Chapter 7
A scream tore from Anakin's throat. Hands were on him, and he flailed desperately, trying to get away from them.
"Anakin, it's ok. It's just me, Obi-wan. You're safe."
All he could think of was the hands-on him. He wanted them gone. "Don't touch me!"
The hands vanished at once. The light clicked on to reveal Obi-wan backing away from the bed. "Ani, sweetheart, it's ok. You just had a nightmare."
Reality slowly filtered through to Anakin's brain. He was here with Obi-wan, not back with Maul. Of course.
Obi-wan's face was filled with worry as he watched Anakin from the other side of the room. "Can I hold you, dearest?"
Anakin nodded, already ashamed of his outburst.
"I'm sorry."
"That's one dinner you owe me." Obi-wan's eyes twinkled as he pulled Anakin into his arms. "I told you, dearest, don't ever apologize for being afraid."
Anakin chuckled weakly. "I guess I'll make you dinner tomorrow, then."
"I'll take the day off work. I suggest you and Ahsoka do the same for college and school. We need to get both of you settled in here."
The thought filled Anakin's stomach with pleasant butterflies. Living with Obi-wan… it as more than he had ever hoped for. He could wake up every morning in Obi-wan's arms, and fall asleep every night after his nightmares to the sound of Obi-wan reading to him.
"Shall I read to you, dearest?"
"Yes, please."
As Anakin relaxed with his head in Obi-wan's lap, listening to the soothing sound of his voice, he thought that he could definitely get used to this.
The next morning, he texted Ahsoka telling her not to go to school, and that there was something important they needed to do today.
She was waiting for him when he limped into their living room. "Skyguy, what the hell happened to you?"
Anakin supposed he must look awful and did his best to stand straight, no matter how painful it was. "Nothing. I'm fine."
"Bullshit. You never came home last night! You didn't even message me!"
Anakin realized that she was right. He had completely forgotten to message her. "I'm so sorry, Snips. I… I forgot."
"It's my fault," Obi-wan said quickly. "I'm afraid I had Anakin so busy, he didn't have time to message you."
"Busy with – you know, what? Never mind. I don't want to know. Care to tell me why I'm not in school today?"
"We're moving in with Obi-wan."
Ahsoka's eyes went wide. "Wait, are you serious?"
"Very serious. Start packing up your things, Snips."
"You didn't think you needed to consult me on this?"
Anakin sighed. He couldn't tell Ahsoka the real reason for their moving. The thought of anyone except Obi-wan knowing was enough to make him want to crawl into a hole and die. "This is a good thing, Snips. Obi-wan lives in a better neighborhood than we do, and we'll have a lot more space at his place."
"I know that," Ahsoka snapped. "Would it kill you to have talked to me about it before making the decision, though?"
Anakin had hardly made the decision. If Obi-wan hadn't insisted, he never would have wanted to impose on him like this, but Obi-wan could be pretty persistent when he wanted to be, and who was Anakin to say no to something that would be good for both him and Ahsoka?
"I'm sorry, Snips. You're right. I should have talked to you before making the decision. If… if you really want to stay here, we can."
Obi-wan shot Anakin a look that told Anakin he wouldn't be accepting that decision any time soon, but Anakin elected to ignore him.
"No, I guess we can move. You're right. It will be better. I'm just surprised. I didn't know you guys were that serious."
I'm in love with him. He couldn't say that, of course.
"Well, we are," Obi-wan said firmly, and oh, how Anakin wished that he was telling the truth rather than simply helping Anakin hide the truth from Ahsoka. Obi-wan sounded so convincing, Anakin could almost pretend that it was real, that Obi-wan was as much in love with Anakin as Anakin was with him.
It didn't take long to pack up all their stuff. Anakin and Ahsoka didn't have much. They packed it into his and Obi-wan's cars and drove back to Obi-wan's house. They spent the rest of the day unpacking. Ahsoka was delighted with the size of the guest room, which would be her room now.
Anakin started cooking dinner while Obi-wan did something on his computer.
"You work too hard, you know that, right?"
Obi-wan rolled his eyes. "Yes, dear. Old habits are hard to break, I guess. But this isn't work I'm doing."
Anakin nodded absently as he grated cheese. Ahsoka was in her room doing homework. Obi-wan finished at his computer and came up behind Anakin, wrapping his arms around Anakin's waist.
"I want you to start learning self-defense, just in case. I've hired private security and I've got someone coming to put cameras in tomorrow, but I've also signed you up for weekly self-defense classes with a professional. If Maul does get near you, I want you to know how to put him down."
It was so sweet and thoughtful that Anakin felt tears threatening as he leaned back against Obi-wan.
"You didn't have to do all that."
I'm not worth it. I'm nothing more than a whore.
"I wanted to. And don't say things like that about yourself."
Anakin turned to face him, bemused. "Like what?"
"I can practically hear you thinking, Anakin. You think you're not worth the trouble, but you are. I promise you are."
Anakin wished Obi-wan didn't feel so responsible for him, but he couldn't deny that he treasured every sweet word and action.
How long before Obi-wan got tired of waiting for sex? Then, he and Ahsoka would be back in their old apartment, with Maul breathing down their necks. Anakin shivered and Obi-wan tightened his arms around him. "Are you alright?"
"Just thinking about Maul," Anakin admitted.
"He'll never touch you again," Obi-wan said fiercely.
Anakin smiled sadly. He believed that Maul wouldn't get to him while he was under Obi-wan's protection, but what happened after Obi-wan got tired of him? Maybe if he changed his name and moved to a different state with Ahsoka, they would be safe.
The thought of being so far from Obi-wan felt like a shard of ice in his heart.
Obi-wan started kissing his neck, effectively bringing him back to the present. Anakin turned in Obi-wan's arms and kissed him on the lips.
As their lips met, the scene changed, and he was back with Maul. Maul was thrusting in and out of him, tearing up his insides, and there was nothing Anakin could do to stop him.
Anakin was vaguely aware of his legs collapsing. Obi-wan caught him and gently lowered him to the floor."
"Anakin? Anakin, are you with me?"
"I'm here," Anakin mumbled. The vision of Maul was gone, leaving only Obi-wan's concerned face. He put an arm behind Obi-wan's neck, pulling him closer until their foreheads were pressed together and they were breathing each other's air.
His whole body was trembling, and he felt tears starting to slide down his face. His breathing hitched and Obi-wan pulled Anakin into his arms.
"I want him out of my head," Anakin sobbed. "Why won't he leave me alone?"
"Give yourself time," Obi-wan said gently. "It's only been a day. I apologize; I never should have kissed you so soon after what happened. Forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive. I should be stronger than this. I need to be better, for Ahsoka –"
"Ahsoka will be fine, dearest. She's stronger than you think."
"I wish she didn't need to be strong. I should be able to take care of her, but I can barely even take care of myself. I just feel so pathetic."
Anakin closed his eyes, his head pressed against Obi-wan's chest as Obi-wan held him tightly.
"Oh, Anakin, you're far from pathetic. You've been through a trauma. Give yourself time to heal, dearest."
Anakin clutched Obi-wan's shirt and let himself cry. There was something cathartic about breaking down in Obi-wan's arms, knowing that even though he felt like he was falling down an endless chasm, Obi-wan would be there to catch him at the bottom.
"Skyguy? What's wrong?"
Too late, Anakin remembered that they weren't alone in the house anymore. He and Obi-wan were sitting on the kitchen floor, and Anakin wasn't exactly being quiet. Of course, Ahsoka had heard.
He hastily pulled out of Obi-wan's grip and wiped his eyes. "Nothing, Snips. Why don't you go back to your room?"
Ahsoka frowned. "You can talk to me, you know. We're family. We should be able to talk to each other."
Anakin hated the note of hurt in her voice, but there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't tell her about Maul. Not only would she be terrified, but she would know what Anakin truly was. Not the brother she so admired, but a fraud, a hole for others to fuck.
"I don't want to talk about it," Anakin said shortly.
Ahsoka rolled her eyes but thankfully returned to her room.
"Shall we move this to the bedroom, dearest?"
"No, I'm ok. I can finish making supper."
"Then let me help you. Tell me what I can do."
Anakin and Obi-wan prepared supper together, not speaking much except for Anakin to give Obi-wan instructions. It was a comfortable silence, one that soothed Anakin's ragged thoughts. He listened to the sound of Obi-wan chopping up carrots, reminding himself that Obi-wan was here, and he and Ahsoka were safe.
Dinner was an awkward affair. Ahsoka kept shooting him anxious looks, which Anakin ignored. He knew that she was worried about him, but there was nothing to be done about that except try to act as normally as possible.
He smiled as he crawled into bed with Obi-wan later that night. Anakin couldn't believe that he'd get to sleep next to Obi-wan for weeks, maybe even months, depending on how long Obi-wan's patience with him lasted.
Even that thought couldn't negate the delicious feeling of safety that engulfed him as he snuggled closer to Obi-wan. The future could wait. Right now, he wanted to live in the moment, and the moment was perfect.
Over the next few days, they got into a pattern. Anakin would wake up and make breakfast for himself, Ahsoka and Obi-wan. He'd pack lunch for Obi-wan to take to work and then drive Ahsoka to school.
Anakin would then go to classes and spend some time studying before he needed to pick up Ahsoka. He'd spend the afternoon with Ahsoka, either helping her with her homework or doing his own studying. Once a week, he went to his self-defense classes, which he had to admit would prove very useful if he ran into Maul again.
He would start supper just before Obi-wan got home, which was the highlight of Anakin's day. Obi-wan would kiss him tenderly and ask him how he was doing. Anakin would step close and wrap his arms around Obi-wan's waist as they exchanged details of their days.
It was perfect, almost too good to be true.
That's probably because it was too good to be true. As happy as he was – and he was deliriously happy living with Obi-wan – Anakin knew that it couldn't last. He and Obi-wan hadn't gone further than a light peck on the lips, and while Obi-wan hadn't said anything about it, Anakin could hardly fail to miss Obi-wan's boners when they were cuddled up in bed or on the couch.
He knew that he needed to step up his game before Obi-wan decided to find someone else who could give him what he needed.
Anakin was afraid, though. He didn't want to be thrown into another flashback. He had enough of reliving Mauls' attacks when he was asleep; he didn't need that when he was awake too.
He wanted to talk to someone, but of course, no one else knew about his arrangement with Obi-wan.
Maybe it was time to tell someone.
Anakin fiddled with his phone. Obi-wan was in the shower and Ahsoka was doing homework. Dinner was in the oven. He had time before it was ready.
He took a deep breath and dialed Padme's number.
"Hey, Anakin."
"Hi, Padme. I, uh, I need your advice on something."
"Of course. Go ahead."
So, Anakin told her everything. Well, mostly everything. He left out Maul completely, telling her that Obi-wan was his first client from Sith Escort Services.
"I don't know what to do, Padme. I'm in love with him, and I know that this is just a business arrangement to him. I need him to keep me, but if I can't offer him sex, I know he won't. What do I do?"
"I don't understand. You said you're attracted to him, and he is attracted to you. Why can't you give him sex?"
Anakin scrambled to think of a reason but came up empty. "I just – I can't, ok? I'm not comfortable."
"There's something you're not telling me."
"Please, Padme, just leave it at that. I'm… I'm not ready to talk about the rest."
He'd never be ready to talk about the rest.
"Ok, Ani. You need to talk to Obi-wan about this. Tell him how you feel, and explain why you can't give him sex right now."
"He knows. I just – he's going to lose patience eventually. I know I have to give him sex, but I worry that I can't, and then where will I be?"
"Anakin, you need to talk to –"
Anakin suddenly realized that the water in the bathroom had been shut off. He'd been so focused on his conversation with Padme that he hadn't remembered to pay attention. How much had Obi-wan heard?
"I've got to go, Padme. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
Anakin hung up and tossed his phone aside. The bathroom door opened and Obi-wan came into the room, wrapped in a towel. His expression was inscrutable, and Anakin didn't dare ask him what he had heard. He was too afraid of the answer.
"Dinner is almost ready," he squeaked, before practically fleeing the room.
Anakin knew that Padme was wrong. Talking to Obi-wan about this was the worst possible thing he could do. It would scare Obi-wan away for sure. He needed to be brainstorming ways to keep Obi-wan, not ways to force Obi-wan to drop him sooner.
"Anakin? Dearest, are you alright?"
He forced himself to take a deep breath. "I'm fine, Obi-wan."
Unfortunately, Obi-wan knew him better than that. He came up behind Anakin, wrapping his arms around Anakin's waist. "Tell me what's bothering you. I can help. You know you can talk to me, Ani."
"Really, I'm fine. I'm just tired." Anakin turned in Obi-wan's arms and tried to kiss him, but Obi-wan turned his face away so that Anakin's kiss landed on his cheek.
Anakin pulled out of Obi-wan's grip, fighting back tears.
It was finally happening. Obi-wan was growing tired of him. He probably wasn't attracted to Anakin anymore. Or even if he was physically, Anakin's issues had become too tiresome for him to want to bother to pursue anything physical.
"Anakin –"
"It's fine, Obi-wan. I think… I think I'll sleep on the couch tonight."
"You don't need to do that, sweetheart. Come here. Let's talk about this. Whatever it is, you can tell me."
"There's nothing to talk about!" Anakin was losing his battle against tears. "I just – I need some time, Obi-wan."
Obi-wan moved forward, probably intent on comforting him, but Anakin took a step back. He needed to get used to dealing with his emotions without Obi-wan to help him. After all, Obi-wan wouldn't be around to help him much longer.
"I need some time," he repeated.
Obi-wan watched him sadly but didn't make a move to come closer again. "I understand, dearest. Take as much time as you need."
So, Anakin started sleeping on the couch. Most of their schedule stayed the same, except everything was different. Things between him and Obi-wan were strained and tense. Obi-wan kept showing signs of wanting to talk, but Anakin practically fled the room each time that happened.
He knew it was cowardly, but he didn't want this to end yet. He knew what Obi-wan wanted to talk to him about. This wasn't working for Obi-wan, and he wanted to find someone else.
There were no more sweet moments together, just an intense feeling of sadness whenever they were close. It was a nightmare. Anakin missed Obi-wan more than he ever would have imagined, and he had imagined it would be pretty brutal.
It was like he'd lost Obi-wan already. Now, he was just waiting for the final blow to fall. Obi-wan was probably allowing Anakin to delay because he felt responsible for him.
He didn't need to. Anakin had put most of the money from Sidious and Obi-wan into savings. He had enough to last him a good few months while he looked for a new job. Obi-wan didn't need to worry about him financially.
Emotionally was a different story. Anakin's nightmares were getting hard again without Obi-wan there to help him. He felt like he was falling apart from within, having the man he loved so close and yet so far from him.
Ahsoka didn't comment on the new situation, but Anakin could tell she was worried. She didn't want this to end either, but there was nothing either of them could do about it.
So, they continued in limbo, knowing that this had to end soon, with nothing to do but wait for the blow to fall.
