Author's Note: This is a very short chapter. Cory's thought process is really dark in this chapter and he's not really thinking about consequences at this point. Hence why this is so short. He's acting on instinct and his instinct is telling him to run. I will say that this chapter ends with a suicide attempt. Also, Eric's words in this chapter are rather angry. Remember, he doesn't know how close to falling apart Cory is. All he knows is what his parents and Topanga have told him happened with Shawn. He knows that Cory disappeared for six days and then hurt Shawn. He's angry and rightfully so. He is not reacting with the intention of hurting Cory, he's only attempting to wake him up. Do not leave angry comments about Eric's behavior because I won't listen to it. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and remember to review.
Callidora.
Three
Shawn wasn't coming back, Cory realized. It was like acid being poured into his chest. He sat on the bed, his body heaving from the pain. And this time there was no Shawn to hold him. No Shawn to take care of him. He'd ruined everything. All over again. God. Cory closed his eyes and let the pain take him away for a long while. He was vaguely aware that he was crying but he didn't have the energy to stop himself. Shawn was gone and it was Cory's fault. He'd done this. He'd sent his best friend away. Disgust at himself roiled in his stomach and he clenched his hands into fists.
He couldn't stay here. Shawn would go to Topanga. She'd tell him where he was and then he'd have her here, trying to make everything okay again. And Cory didn't want everything to be okay. Nothing was going to be okay again. He stood up, walking almost mechanically to his car. He sat in the driver's seat for a long time before he picked up the phone. He dialed the phone number more familiar than his own and waited for the pickup.
"I'm leaving, Shawn. I'm sorry I fucked up again. I'm sorry I…I didn't mean to. But, since I can't seem to get it right, I'm leaving. Since you'll never see me again…and I won't have to worry about your reaction…it was you. The man I fell in love with? It was you. I love you. Goodbye, Shawn."
He hung up, not giving Shawn a chance to speak. And then he drove. Without a destination in mind, Cory just drove. His phone rang again beside him and he picked it up, flinging it out the window. He couldn't hurt them anymore. He wouldn't be the cause of their pain anymore. Vaguely, he was aware that he was driving towards his brother's place. He had to at least say goodbye to Eric. He and his older brother had fought like hell growing up but he couldn't leave without saying goodbye to his brother.
It was a two hour drive to Eric's place. Eric was, thankfully, the only one home when he got there. He knocked on the door, hands shaking, and Eric answered it almost immediately. His older brother let him in without a word.
"I'm just here to say…to say goodbye." Cory said.
"Goodbye? Really? That's all? No, hey, I'm sorry for calling my best friend and shattering his heart. No, hey, how's Shawn doing? He's not dead, right?" Eric's voice was derisive and angry, his eyes narrowed.
"What…what are you talking about?"
"Dad just called. Shawn showed up at Topanga's. They were trying to tell him to go back to you, to fix this, when you called." His older brother took a deep breath. When you hung up, Shawn collapsed. He seems to have cried himself into exhaustion, dad thinks. Dad's not mad at you, of course." Eric snorted. "Me, on the other hand, I want to punch you."
"What…why…?"
"You of all people know how Shawn is. You know how important trust is. You refuse to trust him and then, to add insult to injury, you tell him he'll never see you again." Eric was breathing hard now. "Are you fucking blind, Cory? He's been in love with you since you were kids! I wasn't mad at you for leaving Topanga. She made sure we knew that she didn't blame you. But I'm fucking pissed at you for this. Out of everyone you could have hurt, you had to do it to Shawn."
Cory took a deep breath. "This is for the best. Shawn…he'll find someone better. I won't…I won't be the cause of his unhappiness anymore." He whispered.
Eric shoved him. "You're a coward, Cory. And you need to leave before I do something I'll regret. Besides," He said, "I've got to get to Topanga's. They're afraid to leave Shawn on his own. I'm gonna do what I can to help him." He glared again as Cory backed towards the door.
"Fine. I'll go. None of you will ever see me again. This…this is best. You'll see. I promise."
Cory was in his car then, driving away and away and away and he wasn't breathing. Eric's words slammed into him. He'd hurt Shawn. He'd…Shawn never cried. Ever. And Cory had hurt him enough to make Shawn cry. The thought made Cory want to die. And really, what was stopping him? Maybe, if he was gone, Shawn could move on. They all could. He hadn't been suicidal last night. Last night, Shawn had been there and Cory felt sure that he would get through everything with him there. But Shawn was gone now and Cory…he couldn't do this. Not anymore.
He wasn't thinking about it as he yanked the steering wheel towards oncoming traffic. A pickup slammed into him, sending the car flying across the road. Pain burst through Cory's body and he felt strangely proud of himself as he lost consciousness. His last thought was a wish, a wish that someone would take care of Shawn now that Cory couldn't.
