Mine or Yours – It Feels Right
It was strange. Only the sight of her with that rose in her hand made him smile like an idiot. Of course he made sure that nobody would notice that. It would be too awkward to explain the reason behind his good mood. The next day he had taken the same route around the castle and just as he had hoped, he found her lying under the tree, instead of sitting, this time. However, he was smart enough not to approach her yet. He did not know if she was really asleep. She could have pretended to be, in order to lure him out. Deciding to get some distance first, he shifted and made his way back to the castle. The routine was mostly the same again. He would wake up, take a walk and look if Astrid was at the tree. He would spot her every time and turn around too, not risking it to get revealed. Afterwards he would take Toothless on a morning ride to the forge, train by himself and tinker with something or sketch. After the incident with the prank, it was easier for him to take a good night sleep. And just like that, a week had passed.
…
Hiccup smiled at the sight of the Princess. By now, he was sure that she had given up on finding out who had put that rose in her hair. It should be safe to approach her, but only if she was asleep. He watched her for a while before he was sure that he could come closer. He took cautious steps, slowly and silently. What he did not know was that Gobber had followed him too. The old man had seen him take this route several times before and wanted to know where it would take him. It was always at the same time as well. He peeked his head out from the corner and saw Hiccups back. The young man was walking towards a tree. His figure blocked his old eyes, not letting him see what was so interesting about that tree, or what lay there.
Hiccup watched her sleeping figure intently, taking in the sight that lay in front of him. This time he had taken his sketchbook with him. He sat down next to her and stretched out his legs along her figure before he pulled them up close again, using them as a support for his sketchbook. This time, Gobber had full view on the two that were under the tree. The old man grinned when he recognized the Princess. So that was why he went out here every morning.
Hiccup sharpened his pen with a knife he hid under his armguards and looked every so often to the side, making sure that she was really asleep. He then looked at her for a long while before he made a rough sketch of her head. He added a vague form of her hair and looked at her again. Her eyes were somewhere in the middle of her face. He added two thin lines on the paper, just around the place where he thought it would suit the best. He drew another thin line that split her face in half. Using it as a reference, he marked where the nose should be. Then he made a rough sketch of her lips. Without realizing it, he had lost track of time and his whole world was circling around that young blonde that lay asleep next to him. His hands worked over the parchment like magic practiced over a hundred years. Each movement he did was to add another strand of her hair or signature of her face. After a couple of minutes, he had a rough sketch down. Looking up at the sky, he made sure that he did not stay too long in order to make his leave in time. The sun was still low and he smiled, knowing that he still had a bit time left. He looked at her face again. Her mouth was slightly agape, her chest rising with each soft breath that she took. Without realizing it, his hands began to work more in detail on her lips. He looked at her, added another few lines, looked again and added the shadow. He changed the pressure as he held onto the pen.
Smiling and relaxing as he drew, Gobber too decided that enough was enough. He turned away and went back to the castle. It had been a while since he saw his apprentice with such a gentle look. Maybe his instinct was not that far off. Maybe that girl was really the key to his heart. Excited, Gobber pulled at his moustache as he formed a plan inside his head. Gobber the Wingman. Did not sound so bad, did it?
Hiccup got lost in his thoughts as he added more and more details to the picture he was drawing. He had to be careful not to make a mistake or slip his hand since it would ruin the picture. He added some straight lines and rough shades that were to represent the grass she was lying on. He held his sketch away from him to take a look over the whole drawing. Satisfied for now, he smirked and closed his book, tugging it under his arm before he stood up. Giving her one last gentle gaze, he turned away and went back to the stable where he stored his sketchbook in his bag. After saddling Toothless, he mounted him again and went to the forge.
...
The door creaked as he opened it, entering the forge while the wooden floor gave in as he stepped inside. He pulled his cloak off and hung it on the wall next to the door. As he pulled his armguards off, he let himself fall down on a nearby chair, rubbing his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked around and took everything in for a second before he let out a long sigh. Hiccup tilted his head, cracking his neck in the process before he stood up in order to stretch. He took off his breastplate, leaving himself with a thin, black, sleeveless shirt, which ends were tugged inside his pants. He shook his legs a bit and rolled his shoulders as he went outside again. Toothless was sleeping safe and soundly, making Hiccup smirk in a rather annoyed way. Here he was with more than enough burden on his shoulders and his only yet best friend lay in the grass snoring without any worry. He gave the horse one last glance before he returned to his usual routine. First, he needed to strengthen his core again so he lay down on the ground, his belly flat against the cold hardness. He lifted himself up, his arms supporting his weight, and remained in that position. He counted alongside with his heart beats like usually and was determined to break his record yet again.
Sometimes he would drift off though, his mind going back to that Princess. Nothing had changed. They were still distant and he still did not apologize. He regretted it, among many other things, he regretted this the most. He should go to her, apologize and beg for forgiveness. But he knew that, should the chance arise, he would not take it. He would remain silent and ignorant as he always did. He knew that he could not show her his true feelings… so what about fake feelings? The gears inside his head began to work out another plan that might give him another chance at the friendship. Maybe he could get on her nerves. That way she would be angry with him but still approach him nonetheless. She might curse him among other possibilities, but it would be enough, right? He let himself down, resting for a couple of seconds before he lifted himself again.
Then again, there was a chance that she would ignore him completely, and that would not solve anything. He shook his head. Nope, it would work. It was Astrid. She would probably snap and personally cut his head off. He smirked at the thought and reveled in his fantasies. Or she might beat him up to a pulp again, leaving black and blue bruises on his skin. At least it would match his outfit. He snorted at that thought and went back to counting. Really… for a while now, the Princess had been the one who filled his head. He did not know what to do about it or what that feeling in his chest was in the first place. It was a small ache that had grown over the days into a pain that kept him up lately. Sometimes it even caused him to dream naughty things but in the morning, whenever he woke up, he would have already forgotten about it. It did not help him with his morning wood though. He was a healthy 19-year old young man in the end - who could blame him?
Now that he thought about it, he did not know how old the Princess was. In his opinion, she looked younger than him. The way she acts reminds him of a little girl throwing a fit whenever something does not go her way. He would make sure that his thoughts remained unspoken for he believed that he might meet his death earlier than expected if she were to find out about it. He held himself up for another while until he flipped to the side, landing with his back on the ground. Hiccup looked up to the sky, watching the clouds moving ever so slowly. Maybe he should apologize after all. At least, he could try. He had nothing to lose anyway. He closed his eyes and felt the wind embracing his skin gently. He stretched his arms out, his palms feeling the soft grass underneath, and relaxed.
After a shadow seemed to take place above him, he could sense how the light vanished from his inside vision. The clouds probably moved in front of the sun, he guessed. It was strange. Most people would be afraid of the dark and would only feel safe when they had the sun behind their backs. Hiccup however found the night and the darkness beautiful. Sure, it was easier to fall prey to wild animals and bandits. But it was also the only time to watch the stars on the sky, the moon glowing in its full glory, and the darkness providing a strange safety for those who wanted to hide – who needed to hide. Those who were like him. So many people feared the dark, when yet it was the reason for people to take a rest, to sleep. An immortal clock that told you when you had to go to bed and rest. A cold night that relieved most people in summer from the hot air. A brilliant support for all the light that exist on this world. There was nothing that could show the light's true beauty but the dark. And yet people were too afraid, too ignorant to see the true beauty of the dark. Sometimes, when he thought about it, he would probably be surrounded by the dark as well, should he ever die. There were two way to interpret it. The most assumed one was that after death, all light shall vanish. The other one, his theory, was that after death, the dark would spare him from seeing the sad faces of those he loved. If people, who feared the night were normal, then what about those who loved the night? Would they be abnormal or unique? Crazy or wise? Ignorant or aware?
"I'd like to die…" he muttered aloud. Just to know how it would feel.
…
Astrid stomped towards the stable, her bad mood clearly visible from the vein that was shown at her temple. People avoided her instinctively, not wanting to risk their head yet. "Bring that to Hiccup, he said. Let him get it sharpen, he said! Maybe I'll let you in on our training then, he said!" she yelled frustrated to herself as she imitated Gobber. The maids flinched when they passed the Princess during her rage and rushed to their destination, not trying to piss her more off than she already was. Astrid pulled the door open and walked towards Stormfly, who in return lifted her head the moment she heard those familiar steps. The girl eyed the horse a moment and decided that a saddle alone would do. It was not like she took Hiccup's advice into consideration. She just did not want to give him something to nag at her. Lately she had been in such a foul mood like never before. The ache that had first been an annoying sting was now robbing her whole mind and energy. She felt awfully tired and confused without reason. She made sure to go to bed earlier and when she had lessons with the elders, she could still think objectively and clearly. So why? However, what angered her the most was the fact that the feeling would only vanish whenever she saw him – Hiccup. Whenever she found him passing the halls or mounting Toothless, her heart would finally settle in and calm down, just to replace it with a more confusing feeling lingering inside her.
Nothing made sense anymore. She was still angry with him for yelling at her and telling her off. Sure, she beat him up, but he deserved that. She would never apologize for that, she was too proud to do so. After saddling Stormfly, she pulled herself on her back and kicked her at the sides. Leaving for the cause of the storm inside her, she braced herself. She would not attack him unless necessary. She would not talk to him unless necessary. And she would never ever admit to him or herself that he might be the key to that uncomfortable feeling inside her chest. Never ever, ever, ever, e-
Stormfly slowed down and stopped after a while. Astrid grimaced at the sight. Why the hell was he lying on the ground? She sneaked up on him, making sure that she made no noise on her way that could alarm him. When she was close enough, she saw his face. His eyes were closed. Did that mean that he was asleep? He was so careless. She could strangle him and he would not be able to do anything against it. She could ram a dagger through his chest and he would have no escape. She did not dare move away, her eyes fixated on him. The ache inside her had vanished again, leaving her heart racing uncontrollably. She wanted to take a closer look and crouched down, her head over his face as she watched his feature. Just when she was about to check him out, she heard him mutter, "I'd like to die…"
Her heart sank. Then it hurt, painfully so. From all the words that left his mouth so far, these were the most painful words she had ever heard. Not knowing where to direct these feelings towards to, she punched his chest yet again. Hiccup snapped his eyes open and groaned at the pain. He did not even realize who it was since he shut his eyes unconsciously again, focusing on mending the stinging pain. Astrid watch him, satisfied with her action as she let a small grin hush over her face. Though, after a second it had vanished again. Hiccup lifted his head to look at who had caused him pain. He already knew who it was without opening his eyes. He had hoped for it the whole time, yet, when his eyes met hers, it still surprised him. The way she looked down at him and the way her glare penetrated his very soul made him giddy and excited all over again. That was it, that was what he had waited for the whole time – a chance. He wanted to apologize, to explain her so many things, but in the end, these words never left his mouth. Instead, he asked with narrowed eyes, "Why would you do that?"
Astrid was about to punch him again. He dared asking her that after he uttered such nonsense in front of her! The anger that was buried over the past couple of days flared to life again. She grumbled, "Why would you say that?" Taken back by the question, Hiccup relaxed his shoulders. Say what? What did he say? He looked around himself, searching for something that might help him get to the solution. Say?
"Say what?" he asked her, not knowing what she was talking about.
"That-! … That you want to… die…" Her voice had started out furious, angered, but as she tried to tell him, the words got more insecure, confused… and hurt. She had spat that last word like it was something she did not want to speak out loud. Still, as ignorant as he was, he did not get that and just raised an eyebrow.
"You heard that?" he asked her cautious, his voice softer for he feared that one slight misunderstanding could lead to another explosion between them. She simply nodded and looked up at him. One last time. She was going to try just one last time. If he still refused to open up to her afterwards, he can just go die – metaphorically, of course.
"I… don't hate you, but… I don't like you either…" she began, choosing her words carefully as she looked at him from under her bangs. He froze for a moment until she saw him relax his shoulders, waiting for an answer. He then gave a slight nod, telling her to go on. "But. But… I would never wish for someone to die. Even if you're a jerk and even if you were ungrateful more than once… I still wouldn't wish for it. So don't just go saying that you'd like to die." By now she was hugging herself, holding herself up as she tried to keep her feelings in check. That was not like her at all. It felt weird, being so… reasonable. She was afraid of what he might say. She had just shown her vulnerable side, unconsciously. It was so easy for him to hurt her now. So easy that she was about to faint if she thought about it for just another moment longer. But before she could retreat entirely, she heard a short huff. Was he… laughing at her? She furrowed her eyebrows and glared at him, making him raise his arms instantly.
"No no no, you don't understand. I didn't mean to laugh at you!" he said so fast that she had to go it over again in order to let his words sink in. "It's… errr… heh… erm…" he stuttered. It was difficult, voicing his true feelings and thoughts. He felt how the air came short again, making him panic for immediately. He could not do it. His heart was too weak for that. He cannot, it is too much. He couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't, he-
And then he looked up to meet her eyes. She was afraid, too. She was waiting anxiously for his response. Realizing that she had just did the thing that he was about to run away from again calmed him down. She took the risk- no. She took the chance. He forced his breath to even before he pulled himself together. At least, he should return the favor. "I… It's the first time… someone told me something like that. I… normally, people would tell me that I'm not… normal. They tell me that I could never be one of them. That I'm better off dead. Ha, none of them ever tried understanding me. All they cared for was what I could do for them, but they never did return the favor!" Hiccup was grinning maniacally at the memories, grabbing his head in order to calm down. This was strange. Once he began, he could not stop it anymore. Everything was flowing out of his mouth like a waterfall that had been sealed all along.
"A-And the only people who stayed by my side nonetheless were my parents and Gobber! And then they took my mother! Now they've probably taken my father, too! Gobber is the only one I have left! I just- I can't even- It doesn't make any sense! It's as if the whole world is against me and I can't do anything!" His voice reached an unbearable volume, making the Princess flinch for a second there as she listened to him. She now understood that he was hurt… very much, but she still did not know why he still smiled. He was grinning, as if it would keep him from breaking apart. He looked slightly… insane. She could see how small tears were forming at the corner of his eyes, threatening to let loose if he let out another word. She had to do something, she knew she had to do something but she did not know what. She had never been good at comforting people. Normally she would punch them and tell them to stop crying. But in that very moment it felt awfully wrong to do so. She knew that this was a delicate matter and depending on how she acted next, it could determine their near future. If they could be friends or not, and although she would never admit it to him, she wanted to be friends with him. Something was drawing her towards him. She might not know what, but she could find it out if she secured them a friendship.
She approached him slowly, each step mindful and slow, making sure not to startle him. She lifted her hand, about to touch him, but withdrew it after all. Clenching her hand into a fist, she punched his arm, breaking his panic instantly. He yelped and looked at her with disbelief. She was about to regret it but heck, he needed that.
"That just means that they don't see what an interesting guy you are," she stated confidently as she crossed her arms, refusing any complaint that lay on his tongue. He still stared at her, dumbfounded about the whole situation. While rubbing the spot on his arm where she had hit him, he slowly smiled. He had expected anything but that. It just proved that she was really not normal. Normal people would take him in their arms and comfort him. She did not. She punched him. He laughed and shook his head before he smiled at her gently. "You're… unbelievable. You're amazing."
The smile he gave her made her heart skip a beat, making it hard for her to breathe. As the comment sunk in, she blushed madly. Of course, she had heard those words often enough on every party where all the nobles gathered. However, it was the first time that those words sounded so sincere, so honest. Urgh, damn that guy and his stupid grin. Maybe she could punch him again. Surely,he would not mind, right? Maybe she should test the waters, so her hands were clenched into fists again, but before she could strike, Hiccup spoke up. "I'm sorry." What?
"What?" she asked aloud again.
"I'm sorry." He sighed and looked at her. "I'm sorry about the other day. It's… hard for me… to-" Say what's on my mind? Admit my feelings? Jump over my shadow? "-talk." Hiccup closed his eyes and waited until he was brave enough to hold her gaze. It was so hard, looking at people, looking them in the eyes. How could she do that? It felt uncomfortable and soon he avoided her gaze again.
"I'm sorry, too."
"What?"
"I said, I'm sorry, too. Gods, you need to focus." She rolled her eyes at the way he gave her that blank face.
"Why would you need to apologize?" He raised an eyebrow, clearly confused.
"Because of the beating I gave you. It wasn't nice…"
"You punched me today. Twice," he pointed out. Astrid groaned and punched him again on his arm.
"Ow! Why would you do that?!"
"Because you deserved it! Now shut up and listen. You're sorry. I'm sorry. We're both sorry. So let's leave that behind us, alright? I-" Was she really going to ask him that? Urgh, she knew she would regret it later if she did not. As embarrassing as it might be, she still had to ask. "I want to be friends with you. If you don't mind."
Hiccup's eyes widened, making her doubt her decision all the more. This was not good. He will turn her down. She knew it. She should have kept silent and should not have rushed it. Stupid stupid her. Now she might never get a chance to have someone who could ever be a good friend to her. Well, except Ruffnut. But she was a special exception. That girl just had no common sense. The longer Hiccup did not answer, the more nervous she got.
"I would love to be friends with you, Astrid," he said, giving her that goofy smile that made her heart melt. Why was she feeling this? It was so weird, so annoying, so uncomfortable. But then again, she did it. He accepted her suggestion. They could be friends. She could have a real friend, at last. When the moment passed, and none of them spoke a word, the silence would grow awkward. So, now that they've agreed to be friends, what did they do? Both were new to this and both did not want to make the first step. Astrid sighed. Just as she had solved one problem, another arose.
"So… why were you here again?" Hiccup broke the silence, eyeing her cautious but also curiously.
"Oh! Gobber wanted you to sharpen his sword. He insisted that I would take it to you and no other blacksmith since he did not trust them. Or something like that." While she spoke, she had handed him the sword that lay on her back. He took it without checking it out and looked at her.
"And what will you- we do now? I mean, no that we're… friends."
"Yeah, friends," she confirmed.
"Yeah…"
"Maybe we could try to get to know each other," she suggested as she played with the ends of her braid. Hiccup watched her movement and smirked a bit.
"How?"
"I don't know. Hey! Don't make me do all the thinking!" she snapped, her mouth wonderfully pressed against each other in a thin line as she glared at him again. Hiccup laughed and sighed, thinking about it too. Then it hit him.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" Astrid raised her eyebrows at the question and was a bit hesitant before she nodded slightly. "Sure, go ahead."
"How old are you?"
"Why would you want to know that?"
"I've been wondering about it for a while."
Still eyeing him as she searched for a hint of joke or ridicule behind his eyes, she continued to glare at him. When nothing was found and she was sure that he meant no harm, she shrugged. "Just turned eighteen. What about you?"
"Nineteen."
"So you're older than me, huh."
"Seems like it."
"Well, I sure don't like it," she said and punched him on his arm again.
"My arm will cease to function properly if you keep that up!" he complained, rubbing that spot again as he soothed the pain. Astrid laughed at that comment and grinned widely. Yes, it felt right. This whole thing with him felt right. She would make sure to thank Gobber later… or not. Depends on his decision if she could join the training or not. Until then, she would just enjoy the feeling of happiness after making up with him and more.
Date of Update: 29th February 2016
~ KeGzZ
