=Normal POV=
[Friday, 5/24/2019; 5:30 pm]
[Berk, Forger/Haddock Home]

Hayden was out of school from the 13th to the 15th with his concussion and returned to school for the 16th and 17th. Hayden served his ESD(Extended School Detention) on Friday because he had a doctor's appointment on Thursday for his son, and himself. Monday the 20th of May started finals, and that lasted until today the 24th. The exams were not hard for Hayden to complete knowledge wise, but the writing part was difficult because his left wrist was broken. Somehow, Hayden managed to use his right hand to do the work, and things were fine. Next Friday, the 31st was the talent show. Hayden had allowed for the friends to come over on the 17th and 19th to practice. Hayden was going to let them come over tonight too, but he changed his mind at lunch, saying he didn't feel good and they'd get together Saturday or Sunday.

The friends and Gabriel were concerned for Hayden's newfound anger. Gabriel was very shocked to learn about what happened on the 13th. After Hayden fell asleep when Trayden brought him home; Trayden sat down with Gabriel and expressed his worries for Hayden. This made Gabriel scared too, but Gabriel said that Hayden might not be angry at all; that he's only using it to hide the pain, hurt, and sadness about the time of year and being attacked on the 10th. But then again; Hayden could just be pissed off because of what happened. Gabriel said that for now; they had to watch him. Trayden agreed and said he and the other friends would do their part at school.

However, things had taken a strange turn during the week Hayden was recovering from his concussion. Dr. Anderson retired, leaving Hayden with no psychiatrist and his pills were out as of Monday night. Dr. Anderson gave no warning about his retirement, but it turns out that the letter of such never made it in the mail. But Dr. Anderson had given all his patients a month's notice. Gabriel was now scrambling to find someone else because Hayden's mood changed drastically without the medication for a few days. Surprisingly; Hayden hadn't entirely lost it, but he did have moments where he just broke down in a fit of emotions. Tonight was no different, but Hayden was slowly losing grip on himself.

How Hayden made it through finals was beyond him, perhaps pure power of will not to snap was the cause. But that wasn't the case now with finals over; Hayden was feeling everything when school wasn't in session. Hayden even told Gabriel to keep Spencer away from, so Hayden didn't freak out at random and risk hurting his son in one of his fits. Hayden was finding it harder and harder to keep himself in check; he had no appetite, he couldn't sleep. Hayden was falling apart and worse, the suicidal thoughts started on Tuesday night when it had been a full twenty-four hours off his medication. Hayden didn't tell anyone, but he also didn't do anything to himself.

Currently, Hayden was at home, locked in his room. Gabriel was feeding Spencer and himself dinner, but Hayden elected not to eat. At this point; he was only eating at lunch, and nothing more than a sandwich with water to drink. Hayden's shaking was noticeable at school; the friends took notice but remembered what Hayden said about backing off for the time being, so they didn't want to push him. Also, the friends and Trayden had no idea about Hayden not going to his appointments or not having his medication. Hayden had been exactly like he was when the friends met him; quiet, reserved, withdrawn, scared, nervous, falling into flashbacks, nightmares, and panic attacks.

At the moment, Hayden was dealing with one of his freakouts now. Hayden was on his bed, knees pulled up and arms locked around them while rocking back and forth. Hayden's desire to commit suicide was high and reaching a point that he couldn't fight it back anymore. Hayden went into his nightstand drawer, locating the bottle of his migraine pills and his black-handled knife. Hayden shakily set the knife to his right wrist and applied pressure before dragging the blade across his wrist twice. Blood began to seep out and drip down his arm and into his lap or on the bed. Hayden went to do it a third time, but he suddenly closed his eyes as a memory came forward.

-Flashback; 6/24/2018-

"If you start feeling this way again; I want you to tell someone. I don't care who, but let them in to help. If you feel this way, ask for help to make it stop. Alright? Promise me?" Trayden looked at him.

"I-I promise," Hayden replied.

"Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it, okay? There is no shame in getting help, and there is nothing wrong with asking for it either," Trayden informed. "You can always come to me; you know that. I will listen, I will hold you; I will even sing for you. Whatever it takes for you to help you feel better, tell me, and I will do it. I promise that I am here for you, to help you through this. Do you want help, Hayden?"

-End Flashback-

Hayden felt a searing pain on his right wrist; he saw that he'd cut himself again. Hayden instantly dropped the knife on the bed as it bounced to the floor. "N-No…No, I don't do this anymore…" Hayden went into his bathroom to grab a rag from the closet; he set it on his wrist before searching through one of the drawers and located some gauze and wrappings. Hayden washed his wrist in the sink before getting the antibacterial cream; then applying it over his cuts, ignoring the sting. Hayden placed the gauze on and then wrapped it. Hayden pulled his sleeve down and exited his bedroom.

"Hayden, is that you?" Gabriel asked.

"Y-Yeah…" Hayden replied while going into the living room.

"Are you alright?" Gabriel inquired.

"N-No…" Hayden shook his head, body still shaking.

"What can I do, lad? Please…I'm worried about you…" Gabriel said.

"I-I don't know…I don't know. I-I can't shake the feeling, Uncle Gabe…I ca-can't do this…" Hayden cried. "I can't make them stop…"

"Make what stop, lad?" Gabriel asked, worried.

"Th-The sui-suicidal thoughts…" Hayden admitted. "The feeling of wanting to die…Won't go away and I can't stop the desire t-to kill myself…"

"Easy…Easy now," Gabriel tried to get closer. "What do you want to do? Do you want to go to the hospital?"

"No! No…Please, not again!" Hayden begged.

Gabriel smacked himself for asking that question; he knew Hayden didn't ever want to return to the mental hospital after what happened last time. "How about Trayden then? You wanna see Tray? You usually go to him when your upset and need help. You asked for him last June, remember? Let's see him okay? I'll drive you over," he suggested. Hayden considered the idea, and after the flashback he had; maybe he should. Hayden nodded to Gabriel. "Alright. Go get your shoes on," he said. Hayden went to put his shoes on while grabbing his wallet and phone.

"Re-Ready…" Hayden told his Godfather, who just finished getting Spencer secured in the car seat and getting the diaper bag.

"Into the truck," Gabriel stated. Hayden left the house with Gabriel and Spencer minutes later and went over to Trayden's.

. . .

[5:45 pm]
[Berk; Raseri House]

Gabriel got Spencer in his arms, the bag on his shoulder while Hayden got out slowly. Gabriel went to the door and knocked a few time. Rachel answered it with a smile.

"Hello, Gabriel, Hayden, and Little Spencer. Hayden joining the sleepover?" Rachel asked.

Gabriel shook his head. "I'll explain later, but Hayden needs Tray, now please?…" Gabriel said, pleading almost. Rachel looked back at Hayden, who was shaking and crying.

"Come inside," Rachel said gently. Gabriel let Hayden in first, Rachel brought him right to the larger living room where the friends were hanging out. "Trayden…Gabriel said Hayden needs you now," she informed. Trayden saw Hayden shaking, crying, and looking like he was having trouble staying on his feet. Trayden got up instantly and took his mother's place at Hayden's side.

"Babe? Babe, talk to me…" Trayden said gently.

"N-Need y-you…" Hayden forced out. "C-Can't do this…It won't go away, and I can't do it. I-I ca-can't stop thinking about it…I-I need help…I-I need you…" Hayden buried his face into Trayden's chest, holding onto him tightly. Trayden was very confused, but it sounded like when Hayden didn't have his second pill the night of their 18th birthday. Regardless, Hayden needed him, and he promised he'd always be there for Hayden. Trayden wrapped his arms around Hayden's figure.

"Okay…Okay…Easy. I'm here…Ssh…" Trayden soothed. "Gabriel…What happened?" he asked. "What's he talking about? I need to understand this…"

"Dr. Anderson retired, we never got the notice…Hayden hasn't been to any appointments because of everything going on with the attack, recovering, and what not. So we never got a warning in visits either. By the time the letter came; it was too late…And Hayden's meds ran out on Monday night…" Gabriel informed.

"What?" Trayden quickly looked at him.

"He's been dealing with it all week; I have no idea how he made it through finals this past week. Hayden doesn't eat breakfast or dinner; I don't know about the school…Hayden told me to keep Spencer away from him, so he doesn't wig out and accidentally hurt him…" Gabriel said.

"He eats a sandwich at school, sticks to water all day," Syrus mentioned.

"What happened here? He decided he needed Trayden's particular brand of healing?" Alicia asked. Trayden glared at her.

"He decided he needed to go where he feels the most comfort before he snapped," Gabriel stated.

"Snaps?" Rachel arched a brow.

"Hayden said he couldn't make the suicidal thoughts stop. I asked what he wanted to do, and suggested coming to see Trayden; he agreed," Gabriel told her.

"Has he tried to hurt himself at all this week?" Dustin asked.

"I've been checking him every night and morning, nothing at all," Gabriel said. "And this is the first I hear of suicidal thoughts,"

"Have you checked him tonight?" Trayden inquired.

"No. He's been locked in his room since 2:45 when he got home…He only came out a few minutes ago and told me that he couldn't make the thoughts stop; then agreed to come here," Gabriel enlightened. "I've been trying to find him another psychiatrist to see, and none of them are taking new patients, or can't write the prescription until they see him and do intakes and evaluations first…"

"Gabriel, you should have come to see me. I'm a psychiatrist; I would have written it for you. I know Hayden's history, and I may not be his doctor, but I wouldn't have let the boy suffer without his meds…" Rachel reminded. "It's not protocol because I'm not his doctor, but it's not illegal either,"

"Slipped my mind, Rach…" Gabriel sighed. "I've been worried about him…" Rachel got up and went into her work bag, grabbing a prescription pad and writing on it.

"There's a pharmacy open until 9 pm in downtown on Granite Street. Take this, and get him his medication. That pharmacy will fill it in fifteen minutes; a lot of my patients use it. I'll take Spencer for now," Rachel ripped the paper off and handed it to Gabriel; then took Spencer into her arms.

"I owe you," Gabriel got up to leave. "He's good here too, right?" he asked, referring to Hayden.

"Seems alright with Trayden for the time being," Dustin nodded.

"I'll be back in half an hour, lad…" Gabriel exited the house. Hayden wasn't sobbing hard anymore; it was quiet after ten minutes.

"Ssh…" Trayden continued rubbing Hayden's back; they were still standing in the kitchen, but against the counter and only the small square window over the sink allowed them to see the back of Hayden's head. "It's okay…Everything is gonna be alright, babe," he soothed. "I've got you now,"

"I-I'm s-sorry I-I didn't come sooner…" Hayden coughed a bit.

"How long have you been feeling this way?" Trayden asked.

"S-Since Tuesday night…" Hayden admitted.

"You've been feeling like this all week and didn't say anything to anyone?" Trayden inquired, shocked and worried.

"I-I was o-okay. I was fighting it back, an-and okay…Then it just hit harder than I could deal with," Hayden said.

"Oh, babe…" Trayden kissed Hayden's forehead lightly. "It's alright…Everything will be fine. You got me now, and everyone else too. You realize that I'm not letting you out of my sight until you're…What's the word…" he paused.

"Stable?" Rachel offered. "Level? Relaxed? Calm?"

"Those work," Trayden said.

"Th-That's fine…I-I don't mind. I-I don't feel like I can cope with it by myself…B-But I don't want to go back to the psychiatric hospital either…" Hayden looked down. "C-Can I stay with you tonight?...O-Or you stay with me…? I-I don't trust myself at home i-if I wake up alone…" Hayden asked.

"That's fine with me, Hayden," Trayden nodded, still holding him.

"Tray…You want us to go home for tonight?" Bryan asked quietly.

"Might be a good idea given-," Trayden started.

"N-No…" Hayden said.

"Babe?" Trayden inquired, surprised.

"No, I-I want everyone around…Please? W-We can go to my house…Practice for the talent show, game, talk…I don't care; I need distractions from my friends…I just want you and the others around me…I know how needy and clingy that sounds, but…" Hayden looked down a little.

"Hey, you need us, you got us, Hayden," Syrus said firmly.

"All you gotta do is ask; you know we got you," Tyler added.

"Thank you…" Hayden replied, tears still in his eyes and falling down his cheeks. Trayden just continued to hold Hayden in his arms, rubbing his back and shoulder. "I had school to distract me before…Finals and stuff, but at home; I had nothing, and it would come on so fast that all I wanted to do was cry or lie around…"

"You should have called me, baby. You know me or anyone else would have come to help and keep you distracted," Trayden sighed softly.

"I'm sorry…" Hayden looked down, still upset with himself.

"It's okay," Alicia smiled some. "It happens, and you've been through a lot, Hayden. We understand that it can become too much too bear sometimes,"

"I was doing fine…Perfectly fine until we didn't get that letter about Dr. Anderson retiring…We got it late, and by the time we did; he was already out, and so were my meds…I wouldn't have minded finding someone new as long as I still had meds to carry me through for the month while I found another psychiatrist…Though, the more I think about that; the less I want to do it…" Hayden closed his eyes.

"Why is that, dear?" Rachel wondered.

"Dr. Anderson knew everything I've been through. He's been my psychiatrist since July 2017…Almost two years and though. It took me almost a year or more to be able to be comfortable enough, with Trayden's presence next to me to tell him stuff…Now it feels like…I haven't made any progress at all. Look at me…I still need a heavy dose of anti-depressants to keep me from killing myself…" Hayden sighed.

"Hayden, you've made remarkable progress," Ford stated.

"He's right, Hayden. You went from all closed off and silent, scared of high-fives to where you are now," Trayden offered.

"Where I'm at right now…Isn't a good place, Tray. It's the place I was trying to avoid going back to…" Hayden mumbled while keeping his head on Trayden's chest, holding onto him still.

"It's a little hiccup, babe, and totally outside of your control. You can't help the mail getting lost or showing up late," Trayden said. "Thanks to mom; you'll have your pills in a few minutes. I'm sure it won't take long for them to take effect and level ya a bit,"

"But I still have to start over again, babe. That's what bothers me with talking to a new psychiatrist…Someone who hasn't worked with me before, who doesn't understand…I'd have to start over again…Talking about me, stuff I've been through…You know how hard it was for me the first time…I really don't want to go through it again…" Hayden sighed again.

"What if…You didn't have to do it all again?" Dustin suggested. "What if you could just pick up where you left off with someone new?"

"That would be…Great, Mr. Raseri…But likely impossible," Hayden replied as Trayden brought Hayden around now, back into the living room. Hayden stayed clutching Trayden, though.

"It's not if the person you pick to be your psychiatrist happens to be someone who already knows your history, and you know," Dustin said.

"Like who…Trayden and Dr. Anderson are the only two who know…" Hayden informed.

"Hayden dear…Have you forgotten already that you permitted Trayden to tell us what happened to you not too long ago?" Rachel stated now. Hayden had forgotten about that. "I know none of your friends, or Trayden even can provide psychiatric help due to lacking the knowledge and licensing to help you…" she paused. "But I can,"

"Wh-What?" Hayden asked, curious and surprised.

"Sweetheart, I'm a licensed Psychiatrist. I was present when Trayden told your friends, and Gabriel everything. I can send a release of information form to Dr. Anderson, despite his retirement; I can obtain his notes regarding you, find out where you two last were, methods of treatment, so on and so forth. I could be your psychiatrist if you wanted. You wouldn't have to start over with me," Rachel offered. "I have an office in Berk; it's only about ten minutes from here,"

"I…Thought you couldn't get personal with patients…?" Hayden mentioned.

"Just because you're dating my son, doesn't mean I couldn't have you as a patient, dear. And from what I remember, Trayden comes to most of your appointments to help you. I don't mind him coming with you to continue sessions and treatment," Rachel enlightened. "It's entirely your choice, of course,"

"I'd do it, Hayden…I'm not having much luck anywhere else," Gabriel remarked, coming into the house and standing beside his Godson. "Here ya go, kiddo. Hopefully being off them so long won't deeply affect their effects and you'll start feeling a bit better," he poured one of the pills into his palm and gave it to Hayden.

"Give it thirty minutes or so…I'll be better…" Hayden popped it into his mouth, swallowing.

"Usually takes twenty-four hours to get into your system and start working effectively," Rachel mentioned.

"I've been off them for longer periods, taken one, and was okay within half an hour…I won't be great, but I'll be able to stay semi-relaxed…And maybe get some sleep…I haven't in about two days…" Hayden mumbled.

"I trust what you say," Rachel nodded, smiling softly.

"Are you going to let my mom be your psychiatrist, babe?" Trayden wondered.

"Would be easier on me not to have to start over…" Hayden said. "Okay…" he agreed.

"When I get to the office on Monday, I'll check my schedule and see what I have open for you. I can text you if you want," Rachel offered.

"That's fine," Hayden replied; he was still shaking and holding onto Trayden. Spencer started crying in Rachel's arms; she tried to soothe him, but it wasn't working.

"I got him," Gabriel went to step in and take Spencer from her.

"No…I-I got it…" Hayden said as he stepped away from Trayden slowly and went to take Spencer from Rachel. Hayden carefully lifted him, ignoring the pain in both his left and right wrists.

"Hayden…Don't overdo it. The wrist is already broken, don't make it worse…" Gabriel sighed.

"He's my son, Uncle Gabe…You've had him all week…I think he misses me," Hayden stated as Spencer seemed to calm down instantly, and snuggled against his father's shoulder. "Ssh…Daddy's got you, bud…" Hayden rubbed Spencer's back a little as the seven-month-old yawned a little.

"I think we should move the sleepover to Hayden's since he wants us around him right now," Hailey suggested. "And his son wants him too," she smiled a bit.

"That alright with you, Uncle Gabe?" Hayden inquired.

"Your call, laddie. As long as you're okay; I'm good with whatever…Just don't scare me like that again. I'm too young for a heart attack…Told ya before, son; I can't lose you," Gabriel said.

"Guess we should pack up our stuff and get over to Hayden's," Katie stated.

"And the pizza just arrived it sounds like. You kids can take yours with you for dinner, and we'll keep two for us," Dustin added in.

"Come on, lad. Let's get home and wait for them," Gabriel told Hayden, but the teen shook his head.

"I-I d-don't want t-to leave Tray…" Hayden said nervously.

"Okay, okay…Easy, babe. It's okay. How about you send Spencer with Gabriel back to your place, and then you and I can go there together, alright?" Trayden suggested, sensing that Hayden was getting scared; he didn't want to leave Trayden's side. Trayden was still Hayden's main source of comfort like before. Hayden nodded as he handed Spencer over to Gabriel.

"See ya soon, kiddo," Gabriel told Hayden.

"Okay…" Hayden replied.

"Rachel, Dustin…Thank you again for helping tonight," Gabriel said.

"No problem," Dustin smiled. Gabriel grabbed Spencer's diaper bag and left to get back to the Forger/Haddock house. Hayden stayed at Trayden's side while moving towards Trayden's room to start packing things up to move the sleepover to Hayden's house. It was initially supposed to be there anyway, and this was a way Hayden could be around his son, and the others could keep Hayden distracted from all the depression he was feeling. This would work out well, at least they hoped so because tonight was a bit terrifying for them to see Hayden in such a state, literally begging for Trayden's help since he felt like he couldn't handle it anymore. Hayden might seem calm now, but that could change in the blink of an eye.