CHAPTER 3
ABDUCTION
Shadows from Artemis and Butler hovered over the whiteboard as the former paced around the long countertops strewn with boxes of plastic gloves and vials of Holy Water in the Fowl Science Lab. Hundreds of computer monitors swivelled back and forth under the bright fluorescent lights, making Artemis' shadow even sharper as he gestured to the plan with a pointer.
"Accordin' to the book, Leprechauns have to bury acorns to renew their magic. Otherwise it shrivels up. Also, it appears if we get the best of them in a game, like the one we're about to play, they'll stop tormentin' and distortin' the mind of yer relatives, as I suspect they're doin' to me mother—What is it, Butler?"
"Well, leprechauns," said Butler, straightening the Bunsen burner he had knocked over in the space that was too tight for him. "Ye know they're not real, don't ye?"
"I've already talked to ye about this, haven't I?"
Butler winced. "I know what ye said, Artemis, and I know the lady had green skin. I just don't know if magic is—"
Artemis cleared his throat. "Let us proceed under the assumption that the faerie folk do exist, and that I am not a gibberin' moron."
Butler nodded and adjusted his collar.
His master took the little golden book from his breast pocket and placed it on the rim of the white board, taking a step back.
"Now, as I was sayin', the Leprechauns have to fulfill a specific ritual to renew their powers. Accordin' to me interpretation, they must pick a seed from an ancient oak tree by the bend in a river. And they must do this durin' the full moon."
"So all we have to do..."
"Is run a cross reference through the weather satellites, which I already have. Believe it or not, there aren't that many ancient oaks left, if ye take ancient to be a hundred years plus. When ye factor in the river bend and full moon, there are precisely one hundred and twenty-nine sites to be surveyed in this country."
"Aye, Master." Butler shifted his feet, and had to push away a bin of safety goggles to make room to raise his hand.
"Question?"
"Well, Artemis. Why didn't we just kidnap the lady from the tent?"
"After drinkin' Holy Water, a faerie is dead to their brothers and sisters. Twas no guarantee that particular faerie was worth even an ounce of gold. We need fresh blood. Understand?"
Butler nodded again. As he turned to leave, he tripped over a cabinet.
Butler spent four months staked outside next to oak trees. There was a windchill as the weather got colder. He crouched, looking through his telescope, while Artemis stared through his own. He'd forced Butler to rub some liquid in his eyes that he claimed was goblin spit he'd purchased from a man in Killarney.
"So ye won't need to hold a Seein' Stone over yer eye to see faeries," he'd said.
Butler was sitting in freezing ditchwater that was soaking into his pants and shoes. Mud splashed onto his shirt front. Artemis had somehow contrived to remain spotless.
The proximity alarm flashed red.
A leprechaun's fingers closed around a green acorn. Her upright figure by the tree was too small for an adult, but the wrong proportions for a child. Butler pointed his dart rifle. The leprechaun leaped onto the wet grass, unhooked a dagger from her belt, and hacked at the ground. Butler shot a dart.
The leprechaun hopped away, dropping the acorn and hurling the dagger at him.
"I don't suppose ye would consider peaceful surrender?" Artemis sighed.
"Stay back, Irish," said the leprechaun with long, shining orange hair. It was entwined with leaves matching her ragged green dress.
The boy laughed. "faerie, ye are the one under attack."
"I have magic, mud-worm. Stay back."
Artemis stepped closer. "Lies and blarney," he laughed. "If ye had magic, ye would have used it by now. Ye've gone too long without buryin' an acorn and are here to replenish yer powers."
"Human," she sang. "Yer will is mine."
Artemis smiled. "I doubt it. Yer powers are as dry as an old well."
A tranquilizer dart punctured the leprechaun's shoulder.
"Good shootin'," he said, bending over the prisoner. "I didn't expect her to be a girl. Or quite so slimy and pointy." He took a mirror from her pocket. "This is how we'll contact the other leprechauns."
