=Normal POV=
[Wednesday, 4/18/2018; 6:20 pm]
[Berk; Jorgenson Home]
It hadn't been long since Hayden's little freak out, or taking his pill. The rocking had ceased, and there was only a little shaking now. Hayden kept his head down, arms wrapped around his legs which were pulled up to his chest.
"I didn't mean to upset him," Gabriel sighed.
"You were only trying to help, Gabriel. But I guess something will take more time," Felicia informed.
"Certainly. With more time and healing, Hayden may come around to doing the things he once loved," Silas added.
"Still," Gabriel sighed. The group were sitting around the basement with soda, juice, chips, and pizza; nobody wanted to take their eyes off Hayden when he was in this state of mind as it were. "I shouldn't have pushed him," he added finally.
"He does need to eat something, though. The pills are supposed to be taken with food, or he's gonna get nauseous," Felicia mentioned. Trayden grabbed a slice of bacon and beef pizza, setting in on a plate and then getting a water bottle before getting up and moving into Hayden's room quietly since the curtain was open. Hayden set the pizza on Hayden's nightstand with the drink and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey, it's alright, Hayden," Trayden said gently as he sat on the bed now. "No one is going to make you do anything you don't want to, okay? It's all good if you don't want to or can't sing anymore. For what it's worth; I think you can, but you can only do something if you believe in yourself,"
"I-I know I can, Tray…But at the same time, I can't…If that makes sense," Hayden mumbled a bit. The others were a bit surprised. How did Trayden have such an easy time getting responses?! Then again, Trayden told them earlier upon arriving that if they watched tonight; they would see what Trayden does to engage Hayden in conversation.
"You know you have the ability to, but feel like you can't because something is holding you back?" Trayden asked. Hayden managed a nod. "Hayden, I think the only thing keeping you from doing it is yourself. The last time you ever sang was at your 10th grade talent show and have that memory with your folks. But now they're gone, and you feel like you can't do any of the things you did before they passed away; that there's just no drive anymore,"
"I guess that's one way to put it…" Hayden mumbled.
"How would you explain it then?" Trayden inquired softly.
"It hurts. It's painful to do those things," Hayden kept his head down, but his eyes showed and looking at Trayden.
"I can imagine that it does, but that's because you're still holding everything inside, my friend. Tell me, all those songs you did in the talent show at Archian Prep…Why'd you chose those songs?" Trayden wondered.
"Guess…They were just how I felt during life at the time," Hayden shrugged a little.
"So you sang according to your mood?" Trayden pushed as Hayden nodded. "And did it help convey the message to others and make you feel better?" Another nod. "What if you did something now about how you feel? Sing about your emotions now, and it will probably hurt…But you might feel better afterward,"
"I-I don't want to," Hayden held himself tighter. "I only know a few songs for how I'm feeling right now, and I'm pretty sure they could land me back in the mental hospital," Hayden mumbled.
"Not likely, Hayden. First off, you can't be admitted anymore unless you feel like you need it, you're an immediate threat to yourself and others, or your psychiatrist orders it due to him feeling like you may harm yourself if left alone. Secondly, you're not alone and we're here to help you. Thirdly, I don't think you really want to end your life; you just want any way out of all the pain and back then…That was the only thing you had with everything going on," Trayden stated gently. "Am I right?"
"There was no way out in all those homes…And after the last one…" Hayden held himself again.
"I know, I remember. You told me, remember?" Trayden smiled a little. "But you are out now," Hayden looked at him again. "You got away from all that, thanks to your Godfather getting you with family. It would have been sooner, but things got a little messed up because of the fight your dad and Uncle Silas were having that lasted 9 or so years," he added. "But you're safe now, and no one here is going to hurt you. There's no reason for you to try and escape to be safe by means of death,"
"True…" Hayden agreed, seeing what Trayden meant. "I don't want to die…I just want to stop feeling the way I do," he closed his eyes.
"That will come with time and healing, Hayden. But I can promise you now that holding everything inside makes it take longer. Your family, and friends here want to help, but we can't if we don't know what has happened to make you feel this way. We can't provide a distraction or advice if we don't know the problem. You can't heal if you don't let it out. If you aren't ready to talk to anyone, that's okay, but find another outlet for the pain that helps take it away for a bit. You said music helped, so sing something," Trayden told him.
Hayden seemed nervous so Trayden moved to be sitting in front of Hayden, blocking his view from the others. "See, now it's just us; like last time," Trayden informed lightly. "Sing, anything you want," he said. "But get out how you feel," he added.
Hayden sighed. "C-Can you…Hold me like l-last time?"
"I can do whatever you want provided it's legal," Trayden replied. Hayden let go of his legs as Trayden and Hayden sat on the edge of the bed like it had been in the gym as Trayden pulled Hayden into his arms, rubbing his arm a bit. "See, safe and secure, as I promised you would be with me as your friend,"
Hayden took a deep breath as he scrolled through the music on his phone, tapping something and letting it start. "How long must I pray, must I pray to you? How long must I wait, must I wait for you? How long until I see your face; see you shining through? I'm on my knees, begging you to notice me. I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?" Hayden started.
"One tear in the dropping rain. One voice in a sea of pain. Could the maker of the stars, hear the sound of my breaking heart. One life is all I am. Right now I can barely stand. If you're everything you say you are, would you come close and hold my heart?" the music softened a little.
"I have been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes. So much can slip away before I say goodbye. But if there's no other way; I'm done asking why. Cause I'm on my knees, begging you turn to me. I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me. Yeah!" Hayden sang out. Trayden didn't say anything, just continued to hold him because he could feel Hayden shaking and his voice cracking due to oncoming tears. However, Hayden's voice as far as singing went never faltered.
The others were a bit shocked. Once again, how in the name of Odin did Trayden manage something that not even Hayden's Godfather, Gabriel could do? Or maybe Trayden just knew exactly what to say to help make Hayden feel better. But this holding Hayden thing was new to them, and somehow Trayden knew that Hayden might give in if he felt they were alone. What last time did Trayden mean?
"One tear in the dropping rain. One voice in a sea of pain. Could the maker of the stars, hear the sound of my breaking heart. One life is all I am. Right now I can barely stand. If you're everything you say you are, would you come close and hold my heart?" Hayden continued; he really did sing with raw emotion.
"So many questions without answers; your promises remain. I can't see, but I'll take my chances to hear you call my name. To hear you call my name…" Hayden took a breath. "One tear in the dropping rain. One voice in a sea of pain. Could the maker of the stars, hear the sound of my breaking heart. One life is all I am. Right now I can barely stand. If you're everything you say you are, would you come close and hold my heart? Hold my heart. Could you hold my heart? Hold my heart…"
The song ended as Trayden tapped the phone screen so another wouldn't play. Hayden lowered his head more as Trayden pulled him in tighter; Hayden turned his head into Trayden's chest, gripping his shirt and crying. Trayden rubbed Hayden's back now. "Ssh, it's okay," he comforted. It was just like at Trayden's birthday party; Trayden letting Hayden cry it out and be held by him; it had to be a comfort thing because Hayden didn't let anyone else just hold him when he cried, well, except for Gabriel that day in school.
"It's the one thing that confuses me…" Syrus mumbled. "Nobody else can get away with that,"
"Hayden obviously trusts and feel comfort with Trayden," Miya mentioned. "He knew what to say and do to help Hayden conquer whatever it was he was facing," she added. "And whenever that part of things is over, Hayden cries and recognizes Trayden as someone he can trust and feel safe with, be comforted by,"
Trayden heard everything they said, but he didn't care. He and Hayden were close because Trayden has been there for him since Hayden started at Berk High. Plus there was the whole Olivia thing that only Miya, Silas, Felicia, Syrus, and Alicia knew about. Trayden wasn't sure of Gabriel knew, but it was likely that the Jorgensons filled him in. The friends did not know and that is because Hayden asked Trayden not to say anything, so Trayden would break Hayden's trust. And that is why Trayden wouldn't let Syrus and Alicia say anything the night of the birthday party.
"I-I'm s-sorry…" Hayden whimpered, wiping his eyes.
"What for? Crying on me? Hayden, you can do it as much as you want if it helps you. True friends are anything you need them to be," Trayden replied gently as Hayden pulled off of him, sniffling and trying to dry his eyes from more tears coming forward. "Do you feel any better?" he asked. Hayden nodded to him slowly. "I told you that you would. When you gonna start trusting me?" he chuckled.
Hayden took a breath. "I think I just started to," he said as Trayden looked at him. "Thank you, Tray,"
"You're welcome, and like I said…I'm here for you any time for anything," Trayden responded. "That was a great song. Was it…God-related by chance?" Hayden nodded to him. "I like it," he smiled. "A lot of people look to the Gods for some kind of comfort after losing loved ones,"
"Does it work?" Hayden asked.
"Of course. You get all the love and support and you need from friends and family around you that Odin put there," Trayden informed. Hayden moved in again and hugged Trayden tightly.
"Thank you," Hayden said.
"Hey. Anywhere, anytime, anything; count me in," Trayden told Hayden lightly, hugging him back. "Now, eat something so you don't end up sick from your pills," he handed Hayden the piece of pizza. "I know that's your favorite kind because you told me so," he added with a smile. "And then get your deck because you still owe me a duel,"
"I do, don't I?" Hayden smiled a bit as he took the pizza and bit a piece off. After swallowing, he smiled more. "You know that line you just said were lyrics to a song, don't you?" he asked.
"They were?" Trayden blinked.
"Dove Cameron's Count Me In," Hayden replied as he scrolled through the music on his phone while eating and tapped the song once he found it. The song played as Trayden laughed a little.
"I thought it sounded a little familiar. It was played on the Disney Channel show Liv and Maddie, wasn't it?" Trayden checked.
"That's right," Hayden nodded. "It was a song for sisters, but I think the message is pretty clear about having that one person who is always there for you no matter what,"
"You know your music; I'll give you that," Trayden stated. Hayden shrugged a bit. "I'm glad I know someone who takes the time to know the meaning and history of song,"
"What's the point of music if you don't get the message?" Hayden mentioned. "So, this talent show thing…You someone who has stage fright or doesn't think he sings good?" he asked.
"Neither. I play guitar, base or electric," Trayden stated with a smile. "I don't fancy myself a singer,"
"Ever tried?" Hayden inquired.
"Trayden never sings; we just assumed it was stage fright," Alyssa shrugged.
"Come on, you got to try," Hayden said now.
"Nah, I'm good," Trayden laughed.
"You made me do it," Hayden pointed out.
"Yeah, well…That's because you already know how to sing, and you're good at it," Trayden informed.
"And how do you know if you are or aren't unless you try," Hayden asked. Trayden put his finger up to reply, but stopped knowing Hayden was right. "Come on, you can't preach to me about not believing in myself if you won't do the same,"
"Okay, fine…I hate singing in front of people. I much prefer playing an instrument…" Trayden mumbled. "It's not…Stage fright; I just hate singing in front of anyone no matter where I am,"
"But the real question is if you like singing?" Hayden chuckled a bit.
"I mean, kind'a? I just don't think I sound good, so I don't do it at all," Trayden muttered.
"Well, that's your opinion. How can anyone hear how you sound if you don't do it?" Hayden questioned. "How about we make a deal? We play one game of Yugioh and if I win, you have to sing. If I lose, I'll sing lead in the talent show?"
"And pray tell what you'll do if I'm deemed a good singer in your eyes?" Trayden wondered.
"I'll expect you to stop doubting yourself, and I can help you with your hating to sing in front of people thing," Hayden offered. Trayden sighed.
"Alright, fine…You have yourself a deal," Trayden agreed, shaking his head. "Now, come on. Let's play. When's the last game you had?"
"Probably…end of Sophomore Year with. We had a Card Games Club held after school from 2 pm to 3 pm," Hayden replied as he grabbed a green box and rolled up rubber mat. Trayden went to his bag and picked up a black box and rubber mat as well. The two left Hayden's room and set up on the center table. Hayden and Trayden knelt down on the floor across from one another while getting ready.
"Alright. Rocks, paper, scissors for who starts," Trayden told him. The two males played and Trayden beat Hayden, so he was first to make a move.
"I do not understand how this works…" Katie said softly.
"It's a card game. There's monster, trap, and spell cards. Also special summons. Each player gets eight thousand life points to begin, and draw five cards in their hand. The point of the game is to defeat your opponent's cards and take their life-points to zero," Ford explained.
"It's a strategy game," Bryan mentioned. "I don't play, but I've seen the anime about it,"
Ten minutes in and Trayden got Hayden's life-points to eleven-hundred while Trayden's sat at seven-thousand still. It seemed pretty clear that Trayden was going to win, now it was Hayden's turn again. "Well, I got to say, Tray; you're pretty good. Best match I've had in a long time…This is the lowest my life points have ever been," Hayden admitted.
"Is this a surrender?" Trayden asked. "My next move will wipe your life points out,"
"Hah, you wish. No, it's not a surrender; it's your defeat," Hayden grinned. "Because my next move will also destroy yours," Trayden's eyes widened.
"No…You couldn't possibly-" Trayden started.
"Three Judgement Dragons, normal summon; one destroys all current monsters on your field when I pay a thousand life points. And then battle mode with all three down; I attack your life points directly for nine-thousand since you have nothing to defend yourself with," Hayden informed as he sat back with a smirk seeing Trayden's shocked face.
"What the-How the-Huh?!" Trayden stared.
"It's not a move I can do without a good opening hand, but this is what I call being Tripe JD'd. All I do is stall you out to pull the cards I need and wait for your side of the field to have nothing for defense. One JD clears the monsters, and then all three attack directly at three thousand each," Hayden informed calmly.
"Holy shit…That's incredible. Wow, I have never seen that done before; that's awesome! Hell, I don't even mind losing to it. Well played, sir," Trayden laughed a little. "You need to teach me how to play Lightsworn…"
"Sure, no problem," Hayden nodded.
"It looks fun," Rylee said.
"It is if you know how to play," Trayden chuckled. "Alright, you won," he added. "And because that was an awesome move; I'll let you pick the one I do,"
"Your performance; your pick," Hayden informed lightly.
"Well, I don't keep music on my phone; I have far too many," Trayden stated.
"Use my computer then," Hayden offered. "You don't have to sing right now, Tray. Besides, I'm still kind'a hungry and if you want this talent show thing set; we should talk more about it," he suggested. "Figure you what you wanna do, and what exactly you want my help with," he added.
"Well, we're gonna head upstairs," Silas mentioned as he got up with Felicia and Gabriel.
"I'm staying the night if you need me, lad. I'll be in the living room," Gabriel told his Godson.
"Kay," Hayden nodded. The three older adults departed the basement leaving the younger adults to talk about their talent show coming up in six weeks. "Alright, so what exactly are you going for in this talent show?"
"Well, we placed 5th last year, but we've never made it to any place before that…Someone said we might have gotten in the top three if we did a cover of another band and some dancing," Mindy explained.
"So you're going for a singing and dancing routine this year?" Hayden asked. "Easy enough," he added. "You just need to figure out what song, who is playing an instrument, who is singing, and who will be dancing, and the song you want to use. Those of you with stage fright have to overcome that, and…I mean, that's kind of it,"
"The boys are usually on instruments and the girls on dancing…" Rylee said. "Ford, Tyler, and myself handle effects backstage,"
"Who sings and has stage fright?" Hayden wondered.
"That would be Alicia, Mindy, and myself," Alyssa informed.
"Who plays what instrument?" Hayden questioned now.
"Bryan on drums. Syrus on base. Trayden on electric, but he does know how to play both base and electric, and acoustic too. Katie dances with us, and if we need a pianist; it's usually Ford," Tyler said now.
Hayden thought for a few moments while grabbing another piece of pizza. "Shouldn't be too hard. But you still need to decide on a song to do, without that; this whole idea won't work," he mentioned. "Without the song; I don't know where the singers are in their pitch range, and I can't find the proper sheet music for instruments. So you come together and decide something, and when you do, let me know,"
"Alright," the friends nodded as Hayden started eating his pizza and relaxing. The friends started discussing what they might be able to do in just six weeks. Of course, the shock was still there that Trayden got Hayden to get back into the sleepover events and that Hayden was now going to help them do better in the talent show. This was turning out to be a pretty fun night.
