Roach woke to another day on the base. Same shit, different day. Get up, take a shower and eat then training and lunch, followed by more training until dark. Roach kept training, kept busy and tried hard not to think about the pills. It was hard and some days he wanted to say fuck it and throw it all away to feel that numb bliss again.

Stop it. He told himself and he shook his head to try and clear away the dark thoughts. His hands shook around the mug of coffee and he tightened his grip. The hot liquid scalded his throat but it helped remind him of where he was and how far he'd come.

Poet sat down next to him and nudged his shoulder. "What's up? You look terrible."

"Just a bad day," Roach replied.

Nobody knew about his addiction, well except Soap and Price. Soap had been the one to force his recovery, threatened him with expulsion if he didn't get himself together. He still felt guilty and disgusted when remembering how he'd been caught stealing from the infirmary.

Good days and bad days. More bad days than good.

"Well, you'll be glad to know we're hitting the town tonight. Want to join us?"

Just what he needed, another addiction. "No thanks." Roach had learned his lesson the hard way. The ring he wore around his neck was a constant reminder of what those pills had cost him. "I prefer the quiet."

"Well if you change your mind just hit me up." Poet clapped his shoulder and got up. "We're leaving in an hour."

"Thanks but no thanks." Roach lifted his cup. "I'll stick to coffee." Also an addiction, but less damaging.

Poet left him and after a while, Roach got up to leave too. Maybe he'd go for another run before turning in. The doors banged open and he turned to see it was Soap.

"Roach, I need to tell you something so sit down." Soap gently pushed him into a chair and sat opposite him. "Ghost's coming back next week, I just got the call."

"Oh, ok." He supposed he should feel something at the news but oddly, there was nothing.

"Are you going to be ok?" Roach looked up into Soap's concerned face and forced a smile.

"I'll be fine. It's all in the past after all." His hand went to his chest, fingers brushing over the ring there. "We've all got to move on at some point, right?"

"Just let me know if you start slipping ok?"

"I will." Roach wanted to scream at his Captain, for his lack of faith, for thinking he was weak. Maybe he was weak, always thinking about those goddamn pills. But he hadn't slipped up, he wasn't going to slip up. "I um, I'm going to go for a run."

Roach almost ran from the room to get away from that accusing stare.

The next week passed by quickly and despite Roach's earlier numbness, he was growing increasingly nervous. It had been over six months since he'd seen Ghost, almost a year since they'd spoken outside needing to on missions. He didn't know if he was ready for this confrontation but he didn't have a choice because there was the carrier bringing back his ex-husband.