I fucking love you.
The words don't register with Kurt right away as he fumbles his phone, juggling his coffee in the same hand and adjusting the straps on his mask with the other. He'd gotten to NYADA with minutes to spare when his phone buzzed in his pocket.
He'd lollygagged checking it because he knew it was Sebastian.
Kurt had left his boyfriend's bed, mouth, everything only a half-hour before. So, the man was texting him to gloat.
Remind Kurt why he was late to school today.
And why he was limping despite opting to bottom for the past six months.
It had nothing to do with power and everything to do with intensity.
Duration.
Kurt glances at the words on his screen and fondly rolls his eyes.
"Oh, Sebastian. My eloquent boyfriend," he chuckles. "I fucking love... " Kurt's heart races as the words he'd scanned assemble in his brain, their meaning ticking loudly like the last ten seconds of a countdown.
Oh my God. Did Sebastian just tell him...?
Kurt swallows hard enough to hurt, but it doesn't break him from his stupor.
Why? Why would he do that? Why would he tell him he loves him for the first time like this? Through text message!? The bastard!
Though this is honestly very much on-brand for Sebastian: wait until after a night of epic sex, after he has sucked and fucked his boyfriend to the brink of insanity, let him go on his way to somewhere important, then mind-wipe him with an outrageous confession.
This way, Kurt would never forget it.
Are they at this point, though? Ignoring the ridiculousness of his timing and execution, are they at the I love you stage?
Kurt thinks so. He has for a while, but that could be the hopeless romantic in him. The amount of time it took Kurt to go from, "This is just sex. I will never fall in love with Sebastian Smythe," to, "I can't believe I'm in love with Sebastian Smythe!" was embarrassingly short. Considering the relationship that preceded their nightly dinner dates and bed gymnastics, he was convinced his affliction would be one-sided for as long as this lasted.
According to this message - apparently not.
Kurt should be jumping for joy, but he's terrified. He's been in love once before. It didn't turn out too well for him. That one relationship rolled him through the twelve-step program of relationship red flags: deception, gaslighting, jealousy, codependency, isolation... He doesn't believe Sebastian would do any of that to him, but is he ready to take the chance?
The clock in the lobby chirps loudly, and Kurt takes a much-needed breath. It's eight a.m. - ten minutes since Sebastian sent that text message. As Kurt stares at his reflection in his phone screen gone black, he becomes aware of several things.
One - he's late for class. He's missing a test. It's worth a quarter of his grade.
Two - at some point, he'd dropped his coffee cup. It was mostly empty, but what was left has stained his suede Oxfords.
Well, Sebastian's suede Oxfords.
Three - he has stalled replying to Sebastian for a length of time that could be interpreted as Thank you, and not I love you, too.
And Sebastian deserves an I love you. He absolutely does.
The man has changed. He's put in the work. No longer the pernicious butthole from high school, he's matured into a man Kurt has been proud to call his.
Kurt has loved Sebastian for months now, too afraid to say the words out loud for fear they'd be the end of their relationship. The happiest, healthiest relationship he's had in a long time.
Maybe this could be a first step towards something new. Something exciting. Sebastian has already extended his hand. All that's left is for Kurt to take it.
Now seems like a good time.
Swiping his finger across the screen, Kurt brings his phone out of hibernation. He glances at Sebastian's text, gaze landing on it long enough to confirm it still exists. Kurt's heart skyrockets as he takes the plunge and types I fucking love you, too, Sebastian Smythe.
He tacks Sebastian's name on the end so that he'll know Kurt means this message for him without question.
Kurt presses send, then leans against a wall and waits. No reason to rush to class. He's too late to attend now anyway. He can beg for forgiveness later.
This is more important.
Kurt's hands shake as he waits nervously for a reply. But Sebastian doesn't text back. He sends a voice message instead. Kurt presses play the second it pops on his screen, heart thrumming so hard it moves his entire body away from the wall with every beat. He expects a quippy response, something along the lines of: "Well, you don't have to get all mushy about it," in that boyish, shy voice Sebastian gets when the real him peeks through the cracks of that worn-out facade he wore through high school. Kurt contemplates running out the doors, jumping on the subway, and heading back to Sebastian's place for a PornHub ending to this Hallmark moment when the message starts playing and he hears: Wait... what?
The tone of Sebastian's voice, that comical confusion, makes Kurt's blood run cold. Did he not expect Kurt to say it back? Did he not think he felt that way? After six months of kisses and cuddles and movie marathons and naked confessions?
Or did he not...?
Oh dear God...
Kurt looks at Sebastian's text, double-checking that the message said what he thought it did. His racing heart slams against his ribcage then plummets to his stomach.
It doesn't say I fucking love you.
It says I love fucking you.
Kurt's world stops spinning. He knows it has because he can't breathe. He slides down the wall, landing on his butt on the cold floor.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God...
OH MY GOD!
Kurt starts frantically texting. Maybe he can get Sebastian to think it's a joke. A cruel, horrible, disgusting joke, but still. A joke. Sebastian would understand a joke, right?
RIGHT!?
Not able to keep his thoughts in order, he gets halfway through a sentence before sending it and starting a new one, each more desperate than the ones before.
Wait!
Sebastian?
I misspoke!
I mean, I miss typed!
I didn't...
It was a...
Grrr! He can't say joke. He can't. Dammit!
He's in the middle of typing, "Please, don't hate me!" when Sebastian interrupts with another voice message. Then another. And another.
Two short, one long.
Kurt's heart sinks further.
Oh, God.
Please be, "It's okay."
Forget about it.
No big deal.
Water under the bridge.
I knew you were joking.
Don't be, "It's over."
Please?
Kurt selects the first message. It's five seconds long, and it's a chuckle. Good chuckle? Bad chuckle? It isn't long enough for Kurt to tell.
Kurt selects the second message, also five seconds long. It's a pause, then a single sniff. An angry sniff? Angry at Kurt for making their relationship more than it is? Or a sad sniff? Sad because Kurt screwed up, caught too many feelings, and now what they have is over? Again, it's not long enough to tell.
Kurt's finger hovers over the play button on the third message, but he can't get himself to press it. He doesn't want to hear it. At close to thirty seconds long, this is the one. This is the message that changes everything. He feels it - deep in his heart that hasn't started up yet.
He closes his eyes and sits there, waiting for fate to take over, waiting for something to happen.
Waiting for someone from admin to see him sitting on the floor and tell him to get up and leave.
Or waiting for his arm to get tired and gravity to do its thing.
He sits there, still as stone for what feels like an hour.
The door beside him opens. A breeze spirals in, slipping underneath the hem of Kurt's jacket and sending a shiver up his spine. His finger falls. It lands on the screen. With his eyes shut, Kurt isn't sure where exactly it lands, isn't sure his phone hasn't gone to sleep. Sebastian's hoarse voice comes from the speaker, and Kurt knows his finger hit its mark. Sebastian sniffles, on the verge of tears from the sounds of it. He stutters, stumbles over a word or two, laughs out loud. Then he says:
Kurt... I fucking love you, too.
