To appease Dave after he had broken his phone, Crowder had bought him a cup of bubble tea. In Dave's Mercedes SUV they waited until dusk while listening to Dave Matthews Band. Every now and then Crowder made sure that his hair looked good. A glance at his watch showed that Seder should be on his way home now. Dave Rubin was skeptic.
"Why are you sure that it works now?", he asked.
"He can't resist this. No one can." The alarm clock rang. 21:40 - Seder would arrive soon from his jogging route. And everything was prepared.
"We have to hurry up now. Did you take care of the secret weapon?"
"Yes", Rubin answered.
Both men sprang out of the SUV and started to build the "Change my mind" podium. There weren't many people around, just a few Mexicans, loonies and homeless people scattered around the park - the usual trash of New York. But Dave quickly gathered their attention with a big batch of cash. With a crowd of audience they finally attached a sign to the podium which said: "Transpeople are mentally ill - Change my mind".
Some of them turned around and walked away, others gathered around. Like the sign summoned her from the depths of hell a young female student came around and her intentions were clear before she even opened her mouth. Her sparkly neon-colored hair was bouncing around, she had a ginormous chest girth and walked around with an attitude of the queen of England. She was like the very impersonation of a radical leftist. And when she opened her mouth her deep manly voice catched the attention of the audience. "I demand a debate."
Crowder turned around to Rubin. "Whoah, where did you find such a patty?" He winked.
"She's actually a man named Markus from my AA-meetings. Don't get too hard on him."
"Steven Crowder, I hate you! You are not cancel-culturing me", she shouted like a quarterback.
"Easy, ma'am. Are you trans? Because you definitely seem mentally ill." Some people started to record their debate on their smartphones with some giggling in the crowd. Even illegal immigrants have smartphones now - what a sad day for American culture.
"This is none of your buisness. You hater. You hate me and my people. Why do you deny my existence?!", Markus cried, eyes filled with hatred. Crowder smirked. That was some pretty damn convincing acting.
"I don't hate trans people. It is just evidently clear that trans people have some mental issues. To normalize this would normalize mental illnesses to our future generation. Suicide rates would go up." Markus stomped angrily. The crowd was in total awe of that spectacle.
"You mistake transgenderism with autogynephilia. It is the autogynephilia that is pathological. And the best way to cure it is hormone therapy, Mister Crowder. It's an easy fix. Any studied physician can tell you that."
After some back and fourth it was evident, that Markus was prepared for this. Too prepared. Just when he began to lose the audience, the sweaty head of Sam Seder poked out from the crowd and added to the derailment of his whole focus.
"Pronouns are biological", repeated Crowder, but the crazy trans-feminist easily disproved his argument.
"No it's not. We usually don't check our chromosomes when we talk to each other. Besides pronouns were used long before the dawn of micro biology. Therefore pronouns cannot be biological."
"I agree, but you are strawmanning me now. I didn't say that pronouns are biological. But I said they should refer to biological sex. Trans are such a minute minority, I'm just saying that society shouldn't adapt to them."
Heads were shaking. They were disagreeing with him once again. And Markus continued to hammer him down with pro trans-athletes arguments with no mercy. Only one in the crowds seemed unfazed by all this turmoil. One that commanded the room with his quite mystery and intrigue. Maybe that's why he felt so attracted to him - he was a lone wolf. An outcast by choice. A true sigma male.
The audience started to disperse until there was only Steven and Sam, staring each other down.
"It was great fun - uhm - watching you getting slammed again and again", he began slowly then cleared his throat. Dave Rubin stood quite some distance away and observed them with binoculars. Crowder formed a silent "Thank you" then he turned his attention back at Sam Seder. After determining that everything went according to plan, Dave walked back to his Mercedes SUV with a satisfied grin.
"To my defense - I'm more a comedian than a debater."
"But wasn't that your whole shtick? To debate young students? Destroy them? Or was that Ben Shapiro?"
"Please". Steven Crowder whispered. "Don't ruin this moment for me."
Sam smiled charmingly. A drop of sweat ran down his attractive ashkenazi jewish face. His hotness level went right over the roof, but Crowder tried the best to surpress a moan.
"Is everything alright? Does something hurt?", Seder asked and moved his intense gaze over Crowder's casket.
"My arm is fine, I guess."
With utmost caution Sam grabbed his arm. "A careful massage may bring wonderous results. They say I have an almost magic touch."
Crowder stared longingly into his eyes - he just stared back, a restrained fire behind these eyes. Seder licked his lip. Omg. Was this an invitation? Maybe now is the time.
"I can't believe what I haven't seen with my own eyes", Crowder responded flirtily. It sounded rather pathetic, but it didn't actually matter, because both men came a little bit closer - closer until they could feel the warm breath of each other.
"You mean like the Mueller Report?"
"Hell, yes."
Now shut up and kiss me. Crowder bended forward and closed his eyes.
His high hopes were disappointed. Crowder opened his eyes. Seder was still there, but he seemed hesitant.
"What is wrong?"
Suddenly he came even nearer to Crowder, so close that Crowder felt the heat radiating from this man. He held his breath in response.
"I don't think you are ready for this. I am not the man that you think you know."
"And what kind of man are you?" Crowder wanted him, there were no other words for this craving. Sam Seder gave him a gently smile, but there was a certain sadness hidden under his kind fassade.
"I have great doubts. But I can wait no longer." In a quick motion Sam grabbed Steven's collar and pulled him to him. And with it their lips finally met like they have been lovers for ages. It was an epiphany - this was the right way - the only way to kiss. It felt so natural how each of their lips complemented each other. And Steven greedily inhaled Sam's musk and with it every fantasy in his head revolved around this scent. Almost forcefully their magical connection was severed.
"Pause it." Sam drawed his lips back and for a moment he looked very vulnerable.
"What - what's wrong?" Crowder's voice cracked.
