original published: 12/27/11 (edited 4/20/20)
Disclaimer: I'm just someone that finds writing as a wonderful outlet for the imagination. Building off of Miyazaki's characters.
Chapter 8: To Know One's Heart
Asbel lowered himself onto the wooden bench and exhaled deeply. He needed to analyze his own feelings - something he didn't particularly enjoy doing. Jarel's words had left him disturbed and confused, and painfully aware of some very strange emotions within himself. He currently sat in solitude in one of the storage rooms, brooding under the moonlight.
Did he love her? He wasn't sure. Love was too strong a word and he was too scared to think about it. He certainly was attracted to her physically; she always looked irresistibly beautiful and sophisticated to him. But external features were not the only aspects of her that captured him. The woman managed to combine youthful energy, quiet strength, childlike purity, motherly compassion, and ageless wisdom all in one complicated soul. She fascinated him, to the point where he thought about her constantly: her smile, her sweet voice, her warm and bright aura... his mind drifted to the hug she gave him yesterday, and he smiled to himself in the dark, like a fool.
Then it suddenly dawned upon him that he had already been falling in love, gradually, without noticing. Now he understood why the insects were so charmed; it was impossible to escape the allure of her sweet personality, and he had unwittingly become enamored in as well.
I am in so much trouble. He thought to himself, then let out an exasperated sigh.
"Penny for your thoughts?" A female voice rang in his ears. Asbel whipped around; he practically had to squint to see Tersa camouflaged in the corner of the room, regarding him carefully, propped on one elbow.
"How long have you been there?"
"I've been here the whole time." He groaned inwardly; how did he not notice her when he walked in?
"I suppose I should find a different room then." He muttered, unamused.
"You're both hopeless, you know that?" The man scowled at her, pretending not to understand what (or who) she was referring to. Tersa however, only needed to see the distant look of yearning on his face to know what was on his mind.
"Both of you are normally such decisive individuals - how is it that you will tiptoe around each other so cautiously?" She threw a sidelong glance at him.
"Do you like her?" She prodded; the man didn't answer.
"Given how pathetically you were sighing just now, I think you and I already know the answer to that. Why don't you just tell her?"
"Can you please not act like a matchmaker?" He hissed; this best friend of Nausicaa's was insufferably nosy.
"Asbel, I've known Nausicaa since before either of us could walk. She may not have confessed anything to you, but it's not because she doesn't care about you."
"What are you implying?" He growled; he was curious but refused to show it.
"It means she likes you, moron. Why someone as dense as you, I'm not too sure."
"Tersa," chided another voice, in a disapproving tone. Though it was more high-pitched and nervous than normal, Asbel immediately recognized it.
Nausicaa emerged in the doorway. Concern was etched across her features, but her eyes held a slightly amused glint. She glanced uncertainly at Asbel, then looked back at Tersa.
"It's rude to meddle." She mildly chastised.
"This hardly counts as meddling," Tersa protested. "I was just hurrying it along. Also, I sat here first!"
"Don't push it." The Princess declared firmly, turning serious.
"Why not?" She bounced back; the best friend was refreshingly honest sometimes. "It's obvious to everyone except the two of you, apparently. Were you going to tell him or were you just going to wait until it happened?" the girl challenged.
"You can't force these kinds of things!" She emphasized, her dark brown eyes alight with decisiveness.
"Oh, this is too frustrating to watch," Tersa sighed, getting up from her seat. "Don't make me lock the two of you in a room until you both talk openly." She threatened on her way out the door. Silence reigned for a little bit, while the duo that purportedly had feelings for each other were left alone in the room.
"Don't mind her," Nausicaa stated languidly. If they didn't feel awkward with each other before, they definitely felt it now.
"Are you alright?" She asked a little timidly.
"Yeah," he hummed lazily with a smile, hoping she wouldn't catch his bluff. Silence ensued for another ten seconds. Neither of them minded each other's quiet presence; they were offering each other the time and space to gather thoughts and speak if compelled.
"Ok." She half-whispered at last; she really had stayed behind just to make sure he wasn't feeling burdened. "I'll leave you alone for now. Goodnight."
She gave one last look at Asbel, and their eyes met in the silence. Hazel searched dark brown and found gentle concern, slight amusement, and hiding in the very back, a yearning that mirrored his own. Asbel had never noticed that before. Without another word she turned and daintily padded out the door as well.
Asbel remained behind, incredibly puzzled, and just a little flustered. They had the perfect chance to talk about it just now... but both of them missed the opportunity, being the passive type. Unless, Nausicaa didn't want to discuss? But if Tersa's words were true, then Nausicaa's heart really... that evening outdoors... her eyes... it wasn't a dream? His thoughts weren't even in full sentences and he mentally shook himself. This was going to drive him insane if he didn't resolve it soon.
"Fine Nausicaa, if you won't talk first, then I will." He muttered under his breath.
As soon as it the sun rose Asbel searched for the right time to bring up the subject. Fate would have it that they ran into each other in the hallway right before breakfast.
"Good morning." Her slight smile floated to him like a faint summer breeze.
"Morning." He replied, their eyes communicating silently that things still felt very unsettled between them.
"Asbel," she called out, her voice sounding a tad troubled.
"Yes?"
"About what Tersa told you last night - don't worry about it for now." The man was caught off guard by her words.
"Why? Was it not true?" He inquired.
"I don't want to add another thing to your mind." She explained, a little hesitantly. "We should be focusing on finding a cure for Gullera, not trying to sort out feelings."
The girl sent him an apologetic glance; she truly didn't want to do this either, but worried about their interactions becoming a distraction and a burden to him if things were to go wrong. He nodded thoughtfully; perhaps the girl was more wise and level-headed than he was.
"But can you do it?" He questioned concernedly. "Set feelings aside?"
"Yes, if I have to." Nausicaa replied very calmly. Asbel worried that this might turn into another missed opportunity, but her appeal to reason was stronger.
"Alright." The girl smiled weakly at him, grateful they reached an agreement, and continued on her way.
"But I don't know if I can..." He mumbled to himself after she had left.
The next morning they reached the village. It was a very simple, almost primitive town: the kind in which the entire population could fit in one town hall, the three main grocery stores all resided on the same main street, and the people were poor but had enough to get by. The group easily picked up their supplies and was walking through the center of town when they came across a surprise. Nausicaa heard behind her a scuffle followed by a muffled grunt. Whipping herself around, she found Tersa firmly holding a youngster by the collar.
"What are you up to?" Tersa snarled at the pick-pocket, who was now desperately trying to wrangle free from her vice-like grip.
"Caught him trying to steal from us." She explained when the rest of the group gathered over. Nausicaa slowly neared the squirming young lad, no older than twelve or thirteen, and knelt down to his eye level.
"What do you need?" She asked him gently. Tersa, who was not particularly known for being compassionate, protested.
"Nausicaa you're not running a charity here." She growled very practically. "He's only going to try stealing from other people later."
"No! Please; if I return empty handed, I don't get a meal tomorrow." The boy pleaded to his captors.
"You only get one meal a day?" He nodded to Nausicaa's question. The Princess was torn between visiting this poor child's living establishment, or buying him a meal... Jarel seemed to read her mind and spoke up.
"Nausicaa, we don't really have the time for this, not if we want to reach Merinth by the end of the week." The lad overheard his comment and grew desperately excited.
"You're going to Merinth? Please! Take me with you! I've been there and know the place well. You might need help getting in and out." Kerlin had mentioned Merinth as an unfriendly country; it mystified them to know why the boy would also say the same thing.
"But what about your parents?" Nausicaa postulated.
"I don't have any parents; Father died in the Sea of Decay and Mother was killed by the war. I live with other orphans."
"You sure you want to leave? You might not be able to come back."
"Anywhere is better than being trapped in this city." He confessed without hesitation.
"Lord Yupa?" Nausicaa turned to the wise swordsman for advice. Although Yupa had never raised children of his own, he had a keen sense of a person's character; and in children it was even easier to distinguish the sneaky from the simple-minded. He observed the boy carefully; his eyes showed naivety and were easy to read. Life had driven him to become a thief, but if corrected carefully, he had the potential to grow into a trustworthy adult.
"We just might need his help in the near future." Yupa droned by way of an answer.
The youngster gladly followed the foreigners out of his hometown, away from years of pain and misery. He could barely contain his excitement; he was finally leaving the past behind! He had no idea where he would wind up, but staying in the village promised him nothing more than a shameful and meaningless way of life. He took whatever opportunities that came his way, and would feel forever indebted to these strangers for breaking him free of his pick-pocketing life.
Meanwhile, Asbel slowly made his way over to Nausicaa as they left the city. She felt his warm presence as he approached.
"Are you sure about this? He was just trying to steal from us and now we're bringing him onto the ship?" He asked in a whisper, which sent a thrill up her spine. She mentally rebuked her heart for being so easily stirred.
"I don't know; but I think we could do him some good."
"But what will we do with him afterwards? After we leave Merinth?"
"Maybe he wants to see the world; he'll be free to travel wherever he wants. But if he wishes to settle down in one place…I don't know; maybe I'll take him in to live with me."
Asbel frowned at the idea. But then again, that was Nausicaa's way of doing things: taking things upon herself when no one else had the willpower or the courage.
"You want a brother that badly?" He teased; the girl snorted and sent him an admonishing look.
"As if you and Jarel aren't enough of a handful already." She replied with a knowing smirk.
"Hey, thank you so much for letting him stay in your room." Nausicaa told Jarel. She caught the opportunity to chat with the pilot while he was taking an hour's break, before flying through the night shift. After getting a cup of tea, she pulled up a chair next to him in one of the cabins.
"No problem," he answered. "He's a sweet little fellow; reminds me of my younger brother actually." Nausicaa smiled and looked out the window, admiring the starry night sky and thinking about the newest crew member. The twelve-year-old had adjusted well on the airship. Not only was he willing to help with anything, he was also surprisingly receptive to criticisms and quick to correct old habits. However, Nausicaa couldn't help worrying about him every once in a while.
"Be nice to Kitson; I think he's been through a lot." She said quietly.
"I'm plenty nice!" Jarel protested.
"I know. That's why he's in your room and not in Asbel's – though don't tell him I said that!" She giggled. "I just don't think he's as good with kids as you are."
"Are you calling me a kid?" He piped, all mock-defensive. Nausicaa chuckled; the old friend with a playful sense of humor had returned. A couple moments of silence passed between them before Jarel spoke up again.
"Nausicaa, there's something I've been wanting to ask you." He honestly wished he didn't have to confess his crush on her during a cross-country expedition, but the situation had made him pressed for time. He had to find out now, or forever hold his peace if the Pejite got to her first. Brown eyes regarded him curiously.
"You know how we promised to never jeopardize the friendships amongst the three of us?" He began; Nausicaa smiled.
"Yes." It was a beautiful evening in the Valley; the trio had been recalling years of memories when they sentimentally agreed to never part ways.
"What if one of our friendships turns into a romantic relationship?" He asked a little nervously. Nausicaa paused for a moment.
"What do you mean?" She asked carefully.
"I mean, can you see me as more than a friend?" Brown eyes full of surprise stared tentatively into his. Jarel furrowed his brows at her reaction.
"Don't say you haven't noticed. You must have had an idea that I liked you."
It's true that she had noticed... it started around their teenage years. He found every opportunity to compliment her, help her out, and follow her around with a very puppy-like devotion. There were moments she wanted to smack him for being so annoying but she knew it was out of adoration. Now the man was regarding her very meticulously.
"And if you really didn't know, I guess I'm telling you now..." He spoke slowly and deliberately. "I've liked you for years."
Nausicaa's heart grew sad; she really didn't want to do this to one of her closest friends.
"Jarel..." her tone of voice gave away her answer and she didn't have to say another word for him to understand. Blue eyes grew still and somewhat disappointed.
"Really? Do I even get a chance?" He asked, his eyes pleading with her. She stared back at him, unswayable and a little downcast.
"I suppose that's a no, then." He sighed; her dark-brown eyes peered at him apologetically.
"I care about you a lot, and you will always be one of my dearest friends..." She gently explained. "but ... I can't."
"Can I know the reason? Or do I have to guess?"
"There's ... someone already." She admitted a little hesitantly. The Valley boy narrowed his eyes at her.
"It's him, isn't it?" He muttered softly, with the tiniest hint of bitterness in his voice. "You've never shown interest in guys your whole life. Suddenly he shows up asking for help and then the next thing you know, you've pulled together a team flying to unknown places on a dangerous expedition for him."
"No, Gullera had reached the Valley too-"
"Nausicaa, how many years have I known you?" He retorted a little reproachfully. "You can lie to everyone else, and maybe even yourself. But you can't lie to me."
The girl had no response; he was right no matter how many alternate explanations she tried to create. When Jarel asked for her heart, she considered it for a split second, but deep inside she knew she absolutely could not. She had already started caring for Asbel from the moment she met him in the skies and searched for him in the Sea. Her heart was already waiting for him; it had been waiting for a while, calmly, patiently, unbeknownst even to her. It had stayed alive for him like an underground spring, warm and unwavering, hidden hundreds of feet below the surface. She realized it now; it was only ever going to be for that dark-haired, dark-eyed pilot from Pejite. She brought her attention back to the sapphire eyes gazing wistfully into hers.
"Jarel, you know I never want to hurt you... And I don't want you to be in pain because of me. So if distance is what you need, I ca-"
"No, no, that's worse. Just stay my friend please." He uttered with urgency. "I won't try to change things; I can't afford to lose you entirely." Her heart ached out of empathy for him.
"Jarel...I'm so sorry..." She had no idea what else to say. He was one of her closest friends, who grew up with her and knew all her preferences and quirks. She knew he was mentally and emotionally strong, but this would still hurt him.
"It's alright. I never stood a chance did I." He concluded with a wry smile. Then, with a twinkle in his eyes, he leaned forward to carefully place a kiss on her cheek. Nausicaa let him do so, and smiled.
"With your personality, it won't be long before you find someone for yourself."
"I highly doubt it…"
"Don't say that! There's a particular short-haired girl on this airship that has had a crush on you for ages." The look of shock on his face was priceless.
"Tersa?"
Nausicaa didn't say another word, but sent him a very knowing glance and got up from her seat.
Thanks for reading so far; the next chapter should be up in a day or two.
