It started out with longing glances and smiles across the bullpen. Coffees on Sundays with the kids. Late night stakeouts filled with jokes to pass the time. It was so slow they barely noticed what was happening before it did. Slowly but surely, they became best friends. It was weird for both, being best friends, since no one had ever fulfilled that role in their lives before. The squad could notice the change in the way they were around each other, softer, kinder, and almost loving.
One look, dark room
Meant just for you
Time moved too fast
You play it back
Weekend sleepovers kind of become their thing. Amanda, the girls and Frannie come over every Friday night and stay with Olivia and Noah. The kids, Frannie included, go crazy every time, and play until they fall asleep in the middle of the living room. Olivia and Amanda carry them to Noah's room and then retreat to watch a movie or drink wine. These sleepovers become so frequent that Olivia cleans out a drawer for Amanda and the girls' things. Amanda even has a favorite shirt she steals from Olivia, an old NYPD shirt from Olivia's days in the academy.
Morning, his place
Burnt toast, Sunday
You keep his shirt
One Sunday morning Amanda wakes in Olivia's bed to the smell of something burning. As she makes her way to the door, she can hear giggles and whispers coming from the kitchen.
The sight she sees makes her heart warm in a way it has never been before. She sees the kids making a mess as Olivia helps them prepare french toast. Billie is in her highchair eating strawberries and laughing at Noah and Jesse playing with the bread in the mixture and making it splatter everywhere. Olivia just shakes her head as she tries to make at least something that resembles french toast.
"Good morning y'all. I see you're making quite a mess huh?" she says and laughs as she comes up to the kids and kisses them all on the head. The idea of giving Liv a kiss flashes her mind as fast as her cheeks turn pink.
"Good morning. I hope we didn't wake you up, we wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed, but my little chefs have been playing rather than working" Olivia says with a smile as she plates the few pieces of toast she managed to save. Amanda returns the smile as she sits down next Olivia who places a plate and a cup of coffee in front of her.
"It's okay, this is a great way to be woken up if I do say so. Thank you for the breakfast and letting me sleep in, Liv" she squeezes Olivia's hand and feels the heat return to her cheeks. If Liv notices she doesn't say anything just smiles at her and sips at her coffee.
Amanda can't stop thinking about that morning so much so that she doesn't realize she is still wearing Olivia's shirt when she is back home.
You keep his shirt
He keeps his word
And for once, you let go
Of your fears and your ghosts
They can both sense that this is much more than friendship. It's so complex and fragile that they don't dare think too much about it. Both have endured enough pain for a lifetime, having perfected the art of self-preservation that always keeps them at arm's length. So, they just enjoy the simplicity of the domestic weekends spent together and kind gestures made throughout the week and ignore the flutters in their chest when they look in each other's eyes.
One night he wakes
Strange look on his face
Pauses, then says
You're my best friend
And you knew what it was
He is in love
The energy between them shifted the past week. It's like all the walls they'd tried to build up came crashing down all at once. The squad noticed it too, Fin and Carisi quickly picking up on the tension that fills the room whenever they are together. It's obvious to both of them there is something that's been going on between the women for a while now, but they both know better than to butt their heads in their business. As the weekend gets closer, Olivia and Amanda both feel the panic set in. They know the kids have been waiting for the sleepover all week so they can't cancel and run away from their feelings.
On Friday evening Amanda stands at Olivia's door with a knot in her stomach. She could use her keys, but she knocks instead as she feels the knot grow.
"Hey, there are my favorite girls! Here let me help you" Olivia says with a smile as she picks Billie up from her stroller, Jesse and Frannie already making their way over to the living room floor where Noah was playing with some toys. Amanda smiles as she looks at Olivia plastering kisses all over Billie's chubby cheeks.
"I brought some wine for my favorite girl and some ice cream for my favorite boy" she says as she puts the wine on the table and ice cream in the fridge. Noah runs over to her and gives her a hug.
"Thank you, auntie Manda you're the bestest, I love you" he says as he snuggles up to her and Amanda's heart feels full.
"I love you too my best boy, now go on and play and you and Jesse can have some ice cream after dinner" she says as she gives him a kiss on the head. He hurries over to where Jesse is making a mess with the toys, and she catches Olivia watching her. As she looks over, Olivia is looking at her with eyes full of love and she thinks she couldn't be more in love with her.
After a long evening of playtime, dinner and ice cream they are finally in bed, and all alone left to deal with the tension that's been following them all week.
"Olivia…" Amanda whispers, so softly that if they hadn't been so close Olivia would've missed it. As she looks at Amanda, she feels it, it feels like a burst of color inside of her and she understands what Amanda's eyes are saying.
"Amanda, you know you are my best friend, right?" she says, and Amanda looks a bit puzzled but nods. "I never want to lose you, lose this."
And Amanda knows what she means, knows the fear she feels by opening her heart up to another person, to a person who means the entire world to her. She reaches out and tangles their fingers together. She moves closer to Olivia, so close that she can feel her breath hitch as their bodies touch. She moves one hand to brush Olivia's hair off her cheek and leaves it there enjoying the closeness.
"I know" she says as she closes the distance between them and presses their lips together. It's soft, sweet, full of emotion. It's their way of letting the other know how they feel without having to voice it. As they pull away their eyes lock and they don't have to say it, they know they are both in love.
