Chapter 3 – Unfamiliar Ceiling

Eva Unit 01 came to a halt with a jolt. Shinji looked ahead through the displays in the cockpit at the monster he was supposed to fight. They were face to face. There was no turning back now. He remembered how the N2 mine had done literally nothing to this thing and couldn't help but feel it was invincible. How on earth could he fight it in this robot when the entire military hadn't so much as scratched it?

The radio in the cockpit came to life. "Are you ready, Shinji?" Misato asked.

No. "Um, yeah..." he replied weakly.

"Final safety locks release!" he head Misato faintly shout to the technicians on the bridge. "Evangelion Unit 01 move out!"

The machine lurched forward and Shinji gripped the pair of control sticks for fear of falling over. Ritsuko's voice sounded in the cockpit. "Shinji, just concentrate on walking for now," she said.

Easier said than done when that monster is right in front of me, he thought to himself. He focused all of his mind on the task at hand. Walk. Take a step. Just move the blasted thing! "Walk..." he murmured weakly.

To his amazement the Eva began to move. He found the sensation strange. It was as if his own leg was lifting and moving forward before coming to rest back on solid ground. He'd made the machine move! "Walk..." he murmured again. The Eva kept moving forward...

...and fell forward out of his control.

The Eva came crashing down to the ground face first. Shinji felt as if his head had been hit with a hammer. He clutched his head in his hands. He was seeing stars Why did the Eva falling over and hitting it's head make him feel like he had hit his head? What the hell was going on? "Shinji!" Misato was shouting. "Hurry! You've got to get up!"

He looked up and that monster was standing right above him. Before he could react a three fingered pincer like hand shot out and grabbed the Eva by it's head. It lifted him off of the ground and grabbed the left arm of his robot but... he could feel all of it! The monster started squeezing and pulling on the arm and it was excruciating. He was starting to panic. "Shinji! Calm down!" Misato shouted in his ears via the radio. "That's not your real arm!"

Despite her saying that, that didn't change what he was feeling. He couldn't move and he couldn't fight back. The pain was too much. Then he felt a shooting pain and his arm felt like it had been snapped. He couldn't scream. He was paralyzed with fear.

The monster began squeezing the Eva's head and then there came a stabbing pain in his eye. The thing was hitting him with that lance thing that came out of its hand. All he could do was clutch his face and hope it would be over soon. Getting in the robot had been a stupid idea. The banging continued until it felt like a white hot piece of steel had been driven through is own head. He felt himself flying backwards and come to a sudden stop and just as it became too much everything went black in the cockpit.

He could feel motion, like he was tumbling end over and jostling around in a giant washing machine. He could hear sounds of crashing and banging but couldn't see anything. He could hear sounds that sounded like growling, banging, screaming, roaring, it was terrifying. Then there came a great scream and a earth shattering bang followed by a rumble like thunder. Shinji continued sitting in his seat in utter confusion. Then the screens in the cockpit came back to life. He looked to his right and saw the reflection of the Evangelion in the mirrored glass windows of a building only now the metal armor that had covered it's head was gone. Why... why did it look like it wasn't a machine?

The empty eye socket bubbled with some sort of gray substance and suddenly there was a large green eye where the damage had been. Shinji stared at it and he watched as it focused in on him, staring back. He started shaking. He couldn't take it anymore. It had to be some kind of nightmare. He screamed...

...and then he awoke in staring up at a white ceiling.

Had it been a nightmare after all? He sat up and looked around. No... it couldn't have been. He had traveled to Tokyo 3 and... it was all too real to have been some kind of sick dream. He supposed that that girl was somewhere in the same hospital he was. He could feel some pain still behind his eye and in his arm. He pondered on how that was his reward for trying to do the right thing. No good deed goes unpunished...

Shinji Ikari laid back down and stared up at tiles above. It was yet another place he'd come to that had brought him pain. "Unfamiliar ceiling..." he murmured.

Familiar feelings...


Misato Katsuragi was sitting in a makeshift tent that sat at the center of the crater that had been left by the previous day's battle. She was wearing a hazmat suit in the oppressive July heat whilst cooling herself as best she could with a paper fan. It wasn't much different compared to any other month post Second Impact, but the traditionally summer months were always worse despite the global endless heatwave. She was helping to oversee the salvage effort after Unit 01's maiden deployment in combat and watching the news on a mobile television set. Even in a moment of rest being NERV's combat deployment commander was a reminder of her responsibilities.

How they could cover up what had happened the previous night was beyond her. That was the power of propaganda though, she rationalized. You show someone something on the news repeatedly and they'll eventually believe it... "Public scenario B22, just like we thought..." she mused before flipping the television off. "So we're covering up the truth again?"

"Well at least the PR people are happy," Ritsuko spoke from behind her. "They finally got something to do."

"We're being pretty casual about it," Misato voiced, dismissing her friend's argument.

"Actually I think we're all pretty scared," Ritsuko countered.

Misato knit her brow. "Of course we are..." she muttered. Who wouldn't be afraid after what we saw last night...

The previous night had been shocking to say the least. Delivering Shinji Ikari to headquarters had been simple enough but what had happened after was a different story. She'd tried to abort the mission when Unit 01 had been knocked out of commission but the Eva had gotten back up on it's own. It was like the damn thing had its own will. It had gone into a berserker rage and brutally attacked the Angel until it killed itself by self destructing. Despite knowing that the Evangelions were unpredictable and at the cutting edge of science seeing anything like that is frightening to say the least.

She felt bad for Shinji, he was a half conscious, gibbering mess when they'd pulled him from the plug. The recovery team had given him a sedative and sent him off to the medical ward just in case of mental contamination from contact with the Eva. His first deployment had nearly ended in disaster. That was war though, she reminded herself, and this was a war she longed to fight.

Still, she couldn't help but feel a kind of kinship with him after seeing how his relationship with his father was. It reminded her a lot of how bitter her own with hers had been when the man was still among the living... but when he died it had hurt even more than her strained relationship. A bad relationship is better than none. When your parent dies you'll never get a chance mend what's broken. It's just over... Shinji could at least work to repair the relationship with his dad, she couldn't. The fact that he died to save her was another thing she could never fully come to terms with.

All thanks to Second Impact and the First Angel Adam...

So whatever happened, she would bear the cross that was being NERV's combat operations commander. Once the war was over she'd be able to put her past to rest. I'll kill them all, no matter what... she thought, steeling herself for whatever lay ahead.


Despite her injuries being aggravated by the motion, she found herself twitching in her bed. Rei was feeling... restless. Yes, that was a good word for it. She never used to get restless but with so many unanswered questions to her current situation it was only human. If not for her sprained lumbar vertebrae she would be mobile and better able to answer them. The fact that she was not was quite frustrating to her. She had remembered this stay in the hospital from before... but this time it seemed to drag on endlessly. Was her life always so... boring?

Things were playing out differently than they had before. She hadn't been called out to pilot early in the day and only brought out as blackmail to get Ikari-kun to pilot. This could mean a great deal of things up to and including that her past or future knowledge of events could potentially be meaningless. Though this was a hard reality to swallow she was coming to terms with it. This still was not as difficult to wrap her mind around as to the still unanswered question as to why she was even alive at all.

Why am I here? she thought to herself. For what purpose am I here? For what reason do I exist? It wasn't that she was ungrateful, far from it, she simply desired a concrete reason for being.

But why did anyone or anything exist? Was it so hard to just... be? Does life need a set purpose or path to follow? These questions filled her mind. Questions upon questions acting as retorts and counters to other questions... but did the answer to any of them matter?

It was a new thought process for her and it was... invigorating and terrifying all at once. She knew that most people do not have a set reason to live or orders to follow. Most people struggle through life trying to make the best of their time on earth and be happy. So... why couldn't she? Why couldn't she have a life like them? Why couldn't she be like them? Why couldn't she strive and seek and find happiness?

There was no reason that she couldn't she realized whilst staring up at the ceiling tiles and florescent lights. She was an individual and the ability to chart one's own destiny is inborn.

So regardless of what happened going forward she would make the most of it. She remembered what Ikari-kun had said, how he needed to find out some things with his own heart and his own hands. She resolved to do the same. Whatever life had to offer, she wanted to find it.

For the very first time in her life, Rei Ayanami began to understand what life and the nature of the human condition was all about.

But what could she do to change anything? She was stuck living in a slummy apartment with no close bonds to anyone and under the thumb of Commander Ikari. That did not bode well for being able to utilize her newfound agency. Still... there must be something that she could do to. If she was certain of anything at all, she was dead set on avoiding being the trigger of Third Impact or dying again any time soon. But what was the way forward towards that end? That was a question that Rei could not answer.

It was a problem that she would need to remedy and soon...

The nurse from the previous few days walked into her room. Rei glanced over at her impassively. "It's time for some tests," she said. "Just a few X-Rays to make sure your fractures are setting properly. It won't take long."

Rei nodded and orderlies entered the room and began to wheel her out into the hallway. They moved her at a steady clip through the hallways towards their destination. It was just another day in the hospital, one more hurdle to get over until she was ready to deploy again. Then he came into view, standing right beside her.

It was only a moment but she passed by Ikari-kun as he stood in the hallway. Their eyes locked and she couldn't help but wonder if he remembered anything from... before. If he did then he surely didn't show it. His face looked blank but his eyes betrayed the trauma he'd experienced the previous night. He did not look like the determined boy she'd left in the sea of LCL... The orderlies continued wheeling her down the hall and rounded her bed around a corner, removing him from her sight.

It was strange, she thought, the realization that there might not be anyone who could understand her experience. If anyone remembered the former timeline they could at least relate. The possibility of not having anyone who could understand her experiences was... troubling. It made her feel like she was made of straw, like before she'd known Ikari-kun.

Is this what it means to be lonely? she thought. If it was, she did not like it, not one bit...


The immediate cleanup operation was finally over which meant that she had finally been able to take off that goddamned hazmat suit that had been boiling her like a lobster. Now she was sitting beside Ritsuko in a large climate controlled armored truck. "Man!" Misato Katsuragi exclaimed. "Air conditioning's the greatest thing! Man's triumph over nature."

Ristuko hung up the phone that she'd been using. "Shinji's finally woken up," she stated.

Misato frowned. Poor kid must be having such a time. "And... how is he?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

"Well," Ritsuko replied. "His memory seems to be a bit muddled, but-"

Misato cut her off. "You don't think it could be contamination do you?" she asked hastily, whipping round in her seat.

"I don't think we should worry," Ritsuko stated dismissively.

"Really?" she murmured under her breath. Well... if Ritsuko was going to be so dismissive then she probably had no reason to concern herself with things like that. Still, she felt worried for the boy. Misato slumped back in her seat. "You're right, he did have a pretty hectic day."

"Poor little kid," Ritsuko said. "His cerebellum must have taken a lot of stress."

"Cerebellum?" Misato snorted. "Don't you mean his heart?"

Ritsuko sighed. "I guess you could put it like that," she replied softly.

Misato knew her friend was never the best with people and much preferred computers and numbers over them. It was nice whenever she could prod her to admit that emotions mattered. She knew that Ritsuko had nearly as much baggage as her and maybe that was why they'd always remained close despite their clashing personality types. "It's the truth," Misato stated. "None of the pilots have an easy job."

"Neither do any of us," Ritsuko reminded her. "We're all in this together."

The truck reached its destination in a matter of minutes. Overhead were large cranes moving Evangelion sized assault rifles and machine guns. The city defense missile batteries were being loaded and enormous cases of ammunition the size of cars were being loaded into disintegrating belts. Around them power cables for the Eva units were being prepared by teams of workers. Misato hopped out of the truck and put her hands on her hips. "If Eva and this city both operate at their full potential we might make it through this," she mused.

"You're such an optimist," Ritsuko chastised.

"Hey," Misato retorted. "Sometimes you need a little wishful thinking just to keep on living."

"I see your point," Ritsuko responded. "It's nice to hear a positive attitude. I'll see you later."

"Okay, see ya," Misato replied warmly.

The truck started moving away and Misato turned toward the nearest entrance that would take her down to the geofront. She wanted to see how the young Ikari was doing and make sure that he would properly get settled in Tokyo 3. A good captain, she reminded herself, is responsible for the well being of their subordinates.


Shinji had been sitting in the lobby outside of the cranial nerve exam room in the NERV medical wing. They'd ran a bunch of tests on him to check his motor functions or whatever but that had been over an hour ago. Now he was alone with his thoughts. He found it strange and frightening how the pain in his arm remained even though by all reason it shouldn't. He'd heard of phantom pain from missing limbs but never from a wound that never actually happened. He stared down at his arm in morbid fascination and horror. He had also been informed during his ordeal of tests that the Eva had acted without his control and destroyed the monster he fought. The knowledge of that made him shiver. What kind of machine was the Evangelion?

He heard footsteps coming up beside him and he looked up. Misato was standing next to him with a look of concern on her face. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

Shinji tried to force a smile. "I'm fine, Misato-san," he replied. "Thanks for asking."

She smiled warmly. "That's good to hear. You had us all worried," she returned.

"Sorry..." he murmured in reply.

"Don't be," Misato stated. "Come on, let's go. We need to get your housing situation sorted."

He stood up and nodded, not knowing what to say.

He walked beside her in silence through the halls of NERV. He felt aimless. After what had happened, after his father had... blackmailed him into piloting the Eva, he didn't know why he should stay in Tokyo 3. Still, seeing the other pilot in the state she was in he felt a sense of responsibility to stay. No one in that condition was in any shape to do anything. So he would stay. He owed it to her. Seeing her on the ground and how she'd clutched his hand... he wouldn't run away.

They reached an elevator and stood for a moment for it to open. When it did, it revealed his father, standing in all his imposing glory.

He found himself going slack-jawed as he stared down the imposing man. So many emotions ran through him. There was so much he wanted to say but... he just couldn't He wanted his father to acknowledge him, to care about him, but he felt angry. He was angry at his father for neglecting him, for abandoning him, and now for blackmailing him. So he just looked away with a scowl.

His father said nothing, only glared down at him with an unreadable expression. The doors of the elevator closed and he and Misato continued waiting for another to reach them.

"Ah... so," Misato began. "That was awkward."

Shinji shook his head. "It's nothing out of the ordinary," he bit out.

"You... really don't get along with him do you?" she asked, her voice full of pity.

Shinji could only nod. He didn't want to talk about it.


"He'll be living alone?" Misato questioned the Section 2 official.

"That's right," the official replied. "His room will be on the sixth block beyond this one. Is that alright?"

She was worried. Who would let a fourteen year old boy live alone? "Shinji-kun, are you sure about that?" she asked.

He smiled at her. "Living alone is fine with me," he replied. She could see through it though. He was just trying to ease her misgivings. "I'm alone anyway."

This wouldn't do. She pensively eyed the boy. Sure he was saying that but behind his eyes she could see the loneliness there. She couldn't help but see a bit of herself in how he was acting, she too had a way of running from her feelings.

Misato turned to the official. "What if I took him in?" she asked impulsively.

Shinji gasped. "Y- you- you don't have to," he stammered.

Her decision was impulsive, she knew that, and still... she felt compelled to stand by it. "I'll take him on as his guardian," she stated. "Is that acceptable?"

The Section 2 agent nodded. "If you wish, I'll run it by the commander."

Misato nodded. "Please," she replied.

"Misato-san, you really don't have to..." Shinji voiced weakly.

But she did. That kindred spirit with the boy that she felt was overwhelming. She knew what it was like to be left alone and she wouldn't wish that on anyone. Besides, it wasn't like she hadn't had roommates before and she'd taken care of Asuka for a year or so. This wouldn't be any different. "Don't sweat it," she replied cheerfully. "It'll be fine, don't worry."


Ritsuko Akagi sat in her office analyzing the data from Unit 01's deployment against the Third Angel. She had known that Unit 01 was prone to losing control but it was problem none the less. If Unit 01 couldn't be kept under control then it could become a liability on the battlefield. If they could not restrain the thing's will then that would become a problem down the road. Still, this was the part her job that she enjoyed. The science was what she cared about, the logistics of repairs and armor retrofits not so much.

While Misato had to handle massive amounts of paperwork regarding repairs to the city she always had to crunch the numbers for cost for the Evangelion Program. It was a minor inconvenience, she knew that, but none the less annoying. The list of tasks on her plate seemed to be ever increasing. Then again, Gendo was a very busy man, he had no time for such things. He didn't even have much time for her these days...

Then there was Pilot Ayanami who she was in charge of maintaining the health of. She held little affection for the girl but she was still a vital part of the fight against the Angels. Having her out of commission and having Shinji as a green recruit posed a problem if the next Angel were to arrive too soon. In addition to this they needed to get her Eva back up and running. Unit 00 was not supposed to be able to go berserk as it had. She knew why Unit 01 had the potential to act with its own will but Unit 00 was truly a mystery and one that needed to be solved or at the very least remedied. Having two units that were potentially uncontrollable was a serious dilemma.

The phone in her office rang and she answered on the first ring, eager for anything to take her mind off of the paperwork nightmare. "Akagi speaking," she answered.

"Hi Ritsuko," came Misato's voice through the receiver.

"Hey," she replied. "Something on your mind?"

"So..." Misato spoke slowly. "I went with Shinji to sort out his housing situation."

Ritsuko frowned. She'd been informed that he'd be living alone. She could relate a bit to the situation, her mother had been rather distant with her. Still, when her mother was alive she at least tried to spend time with her when she wasn't drowning in her work. It seemed that Gendo didn't have enough time or care to look after his own son. Then again, he didn't have much room in his heart for anyone, except for Yui... though she was trying to change that. "I see," she returned. "How did it go?"

Misato started stammering on the other end. "Well, ah, you see they were, uh, going to have him live alone and-"

"Spit it out," she cut her off. She didn't have the time to listen to her friend stumbling over her words. The mountain of paperwork still needed to get done.

"I decided that I'd take him in," she said.

Her eyes widened. Ritsuko was baffled. How anyone had let Misato take care of Asuka when she was in Germany still puzzled her, but Asuka had also grown up in the Eva program. Misato could barely be trusted to find her way around NERV so how the hell was she going to take care of the commander's son? "What did you say?" she exclaimed.

"You heard me," Misato replied indignantly. "I said I'll be taking Shinji home to live at my place okay?It's already been approved. ...and don't worry, I'm not gonna be making any passes at him.

She hunched over in her seat. The audacity she had at times, making jokes like that, especially considering how she was in college. A joke like that was no laughing matter considering who it was coming from! "Of course you're not!" she shouted. "How could you even think of such a thing! You've got no shame at all! I can't believe the things you say to me sometimes!"

"Hey, I was just trying to make a joke..." Misato muttered after a moment of silence.

Ritsuko sighed. "For goodness sake, he's fourteen..." she hissed.

"Come on," Misato replied. "You know I would never do something like that."

Ritsuko rested her head in her hand. "As long as he remains combat ready and you don't kill him with that instant food of yours."

"My cooking is not that bad," Misato protested.

"I assure you, it is," Ritsuko replied. "I'm swamped in paperwork, I'll touch base with you later."

"Alright, see ya soon," Misato stated and then hung up the phone.

Ritsuko groaned and pinched her temples. Things were at the very least getting interesting around NERV. Misato taking care of Shinji was just going to be a repeat of Germay. She could almost smell the printers spitting out more and more sheets of figures and digits that would make her life more difficult...


Misato always enjoyed a sunset drive. She was cruising around the outskirts of Tokyo 3 with Shinji sitting beside her. He'd barely said a word since they'd left the housing office so she'd elected to throw a housewarming party to help cheer him up. Well... she also could really use a beer after the day she'd had. She was surprised that even the suggestion of a party hadn't done much to change his demeanor. They'd stopped at a convenience store and gotten some snacks and drinks and now they were finally on their final leg. Just one thing left... something that would totally work to lighten Shinji's mood. "I hope you don't mind if make a little stop on the way," she said.

"A stop where?" he asked.

Misato grinned over at him. "Oh, it's a really cool place," she said.

He just looked at her with that nervous look of his. She looked ahead. Come on Shinji-kun, life isn't that bad... she thought.

In moments they reached their pit stop. They were at an overlook just outside the main district of the city. Misato put the car in park and stepped out to the railing. The sun was close to setting and a beautiful orange glow over everything. It really a breathtaking.

Shinji walked over to the railing beside her. After a few minutes he spoke. "It's so desolate... The city seems so lonely," he murmured.

Misato checked her watch. It was time. "Here we go," she said with a grin.

A siren sounded in a long whine and then buildings began rising from the ground. Entire skyscrapers and neighborhoods lifted up from the earth. The fortress city of Tokyo 3 showed its true form. She looked over at Shinji and smiled at the look of wonder he now wore on his face. "That's awesome," he blurted out. "The buildings are growing!"

"This city is a fortress designed to stand against the Angels," Misato stated. "This is Tokyo 3. This is our city and it's the city you saved."

Shinji turned to her. "Angels?" he asked.

"The monster you fought," Misato clarified. Had no one briefed him on them yet?

Shinji looked back out toward the skyline. "Strange thing to call a monster..." he muttered.

Misato laughed. She never really thought about it but it really was. There was indeed nothing angelic about them. "Yeah, it's a pretty stupid code-name, but we had to call em something," she replied.


Commander Ikari had come to see her earlier in the day for all of a few moments. He had asked if she was recovering and she had told him yes. He'd simply nodded to her and left. She remembered that he had done something similar before in the prior life she'd lived. Seeing him had made her feel cold. It was all the confirmation that she'd needed. She with utter certainty had lost faith in the commander and his designs. Any warm feelings that she had ever had for him had been replaced with... if not hatred than certainly disdain. That was the only point of relative excitement that she had enjoyed in hours. Now as the sun set she was once again becoming restless.

Rei was bored. She was beyond bored. She had never known boredom like this. There was only so much napping that she could do and she had nothing to read to keep her mind busy. It would be another few days until she was discharged and it was certainly wearing on her mind.

She had managed to sit up on her own so that was something. After the series of tests that she had been put through earlier in the day she was hooked up to considerably less machines and at present only required an IV drip. Even so, she found herself impatient. She wanted to get out of this hospital room and... after that she wasn't quite sure what to do next. Despite this, she did have many ideas though regarding what she wanted to do in the long run.

The one benefit of her stay in relative isolation was that it had given her much time to think and come to conclusions of what she wanted to do with the path that lay ahead of her. She had decided to be a an active force in her own life rather than a reactive one. Had she ever really made a choice for herself before? Whether she had or had not, she made the decision to start doing so. It was... world with a lot of things to experience and understand. She... wanted to understand it. She wanted to experience it. She would not be a puppet, not anymore, never again. Most importantly, she had decided was she did not want to be the trigger for Third Impact a second time. She would make this her goal. She wanted to live life like... a normal human and she wanted to spend more time with Ikari-kun... Many obstacles stood in her way of that, not the least of which was Commander Ikari. If she were no longer compliant he would not hesitate to replace her despite how he might... care for her on some level.

A figure entered her room and Rei regarded her. She had expected it to be the kind nurse but this time it was someone else. Dr. Akagi entered her room. "Rei, how are you feeling?" she asked.

She felt her lips curve downward ever so slightly. "I am recovering," she replied flatly.

Dr. Akagi was not someone she enjoyed being around. She had never been very kind to her and had even tried to strangle her just like her mother had. She was another major obstacle in any attempt she could make to escape her destiny...

The Doctor's resentment towards her came from the Commander's fixation on Yui Ikari and she projected the resentment onto her for her resemblance to her. That was ultimately why she had destroyed the Dummy Plug System.

Rei felt her breath catch in her throat.

The Dummy Plugs... They were based on her thought patterns. They contained a rough imprint of her mind and memories. What would happen when she went for the next memory scan? How would Dr. Akagi react if she found out that she had memories she logically shouldn't have? Would she be replaced? She did not want to be replaced. Fear gripped her.

Dr. Akagi stepped over to her and placed a hand on her arm which made her tense up. "Are you alright?" she asked. "I've never seen you like this, is something wrong."

Rei shook her head. She had to play it cool. She was no longer a puppet but she had to keep acting like one, at least for now. "I am fine, Dr. Akagi," she replied, meeting her gaze.

There was a pensive silence that fell between them. Dr. Akagi smiled softly. "You know... it's okay to be shaken up after what happened," she said. "It's normal."

Was she showing her... concern? Perhaps the doctor was as cold as she thought after all. "Why are you here?" she asked.

"Commander Ikari asked me to check up on you," she said in response. "We're both glad you're on your way to recovery. After looking at your test results you should be out of here in a few days."

Rei looked down at her bed sheets. "I see..." she murmured.

Dr. Akagi continued eyeing her with a questioning look. "Is there anything on your mind?" she asked.

Maybe she could try her hand at... small talk. It would be better than saying nothing and it would definitely be better than revealing what truly was bothering her. "I am... worried," she said softly. "About the reactivation of Unit 00."

Unit 00. Her eyes went wide. How did she not realize it sooner... The mind inside Unit 00 was... it was like another her inside of it that never accepted her fully. What if she couldn't get it to accept her at all and she couldn't get it activated. What if it went berserk and truly tried to kill her? Her attempt at small talk had seriously backfired. "I truly am worried..." she murmured.

Dr. Akagi's eyes softened and her soft grin widened. "I understand," she replied. "If I were in your place I'd be worried too."

Rei turned to her and she felt her mouth fall open slightly. This was unlike the Dr. Akagi she had known. Even in her rare kind moments she never had said something like that. I understand... two words that were used to convey sympathy. Did the doctor truly have sympathy for her? If so... did she have... empathy for her?

A strange thought occurred to her. She knew how Dr. Akagi and Commander Ikari were... but could they change? If she could change then why couldn't they? Despite remembering how the doctor had acted toward her in the previous life as she was starting to call it, now she was showing her compassion. It raised many questions. So many questions...

Was it possible that she could... effect them the way Ikari-kun had effected her? Was it possible that she could... change them? It didn't seem probable but it wasn't completely beyond reason. In fact... it seemed logical that it would be an efficient way to ensure her survival. It was Ikari-kun's compassion that had changed her after all. It was Dr. Ikari's compassion that had allowed her to even be here in the this room. If not for compassion she would have remained a heartless puppet made of straw. She felt her lips twitching upward a tiny bit. Perhaps she could pass it along...

"Thank you," she said softly. "For checking up on me, Dr. Akagi."

Dr. Akagi looked stunned. "Ah, uh... you're welcome," she replied. That was right... she'd never thanked anyone before, at least in her current life. To think that the doctor would be the first... life sure was strange.


Shinji was a few paces behind Misato as they entered the apartment building she had parked in front of. They made their way up a few flights of stairs and eventually exited onto an open air walkway. Shinji could only assume that she lived on this floor. Eventually they stopped at the very last door before the walkway took a sharp right. "Your things ought to have been delivered already, Shinji," Misato said. "I just moved here myself you know."

She pressed a button and the door slid to the side revealing light coming from a hallway. Misato stepped inside but he froze in place. The dark haired woman turned to him with a soft smile. "Hey, come in," she instructed him with a playful grin.

He clutched the bag of groceries he was carrying a little tighter. He felt so undeserving. What was so special about him that made this woman want to let him live with her? All he did was sit in the cockpit of a giant machine and get thrown around until it... well he didn't want to think about whatever the hell it did. Still, he didn't feel like he was... worthy. "I don't want to intrude..." he murmured.

Misato's grin fell. She looked at him with concern. Why was she so concerned? Why did he deserve her being concerned? He was weak and a coward and his own father didn't even want him... why was she being so nice? "Shinji-kun, this is your home now," she said, emphasis on the word your.

He felt his cheeks warming with embarrassment but there was also a small flicker of joy buried in there. Those words felt... good. Maybe he shouldn't be so self critical and just take what he could get. He stepped forward and into the apartment. "I'm... I'm home," he replied nervously.

Misato's face took on a gentle smile unlike the usual playful and teasing grin she wore. "Welcome home," she returned in kind.

Shinji followed her into the hallway and around the corner into the kitchen. "Um... as you can see... the place is a little messy but, ah, go ahead and make yourself comfortable," Misato said nervously before making a beeline for what he could assume to be her room.

Around him was about half a dozen trash bags, empty cans of beer, bottles of liquor, and takeout packages. He blinked. He might not have had the best upbringing, he knew this, but he at the very least understood the value of cleanliness. Clearly, Misato Katsuragi was not a great housekeeper. "This is a little messy?" he blurted out in disbelief. What kind of adult lived like this? He could feel his skin crawling as he stared at the detritus all around him.

Misato peered out from around the corner of her doorway. "Oh, sorry," she called. "Can you put the food in the fridge please?"

"Uh, yes, Misato-san," he replied reflexively. Somehow he doubted that he would be able to accomplish the task.

His suspicions were confirmed when he opened said refrigerator. Ice, snacks, and fifty gallons of beer! What kind of life does she lead? He thought to himself as he inspected the contents. It was like the stories he'd heard about college students overseas...

He looked around the kitchen and noticed another refrigerator unit with a small door. "Uh, excuse me?" he called out. "What's in the other fridge?"

"Oh don't mind that," Misato reply emanated from the direction of her room. "He's probably still sleeping."

Sleeping? Who? What? He was positively bewildered. What on earth did she mean by that? Later on in the night... he found out.

Misato eventually emerged from her room wearing a yellow tee shirt and jean shorts. They made some microwave meals, had dinner, and talked. He wasn't used to the instant food but it wasn't completely terrible. Despite Misato's strong personality it was actually kind of pleasant. She might have had her vices, evident by how much she enjoyed her beer, but she was definitely a woman with a gentle heart deep down. It did make him feel a little uncomfortable just how... suggestive she could be though. Following dinner was a rather intense match of rock paper scissors to decide house chores that Shinji lost spectacularly. He lamented that he didn't suggest a series of coin tosses instead. She had expressed with annoyance that he be a little more assertive but... that just wasn't in his nature. He never was comfortable putting himself forward. So, after all this, he decided to take Misato's suggestion to take a bath...

He slid open the door to the bathroom and was greeted by a flapping feathery creature that scared the crap out of him! He ran out into the kitchen nude without realizing it to let Misato know of the avian intruder and embarrassed himself thoroughly. Apparently Misato had a pet penguin named Pen-Pen who occupied the second fridge. Only then did he realize that he'd given her a great view of his manhood and shuffled away in shame.

Eventually he made it to his new room and was laying in bed listening to music on his tape player. The tape player had been a gift from his father... it was probably the only thing the man had ever gotten him. It was times like this when he was finally alone and in the dark that he ended up reflecting on things whether he liked it or not. Rumination might be a better word for it, he thought. He found himself even now still questioning why he had decided to stay in Tokyo 3 after what had happened. What lay ahead of him now that he'd agreed to pilot the Eva?

He played back that battle in his mind and how that horrible green eye had stared at him after the machine had done whatever it had outside of his control. The Evangelion and piloting and those... Angels terrified him.

But then he thought about that girl, Rei Ayanami he'd learned her name was, and how she was the only other pilot. He stared down at his palm and remembered the blood... He remembered how she clutched his hand as he held her and tried to ease her pain before he'd finally gotten the courage to go out and fight. The way she'd looked at him, full of fear and pain, he felt so sorry for her and if he left... she would have to do it in his place. At least until she was better, he had to keep doing it. He owed it to her.

Just before he was about to nod off he heard Misato at his door. "Shinji-kun, I forgot to tell you something. Can I come in?" she asked.

He said nothing and after a moment she opened the door. "You did something very good and very noble," she said softly. "Rest easy..."

He let those words sink in. They kept him awake for quite a while afterward.


Gendo stood in the devastated control room that remained after Unit 00's rampage in the wake of Rei's failed activation test. It had been... an interesting day to say the least. He'd ran into his son shortly after the meeting with the old men while on his way to check on Rei's condition. A part of him had felt a little guilty at not saying anything to the boy but he knew it was for the best. Giving him any kind of hope that they could be closer would only lead to complications and difficulties. Still, watching as Shinji had looked away from him with a scowl as he silently stood there... it did stir feelings. Gendo was trying his best to suppress them as they were only a hindrance to his plans.

She had seemed like she was doing alright all things considered when he had visited her for a few short moments. She did look a bit... frazzled was a good word for it. He'd sent Dr. Akagi to see her in order to check on her mental state. Afterwards he had learned from Akagi's report that Rei was well on the mend if a little shaken up from the accident. He supposed it was normal, despite his... careful work to ensure that she was emotionally numb and compliant, the girl did still possess emotions. A traumatic injury could rattle even the most stoic. Even so, he had been... relieved to hear that she was doing well.

According to Akagi's report, Rei would be back to active status in twenty days and would be released to outpatient care in the next few days. The latter did not have any bearing, it was of no care to him whether she was in the hospital or not... at least he told himself that. Ultimately, things were going on schedule. She would be ready to pilot and he could advance his scenario.

The old men had grilled him on his use of Unit 01 and had even slyly accused him of nepotism in his decision of giving it to his son, which he had coolly denied. He knew that Shinji was the best fit to pilot it, even if he had to essentially blackmail him into it. The old men were always concerned about their budgets and other nonsense. Gendo couldn't help but find the humor in how none of those things would matter if their plans were to be put into effect. He grew tired of it. He also grew tired of them constantly reminding him to do to their bidding and questioning his loyalty. He wasn't loyal to them, but it was still rather annoying being forced to issue platitudes and make meaningless gestures to get the committee off his back.

He heard the door open behind him and paid no mind to the clicking of heels on the tile floor. The footsteps stopped just a little to the left and to the rear of where he stood. He knew that Fuyutsuki would have turned in for the night by now so that left only one other person who would go looking for him here. "Dr. Akagi," he greeted curtly without turning, his eyes still focused on Unit 00 where it stood encased in Bakelite.

"Commander Ikari," Akagi replied. "Did you read the report I sent?"

"She'll be ready to pilot in twenty days," he replied. "Nothing outside of that is of any concern. Soon we'll free Unit 00 from cryo-stasis and be back to full operational capacity."

There was a moment of pause before the doctor answered him. "It's so hard on these children..." she murmured.

He scowled. "There's no one else who can pilot the Evas," He growled, a scowl finding its way to his face. "So long as they can pilot that is what I'll have them do."

It was a cruel fate to sentence them to, he knew that, but life was a cruel thing. Regardless of whatever it was he felt for his current pilots he needed them to advance his goals. Even if Shinji hated him now he would forgive him in the end. And Rei... well... what did it matter what she felt? She was just his way of achieving his ends anyway. He kept telling himself that. Over and over...

"It's so hard on them," Ritsuko said. "They're only children. Do you really have no care for what they feel?"

Gendo scowled and clenched his fists. Everything he was doing was for the better. Why did he feel misgivings about what he was doing after hearing Akagi's words? "They're the only ones who can pilot the Evas," he replied. "As long as they're able to, that's what I'll have them do."

There was a pause before Akagi spoke again. "Don't you think... it's cruel to put them through this?" she asked hesitantly.

Gendo's scowl deepened and he adjusted his glasses but said nothing. Deep down he knew it was indeed cruel. Still, the ends justified the means. A bright future for humanity lay ahead if he could accomplish his goal and he would be reunited with Yui. He would pay any price and sacrifice everything he had to that end. Whatever warm feelings he had for Shinji or for Rei were a liability. In the depth of his cold and shriveled heart, he had to admit that he did care about them. That was a huge liability.

And liabilities needed to be eliminated.


Author's Notes

For those who might wish to see more of Rei's POV, trust and believe you shall have it. However, it's difficult to really write anything interesting with her while she's still stuck in a hospital bed. In the next update you'll see quite a bit more of our favorite blue haired pilot. As you can probably tell, there hasn't been all that much divergence in the plot compared to the original. I assure you, dear reader, things will become noticeably different quite soon. Our lead heroine certainly has a difficult path ahead.

All I can promise is that sadboy and sadgirl will finally have a real scene together in the next installment.

Regards,

A.F.