Author's Note: Here, Cory wakes up. The Matthews parents aren't featured much in this chapter because I wanted to focus on Shawn and Cory for a bit. Rest assured they WILL be brought back to interact more with Cory. Right now, they're giving Shawn time with him. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and remember to review.
Callidora.
Six
The first thing Cory noticed when he opened his eyes was that his entire body hurt. The second was that he was alive. He hadn't expected that. He'd fully expected to die when he'd jerked the car. Therefore, the fact that he'd awakened was something that had his heart sinking. And then he glanced at his side, feeling something in his hand, and felt his heart stop. Shawn was there. Holding Cory's hand in one of his while looking at a magazine in his lap. Cory stared at him, his eyes very wide, for a long time. He knew he should say something, to alert Shawn that he was awake, but he couldn't find his voice. When Shawn finally looked up at him, his own eyes widened.
"Cor? How do you feel?"
Cory didn't know what to say. Why was Shawn even here? Shawn hated him. He stared at him, his eyes confused.
"Cory? Are you okay?"
Finally, he found his voice. "What're you doing here?" He asked.
"Where else could I be?" Shawn asked, as though he found it unthinkable to be anywhere else.
"I didn't think you wanted to be here." Cory admitted, his eyes on his lap.
"I don't want to be anywhere else, Cor."
The raw honestly in Shawn's voice made Cory look up, his eyes meeting Shawn's for the first time. His best friend was staring at him with an expression that made Cory want to cry. It was an expression that said that his heart was breaking. Had Cory done that? Was that his fault? Eric's words came flying back to him, each one punching him in the gut. He'd done this. He'd hurt Shawn. Tears clogged his throat and he closed his eyes against them, not able to speak through the sudden rush of memories that swept through him.
He'd done the one thing he'd sworn never to do. He'd hurt Shawn. He had always sworn that he'd never be one of the assholes that had hurt him. In the end, though, Cory was no better than anyone else in Shawn's life. He felt a tear slipping down his face. A warm hand reached out, wiping the tear from his cheek. Cory opened his eyes to see Shawn staring down at him worriedly.
"Whatever I did, I'm sorry. I…I can leave if you'd like. Eric and Topanga are right outside with Jack." Shawn said in a small voice.
"No!" Cory said quickly. "No…no don't leave. Please…" He hated the begging note in his voice but he couldn't control it.
"Okay. I won't leave. I just…I don't want you to cry is all. I thought maybe you didn't want me here."
"Are you stupid? I always want you here." Cory said without really thinking about it.
"I'm sorry for leaving the motel. I should have….I swore I wouldn't do that to you but I did and I'm sorry. I…I never meant to make you feel like you weren't wanted."
But Cory shook his head. "No. Shawn I should have just been honest with you." He swallowed hard. "But I was so scared that you'd…that you'd hate me. Everyone's already going to be angry enough when they find out that I left Topanga…I didn't want you mad at me too."
"I could never hate you, Cor. Never." Shawn smiled. "And for the record, everyone knows what happened with Topanga and they're not mad at you. Not even Topanga is mad."
Cory sighed. "I didn't want to hurt you but…I knew that if I told you who it was that I fell in love with, I'd lose you too and I couldn't risk that…"
Shawn sighed heavily. "Cory, nothing you could ever tell me would make me leave you. You've been my best friend since forever."
"Even if I told you I was in love with you?" Cory couldn't look at him, couldn't see the disgust on his face. So he focused on his hands instead.
"I don't think that's going to be a problem. I've been in love with you since I was sixteen." Shawn said in a forcibly light voice.
Cory's head snapped up, his eyes meeting Shawn's. There was no hint of untruth in his gaze, only a calm sort of fear. Fear of rejection, maybe, or fear of Cory's reaction.
"Are…are you serious?" Cory heard himself ask.
"Of course I am. I fell in love with you when I was sixteen and I've never been able to stop."
Cory frowned at him. "But then…why did you never say anything?"
Shawn raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you really have to ask that? I mean, you were head-over-heels in love with Topanga at the time. I had zero chance."
Cory gaped at him. Maybe he was in a coma and he wasn't actually awake. He'd been absolutely sure that Shawn would be repulsed by him. Instead, Shawn was admitting his own feelings. But…could Cory trust that Shawn actually loved him? Or was Shawn only faking it to make Cory feel better? The thought left a bitter taste in Cory's mouth.
"You don't have to tell me that you love me if you really don't..." Cory said, unable to look at Shawn.
Shawn snorted. "Come on, Cory. Do you really think I would do something like that? If I didn't mean it, I wouldn't say it."
Cory still couldn't look at him. He wanted to believe that there was truth in Shawn's words, but he couldn't. There was something inside of him telling him that he couldn't trust him, couldn't trust anyone. He wanted to trust Shawn but there was an aching in his chest that told him he couldn't.
"Cor, I swear I'm not lying. I love you." When Cory still didn't speak, Shawn gave a long sigh. "What do I have to do to make you trust me?"
Cory looked up at him, his blood suddenly rushing to his head. Shawn still didn't think he trusted him. And if Shawn didn't think he trusted him, he would leave again. The thought made Cory feel like vomiting. He closed his eyes against the sudden rush of tears that filled his eyes at the thought of Shawn leaving. Possibly forever this time.
"Shawn, I trust you. Believe me, I trust you more than anyone in this world. It's me I don't trust." Cory whispered, keeping his eyes on the bedsheet.
He could feel Shawn gaping at him. "What in the…Cory, that doesn't even make sense. How on earth can you not trust yourself?"
Cory looked at him then. "I mess everything up." He took a deep breath. "I mean, look at the first – and only – person I was in love with. I promised her I would never stop loving her and I did. I mean…Shawn…what if I screw things up with you? I don't think I could forgive myself if I did that."
Shawn laughed, sounding relieved. "Cory, can I ask you something?"
"Well, duh."
"How long have we been friends?"
"Since we were kids." Cory said, frowning.
"And, in that time, have you ever screwed anything up for me?"
"Well…"
"Cory, you have never screwed things up for me. You've always been my best friend. Nothing you can do would ever fuck things up for me. If we don't work out as a romantic relationship…then we don't. But nothing will ever change our friendship. You're the best friend I've ever had, Cor. All I'm asking is that you give me…us…a chance."
Cory looked into Shawn's eyes, searching his gaze for any sign of mistruth. When he found none, he smiled softly.
"Okay. Okay, I'll give us a chance." Cory said.
Shawn's whole face lit up, the grin stretching wide across his face. "Are you sure?"
Cory nodded. "I don't think I've ever been more sure of anything in my life. I know I want you…and if you say you want me too…then why can't we give this a try?"
"So, does this mean we don't have to hear you two pining for each other anymore?" A voice asked from the doorway.
Cory looked up to the doorway and Jack entering the room, Eric on his heels. As they watched, Jack reached back and linked his hands with Eric's, pulling him forward. Cory couldn't believe what he was seeing. Eric and Jack? When did that happen. Seeing his expression, Jack and Eric took seats beside Shawn.
"You look surprised." Jack said, smiling a little. Eric still hadn't spoken, he looked almost ashamed.
"You…and my brother…who has always been the biggest playboy on the planet…are a thing?" Cory asked, making even Eric smile a bit.
"I discovered that I was bi about a year after I met Jack. Last summer, we ended up in bed together after a night of rather heavy drinking."
Jack grinned. "The rest is history. We've been together ever since. Just haven't specifically told anyone because we think it's funny when they realize it."
Eric looked at Cory, his face intent. "I'm sorry for yelling at you, Cory. I…I didn't think…"
"Shut up, Eric. You were angry and you were trying to make me use my head. It's not your fault I'm a brainless moron." Cory said, cutting off his brother's apology mid-sentence.
Jack smiled. "Thank you. I've had to put up with this blaming himself since I got off work at four this morning."
"So that's where you were. I wondered." Shawn commented.
Jack nodded. "We live together but I work graveyard shifts so I was asleep when Cory came over. And, because Eric didn't bother to call and tell me that anything had happened until after I was already at work, I was forced to work at least half of my shift before coming home." He rolled his eyes at Eric affectionately. "Luckily, a buddy I work with came in at the last minute to cover the rest of my shift."
Eric nodded. "He got here around midnight. I tried getting him to go home but he won't listen to me."
"I wasn't going to be able to sleep until I knew Cory was going to be okay." Jack said.
"Why don't you both go home and sleep? I'm sure Amy and Alan will be back soon. Besides, Topanga and I are here." Shawn said.
Eric yawned. "I think we will. Want me to send Topanga in?"
Cory was a little wary about that but he nodded anyways. He would take whatever Topanga had to tell him. After all, he was the one who had broken her heart. It was only fair that he listened to her. Jack and Eric patted his shoulder and left the room, speaking quietly to someone outside the room for a moment. A second later, Topanga stepped into the room.
"You're awake." She said, taking the chair next to Shawn.
"I suppose I am." Cory said.
"Good. Have you and Shawn settled things?" She asked, looking between them.
Cory looked at her. Why was she asking such an odd question? He'd broken her heart because he was in love with Shawn, why was she asking about him? He'd thought that Shawn would be last person she'd want to talk about. Realizing that she was still waiting for an answer, he spoke quietly.
"Yeah, we did. We've agreed to give things a try." He said in a soft voice.
Topanga gave him a brilliant smile. "I'm glad." Noticing his confused expression, she chose her next words more carefully. "I know you were expecting me to beg you to stay or to be mad at Shawn but I can promise you that I'm not. How can I be unhappy with this when I know it's going to make you happy? You and Shawn…I should have seen this coming a long time ago. I mean, you guys are closer than anyone else I've ever met. You take care of each other and I…I really don't think any of us want to see you guys apart ever again." She said.
Cory balked at the honesty in her tone. "But still, I made you a promise. I promised that I would never do that to you…and I did."
"There are some promises you can't keep. Cory, I knew from the very beginning that there was a possibility that you wouldn't be able to keep that promise. What's important to me is that we gave it our best shot. We did. There's not much else I can really ask for."
"I'm sorry it didn't work out like we wanted it to." Cory said, looking at her.
She smiled at him. "It's all right Cory. We both deserve to be happy and, if Shawn is who makes you happy, then I'm happy for you."
Cory looked at Shawn, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "He does. I think, with Shawn, I'll be happy." He said at last, watching as Shawn's entire face lit up.
"Good." She bent and kissed his forehead. "I'm going to head back to the apartment now. I'm needed at work in a few hours and I need a shower."
She left, leaving Cory and Shawn alone. Shawn lay his head on the bed and closed his eyes. Cory watched him for a moment before rolling his eyes and shifting slightly, making enough room for Shawn on the bed.
"Get up here." Cory said, nudging Shawn's shoulder with one hand.
"You sure?" Shawn asked.
"Of course. You look like you haven't slept and you're going to get a crick in your neck sleeping like that."
Shawn didn't say anything as he climbed into the bed beside Cory. Laying his head against Cory's chest, Shawn closed his eyes and was soon asleep. Cory followed not long after, never noticing the flash of his mother's camera from the doorway. Soon, there would be work to do and conversations to be had. But right now, the only thing Cory wanted was to curl against Shawn and sleep. So he did.
