Chapter 2 – To Be Human
Author's Note: In which some truths are revealed and an attempt is made to help Vader turn human once more. :')
~ Amina Gila
Slowly, Ahsoka approaches the dragon, hands raised as a gesture of peace. She tunes out everything else, even Obi-Wan talking to Luke and Leia, telling them how to shift back. He knows more – far more – than he's saying, and she wonders what it is that he's trying to hide. That thought, too, she lets go.
"Hey." She keeps her voice quiet, gentle, as she lowers herself to sit in front of the dragon's muzzle, reaching out and stroking it lightly. Vader whines, low in his throat, pressing his rough, scaly head against her hand, and it hurts. It makes her wonder how long it's been since he was shown kindness of any kind. Sidious would not have been a kind master to him.
"Do you know me?" Vader's tail flicks, but he doesn't otherwise respond to her words. He hears her, but she doesn't know if he really understands, much less has a way of responding. He really does have an animal mind. "I'm Ahsoka," she continues, and Vader lifts his head off the floor, pushing it closer to her and sniffing. She doesn't move of pull away from him, letting him do... whatever he thinks he's doing. The Force is flowing around her, soothingly, calmly, and she knows that if Vader's mind begins entertaining violent thoughts, she'll know. Maybe she could try connecting with him the way she would any animal?
Maybe.
Vader moves a little closer and lays his head down in her lap, staring up at her in much the same way a pet would. It's rather adorable, if she's being honest, but she can't forget that this is a dragon: a potentially dangerous predator. She continues to pet his head with light, soft strokes, and after a moment, his eyelids fall half-closed, though she can sense that he's every bit as alert as he was before.
Ahsoka remembers doing this with Anakin. He said it was soothing, and sometimes, she curled up next to him, and he would wrap his body around her, cocooning her in warmth and protection. She never feared his dragon form, not even when he unleashed his full strength once, breathing fire down on the approaching droids, saving everyone as he melted them.
"Anakin," she whispers, a persistent, undying hope burning in her heart. Vader seems to perk up at that, wings shifting as he lifts his head again, rumbling lowly.
"I don't think he can really understand Basic. His mind is too animalistic," Luke tells her.
Ahsoka turns, having been so distracted that she hadn't noticed the Force flaring as the twins shifted back to humans. Both are wrapped in robes now, looking a mixture of wary and uncomfortable as they stand near Obi-Wan. She knows why they're uncomfortable. She probably would be, too, and she imagines Anakin used to, but he got used to the... other aspects of shifting, so it never bothered him much. Or her once she adjusted. He didn't like it, though, if she ever said anything about the scars crisscrossing his back.
"I was afraid of that," she says softly, continuing to rub Vader's head. Twisting so she can see Obi-Wan better, she asks, "What happened to him? You know, don't you?" Obi-Wan's expression immediately closes off again, and she sighs. "Fine. Don't tell me. But do you have any idea how we can get him to shift back. This is wrong."
"Wait. You mean he's a human?" Luke sounds so confused, and Ahsoka feels bad for him.
"You never told him?" she exclaims, surprised. Obi-Wan had talked to her when he first started training Luke, and he'd told her about his worries that Luke might shift. He didn't think he could help him learn how to train himself the way he had Anakin. Ahsoka had reassured him and promised to help if necessary, and she'd assumed he'd told Luke about the possibility.
"Told me what?" Luke demands, frowning.
Ahsoka winces. Not good. He isn't going to be happy that Obi-Wan never told him, but this isn't her story to tell. "Your father... could shift," Obi-Wan tells Luke and Leia slowly. From his tone, it's obvious that he feels awkward. "He was so strong with the Force that his human body couldn't handle it. Whenever he drew on the Force deeply, he would shift to a dragon. I didn't know either of you had that capability until now."
As one, the twins look at Vader, the question clear in their eyes. "Is that...?"
For a moment, a flash of raw agony passes across Obi-Wan's face, but it's gone again, and if Ahsoka hadn't been watching, she wouldn't have noticed. What? What happened? "Yes," he confirms, "I – I think so. I thought he was... gone. I didn't – I didn't know that the Emperor kept him like this."
Luke bites his lip, as Ahsoka and Rex exchange pained looks. Both of them have questions, and they'll be asking later, but for now, they need to let Luke and Leia process. They also need to figure out how to help Va- Anakin shift back to human. He deserves better. Ahsoka suddenly finds herself overwhelmed by the desire to cry for him. Anakin should never have been reduced to this type of animalistic state, and who knows if he'll be the same now? His mind has changed so much that she doesn't know if he'll recover, much less get his memories back. On some level, he seems to recognize her, but not... really, at the same time.
She got him back only to realize that he's gone. He'll still be Anakin, of course, but he won't remember her. Or them. Or anything. All the memories, all the times they spent together, that could all be gone, and she doesn't know how to deal with that, not right now.
Anakin makes a quiet, demanding sound, shifting and moving closer. A squeak of surprise escapes her when he pushes her over backwards, slinking forwards until he's practically laying on her. He rubs his head against hers in an affectionate manner, so Ahsoka figures this must be the dragon form of... hugging. Or something. Tears blur her eyes, and she swallows hard, wrapping her arms around his neck and lying there, letting him do whatever he thinks he's doing.
"Obi-Wan, how do you think we can get him to shift back?" she queries, somehow managing to sound normal despite being on the verge of tears and being somewhat squished by the massive, heavy dragon on top of her.
"I'm... not sure," he admits. "Luke and Leia don't have enough experience to know how to compel him to shift, and my own knowledge is limited. Try talking to him, maybe, like you have been. Or Luke, do you think you could shift back and talk to him?"
"I... maybe," Luke replies uncertainly.
"He doesn't remember anything, does he?" Rex's voice is strained, and Ahsoka can feel his pain. His thoughts are probably along the same lines as hers.
"He might," she admits, "At least subconsciously. Maybe I can try connecting to him through the Force, treat him the way I would any other animal."
"Why though?" Leia sounds confused. "What happened to him? I felt human when I shifted."
"We experimented with Anakin, and we discovered that by the time a day has passed, animal instincts start taking over human ones," Obi-Wan explains to her. "He could never stay shifted for long, and he never did, so we have no way of knowing what the long-term effects are. As far as we know, this is a phenomenon which solely affected him. There were no records of dragon-shifters among the Jedi of old. Even Yoda had heard nothing of it."
Ahsoka tunes out the twins' curiosity and the questions which they begin asking, closing her eyes as she reaches out to Anakin's mind through the Force. It feels simple, instinct-driven, the way all animals' minds are. But he can feel her touching him, and he responds clumsily in kind, though the touch sends a chill through her. He's dark. He's not light the way he was when she last saw him before leaving for Mandalore. He feels... Fallen. What happened to him? She doesn't have any answers, and she doesn't have time to try and sort it out, so she pushes her questions to the side.
She sends a question to his mind, trying to keep it simple. "Can you feel this?" There's something akin to a mental purr of acknowledgment from Anakin at that, so she tries another question. "Can you shift?" Confusion meets that. Maybe she needs another approach. "That's Luke. And that's Leia."
Ahsoka looks up at Anakin as best she can, trying not to feel unsettled by the blackness of his body and how it resonates with the darkness of his Force signature. "Offspring," is the impression which is transmitted to her mind. It's not real communication, but it's close enough. At least he can understand her, somewhat.
"They shifted," she explains. "They became human. Can you do that?" Anakin seems undecided, uncertain, which tells her all she needs to know. "I don't think he knows how to do that," she calls up to the others. "Luke or Leia will probably have to shift and walk him through it."
"I can," Luke offers, stepping forward and kneeling next to Anakin's head, laying a hand lightly on it. "How do I shift at will, first of all?"
"Delve into the Force," Obi-Wan proposes, "As deeply as you can go, and when it feels like it's too far, keep going. That should push the shift."
"Okay." Luke sounds determined, even though he's radiating some anxiety into the Force. The Force swells up around him in a familiar, though not as bright, way as Anakin, and he shifts.
**w**
Luke isn't sure what to think about how his father is a dragon, about how he's apparently been stuck in said form for so long that he's become fully animalistic. It seems so surreal. When Obi-Wan started training him to be a Jedi, he had said that Anakin Skywalker had been killed by the Empire when the rest of the Jedi had been destroyed. Luke had believed that, and it's clear that Obi-Wan had believed that, too. Or at least some version of that. He doesn't know what really happened, and maybe he'll never know.
He shakes away his confusion. First, he has to help his father shift back to human. Then, he can ask all of his questions and hopefully get the answers he's so desperately seeking. "Let me help you shift," Luke says aloud. His father – it's so weird to think of him like this, even in the privacy of his own mind; he can feel Leia's disbelief, and he knows that she doesn't want to accept that this dragon is their father – lifts his head off Ahsoka, staring at him. What is he thinking?
There's something knowing, something understanding in the red eyes this time. "How?"
It's a simple, quiet noise, and Luke reaches out through their bond, touching his father's mind. "Let me show you," he offers. He sends the impressions of how to shift back through the Force, silently hoping that it's clear enough for the other dragon to follow. He seems thoughtful, and Luke can distinctly feel the Force shifting around him. Except nothing happen. He whines, slinking off Ahsoka and curling into a ball on the floor.
"Hurts."
Luke would frown if he had a human body. "It's supposed to hurt a little. That's normal," he explains, but the black dragon only whimpers, curling in on himself, as if trying to protect himself. It hurt to see, especially since he doesn't understand what's wrong. He trots around Ahsoka, careful to avoid stepping on her – if he did, he could easily break a bone – and nudges his muzzle against his father's side, sitting down next to him.
"Burns," he clarifies. "Fire. Pain." With those words, he wraps his tail around himself, keeping his head exposed enough that his eyes are still visible, and those eyes are wary now, pinned on... Obi-Wan? with something like accusation,
Luke blinks at him, turning towards his twin, and reaching out towards her mind to try and explain the situation. "He says it hurts too much. He says it burns. And something about fire? I'm not sure what he's talking about," he admits to Leia.
She relates the words aloud, sounding as mystified as Luke himself feels. Ahsoka stands, looking confused. In fact, the only one who doesn't look confused is Obi-Wan. His face is tight with something that very much resembles horror, and he's pale. The Jedi Master drags a shaking hand over his face and lets out a shaky breath. "His name now is Darth Vader," Obi-Wan relates quietly, not looking at any of them. "It's a Sith name. He became a Sith. He joined Sidious."
"No," Ahsoka whispers, shaking her head, realization dawning. "Maul said... he said Sidious was grooming Anakin, and he was right then, wasn't he." It's not a question, and Luke realizes that she isn't surprised. It's almost as if a part of her had expected it.
Obi-Wan nods. "It would seem so. I – Vader helped destroy the Jedi, and Master Yoda sent me to confront him. We... fought on Mustafar and I left him for dead there. I – I thought he had died. I didn't know..."
He can't bring himself to finish the sentence, and Luke can't help but feel bad for him. What would it be like to be forced into the position where you have to kill someone who is so close to you? He doesn't know. He doesn't ever want to know. For a long moment, no one reacts, and finally, Ahsoka sighs. "We need to get him to shift back somehow. Rex, you probably should go get a medic over here. I don't know what condition he's in, but we know from experience that when he shifts, his injuries don't really heal; they just stay as is."
"I'm on it, Commander," he promises leaving the room hastily and closing the door behind him.
"Now what?" Leia asks quietly.
Obi-Wan glances at Luke. "I think Luke needs to try and convince him to shift so we can help him. Once we know what his condition is, we can figure out what to do with him. Needless to say, I don't think he'll be much of a danger like this, not if he doesn't remember anything."
"Right," Ahsoka agrees, almost bitterly, stealing a glance at Obi-Wan out of the corner of her eye. There's sure to be a private conversation between them later, but for now, they all need to focus on doing what they can to help Anakin.
**w**
Vader really doesn't know what these... mortals are asking of him. They want him to change so he looks like one of them, but then what? He's not one of them, even if they want him to be, for some reason. But clearly, it is possible, because his – Luke and Leia, their names are, can go back and forth. Shift, the word was. They can be like him, or they can be like the others. It's strange, but it feels so right. So why can't he do the same? Luke told him how, showed him how, but when he tried, aside from an ache in his body that seemed normal for what he was doing, there was a searing, burning agony that took his breath away.
That's not normal. It's wrong. It shouldn't be there. And he doesn't know how he can do what they want from him. The pain is too strong, too sharp, too agonizing. He doesn't know if he has the ability to breath through it and push on. He should, but it only becomes worse, and it's instinctive for him to try and avoid pain whenever possible. Vader sees no reason to otherwise. He can stay like this. It'll be fine.
"Please?" Luke asks, as if he has no idea what he's asking, and really, he probably doesn't. The younger's muzzle nudges against Vader's side. "Can you at least try? We can make you feel better and heal you once you shift back."
Back? There is no real back. This is his form. This is how he's always been. Vader considers for a moment, but no. He won't even attempt to feel that pain again. It's too much for him, so he curls a little tighter, refusing to acknowledge the boy's plea. Perhaps it would be easier if old Enemy wasn't here. Vader knows the pain is connected to him somehow, and every instinct screams at him to rip the man limb from limb and devour him the way he did Master. But he doesn't. He knows the others would try to stop him, and he likes adult Friend – Ahsoka, she said her name was. He doesn't like it when she's hurting or upset, and she would be both if he tried to go after old Enemy.
"It doesn't seem like that will work," murmurs Leia.
"We can try a Force suggestion," old Enemy says hesitantly, "But for one, I doubt it would work. For two, he might become violent if we try to force it. I don't know what else to do, though, except leave him like this."
"No!" exclaims Ahsoka, shaking her head fiercely. "Anakin deserves better!" That name again. A name that is familiar and right somehow. He knows it. It's important, and some instinct tells him that he'll never know what it means unless he listens to what they're asking and shifts. But it hurts. It hurts, and he doesn't want to feel that pain.
Ahsoka approaches him, crouching near his head and laying a gentle hand on his scales. "Anakin, listen to me." Her voice is soft, caring, very different from Master. "I'm going to try to override your instincts which are stopping you from shifting. Can I do that? I'll help you. I won't leave you, not this time."
Does he want that? Want... It is a strange concept for him. He needs things: food, water, shelter, light, air... But want? Vader doesn't know. He doesn't know how to answer such a strange question, so he flicks his tail slightly, but remains quiet. He understands, somewhat, what Ahsoka wants to do, and it scares him. A part of him is tempted to snap at her hand, to scare her away so that she won't do something that he knows will cause him pain. She thinks it will help him, but he can't agree with that. If it will hurt, then it's can't "help."
"Try not to fight me," she adds, "Okay?"
Vader hardly has a chance to think about it much when he feels her touching his mind. "Shift," she says again, and there's a Force to it, something which compels him to obey. Instinctively, he tries to, but the pain rips through him, and he curls tighter in on himself, panting and whimpering, flinching away from Ahsoka when she tries to touch him. She freezes, and he can feel her guilt as she backs away from him. "I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I know you don't want to. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't know what else to do."
"I do. Luke, Leia, perhaps you should try," suggests old Enemy, still staying near the door.
Vader turns his head, looking at where Luke is standing next to Leia again, having shifted back to being... mortal. He feels fear at the suggestion, and he tenses, ready to jump up and run away. If he could get through the window, he could escape before they could do something to stop him. ... Right?
As one, the twins look at him, and he can feel them pressing up against his mind. "Shift," they chorus, their voices echoing. The command is stronger this time, far stronger, and he struggles to fight it off, even as it slips into his mind, burrowing in and taking over.
White-hot pain overwhelms his senses, and he feels like he's burning, the pain entering into his awareness stronger than the pain in his body from the shift. This is – he hasn't done this in so long, he can't even remember what it was like, but with a sudden clarity, Vader knows that he's done this before. He cries out, collapsing against the floor as he blacks out entirely.
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