Disclaimer: Credit to Jonathan Nolan, Greg Plageman, and the POI writing team for these lovely characters (though Elena is mine). Any bolded sections come straight from the episodes.
THE DETECTIVE AND MRS. RILEY
Shootin' Around the Christmas Tree
Timeline
• Queensbridge Park
• Elena Cassidy's Home for Retired Assassins (ch 3)
• Fusco Meets the Rileys (ch 4)
• Little Mistress Normal (ch 5)
• Drinks (ch 10)
• Detective Darkness and Little Miss Sunshine (ch 12)
• Bear's Collection (ch 2)
• Home Safe Home (ch 9)
• Hell in the Hamptons (ch 13-16)
• Risque Business (ch 20)
• Detective Cassidy (ch 21)
• Bets on Broadway (ch 11)
• Toast (ch 19)
• Friendsgiving (ch 24)
• SHOOTIN' AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE
• Nicknames (ch 22)
• Swingers Cruise (ch 6)
• Knockout (ch 8)
• Ellie with the Pink Hair (ch 18)
• Queen E (ch 1)
• Toxic (ch 17)
• Get to the Chopper! (ch 7)
• Meat Me in St. Louis (ch 23)
• Queensbridge Park epilogue
On an unexpectedly quiet winter afternoon, Shaw and Reese find themselves in the rare situation of being at home while Elena is out. Shaw is busy doing maintenance on their guns, which are laid out on the floor in front of a roaring fire. Reese is busy in the kitchen baking cookies.
They're also engaged in a passive-aggressive game of tug-of-Bear.
"Bear, hier," Shaw and Reese say at the same time.
Bear looks from Tall Man to Hammer Lady, clearly torn.
"Remember who saved you from those Bad Men?" Reese prompts as he mixes frosting in a bowl with quick, efficient strokes.
"Remember who you sleep with every night?" Shaw says as she oils a gun.
"Remember who I sleep with every night?" Reese retorts, playing his trump card, since he's sure Elena will tip the scales in his favor.
Bear whines. He can't choose!
But his ears perk up as he hears familiar footsteps on the path leading up to the house. Pretty Lady!
She solves the dilemma for him, since if he picks her, Hammer Lady and Tall Man can't be angry, because even though they sometimes bark at her, they're never really angry at Pretty Lady.
Both Shaw and Reese are convinced Bear is about to choose them, but then the door opens and Bear darts for the newcomer.
"Hi, Beary!" Elena greets brightly, coming in with a whirl of flurries and shopping bags.
Shaw and Reese look at each other, resigned.
"Guess we know who the true alpha is here," Shaw mutters sarcastically. "The least threatening thing in this house."
"She's a pretty good shot," Reese says fairly.
"Yeah, she'll just apologize and send you a gift basket after shooting you."
"Did you miss me, Honey Bear?" Elena is cooing to the Belgian Malinois. "Oh! All the Kisses today, huh? I missed you, too, honey."
"How come she never talks to us like that?"
"She doesn't talk like that to you?" [1] Reese says smugly, taking the sheet of cookies he'd been monitoring out of the oven.
"Oh!" Elena stops short as she walks in from the foyer and sees them. "What are you doing here?" she demands.
Shaw smirks at Reese, who gives Elena an unamused look. "I missed you, too, honey," he deadpans.
She sets her bags on one of the chairs and begins unwrapping herself from her multiple layers. "Not that I'm not glad to see both your pretty but menacing faces, but no one's trying to kill anyone else in all of New York?"
"Apparently not." Shaw hands her her serviced backup piece. "Merry Christmas."
"Cookies and a clean gun? And it's not even Christmas yet! You two do know how to spoil a girl."
"I even saved you some cookie dough," Reese points out.
"You're too good to be true, John Reese," she sighs, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"And how was Elena Clark's workday?" he asks, trying and failing to sound casual.
"Utterly boring," she assures him. "She didn't even get to tase someone ... though these heels just might kill her," she adds with a wince as she slips out of his grasp and flits up the stairs to change into something more comfortable.
As soon as Elena steps out of the room, Shaw steps over to her shopping bags and begins poking through them.
"What the hell?"
"What is it?" Reese asks warily, keeping an eye on the hallway. "Did she get us all matching sweaters or something?"
"No, thank God. There's nothing in these bags, Reese."
"What?"
He steps over to join her and confirms the bags are empty except for some tissue paper.
"Then what —?"
"You didn't think I'd leave my presents unattended when I live with two spies, do you?" Elena asks smugly, from where she's watching them from the stairway. She turns to Bear. "And isn't it strange that Ms. I Don't Celebrate Holidays and Mr. I Don't Need Anything are curious about their presents?"
Bear barks in agreement.
"It was Reese's idea," Shaw says.
"I saw you look first, Sameen."
Reese tries not to look too smug. He fails.
Elena comes back down the stairs. "If we're going to do this holiday thing, we have to do it properly."
"What does that mean?" Shaw asks warily.
"Just hear me out ..."
"Spit it out, Cassidy."
"I think we should get a tree."
"There's a guy selling some in a parking lot near the precinct," Reese says. "I can grab one tomorrow."
"No, I mean, I'd like to go to a farm and pick one out and cut one down," Elena specifies. "With you two," she adds, with a bright smile. "And Bear."
"Nope," Shaw says at once.
Reese catches the fall in Elena's expression. "C'mon, Shaw, you might even like it. You'll get to wield an ax," he points out.
"Actually, I think most places use handsaws," Elena says apologetically.
"Still a weapon," Reese says. "Shaw, I'll give you a bottle of your favorite whiskey if you go along with this," he mutters under his breath.
"Ugh, are we giving each other presents now?"
"Present, bribe. Come on."
"Fine, Cassidy, we'll go get your tree," she says aloud. "Want me to jack a station wagon to complete your little winter wonderland fantasy?"
"Aw, you'd do that for me, Sameen?"
The next morning, Reese is staring at a station wagon parked in front of the house. He just manages to catch the keys Shaw tosses him as she trudges down the steps.
"You never half-ass anything, Shaw."
"Wait till you see Pixie and Bear."
He doesn't have to wait, because the next moment, Bear and Elena emerge from the house. She's wearing a headband that looks like reindeer ears, and there's a jingling sound that follows them as they walk to the car.
"What —?"
"Oh, that's Bear's collar," Elena explains, and Bear shakes his head so that Tall Man and Hammer Lady can appreciate his new necklace full of bells.
Shaw and Reese exchange a look, but Elena misses it as she lets Bear into the backseat. She hands a thermos to Shaw as she gets in beside Bear.
"What's this?"
"Hot chocolate."
"Ugh."
"Spiked with Baileys."
"Hm."
But when Elena glances in the sideview mirror, she catches a glimpse of Shaw taking a healthy swig from the thermos, which is empty by the time they get to the farm.
Elena doesn't actually care what the tree looks like. She's already having the time of her life trudging through the snow with a handsaw-wielding Reese and a scowling Shaw pulling the wagon for their tree. Currently hitching a ride in the wagon is a joyous Bear, who's really enjoying the bells of his new collar.
"Do you wanna build a snowman?" Elena sings to Bear.
Bear barks in response, on beat.
Shaw and Reese exchange a look of panic.
"Come on, let's find this damn tree before this turns into a Disney musical," Shaw mutters, forging ahead.
"That's your pick?" Shaw says derisively a few moments later, looking in disdain at the tree Reese stops in front of, a tall, trim fir standing a few feet taller than the other surrounding trees.
"It's symmetrical, got a lot of branches for hanging stuff, won't take up too much space in the living room," Reese points out.
"It's too damn tall, genius. It won't fit in the house."
Elena looks from John to the tree, trying to visualize where the ceiling would be. "I think she's right, darling," she finally agrees. "It'll need to be a little bit shorter."
"You think you can do better?" Reese challenges Shaw.
"I know I can do better."
Surveying the tree farm like she's picking a target out of a crowd, Shaw leads the way to one several rows over — a perfectly triangular tree with branches pointing slightly upward, just right for holding decorations, except ...
"It's lopsided," Reese points out.
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it is."
Shaw and Reese turn to Elena to decide.
She didn't really expect their little excursion to take a competitive turn, though she should have known better, considering her companions. "It is a little lopsided, Sameen," she admits.
"Which way?" Shaw demands.
"It's leaning a little to the right."
"It's leaning at least 4 degrees to the right," Reese specifies.
"Well, you're going to fill the branches with crap anyway, aren't you? That'll even it out."
"I don't think that's how it works. But maybe one similar?" Elena suggests placatingly.
"Fine," Shaw snaps. "Bear, zook!"
At Hammer Lady's request, Bear leaps out of the wagon and starts his search, pulling Pretty Lady along behind him since he has her on the leash today.
He stops in front of a tree and barks.
"This one?" Elena asks uncertainly. Bear is sitting proudly in front of a squat pine that's round on the bottom and very scrawny on top.
Bear looks up at Pretty Lady hopefully.
"Oh, I don't know ..." Elena begins.
Shaw grins, not because Cassidy is afraid of hurting the dog's feelings (though that's funny, too), but because she knows why Bear picked this tree.
"You might want to let go of his leash, El," Reese advises, eyeing the tree as it shakes a little.
"Why — oh!" She drops the leash just in time, as a squirrel leaps from the branches of Bear's tree, and Bear takes off in pursuit of the creature.
"Oh, Bear, don't ..."
"He won't hurt it, he'll just chase it around for a bit," Reese assures her. "Well, that's three strikes, we're out. Your turn, El."
She turns in a circle, trying to find a tree that jumps out at her. She doesn't have anything particular in mind, but she'll know it when she sees it.
"There! That one," she decides, pointing in the distance.
"The color's weird," Shaw says, as they draw near.
"It's supposed to be that color."
"Blue spruce," Reese says quietly, almost to himself. "Had one of these outside my bedroom window when I was growing up."
Elena looks up at him with a soft expression as she slips her mittened hand into his gloved one and squeezes.
"All right, you gonna kill this tree, or can I have the saw now?" Shaw asks once she decides Cassidy and Reese have had enough time for their little sentimental moment.
"Wait, let me take a picture! Bear! Bear, where are you?"
Tall Man's whistle sends Bear running back, though he's sad to leave his new little furry friend behind. He sits in front of the tree and smiles for the Black Rectangle, which seems to make Pretty Lady particularly happy.
"Next thing, you'll be sending out cards," Shaw gripes as she snaps a last photo of the Riley family and then tosses the phone carelessly back at Cassidy. Luckily, Elena catches it.
Elena laughs. "Don't be silly, who'd I send them to?"
Something tugs at Reese's chest at the realization that Elena doesn't have anyone to send holiday cards to, that she'd had to beg him and Shaw to take her Christmas tree hunting.
"Cards are overrated anyway," Shaw says, and Reese knows that despite her general lack of emotion, the same thought must have crossed her mind. He offers her the saw.
"You wanna cut?" he offers. "I'll catch."
"Thought you'd never ask," Shaw says, grabbing the saw and going to town.
"What am I supposed to do?" Elena asks.
"Take more pictures with Bear?"
So she does just that.
Well, Elena Cassidy never thought she'd be here: sitting in the middle of her living room, decorating a Christmas tree with two former international assassins and a military working dog.
"Hang on, no, wait, Sameen, you don't need a stapler to put ribbons [2] on the tree. Here, see these metal twisty things? Twist them on the branches."
Shaw tosses the spool back at Elena. "You know I'm shit at ribbons, Cassidy. You make it look pretty."
Reese looks down from where he's decorating the highest branches of the tree. "Are we going to open gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?"
Elena shrugs. "I mean, we can do whatever we like, start our own tradition."
"Let's just open them now," Shaw suggests.
Elena and Reese stare at her. "You got us ... presents?" Elena asks uncertainly.
"Yeah, what of it?"
"Nothing! I'm just ... well, I think it's too early to be exchanging presents. It's barely December," Elena points out, recovering from their shock.
"So we have to wait nearly a whole month?"
"Not a fan of delayed gratification, Shaw?" Reese needles.
"No. I'm not you."
Reese narrows his eyes.
"Let's open them Christmas Eve," Elena suggests before they can open fire on each other.
A/N: Part two of this little holiday vignette, We Wish You a Merry Reesemas, will be posted on Christmas Day. Happy holidays!
[1] She doesn't talk like that to you?
[Finch singing 'We're Not Gonna Take It' at a wedding Team Machine is crashing]
ROOT: How come Harry never sings to us?
REESE: He doesn't sing to you?
— A More Perfect Union (s5e06)
[2] Stapler ribbons
[Root watches Shaw staple a ribbon to a box in Bloomingdales]
ROOT: Didn't teach you knots in Girl Scouts?
— Panopticon (s4e01)
