Author's Note: Here we have Shawn talking to Cory. The rest of the Matthews family (aside from Eric and Topanga) aren't in this chapter but they will be in later chapters. Unlike what I said before, Cory will wake in the next chapter. Which means we get to see a little bit through Cory's eyes next. Keep in mind, Cory's not at his best right now. This isn't going to be easy for him to work through. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and remember to review.

Callidora.

Five

Cory looked so small lying in the hospital bed. His eyes were still closed but he looked peaceful this time. Shawn sat in the little chair by the bed and took Cory's hand in his own. For a long time, Shawn simply stared at him. There was so much he wanted to say but he couldn't figure out where to start. So he sat for a long while, staring at Cory's face, thinking about all the times he'd taken for granted that Cory would always be there.

"I'm probably the only person who understands why you'd try to kill yourself, you know." Shawn kept his voice low, listening to the beep of the monitor that tracked Cory's heartbeat.

"When I was eighteen, I'd been in love with you for a full year. I hadn't told anyone because I didn't want anyone to think I was…disgusting. I hadn't yet fully accepted that I was gay and I hadn't even really tried to come to terms with being in love with you." Shawn sighed, squeezing Cory's limp hand. "I came so close to killing myself that year and no one else even knew it. No one knew that I wanted to die because I didn't want to be coddled or yelled at."

He paused, staring down at Cory. "I remember one night, we'd gotten into an argument about something, and I had fully convinced myself that I was better off dead. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror with a handful of pills when you called." Shawn gave a small, humorless laugh. "I threw the pills in the toilet and then went out to see what you wanted. I never got that close again but there were a few times that I wanted to do it."

"That's how I know how you felt. I've been there. I know how much it hurts to think that the person you're in love with doesn't want you. Trust me. It's the most painful thing on the planet. But you were wrong, Cor. I do love you. And I do want you. I've always wanted you. Which means you have to come back because I never got to tell you how wrong you were."

A hand placed itself on his shoulder and Shawn looked up to find Eric standing beside him. The other man took a seat on Cory's other side and looked at his little brother.

"You should listen to him, Cory. He's not lying. He really does love you." Eric said, staring down at his little brother.

He looked up at Shawn. "I don't know how he didn't see it for himself. Even back then, the fact that you were in love with him was pretty obvious." He laughed. "I remember once, mom and dad were talking and mom asked dad if he thought you'd ever marry. Dad just laughed and told her that the only person he saw you putting up with for the rest of your life was Cory."

"How was it obvious? I did everything I could to make sure no one noticed." Shawn asked.

Eric shrugged. "It was just the way you looked at him. Even then, I think he was in love with you. He just wasn't ready to realize it. You've always come first." He sighed, looking at Cory's still face. "We all liked Topanga but we knew, somehow, that it would be you and Cory someday. I think she did too."

A feminine laugh sounded behind them as Topanga stepped into the room. She dragged a chair next to Shawn and sat down.

"It took me a while to realize it. And when I did realize it, it kind of hurt." She sighed. "But, as long as Cory is happy, I'm happy."

Shawn looked away. "I remember when I realized how I felt about him…my first thought was that you were going to kill me."

Topanga rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't have. I would have been jealous, I can tell you that much. But…I wouldn't have been mad at you."

Shawn frowned at her. "Why would you have been jealous? You were the only thing Cory wanted back then." He asked.

"If Cory had realized how you felt about him back then, he probably would have realized his own feelings much sooner." She explained. "Then again, that might have been better. Maybe he wouldn't have thought he had to do this."

Shawn looked away, feeling guilty. He knew this was his fault. If he hadn't left Cory in that motel, none of this would have happened. He stared down at Cory, reassuring himself with the warmth of Cory's hand in his, and felt the guilt rolling around in his gut.

"This isn't your fault, Shawn. You didn't know that he'd do this." Eric said, sensing his thoughts somehow.

Shawn didn't look at him. "I should have. I should have seen it coming. I mean, I've known Cory forever. I know him better than he knows himself most days, I should have known that he was…that leaving would push this."

Topanga shoved his shoulder. "Shawn, you couldn't have seen it coming. None of us could have."

Shawn looked up at her. "You don't understand. Last night…I asked him if he was suicidal and he actually had to think about it. I should have known right then that this was a possibility."

"But you didn't." Eric sighed. "You were rightfully angry when you left, Shawn. It's not your fault that you didn't see this coming." He gave his head a little shake. "If anyone is to blame here, it's me. I'm the one who yelled at him before he left my house, who made him feel like shit."

Topanga shot Eric a look. "Eric, I was more than a little angry with him for that phone call. If he'd shown up at the apartment, I probably would have said something to him as well."

Shawn felt like rolling his eyes at them. "Neither of you should have been angry with him for that. He legitimately thought that I didn't care about him anymore. And then, Eric talked to him and he likely felt like he'd done more harm than good. Cory did this because we all failed him in some way. More so me because I'm the idiot that left in the first place."

They all turned to look at Cory, lying still and silent in bed before them. Shawn had never thought he'd see him like this and it felt like something was stabbing him in the chest. He squeezed Cory's hand again, watching as his best friend's chest rose and fell. He was alive. That was all that mattered to Shawn right then. Cory would wake up and then there would be problems that they would work through. But they would do it together. Staring down at his best friend's face, Shawn swore then and there that he would never leave him again.