Chapter 9
"I really should keep going on dinner. We can't eat too late; Ahsoka has an early morning tomorrow."
"Mhmm. Do you want me to stop?" Obi-wan kept pressing kisses to the side of Anakin's neck.
"God, no," Anakin moaned. "Keep doing that."
Obi-wan obliged him, moving to the other side of his neck and going up to nibble at one of Anakin's ears. Anakin could feel himself getting hard just from these light touches, and did his best to ignore it. He wanted to enjoy Obi-wan's kisses, and thinking about how painfully hard he was and how he had no way to relieve himself of that pressure wouldn't help.
To say Anakin's last attempt at masturbation had gone badly was an understatement.
The moment he'd taken his naked cock in his hand, he'd been filled with visions of Maul's naked cock, which had had him collapsing to the floor and crying pathetically until Obi-wan found him about ten minutes later.
Obi-wan had tucked him into bed and made him a mug of hot chocolate before reading to him. Ahsoka was learning to leave the two of them alone when Anakin got into one of his states. She had even rushed to get Obi-wan when she walked in on him having a panic attack in the bathroom, having thought he'd seen Maul in the mirror.
She was worried, but always seemed comforted when Anakin emerged from the bedroom tucked under Obi-wan's arm and considerably calmer.
Anakin brought his attention back to Obi-wan's lips. Obi-wan sucked on his neck, marking him. Anakin blushed at the thought of how much concealer he'd have to use before college tomorrow if Obi-wan kept going like he was.
Not that Anakin wanted him to stop. He loved being marked by Obi-wan.
Anakin tangled his hands in Obi-wan's hair, pulling him up so that their lips met.
Anakin moaned into the kiss, letting his mouth open a little. Obi-wan didn't take advantage of the opportunity, electing to continue exploring Anakin's lips. Anakin tentatively poked his own tongue forward. Obi-wan eagerly opened for him, and then Anakin's tongue was in Obi-wan's mouth, and it was the best thing he'd ever felt.
Obi-wan slowly let his tongue slither into Anakin's mouth, and they were breathing each other's air, so tightly intertwined that it was difficult to tell where Anakin's body ended and Obi-wan's began.
Anakin could feel Obi-wan's erection pressed against his leg, and it took all of his willpower not to reach a hand down and rub it. They were going slow, he reminded himself.
"Gross!"
They broke apart to see Ahsoka grimacing at them.
"Really? You couldn't keep that in the bedroom? Walking into the kitchen to see my brother's tongue down his boyfriend's throat was so not on my to-do list for today."
Anakin felt his face going bright red, but Obi-wan just chuckled. "Sorry, Ahsoka. We'll be more careful in the future."
Anakin just grinned as Ahsoka grimaced again. In truth, he was far too euphoric to be worried about her. This was the farthest he and Obi-wan had ever gone without sending him into a flashback. He could feel Obi-wan's hard cock pressed against his leg. His own cock was just as hard, and he resisted the urge to grind into Obi-wan, reminding himself that his sister was watching.
Over the past two weeks, he and Obi-wan had spent a lot of time kissing. They were moving very slowly. Both of them wanted to work up to sex, but Obi-wan seemed in no hurry. He was perfectly content kissing Anakin, and he was often the one to pull back when Anakin tried to take things further.
Obi-wan would remind Anakin to go slowly and be mindful of his past trauma when Anakin's mind was too fuzzed with lust to think clearly.
Anakin didn't know how long it would take them to work up to anything more than kissing, but Obi-wan was in no hurry, and Anakin had to admit, he was enjoying these make-out sessions. He wasn't in any rush to experience a flashback again, so he continued with the slow pace that Obi-wan kept reminding him of.
Often, after they finished making out, Obi-wan would vanish to the bathroom to take care of his need. Anakin wished he could do the same with himself, but he wasn't willing to risk another flashback. He took a lot of cold showers.
Thankfully, Ahsoka didn't comment on that.
She was settling in well. They hadn't really had much space in their old apartment, but here she could have friends over easily.
Anakin thought that he was happier now than he ever had been before in his life. Living with Obi-wan was like a dream come true. Every day, Anakin fell more deeply in love with him.
All in all, things were going shockingly well. Anakin had worried at first about how well Obi-wan would deal with living with a teenager, but he and Ahsoka got on well, and he held up just fine when she was in one of her snippy moods.
Anakin should have known that it was all too good to last.
He and Ahsoka were studying at the dining room table. She had an English test, and he had a project to hand in, for which he needed to do quite a bit of research.
Anakin got up to go to the bathroom. On the way back, he paused outside Obi-wan's office at the sound of his name. Anakin had had a particularly rough night last night, and Obi-wan had insisted on working from home today in case Anakin needed him.
The door was closed, and Anakin knew he shouldn't eavesdrop, but then he heard his name again and curiosity overwhelmed him. He moved closer to the door, listening.
"I don't care that Anakin used to be an escort! Yeah, well, the investors are just going to have to suck it, aren't they? I'm not getting rid of Anakin! I don't care how bad it is for business that I have a former escort living with me, it's none of their business."
There was a pause while Obi-wan listened to whoever he was talking to. "I don't care if they want to pull out," he said flatly. "The business will take a hit, but it will survive. Yes, of course, Anakin is worth it! Who the hell do you think you are, asking me that?"
Anakin slowly backed away, trying to control his breathing. He hurried into the bedroom and closed the door behind him. He sank to the ground, shaking.
This was his worst nightmare. It was one thing for Obi-wan to turn his personal life upside down for Anakin. It was quite another for him to do the same with his business. Anakin had already caused Obi-wan so much trouble. He couldn't bear for his business to take a major hit. Anakin wouldn't let Obi-wan's ridiculous sense of responsibility for him drag his business down.
There was only one thing to do. Tears slid down his face as he started packing his things.
"Ahsoka." Anakin shot an anxious glance toward Obi-wan's office. Thankfully, the door was still closed.
"What's wrong, Skyguy?"
"Pack your things, quietly. We're leaving."
"WHAT?"
"Keep your voice down!" he hissed. "I want to be out of here before Obi-wan is done with his business call.
"We can't just leave, Anakin! We need him. You need him."
"I'll be fine," Anakin snapped. "Just get your stuff, Snips, or we're leaving it behind."
Ahsoka gave him a venomous look but did as he said. Anakin tiptoed out, locking the door behind them and sliding the key under it for Obi-wan to find.
Part of him desperately wanted to be caught and stopped. Obi-wan would hold him close and say sweet words that would sway Anakin into staying.
That wasn't what was best for Obi-wan, though. Obi-wan spent so much time trying to do what was best for Anakin. It was time Anakin returned the favor.
As soon as they got into the car, Ahsoka burst into protests.
"I don't know what kind of argument you guys had, but it can't be so terrible that it can't be fixed. We should turn around now, and you two should talk it out."
"That won't help, Snips."
"But you need him!"
"I've got enough money saved up to last us until I find a new job. We'll be fine, don't you worry."
"It's not just about the money! You need him! I can tell by the way you look at him. He's the only one you've told, isn't he? About what happened to you?"
Anakin hadn't been able to convince Ahsoka that nothing had happened, but he had at least gotten to the stage where she didn't pry. She simply called Obi-wan and left him to piece Anakin back together again.
What the hell was Anakin going to do without him? Ahsoka was right, he needed Obi-wan. Anakin already missed him so much it was like a constant ache in his gut. He knew that Obi-wan would be relieved not to have to deal with Anakin anymore, but that did little to assuage his heartbreak.
By the time they trooped back into their old apartment, his phone was ringing. It was Obi-wan.
Anakin hung up and turned off his phone.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Answer him! Talk about whatever is bothering you."
"This isn't the kind of thing talking can fix, Snips."
"Bullshit! Obi-wan can fix anything."
He really could, Anakin knew that much, but he didn't want Obi-wan to have to suffer because of him. Yes, Obi-wan would probably find a way to make sure his business survived despite losing those big investors, but Anakin didn't want him to have to. When you loved someone, you wanted what was best for them.
"It's better this way, Snips. He – he'll be better off without me."
"Are you seriously that dumb? Obi-wan adores you! He'll be heartbroken to find you're gone."
"He'll be lonely at first, but he'll find someone else. Someone better."
"He doesn't want anyone else! He wants you!"
"Yeah, well, we don't always get what we want. I'm done arguing about this, Snips. Just – please, go to your room. I need time to think."
Anakin needed time to cry in private, but Ahsoka wasn't to know that. He did his best to keep his sobs quiet, but he suspected that Ahsoka could hear him, even through the closed door.
As if the universe hadn't been cruel enough to him today, when he finally turned on his phone, ignoring the fifteen missed calls and messages from Obi-wan, he found that he had an email from his college.
Dear Mr. Skywalker
It has come to our attention that you have recently been in the employ of Sith Escort Services. This is behavior unbecoming of any student at an academy as prestigious as ours, and I'm afraid we must inform you that your place here had been revoked.
Sincerely
Depa (Dean)
Anakin's hands were trembling so badly that he dropped the phone. New tears burst from his eyes.
It was over. He'd messed everything up. Not only was Obi-wan's business in danger because of him, but now he wouldn't even get his degree. He'd be stuck working menial jobs forever and he'd never be able to do better for Ahsoka.
His phone started ringing. Obi-wan, again. Anakin was so tempted to answer, to let Obi-wan swoop in and fix everything like he always did, but he couldn't. If he truly loved Obi-wan, then he had to let him go.
Only Ahsoka's threat of calling Padme the next day got Anakin out of bed. He drove her to school and came home to collapse in bed. He cried some more, but then forced himself to get up. He felt too pathetic like this. He couldn't spend the whole day in bed crying, not again.
He almost sat down to do college work, but then remembered that he didn't have college anymore. That realization almost sent Anakin back to his bed, but he resisted. He needed to find a job. He had enough money for now, but it wouldn't last forever.
So, Anakin started looking and applying for jobs online. It gave him a weird sense of déjà vu. This was exactly what he'd been doing a couple of months ago before he met Obi-wan. So much had changed in that time.
Anakin would never be the same. He knew that. His love for Obi-wan had changed him. He would have to find a way to move on, though. Obi-wan was better off without him.
After Anakin had applied for over a dozen jobs, he finally gave himself permission to be pathetic again. He spent the rest of the morning crying in bed, forcing himself up only when he needed to pick Ahsoka up from school.
He turned on his phone just as she was getting started with her homework. Twenty missed calls and voice messages from Obi-wan, as well as countless texts. Maybe Anakin should have left a note, explaining what he did. Then, perhaps Obi-wan wouldn't be calling so often, tempting Anakin with every call.
He had thought it would be better this way – a clean break – but perhaps he had misjudged. He toyed with the idea of messaging Obi-wan to explain, but he knew it was too dangerous. Establishing a conversation with Obi-wan would be a mistake.
Anakin knew that if Obi-wan decided to convince him to come back, Anakin would cave. He desperately wanted to go back and pretend like all this had never happened. It wouldn't take much to convince him.
That's why he had to stay strong and stay away from Obi-wan. He had to do what was best for the man he loved.
"You're being ridiculous," Ahsoka told him.
"You don't know what you're talking about," Anakin growled. "This is for the best."
"Whose best? Certainly not mine or yours!"
"Obi-wan's," Anakin gritted out.
"If you think he'd be better off without you, you must be blind. Have you not seen the way he looks at you? He loves you!"
Anakin flinched violently. "Don't say that," he whispered. "He doesn't. He just feels responsible for me."
"Where the hell are you getting that from?"
"It's complicated, Snips. You don't have all the information, and no, I'm not willing to give it to you. It's between Obi-wan and me."
"Clearly, it's not, since you're not talking to him. If it really was a problem between you, you'd be talking about it and trying to fix it. He'd do anything for you, Skyguy. I don't understand."
"That's just the problem! He'd be willing to let his business crash and burn for me!"
Ahsoka's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"
Anakin sighed. She probably wasn't going to let this go without some kind of explanation. "The people at Obi-wan's work found out some stuff about me. It's private… but it's to do with what happened to me. I did some things I'm not proud of. His investors have taken offense to me living with him. They're going to pull out of the company if Obi-wan doesn't get rid of me."
"Obi-wan would never –"
"Exactly, that's the problem! I know he would never do it, which is exactly we had to leave. I… I love him, Snips. When you love someone, you do what's best for them, even if that isn't what's best for you."
"You are what's best for Obi-wan," Ahsoka said fiercely. "If you think for one second he'll be better off like this, then you're even crazier than I thought."
"But the investors –"
"Fuck the investors. Obi-wan can find new ones. He hasn't gotten to where he is now by being bad at convincing people to take a chance on his business. He can't find another you."
"Yes, he can, and he will. He'll find someone much better than me."
"There's no one better than you," Ahsoka said with absolute conviction. If only she knew… but Anakin could never tell her.
"Please, just drop it, Snips."
Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "Fine, but when Obi-wan fixes all of this, I reserve the right to tell you that you're an idiot."
"Fine," Anakin mumbled. This was one thing Obi-wan couldn't fix. Anakin wasn't good enough for him and Obi-wan couldn't change that.
The doorbell rang, jolting Anakin out of his dismal thoughts. He walked over to the door and looked through the peephole, doing his best to suppress a groan. Obi-wan was there. Of course, he was. He couldn't leave well enough alone, could he? Apparently not. Anakin was dearly tempted to ignore him, but Obi-wan was already ringing the bell again, a determined expression on his face.
Anakin supposed he may as well get this over and done with. He would tell Obi-wan why he had left, and then Obi-wan would go and let Anakin get on with his sad, miserable life.
"If you don't let him in, I will," Ahsoka warned.
"How do you know who it is?"
Ahsoka's face went red.
"Snips! What did you do?"
"Don't be mad, ok? He called me this morning, during break. He was so worried, Skyguy. He was going to call the police and file a missing persons report. I had to tell him."
"What, exactly, did you tell him?"
"Just that you're safe, and we're back at our own apartment. I told him that if he wants to know anything else, he needs to talk to you."
Anakin supposed he couldn't blame her. He wouldn't have wanted the police to waste their time with him. He should have realized that Obi-wan would freak if he left without a note. Obi-wan felt responsible for Anakin's safety, and he knew that Maul was probably still after him. Of course, he assumed the worst.
"It's ok, Snips. You did what you had to. Just please, don't contact him again. I don't want to make this any harder than it already is."
Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "Are you going to let him or what?"
Anakin sighed as obi-wan rang the bell again. "I suppose I'd better."
He braced himself and opened the door.
