Riff woke up from his drug-filled sleep thinking about his pops. Normally, he avoided thinking about him at all costs-mainly because the guy just terrified him in general-but his ma's question had thrown him completely off guard.
He knew he'd once again be registered as a failure in his father's eyes. Bernardo may have been the one to stab him, but he had been the one to turn away. He'd been the one to let down his defenses. And he knew, despite the fact it had all just been an unfortunate series of events, his pops would only see it as him being weak.
Weak . That was one of his pops favorite insults to throw at him. Ever since he was little his pops would laugh; shoving him around, telling him he was built like a damn girl. He acted like Riff could help that's how he was made. Besides, it wasn't like Riff himself didn't despise his slighter than desired build. He tried to pack on the pounds or build up some muscle. He did everything he could think of, but in the end he stayed small.
Then there was the whole turning his back at a fight and getting stabbed. By a damn spic no less. Well, he knew in his pops's eyes that not only made him weak but stupid as well. This alone would open him up to his pops harrassment. And probably a sharp pop to his jaw.
The other thing that terrified Riff-the main thing that terrified him-was how helpless his current condition left him. If his pops ever came back there was no way he could defend his ma-or himself-being the way he was.
Hell he couldn't even take a piss on his own right now.
He wasn't naive enough to think what happened in his home growing up was normal. Maybe if he hadn't had Tony's ma showing him what love and affection was supposed to be he'd be a little less clued in, but he also knew the stuff his pops did to him was the furthest thing from love as you can get.
Riff really hated that his body was like a roadmap, full of bumps and bruises of his pops's abuse. Although he might not specifically remember the event that caused each blistering of his skin he still knew their artist was the the crescent shaped thin scar under his right eye to the raised scars on his back every single one had been given to him by the same hand. Each one had been delivered with hate and violence and each had been received with fear and shame.
Course if anyone asked about them he lied and said they were from a gang fight. The asking normally came in the form of some chick tracing his scars with her finger tips on his bare back, after what Riff would hardly describe as good sex. He wasn't sure how convincing he sounded but he normally never bothered with the girl again after they both used each other up in all the wrong ways. So, he figured it didn't really matter.
He knew the Jets knew about his pops. Just like he knew about their own pops, uncles, ma's boyfriends, or whatever, but it was never something any of them felt the need to mention-unless if it was an off color joke made by the individual guy about himself. But they didn't really really know. Only Tony knew how bad it was.
Only Tony knew when he was younger he'd practically pissed himself just at the mere mention of his pops's name.
Only Tony had seen his pops in action. Hitting him, shoving him, punching him. Only Tony knew and heard the name calling
Mistake.
Useless.
Waste of life.
Piece of shit.
Only Tony had seen Riff pinned underneath his pops's stronghold, getting hit by his belt over and over again like he was a damn horse his pops was trying to break.
Only Tony had really seen Riff at his most vulnerable.
And only Tony had ever really defended him.
Riff shook his head trying to get out of his own thoughts. He couldn't go there. At least not about the Tony thing. He felt guilty even putting Tony in that position. Hell, he even felt that Tony's defending him is what helped make Tony so violent. The last time he'd seen his pops was the time Tony nearly killed him. Riff still didn't know what would have happened if he hadn't stopped it. If he hadn't told Tony his pops had had enough.
That day changed something in Tony. Where Tony had always been violent and angry that day broke off the little piece of Tony that had been sensible in a fight. It was like he didn't have an off button anymore.
So yeah, Riff blamed himself. He was convinced if Tony hadn't had the experience of defending Riff in the first place maybe he wouldn't have gone as far with that kid from the Egyptian Kings as he had.
"Hey. I think this is his room!" Riff heard a voice say loudly from the hall.
"Tony's gonna be so pissed we're here." Said a second voice sounding timid, scared, but also excited.
"Fuck, Tony." A third voice snapped, "We wanna visit so we're visitin. Tony don't own him."
Riff didn't even have to look up to know who those voices belonged to. Sure enough A-Rab, Baby John, and Action entered the room. All three had their hands in their pockets and all three looked nervous.
"Riff you're awake!" Baby John yelled, jumping in the air, looking like a little kid on Christmas morning. Riff couldn't help but laugh. He really liked Baby John. If he would have ever had a kid brother he'd want him to be exactly like he was. "I'm so glad you're okay! We were all so scared."
"You were scared." Action responded, rolling his eyes. "Riff this one has been crying like a damn bitch since it all happened. You'd think he was your damn girlfriend or something."
"You were scared too!" Baby John's cheeks flooded red, "You busted up plenty of walls since the rumble. And A-Rab's been busy killin his liver."
"We all were scared." A-Rab admitted, "I ain't ashamed to say that. Damn it Riff, you certainly know how to break up a fight."
"Yeah, Yeah." Riff rolled his eyes grinning. Their normal banter felt good to him. "I heard it was the cops who broke up the fight."
"Well you certainly know how to start one then." Action grinned, "So much for Tony's whole turnin over a new leaf thing. Damn he went hard at Bernardo after the fuckin spic knifed you. It was like that night with the Egyptian Kings all over again." Action reached out and playfully threw a few punches at A-Rab. The guy was on fire!"
"Pretty sure Bernardo's gonna need to get that jaw of his wired shut." A-Rab laughed, punching back, "Guess he isn't such a great boxer after all."
"Or at least get his face fixed." Action laughed, as they high fived. "Tony definitively rearranged it for him."
"Bernardo's okay though, right?" Riff asked, suddenly feeling a little sick to his stomach. With everything going on he hadn't even thought to ask how Bernardo was doing. He still hated the guy, hated everything he was and represented, but that didn't mean Riff wanted him hurt. At least not the type of hurt Riff was.
"What do you care?" Action gave him a look of complete disgust. "After what he did to you he deserves to be hurtin."
"He's okay, Riff." Baby John said quietly. "Anybodys seen him. He was sneaking around near San Juan hill to see if the Sharks were planning anything. He did say his face is all screwed up, but he's okay."
"Whatever." Action rolled his eyes before heading over to Riff's bed, "So you really can't feel anything down here at all?" He pulled up the covers exposing Riff's useless legs and flicked his foot. Riff didn't even flinch.
"Nope. Not at all."
"Damn..." Action dropped the blanket back over Riff's legs, for once not knowing what to say. Riff heard the not so subtle sound of Baby John sniffling away. Riff was about to comfort him when Tony's voice spoke from the doorway.
"I thought I told you guys to give it some time?" Tony asked, leaning against the door. He did not look or sound happy.
"Last time I checked you weren't our boss anymore." Action snapped.
"No offense, Ton. But he's right." A-Rab nodded, which didn't surprise Riff because he always agreed with Action. "We really don't gotta do what you say."
"So, Riff," Action cleared his throat ignoring Tony's glare, "The guys are getting restless. What do you wanna do about the damn Sharks? They gotta pay for what Bernardo did to you."
"This is the exact reason I didn't want you coming here." Tony snapped, now coming fully into the room, facing Action head on. "Jesus Action! Haven't you all had enough?!"
"Hey, aren't you the guy that almost pummeled another guy half to death." Action snapped back, "I don't think you're really in any position to tell people when they've "had enough". Besides you ain't a Jet no more. So it's none of your fuckin business what we do."
"It is my business when you're trying to have another rumble." Tony's voice rose to a roar. "For fucks sake! Look at Riff! You really think his going in for another fight is a good idea? How dare you come here even asking for one!"
"Excuse me." A nurse poked her head in the door, "I'm not sure if you boys are aware...but this is a hospital. I'm going to have to ask you to take your argument outside."
"Forget this." Action snapped, "I'm out of here. I'll catch you later, Riff." He stormed out, making sure to check Tony in the shoulder as he did so.
"I guess I'll head out too." A-Rab looked nervously at Tony before giving Riff a pat on his shoulder and scooting out the door.
"I'll hang a while." Baby John looked at Riff, "If that's okay."
"Course it is." Riff replied, patting a spare space on his bed. "How ya been buddy boy."
That was all it took for Baby John to burst into tears.
"I thought you were dead, Riff." Baby John sobbed, "I can't get Bernardo stabbing you out of my head. You dropped so fast…. And there was so much blood."
"It would take more than a stab in the back to get rid of me." Riff joked, giving him a light punch.
"I was just really scared, Riff." Baby John whispered.
"I know." Tony was surprised to see Riff's demeanor soften,"I'm sorry I scared ya."
"I dunno what I'd do without you."
"Things been okay at home?" Riff asked so gently Tony barely heard him.
"For the most part." Baby John looked down at his hands. "I try to avoid being there as much as possible."
"I get it." Riff sounded so sympathetic that Tony almost felt like pinching himself to see if he was dreaming. He's hardly ever seen Riff be so openly soft. "Soon as I'm better we'll work on the whole self defense thing again. Can you crash with one of the guys till then? Ice and Mouthpiece got their own place. I'm sure they'd be cool with it."
"What do I tell them?" Baby John shrugged, "I don't really want them knowing."
"Just tell 'em you need a place to stay." Riff shrugged. "They won't ask questions. They don't want anyone askin them questions. It's a pretty good insurance policy if you think about it like that."
"Does he know?" Baby John asked, motioning towards Tony.
"No." Riff shook his head. "You asked me not to tell anyone so I didn't."
Tony stood there uncomfortable. He suddenly felt he was intruding on a very private moment. Plus, he'd never been close with Baby John. In fact, he hardly knew him.
Riff brought him into the gang like two months before Tony got sent upstate.
Tony expressed his concerns. To him, Baby John seemed too soft...too timid….to damn young to be involved with the Jets.
"He needs this." Riff had insisted. "Trust me Tony."
So Tony, against his better judgment, agreed.
Tony was surprised right off the bat with their friendship. Riff seemed enamored with the kid. Bringing him everywhere and anywhere. Tony was kinda surprised because Riff normally didn't like being smothered. Baby John in his end was attached to Riff's side. He hung off of his every word like Riff was God himself. He started walking, talking, and even dressing like Riff.
"Is there anything I can help you with? Tony asked, glancing between the two of them. It was obvious their friendship went outside of the gang. And if he was that important to Riff maybe Tony should put a little more effort into getting to know the kid.
"No thank you." Baby John said quietly, watching as a nurse came in to take Riff's vitals. "I'll be okay." He stood up, popping his collar before shoving his hands in his jacket pocket-a very Riff like move-"I'm gonna head out. I'll come visit soon." Baby John gave Tony a small smile and left.
"Wow. I really know how to clear a room." Tony watched as the nurse took Riff's pulse.
"Don't worry about them. You know how Action is. And you know A-Rab follows Action."
"I guess." Tony shrugged, "Is Baby John okay?"
"Not really." Riff shrugged, "I can't really talk about it though."
"He seems like a real nice kid."
"Yeah, he is." Riff flinched slightly as the nurse put her stethoscope on his chest. "Damn, that's cold. Would it kill ya to heat that thing up or something?" He looked so appalled that Tony had to stiffen a laugh. The nurse just rolled her eyes before jamming the thermometer in Riff's mouth, effectively shutting him up.
"You have a slight fever." The nurse said, frowning as she held the thermometer up to the light. "I'll have to let Dr. Mccallin know. I'm going to have to push some antibiotics with your pain meds. Your wound might be getting infected. We'll check it next time we change your bandages. I'll be back with the antibiotics."
"I'll be sure to write it in my diary." Riff replied. The nurse just rolled her eyes again and stepped out of the room.
"You should really stop pissing off all the nurses." Tony said with a slight grin. "I don't think it's doing you any favors. They might get their revenge with an extra shot or something." Riff's eyes widened slightly, then he just shrugged, and looked out the window. "Riff," Tony leaned forward, "Listen, I'm sorry about bringing your ma." Tony said. "I was kinda hoping it would go better than it did."
"It's not your fault." Riff shrugged, "I know how she is at this point. It would be weird if she got all carin on me."
"Guess that's one way to look at it. " Tony shrugged. "I'm still sorry though."
Riff merely nodded, once again looking out the window. By the way he was biting his lip, and nervously twisting his finger around his blanket, Tony could tell he had something else on his mind.
"She said that she doesn't know how she's going to tell my pops." Riff said finally. He looked at Tony, "How the hell am I going to let him see me like this Tony? What the hell am I going to do?"
