and Regular Female are gonna go vandalize the water tower with that dude from the gift shop. What's his name?"
He looked back at 'Regular Female' who was reaching for his head, only to pick a bug out of his hair and throw it to the ground. She shrugged.
"See you this evening," Kill grunted and he and his friend walked out of the door.
"Well, that was suspicious." Bill laughed.
"At least he's making friends." Will sighed.
The triplets' room was spacious and nearly empty- which Will kept saying meant they had more room to personalize, but Bill just rolled his eyes with a chuckle.
It was after the third time Will said this- likely trying to reassure himself- that Bill remembered the journal.
Pulling it out, Bill examined the cover. It was old and he hadn't seen it in the giftshop, so he figured it was some merchandise his uncle discontinued.
But opening it up to a random page, a shiver ran down Bill's spine.
The book was open to a page titled 'The Hide-Behind' and Bill remembered the bus ride there. He had glimpsed something on the bus ride there. Was this it?
Bill shook his head with a laugh and flipped through the rest of the pages.
"So, the supernatural," Bill turned to his brother. "Real: yea or nay?"
"Yea, I guess." Will shrugged.
"I'm sorry," Bill blinked. "What?"
"W-well," Will stuttered. "You know what they say; anything is possible."
"I guess so…" Bill said, refocusing on the journal.
Later that night…
"I've got it! I've got it!" Bill came running down the stairs to where Will was drawing.
"Got what?" Will looked up.
"What do you think?" Bill rolled his eyes. "The measles?"
Will sighed and looked up at his brother from where he was sitting.
"I've figured out this 'Regular Female'." Bill muttered, flipping to a page in the journal without looking.
"The Undead?" Will said, reading the page.
"Wrong page." Bill said, turning the pages more deliberately this time.
"Gnomes?" Will said, his eyebrows raising.
"Exactly!" Bill pounded his fist on the table. "It says here they conglomerate into a human form to trick newcomers to the town into becoming their king or queen. I don't know what conglomerate means but-"
"How exactly-" Will squinted.
"Think about it, 'Regular Female' looked limp- because she's a bunch of gnomes!"
"I guess that kinda makes-" Will started.
"Has Kill come back yet?" Bill asked.
"No…" Will's face grew concerned.
Bill started laughing dementedly.
"Bill? Bill?!" Will grabbed his brother's arm and shook it.
"Well," Bill said, still laughing. "We just lost our brother to a bunch of gnomes!"
"Come on Bill!" Will said. "We can't give up on him!"
Slowly, Bill stopped laughing.
"You're right." Bill gulped.
Bill headed for the door and Will followed him.
The woods were dark. Will shivered as he and Bill raced through them. Will tried to tell himself Kill was capable of handling himself- but what good would that be against hundreds of gnomes?
As they entered a clearing, Kill and 'Regular Female' came into view.
"What's up guys?" Kill said. "We're just on our way back from the water tower-"
"Your girlfriend is a bunch of gnomes trying to make you their king." Bill interrupted, arms crossed.
"She's not my girlfriend-" Kill started, seething, before a look of confusion came over his face. "And, what?!"
"You heard me," Bill shouted. "She's a bunch of gnomes stacked on top of each other!"
"Well," Kill growled. "Somebody's jealous."
"No, Kill, please listen to him," Will's eyes were wide and watery. "There's something up with her."
"I really didn't think you two were this petty!" Kill snapped. "Just because you two haven't made any friends yet-"
"Kill, listen to me!" Bill barked.
"You know what?" Kill said. "I can prove you're wrong. Regular Female, take off your hoodie."
'Regular Female' shook her head.
"See?" Bill said. "That just proves I'm right!"
"Kill, please just step away from her." Will pleaded. "Just until we know she's absolutely safe."
"Fine, I'll prove it myself!" Kill said, and with that he tore off 'Regular Female's' hoodie- revealing rotting flesh under the sleeves of a short sleeved shirt.
"Ugh!" Kill backed up a step and tripped on a tree root. He landed on his back, leaves crunching underneath him. When he looked up, 'Regular Female' was looming over him.
He yelped and rolled to the side just as she swatted at him.
Kill whipped out his pocket knife and stabbed the undead girl in the gut.
She backed up with a growl but charged him again as if nothing had happened.
Kill was able to hold the undead girl at arms' length long enough to stand up and start running into the forest, stabbing the air behind him to keep 'Regular Female' away.
"Quick!" Bill said. "After him!"
Bill raced after Kill, followed by Will who flinched as branches displaced by his brother hit him in the face.
Bill flipped open the journal frantically, scanning its pages for the entry on the undead.
"Here it is," Bill sighed, scanning the weakness section. "Let's see… Known weaknesses: perfect three part harmony-"
"Ew!" Kill shouted from up ahead. "We are not doing that!"
"Okay…" Bill said. "It also says a molecular… destabilizer should do the trick?"
"You mean this thing?" Kill whipped out the laser gun he'd pilfered from the backroom.
"Fire already!" Will screeched as the zombie gained on Kill.
Ignoring the urgency of the situation, Kill aimed carefully. Gritting his teeth, he fired.
Sparks came from the molecular destabilizer but it didn't fire.
"Damn broken thing…" Kill grunted, hitting the side of the device.
Kill fired again and this time a beam of light hit 'Regular Female', creating an explosion of light that sent the triplets flying backwards.
When the light finally cleared, all that remained of the undead girl was a pile of blackened dust.
"Well," Bill laughed. "That was probably radioactive."
As the triplets approached the Seer's Citadel, there was a rustling in the neat hedges. Will grabbed onto Kill's arm, mouth falling open, ready to scream.
Slowly, a figure rose from the hedges- and as it whipped out a flashlight Will screeched.
"It's just me." The figure sighed, turning its flashlight on itself to reveal their Uncle Ax.
Will let go of Kill's arm- and even though they'd never admit it, all three boys let out a sigh of relief.
"Have you boys seen my-" Uncle Ax spotted the laser gun in Kill's hands and snatched it away from him. "Never scare me like that again! This is highly dangerous equipment!"
Kill rolled his eyes at the word 'equipment'. It seemed his uncle underestimated the molecular destabilizer's potential as a weapon.
"So what have you boys been up to?"
"Nothing," The triplets grunted in unison, trudging inside.
Their uncle's brow creased with concern.
"Hey, I got you boys some stuff." Uncle Ax said, following them inside.
The boys perked up a little.
"Yeah," Uncle Ax said with a smile, rifling through a drawer for the gifts.
"We have-" Uncle Ax pulled out what he'd thought was a pair of drum sticks. Instead it was a hunting knife. Where had he even gotten this?
"Oh, Uncle Ax, you shouldn't have!" Kill grabbed the knife grinning madly.
"At least take this knife sheath." Uncle Ax sighed, holding out a sheath.
Kill took the sheath and practically skipped off.
"Next we have something for Bill." Uncle Ax pulled out a top hat and a deck of cards. "They're for doing magic."
"Finally, an excuse to pick pockets!" Bill said.
Uncle Ax frowned.
"I mean, thanks Uncle Ax." Bill winced.
"And for Will…" Uncle Ax pulled a box of colorful pens out of the drawer. "I heard you like drawing."
Will smiled and went to say something, only to stop, looking deep in thought.
"Uncle Ax?" Will said.
"Yeah?" Uncle Ax said.
"I'm allowed to draw on my arms, right?" Will blushed.
"Of course!" Uncle Ax smiled. "I think they're non-toxic."
"Thanks!" Will said and pranced off.
Uncle Ax smiled and yawned. It was late.
He walked into the backroom and pressed a button on the side of a filing cabinet. Slowly, the filing cabinet swung forward and, taking one last glance behind himself, he walked down the flight of stairs that had been hiding behind it
Captain Party: I may combine chapters 1 and 2 at a later date, but you guys let me know if you think I should.
