Probably one of my favorite chapters to write. I'm one for melodrama.
Date: 7/26/13 - (edited 24 Apr 2020)
Chapter 16: Altruism
Nausicaa pulled herself together and wasted no time in thinking how to get Asbel safely out of harm's way. She was not afraid of death - never had been, and even now it didn't seem to hinder her from thinking straight. Her only concern lay in deceiving the boy into believing nothing had gone wrong, while convincing him to leave the Palace without her or Mulsa, never to return to Merinth. In the few minutes she had before meeting him, she brainstormed the most convincing semi-fabricated tale to persuade him.
So this was how her life would end? She had hoped to die with a bit more dignity - in the hands of Mother Nature for instance, instead of being executed by human hands for treason. At the very least, she harboured few regrets from her short but productive twenty years on this earth: she had led a nation, created a cure, survived a military invasion, uncovered mysteries of the Sea of Corruption, fallen in love...
Asbel. Deep sadness overwhelmed her heart at the thought of leaving him behind. Their time together would be abruptly cut short, and it was the one thing she knew she'd regret for eternity. Preserving his life was terribly cruel; from his lingering grief over Lastelle she could only imagine his agony after Nausicaa deserted him as well. Nevertheless, taking her with him was absolutely not an option. Protecting him from her fate would be the last thing she would do for him.
In silence she traveled down to the prison cells, to see Asbel one last time before continuing to the execution chambers. The man's countenance lightened visibly with relief when he saw her beyond the cell, and she smiled to think of his unfailing devotion. The moment she entered the confine he ardently tackled her and swiftly wrapped her in a warm embrace.
"Are you alright? You were gone for quite a while." He drew away from her and noticed that she seemed a bit burdened. Nausicaa gazed up into his concerned expression and her thoughts drifted in a morbid direction... If he missed her this terribly after a mere twelve hours, what kind of misery would he be in when she left him for good? Guilt strong enough to torture her through a thousand afterlives nagged unrelentingly at her soul. She brought a hand gently to his cheek, her eyes full of affection.
"I'm alright. I just spent a good amount of time bargaining with Sarkil."
"What did you bargain for?" He inquired; she swallowed and prepared to break the news.
"He's letting you go." She uttered calmly, watching the surprise spread across his features, followed by a vexed frown.
"You bargained for my release? Why?" He snapped, not understanding why she would push for such a thing.
"He wouldn't give me Mulsa." she explained slowly, thinking carefully through every syllable she uttered. "This was the next item on my list." Somewhat exasperated by her actions, Asbel closed his weary eyes and rubbed his temples; the intelligent and mature girl had a very strange way of thinking sometimes.
"And I'm supposed to just leave?" He sighed. "Without Mulsa?"
"Mulsa is not the only way to get the cure. There's a similar plant, called Cyathea temulsa, in the Sea of Decay. Go to Kerlin and tell him how I purify my toxic jungle plants. He'll know what to do." This was frankly her own hypothesis, but if Mulsa was truly a non-toxic variant of cyathea temulsa, why not try purifying the toxic version? She presumed it would produce a similar result.
Asbel was exceedingly curious about this new discovery, but he quickly caught the unique wording of her instructions and stared at her skeptically.
"Wait - just me?" He asked sternly; Nausicaa felt the nervousness within her and began to wonder if she could actually pull this off.
"Yes, I stay. Sarkil wants me to work in the Conservatory." It was another lie, but she didn't care. Her voice was softer than usual but no less resolved. He seemed a little shocked.
"No...I'm not walking out of here without you." He shook his head vehemently as every fibre in his being revolted at the idea.
"It's already been decided." She declared, using a chilly indifference to conceal her feelings of remorse and resignation.
"No, I won't do it! I'm not leaving you." He barked obstinately.
"Asbel please!" She urged suddenly. Desperation filled her voice and she pleaded with him, as though his refusal was hurting her. "Get out while you can." In that momentary slip of composure he sensed fear in her eyes and wondered what else was behind her plea... What was she hiding from him?
"What's going on? Are you in trouble?" He asked suspiciously, searching her eyes again but encountering only slight perturbation in the brown depths.
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." Given her jittery behaviors Asbel did not believe that answer for a moment. Sarkil, must have planted a catch somewhere in the agreement.
"What else was in that bargain? What did you trade?" He searched her eyes again but found nothing as she scrambled to restrain all emotion, terrified that he might possibly discover the sacrifice she would make. Hastily she calculated how much she could reveal to him without causing her plan to backfire.
"I don't have the time to explain the whole thing." She explained quickly. "But you cannot come back once you leave - not for me or for Mulsa, do you understand? He will kill you the moment you step foot in Merinth again." Her composure returned to her and she pushed harder to get her way.
"Then I won't leave. Not without you." He replied seriously; Nausicaa's heart ached in excruciating pain. Every lie she told inflicted a stab of guilt on her, and every distortion of the harsh reality meant repression of her own grief. Nevertheless she reminded herself that this was the only way he could play his role - blindly and in full trust.
"Asbel this may be your only opportunity - take it!" She implored. "If you don't do as I've told you, everything I've done will have gone to waste. Please don't allow my efforts to be in vain." This argument stood completely true, and he stared into her eyes silently, torn by the desire to follow her wish and the yearning to stay with her. He knew all too well of her reckless behavior, recalling her previous inclinations toward firing gunmen and stampeding ohmus - and she most certainly was hiding something now as well. The woman waited anxiously for a response, and presently Asbel sighed in defeat.
"Whatever you're not telling me I'm sure I don't agree to it..." he huffed, but from his compliant tone of voice Nausicaa knew she had won. Indeed Asbel had basically given up and resorted to begging the heavens for mercy; when had he ever successfully persuaded her to stay out of harm's way? Once called to do something she could not be wavered from her course. It was a lost cause and he only hoped her survival instincts would not fail her. She smiled appreciatively at him as admiration and relief poured out from her eyes.
"Thank you. Now be strong; I swear that as long as I live and breath, I will find a way back to you."
And she had meant that vow from the bottom of her heart; except she wouldn't be living or breathing for long. She slapped herself out of her morbid thoughts again and took her future in stride. Treasuring these last seconds spent with him, she hastily slipped her arms around his middle and hugged him tight enough to suffocate him. Asbel responded by encircling his arms around her just as passionately.
"This is goodbye then?" He whispered in her ear; she nodded weakly and was crushed further into him. Cradling her head into his chest, he completely captured her in his arms and pressed a kiss into her hair. In silence they remained for a long time, neither willing to let go.
Eventually the embrace loosened slightly, that Nausicaa had just enough room to bring both hands to his face right before sealing her lips to his. The contact awakened a fire in him, as his hands wandered along her back and his arms locked around her waist. The kiss deepened, their passion feeding off of each other.
"My heart is yours." She whispered, her lips still lingering over his. "Always has been, always will."
"Then come back to me." He breathed roughly, while she was still in his possession.
"I will try."
"That's not good enough." He growled, tightening his grip on her to make sure she would fulfill her promise. Pain flashed across her face but she hid it quickly.
"I have to go." Asbel gazed into her eyes longingly for the time that had now expired. As if every move of muscle brought him suffering, he hesitantly removed his arms from around her, and she similarly disentwined herself from him.
"Come," she called to him. "You can leave now as well." Asbel frowned at the strange procession of events. Out in the hallway, a guard dressed in the usual uniform awaited to escort Asbel out of the Palace, while Nausicaa walked in the opposite direction, flanked by two guards dressed in black. The Pejite watched her retreating figure, thoroughly perplexed and feeling a faint, nagging fear in the back of his mind.
She looked back at him and they exchanged one final glance. Her eyes poured out a wistful expression, brimming with boundless affection to the only man she ever loved, and her lips formed a bittersweet smile. She restrained herself from running back to give him one last embrace; if she did that she'd never be able to tear herself away. Before she could change her mind she turned and continued down the hallway.
She internally heaved a monstrous sigh, for she had passed the hardest part. Upon lifting her head she encountered the knowing eyes of Lewis Findel, who stood transfixed in his cell, completely appalled. He had taken one look at the changed uniform of the guards to realize where she was headed.
"Princess..." He breathed, the consternation in his eyes speaking volumes. She slowly brought a finger to her lips and softly shook her head to silence him. Her eyes were quiet, yet heralded of an unyielding courage; not only had she willingly chosen this fate, but her decision had to be kept secret. Without another word the girl reverted to her course.
Only then did Nausicaa consider allowing some of her emotions to the surface. Up until this moment she had deliberately bottled most of it, maintaining a placid outward appearance to prevent Asbel from suspecting anything. A single tear rolled down her cheek, as a strange kind of pain overwhelmed her. It wasn't a sharp, vindictive suffering that left you in hysterics, but a silent gut-wrenching agony, an overwhelming ache in your soul, that left you with neither the strength nor will to utter a cry. The heavy guilt of ending her own life also weighed unbearably on her shoulders. Her only consolation lay in Asbel's freedom; his life was the only reason she continued placing one foot in front of the other. Every step she took brought him closer to safety, and that was all she needed to know to keep her going.
She turned a corner and beheld the grid of execution chambers: nine rooms arranged neatly in 3 rows. The princess couldn't help feeling a little amused; how many people did they ever have to execute at once?
Asbel continued down a long, dimly lit passageway, feeling increasingly uneasy. He couldn't shake off the suspiciousness of the setup; instead of the usual combination of grey and blue, the guards around her wore all black, made of thick materials similar to that of his protective gear against the Sea of Decay. The nagging fear also continued to plague him in the two minutes he had been separated from her; in fact it escalated the farther and farther he walked away, until he was absolutely certain something was horribly amiss. Suddenly he jolted upright, sheer terror struck his soul, then he heard her voice, earnest and clear as it reverberated through his mind:
"Goodbye, my pilot... forgive me. I love you... it was only ever going to be you."
Asbel's heart stilled in his chest. Her voice cried with such anguish and heartache that he could see the tears in her eyes. The last time she had communicated telepathically with him, they were flying hundreds of feet above the Sea of Decay, in separate gunships. He knew that her powers were drawn out for only the most important messages, fueled by raw, uncontrollable emotions.
His nagging apprehension skyrocketed into absolute panic. Unmistakably Nausicaa was in danger. Something in him snapped, and all thoughts left his mind; the next thing he knew he had pinned his escort against the wall, muffling his cries.
"Quiet!" He snarled at the terrified guard, a young lad around his age. "Answer me quickly. Why were those guards dressed differently? What are they going to do with her?"
"Execution chamber." He gasped when Asbel allowed him to speak. "They're going to kill her."
Asbel reeled in shock, as his worst fears were realized. He swore under his breath and glanced around. After muttering a quick pre-emptive apology the Pejite punched the guard and sprinted back up the hallway.
The last time Nausicaa had stared at death she was calmly standing next to a baby ohmu, a herd of enraged insects marching towards her with unrelenting force. Even now, the sight of the execution room was much less terrifying than stampeding ohmus, that she felt even more relaxed than last time... Grief may have found her soul, but fear did not; she had seen this coming, accepted the fact, prepared herself for this moment - even experienced death once already. She was not afraid. The guards led her towards one of the rooms; she cared not which one.
Her life was meant to be used for others; she had felt convicted of that for as long as she could remember. Altruism ran deep in her veins, and she embraced it with joy, for few were called to such a magnificent way of life.
The door opened, revealing a room full of the most deadly combinations of jungle flora. Sheer panic attempted to strike her one last time, but she was invulnerable. She would carry out her purpose to her very last breath. With satisfaction almost, she stepped inside and the door shut behind her.
