Chapter 11: Chat Noir
Marinette's POV:

She opened her eyes unwillingly to the sound of her parents washing dishes downstairs, He knows. And that's one step towards Chat Blanc. She shuddered at the thought. Maybe she should leave him. Break her own heart to save his. The thought made her throat fill with a lump. Her eyes burned from the night before but still, tears formed at the corners. She didn't want to lose him.

"Tikki?" she croaked

"Yes?" The small creature responded watching her holder with worry

"Should I text him?" She asked with a small broken voice

"I think regardless of how you do it, you two need to talk. He knows who you are now, and you have some serious fears you need to tell him about." Tikki lectured

"Right. I'll text him. Spots on" Marinette spoke dully, calling on her transformation.

She pulled out her yoyo and slid it upwards to send a text but saw she already received one from her partner.

"Hey, can we talk tonight? I'll be at our usual spot at 6 okay? – CN"

Great. Well I guess he's mad at me. She mumbled. He'll probably leave me.

The rest of the day was hazy. She had seen Alya briefly for coffee, but nothing was connecting in her head. She was barely there.

She sat across from her best friend at a café down the street. She stuck a small spoon in her latte and swirled it around, not taking a sip. Alya watched her carefully.

"This is unlike you Mari. You always drink your coffee. What's going on?" she reached her hand over the table and touched her friends shirt sleeve.

Marinette sighed, feeling her chest tighten. "I…" tears began to fill her eyes. Alya stood up, grabbing her chair and placed it next to her friend. She sat beside her now and linked their arms together. Marinette continued, appreciating Alya's support. "I lied to you about Chat. We've been dating in secret since the end of the school year" she bit her lip thinking about how badly she wanted to go back to that time.

"That's wonderful girl! I mean I'm mad that you didn't tell me but it's obvious that you two have something special. But wait- you're sad? Did he hurt you? I swear if he did" She pursed her lips looking at Marinette, wondering why he was making her sad.

"No, he didn't. I think I'm the hurtful one. Everything was perfect but…. There was something about dating him that scared me. Something that happened years ago in another timeline. And it happened because he found out my identity I think. So ever since then, I put off my feelings for him, to try and prevent that event from ever happening. I finally figured it would be safe to date him as long as he didn't find out my identity but.." she gulped

"He knows?" Alya gasped.

"Yes Al, he knows! And now I'm terrified that it'll happen again! The thing that happened in the past" she cried

"What happened in the past?" Alya spoke quietly

"I can't talk about it… I'm sorry…but I can't let it happen and the more people I tell, the more risky it is. And he told me he found out who I was last night. That's when I freaked out at him and left him sitting on the roof. I acted like a total moron cuz I was scared. And now I probably pushed him away" she sniffled and reached for a napkin on the table. "again" she crumpled up the napkin and tossed it across the table pouting.

"Hun, that boy wouldn't leave you for anything. He has been in love with you since like the dawn of time" Alya laughed. "Just talk to him. I'm sure it'll be ok. What's the worst thing that could happen? You apologize and you tell him the truth, he forgive you and you two figure it out? Doesn't sound too bad to me" she rubbed Marinette's shoulder.

Marinette breathed in deeply. "That could be the case. but he could also be shocked that I didn't tell him, hate me for it, and hate me for the way I acted last night. I just….I just don't want to lose him Alya. I love him." She lifted her mug to her mouth, finally taking a sip.

"Wow. Who would've thought you'd finally admit to that" Alya teased. "But seriously. You won't lose him. I know him almost as well as you do, and I don't think he'd back out that easily. Just talk to him, ok? And drink your coffee… it solves all problems." She finished. Both the girls laughed

"Thanks, Alya… for listening… I'll talk to him" she shrugged looking out the window. It was raining.

Marinette left early and decided to walk until it became night. The air became crisp again, and she pulled her hands under her arms. Nothing lasts forever. She told herself. Her eyes burned again. She transformed behind a lamp post.

When she arrived, he had already been there, sitting criss crossed with his hands folded in his lap. He gazed out at the sunset. She wondered if he was leaving her or if he would turn around and meet her eyes with a crazed look, already akumatized saying "My Lady! I thought I'd lost you!" She shuddered briefly but shook her head. This wasn't the case. He was clearly in a black suit.

Carefully, she sat down next to him, making sure to leave a few feet between them.

"you're probably mad at me for being so confusing yesterday" she started shyly. He stayed quiet. She studied his expression. He didn't seem mad but rather focused.

He scrunched his lips slightly before opening his mouth. "You know, when we first started this whole super hero thing, I wasn't in the best position in my normal life. I had recently lost my mother and I didn't have many friends" He started speaking.

"Chat I" she tried to interject but he held his hand up.

"I know ladybug. It's ok. Please let me finish" he spoke calmly. She nodded and he continued "I think that's part of the reason why I'm so attached to you and why I always run away from fights; because you're the closest person I have to family in my life. You always have been. And whenever you used to not tell me things or go on secret missions without me, and when Scarabella first replaced you, I was so scared of you abandoning me that I ran away before you could say anything that made me feel like you were leaving. I was just scared and if i'm being honest, I still am. Somehow, even now, even though I know you love me, I still fear losing you all the time." He shifted positions now, so that his body was facing hers. His eyes lifted to look at her and he took another breath. His thumbs moved around each other in his lap. "I guess what I'm trying to say by all this is that I know how it feels. I know how it feels to be scared of losing someone. I'm not going anywhere ladybug I promise." His eyes locked on hers and her heart filled with warmth.

"How did you know?" she spoke breathlessly. He guessed exactly what had been wrong, without even knowing about Chat Blanc. She was always so wrong about him. He wasn't angry or upset. He understood.

"Cats intuition maybe" he half smiled. "And I know you better than you think" he tilted his head, watching her expressions with intent.

Oh yeah. He did know a lot more than she wanted him to. Like her identity. She thought. "Right." She spoke shortly.

His hand reached the back of his head and he rubbed it nervously. "I didn't mean it like that. We don't have to talk about that you know- about me knowing. Whenever you're ready, ok? And about your… dream" he added awkwardly.

"I want to talk Chat. I really do. I just don't feel…. ready" she looked out at the sun as it set deeper into the sky.

"Well, when you are, just let me know okay?" he spoke watching the sun with her.

"I will." She added and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

After the sun had set, Ladybug made her way home. She had been too nervous to ask him if she could stay with him again, being that there seemed to be some tension still there- she still hadn't told him the full truth. Sighing, she detransformed and got into bed.

"it was our love that did this to the world!" Chat blanc echoed. Visions of him flashed before her.

"I might as well destroy me, you, our memories, EVERYTHING!" he screamed

"Chat Noir please!" she screamed running towards him. He stopped his blast of light. She crept towards him.

"it's Chat Blanc now, Marinette" he peered into her eyes looking completely unbalanced. Her stomach filled with unease.

"You'll always be Chat Noir to me" she whimpered gazing into his blue eyes, wanting them to turn green desperately.

Choking on air, Marinette woke up in a cold sweat. She needed to see him. To tell him. She needed him there. She transformed and pulled out her phone.

"Chat Noir? Can you come over?" she sent it without thinking. He was probably in civilian form, there was no way he'd be out this late. Her phone buzzed immediately.

"On my way" He replied. Her stomach twisted with anticipation.

She walked onto her balcony wrapped in a blanket, tears streaming down her face. She waited until she saw him approaching. He landed softly on her roof and seemed to disintegrate when he met her eyes. He walked towards her, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Hey, you're freezing! What are you doing out her?" he whispered into her hair. She took a choked breath and cried a little more. "It's ok baby I'm here" he continued. She loved the new nickname he had used when she seemed distressed. She breathed in his scent. "Let's get you inside" he spoke sweetly and led them both into her trap door.

He lowered her into her bed and crawled beneath the covers with her, pulling her on top of him.

"What's got you crying tonight princess, tell me" He kissed her forehead.

"My nightmares kitty. They're memories" she hiccupped.

"Memories of what?" he questioned stroking her hair.

"Before you freak out, remember that I hid this to prevent you from feeling guilty and to prevent it from happening again" She started. He remained quiet. "A few years ago. Bunnix took me through her rabbit hole. She brought me to a timeline where you had been akumatized" she gulped. She waited a few moments for a response.

His took a deep breathe. "Oh" his voice cut the silence

"I know." She whispered "anyway. You were all white. Your eyes were blue and nothing like they are usually. You had an incredibly strong power. It was like your cataclysm but with no limits. You kept using it until the entire world was destroyed. Everyone and everything.. you were all alone when I found you" she started crying but stopped herself. His grip tightened on her. He stopped petting her head.

"Did I hurt you, Mari? When you had to face me. Did I hurt you?" he asked with desperation in his voice.

"No. you chased me, screamed a lot, and tried to take my earrings. I think you knocked me into the water, but you didn't cause me any damage. Just a fear of it becoming a reality" she gulped "Kitty. You told me that our love did it to the world. That you did all of it because of me. And you called me Marinette" she began sobbing. "So I thought.." she couldn't finish her sentence.

"My lady…." He began "An Akuma told you that. I'm sorry that the Akuma was me but…. They say all sorts of things and they're not always right. I'm sure something stupid happened… my emotions were all over the place a few years ago, anything could've set me off." He began petting her again to calm her sobs. "I promise I won't let myself lose control. I won't succumb to his manipulation. I promise" he spoke seriously.

"You also…. Threatened to commit suicide Chat… was that the akuma talking too?" she removed her head from his chest and tried to see his face through her teary eyes. He stared at the ceiling and swallowed.

"I hope so" he replied in a small voice

"What does that mean?" new tears formed and rolled down her cheeks.

"Well…" he started. "I'm- not always the happy cat that I appear to be. I have thought about it before. But I'll try harder to not think like that. For you" he kissed her head.

She looked up at him. His eyes were closed. "Chat, I had no idea. I'm sorry I've been so negligent. Please never hesitate to talk to me about those types of things" she wrapped her arms under his torso.

"It's not your fault. And I'll talk sometime my lady but tonight is about you. You need to relieve what's been on your mind…not me" he reassured her

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you" She sniffled

"Hey. It's ok. I get it. You were scared. I've been terrified to talk about your identity. And now I know why you reacted the way you did when I told you… I'm sorry you've been carrying all of this alone" he kissed her forehead repeatedly. "I'll never let you carry another burden alone again." He stopped petting her to wrap his arms around her tightly.

Her entire being relaxed. All her secrets, all her lies, doubts, and fears collapsed under the comfort of his arms. "I should have let myself love you sooner" she sighed. "I don't know why I kept worrying about you becoming Chat Blanc when you were Chat Noir the whole time. You're…perfect"

He chuckled "No, I'm really not"

"You are to me. Flaws and all" she nuzzled him. "I don't think I could do any of this without you" she continued. "I've been so scared of telling you about this Chat Noir. I really don't want to lose you. Please never let yourself want to… you know what… ever again… I would be devastated." She kissed his collarbone.

"That means so much more than you could ever imagine" he spoke quietly, and his voice shook a little.

"I know I seem ultra-confident when I'm Ladybug, but I really don't always feel that way. Sometimes I'm just me and I'm scared of everything. I'm sorry if that disappoints you." She blurted.

"I'm sorry a version of me got akumatized, lost control, destroyed the world and scared you away Mari" he apologized laughing slightly at the weight of his words. "And nothing about you is disapointing! I don't think you're always confident. You are confident and strong but that's not all I see. You're crazy if you think that's the only reason, I fell for you. You're forgetting how much we've been through together. I already knew all sides of you before I knew who you were. I didn't think you'd ever fear losing me though, that is a pleasant surprise. I thought I was the only one" he replied

"Don't feel sorry about Chat Blanc. I mean that. It's not your fault" she looked up at him. "and no. you're not the only one at all. I've been scared to lose you since the first time you sacrificed yourself for me. Being with you now though has made it worse" she gulped

"I'll try not to feel guilty about what happened. I know you hate it when I do" he smiled at her. "And really? I thought you were exaggerating whenever you got mad at that type of thing" he was genuinely surprised.

As he spoke, she realized how close he was to her, and it made her heart flutter. Without words, she sprung up and planted a deep kiss on his lips. She felt an intense wave of happiness and warmth run through her. She felt undeniably safe and at ease for the first time in years. She began crying again.

"Hey what's this about?" he questioned lifting his hand to her eyes to wipe her new tears.

"These ones are a mix of happy and sad" she smiled "It feels so good to be with you right now. You're everything I could've ever hoped for. I'm such a moron for missing out on this" she held his hand to her cheek and nuzzled it

"You're not a moron, princess. I've had my fair share of annoying moments. You weren't missing much" He chuckled.

"I don't care. You're perfect to me" she replied leaning down to kiss him.

"I feel the same about you" he kissed her back. "I don't want to leave your side" he pulled her down on top of him.

"Stay tonight." she found her place on his chest.

"Ask and you shall receive. Goodnight love" he mewed

"Goodnight kitty." She sighed.